Praised comments by Luanne

When We Let It All Go (3)
by L e n o r e

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-24

Cass I really enjoyed this read. I noticed how much your writing has grown since this poem and would love to see it a re-write of this piece someday. From reading your more recent poetry and seeing the colorful and brilliant words you now use in your writing .... a re-write of this poem would create a brilliant piece I think.
Sort of "an old mixed with the new"

I also noticed a lot of filler words in this piece compared to your newer writings .... which also shows how much you have advanced in your writing.

Even with all the filler words I still loved and enjoyed reading this piece.
It made me feel "light as the air and happy" a feeling of like your title " when we let it all go"

Great read Cass !

Would Tomorrow Bring You Back? (15)
by L e n o r e

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-24

Through disillusioned abject years I have felt
Fondant tastes of lies and truth's acridities, because
Dulcet thoughts only abstracted hopes from
Shattered, late night tears.

^^^
Great opening stanza Cass ! It really pulled me in and made me want to read more. The only thing I felt threw it off a little was "because" in the 2nd line. Wonderful word usage !!!!!!

This city sleeps beneath a tinted sky; dubbed violet,
Monotonous; the nights are never in the right tone.
^^^
Love these 2 lines in the second stanza. And the word Monotonous really gives the reader a feel of the setting.


If my words could reach you within an earshot moment;
I only wish to be with you- this mellifluous hope.
^^^
Such a touching couplet.

Such a unique write and your word usage is wonderful.
I like how you ended the 3 stanzas with a couplet .... I found it made it stand out even more.

Great read Cass

Mental Abuse and Disrespect. (8)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-26

Insolence spirals from vile tongue,
impacting the soul immensely,
weighing it down with melancholy.
^^^
So much truth in this opening. The soul withers with each vile word until it eventually sinks into despair.

Oblivious to the pain you inflict
into an innocent child's mind;
undeserving of such torment.
^^^
Most times people don't even see the pain they cause until it is to late and the scars have already been placed. So sad !

Tears erupt like lava from eyes,
thickly oozing down the face,
overflowing with resentment.
^^^
Your first line here brings such a strong sense of what the pain feels like to someone at the receiving end of abuse.
The reference to lava ... being hot & painful with an overflow of resentment ....

Mental abuse and disrespect,
like flames igniting enternally,
depression invites suicidal thoughts.
^^^
I am wondering if "enternally" you may mean either eternally or internally.

Such truth is these lines though. How mental or physical abuse may lead to depression as the victim begins to feel more and more hopeless.
Thus setting the victim into a whirlwind of depressive thoughts of suicide.

Such a touching read that grabs the heart!

You have addresses a subject that needs to be stopped. And hopefully through your words it will dig within the mind of someone who inflicts this cruelty and they will begin to realize their destructive ways!

Wonderfully penned ....

Truth (8)
by Deana

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-25

Deana I can't even begin to say how much this piece touched me.

Oh, this feeble mind does wander
To those years so long ago
Master wrapped us in his chains
Hearts were singin sad and low
^^^
I love how you repeated this part near the end of the poem. I can almost visualize this lady looking back to her time ... shaking her head in disbelief and wishing "if only these tough times " we have ... could of only been hers. To of gladly traded "her pains" for the "pains of today"

Supposin you aint happy
No fancy vacations and all
I hear ya sayin "times are hard"
Rememberin the sweat
On the backs of my people
along with the stripes!
^^^
Deana ... how this touches me. How we sit sipping our tea and whining that perhaps we don't have that few extra dollars for that luxurious vacation ... while this lady could only dream of "freedom" as her vacation

Smart man, Pa
Wish he could've seen the day
A black man became president
Aint bout color though
It's bout bein free
to choose
to make things better!
^^^
Deana I can't even begin to think of a better way to end this piece.

Brings you to tears doesn't it? Just thinking how we take so much for granted. (I know I am certainly guilty of that from time to time)
And how we do really have everything .... because WE have our freedom. Yet we constantly want more ... yet we have the greatest thing of all "FREEDOM"

Deana your words have spoke to my soul!
And touched me so deeply.

Thank you for sharing this write ... if only the whole world could read these words !!!!!!!

Wonderfully penned ! Deep, touching, impacting write

Smoke Rings in the Dark (19)
by Norhan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-07

Congrats on the song title challenge win hun, I am so very proud of you !!!!

touching the fringes of
the invisible,
and painting their way into
the ebony of
the night.

Never knowing if
they are sinking into darkness
or
advancing
towards light.
^^^
Loved this part Nor !!!


-a memory caught in
glass
^^^
My favorite part ... very unique!

You took your title and ran with it .... creating a wonderful piece Norhan !!!!

Wonderful read !

White Lillies (9)
by Side Effects

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-19

White Lillie's on disturbed soil
A premature ending
Future impossible
^^^
You have painted such a sad picture with these 3 lines. Touches one deeply. I am going to give you my interpretation of this piece and hope you will let me know if I am correct . You have painted me a picture in my mind of :

Someone has placed lilies on the grave of someone very young in age. From reading premature and future impossible. I see a young child or perhaps teenage.

I think it should be lilies hun instead of lillies.

There is only past
Just memories
Fantasies of what could have been
^^^
I see here maybe a parent seeing all the memories flash before their eyes ... thinking of what could of been.

Questions for the living
Answers for the deceased
Don't be fooled by separation
Life and death one entity
Connected
^^^
The living ask WHY and the deceased will find their answers finally. Life and death connected ... something we can't run from. The road to Death begins with our first breath.

The strangest shaped circle of them all
Broken bonds will form attachments again
For now there is a space to feel
An unknown fact hard to accept
^^^
Life and death a circle ... never knowing what to expect out of either.

A choice made out of pain
Out all the indignations
Death made the suicidal sane
A white Lillie placed fresh will wilt in there name
^^^
I see someone here ... the now deceased who may of had a life filled with pain, angered perhaps hurt by someone or something. Feeling that Death may be the only way to escape the torment in their mind ... thus death making them feel sane.

You have painted such a strong image here for me. I am not sure if I am interpreting this piece correctly but upon the first read I just had such strong imagery ....
Please do tell me if I am correct ....

Wonderful read and very thought provoking ... I love a poem that makes me think deeply. Excellent ...


Luanne

Awake Again (7)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-12

Deb you have penned a magical piece here. The imagery is magnificent.

Icy winter slumber
Sap still in my veins
Waiting for a Springtime kiss
To wake me up again
^^^
Such a wonderful word picture. I can see little icicle droplets hanging to branches just waiting for Mother nature to sprinkle a little springtime on them

Warmth from sun, gentle rain
Soft lit starry nights
Sweet birds in the morning
Basking in the light
^^^^
I was just telling Darryll yesterday. I love the first day you hear the little birds chirping outside your window. It is such a beautiful feeling. And even though you hear it every year ... every time feels like the first.

Reaching up to heaven
Brushed by gentle breeze
Bowing to a thunderstorm
Brought down to my knees
^^^
Love the picture you painted here. I can actually see the branches stretching up tall, reaching for the sky and bending beneath the force of a thunderstorm.
Great imagery !!!!


I loved this poem from beginning to end. It holds so much beauty. I look forward to these magical days when everything comes back to life. And hopefully it will come soon here.

Great read Deb and an excellent write !

Mutual Death (25)
by Nema

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-11

You..
are the savior
to my thoughts
Yet, you-
like a dying butterfly-
Lie down on the floor,
Unable to save yourself..
^^^
Some great imagery here Nee !


You twit me..
For not holding on..
To a life worth fading,
Whilst you die on
^^^
Nee I really like this stanza but "twit" sits funny with me. I was thinking criticize, tease ... something like that. I know they all mean the same but "twit" just seems to make the other lines seem less powerful to me.
But it's a great stanza !!!!


We are two different reasons
You die because you had never been
loved
I die because I
Never could..
And we have the
same ending

One shot for two..
^^^
So much told in these ending lines. One has never been loved and perhaps wants to be ... the other feels they can not love ... or love that person.

You die because you had never been
loved
^^^
I think here it may be "have" but I am not really positive on that one. (You know me with words .... lol)
Best to let someone who knows for sure critique that part .... lol

Really great read Nee ... you can feel the sadness flow through the lines.

Thanks for sharing hun
Lu

Prevailing Winds (9)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-10

How ironic the barren field in Winter
Prevailing winds scattering bluebirds
Recall arm in arm contented June forays
Now discontent fills laconic voids
^^^
I get the feeling of sadness here. That winter may be like ... life at times ... feeling empty, alone.
To be swept away like the wind ... and searching for the beautiful days once had.


Field mouse scratches to find morsels
I dream of myriad adventures
You in the 4th of July corn, hide and seek
Hot, sunburned, no hint of blue tomorrow
^^^
Here seems to be one missing the good days, now stuck in hard times.

You have done a wonderful job with your words Deb. It is so hard to find the right place to make the words fit smoothly ... but you did a wonderful job.

Looking forward to seeing if I am interpreting this poem correctly.

Well done on the challenge Deb !!!

Love's Abductee (14)
by Cara

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-08

A peaceful stroll along the beach, feet sinking in the sand
The waves meet the shoreline, as we cruise hand in hand
The sun sets behind the clouds, making for a perfect scene
The image in our background adds to our lovers pristine
^^^
I love the beauty of this opening stanza. It holds warmth and romance and just gives the reader a wonderfull feeling.
I would suggest removing "the" in lines 2, 3 and 4 ...

A peaceful stroll along the beach, feet sinking in the sand
Waves meet the shoreline, as we cruise hand in hand
Sun sets behind the clouds, making for a perfect scene
Image in our background adds to our lovers pristine
^^^
It reads more smoothly I find.


Time loses its meaning, as the minutes transform to hours
Your glance makes my heart fluctuate, no love is like ours
The sky completely darkens, but afraid I needn't be
As I couldn't feel more safer, being my love's abductee

^^^
Another wonderful stanza ... my only suggestion would be to change the word "safer" .. it just throws off the poem I find. And makes it read awkward.
Perhaps :
As I couldn't feel more secure, being my love's abductee


Whispers of forever, promised with a passionate embrace
Your rough skin caresses mine as our fingers interlace
My eyes meet yours and it's as though my puzzle is complete
All the pieces click together, with you finishing my heart's beat
^^^^
Beautiful stanza. I love the puzzle part and the pieces clicking together. Gives a beautiful image !!!!

This memory will always remain, but my mind is done pretending
The flat green line on the screen is telling me your road is ending
A single tear escapes my eyes, landing on your now cold skin
Your hand that I hold is limp and I silently break within.
^^^
Excellent ending !!!!
I feel there could of been another stanza before this one, it just seems to end BAM ...
or perhaps it is that I loved it so much I wnted there to be more ... lol

I really enjoyed this piece ... it flowed nicely, wonderful imagery and some brilliant lines.

I think by removing the 3 lines with "the" in the begining would make this wonderful front page material ...
And I would love to see it there, so therefor it has my nomination.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful read
Luanne

His and Hers Suits (6)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-06

Deb your writing is more advanced than what I can even wish for so a little question here.

Hidden within a timepiece is sewn
^^^
Would there be a , after within perhaps ?


Deb as I read each line it was as though I were watching a movie ....

There were so many lines that I loved

- Peering through mist at her hazy reflection
To everyone else, ethereal perfection
- Lie down together, great double bed
Burying lies as nothing is said


Hidden within a timepiece is sewn
A gift from his dad when he left him alone
Two hands forever read ten forty-five
Doors slammed shut as the little boy died
^^^
This part makes me feel really sad ... You can just feel the breeze of a door closing shut. And the stillness left behind.

Very deep read Deb ... thanks for sharing

Broken Verses of Thee (19)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-13

Dawns to dusks and dusks to thee
The winds whisper thy memory
Eves to morns and morns to me
Open these pages and thou may see
^^^
I have a few suggestions for this opening stanza. Just my opinion but I find it tends to flow much more smoothly

Dawn to dusk and dusk to thee
The wind whispers thy memory
Eve to morn and morn to me
Open these pages and thou may see


In the mind's eye of silent rue
Thoughts to pen and pen to cue
Sorrow and soul become one
Immersed in grief and all be done
^^^
I love this stanza and the flow of words !!!

I really loved this write ... your use of words is wonderful and it flows very well.

You are just a little writing machine these days ... which is awesome.
Keep up the wonderful writing XD ...

~Hugs~
Luanne

Fantasies of a Poet (2)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-09

XD I loved your rhyme scheme in this piece!
Your word usage was quite impressive and painted amazing imagery ... especially in the stanza I am about to paste.

Spring bestowed blue summer bliss
Autumn stole with grey goodbye kiss
Left with naught but leaves to miss
Winter immaculate; turquoise amiss
^^^
I loved this stanza .... this was my favorite stanza ....

A tear's cadence upon a page
The lonely soul within its cage
^^^
But these were my 2 favorite lines.

Great read XD ....

Waiting (3)
by Corinne

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-01

Cornnie ~claps~ that was an awesome story!

You held my interest from beginning to end and couldn't wait to read the next line to see what would happen. I love the way you described everything .... you made it seem so real. As though I was standing back watching the entire thing.
The imagery .... amazing !!!

I do hope many more people take the time to read this .... It is a great read that sent chills up my spine an moments.

Very well done
Luanne

Bonfire of Desire (2)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-12

Bonfire of desire
Undying for a thousand years
For love is the eternal chior
Singing to erotic ears
^^^
XD I absolutely love your ending ....
chior .... do you mean choir ?

