Praised comments by Britt

Universal Hues (Haiku) (11)
by Rachel RTVW

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2009-09-17

I always, always love Haikus. They're so beautiful and wonderful and pack such a powerful little punch in three small lines, and this is a perfect one. It flowed impeccably, and it gives me a really beautiful picture of stars twinkling in a sunset..though you can't see stars in a sunset..ahah. Either way, I paint an awesome picture thanks to your beautiful words :]

Wind Upon the Waters (4)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-12-21

This is breathtaking and remarkable. I've read poetry like this before and was bored to tears, but this caught my eye and was so cyrptically enchanting.

The vocabulary used was incredible, it was simple yet complex, and the story told throughout the piece was beautiful as well. It was slightly classy and traditional, for me it held that kind of feel.

This seems like something I would have read in a poetry book. The rhyme and count flow so effortlessly. Usually when people use old English, they are never able to get it to flow or fit well, but you had no problems there.

I'm not sure why, but I'd have to say this stanza
"Moon, thy orb of memories
Sparkling dark sheen of agony
Rippling countenance ever calm
All but a facade, beneath mine palm "

is my favorite. I loved reading it out loud as well as to myself.

Overall this is just an amazing piece, I'm very glad I stumbled upon this.

Me: Closed For Renovation (1)
by Daniel Mulvany

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-05-09

After talking to you..
This poem makes so much more sense to me..and I am just..wow.
I'm speechless. This is absolutely beautifully sad..

"But I'm not running away,
I'm just chasing a falling sun"

I..love these lines. This creates an incredible picture in my head..and it's just..beautiful.

One Sweet Day More (4)
by Daniel Mulvany

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-05-04

Oh wow.
You had me completely wrapped in with your poem...but that last little paragraph of your questioning..thats what moved me to tears.

"I'll never be good enough for her, and am perhaps too afraid of rejection to try."

You never know what can happen until you try. If you face rejection, you move on never asking 'what if I tried?'. You'd be surprised at what you can do.

"Is it stupid to know a person 2 days and not be able to stop thinking of them and the what ifs?"

I think I do this all the time. It's almost refreshing and tormenting all at once..haha.

Now to the actual poem:

"To cast into an unforgiving sea."

This line is the one thing I read aloud in my head over and over as I re-read this piece. Theres something so eery yet calm about it. I love the 'unforgiving sea' part..it just..I guess I can't really describe it.

Your poem and the last paragraph kind of contradicts yourself..haha. The poem sounds like someone you've been with for a while, maybe in an on again off again type of relationship..but now you have to physically go. Then the paragraph goes into seeming like you just me this person.

Now I'm starting to ramble..haha. I love this piece. That sums up everything I just said :]

Digital Ghost (30)
by Sher

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-04-27

Sher..this is sad. I love the title, "digital ghost". It was very chilling and effective.

I'm sorry I can't give a good comment. I'm a little silenced because of how sad this poem actually made me...it's that kind of piece that grabbed your emotions and sticks to ya.

I hope this wasn't real..:/ Lol. Love ya!

Soon my tears will run dry. (9)
by Andrew

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-04-13

I think this is a strong paragraph, but a little confusing to read. I think that if you wanted to make it more of a prose then you should break it up a little with your sentences. If you want it to be more of a poem, you should break it into stanzas.

With that said if you break it into stanzas, I feel you should keep going, as it seems like you were holding back from what you really wanted to say.

Oh, What A Wonderful World (15)
by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-26

Hello, Favorites! Yes, thats exactly where this enthralling piece is going.

I find it hard to comment on your poetry after having to say the same things over and over. But I never get tired of praising you. I love the writing that you do, the words you say, and the thoughts created.


"You had pleaded with me; I remember the choke in your voice. Please, tell me those aren't tears . . ."

I found this heartbreaking. Nothing more, nothing less. Just utterly heartbreaking.

"Now, I realize we're all just singing separate notes to a very minor chord.

You could have sang the world I taught you.

But you didn't.

Instead, you wrote lies on your paper, so simple and lined."

This is brilliance, yet again. I don't know where you get the ideas you do, or how you come up with the things you write. I don't really care to know, because that may take away from the whole strength of your writing. But I must say, this is one of the best pieces I have read from you in such a long time. That spark I talked about in the last comment in strong within this piece.

You have a way with your words that touches the people around you, whether you know they have an affect or not. I wish you would give yourself more credit than you do, but maybe you being humble is what makes it so great.

Society's Perfection (26)
by Bloody Razor Tells It All

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-26

I think that this is a message that, sadly, is all around the world, all over the place, and so heartbreaking.

I got a little confused with the flow of the piece, it seemed a little inconsistent with huge lines, and then short little ones. It threw it all off a bit for me, to be honest.

"Binge
Purge
Binge
Purge
After you eat, you feel the urge"

I did like that piece, and I feel if you figure out how to do this right, you could create a repetition affect and place this in different spots throughout your poem.

Even If You Don't, Pretend To Love Me For A Second (9)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-22

Okay...well this was just absolutely heartbreaking!

It was a little hit and miss for me. I liked some of it, and there were parts I didn't feel connected as strongly with the rest of the poem.

The message itself controlled all of my emotions, my goodness. It was simply beautifully sad..I loved the message and tone.

"I'm still clinging desperately to our cherished memories
Hoping against hope that you will find it in your heart"

I LOVE these two lines. They stuck out most to me and I keep repeating them in my head over and over. They're so touching and full of regret and remorse. It's incredibly heartbreaking.

"Had the best thing in the world, was to selfish to realize"

was "too" selfish to realize :]]
But I'm not fond of this line. "Had the best thing in the world; I was too selfish to realize...maybe? Instead of the way it is now...the way it is now seems a little off and confused me..who was too selfish? You or the best thing in the world? Just a thought :]]

I'm sorry this isn't one of my gigantic comments. I'm planning on commenting a few of yours, but can't stay on for a while. So you get a bunch of good comments, instead of two AMAZING ones :]]

Remember The Enigma within Chimera's Eyes (15)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-22

Wellll lookit here..we have a smarty pants.

To be perfectly honest, I feel like I was reading a whole different language. Call me dumb, I don't mind. Lmao. But this was just so hard for me to read with all your intelligence.

That being said, I like to read poetry that are in different languages. People think it's weird, but even though I don't have the slightest idea of whats being said, I like to make my own up with the tone I give it.

Seeing that its your writing, it's dark and mysterious, and incredibly intruiging. That I had already gathered. Lets see what else I can come up with :]]

"Thunderstorms lick cryptic forests
spreading tongues of toxic malediction;
I'm dreaming of nocturnal wanderers,
phantoms, warriors of suicidal charisma."

THIS is something that is easier for me to understand..and goodness me it's a stanza that I adore. It's so..chaotic yet calm. In a way you find ways to contradict yourself, or at least my feelings. It's beautifully written and sharply conveyed.

"Stanzas break, sketching fluttering words"

&& I love this line. It describes so much to me in so many ways, with just 5 words. Amazing.

I love that you put your first stanza as your last. It was a familiarity to the piece and brought a very good tie-in.

