Praised comments by debbylyn

Yesterday (9)
by Rachel RTVW

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-17

I love this poem Rachel...lol...though I am somewhat biased...I remember all of these things too and you as a beautiful ,curious , precocious child!

The rhyming flows nicely...though the line Nema highlighted may read better as

"Times have changed, feelings not
Some now gone, but none forgot"


Nicely done...very nostalgic...

Satin Sheets to Lie On (8)
by Lu

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-14

"Scent, Chanel No.5
faux perhaps, just like her Gucci
knock-off version of a lady
illusion Queen - she is"

^ This part is great...all about the deception...awesome comparison with the fake gucci!

"Slippery as the sheets
she LIES on
Reminder ?
A taunt ?
She was there, before me
today ..."

^ I like the LIES insertion...

"Grace, Dignity, Love
engraved upon satin sheets
Reminder !
Statement !
that I was there ...long before she"

^ great ending...so the lover's bedroom in this one was used by the cheat to bed his mistress and his wife? Interesting take on the subject...nice one Luanne!

Softly the Rain Falls (Rondeau) (27)
by Rachel RTVW

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-05

Beautiful verses of nature's renewal Rachel! You've done an excellent job on the Rondeau form!

"Softly, the rain falls, nature's tears
Nurturing life as it appears
A soothing, calming, welcome sound
As pitter patters meet the ground
The melody delights my ears"

^my favorite stanza...captures the beauty in listening to a soft rainfall! Well done!

Winds Of Change (18)
by Cindy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-21

First Cindy...congrats on placing in the conyest! You know I told you when you read it to me that it was a winner!

I love how the winds of change blow through each verse with the perfect flow of the circle of life....

"Winds of change blow once more
Motherhood she embraced
Filling a heart with unknown love
Finding herself in one small face"

^So precious that love of a mother for a child....this is so perfectly worded....that unknown love that sweeps in so unexpectedly to a young mother's heart....

"Winds of change blow once more
Life left shattered all alone
True love taken away too soon
Names engraved upon a stone"

^ and as the winds of change blow....so the circle of life closes to completion...such a sad verse....the imagery is heartbreaking.....

"Winds of change blow once more
For each death a new life starts
Hers has come full circle
New memories filling hearts"

^ and the circle completes to only begin again!

One of your best! Nicely done! Debbie

If Teardrops Never Fell (Monchielle) (14)
by Rachel RTVW

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-21

Rachel you have done a great job on the monchielle form!

"If teardrops never fell
I'd take my place instead
In the arms of sorrow
To drown in my regret
Wishing for tomorrow"

^ This verse stands out among the others as something special...it conveys such deep and heartfelt emotions....love the "arms of sorrow" insertion...and the wistful wishing last line where hope for tomorrow is hinted at...


"If teardrops never fell
I'd never speak my peace
My heart could never mourn
Or say a sad goodbye
If tears were never born "

^ nicely sums up the feelings of the whole piece...if sadness were not a part of us...would we then be able to feel the intense emotions of love and happiness?

Well done!

Heaven's Rainbow [Double Lento] (7)
by Lu

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-18

Well done on the Lento challenge! ...and a double to boot! This is a beautiful poem of Spring and all the images we associate with that beautiful season of rebirth...showers, new blossoms and a brief respite from Winter!

"Blooms slumber till morning dawn
Perfume scent casts a spell
Womb frozen in time reborn
Tomb of darkness bids farewell"

^love the Winter metaphors!!!

Great job! Taker care, Debbie

Carried On A Breeze ( Lento ) (11)
by Cindy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-17

You did an amazing job writing this Lento. The emotions carried in this piece are very moving. I can feel the longing for your love between the lines! You aced this form! The rhyming is great and the flow perfect! Sweet and romantic....Nicely done....

Fool's Gold (4)
by Dixiedaisy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-12

Kay this is a winner for sure.....I love the story and emotions. How often we overlook that homeless person without a thought to the circunstances that brought them to that point. The rhyming and flow are good...a little off in a few places, but it doesn't detract from the great word choices and the overall feelings invoked upon reading!