Your stanzas whisper words that warm the heart and yet give hope to those who have given up on love ... that there is a "bonfire of desire and love to be found" and it starts with just one spark.

Wonderful read my friend!
Luanne

Locked in Time (8)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-08

I'd take a sip of your empathy
if you just let me come closer,
^^^
I love your opening 2 lines. Brilliant!

Alluring shades slumber vividly-
there's something about your obscure gaze,
a grain of skepticism, mirrored despair;
I'd make love to every illusion
if you just consider
my cerulean modesty.
^^^
This entire part is my favorite. I can feel the words as though whispered near my ear in a deep yet slow serious tone.
This part really grabbed me.



if I just let you come closer,
if I just consider
your demonic omnipresence,
evermore locked in time.
^^^
This ending though I love I found there to be something missing ... needing a word place somewhere in the second line. I can't quite place my finger on it.

Excellent read, very impressive writing. And the title really grabbed my eye and made me want to read what was beneath this title.

Luanne

His Palm Became My Dictionary (22)
by Melpomene

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-07

Congrats on your win, very deserving of the front pages!

I loved the twist of words and the uniqueness of this piece.
I love those poems that challenge the mind and make you want to read them over and over again .... as this one has done to me.
It is poetry such as this that is remembered by the reader for a long, long time.

He once asked me to differentiate
love; though chalk petals touched
my tongue. Never considering index
I defined lust.
^^^
My favorite part !

Excellent read
Luanne

Faded Heart (14)
by Hardly Matters Now

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-02

Here is a little help that you asked for sweetie.
I have re-wrote your poem removing most of the "I's" ... there are way to may "I's" and it reads much smoother without them.

I have removed a few other words to make it flow much smoother and added a word or 2 in some lines.
I broke it down into 5 stanzas. I am not a big fan of paragraph style poems. I lose my interest after a few lines.

Here is what I have come up with .... the poem is still totally yours I've just tweaked it a little.
If you have any others you would like a little help with just PM me the titles.


Searched for the words to explain
how it grew to be more than pain
Begging for love to please stay
But if left anyway

Tried to listen for the way out
couldn't hear words through the shouts
Tried so hard to be strong
only to know, I would fail all along

Tried to hold on to my miserable life
Ignore the seductive whispers of the knife
Struggling desperately to hold on to
the person I once knew

It had all turned into a twisted mess
things just meant less and less
Wanted to explain how my emotions hide
how all my pain and fears are locked inside

I failed to tell you how my hands didn't shake
and how my heart would never break
Tried to tell you the things I couldn't say
then my heart slowly faded away

Cardboard Boats and Butterflies (18)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-09-16

Cindy my God Girl you have swept me away to the days of beauty .... the days when our imaginations swept us away on a travel for hidden fortunes or to fairy tale palaces.
I remember having an old chest I would fill up with old clothes, hats. shoes ... and pretend I was on the Mr.Dressup show ..... lmaooooooo

It would sound so funny to the youngsters of today .... but back then we made our own toys and followed our imaginations.

Our magical days of childhood
How quickly they passed us by
Wishing those times back again
When we traveled side by side
^^^
I loved this ending ... it made the dedication even more magical. Wishing to ave those times back but yet so happy that you have the beautiful memories.

Wonderful read hun .... beautiful dedication

Beautiful Dreams (Pantoum) (9)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-09-03

Cindy this piece truly brought tears. It is so beautiful yet I feel that aching longing in your words. It is these dreams that keeps the spark in our eyes when the flame gets so low and pulls us through another night ... as we anticipate sleep ... for we know it will bring the one we love (loved) so much to our arms if even for just a few moments.

You have done a great job with this form. Just reading the how-to's makes my head spin at the moment ... but I will give it a shot in the near future.

Touching read dear friend!
Love ya
Lu

Innocent Childhood (17)
by Lonely Rider

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-20

Gliding down the Rainbow,
Across the cerulean sky,
Angels sans wings,
On cottony clouds we fly.
^^
The imagery created is wonderful in this opening stanza!

Chasing after butterflies,
Dabbling in puddles,
Scaling the tallest bough,
A life so untangled.
^^^
The innocence of childhood ... yes ... I so remember chasing those butterflies (begging my brother not to pull at their wings) ... the challenges of having a brother .... lol

As do I also remember the mud puddles and the mud pies he would try and make me taste ... lol

I really enjoyed this read ... and the imagery you've painted swept me back to those days of long ago.

Well done
Luanne

Summer's Longing (6)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-19

Oh XD this write tugs at the heart strings.
It has me wiping a tear ... yet a smile upon my face for I know the inspiration from which this wonderfully woven piece has come from.
I am so proud of you for your writing had grown in great leaps .... and I do believe someday I shall be reading your work in hard cover.

Now for the poem ....
Your word usage is amazing and leaves me speechless. The emotion within your words makes one wipe a tear yet stare in awe as your words unfold.

I have so many favorite lines in this piece ....

- Upon kaleidoscopic winds of love
- Embellishing arched gilded skies
- Thine song nightingale hath sung
- To glimpse thee in hope once more
- Grieving fool bides for next summers call
^^^
Only to name a few!

The imagery is quite amazing .... and the title so very suiting.

Wonderful read my friend and piece I find very worthy of nomination and front page recognition. Excellent
Luanne

The Way It Seems (22)
by billy rob

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-18

I pinch my arm in dreams for I fear this is not true,
loving simple men like me ladies do not do.
My eyes will open up, so afraid it was a dream,
so I pray each morning it is the way it seems.
^^^
Such a soul touching ending my friend!

Gentle winds trail behind her to smell her sweet perfume
^^^
I love this opening line .... it creates such amazing imagery and opens the poem fantastically.

Another great read my friend
Luanne

As Quiet River Runs (Licentia Rhyme) revised (22)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-17

Debbie ... Debbie ... Debbie

I can not even begin to tell you the feeling I got while reading this piece. It is as though you dipped your pen in golden ink and colored the sky.

Vernal chill invades this trembling shattered heart
Skeletal branches plead for another start
Quiet river swells, her melancholy song
Remainders of a feeling, now love has gone
Wild flower remnants lie dry beneath bruised feet
"Please return"- repeats in every anguished beat
^^^
This part touched me so much ....


The ending so beautifully penned!

Skeletal branches plead for another start <---- brilliant wording!

The imagery is amazing .... the form ... well I can't even imagine trying to tackle this one ... lol

There is no form out there that I think you can not master with style and the flowing ink of brilliance.

Excellent read Debbie ....
And this is what P&Q visitors and future members should see when entering this site ....

Luanne

Carried On A Breeze ( Lento ) (16)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-17

Aching for your loving touch
Cradling warmth, embracing arms
Sleeping tucked within your heart
Dreaming safely away from harm
^^^
Cindy ... this part just brings a tear to my eye. It's just so beautifully penned from the heart.
Sleeping tucked within your heart <---- the imagery in this line just melts my heart.

You have done a wonderful piece with this form Cindy. I can't even seem to begin mine ... Well tomorrow is a new day, perhaps a rhyme shall come ... lol

Excellent read as always my friend
Luanne

Wishing You Were Here (15)
by billy rob

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-07

It seemed to me the mountain swayed
beneath the windblown trees,
sending my mind a sweet memory
of when you were here with me.
^^^
Awww Rob the imagery you've created in this stanza is so very touching ... and the title speaks all

For a moment I could smell your scent,
like your head was on my chest.
If only God would give back one day
I would let Him have the rest.
^^^
This stanza reminds me so much of that song "One more day with you"
To have just one more day .... or be able to relive that one day over again ...
This part really sweeps into my heart

You will always live inside me,
but how I miss you so.
I know the mountain you wait on,
I will be there before you go.
^^^
The ending brings a tear ~wipes tear~ ... Someday, will come Rob ....
Touching piece you've penned my friend, reaching into the heart as always
Luanne

Nothing Sound (13)
by Dixiedaisy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-07

Gushing oil and twisted steel
Our wildlife put to test
Aftermath of an oil spill
wounding nature's breast

^^^
Your opening stanza is very eye opening Kay.
Your 4th line is heart hitting ....
Wounding nature's breast < ---- Deep meaning

The imagery you've created makes one want to cry ... for the wildlife and beauty destroyed.


This tragic even forever changed our wildlife and has affected it to this day. This matter is still tied up in our courts as of this day.
^^^
I love how you added this piece at the end so the reader can google this tragic event.
So very sad!
I am definitely going to google this after and read all about it.

Thank you for sharing your words Kay ... very heart wrenching

A Mother's Longing (27)
by Sher

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-04

Why must these feelings continue
Unable to do anything; helpless
Loving you more than life
Yet, unable to cure your illness
^^^
We would give ANYTHING to help our children ... and you have expressed that so clearly in this opening stanza. Yet when all we can do is sit by (helpless) and unable to take away the pain it breaks our hearts.

Medication, physicians; even therapist
Daily existence no longer experienced
Freed from agonizing mental torture
Living life filled with cheerfulness
^^^
Your title speaks in this stanza. A mother longs to do all these things. To see her child live in happiness, free from the things that torture them ... be it ... mental or physical torture.

This piece has touched my heart. Being a mother I can relate to the tears that created this piece.
Though this piece is so sad ... the love you have for your son shines ....
He will pull through the hard days because ... he has the love of his mother and a beautiful hand to hold through-out the journey.

Touching ... so very touching
Luanne

Broken Little Girl (10)
by An Angel in the Darkness

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-01

I guess I am looking for something new,
Traveling in a world all to familiar to these tired eyes.
^^
I like the idea of beginning with a couplet. (Personally) I would change a little of this'
Perhaps ....

Traveling in a world all to familiar to these tired eyes.
Desperately searching for something new
^^^
Basically your words just turned around a little.


I am standing underneath the street lamp,
In pitch black silence,
Waiting for a car to pass,
A star to fall,
Something new to come.
^^^
I really love this part ...
Changes I would make ...

Standing beneath a street lamp,
In pitch black silence,
Waiting for a car to pass,
Perhaps a star to fall,
Something new to come.
^^^
Omitting a few words gives a stronger effect to the reader.

But I wait for a prayer that shall never be answered,
^^^
Waiting for a prayer, that shall never be answered.

I ' m crying out for someone to hear my pleas,
To take me away ,
But no one comes,
And no one stays.
^^^
Crying out for someone, to hear my pleas.
To please take me away.
No one comes,
Not anyone who ever stays, that is.


A single light,
Dimming in the night,
A wishful hope,
Stolen away by the dark beast.
^^^
Single light,
Dimming in the night
Wishful hope,
Stolen by the beast of darkness

I really do like this piece. And with a little bit of tweaking it will be even more impacting to the reader.
It has emotion and I can feel your pleas through your words. The sadness you feel in very evident as tears have penned this piece.

A title came to my mind after reading this piece ...

Broken Girl in an Unconscious World

^^
Perhaps maybe a title for your next piece. Hmmmm

Touching read
Luanne

Sleeping Child (7)
by Paralyzed

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-01

The sweetest breath I've ever felt,
Whispers on my cheek,
The faint perfume of life in bloom,
Begs me not to speak.
^^^
This stanza is beauty. The sweet darling smell of baby whisper upon our cheeks makes the heart beat to the tune of genuine love.

Little child of the sun,
I love to watch you sleep,
My tiny star, it's so bizarre,
So happy, yet I weep.
^^^
Awww this stanza is precious. We weep for when we look into this precious little gift's face we can't believe we have made something so preciously beautiful.

A single tear, so full of hope,
I'll do my very best,
To keep you warm, through sun or storm,
No matter what the quest.
^^^
Beautiful words spoken from the heart of a true parent.
Takes one's breath away

Sleeping child, melting heart,
My angel here on earth,
I'll always show and hope you know,
To me, how much you're worth.
^^^
I could not think of a more touching ending to end this beautifully woven piece.
You have touched my heart with your sincere words of love.
Excellent read
Luanne

Rumours (3)
by Paralyzed

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-01

Thoughts are scattered,
Reps are broken,
Hurtful words,
Best left unspoken.
^^^
You hit the nail on the head in this part. The pain and heartache rumors cause others leave scars on their hearts forever.

Love yourself,
To love another,
Give as though,
Each were your brother.
^^^
Excellent message told in this part.

The entire piece flowed wonderful and leaves the reader thinking deeply. The message within the lines is one everyone should listen too

Excellent read, penned with perfection
Luanne

The Tears of a Violin (14)
by Penumbra

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-01

Shattering chains that choke the heart
Magnifying the tremendous beauty of art
^^^
This couplet is magnificent ... leaves me breathless

The sensual dance of the lonely bow
Wooing the strings to enable feeling to flow
^^
Excellent imagery you've painted with this couplet!

Hear how the violin weeps, romance is sheer
As much as it endeavors, it can never shed tears
^^^
Amazing ending couplet .... wrapped the piece up with excellence

You have painted imagery galore upon your canvas .... the uniqueness of this piece is so very impressive.
I really truly loved it

A definite nomination worthy piece, hope to see it upon the front pages of P&Q
Luanne

Misplaced (3)
by The Phenomenal 1

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

I like the feel of this piece, it is sad yet speaks a sense of hope in the ending lines.

- My personal opinion:
I would break it down something like this. I find some poems hard to read when they are all jumbled together. In some they work in others ... I just lose interest before I get to the next line. Omitting some of the needless words helps also. (A,and, but, I ... ect ....)