Overall....I love this :]]

A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not. (8)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-15

“And i heard you were going blonde now for the summer”

I always usually go blonde for the summer time. How cliche of you..lmao

“or maybe it was just the fact you wore that winter coat,
that had the stench of sex and blood and maybe even my name.”

A little curious here as to what blood is doing on a sex-smelling winter coat, but who am I to judge? Haha. I love this. It brings a sense of the past into everything, and it’s just very....real, in your face sort of thing.

“i dug my teeth into my knees and i told myself i was ready
but i know that i can't begin to make up for disappointed time
when it all seems like everything is just too grey for my liking;”

I LOVE these lines. They just...good grief. They’re magic! I love how you put such a spin on everything, and brought such a sad tone to the piece. You admitted when something is wrong, and thats not often something seen in your poetry. Not something thats so obvious, anyhow.

“dont tell me you've ran out on the thought that maybe
you could bring yourself to see the things that you said i see.”

Sdjkghgsd. I LOVE LOVE LOOOVE THIS. It’s a little hard to read out loud and really trips up for me when I try to say it, but other than that I just love the tone, the meaning, the string of words you’ve so perfectly put together. This is just incredible. It sounds so defeating...if that is even a word. Like you’ve allowed someone to give up all the hope they had been carrying on for such a long time...and thats when you realize it’s all downhill.

“you were like my eyes in the back of my head just to warn us
that there was so much to learn and so much more we could be”

Now you bring the hope and great memory back into it...your poetry is almost like a time travel, and I love that. It’s sometimes hard to keep up, but the past and present mixed into one the way you do it is so refreshing and unique..I love it.

“and i guess he doesnt kiss that spot on your neck like i used to?
and there's that spot below your stomach where i rest my head,
telling you it was perfect and somehow i think you always knew.”

This changed the entire poem around for me...this is the pivotal turning point that I do believe was perfectly placed. This is so beautifully sad and touching. It reminds me of a dream I had this morning that has been haunting me. I don’t understand how you are so easily able to connect with my emotions throughout your poetry. No other writer has ever been able to affect me the way you do.

“you can tell my hair isnt parted in just quite the same way
all because i miss the way you used to fix it up by yourself.
and it doesnt seem fair to me to to have to go back to habit
where i was flipping it from my face because i hate the way it felt.”

Dskghg. Thats one thing I’ve always hated about relationships. The little things you get used to, and when the relationship is over...it’s the one thing you miss more than anything...and the one thing you think about so much. I easily do it to this day, as I’m sure a lot of people do. It drives you crazy to think about it and compare. Ohh how it drives me absolutely nuts.

“miss sharing those sex and cigarettes with you in the morning,
while you laughed at me eyeing your rusted necklace clasp.
part of me hopes you still keep that right beside you because
i really meant to tell you that i bought that with 7 weeks rent”

I still don’t understand the whole cigarettes after sex thing. Maybe it’s a guy-thing, maybe not. Who knows. But I still don’t get it. Lol. 7 weeks rent on a necklace. Oh that just sounds beautiful and expensive. Lol. But the fact that you want her to keep it next to her and the way you convey it all is so beautiful and heartbreaking. Your poetry this morning is bringing me back to my past, and I don’t think that is good waters to be traipsing around through..

“now, i know that your machine says "night out with gene"
but that doesnt mean i cant still tell you wished it said my name.”

Oh.
My.
Lord.

This.Is.Remarkable.

Ian...I cannot truly describe to you the ending. You’ve brought me to something so dark and deep within myself and I don’t think I ever really realized it until right this instant.

I love that ending. The ending made the entire poem in my opinion. It was beautifully sad. It’s so nice to know that a guy can really have feelings...I’ve been lacking that department in my selections.

Overall, I love your work. Nothing new. I shouldn’t even have to comment half the time, because not only do I say the same things practically, you have to know what the hell is going through my head. Lol. This is perfect.

Falling Out of Love At This Volume. (5)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-14

Holy moses..
Okay. You totally outdid yourself on this one.

"*so, people love and they hate and i guess it's just our turn to hate. yeah, you were just some song i wrote- a poem on a page. "

I LOVE your little prolouges on some of your poetry. It excites me in a weird way [NO..not THAT way]. I love that little catch phrase "a poem on a page"...I guess only people who write poetry are really connecting with that particular line...I read it to a friend and she was confused. Lmao.

"At one point i convinced myself it was all dollars
but then i learned that change had more intent."

As usual I am never quite sure -what- exactly you are meaning here, but if you ever were to tell me I think that would ruin the whole point of reading your poetry. This is just so incredibly breathtaking and such a powerful way to start something.

"you poured me blue tea inside of green tea cups
knowing that i grew up with sleepy on my eyes,
then the change in colour set a change in taste
and yeah i grew up trying to learn how not to fly."

WHAT is with you and blue&green? Please do tell. I love this set I picked out, though and I think it flows together so incredibly well. I had such a remarkable image in my head, and it's so vivid, like I'm right there, watching you drink this tea. But I know there is so much more to this story and I know how much more feeling is sinking in..the more and more I comment, the more and more I realize what these lines mean to me, and how emotional they make me.

"it's not easy being dreamy, and i guess that hurts
and sometimes your eyes gotta rain to learn."

I love the easy way this reads. And I love how you used something SO horribly cliche [rain/tears] and made it SO horribly not.


"and i'm walking down the halls like i even have a reason"

I did this at work today. HAHAHA. I said something SO similar. "I'm walking down here like I have a reason". Bwaha. Way to be in my head!

"i'd be lying if i said that i didnt miss you and i wont
because i know you liked honesty over your head"

The way this is said is almost defacing. "I know you liked honesty over your head"...it's almost as though it's a bad thing in a good way. If that makes any sense.

"and do you remember how i always tried to buy you
those floral print curtains you said you didnt hate?
well, i know you lied about liking them for my benefit
so i guess we've got the wrong idea about touching face."

This is quite possibly my favorite. This is what a feeling and emotion does to you. You have overwhelmed my soul with your words today, but I think I'll take that. Theres a certain sort of magic to your words that spark my eyes..I hate that I always praise you, because I know you'll eventually get a big head about it..maybe. Lol.

Ew. Take out pigeons. You ruined the WHOLE effect...dskjgh. Pigeons poop on people. LOL

"because i knew singing to you wasnt any choice"

It's not that it isn't a choice..but is it a fear? I love this about your writing [do I repeat myself? I think so]...I never EVER know if you mean what you say or say what you mean. But I love what I can come out with...and I love how I can relate to your poetry on such an intimate level and it never feel creepy or weird...It's almost as though you sift through the journals of my mind and easily write my story. Whats even more weird, is you hardly know whats going on with me anymore, so you couldn't possibly EVER get inspiration from me. Lol

"but you heard me clear as day and i guess that awoke you,
and it always confused me that that made you so sad"

sjdghsdg. I LOVE THIS. Ian..ohmigod..
That last line is so incredibly sad and touching and marvelous and lovely and..I'm running out of adjectives off the top of my head. I understand the sadness..and I think thats what makes me sad.