"A Gideons bible holds precious mementos
Pressed 'tween pages, one single red rose
A few photographs and a "Footprints" bookmark
Some pigeon feathers that were found in the park"
Well done! 5/5
^ Love these lines! Very unique and intensely heart wrenching1

Iridescent (13)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-12

First off...love the title! Then you lead right in to the rainbow reference...beautiful! The flow and rhyming is great....only loses it a bit in the last verse....

"Cast those demons from your head,
Learn to love once more,
Not just others, but yourself,
Like you did before."

^ I really like these lines...when life deals those hard blows...and we feel like we can never get up.....draw upon that inner strength to persevere! Sometimes self love is the most difficult of all...and the person we are the most hard on is within...

All in all a very well structured read...with a nice message! Well done....5/5

Love's What We Became (Song) (54)
by Italian Stallion

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-04

I can picture this as a slow romantic song with an acoustic guitar....

Where have you gone, I really miss you.
Wish you were here with me.
Soft gentle smiles never left me,
Words can't describe this feeling.

^the angst bleeds through in this verse....how a love can linger when the lover is absent

"Dreams I once dreamt of an angel,
Beautiful as one' can name.
Her soft tender voice whispered,
"Love's what we became."

^what a sweet dream...to see the one absent from your heart.... I like the flow and feel of this verse

"Here in the dark I sit and ponder,
Why do I still adore you?
Somehow I can't find an answer,
Still it's you I still love true. "

^ There is no rhyme or reason to love...why we choose to be captivated by a certain person....however I think the sorld still used 2 times in this verse doesn't quite fit...

All in all Joe, a very heartfelt spill...full of the longing and wishful dreams that romance is made of...as a song I believe it will be beautiful....take care....Debbie

Sleeping Child (6)
by Paralyzed

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-01

So very beautiful...that wonderous pure love of mother for child....when the act of watching breath, chest rising and falling, the faintest sighs....are the most overwhelming, all consuming, life altering events imaginable.

"The sweetest breath I've ever felt,
Whispers on my cheek,
The faint perfume of life in bloom,
Begs me not to speak."

^ perfectly phrased and descriptive.....love the "life in bloom" insertion. The greatest love I'd ever known....that I felt for each of my sweet babies in my arms....

I really enjoyed this ...one of the most simple, profound, emotive pieces I've come across in a while....very nicely written

The Edge Of Heaven (12)
by Cindy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

Beautifully sad lament Cindy....perfectly constructed to flow with imagery and emotion...

"The bricks of the house she escaped
Glinting like red blood in the sun
Like hers that had drained from her heart
The day she decided to run"

^You've put so much of yourself and your heart into these lines....I like how you've compared the bricks to the blood/heart.....walled in and constricted...the heart fails to thrive!


"Looking down upon the remnants
Blood soaked bricks begin to fade
Bright light enfolds her in warmth
Her dues on earth have been paid"

^When weary dayshave passed and the path leads to Heaven....what we all yearn for....well said!

Great entry for the challenge!

Black Ink (10)
by Lu

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

So much in this one Luanne....all the emotions and feelings of the poet/poetess when they try to release pent up feelings....I've sometimes wondered...why can't I seem to capture happiness, light and love in my words.....

"Words held captive, begging for release
as a naked canvas pleads for color.
Perhaps grassy hills and sunny skies,
will purge the ache in my heart.
Though ...
nothing brings relief, not even vibrant colors.
Slashes of sarcastic black, laugh at me now"

^love the imagery here.....trying for vibrancy...yet the soul only able to release the darkness....


"A new day ...
Pen in hand, ink pounds at the cage,
where pain and heartache dwell.
Wishing for the comfort of yellow ducks
and calm glistening waters to soothe
the insanity I feel overcoming me."

^ perfect....love the yellow ducks/calm glistening waters insertion.....what we all crave....yet some find find so elusive.....yet there is still an element of hope in this....

"Praying for the intoxication of serenity,
to rid my mind of ache.
Free my veins of this cold torture that
cascades sorely, with each beat.
~Sighs~
Maybe tomorrow, color will come."

^again I feel the hope for tomorrow...though today may be bleak....hope again speaks in this verse....