Hope this helped : )
Luanne

A thought of betrayal
vision of disgrace
an ideal of love
more than misplaced
hatred of failure
lust for a new pace

Feeling of loss
start to ensue
even after all of this
just want to believe
that I can find my place
with you.

On the edge of heaven (41)
by Ingrid de K

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

Just to have you with me
I would have done almost anything
Only a blind man could have failed
to notice the state that I was in.
^^^
The things we will do to hold on to the love and to have the one we love close to us ... hoping and praying that they will return the feeling.

Every time we met,
my heart would skip a beat
Never imagined our relationship
would end in tears and defeat.
^^^
We never do imagine that it will end... and the pain that comes along with it destroys us.

My other half is what you are to me
to know all this but still having to walk away
Is more than I can bare, because in your arms
is where I belong and where I want to stay.
^^^
This stanza is painted with tears Ingrid.
To walk away knowing that this person is all you've ever wanted ... and still all you want is heart breaking to walk away from.

On the edge of heaven
but forever on the outside looking in
I will turn away from love now,
this game at which I will never win.
^^^
The pain of losing the one we love makes us just want to give up on love altogether. Guard our hearts and put up that defensive wall so that no other can ever penetrate our hearts or thoughts.
I know that feeling all to well.

You have penned an amazing sad, heart touching read here my friend.
Thank you for sharing the whispers of your heart.
Luanne

The Edge Of Heaven (16)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

Black wrought iron fence stood guard
With sharp points reaching for the sky
Demons within these walls screamed
Her spirit needed freedom to fly
^^^
Searching for the freedom yet the cold black demons within ground the soul.

Looking down upon the remnants
Blood soaked bricks begin to fade
Bright light enfolds her in warmth
Her dues on earth have been paid
^^^
Cindy I love this ending. I interpreted this as:
She lived in hell on earth, now heaven is her reward for all that she endured.

A very thought provoking piece you've penned here my friend. You have definitely stimulated my mind.
Excellent
Luanne

Fond Memories. (3)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

Looking back upon that place
Solitude of a lonely soul
Now forever to be gone
A heart wielding a hole
^^^
So sad when we lose the things we love to do. I can feel the sadness in your words

Memories of hustling days
Of table hockey on air
Victorious hand of iron
Hustler born with a flair
^^^
Good thing for memories ... well the good ones anyway ... lol
I remember the Pac-man days when we would all gather round trying to beat each other's score. Long since the building has been torn down and gravel now covers the spot where we laughed and played our hearts out.
How quickly time passes and times change.

For the time has come at last
To close the chapter of youth
To linger his fame in memories
And accept he's grown...the truth.
^^^
I can feel the spark of sadness in your voiced words you've penned here XD. Acceptance is so hard by times ...

An excellent read XD, the uniqueness in this piece is wonderful. A tribute to the days gone by. Another beauty penned by you

Luanne

The Long Wait (8)
by Anna Stephens

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

Oh Anna this piece has moved me to tears.

Laughing until they cried and crying until they laughed
Trying not to reveal to each other how terrified they really are
^^^
I can relate so well to this part my friend.A friend and I were talking one day as we were discussing a topic that was very stabbing to my heart. And she said how can you laugh while your heart is breaking and I said "I laugh because if I don't I will cry" That part reminded me so much of that day.

Many prayers for your dear brother Anna.
The imagery you have painted in this piece is so very touching.
God bless you and yours my friend
~Hugs~
Luanne

A House Not Far Away (26)
by billy rob

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

The first 3 stanzas are so very sad and touching. And so very true that you just never know what goes on inside the houses down the street, across the street or a block away.
And it would startle so many to actually know what goes on right in front of their noses.

This world where we all live are filled with neighborhoods
and houses full of people, both evil and those good.
A house is like our body, the outside can look swell,
but if evil lives inside, the soul can be from hell.
^^^^
This ending speaks so much truth ....
If evil lives inside, the beauty on the outside can be so ugly on the inside.

All your writes so far hold such meaning within their lines.
Though I have just begun to get to know you ... I know just from reading your verses .... that a man with a wonderful, kind heart holds the pen in his hand gently as he strokes upon his canvas words of truth, compassion, and understanding.

Another soul touching write you've penned here my friend.
Luanne

Promise Me This (12)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

Promise me this as ocean tide erases printed sand
You'll recall two lovers combing beaches hand in hand
Gathering shells and feathers left buried 'neath the dunes
Nature's splendor serenading phases of the moon
^^^
Debbie if ever there be a stanza to steal my breath ... this be it. The imagery dances in my mind and sparkles from your pen.

Promise me this as Winter's icy clutches beckon death
You'll remember fireside kisses, puffs of frosty breath
Fluffy hillside angels, lit snowflakes on the tongue
Smiling faces lined by age, two hearts forever young
^^^
I love this part also ... especially the ending line.
Makes me want to say Awwwww

The entire piece is mesmerizing and makes me want to read it over and over and over.
Congrats on your win .... a wonderful piece you've penned dear friend.

Burn After Reading (18)
by End Of Eternity

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

Black cloud rising from my ashes
Blending with the scent of your skin
Stabbed again on my death bed
With memories of my lover's sin
^^^
I can feel the pain in this part ... the flashbacks of betrayal stabbing and striking.

What we called love is now war
Your putrid heart so full of lies
Time to rise again from my scars
In the end, my enemy has to die
^^^
The enemy has to die .... be it the memories or the failed love ... death of either would bring the anguished heart satisfaction.


Sleep my love on the edge of a knife
Be scared when I enter your dreams
Tonight I will end your seven lives
Dancing with your melodious screams
^^^
I loved this part ... especially ...
"Sleep my love on the edge of a knife"
Chilling ... gives me goosebumps

Hell awaits you my dear angel
Pay for the blood spilled when I cry
Trust my hatred for you this time
Run to burn after reading this lullaby
^^^
Excellent ending stanza Nitin!
"Hell awaits you my dear angel"
^^^
Awesome line ... Hell and Angel in the same line ... I can feel the air of sarcasm in the tone.

You have penned an excellent read Nitin!
Luanne

Forever Would Be Never [If Never Was Enough] (15)
by Britt

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

And I never should have allowed myself to love you
You left me lying in our bed all alone last night
Maybe you had something more important to do
^^^
Doesn't it just kill our souls the way they can just walk away ... as though nothing should be wrong and nothing overly bothers them ....

It's the fact that my tears don't phase you anymore
^^^
It's as though they get an immunity to them. And I would just like to sometimes .... bottle them and pour it over their heads ... in hopes that the tears may drown their hearts as it does ours .... lol ... I guess I going to quite an extent but I understand what you feel in this line.

Maybe that was my first clue that you weren't good enough
You used to be the kind of medicine I thought I needed
But now I'm finally realizing you're the poison I avoid.
^^^
I love your ending lines ....

You have painted imagery that I have walked through many time in my trails.
Excellently penned Britt
Luanne

A Dead Body, And A Broken Heart (33)
by SuicideNotes2Poems

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

One night gone another one past,
I wonder how long this torture is gunna last,
^^^
I would omit the I in the second line ... you will see how much better it will flow.
gunna ----> going to

The stranger cuts me, he hurts me inside
Seeing me bleed, because of he who cannot thrive
^^^
Very deep words.

The heart is sorry, all he knows is pain
He cuts to let the sorrow out, he cuts just to stay sane
^^^
Here "he" is repeated 3 times .... perhaps you would like

The heart is sorry, all he knows is pain
Cuts to relieve sorrow, carves to stay sane

He is dead and forgotten, but he still moves on
Hes living life even though hes gone
^^^
4 he and he's here .... perhaps

Dead and forgotten, but still moves on
Living life even though he's gone

This world dosn't need a depressed broken heart
That destroys its beholder, cutting it apart
^^^
dosn't ----> doesn't
I really like these 2 lines ... quite the imagery painted.

I really like this piece, it shouts sadness and leaves the reader holding their heart.

May the ink of your pen forever flow ....
Luanne

Memories. (4)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-26

Dwelling still in yesterdays
A love enchanting as snow
Your charming smile, my snow angel
Unable to let you go
^^^
Awww XD such a heart touching stanza. Just wanting to hold on to FOREVER.

Can I roll one more time
Accursed dice of destiny?
Spare the hurt, cease the rain
Replace these wretched memories
^^^
NOW THIS STANZA IS AMAZING AND YES I had to shout that. The wording is mesmerizing and just leaks into the readers mind and drowns them is awe. "Can I roll one more time" .... Loved it!

Burn the pages, let it all go
The only way to start anew
Heard your laughter, saw your smile
Why cant I ever forget you?...
^^^
If only there were an easy way. ~sighs~
When once asked it you love with your heart or mind .... I said heart but now I see it as .... you love with your heart but when the love has been taken away from you ... it is your mind that keeps replaying the memories.

Touching read as always my friend.
Luanne

My Offer (3)
by Bill Turner

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-25

You are the only one to ever reach me
Touching my soul in ways never dreamed
Your loving touch forever taking care of me
^^^
Bill this stanza is beyond even beautiful .... it is the truest of true words whispered from your heart.
They are such touching words ....

When the darkness creeps into my head
You are always there keeping the demons away
Even the night I feared I would end up dead
^^^
Isn't it so true ... that is the one we love who holds us together when we are falling apart. When darkness or illness comes, it is them that is our savior

I long to spend an eternity in your life
Giving to you all that I possibly can
Ensuring that you are the happiest wife
^^^
Happy wife .... Happy life ... lol ... I just had to say that because Darryll always says that as a joke.
But on a serious note: This stanza just speaks love and all the beauties that come with opening up your heart and giving all you can ....

For you have given me a life worth living
Passion, tenderness and love
I offer my love that I will forever be giving
^^^
Beautiful ending Bro ...

This entire piece just flows with love .... ~wipes tear~ and it is a beautifully woven piece, knitted together by the beauty and love that lays within your heart.

~Big hugs~ Bro ....
Sis

Seasons (6)
by Bill Turner

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-25

Bill
Wow you have created some amazing imagery with the stroke of your pen, my friend.

Old man winter is on the run
Bolts of lightning crashing at his heal
Leaves, buds and blooms laughing in his wake
As the sea of grey and doom
Turns to green and bloom
^^^
Awesome!

Great to see you back writing again ... and really great to see you back.
~Hugs~
Sis

Mother Ocean (4)
by Penumbra

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-24

Sunshine invaded my very being in its magnificent golden glory
Waves crashed in a foreboding symphony as if to majestically put an end to their destiny
Exploding in misty white foam engulfing the mind in a shroud off peace
Taking birth again and again, as Mother Ocean cradled her turbulent offspring
^^^^
Amazingly woven lines you've penned here. The imagery is none like I've seen before. The ending line is magnificent!

The sand glittered dazzlingly, preening itself in the glow of the sunshine
Every grain of sand made to be persistently and passionately kissed by the sunlight
A meek sign of life here, as a tiny creature in a pompous soliloquy
Peeked out of its tiny home, paying tribute to Lord Sun
Perpetual giver of life, indomitable protector of existence
^^^
Your word usage in this stanza is beyond words and captures my attention as though under a spell. Wonderfully expressed!

Oh was that the Whale? Queen of the ocean, Ballet dancer of the blue depths
Lost in her own world of beauty and grace, caressed by subtle fantasy
A blessing in disguise, a gargantuan mesmerism of ungraspableagic
A gift of God sent to us mere humanity, to allow us
To appreciate the wonderful poetry of Creation
^^^
The ending deserves applause ~claps~
"Queen of the ocean, Ballet dancer of the blue depths" <----- wonderful description and imagery implanted in the mind with impact.

Your writing is very impressive and leaves the reader captivated by the imagery created and the word usage creates deep, impacting awe.

From Ocean�s womb till it returned back into its embrace with the same choir of nature
^^^
I would just edit the little squiggles in this line in the 3rd stanza and I think this piece is very worthy of front page nomination .... I am definitely nominating this piece.

Magnificent writing and an overall stunning read!
Excellent!
Luanne

Not Being What They Seem (15)
by billy rob

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

I woke up to look around my room
To find who was hiding there.
Then ashamed I bowed my head,
For God is everywhere.
^^^
Yes he is dear friend! This ending ends the piece wonderfully and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
The entire piece is intense and grabs the readers attention and makes one really think deeply.

You have woven a wonderful piece with your heart as the pen and the message is deep and impacting.
Excellent read Billy Rob!

Plinth of Agony (3)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

Shredded petals of love
Falling softly all around
A stoned heart of despair
Is crumbling on icy ground
^^^
I love your opening stanza. It has imagery of heartache displayed through the lines.
I may perhaps change stoned to stone in the 3rd line.

Like a helpless fool he lingers
Amidst the dark of night
Ravaged by grief's stormy sleet
He seeks in vain her light
^^^
Excellently penned stanza!

To stand upon unsought past
As tears in torrents fall
Once holding his forever
Then somehow losing it all
^^^
And the stanza's just keep getting better. This one makes me really want to weep. The words strike deep into the heart.

What an excellent piece you've woven here XD ... Pain strings like a web from line to line and captures the reader and shakes the heart.
Great title choice, fits the content perfectly.

Another masterpiece XD
Luanne

Goodbye Uncle George (12)
by BurriedFaceDown

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

You have woven a sad heart wrenching piece here dear heart.
Very creative how you wrote from the voices of both persons. You could feel the emotions from both sides and it gave the reader a very clear image of the sadness that girl was feeling ....