"you slept to give the chance of love a little less than you had. "

Beautifully heartbreaking.

&& I love, love the rhyming scheme at the very end of the poem. Didn't notice if you had it throughout the whole thing or not, but I know you had it at the ending and it was just brilliant.

I also love how you brought back the stains etc and used, AGAIN, blue and green. You know..it makes me feel like those stains were from a fight the night before, hence the sleeping...and sleepy eyes...and the tea cup was just shattered into pieces.

Look at me trying to analyze. Like that'll ever work. LOL.

Beautiful. I so wasn't in tune with the last one I read..but this one made up for it, and so much more. This is strategically beautiful.

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic (17)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-09

I may be 100% off base with this poem..but what I got from this poem is someone writing something at night. LOL. I seriously just have this vivid picture of a beautiful woman sitting in this darkened room next to a window..and the only light she has to write her thoughts is with the moonlight.

That being said, it's probably TOTALLY not what you had in mind, but this is the reason I love your poetry so much. You paint such imaginative pictures in my head, and yet it could be something totally different to another reader. Thats what writing does to people and I love it.

"Drumbeats repaint soul
with karmic, maroon and red ink
writing the night away, laughing,
as flowing attention heals wounds."

I think this is the stanza that really connected with me the most...as flowing attention heals wounds. Poetry can be and is very therapuetic, and it's something that heals my inner most being everytime I put pen to paper. This is beautiful, and so powerful. I love the use of such different words for colors that you use, but I think I tell you that in every poem :]] Lol

Yet again, another beautiful and powerful piece..not like we'd expect any different when it's penned by you! :]]

Conversations of a Beaten Diva (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-09

Segjhg.

Oh. My. God.

I am SO glad you had me read this title, but I do think you ask me to read the poems you know I will be completely flabbergasted by, and this is so shockingly incredible I don't know what to say.

":leave me shattered, leave me shattered, shattered...
cause I'm tired of licking overused words."

How beautifully brilliant and enticing. It brought SUCH sadness and horror to this piece. Oh my I am in poetic heaven.

"Sip this poison on the facet of my champagne kisses.
- recollection comes and rips the heart from the chest"

I find myself falling over my words trying to do this poem justice in a comment...I cannot even formulate a sentence or idea to let you truly know how this poem has affected me. It's beautifully touching, and so beyond powerful that I am at a loss for words, so all I can possibly do is keep on rambling..LOL.

The ONLY thing I would say threw me off is hedgehogs..and thats only because it reminded me on Sonic the Hedgehog, and I love that game, so my mind whisked off to the old days. Haha. But other than that, I do not find one ounce of anything wrong within this piece.

This has a Romeo and Juliet feel to this, and I think maybe thats where you got some ounce of inspiration. If not, it sure seemed like it, and it's a beautiful tale to be inspired by. This is just...my favorite. Going right into my favorites and I'm telling everyone to come read this. Lol. This is so..just..Amazing.

Stumble (3)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-09

Okay, this poem just oozes of poetic passion..
This is just beautiful, and by reading some of your older work before, you're only getting better. Not to say you weren't good before..but you know what I mean :]] Haha

I love the strong connection between every single stanza...it's so powerful and incredibly fascinating.

"Lost to the flame
Drunk on your charm"

I'd say this connected with me the strongest. I'm not quite sure why..I keep replaying this ins my mind over and over.

Beautiful piece :]]

Gasping For Air, That Was Never There (7)
by DarkSpirit

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-09

Okay..
You just totally wowed me with this, and my goodness gracious I don't know what to say. Everyone in CCP is just racking my brain with such powerful poetry that I feel my brain is going to MUSH everytime I try to comment!!

"Reincarnation is just an option,
everything is a dream, anyway,"

This is just fantasticly incredible..I love the whole eery vibe to your tone, and I adore the reality that you set forth within this piece. You never fail to amaze me, and I adore every piece of work you come up with. Where you get this fantastic ideas, I'll never know..but don't ever lose that source of inspiration..it would be a shame for ideas and thoughts like yours not to be shared with the world.

An Apple a Day Will Keep the Doctor Away (18)
by Cayce

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-09

Having gone through this experience myself, you connected with me on such a haunting level that this piece brought tears to my eyes. It's like you knew exactly how I was and you wrote about my personal experience..

The flow is amazing, and I love the rhyming you did...it didn't seem forced and everything seemed to be put perfectly in it's own place. The only problem I have is with the very last stanza, all of your lines are rhyming..that is the only thing that took away from the flow for me. I reread it and tripped over my tongue a little..lol.

I love how you used an old saying and incorporated it in something so many people battle. This is a very powerful piece..and something many can relate to. :]]

Life-long Facade (12)
by Cayce

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-09

I'd say I prefer the other poem than this one, but this still isn't -horrible-.

I definitely do not like the overuse of exclamation points...but then again I've never been fond of them in poetry anyway..lol. For the type of tone this poem had, the !'s really took away from that and made it sound so incredibly upbeat, when truly it seemed sad.

"I'm just another drama queen
Trying to get through the day"

This particular part made me laugh, because it describes me in high school, without a doubt..lol.

Again, this is another piece that many people can relate to, and I think thats something that is amazing to do. Not everyone can write their feelings and be understood..but you did a great job at expressing that within this piece :]]

Memories That Fade Like Photographs (24)
by Blissful

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-08

Okay, this has given me a bit of hope, sadness and love all rolled into one. I love that first experience of catching someones attention and just be completely consumed by their beauty. I'm an eyes girl myself..haha.

That last stanza is overwhelmingly sad..and I think that its something a lot of people can truly relate to. If they don't...then they're lying or in denial..haha.

This is another beautiful piece by you..I love reading your work. They are a breath of fresh air :]]

As We Descended On Eachother, It Got Harder To Tell. (5)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-08

Those other comments are petty. Where in the heck is a good praise when it's deserved?!

I'm about to write a book here. Just letting you know. Prepare yourself.

I knew from the very beginning that I was going to fall in love with this poetry. Not only because it was from you, but the title captivated me in a way only your titles truly can. Thats how much just a title does to me, especially when I know that something incredible is about to follow.

“I've worn your lips down through promises and goodbye driveways
as you part your lips to tell me you felt as fine as fine could get”

I believe this is quite possibly the very best entrance into a poem that I have read, ever. The imagery is outstanding, and yet there is almost a way you can’t grasp an image in your head with how...wordly it is. I know that probably isn’t a word, but dang it I am making it up now. LOL. I love the afterthought of “goodbye driveways”. It’s so funny how sometimes they may be inviting, and at other times they are simply depressing and so final. I love the second line as it just goes perfect with the beginning. I know obviously you do that on purpose, but it still amazes me how easily your words flow off of my tongue. [Hey..I write good ideas for my own poetry in comments to you. Lookit that! Haha!]