"Perhaps the darkness that looms upon my canvas
will suddenly transform into something, beautiful.
Or ...
Perhaps I will remain a poet caught in a web of
darkness, tears and solitude.
And ...
Perhaps the rain will never allow me to create
imagery of beautiful sunsets within a lover's arms.

And I will remain a caged poet,
peering out through the bars of my mind.
Scrawling on the walls with black ink ..."

^awesome ending....beautiful metaphors.....though hopeful in parts I feel there is deep anguish in the ending lines....a tortured heart that longs for love and happiness...like so many poets....caged...

Great job! A winner for sure! 5/5

Twisted Dreams (6)
by Poetess

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

Great write Liz! Love the dark story line....as if we were in that twisted mind....rhyme and flow perfect.....love it!

"He could feel her tiny body
under his white and sweaty sheets.
To the scent of her Barbie perfume
he held his pillow sound asleep."

^ You've added such great imagery...unique and spot on! A winner for sure!!!


All the best, Debbie

Evil Breeds (10)
by Cindy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-13

"Light thought to be found
Struggled to reach for years
Extinguished in minutes
Bringing back lost fears"

^We have to look beyond our fears to find what is real......beauty lies within the heart and soul and can't be extinguished by even the sharpest of tongues! I know how you feel....we love you! Great job on expressing you angst in verse!

Granddad (16)
by Deana

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-12

Beautiful Deana.....I believe it captures a perfect snapshot of old/ vs young.....excellent imagery....I can picture the old country homestead and the grandpa...reminds me of WV....lol

"Granddad, you old sleepy head!
Get up, we need to play today
A smile touched his lips, a side glance to heaven.
Maybe just a day or two more Lord."

^beautiful ending. Love the inspiration in this piece....great job!

Death OF Dreams (15)
by Cindy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-09

So sad Cindy....knowing how much you miss John everyminute of everyday...

The poem is very powerful and moving. I particularly like the imagery of this one...the smoke filled room, spinning, the hardened oak...great!

"Mind spinning out of control
Emptiness now all I feel
A shell of what use to be
Life has lost all it's appeal

Sitting in this smoke filled room
All alone with thoughts of you
Walls are closing in on me
Everything has come unglued"

^ love these two verses in particular...to me it captures the complete emptiness and loneliness left after losing someone so very precious.

Love, Debbie

Unreachable Dreams (Collab End Of Eternity) (12)
by Cindy

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

Wow...you two never cease to amaze me...once again you've effortlessly written as if it were one...you can tell how close you are by these verses....


"Years have passed being alone
Love simply never came my way
Tired of breathing without you
Praying you'll come with me to stay

Wrap me in your arms of love
Let our hearts now beat as one
Melting into passions kiss
Warmed by golden rays of sun"

^ So beautifully written....love the image of the golden sun warming the heart....

"Scared you will turn me away
Seems my heart will beat alone
My desires are all in vain
Watching my dreams turn to stone"

^This is the sad turn to love.....when doubts and fears come alive and harden the heart....well done you two!!!!

Unreachable Dreams (Collab With Cindy) (5)
by End Of Eternity

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

Wow...you two never cease to amaze me...once again you've effortlessly written as if it were one...you can tell how close you are by these verses....


"Years have passed being alone
Love simply never came my way
Tired of breathing without you
Praying you'll come with me to stay

Wrap me in your arms of love
Let our hearts now beat as one
Melting into passions kiss
Warmed by golden rays of sun"

^ So beautifully written....love the image of the golden sun warming the heart....

"Scared you will turn me away
Seems my heart will beat alone
My desires are all in vain
Watching my dreams turn to stone"

^This is the sad turn to love.....when doubts and fears come alive and harden the heart....well done you two!!!!

Threshold to Happiness (5)
by Lu

commented by debbylyn ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

^This one is so beautiful...perfect wedding day poem....I believe it captures those feelings held by those in love on that special day about to embark on a new journey together.

"My twin soul, I join my life with you today
wipe clean the canvas of past tribulations
paint our new life with colors of beauty
share in unison our greatest expectations"

^ I love this verse....two becoming one...forgetting all that has been and looking for a bright new future together! Great job Luanne...thanks for the entry!


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