My dear girl, I know it is hard but be strong,
Remember my soothing song,
It will help you feel that nothing is wrong,
But this is where I now belong,
And you will be here too before long,
Goodbye my girl,I love you, and remember stay strong,
^^^
Very touching ! I can almost hear the whisper as the voice begins to fade away.

My condolences to your friend on this day of sadness.
Very beautiful of you to dedicate a poem to her .... if only the world had many more friends such as you.

Touching read, woven from the deepest of your heart
Luanne

Globly. (3)
by Diana Barahona

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

I look at you, you look back.
i tell you i love you, and that it's fact.
you stare at me harder; i started to melt.
sweating, thinking if you knew how i felt.
^^^
I love the feeling of the sweetness of this opening stanza.

A few changes .... To many "I's"

Look at you, you look back.
tell you i love you, and that's a fact.
you stare at me harder; I'm starting to melt.
sweating, wondering if you knew how i felt.


I'm thinking there's nothing more humiliating than this.
than you grab me close and strong and give me a kiss.
we melt and sank down; you sighed,
"theres nothing better than just you and i."
^^^
The anticipating of the kiss and wondering if the feelings are mutual .... your second line says "yes" and the ending line speaks "love"
Beautiful!

A few changes I would make ....

Thinking there's nothing more humiliating than this.
than you grab me close and give me a kiss.
we melt into an embrace as you sigh
"there's nothing better than just ... you and I."


There is nothing better than the feeling of admiration being returned .... sweet poem you've penned here Diana

Luanne

Wolf wolf wolf (4)
by Diana Barahona

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

Pretty as a bee,
lonely as a sea.
he stalks his prey within the night
looking for something to chew and bite.
sounds so fierce, growls so loud;
stands up so big and proud.
wolf wolf wolf, come to me,
help me be who i want to be.
^^^
I really like this one. It has imagery fierce yet calm .... lonely yet proud.


A few minor changes I would make ....

Pretty as a bee,
lonely as the sea...
stalks his prey within the night
searching for something to chew and bite.
sounds so fierce, growls so loud;
stands up so big and proud.
wolf wolf wolf, come to me,
help me be who, i want to be.

In the third line you have his so you really don't need he ....
Looking ---> searching in 4th line

I think you have great potential as a writer Diana. I will do more tomorrow hun.

Luanne

A Hundred Photos on the Wall (26)
by Live WeLL

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

I wish our eyes had opened,
instead of waiting 'til too late.
Suddenly our journey ended,
as if written in our fate.
^^^
This part is so very touching. If only we could turn back time and know what we know now.

We all went on our separate roads,
making new friends on the way.
I must admit that since we split,
I've not been quite okay.
^^^
I can relate so well to this part. Though school ended for me some near 20 years ago, the friends I had then I no longer see but maybe once every 5 years. So very sad how you grow apart from the ones in which you held such wonderful memories.

You have penned a piece with such deep emotion. Perhaps others that read this will remember your words when their last days of school arrive. And keep in touch with their friends before the time ticks away and all are left are the memories ....
Wonderfully penned, great read
Luanne

What if you had the power? (20)
by Live WeLL

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

What if you had the power
to help everyone in need?
To take the hands of those who've failed,
and help them to succeed?
^^^
Everyone has that power ... not to help everyone but do what they can, yet so many opt to turn a blind eye. So very sad

What if you took this power
and put it to good use?
What if you made a difference
instead of always an excuse...
^^^
After reading all 4 stanzas I knew there was something deep and true coming in the ending stanza. And upon reading it I said to myself "excellent voice in the ending stanza"

You have penned this write with the love and compassion that lays within your heart and it shines in the 2 ending lines hun.
Bravo! ~claps~ excellent message you've woven into this write.
Well done, excellent read
Luanne

Why Didn't You? (6)
by Nicole the Fairy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-18

Why didn;t you run
When you had the chance?
Instead of returning every day
Why didn't you quit that hurting romance?
^^^
Such a very sad opening stanza. When caught in the web of love our eyes are so blinded by times and our lips so closed.

Why didn't you strike him back
When he hit you so hard you couldn't even scream?
Didn't you suffer enough when he told you he didn't love you
Realising that that life was not your dream?
^^^
Such a tragic way to live and you have expressed the suffering (emotionally and physically) that abused victims go through.
4th line realising -----> realizing

Why didn't you show me your bruises
When you had the opportunity?
You're body covered with bandaids
How didn't I see?
^^^
We sometimes don't see because the victim hides it so well ... touching stanza
3rd line You're ----> Your



Why didn't you stop him from winning
When he hurt then apologised?
The scenes in your mind
He replayed, repeated and made you memorise?
^^^
How sometimes the victim becomes to think it is all their fault and the other will change. Very sad, yet true stanza.

2nd line apologised ----> apologized
4th line ----> memorise ----> memorize

Why didn't you answer
When I called your phone that night?
Seeing your beaten body lifeless
Did you really have any chance of putting up a fight?
^^^
What a heart wrenching ending you've penned here.
A very sad read, well done
Luanne

A promise to myself (7)
by Ingrid de K

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-17

Standing there,
facing the horizon
Watching the waves
My soothing lullaby
rocks me
to and fro
^^^
Ingrid you have painted such clear imagery within your words. I can see you, your hair blowing slightly in the breeze as you look into the horizon .... perhaps wiping a tear as you rock to and from

I'd rather
live my life alone
then spend my days
in agony
^^^
Your ending holds sadness but shows so much strength. Wonderful ending Ingrid!

Luanne

Memories... (4)
by Lonely Rider

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-16

Rumaging through the memories
of those bygone days...
I fumbled across the smiles
that were brought my way...
^^^
You have painted quite clear imagery within your lines here without totally revealing your action. Excellent! I get an image of someone sorting through old pictures.
One little error .... rumaging = rummaging

Along the journey
on which turn...
did I lost the dreams
I made once...
^^^
3rd line ---- > did I lose the dreams

Alienated.... an aching Heart
Broken .... teared apart
^^^
I love these lines but perhaps you would rather ....
Broken .... torn apart

Silently,
My soul cries...
As I rummage through the memories
of the years gone by...
^^^
Very sad, touching ending. You have expressed the ache in the heart we get when looking through past memories.

Except for a few minor errors I really enjoyed this read. It expressed such deep sadness.
Well done
Luanne

Luke 5;32 (12)
by Michael D Nalley

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-16

"I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance."
What do you suppose would be the key word in this divine sentence?
Who among us is without a sin and able cast the first stone?
Can anyone forgive sin by their own power but God alone?
^^^
Excellent opening stanza ... such truth within the words.

Who among us is without a sin and able cast the first stone?
^^^
I'm not sure if you were going for ...
Who among us is without a sin and able, cast the first stone
or ....
Who among us is without a sin and able (to)cast the first stone?


Jesus said be ready for you know not the hour I come
It will be a joyful time for the faithful and sorrowful for some
Lord forgive me for the times I have fallen and all those who fell
Into the abyss of suffering because we have accepted Satan's hell
^^^
Very deep words you've penned here.

Favorite lines ....
- Can anyone forgive sin by their own power but God alone
- I am not called to examine the speck in my brother's eyes
- Lord forgive me for the times I have fallen and all those who fell
- And the entire ending stanza!

Magnificently penned, with deep truth.
Excellent read
Luanne

Can Forever Really Hold (3)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-16

Can forever really hold
When hearts change like the sky
Can love still remain true
When time has flown by
^^^
You make the reader really think with this opening stanza.

Heard your sweet promises
Whispered to me that day
You put me in a dream
Filled with magical sun rays
^^^
This stanza is beautifully woven ... The sweetness of love yet sometimes the bitterness is still to come.

But then you burst the bubble
I crumbled on concrete ground
Stopped my heart the beating
When you left without a sound
^^^
The pain in this stanza is so very evident. When our bubble bursts it is a though we crash and burn. Our hearts seem to stop beating to the tune of happiness.

Now my dreams are darkness
Nothing else left to hold
Though memories still linger
These mazes are icy cold
^^^
Oh I get you here with the memories. The good the bad they all curl up into an ugly ball of anger and sadness.

Can forever really hold
When hearts change like the sky
Can love still remain true
When all are packs of lies
^^^
I found your ending line threw it off a little. May I suggest.
When all you told were lies .... or
When our dreams were broken by lies ...

Another beauty whispered from your heart XD
Luanne

Evil Breeds (12)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-15

Darkness surrounds mind
Happiness flew away
Words spit serpents tongue
Changed it all in a day
^^^
Cindy my dear friend ...
Serpent <---- At the gate's of heaven the serpent's tongue shall be cut and the soul will be delivered the punishment due.

And you my friend <----- will still have the beautiful soul as your earthly body has today.

Light thought to be found
Struggled to reach for years
Extinguished in minutes
Bringing back lost fears
^^^
Sweet friend do not allow (anyone) to steal away the things you worked so hard to accomplish.

Evil hearts poisonous
Shallow minds seem to breed
Stomping destroy the weak
Fulfilling their own greed
^^^
An evil heart may be poisonous hun but a beautiful heart stands taller and walks prouder and at the end of the day can say "I am a good person" ....

Takes ones dreams of hope
To make themselves strong
Pain awaits future doom
For all their past wrongs
^^^
And their past wrongs shall be met with punishment.

My Aunt before she died of complications on the operating table during heart surgery and lived a very painful life for near 10 years .... always said
"I carry this cross for a reason" and she always believed that she carried that cross because it meant another member of her family would live a better life. (Perhaps free of pain and suffering) and she carried that cross with dignity until her dieing day. And back then it did not make much sense to me but now I find it to hold much truth.

Cindy free the serpent from you loving, caring, compassionate mind .... there is no room for her evil self there. Because simply .... you are much better than she will ever be.
Love ya hun
Luanne

Talking (1)
by Jorge Tsipos

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-15

By saying everything and nothing
By telling all and none
By faking communication
By just sucking on our thumb
^^^
I'm not usually a fan of word repetition but ... it fit perfectly in this stanza.

Our childish regression
From the smartest to the fool
Our inner soul repression
Our desperate need to remain cool
^^^
I'd omit in this one though ...

Our childish regression
From the smartest to the fool
Inner soul repression
Desperate need to remain cool
^^^
It makes it flow through the readers mind and gives a deeper effect to the reader.

From the arduous task of living
Eventually we break
A billion times we're breathing
A little slice of death we take.
^^^
This is an excellent stanza! I would omit the "a" in the forth line for better flow.

Get your sleep they say
But little do they know
Whilst get their sleep they may
Their time of life they slow
^^^
Another great stanza! The clock keeps ticking.


I wish I could just take back time and ask
If she really loved me
If she was ready for the task
If only I could be
But I'll never remove this mask
^^^
This one threw me off a little with the 5 lines ...

I will find someone
I will move on
^^^
The ending couplet fit in perfectly and left the reader with a feeling of sadness. Yet it painted a strong expression. "I will move on ..."
Loved the ending.

Another great read Jorge! I hope you are not offended of my critique.
I think honesty gets us much farther in growth as writers. And I think you have great potential hun.
Looking forward to reading more
Luanne

The Wait (31)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-15

Quietly sobs when she's alone
Thinking no one else can hear
Family feels her pain daily
Yet they can't erase her fears
^^^
~Wipes tear~ Yes I can hear dear heart, and I know you try so hard to mask the sadness. The eyes may be the window to the soul but .... the voice is the window to the heart.

Longing to see her smile again
Hoping for better days ahead
In their hearts they know
Peace will come when she is dead
^^^
This part makes my heart ache dear friend. For I know you dream of the days when those loving arms will hold you tight once again but darling .... God needs Angels on earth too.

She tells them all is Okay
They know that she pretends
She is trying to protect them
As she waits for life to end
^^^
This ending is both wrote and read through tears, for I know because half of those tears are mine.
Cindy you've penned a write that touches my heart, not only because the words are so very heart wrenching but also because I know they live within your heart.
Much love beautiful lady,
Luanne

Ever Since We Met (11)
by EvanescentMoon

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-15

I think this would make a fabulous love song.
Ever since we met...
ever since we strode hand-in-hand...
my heart has been crazy...
and I found what love is all about.
^^^
I find myself putting a certain air to it and I think it could be a magical song creation in the works.

Ever since we met...
changed - is my life.
My heart has been crazy...
and I found what love is all about.
^^^
Such beautiful lines.

In blooming roses,
I look for you.
I don't know what comes over me
the sight of you
brings a smile on my lips.
God forbid! May we never part.
^^^
Breathtaking .... how love can make us open our eyes and our hearts to the things we may of otherwise never seen.

Even though this is an imaginary tale I am sure it has been lived out for someone .... somewhere and you have now just told their story.
Beautiful loving feeling this piece holds!
Luanne

Purpose (6)
by Joshua Reimer

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-14

For war and hatred is life's cruel game
contradicting views and objectives diverse
cause people to clash a never ending curse
^^^
I really like this part, it hold a lot of meaning within it's lines.

condemned to life were prisoners of the world
^^^
condemned to life (we're) prisoners of the world

the strife and destruction as we turn a blind eye
^^^
Omit the "the" ... it will flow much better hun
longing for the day that we breath our last breath
^^^
longing for the day that we (breathe) our last breath


in this life sentence no chance of parole
patience grows thin for the freedom of our soul
longing for the day that we breath our last breath
grant us pardon and strength as we fade into death
^^^
These last lines hold a lot of depth. Very touching lines also. I can feel them being read as a near chant .... as we fade into death.

Except for the few minor things I pointed out ... this is a great read. It has deep meaning and your word usage is excellent. I like your rhyme scheme also.