“I told you i loved you but i think i only meant about half of it
the other parts, lost in coffee cups you'd thrown underneath of my bed.
soaked in caffeine and weak dreams i hid it underneath there
because i was scared to swallow up the things we had not then said”

SO many I’s, but I love it. Haha. The own conviction, the true questioning behind your words brings a sort of “real” feeling to your reader, or at least it did to me. This was simply timeless, so beautiful, and so twistingly sad. Again, another word I made up. Shakespeare made up his own words, so sue me! Haha. I love the idea of coffee and caffeine you put throughout these lines. People wouldn’t usually think of something so ‘off’ to put into their poem, but look at you...you somehow fit it in perfectly..in a way people could only wish they would’ve thought of it before you had. The whole way everything fits together, coffee cups/bed, caffeine/dreams, and swallowing up the things you hadn’t yet said....I love the way you make line to line run together so easily, so smooth.

“i pretend i had a motive for the way that i pronounced pronunciation
pretend that those cups will never mold and have to be casted off again.”

Pronounced pronunciation. It was a mouthful for me to say, but then again, isn’t everything? Lol. This is just amazing, simply incredible and I wouldn’t expect less from you. Again you bring back to the cups, though I don’t think you meant mold as in fungus. Lol. I see it more as a metamorphesis...those cups mean so much more than cups, and I feel that it is the strong connection to your entire being. I could be totally off base, but the other thing I love about your poetry is that I can come up with my own meaning and never truly know what in gods name you are really saying. But thats the beauty of it. :]]

“i slur my words on purpose just to see if you will notice and i knew
that i would end up as disappointed as we both are give and take.”
I don’t have a whole lot to say about this other than I didn’t want to leave it out. It’s incredible [duh], and it enforces your entire tone throughout this piece.

“you held my frosted hands but your eyes told me different stories
than your lips did pressed to my ear as i sprawled out across suns rays.”

I love how you put things together that are on different ends of the spectrum [frosted/sun]. It’s such a beautifully unique way to come across. But this particular part brought tears to my eyes and just weakened my wall. I’ve become speechless, and that is something you know I don’t do often.

“i cant tell you that i understand as i've realized that i'm just learning,
not that you cared to hear the intellect or anything i found compelled
to say or do just to simply put it all out there, maybe even please you,”

Again with the saddness and pure beauty. I love the first line as you have reached a point of accepting the imperfect. Good grief I am running out of things to say. I know how these words make me feel, but they are only thoughts in my head...I can’t form an actual sentence with them.

“you were too busy creating songs that werent about me in your head”
Again, tears to my eyes as I know what it feels like to feel this way. I feel it too often and you bring such a real sense of in-your-face reality to me and it breaks my heart. Somehow you connect so strongly to me with your poetry, I feel as if you could possibly be writing about me and what I’m feeling before I even get the chance to realize I feel it. I don’t know how I connect or relate to your words so easily, but I do...and it just wows me every single time.

This is beautiful, Ian. I wish you would write more so I had more to cling to, more ideas of yours to absorb. It’s writers like you that make reading worthwhile.

Tasting Rainy Whispers (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-08

Are you serious?
THIS IS AMAZING.
I'm in total awe.
I love the title, love the way it reacts to the very end of this piece.

"I'm simply senseless due to extreme senselessness
to the point where senselessness doesn't make
any sense anymore; senseless numbers swallow sense."

and I know this probably makes sense to hardly anyone, but it made the world of sense to me.

"cause I love to taste tint of darkness
sketched across your cyan aura."

How beautifully poetic. I love the use of "cyan" rather than your typical color. You do such a great job at describing and imagining things...This is just powerful. I love this.

The Move (11)
by debbylyn

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-08

I'm not sure how this poem makes me feel. A part of me lets me bring back the memories of the old houses that I have lived in, and obviously thats a great memory for me. You brought me back to my childhood, and I had a great one...so I thank you for that.

But the use of "slamming doors" makes me think that while you appreciate the past and the memories that house held, leaving it was necessary to get past something that was haunting you. Maybe I am 100% off base, but thats something I like about your poetry, readers create their own meaning and their own feel, and you could mean something totally different :]] Thats what a writer truly is, and you are an amazing one.

Our Love Will Have No End (28)
by Cindy

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-08

This is beyond beautiful. What a truly heartfelt write..you have brought tears to my eyes and sincerely touched my soul with this piece. I find it hard to want leave this page..for this piece is proof that there is true love. Simply beautiful...I am speechless and that doesn't happen often :]

Only one thing I would change, and it's so minor I don't know why I'm even mentioning it..lol

"Promised forever me and you"

Could be..Promised of forever, me and you.

It reminds me of your style of writing throughout the rest of the piece. No big deal. :]]

I don't think I've ever read a more touching piece of poetry.

Tangled Silence (12)
by Blissful

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-03-01

"She urgently listens for a familiar voice calling from a distance
Only sound she hears are her falling tears and disguised cries"

This just brings out the tears and broke my heart. What a sad, yet beautiful couple of lines.

Overall it was hard for me to read the first time, but once I re-read it and read it out loud it was much better...I like poetry like that..using a tone to really bring the effect out of a piece.

I really feel you could have kept going with this...to me it feels like you were trying to say something, but you ran out of a way to express yourself and cut it short. I would try coming back to it again and see if you can come up with some more to it..because though it's great the way it is, I have read enough of your writing to know you can poetically punch this ending :]]

I Was the One Worth Leaving. (5)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-02-23

Ohh Ian-Boy...how you do capture me with your poetic words.
This is nothing short of beautiful, and everything more.

I would love to pick this apart, find something to complain about.
But I can't. I never can with your pieces of shining glory. They're just..beautiful as is. Nothing can, could, will or would ever compare to pieces like the one you have created here.

"and without girl's like you in the world there would be no poetry"

If I ever had a man I cared for say that to me, I would be his forever. There is something so simple and yet so complex within that line itself that creates a whole jumble of constructed meaning.

" to have you eat the miscarried thoughts you brought up inside of the books and letters with you. "

This is just incredible. So unique, so vague, yet so full of meaning to whoever wants to attach a meaning to it. This does wonders to my brain.

"i would give you star dust and writer's wrists to place you back upon a cloud."

Some people would read this and just say "What in the hell does this mean?". Thats the beauty of it. Even if it didn't mean anything, it's still beautiful. But it's got a powerful poetic punch to it (love my alliteration!..haha) and I wouldn't change a piece.

"i gave you roses and words and i gave you petals and vowels. "

I can't get over this part. I read it to a friend and she looked at me like I was insane. She didn't understand. You could take a look at the big picture...giving someone so much in the beginning and slowly breaking it down to what REALLY create the pieces of your soul. Give so much all at once, and be particular later on down the line. And to me, this is just beautiful. I don't want to analyze it anymore, for I love the description I came up with..lol.

"it's a voice better left to forget; but one i will remember till i believe."

And this piece right here creates more sadness than any of your metaphoric lines.

""i love you," was what i wrote with sanded fingertips as you alight yourself with gasoline to keep warm. "

Such a beautiful ending. How incredibly beautiful. It has an ounce of hope to me..but maybe it's just the warmth you mentioned.

I am so glad I read this piece. I don't have the time to really get into reading your poetry anymore. The title was so sad, so heartbreaking, and grabbed my attention, violently shaking me. I looove this piece.

Dot the Eyes. Dot the I's. Dot the Eyes. (4)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-02-23

Df hgdzffg.

Oh. My. God.

That first paragraph had me in tears.
I read this entire piece to myself. And then once more out loud. It has such an incredibly powerful affect when read aloud...and it gave me tears and chills.

" i watched my life unravel before me on a screen and never realized how entirely perplexed i really was. i lied to you dear, and you believed it. i gave you my faith dear and you believed in it. now i am here with broken teeth and a broken message. it was ill of you "

This is the type of things you say that changes people...that makes them think about the reality of the world and the things they do. Maybe not for others, but it does for me. Every piece of your poetry is almost like a bit of heightened therapy for me, and the way I get lost into your thoughts, memories and words completely blow my mind.

Just when I think it couldn't get better...you find another way to surprise me.

Beautiful Liar (2)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-01-03

"Every time I look at you, stomach churns with disgust"

Shouldn't it be [my] stomach churns..?

Okay..I just have to say this first stanza is so contradictory I absolutely love it. What a great beginning...what an amazing way to hook your reader into wanting to read the rest of the poem.

Well now you've got me really confused as I just got done reading the second stanza. You have this utter hatred inside of you dying to break free.

"You effortlessly managed to plant yourself in my heart"

Ooh. Very unique..I love this wording.

"You're a true master at deception and misrepresentation"

Read this out loud..Do you love it as much as I do? OHHH this is quite possibly THE line that makes the entire poem.


"No conscience, no moral and you certainly don't love
Under that perfect disguise you're another beautiful liar."

This is such a strong ending to your piece. Goodness, I love this poem, Jenni. It wreaks of blatant love, pain, anguish, remorse, confusion...and how you shoved so many emotions into one piece is beyond me. This is incredible.

Little Miss Sunshine (1)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-01-03

"So stop acting like your the best thing since sliced bread"

You did NOT just say that..LMAOO

"Your bubbly persona is beginning to get a little old
You're not made of sparkling sunshine and lollipops"

AHAHHAHAHAHAHA. This is what I LOVE about your sarcastic rudeface pieces. They bring me such humor that I cannot hardly stand it...Oh this is priceless.

"So turn of that disgusting charm, it really wont work"

of should be off :]]

"For I know all about your secrets and stupid illusions"

I don't know if you wrote this about someone, but I'd hate to be them. This is just brilliant.

"The aura surrounding you is the darkest shade of black
It matches the evil hidden behind your {innocent} eyes"

Muaha. Who's the evil one, here, Jenni dear? I love how you parenthesised innocent..very strong, powerful affect.

LOVE that ending, how hilarious, real and in your face is this piece. This is quite possibly one of my favorites now..haha.

Corruption Never Tasted Sweeter (6)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2008-01-02

"It's become impossible to take my mind of your beautiful face"

Of should be off.

"And as you run to meet me under the stars, fall into your arms
Trembling with ecstasy as you trail kisses across my face
Moonbeams beaming down on us, creating a sparkling glow
Shivering not from cold, but from complete delight and joy"

I love the first two lines in this stanza, they're beautiful. But moonbeams beaming sounds silly...I'd change beaming to...Moonbeams glistening upon us, creating a sparkling glow.

Ooh. I like it. LOL

Can I be honest? Oh, sure I can. "Shivering not from cold,"

I don't like this line. At all. It sounds really forced, and so not like something you can come up with..Jenni dear..psht. LOL

So I was commenting as I was reading this poem, and I have finally finished.

I have never, ever heard such a wh0re-poem to turn out so beautiful. LOL. You seriously conveyed a true cheater throughout this piece, but a cheater locked within her own passion...like a slave to her real relationship with another man consuming her heart.

This is dang good, truly beautiful. I still have to write this title, don't I? Uh oh. I can't compare!

Can You Take Your Smile Elsewhere? (11)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-29

"Dislike clear in your eyes 'cause you haven't fooled me
I'm thanking my lucky stars your stupidity isn't contagious"

You are just evil and this is pure brilliant...Haha.

"You're just another idiotic devil in a false disguise"

I don't like the "idiotic" here. I think you could use a better word, but I'm lacking an idea..haha.

"Sooner or later, people will wise up to your selfish ways
Tell me darling, who is going to be the fool then?"

I thought ways said "wars" at first, and I thought it was genious. Then I saw it was really ways. HAHA.
You use fool a lot...I believe three times throughout the entire piece. Is there a synonym for it?

"What's that old saying, revenge is best served cold"

OH I LOVE THIS LINE!

"Do you think you'll handle it from so many people?"
This is just brilliant as well..so many people catching her and despising her all at the same time!

"Wipe away your mask, let us see the repulsive liar
Don't be shy honey, aren't you to old for hide and seek?"

You evil, sarcastic, vindictive wench, I love it. The to, should be "too".

"mendacious"

This means?

"And yet you keep smiling that dazzling, unwanted smile "
What a beautiiiful ending!

This is by far one of your best in my eyes. I feel that when being sarcastic and with longer lines, you can use filler words and get away with them. It's almost more of a prose/story than writing a poem, and I think thats why I'm into this style more and more lately. This is just brilliant. I will be thinking of another title shortly!

Between Your Smiles & Regrets (1)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-29

What an incredibly beautiful beginning in which you have stated..It's almost as though you are too busy with being hectic, chaotic, that you will not allow the calm to surround you.

The second stanza took me to sitting on the edge of a cliff right above the ocean, swinging my legs, watching my soul float along the winds of the water. You've created such a beautiful out-of-body experience for me within this second stanza, and that imagery is just incredible.

The third stanza makes me feel as though you've watched your chaoticness go away, so you are finally allowing that "calm" to overwhelm you. It's such a therapuetic feeling, really.

"Alone,
A world of silence,
The construction of wisdom,
Moments of insight."

I am awed by this stanza, and feel I must pick it apart. The feeling of solitude is an incredible thing after you deal with the disasters of the world. This stanza really creates the feeling as though you are cuddled up within yourself, taking the time to internalize your ideals, really figure out who and what you are becoming, what you have overcame, and what obstacles you know are in the future. The time to truly evaluate life as a whole.

"Destruction would be letting go,
Letting go of that freedom,
Relinquishing the solace,
Dependent on fallacies"

This, to me, feels as though you are unable to let go from the cling of the chaos. It all reminds me of your screen name "Beautiful Chaos"..it just sounds so perfect and fits everything so well together.

"World or no world,
You are never alone,
Each being possessing,
A world within themselves."

You're never alone in the world as long as you have yourself. Whether you have the drama of conflicting ideas or problematic issues you constantly deal with in life, you can always turn to yourself. If you let yourself down, there is always that room to forgive..and this stanza says that to me beautifully.

"Too often unexplored,
Taken for granted,
Feared,
There should be no fear in truth. "

But within truth, we know everything. There is nothing more to advance from the truth, and it really does go with the saying "You can't handle the truth".