I am not a big fan of poems all in one. I tend to find them harder to read and get the full effect of the piece. With your rhyme scheme you may also like it like this ....
...............................................................
Purpose

We live without reason and march without rhyme
searching for a purpose since the beginning of time

lack of a query is partly to blame
for war and hatred is life's cruel game

contradicting views and objectives diverse
cause people to clash a never ending curse

condemned to life were prisoners of the world
tortured and scarred by events unfurled

victims of injustice we've grown to deny
the strife and destruction as we turn a blind eye

so without sense of direction we stagger along
dazed and confused this all seems so wrong

in this life sentence no chance of parole
patience grows thin for the freedom of our sou
l
longing for the day that we breath our last breath
grant us pardon and strength as we fade into death

or like this ......
..............................................................
Purpose

We live without reason and march without rhyme
searching for a purpose since the beginning of time
lack of a query is partly to blame
for war and hatred is life's cruel game

contradicting views and objectives diverse
cause people to clash a never ending curse
condemned to life were prisoners of the world
tortured and scarred by events unfurled

victims of injustice we've grown to deny
the strife and destruction as we turn a blind eye
so without sense of direction we stagger along
dazed and confused this all seems so wrong

in this life sentence no chance of parole
patience grows thin for the freedom of our soul
longing for the day that we breath our last breath
grant us pardon and strength as we fade into death

Excellent read Joshua!
Luanne

Granddad (20)
by Deana

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-11

He sat rocking, slowly back and forth
Hands a little shaky now, not like his youth
Back then they were steady and strong.
They had built this house
^^^
The imagery in this opening stanza is so clear. I can see the image of an elderly man rocking to and fro.

He knew that one day soon
He'd close his eyes and be taken home
In his sleep, he supposed
Didn't much care anyway
^^^
This part is so sad ... An image is created in my mind of the elderly mad, still in his rocker staring into the skies wondering when he will be taken home ....

Granddad, you old sleepy head!
Get up, we need to play today
A smile touched his lips, a side glance to heaven.
Maybe just a day or two more Lord.
^^^
This ending is wonderful ...
How the smile of a child or the ones we love can lift our spirits. When all our hopes are gone and we think we are ready to go home ... we push onwards for just one more day with our loved ones .... A beautiful, touching ending.

My first try at a non-rhyming poem.
^^^
Deana you have done a wonderful job!
You have woven a piece that jumped right inside my heart and touched my soul.
Excellent !
Luanne

Now That You're Gone (14)
by EvanescentMoon

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-10

Eyes filled with tears, scanned the grayish sky.
Whispered your name, along with a great sigh.
Heavenly castle, in the air mislead me.
I am lost. Lost in my [own] fantasy.
^^^^
Wonderful opening stanza.
Whispered your name, along with a great sigh.
^^^ This line is so true how we tend to whisper the name and sigh at the thought of what went wrong.

A love that has turned to pain [I cried.]
You made me feel everything. So Much.
I Love You. -For all that you are and aren't.
But why, why did you choose to let go?
^^^
This stanza is so very sad. We give our all and love through the good and bad, love them unconditionally and see past the flaws (of our partner) and we are left holding our hearts in the palm of our hand wondering (why) did they give up on us so easily.

Now that you're gone. Alone naked I am.
^^^
Very striking line! How we feel so alone that we feel naked. Our hearts stripped and left to die and excruciatingly painful death (of the heart)

Spent memories, trying desperately.
It's all in my head, can be erased, [I know].
The way I feel, think and act Today,
Will I endure it forever? Maybe [Not].
^^^
I love this ending. As though you are having a conversation in your mind .... Excellent!

A very sad yet beautifully woven piece of heartache ....
Luanne

Gone Away (3)
by AngelDust

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-09

I can't believe it's happened,
And the shock has set in,
Everybody is making a start,
But I don't know where to begin.
^^^
How do we even begin to pick up the pieces when our fingers are to busy holding our hearts .... I love this stanza!

All I know is that you're gone,
And I just feel so alone,
And I just can't believe,
Believe you're not coming back home.
^^^
Such a sad heart touching ending. It always seems so unimaginable when we lose one we love. We seems to play over and over the question in our heads .... "why"
I can so relate to this piece ... in every footstep we seem to think they are walking back through the door .... and we just can't believe they are gone.

~Wpies tear~
Sorry for your loss hun such a heart wrenching piece.

Soul of the Night (6)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

Come, comfort me while love's gone
or I stand in haunting dark alone
Make this demented pain depart
As I seek the broken piece of my heart
^^^
Such sadness conveyed through each line!

As I seek the broken piece of my heart
^^
I love this line. I can visualize broken pieces scattered!

Yearning, its become part of me
As I struggle on with life's journey
Deep in my heart, where you once dwelled
Now a gaping void, where tears are held
^^^
Once the existence of love shatters, we tend to drown in our tears .... moving on, yet yearning for what we once had ....
Deep touching stanza!

Whispering on, voice of the breeze
Of a grief yet to be appeased
Where can I find, my heart's forgone piece
Fill the void, let the hurt cease
^^^
Oh the unanswerable question we search for ....
"Where can I find, my heart's forgone piece"

There is a cure for most everything these days .... but where oh where is the cure for heartache ....

Seeking on, soul of the night
Where might your smile shine a light
Guide me on, out of darkness
May you protect me from loneliness
^^^
Excellent ending stanza!

I love your title choice .... very eye catching!
Your emotions flow through this piece and weave a very heart touching read.
Luanne

Sun rises Tomorrow (9)
by David

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

If the sun rises tomorrow,
I'd tell you over and over again
That you're my girl and I'll try
With my whole heart,
Every breath I take, every pounding beat
I love you so much
^^^
Your ink has penned the beating of your heart with lines of love and beauty.

I hope the sun rises tomorrow
So I can see you once more
Laying beside me, asleep in my arms
^^^
One of love's greatest wishes.

With if no sun rises tomorrow?
The missed opportunity to be kissed by you
To be held closely by you,
Already my heart aches for you,
Longs to be with you, the pain becoming stronger each minute
I love you so much
^^^
I think in your first line you mean ...
"What if no sun rises tomorrow?"

I like how you ending the first and last stanza the same. The depth of your love is so very evident in this piece and the hope so very profound.
Nice read
Luanne

Unreachable Dreams (Collab With Cindy) (5)
by End Of Eternity

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

The title is so very eye catching and fits the piece so very perfectly.

Standing next to a fallen star
Wishing for you to love me
Been on my knees forever
Is that how it will always be
^^^
This stanza creates such clear imagery .... on your knees, staring into the sky as the star falls a wish cast.

My legs get weak when you're near
Don't you see stars in my eyes
You are the prince I've been waiting for
Can't keep living this life of lies
^^^
The stars in the eyes ... so very gripping. A plea spoken " please see them"

Years have passed being alone
Love simply never came my way
Tired of breathing without you
Praying you'll come with me to stay
^^^
Yearning shouts from these lines ... and the desire to touch and breath as one.

Wrap me in your arms of love
Let our hearts now beat as one
Melting into passions kiss
Warmed by golden rays of sun
^^^
This stanza is beautiful. The heart has spoken.

Sleeping next to a broken mirror
Wondering if this heart bleeds again
If only I could have confessed it all
Never would I have felt this pain
^^^
This one is so sad, and the imagery paints a picture of falling teardrops.

Scared you will turn me away
Seems my heart will beat alone
My desires are all in vain
Watching my dreams turn to stone
^^^
Now I thought the last stanza was sad ... this one holds so much emotional sadness.
And the last line is heartwrenching.

Wonderful piece Nitin & Cindy. You both write so perfectly together ... as though you were one.
Kudos to you both for a wonderfully penned collab!
Luanne

Unreachable Dreams (Collab End Of Eternity) (16)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

The title is so very eye catching and fits the piece so very perfectly.

Standing next to a fallen star
Wishing for you to love me
Been on my knees forever
Is that how it will always be
^^^
This stanza creates such clear imagery .... on your knees, staring into the sky as the star falls a wish cast.

My legs get weak when you're near
Don't you see stars in my eyes
You are the prince I've been waiting for
Can't keep living this life of lies
^^^
The stars in the eyes ... so very gripping. A plea spoken " please see them"

Years have passed being alone
Love simply never came my way
Tired of breathing without you
Praying you'll come with me to stay
^^^
Yearning shouts from these lines ... and the desire to touch and breath as one.

Wrap me in your arms of love
Let our hearts now beat as one
Melting into passions kiss
Warmed by golden rays of sun
^^^
This stanza is beautiful. The heart has spoken.

Sleeping next to a broken mirror
Wondering if this heart bleeds again
If only I could have confessed it all
Never would I have felt this pain
^^^
This one is so sad, and the imagery paints a picture of falling teardrops.

Scared you will turn me away
Seems my heart will beat alone
My desires are all in vain
Watching my dreams turn to stone
^^^
Now I thought the last stanza was sad ... this one holds so much emotional sadness.
And the last line is heart wrenching.

Wonderful piece Nitin & Cindy. You both write so perfectly together ... as though you were one.
Kudos to you both for a wonderfully penned collab!
Luanne

Bound (3)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

First I must say this piece flowed like silk from my lips .... I tend to read aloud (people around me think I'm a little spun ... lol)

Your words are painted upon a canvas that weeps. I feel pain stream through your lines and come to rest in the ending stanza. An ending stanza that grips the reader and plunges into the heart.

They'll live with love,
Inside these chains,
Wrapped up in,
This life's remains.
^^^
My favorite part! Very sad intense read.
Penned with excellence
Luanne

Wake Up Dead (1)
by Lethmelodis

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-06

Just another day,
Where I feel like falling away,
I'm devoid of my grace,
Lost in time in space.
^^^
I really like this stanza. I can feel the sense of sadness linger but .... (yikes yeah the dreaded but ... lol) I think maybe your last line would read better like this.
Lost in time, dwindling in space ... the comma gives the reader a chance to pause and I think the "dwindling" or some word of that sort will bring more of a feeling to the reader that you feel such deep anguish. (Just my thoughts hun)

And still it feels,
So unreal, the chills,
The pills, and cravings,
I just wish I could wake up dead
^^^
I really like this ending though. Deep emotion set forth in this stanza.

Great read once again
Luanne

Like the Changing Skies (3)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-05

Grieving, why must joy go away
And leave a broken soul in dismay
^^^
I like how you took the two ending lines from your second stanza and used them as the ending lines in the last stanza. It gives me an image of someone sitting staring into the sky, talking to the heavens ... then laying their face upon their hands and searching for answers ....
"Grieving, why must joy go away?"
"And leave a broken soul in dismay?"

You have penned such deep emotional sadness that slips through the lines like sand through fingers .... ever so slowly, yet we can't seem to grasp a tiny speck before it disappears.


Scars may have fallen away
But hopes for passion still stay
Longing for warmth of yesteday
Where smiling sun still shone a ray
^^^
I can feel the heart's longing in this beginning stanza ... but hope still lingers ...

3rd line ..... yesteday ... forgotten "r" hun ... a little typo

Great read as always
Luanne

Whispered Rhymes on Ink Stained Pages (25)
by SiLeNtLy ScReAmInG

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-05

The scratching noises of her pen, form a melody for only her to keep,
Lullabies that hypnotize, as she writes herself to sleep,
And as she rests her tired eyes, the rhymes continue to whisper in her head,
Soothing her battered aching soul, washing away her fears and silent dread.
^^^
This part has so many things I can relate to .... Exhausted tears beg for release and peace but the mind keeps spitting rhyme to the beat of misery.

But she has the lines and lines she writes, keeping her company lying on the floor.
^^^
I love this line .... we feel all alone, but yet the lines we string from our hearts reveal the pain we hold inside.

You have penned a very sad piece here .... you have revealed the heart "of a poet so well"

Write to release the tears, to feel so not alone, and in the end to make us feel "we will be ok"
Sometimes we think we are only trying to fool ourselves ... but sometimes the heart just needs to release the pain to feel "anything at all"

Very soul touching read, well done
Luanne

Whispered Prayer for the Dying (9)
by Illuminati RTVW

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-05

I have felt your fading heartbeats
your pain, your hurt.
I know
you have fallen twice
and emerged from Oblivion twice.
You don't see me but
I am beside you
day and night
Holding your hands
talking to you with sweet rhymes
and praying
for I Love You...
^^^
Ah Illumi the love you pour through this verse is touching .... hold on to that love and hope dear one. She can feel your arms around her and feel your hope whisper in her ear.
Your hope, prayers and love will pull her through my friend.

Such a heart touching piece you've penned here Illumi. You've dipped your tears in ink and created something magical "True Love"

My thoughts and prayers with you and yours ....
Much love sent your way hun, be strong and keep the faith
~Hugs~
Luanne

Turn Off The Lights (2)
by Paralyzed

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-04

My heart is aching
Spirit weak
I do not hear you
When you speak
^^^
Great opening stanza ... how we lose all sense of attention when our heart is in pain. Very well said.

Close the door
Turn out the light
Pull the shades
And hold me tight
^^^
Oh how I can relate ... just to have arms wrapped around me, blocking out the anguish.

A piece of me
Forever gone
I do not wish
To greet the dawn
^^^
Your ending speaks with such deep emotional sadness. To breathe another breath, starts to feel like a chore, something we just don't have the energy to do.