This piece is so incredibly beautiful and inspirational. I'm unsure as to what you were trying to say in this poem, but obviously I came up with my own meaning. I read quite a bit of your poetry, and this one overwhelmed me, I had to comment. I'd have to say that the joy of your poetry is not only the message you convey, but the amazing way youre able to write that can be interpreted in a hundred different ways. Thats what makes a poem, and a poet.

Beautifully written piece.

Choke On Your Last Dying Word (4)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-28

"Wrap yourself up even tighter in those knots
But excuse my laughter when you finally choke"

HAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh Jenni dear. HAHAHA. You are such a sarcastic rudeface, but oh how I Love it.

"Watching you knot yourself in further deceit
Poisoned words slipping from your mouth"
Fits perfectly for the person you wrote it for, if its him you're talking about. This has such anger, such hate..my word.

"Are you aware of how much I hate you?"

This line is off for me, with your use of "hate". Try saying despise. It brings the anger without such a cliche, Oh I hate you! Haha.

"It's tangled stories you're spinning
Rolling my eyes as you trip yourself up"

Caught up in the twisted web, dangling upside down. I wrote something like that, and this works well with it. This is just hilarious. I know you're mad and cranky, but I can't help but keel over in LAUGHTER over this poem.

"Whispering "It will be our little secret,"
How many people do you mumble that to?"

Haha. What a manwh0re. That is just disgusting, and I'm so glad you realize it. I love the use of mumble here. It's almost like a grunt, a tired plea. Haha

"Unintentionally formed yourself a hate club
Aren't you aware how many people detest you?"

Again, with the "hate" thing. It threw the piece off for me..But I have no suggestions, so never mind me. Lol

"Aren't you aware how many people detest you?"

You used aware before. Try saying..Um.."Don't you realize those who detest you?" It's using different words, but all wrapping up the same meaning.

"But I'm afraid that sooner or later darling
You're going to crash back to reality hard"

Sweet and sour, just how I like it! Your second "to" in the second line, try saying "into".

"For I'm hoping you'll land very painfully
Just so I can revel in your destruction"

You say this like you can ALMOST care, but you just can't bring yourself to sympathize for this jerk. Cracks me up.

I do believe this is your best poem ever. I'm doing a random brag about it in CCP. AND YOU DIDN'T RHYME! I'll come up with hundreds of titles if you continue stuff like this without rhyming. You have no idea how well you flow without rhyming.

When you rhyme all the time [haha], you end up sounding cliche in a lot of your pieces. You force some rhymes. But here, you let your emotions out, your anger flow, and you don't have to think about it. Man alive I Looove this.

I Could Be An Accident But I'm Still Trying (4)
by The Queen of Spades

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-27

What does befuddlement actually mean? Haha.

The rhyme and flow throughout this entire piece was flawless, but I'm sure you already knew that..haha.

"My body is peeling inside out
I'm unraveling like violet sands."

Not only a twisted image, but violet sands is such a creative and unique description. I just loved it, and wanted to point that out.

"You think the sun really shines so bright
When the earth can get that wet."

How true, and you bring out the true pessimist inthis particular piece. Whats so funny is it sounds like this poem is so full of dark hope...the kind of hope that you don't WANT to have faith in anything, that it's just easier to lie under the covers and close your eyes to the world.

The ending is sad, and really shows what the truth of this poem is about...I especially love that big word and it almost seems like it makes no sense at all, but it ends up making all the sense in the world, go figure. Haha.

I love this poem..I love the title. I almost took it myself in the contest but decided against it. :]]

Pencil Me In (9)
by debbylyn

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-27

Well my goodness. This is so beautiful. The imagery you have portrayed is simply out of this world..

You really surprised me..when reading the title, I had something completely different in mind..

"Airbrushed dreams, golden sand, warm
Sun-kissed, freckled "

This is so incredibly beautiful, with a touch of a vacation island romance.

"On the shores of our charcoal paradise
While outside Winter has her way"

You could take this in many different ways, which is what I love about most of your endings. And with Winter coming up, being as fierce as she has been here, I'd be all for charcoal paradises...Cozy up next to the fire with a cup of hot coffee/cocoa/tea and just relax with the one you love, maybe a good book. Unsure if you had that same idea, but you took me to a wonderful place...This is just beautiful! {i know..I'm repeating myself!}

The Invitation (2)
by Andrea Sunny

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-26

Upon a chattering window pain

pain should be pane.

Are you inviting menopause?
Lmfao..
I couldn't help myself.

Numb [I Have Become] (18)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-23

I understand your definition of the piece you've written...but my own interpretation is connecting so deeply to me at the moment that I am beyond words and the tears are flowing. My goodness, I am unable to truly tell you how the piece speaks to me.

"Too numbed in Ice; Yesterday's tongue
Of Language spoken
Of Anger signed
To petals broken then left behind"

This piece of your poetry in particular really spoke to me more so than the rest, for this is the piece that reflects most on the news I found out today. Its amazing how you had one thought while writing this, and you can get a totally different response elsewhere. Thats what a good writer truly is.

"Of Language spoken
Of Anger signed
To petals broken then left behind"

This piece broken down signifies life as a whole to me..This is just beautiful. The flow is perfect, as is the rest of the poem. Your wording and layout is quite different of those I have seen before, and it's refreshing to see something so unique. When I first read the title, I was a little worried...but you have done wonders with this.

I'm not sure if this is the kind of comment you were looking for. I found no true critique for the poetry part of your poem..Just felt the need to truly express my emotions.

Sometimes, I Say Semitemos. (16)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-19

I have to say firsthand, I thought Semitemos was some spanish stuff I didn't quite get. Sounds spanish. DUH, I know what it is now, lmao. Nice!

"while we lay under different stars and different front yards."

^^Beautiful. Most people say how they are laying under the same stars, but not you, Ian. You'd never fall to the norm of society, and I do believe thats what I love most about your poetry.

"and i feel you are as small as i ever wanted you to be
with you, i am alive more than i think i have ever been."

Chillingly romantic, I just can't get over the simple beauty you've created in just two lines.

What is with you and sixes and sevens? There is something there behind the meanings, and I have yet to figure it out...So come on, you. Spill it!

""sometimes, i think you're a lot like the weather because,
you're good and you're bad, but you are always here.""

This is just beautiful, and how incredibly true..Oh, how this particular piece sings to me in a way you'll never truly understand, for only understanding my chaotic mind would surely surprise you.

Hey. I'm using that in a poem. Lmao Watch for it :]]

"semitemos i tnaw ot yas taht i kinht taht i evol uoy tub
i know diamonds shine better on faces rather than tears."

This is beautiful, and unique, and not even hard for me to read though it was confusing and backwards. Haha. I love how you but a random sentence backwards, and yet it held so much meaning...I don't know if you realized how incredible it is with everything all mixed up and jumbeled. It brings the true feel to your line..As for the diamonds bit..The image of diamonds shining in tears is remotely beautiful, interesting, but something you didn't want to truly portray. To me, diamond tears is more of a beautiful thing. Wait a tick..Saying you want to tell someone you love them backwards, and then saying diamonds belong on the face rather than tears..