Very sad piece penned, filled with deep emotion!
Welcome to P&Q, a fabulous site it is.
Luanne

Everchanging (1)
by Beautiful Forever

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-04

It's as beautiful as a golden butterfly,
Fluttering its wings as it soars the sky,
A feeling that everyone wants to share,
That gives us a dazzling smile to wear,
^^^
Ahhhh the beginning phase of love. When the sparkle in our eye shines for all to see.

But in a moment all of that can change,
And you're left all alone feeling strange,
Wondering where everything went wrong,
And how only the outside of it was strong,
^^^
By your title I sensed their was a "but" ... lol
How easily that "loving feeling" is stolen with a snap of the fingers. And we are left to ponder the "what, when, how" questions.
Wonderful stanza!

Still you try your hardest to find another,
Someone to hold in your arms as a lover,
Wishing that this time it's built to last,
And that all the heartache is in the past,
^^^
Then the "moving on"phase begins or should I say "trying to move on".

Why couldn't this just be a perfect romance,
Instead of a game thats based on chance,
You feel the butterfly get swallowed by a dove,
A white perfect bird that symbolizes love,
^^^
This is my absolute favorite stanza ...
Why couldn't this just be a perfect romance,
Instead of a game thats based on chance,
^^^
thats <--- that's (I think)

You come to realize you'll never understand,
That nothing ever goes as it's planned,
^^^
Well you've certainly penned the truth here ....
Great ending !

Your rhyme scheme a difficult one to pen. To try and rhyme once in a stanza brings difficulty by times ... but to do it twice deserves applause.
~Clap, Clap~ well done!

A wonderful read, with a very eye catching title.
Luanne

Dancing Flower (12)
by Ann Marie

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-04

Transformation occurred when the music began
Suddenly her roots were found
Leaves swayed majestically as she leapt
Twirling and spinning around the meadow
^^^
Ann Marie the images you've painted here are amazing. I can visualize a quiet timid child (a lone flower ), then as the wind picks up, the flower begins to sway in the breeze unaware of the surrounding .... lost in the tranquility of motion. Ahhhhh takes my breath away!

Tears brought to the viewers eyes
Her visage and dance so enchanting
The routine comes to a quiet end
Dancing Flower resigns for the night
^^^
I love this ending. It reminded me so much of my little guys first recital. It was the "Three little pigs" and he lost his ears. His faced turned so red (he was trying so hard ... and was trying to make us so proud) but to me it was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes because(I was already so proud of him, because the smile on his face was beautiful and he gave his all ) and it created a memory that will last a lifetime.

Touching piece Ann Marie, you've put a sparkle in my heart with this wonderful read!

Can someone help me (14)
by silent screams

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-03

The nightmares I lived
Each and every one
I start to shake
And feel so numb
^^^
You have painted such a vivid picture of .... as darkness falls our thoughts turn to the past and the pains that seem to consume our mind seep in, bringing forth the nightmare we only wish we could waken from.

I don't know what to do
What to think, how to feel
Nothing in my life
Ever seems real
^^^
A very hard hitting stanza! As though lost in the turmoil, sucked down by the spiraling swirl of sadness.

I want to run away
Learn to run free
Can someone help me
Escape this insanity?
^^^
To run in search of happiness, hoping that someone will reach out their hand and guide. Screaming for help, begging for sanity.
Great ending stanza!

The title says all .... "Can someone help me"
the thing we crave ... someone to just reach out and pull us through. Make us feel we do "exist"

Well done
Luanne

Endless Road (4)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-02

Painted loneliness, the infinite sky
Following me in years gone by
^^^
These beginning lines are amazing. Amazing visuals penned!

Book of sorrow, still stuck on one page
^^^
Now this line I love .... trying to move forward but the page never turns and the same feeling over and over becomes that one page.

Looking on, another stone ahead
Blistered soul too weary to tread
Turning back, darkness stalks me on
How do I cope, now that your gone
^^^
This ending just tears at the heart strings. It's like fighting throw a patch of "thorns" ... each one stinging more and more each minute, each step ... until we find ourselves in pain back at the very place we started because it just hurts to dang much to go on.

Heart touching read, emotional pain flows through your words and touches the reader in a way that makes the heart hurt.
The title captivated my attention and the content of this piece matched it so perfectly.
Your wording is touching and I can feel sadness weep from within your words.

Luanne

My special Jungle (7)
by Mr Darcy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-02

I swam with the penguins then wadded ashore,
Where a gray parrot squawked 'barbecue at four'
^^^
OMG I love these lines .... they sure did make me laugh.

Very creative write you've penned here. The eight words in each line must of been quite a challenge but you made it look so easy. And the rhyme scheme was fantastic!

Such a delightful poem to read today, it sure did make my day much brighter. You've spun a tale that takes one back to younger days when magical dreams filled our hearts with joy.

This write is both magical and soothing to the mind. And just whisks my heart away with joy.

I wish I could nominate it for the front pages but it seems my nomination button is gone or no longer can we nominate funny poems. I will be sure to check back again to see if my button re-appears.
A definite front page winner as far as I'm concerned!
Excellent write and a fabulous read!
Luanne

Evil's old friend (6)
by Mr Darcy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-01

Fear lifts me up
Stealing my cries
Trapped by its stare
too late for goodbyes.
^^^
I love this stanza ... it sends an electrifying spark up the center of my spine. Dark & eerie!

A charcoaled stench
dampens my skin.
Crawling its fingers
scrawny and thin.
^^^
The imagery you portray in this one brings on the goose bumps ..... Amazing imagery!

A very amazing read .... you had my attention from start to finish and anticipation rose higher with each passing stanza.

You have penned a very dark, mysterious write here. Awesome job!

Welcome to P&Q ... I see from your profile you are quite new. I hope you enjoy the site.
Luanne

My lady, she calls me (27)
by Ingrid de K

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-31

It does not matter
how I find her,
tranquil or
roaring with passion.
I love all her faces.
^^^
Oh Ingrid you have painted such a vivid picture with these words. Though I didn't know till near the end what exactly inspired these words ... upon the re-read the picture became so clear and the visuals it gave me were amazing.

She embraces me
with all she's got
Lifts me up
and leaves me
floating
in complete ecstasy.
^^^
This part leaves the reader with such a feeling of tranquility. Its as though all our trouble float away .... as we feel weighless above the water.
Beautiful feeling this stanza leaves me with.

How I love her....
my lady,
the sea.
^^
The ending wraps up this piece fantastically.

You caught my attention from the beginning and held it to the very last words.

Wonderful read Ingrid! You have left me today with such a beautiful image and a peace filled heart.

XXX
Luanne

Lonely and Perfect (33)
by Darien

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-31

Lonely are wolves without a pack
That only rely on strength and pride.
Lonely are children without homes,
They sit in darkness and hide.
^^^
Wow great opening stanza Darien. So true, lonely are the children without homes. Sad truth!

I've burned down way too many bridges,
Erased paths that I should have followed.
All I wanted was to be her one and only,
The one she would love with all her heart.
^^^
Touching stanza. Lonely is the heart that is lost!

You have penned quite a piece filled with emotional sadness and I can feel the longing for happiness drizzling from your words.
Well done sweets!
Luanne

In The Name Of Love. (3)
by Natalie

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-31

This poem helped because I managed to channel all my negativity into it
^^^
Aww hun sorry to hear something so dreadful has happened to you not only once but twice. Writing is a great way of releasing those bottled up emotions.

Such a dark, deep write you've penned here. It started out as something beautiful .... then sadness began to weep through the lines. It left me speechless and at the same time ran a line of chills up my back.

She slaughtered who she was,
In persuit of a love,
A love that never existed.
^^^
Such a touching ending, I am really undecided if I would rather see this in the dark section or the sad. It sure does spark the sad emotion also.

I think perhaps you may of meant "pursuit" in the 2nd line though ... just a little typo perhaps.

Perfectly fitting title, I really liked that!

Great read, it sure had my attention from the get-go
Luanne

Over the Storm (4)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

Wow I loved the wording you used in so many parts through-out this write.

Facing the skies with a lonely heart
Seeking thy smile amidst stormy art
^^^
Amidst story art ... incredible

Over the storm hides the caressing shine
The forsaken hope of hearts once aligned
^^^
Hearts once aligned ... now separated and lonely.

Holding strong thy promises of tomorrow
Though dejected self is drenched in sorrow
Maybe someday will stormy veil part
And loosen a smile to soothe broken hearts
^^^^
This ending stanza takes my breath away. You paint a picture of sadness yet you have added a color of hope.

Very unique title, it makes the piece jump out and scream "read me, listen to the beat of my lonely breaking heart"

Wonderfully penned, amazing read!
Luanne

Society's Perfection (26)
by Bloody Razor Tells It All

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

Society is telling her that
beautiful is thin
And if she choose to starve herself
beauty is what she'll win
^^^
You've hit the nail on the head perfectly with this stanza. So sad how thin is painted upon the world these days. Super slim models, in super slim clothes. When will they begin to see woman as they truly are "beautiful from the inside out"

She believes that she is fat, which is so untrue
That she'll never be good enough
No matter what she will do
^^^
It saddens me to see that inside the head of many young girls and women they do see this. They see fat = not beautiful ... and even see themselves as fat (when they are not at all) because fashion books and television have told them for so many years that beautiful is a size2.

Bulimia takes another victim of society
^^^
Every day ... every hour ... every few minutes ... so sad yet so true.

I love the title of this piece and the message it holds between the lines.

Such truth painted with vivid colors ...
Well done
Luanne

With parted lips upon my brow (3)
by Musicality

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

With parted lips upon my brow
Heartfelt murmurs he doth endow
^^^
Wonderful opening lines!

As fingertips vibrate upon an empty pulse
A pulpit of serenity engulfing my morality
^^^
Wow Megan such creative lines ... "pulpit of serenity " ... awesome

Parting such sweet sorrow
In lovers embrace
I call out
Sanctuary!
^^^
Wow the imagery in this last part. I can visualize this ending as if it were played out before my eyes!
Sanctuary! <----- love that last line added touch!

Very creative title leading up to a wonderfully woven piece. I see you have a certain rhyme scheme going ... not sure if it was meant to turn out like that or not ... but I liked it!

With parted lips upon my brow
Heartfelt murmurs he doth endow
Ephemeral caressing, here and now

then farther down ....

With his lips upon my brow
With the hurt of here and now
With the secret death endows

Luanne

A New Wall (2)
by Lex

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

Twice as thick now,
and also twice as tall.
It protects our relationship,
and keeps us together.
^^^
Building that wall in a relationship means a lot. Any wall built strong enough ... will withhold the sands of time.

With bricks of friendship,
and a cement of trust.
Sealed with the passion,
of a love meant for forever.
^^^
I love the emotion in this stanza ... bricks of friendship definitely the foundation .... cement of trust ... definitely what holds it together.

I found the wording threw me just a wee bit ... perhaps I can suggest

With bricks of friendship,
solid cement of trust.
Sealed with true passion,
our love to last forever
^^
Just a suggestion though.

Now no outside pain,
can ever get through.
As long as this wall stands,
strongly surrounding me and you.
^^^
Love this ending ... so much emotions flows through these lines. AN UNBREAKABLE BOND created .... exactly what holds love together.

Wonderful read!
Luanne

Lost Soul (17)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

Wow Cindy a very thought provoking write you woven here. At first I thought it was about you with this stanza ....

Sun's light extinguished
Laughter heard no more
Black clouds everywhere
Screams cut to the core
^^
Being alone for the next days without little Johnny and such, because of the "laughter heard no more part"
But then after continuing to read I realized no this is not about you ... because it is much to dark.

Thoughts always wandering
Searching, where to go
Needing a way out
Death it comes to slow
^^^
Wow what an amazing stanza .... one many can relate to in instances I'm sure.

Bright light now dimming
Life has taken it's toll
Spitting evil all around
Devil wins another soul
^^^
This one gave me an eerie feeling and all around goosebumps ... "Devil wins another soul"

This is quite a different write from you my friend .... totally shows no matter the type ... love, sad, funny ... ect ... you master it with your wonderful expressive words and style.

Great write Cindy, you've spun a web of dark poetry here my friend!

Chat tomorrow, Muahhhhhh
Luanne

Dear Mom, In Heaven (25)
by LARISSA is my name but call me jade

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-25

I was directed to this write by one of the members in RTVW because it was such a touching write to her.

I am so sorry for your loss hun. This is an extremely touching letter and I can feel your pain and longing fall through the words as you release your tears through the years.

Every part reached out and touched me and broke my heart to see a child go through her life without her mom by her side (because someone selfishly took your mom's life away)

I wish I could offer you more than just a comment on your write .... wishing I could give you a big hug ... anything that would help your heart to heal. But I know no amount of (anything) will make that deep pain in your heart go away. ~wipes tear~

I miss you, I love you, I need you.
I wrote you this letter,
Its the best that I can do.
To bad heaven doesn't have a phone number,
Because I really need to talk to you.
^^^
The emotion you have released in this last part are heart breaking to read. Makes one truly appreciate the things they do have ... the people they still have in their lives.

Let me know you're with me, every step of the way,
Until I can come see you, soon again one day.
^^^
Your mom is always with you hun. She is in your smile, in your thoughts, in the way you speak and in your laughs. There will always be a part of her in you and I know she is looking down on you right at this very moment smiling .... because she brought a child into the world ... who will make a difference.


I am nominating this write not for literary reasons but because it has reached out and touched my heart in such a way that brought tears to my eyes .... and I think it takes a powerful write to do just that.

~Big Hugs~
Luanne

Sitting Scared (25)
by Alvaro

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-25

Alvaro .... wow your word usage is very impressive hun.

Pictures of the past memories
Dress her face will false impressions
She needs to break free from harms way
Before she has no expressions
^^^
I really like this stanza ... 2nd line did you mean "with" instead of "will" or perhaps you wanted a comma
Dress her face, will false impressions
Just a thought.

I really like the ending 2 lines

She needs to break free from harms way
Before she has no expressions
^^^
To break away before her identity is forever buried ... as low self esteem from battering takes over is what it screams to me ...
Awesome lines!

You, a monster of feeding pain,
You abuse such a deprived girl.
From confusion to illusions
Forever lost in our given world.
^^^
So terribly sad, to be the victim, yet made feel she is the abuser.

For guys who abuse there women i really do pity you and you are really just a disgrace, an embarrasment
^^^
Dear heart I am so proud of you for being a man and speaking up for the abused women who are to afraid to utter these words.

Well done Alvaro .... though you are young in age your maturity and wisdom shine in this piece
~Hugs~
Luanne

Hopeless. (6)
by Natalie

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-24

First off I would like to thank you for your honest critiques on my 3 poems, very much appreciated hun.
Also welcome to P&Q, it is very nice to see another magnificent write grace this site ... so welcome once again.



Scattered pieces of a broken soul,
How to recollect, need some reconstruction.
I feel my life, so out of control.
Does anyone have any advice, some form of instruction?
^^^
I think we all fall subject to these emotions at some time. If only life had a manual a form of guidance to help us along the way. A stanza so many will relate to.

How did he make me feel so utterly worthless?
So demeaned in my very own eyes.
I didn't think I'd be so damn speechless,
The moment we said our last goodbyes.
^^^
Isn't it funny how others can break our spirits ... make us feel worthless and alone. When all we really ever ask for in life is to be loved. Why is that so impossible at times we ask ourselves.

I walk alone today,
Wishing I did not have this emptiness,
Just praying that soon will come a better day.
So many feelings I never got to express.
^^^
This last stanza is so heart touching. That feeling of emptiness creates such a deep hole in our hearts, breaks us to pieces leaving us feeling as in your title (hopeless)

A very emotion filled write you have penned here. You've dipped your pen in tears and created a piece so many can relate to.

Just praying that soon will come a better day
^^^
It will dear heart .... it will

Touching write!
Luanne

Rape (4)
by Natalie

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-24

I can feel your emotional pain seep with anguish through these lines.
Though never a victim of rape I can feel from your penned pain, the torture it plays not only upon the innocent body but the also the mind.

Stripping one of their feeling of self worth, and losing all hope in humanity.

How anyone who calls themselves human can do this? To built themselves up (in power) to suck the life and dignity from another is punishable I think .... by living all of eternity in the pits of burning flames.

I sure do hope that this is not a personal experience you have endured here hun. But if so please know that such a monster will never reside within the gates of heaven nor find peace or forgiveness for such action.

Many and most sins can be forgiven but rape to me is one that will forever be crest upon the soul of such a monster.
Do not lose faith in people hun .... there are some (though it seems fewer and fewer these days) who are still compassionate good people.

A very heart touching read ....
Luanne

Life (2)
by Aaron Deevers

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-23

As you approach adult hood
Life seems so unbearable
Yet when you see a child
Playing in the park
Life seems so amazing
^^^
I love this part ... especially where you've added the "yet" ...
Life does seem to get harder as we get older. The carefree feelings of youth are gone ... replaced with working .... bills and more bills ...
But seeing that child smiling and playing in the park ... so carefree makes us realize yes .... life is pretty darn amazing. Precious!

From the ups to the downs
From struggles to achievements
Everything makes you better
Life is full of amazing events
Life it self is an adventure
^^^
Life is certainly an adventure. You start out as a baby, and life is pretty simple. As a youth it has it's up and downs preparing us for the big world outside of our circle of friends and family. Then comes adulthood where we struggle at times but our achievements are like (a treasure search adventure) when we struggle to find what we are looking for in life and finally accomplish it ... it's just like finding that gold on our treasure hunt.

I really liked this piece ... sorry I got carried away with my babbling but I feel you have a really good message within these lines. And the title matched the poem perfectly.
Great read Aaron!
Luanne

Shh, little one, it's okay. [Prose] (27)
by Cayce

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-23

They're almost like my own personal lullaby coaxing me to sleep
^^^
This line near the beginning really stuck out for me.

Over and over, these flashbacks arrive, trying to drive me insane, but can you really drive a sociopath insane?
^^^
I really found this one interesting. Really made me think. Knowing the feelings of flashback and feeling the same thoughts at times .... sad but true.


Sometimes, I wish I could just shut my brain down, maybe, put a "back in five minutes" sign on it.
^^^
I found this one to be very unique. I can visualize a sign being put on someone's head ... that's how picturesque this one was! Awesome

Laying here on this bathroom floor, I've opened my eyes. I'll drown myself in these mellifluous lies one day. Just ignore me when I scream for the truth, because really, I just want a lie.
^^^
This ending really tied up the piece very neat and tidy. Strong ... yet not to strong as to make the rest of the piece weak or forgettable.

I really enjoyed this form and took it for a re-read. The second time round I found it held more depth than upon the first read .... though I tend to find that every write holds more the second time round or (read) simply because in the first read ... I am so anxious to see what is happening or going to happen that I don't give the words time to completely be absorbed into my mind ..... (That is why I tend to read twice ... to get the full effect)



Well done
Luanne

Twenty Five On Death Row [Short Story] (6)
by Melpomene

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-23

Wow a very mind blowing write you have weaved here. And the ending ... one I wasn't quite prepared for but I knew something was about to unravel when he said " he did it for love"

You captivated my interest from beginning to end and I found the entire content to be very strong and the ending hit me like a tonne of bricks .... very deep impact on the reader's mind.

The visuals you created were strong and engrave deep images after the read. I can near visualize the quick pulsing beat in his neck, sweat dripping down his forehead, palms clammy ..... this piece creates many visuals.

So was this an act of a cold blooded killer, or an act of love?

You've added a tough question at the end. "Cold blooded killer" I don't think so. Many would see it as murder. That only God has the right to take a life. And many would see it as the ultimate sacrifice of love ... to give up your own life, to end the pain of one you love ... more than life itself.
Which way would I say .... Hmmmm not really sure until the day I would be placed in that circumstance. As with many things we would say .... I would never do that .... but when faced with the same circumstances, would we ?

I really liked how you added that ending ... really makes you think.

Great read
Thought provoking, great imagery and amazing storyline.

Luanne

Another Chapter (3)
by sluvious

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-20

I can't seem to choose a favorite part ... but I have narrowed it down to 3

rivlet of tears
cascade upon infant cheeks
a battered body
when the bottle speaks
^^^
First did you means rivulet ? How sad it is when the (anger and hate for oneself) gets dished upon the innocent. Something they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. So sad


spent wasted years
chasing the past
never able to change
what has been cast
^^^
To me this .... (as I have interpreted it) ....
Flashbacks as I call them. Replaying the horror over and over again. A waste of years yes ... but yet impossible to yield the memories.
No edit .... just rewind and play, on these thoughts.

It's almost the end
defeated by age
another chapter
turns the page....
^^^
This part touched me the most. Time passes still "happiness or freedom" is never found. Age creeps up and the chapters build ... can't turn back and edit ... just keep going forward .....
living in yesterday (in our heads)

Your poems always have so many ways they can be interpreted. And I think it depends on the reader as to how the poem WILL BE interpreted.

Very touching read!
~hugs~
Luanne

Yearning (2)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-20

There are so many lines in this piece that I just love. But these four stood out above the rest. Absolutely breath taking lines. And upon reading them together I found them to make an amazing stanza also .... perhaps a beginning or ending to your next poem perhaps ... Hmmmm

'Neath broken smiles own yearning hides

Like stormy gusts bringing icy rains

When will dawn's light kiss darkened days

And quell the storms true lovers ride

Wonderful read .... writers sadness felt through-out.
"Pen in hand, as tears compose the words"

Luanne

Rockstar (24)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-20

Your pen has flowed with neon words and captivated my attention.

The content of this piece holds truth and the title could not fit more perfectly.


Liquid screams
And cocaine dreams
Dripping down the road
^^^
I am in awe of this beginning stanza .... such a vivid picture your words paint!
I love the style, content and flow ... well done

Congrats on hitting the front pages with this write .... very well deserved piece!

Because (21)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-17

Because..........
You believed in me
I learned to shine
Having faith once more
Making life mine
^^^
Love pulls us through times the hardest of times and just knowing someone believes in you begins the battle of taking our life back ....

Because..........
You saw beauty in me
I learned to stand tall
Proud of who I am
Never again to fall
^^^
When we've lost our feelings of self-worth and feel the world has sunk us to the lowest possible .... a special someone comes into our lives and only then do we realize "hey I am a wonderful person"

Because...........
You gave me love
I learned to feel
Coming out of the dark
Seeing what was real
^^^
Ahhhh love the deepest word one can say or feel. Love brightens even the darkest of days. And knowing someone cares so much about you .... brings comfort to our aching hearts


Because............
You gave of yourself
I learned to care
To give of myself
Love always to share
^^^
I love this ending stanza .... sometimes we are so afraid to let someone into our hearts .. simply because we are afraid to lose them. The we realize ... I am willing to give all of me ...even if that day shall ever come.


Beautiful poetic gem you've penned for you dearest friend hun.
It shows the beauty within your heart ... and it shines through-out this piece
~Big hugs~
Luanne

Yesterday (15)
by End Of Eternity

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-17

This story will fade in coming days
Mornings will get bright once again
Time doesn't stand still for anyone
And nights would bring back my pain
^^^
Just when we think we have moved past the pain, and days begin to get brighter ... night creeps in, bringing back the shadows of yesterdays that still haunt our souls.

Pain of the heart & mind -emotionally- I think is the biggest pain one can suffer threw. It can't be healed with a bandage nor cured with medications ... it lays in our heart and mind and rips us apart....

Sad yet wonderfully expressed poem of pain and sadness.
Well done Nitin

~Hugs~
Luanne

The Moment (9)
by Aaron Deevers

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-16

I stand here before you
Staring into your eyes
Amazing how they are
I watch as a twinkle appears
Knowing that it's a tear
^^^
Such a beautiful thing when .... a tear does not have to mean sadness ... but a beautiful thing.

This is a moment I have waited for
Standing here before our friends our family
Waiting for the preacher to say those final words
Waiting for us to become one
^^^
One of the most beautiful times in a person's life ... to have their friends and family share these moments ... takes one's breath away!

At last those magical words
As I kiss my new bride
My love
My friend
We are now husband and wife
^^^
Beautiful ending .... to not only see her as a wife but most importantly as a friend ....

Wonderful!
Luanne

Doesn't Matter (34)
by Rachel RTVW

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-16

I can only imagine how often you see these scenarios played out in your line of work.
Yes indeed life is unfair by times .... but it is the kind-hearted people (as yourself) that make it even more beautiful.

"Tomorrow is never promised
Take each day to love and share
^^^
Very inspirational couplet this is .... if people would get their heads out of their butts and see that a kind word, hug or smile can make the difference in another's life.

"Past is history ... tomorrow is a mystery ... today is a gift ... that's why it's called the present"

Can't remember the name of the song but ... the words stuck with me .... lol

~Hugs~
Luanne

It's my own fault (11)
by waiting 4 some1

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-16

It's my own fault
Experiencing death alive
^^^
I love this part .... all to well do we know the times where experiencing pain makes us feel like the life as just been suck from our very being. Tearing at our souls to the point where our bodies feel lifeless.....

You have expressed emotional sadness through-out the entire piece.
I love how you wrote the poem as though in stages of your life .... with heartache and pain drizzling through your pen.

Touching read, that so many can relate to
Well done
Luanne

In My Life (7)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-16

Rocky ground lays bare the scars
Caressed by flooding rain
Still sweet perfume of rosebuds
Floats in the breeze again
^^^
To pick oneself up after the storms of pain wreck havoc .... knowing I will learn and grow ... I will be alright!

In my life a garden grows
Gnarled hands sowing seeds
Another Spring of promises
Flowers through the weeds
^^^
Time has seen many thorns ... life's happiness sometimes washed away ... but to come back with new growth and hope (as Spring does) .... A new beautiful love comes into our lives ... just like fresh new air whisks into our souls at Springtime.....

The depth within this poem is breath-taking Debbie ....
Your words never cease to amaze me dear poetess!
~Hugs~
Luanne

Even If You Don't, Pretend To Love Me For A Second (9)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-15

For even though you've finally moved on in your life
I'm still clinging desperately to our cherished memories
Hoping against hope that you will find it in your heart
To let down the barriers and finally start to forgive me
^^^
This stanza expresses so clearly the feelings of someone who has realized their mistakes and wants to so desperately be forgiven. Wonderful stanza, excellent imagery!

Don't know what else I can possibly say to rectify this
One thing wanted more than anything in this whole world
To finally be back inside your secure and loving embrace
Baby...For all old times sake, pretend to love me for a second
^^^
This last stanza touches the heart .... realizing how much one has screwed up .... and just wanting to live one more second in the arms of the one they love.

I really enjoyed this read .... it hits so close to my heart. And to see the emotions of person from the other side of the fence (the one who did the hurting) makes me feel that most mistakes can be forgiven.