It's almost as though you don't really love the person..and by saying you don't, they'll cry. But you like when they cry, it proves a sense of reality, a sense of true, raw emotion that when provoked is just incredible. Or it could mean the exact opposite, which it probably is. I don't know you to write truly sad love poetry. Not usually, anyway.

"you once told me you were so cold, you felt it in your head.
"sometimes, i see my body in a blanket of fire to warm me""

How cold bitterness so easily creeps in the head of others. I can't ever truly understand your poetry as you know, but by god I will put my own meaning to it. Lol. To me this is about realizing how awful you could've been to someone..admitting that you're not as warm inside as you truly thought you were..and once it reached your head, you realized you needed to do something so drastic as draping yourself in fire..Metaphorically speaking of course..But in this case fire is love, to me. With such a strong emotion, that instead of being hurtful, cold and bitter, they're jumping into another purely raw emotion [love]..just to make some sort of sense as to why they are breathing.

Wow. And I thought you rambled.

"htiw uoy, i leef a tol erom evila naht i reve ylgnilliw evah dais. "

Why do you say this like it's a secret? I could picture this being so quiet it's a faint whisper that only birds could hear. Different, but a beautiful ending.

Overall, this is incredible, as is my comment. LOL. I don't think I have ever left a comment THIS long. In fact, I haven't, and you should feel special. But your words, your thoughts, and your poetry does this to me. Makes me so wrapped up in what I will never know...so wrapped up in the things I can only truly guess..
Look for that piece, too. Haha.

Of Unicorns And Dragonflies (17)
by debbylyn

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-16

Ohhhhh.
This is so beautiful, SO beautiful, and what an incredible lesson learned.
This actually brought tears to my eyes..I hate admitting that..Haha.

The flow and rhythm of these rhymes are perfect. Simply beautiful, nothing too extravagant. You kept it simple, precious, and with the strongest meaning.

I love the inspiration behind this piece as well. You sure are a wonderful mother!

Eternally Devoured (Ottava Rima) (6)
by OHgreenman

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-15

"Meeting long ago, another century
Eyes locked beginning our life's chapter
Bartering after sailing seven seas
Your undying love became my heart's captor"

This must be touching on your past life feeling! Ohh how much sense this makes!

"Returning upon choppy waters, uneased
Tossed overboard, tomb amongst coastal keys"

Beautiful with a hint of "scary'. Haha

"To reunite dreams, long ago parted
Our secure relationship has flowered
Past memories making us full hearted"

Goodness gracious this is just absolutely beautiful.

I find it so amazing how easily and gracefully you wrote this piece..You can hardly tell you were limited to syllables. I've never seen a Triple Ottava before..and you did this wonderfully. I believe the first stanza is probably my favorite. Very strong, very loving, hopeful, and just damn beautiful.

This has been in my faves since the day you wrote it, and I have been meaning to comment. This is truly an inspiration to love everywhere.

Artistry of Esbat Dancing (Acrostic) (5)
by Andrea Sunny

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-15

You totally threw me off. WHAT is Esbat? Lmao.

This is beautiful...and you even rhymed throughout the Acrostic, something in which I find HARD to do. You kept the lines short, which are really hard for me, but you can make short lines work wonders.

"Wise angelic spirit, following the code
Authentic body language spinning
Territory marked as rituals gold"

Beaaautiful!

Winter Wishes (12)
by debbylyn

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-15

"Once upon a love gone by
I crossed my heart and now I die
Tears may fall before I wake
Cleave my heart on sorrow's lake"

What a beautiful play on the old prayer..

"Drifted in a gentle shroud
Peaks of nothing 'neath a cloud"

Simply and poetically beautiful. I love how you expressed 'neath, rather than throwing off your flow and putting BEneath.

"Pristine lake cast so serene
Snowfall covers all obscene
Breaths of love, a final plea
Awake my love and follow me"

This is -the- ending of all endings. Incredibly beautiful. I have to wonder, why is this under sadness?

As Blood Runs Black. (14)
by Jessica

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-15

You had me truly, truly going. I was loving, loving this piece.

And then you said "Regret rushes through veins; veins that were sliced,"

It near ruined the entire poem for me. But then again, it's my preference as I do not like cutting/self harm poetry. But I feel without adding that, you could give such a variety of intrepretations to this piece.

It's truly dark and demeaning, that first stanza brilliantly captivating and so strong. I love your word choice, but wish it would've continued being so strong..it kind of faultered to the end.

Never Felt This Way Before (9)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-14

"Rage coursing through these veins"

Coursing doesn't sound like the right word. Maybe crashing?

"Picturing your complete destruction
has become my favorite fantasy"

This is typical Jenni, and I must be honest, this totally sounds like you..Lmao

"One day soon, I'll unleash this wrath
And set this uncontrollable anger free"

UGH. GET RID OF AND! You have been doing friggin AWESOME with no filler words [i know, my newest stuff has filler words. I'm experimenting].

"After everything we've been through
Never thought that it would end in hate"

You never do think that, do ya

"Now the end is finally drawing near
Going to enjoy watching you cry
So you keep smirking and laughing
But darling, your destruction is nigh"

You are evil and vindictive, but I absolutely love this..lmao. It's evil and awesome.

I would take the last stanza and swap it with the second to last stanza. I feel like that second to last stanza really sums it all up and makes a truly strong depiction. Read it out loud that way and let me know what you think.

"And every day I hate you even more."

This line isn't strong enough for an ending..It's probably the weakest line of your whole poem, which is odd, because the rest of your piece is incredibly strong. Thats why I say have a different stanza for your ending :]]

You're in Me, Pulsating. (4)
by rabid isolationist

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-14

" i used to mistake the slow creeping tingle slithering up my spine as pain, and now with the darkness clinging to my skin, I'm starting to realize I'm simply waiting for the end, as if this were an old film where the losers win."

Oh..my..heavens. Me oh my. This is just..incredible. Such a vivid image corrupting my brain, such twisted metaphors dripping with poetic thought. Heavens me.

"i try to remember finger painting and crayons and whether or not i was always this dramatic in my daily rituals. Brussels sprouts, and carrots, dear"

Brought me back to my childhood and I can't help but just smile at this particular piece.

" the tiny particles settle through the holes in my shoes and i recall familiar presence and the great swirling of dust that marked every step."

I love how you make a run on sentence sound incredible. You paint such a strong picture in my mind with these words..beautiful.

Ian told me to read this, and I'm glad he did. This is just..incredibly beautiful.

Clear as day (6)
by Bob Shank

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-14

Arsenic lips
anemic blood

I love the descriptive nature you've brought here..Never heard anyone say anemic blood before, I believe thats a first..Lol. Regardless, it's interesting, different, and captive.

"lips sparkled of potent ale
lovely neck a shade too pale"

This reminds me of a drunken Vampire, but I know there is much more to that than this..Lol. It's a beautifully done dark couplet.

"lest the poet's pen be his bride"
I have to say this is the best line of this entire, entire piece.

Your third stanza kind of threw me off a little, it all rhyming, when your other stanzas had offset rhymes..The flow is still there, though, so I guess it didn't truly take away from the feel.

Your title isn't as captivating as this piece is, the piece seems too complex for the simple title. Clear As Day sounds more of a hopeful, loving piece, rather than a dark piece, but it's refreshing to see something different.

Until The End Of Time (16)
by debbylyn

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-13

....
I'm in utter awe. This is beautiful, with a deepend childhood feel..My goodness, my words cannot be formed to describe the way this poem made me feel.

I love the simplicity in your rhymes, they create such an impeccable flow!

"Gathering then the thistle
Around my wild bouquet
Dry and bare in patches
I still delight the day"

I can picture a little girl, with a huge boquet of dandelions and thistles..Haha. This is such a beautiful piece..

No More Cloudy Days (27)
by Cindy

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-13

What an inspirational piece..Unsure of what you'd post it in the Sadness section...this is truly an inspiration and uplifting, with such a grasp of hope being held.

"Divine Spirit and guidance
Erase the lonely nights
Now dwell with each other
Ending a long and painful fight"

That stanza was just incredibly beautiful. The rhyme was a little common, but it didn't truly take away from the affect this stanza had on me.

The ending to this piece was simply beautiful, and a wonderful, wonderful wrapping for an amazing piece.

For Better Or For Worse, I'm Not Sure. (6)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-13

Alright, picky butt. Here you go

"whichever way i manage to confuse you, i'd never take back
i'm enjoying myself far to much to smile at your distaste;"

This sounds like something you'd totally say to me, go figure. :P

"because three is company here and two is just a crowd."

And this part reminds me of me, you, and Sammiemantha. Crimeny...What IS this poem reallllly about?

"sometimes it seems my tongue wraps around my head.
with dilligence and ignorance at the bottom of the tank,
i can't swim up enough to replay the lines then said."

I like this part probably almost most. You're sarcasm is thoroughly enjoyed.

"i never was good at swimming, and i must in your eyes
because i feel like i'm covered and can't breathe anymore."

Such loving suffocation..

"it never was enough to hold your world with fingers
breaking off now under you, a helping hand to lend."

This part is just too darn sad, Ian. It's beautiful, though.

"i'm so sorry, but my conscience called in sick again
on the one day you needed to break the bend the most;
i've gotten my hopes up and handed you the shot gun,
throw them up in the air and aim to hit where it's close. "

This ending is one of the best endings I've read in a long time, probably one of the best endings you've ever written.

Again. I loved it. Can you tell now? I expect a better comment on the poem I wrote for you now, dang it!

It's Just Another Tragic Love Tale (3)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-12

Not a fan of the "Rush Forward one hour" and what not...Nor do I like that this rhymes, because I know you CAN do a non rhyming poem.

The poem itself is horribly sad, but you did do a good job with this piece. You're too dang hard on yourself, deary.

Now You're Gone (Lento) (14)
by debbylyn

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-11-08

This is probably one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking pieces I have ever read.

Words cannot express how we often feel when tragedy comes our way. I imagine writing this piece must've been difficult...But it was beautiful, and a beautiful dedication.

Take This To Heart. (19)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-10-18

"and hello, it was so nice to see you smiling here again.
i feel like i could touch empathy with brazed fingertips
while planting your feet where forever never ends."

Have mercy on my soul, Ian. My lord. This is more than beautiful.

"i will trace you bed time stories against your arms now,
and sing you the saddest of every single sad song"

...By now I don't even have to tell you how I feel about lines like this..Lol. You should just know..

"it feels as my mouth is disconnected from my brain because,
i'd never before tell you you breathe beautifully when you sleep."

And just when I thought it couldn't get ANY better..it does. You wow me, which is hard to do with poems. You call me an "it" poet? I'd include yourself along with that list.

Unknown Lost (8)
by The Sky is Falling

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-10-04

I feel in this poem you tried too hard to rhyme.
I'm not sure if you have many free-verse poetry, but I think you could do something with that.

I'm going to edit a stanza, eliminating fillers, etc.

"Watch me run away with the pain
I have nothing at all to gain
Watch me slowly lose my self control
My life starting to unfold"

Could be..
"
Running with the pain
Nothing more to gain
Slowly losing self control
Life starting to unfold"

Some stanzas say so much more with shorter lines. :]]

Being A Poet (19)
by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-05-25

Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.
Did I mention wow?
Everything you said.
Everything about a poet, a poets voice, the pen.
This is more than amazing. This is perfection.

"Frustration stings the paper like a rekindled fire,
Just like our nee to write is a fire of desire.
And the writing grows messy, anger ripples through,
But the pen keeps writing with out our consent or cue."

You were dipping into my times of writing when you wrote this
stanza, dear. You have summed my entire life of writing in
one complex stanza. Oh this is beautiful.

Without it, our emotions are lost and we are provoked;
If we choose to speak with our mouths we tend to choke.

For the longest time, when I tried to get out my words, I couldn't.
I could only write them down. Thats when I truly knew how I felt
about everything. How often poetry makes me realize what I am truly feeling,
and how I truly feel about a situation..

"Place unknown words onto the paper and rejoice,
Your feelings come unmasked and you have found your voice.
Being a poet means speaking with your heart and not your words,
So brace yourself and press the pen to your vocal cords."

Best stanza, hands down, ever. And this is also the one you decided
to repeat, which I love. You always seem to know exactly what is my favorite
stanza in the poem and repeat it towards the end. I love your ability to make
such strong stanzas that they can fit everywhere in the poem, and never get old.
If you wrote a poem with just that stanza 10 times, it will still be amazing.

"Just like our nee to write is a fire of desire"

SO incredibly true. However, you missed a "d", right? :]

I love how you used a lot of the same words to use for rhyming
such as rejoice, voice, choice. Those are beautiful words that pieced
perfectly together.

"The reader will feel your every wound, as if their own,
They'll feel the night you wrote this when you were sitting alone"

These lines reminded me of you, actually. When reading some of your
sad poems, I can almost picture every single scene, and a scene of you sitting
alone in a comfortable place, frustrated, figuring out your thoughts. If not,
then I'm way off. But that is perfectly how I see it. Lol.

You have captured the essence of a poet magically. Every single word
of this has amazed me, wowed me. This is truly inspirational. I am going
to tell everyone in CCP that they have GOT to read this poem. You will surely
wind up being one of their new favorites.

This is going into my favorites. I can't get over the poem. It's..Wow.

If anyone gives you any crap about this, you better tell me, and tell me
who they are. I'll slap sense into them. If anyone finds anything remotely wrong
with this poem, they don't deserve to have the eyes to read.

Respect (15)
by ANB

commented by Britt ( F C D ) at 2007-05-17

I absolutely love the message behind this poem. Oh this is just amazing.

You started out saying Take, Give and Please three times. In the next stanza, had you gone with Love three times, that would have been great. Then ending it with the four words as the beginning of the last stanza. I thought thats where you were going, but maybe you hadn't noticed it. I do that *all* the time. :]]