My favorite lines ....
Painfully trying to swallow my own self loathing

Oh if only I could turn back time, erase all my mistakes

Isn't it funny how I'm now one big ball of tired cliche

Enjoyable read!
Luanne

Inevitable (2)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-13

Pages inked with sorrow
Stained with tears of joy
Stories passing down through time
The mind did not destroy
^^^
The bad times mixed with the good ... a wonderful opening stanza!

Youth so filled with fancy
Adulthood came too soon
Dreams are cast among the stars
Where bitter ends lay strewn
^^^
How quickly time flies by ...
Dreams are cast among the stars
^^^
I love this line!

Aging wisdom fills the eyes
With things we've never known
Blindness cured by sands of time
Winds of change have blown
^^^
Wow what an incredibly deep message!
Blindness cured by sands of time
^^^
With maturity comes wisdom ...


Nothings promised in this world
Save death, the one sure bet
One has to learn and live through pain
Or burn inside regret
^^^
Incredible words ... so much strength within them.
To take the pains and mistakes in life ... live through them ... learn from them!

Tears will pour in joy and sorrow
Smiles will come and go
Everyday that passes by
More blessed than we know
^^^
Wonderful ending stanza ...

without pain there is no ... love
without tears there are no ... smiles
without death there is no ... life

I loved this read, really enjoyed the depth and deep message!
Thanks for sharing
Luanne

Through the Links in the Fence (22)
by Darien

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-13

As a kid I always had these dreams where I could fly
I remember I use to waste my time looking at the sky
Back then I thought I was free to go wherever I wanted
I never realize there was an iron fence holding me back
^^^
Fantastic opening stanza .... a trip down memory lane for me to times when you felt so free .... and the world was a huge playground .... our playground!


Every now and then I'd think back to what I had
Searching for those times when things weren't so bad
Yet there are times where things almost made sense
As I stare at the sky through the links in the fence
^^^
Wow amazing ending ... I interpreted this in two ways
#1 As growing older and feeling life has passed by so quickly and as life got so busy we become trapped in a routine ... the hustle and bustle of life like a rope around our neck.
making us feel confined

#2 I interpreted it upon a second read as perhaps ... someone in jail, looking back through time realizing that life wasn't so bad back then, missing the things they once had ... now only able to look at the world through links in the fence.

I love poems that make one's brain work hard ... as this one did!
I loved the creativity in this piece and I not only got the pleasure to see imagery once but ....twice.
Wonderful read Darien, thanks for sharing!
Lu (lol) ... glad you remembered me

From Me To You (18)
by Rachel RTVW

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-12

A lifetime of devotion
A sparkle in the eye
A tender word to comfort
Whenever you should cry
^^^
Beautiful stanza! Spells love to me, for sure

A gift that's so unique
No one could out do
My heart, my love, a promise......
Forever, from me to you
^^^
I love this ending stanza ... you've dipped your pen in ink and created beautiful, colorful imagery with words of love.

A very enjoyable read Rachel!

Your pathway to heaven.. (5)
by paulsingh2005

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-12

Love unconditionally, is what he give to you.
So guard your heart and tongue, in all you say
and do.
Reach out to him, as your heart you surrender,
for on judgment day he will be your defender.
^^^
Love this stanza .... definitely some powerful words penned here.

Do not boast of the material things of this world.
But only of God and his son Jesus Christ our lord.
Live for Jesus a life that's pure and true,
and always thank him for dying on that old rugged
cross for you.
^^^
A strong wonderful message ... so many times we get so busy with our everyday lives to remember how precious life is.
I admire your strong faith ... it is so very refreshing to see poems of this beauty grace this site.

Very enjoyable read ....
God bless
Luanne

Dragon of the Mist (4)
by Musicality

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-12

With scales the hue of dusk
Entrancing is this venerated master
With taints of an inferno's musk
Eyes gleaming of purest silver
^^^
Wow deary you have displayed imagery that captivates me and holds me in awe with this stanza. Remarkable word usage.

Where does this eloquent monster head?
Its claws sleek with an incarnadine nature
Where the Dragon of the mist has fled
Follows all wisdom, the lust for battle
^^^
This last final stanza is incredible ... though I really think I would omit the "Its" .. I found it threw it off a little (though only my opinion of course)

I must say I am in total awe of this piece though .... the imagery was spectacular, the word usage strong, the creativity mind-blowing.
The title a prelude to wonderful poem of darkness and mysteriousness.

A very enjoyable read, thank you for sharing!

Take Me Away (Trijan Refrain) (13)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-12

My love please come take me away
Where pain no longer lives
Where colors are bright no longer gray
Our love we can relive
Waiting for you to come for me
Together the sun we can see
Waiting for you
Waiting for you
Praying for you my final plea
^^^^
Cindy I can feel the ache in your heart through these words of longing you have woven my friend. ~wipes tear~ very heart touching!

My love please come take me away
Hold me in your embrace
Need to feel the suns warming rays
To touch your handsome face
Please take my hand, holding it tight
Lead me from darkness to the light
Please take my hand
Please take my hand
Fly away with me to new heights
^^^
Oh Cindy hun, the day will come where your sweet true love will take your hand, guiding you to the light of heaven's doors and hold you tightly for all of eternity.

I loved your title choice .... and you have penned a spectacular masterpiece with this form . It looks like such a difficult form but you made it look so easy.

Hugs for you .... and ~claps~ for this wonderfully penned write!
Love ya
Luanne

Waking Alone Tomorrow Has Got To Be Better Than This (22)
by Britt

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-11

Hellooooooooo Britt, Gawd it has been so long girl. Love your new pic BTW ... ok on with this amazing read.

You were the only one to prove to me how deafening the silence can be
And all I wanted from you was a scream that you knew how to be alive
Because the way you've let yourself fall when all I did was love you
Is more painful than the needles you've begun to shove into your soul.
^^^
I love this part. It's as though you pressed your pen to paper and tears wrote the words.
Your words created an image that reaches in a imprints itself into my mind ....

I can feel your pain through your words ... as though I had wrote the piece myself. (Such a deep impact it had) .... and I can so relate to this write.

Because the way you've let yourself fall when all I did was love you
Is more painful than the needles you've begun to shove into your soul.
^^^
These last 2 lines end the poem fantastically ....
Sad yet wonderfully penned ... emotions felt through-out the piece have amazing impact on the reader ... well done girly!

What They See (13)
by Ann Marie

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-11

Quiet and calm as a windless day
Heartaches are never released
Steadfast, strong, unmovable
Ah, but underneath...
^^^
The last line, with 3 short words ... took my breath away. Oh to often we see the smile upon a face, but do we see what turmoil brews within the heart.
The ones who dedicate all they are ... to bring a smile to another.... never asking for anything in return.

Strong deep message within your lines dear poetess ....

"Though a tear may not stain a face ... beneath the heart cries, silently"
wow I think I may of just penned a new quote ... lol

Wonderful read, thank you for sharing your words

My Garden of Thoughts on Love #8 (4)
by Illuminati RTVW

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-11

They are vessels
carrying pieces of my soul
^^^
I love the sound of this couplet ... I can read it over and over, yet each time feels like the first. Wonderful!

for I am a soul-dance,
a spirit of love
made of flesh, blood
and fire
budding,
slowly turning into
wreathes of immortal passion
in your heart's garden
^^^
Now this here is just amazing .... "for I am a soul-dance," ... brilliant!
You create an image that makes my mind drift and get lost in these words. Breath-taking!

Why do I love this piece? It holds such uniqueness and your emotions drizzle through the entire piece and leave one in awe.

Wonderfully penned my friend!
~Hugs~ Luanne

Our Love Will Have No End (28)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-09

Cindy

~wipes tears~ First I must say I wish I were there to hug you hun.

Standing outside the church
Remembering us saying I do
We were young and full of dreams
Promised forever me and you
^^^
Cindy it is the beauty of these memories that keep us trudging on through the hard times ... Remembering the day you looked into each other's eyes and said "I do" is a memory that can not be forgotten or erased .... it is a memory that you will always cherish.

Long to see your face once more
Lavish within your arms
Hold tightly to your love
Safe and secure from all harm
^^^
This stanza is just so touching to me my friend ... the day will come hun, when God chooses to reunite you and John together for all eternity ... and you will once again be in the arms of your sweet husband.

Being trapped here without you
Mourn your passing everyday
Life has become so painful
Need you to light my way
^^^^
Cindy I feel your pain in this stanza hun. Something led you to us that day when you joined RTVW ... and you have filled my life (as well as many others) with such joy and inspiration my friend.
I know how much you miss John ... I feel it in not only your writing but your voice as well ...

Waiting for you to extend your hand
A New journey will begin
Nothing can seperate us then
Our love it will have no end.

^^^^
This ending though is amazing .... knowing that there is nothing ... not even death ... that can hold you and your true love apart is touching.

You will be together again my friend. And I know John is looking down on you right now smiling because ... "he had the most beautiful amazing woman" to share his life with. Though his life was taken so young ... I am sure he spent it as the happiest man.

My thoughts are with you hun, close your eyes and feel this hug I am sending your way. XXXX

Love ya my friend
Luanne

Lifeline (35)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-02

I simply can not choose a favorite stanza because well .... they are all brilliant

It's as though you dipped a magical pen in ink and painted a picture because the imagery is amazing!

Lifeline breaks on wrinkled hand
^^^
I love how this line ends the beginning and last stanza ....
Such a unique write Debbie, the title fits so perfectly.

My Turn (Shadow Sonnet) (11)
by debbylyn

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-29

Gosh darn lady the more I read your work the more I love it.
As my first introduction to a Shadow Sonnet I must say it will certainly leave a lasting impression in my mind ...
Well onward to the poem ....

Well the title certainly fits the poem to a tea ..


Last shot at love, have I found love at last?
Pain for so long, can't get over the pain
Past regrets linger, still color the past
Again the tears fall, ink smudging again
^^^
This part is definitely a heart jolter .... such heartfelt words ...

Again the tears fall, ink smudging again
^^^
Awesome line!

Chance of this meeting, slim to no chance
Dance with love's feelings, my turn to dance
^^^
I can't think of a better closing for this piece ...

And I love how you changed your thought within ...
Wonderfully penned Debbie!

Numb [I Have Become] (18)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-22

Numb [I Have Become]

Tinted Earth: Blocked in masquerade
Brick stacked on Brick on Brick...fall
Cemented in Forever's Eyes
Too numbed in Ice; Yesterday's tongue
Of Language spoken
Of Anger signed
To petals broken then left behind
Crushed in wind, which refused to calm
And the numbness I've become

^^^^
Kaylee your poems are always so deep and leave so much to the reader's imagination .... as I know you love to make my little mind work .... lol


The imagery I feel from this one is quiet astounding. And hereis my interpretation and what I got and felt from this piece.


Brick stacked on Brick on Brick...fall
^^^^
I'm picturing a couple who built their lives together..... only
to have before their very eyes their relationship fail.

Cemented in Forever's Eyes
^^^^
Tears (cemented) in their hearts forever

Too numbed in Ice; Yesterday's tongue
Of Language spoken
^^^^
Cold words spited in anger ....

To petals broken then left behind
Crushed in wind, which refused to calm
^^^^
Two partners separated ... fallen and broken.
In a wind of (divorce maybe ?) .... separation destruction ...


And the numbness I've become
^^^
Beginning alone .... unable to face the world yet (alone)

Well this is only my interpretation of this write sweets and I am
very anxious to see if I am even close.

You words hold tightly in my mind .....
Wonderful read Kaylee as always

Suffering In Silence (18)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-19

Suffering In Silence
^^^
Cindy this title just breaks my heart. Though I don't know the exact feelings you have ... I know of some similar and the feeling that crushes our heart sometimes feels unbearable my friend.

Dreams now have turned to dust
Eyes have cried endless tears
Hopes have died a million deaths
All because your no longer near
^^^
This beginning stanza is heartbreaking. When both our dreams and hopes have been ripped from our very lives we wonder ... why ... and when we don't get an answer .... the tears never cease falling.


Why has life been so cruel
Ripping two souls apart
Leaving one to grieve alone
With a torn and broken heart
^^^^
It is these times that we feel our hearts can
go on no longer. We feel alone and broken. This stanza portrays an image that breaks my heart hun.

Each day painful without you
Just breathing to hold on
Suffering in silence
Nothing left since your gone
^^^^
The second line caught my breath and simply stole it away.
It is in these times that even breathing is difficult because we feel each and every breath like a dagger in our hearts.


Nights drag on forever
No shelter from the cold
Needing warmth from your arms
As I sit here growing old
^^^
I feel the impact of your pain in this last stanza dear heart.
You have taken the feelings from your beating heart and created a verse that not only tears at the reader's heart but makes one really think about the one's they love .... and it reminds one to tell their loved ones how much they really love them while they still can.
I know how difficult this must of been for you to write my dear friend but you have managed in your own unique way to send a little message to others within the lines of this piece.
Love ya my friend
Luanne

Promises Of Tomorrow (16)
by Cindy

commented by Luanne ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-19

Cindy this is such a heart warming dedication to Nitin.

How could I ever forget
^^^
The beauty of this beginning line of each stanza is ..... that no matter where we are in this world it's the reaching hand and heart of a friend that touches us across 100's and maybe even 1000's of miles makes us feel special, loved and so "not alone at times" and for this we will never forget their friendship and cherish it forever.

The flow of this piece is magical ... it reads like a beautiful song and leaves a lasting impression in the mind of the reader.
Beautiful words poured from the heart and displayed in a touching loving verse.

Beautiful Cindy .... beautiful

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