Yesterday (13)
by Rachel RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-17
I love this poem Rachel...lol...though I am somewhat biased...I remember all of these things too and you as a beautiful ,curious , precocious child!
The rhyming flows nicely...though the line Nema highlighted may read better as
"Times have changed, feelings not
Some now gone, but none forgot"
Nicely done...very nostalgic...
Satin Sheets to Lie On (10)
by Luanne
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2009-03-14
"Scent, Chanel No.5
faux perhaps, just like her Gucci
knock-off version of a lady
illusion Queen - she is"
^ This part is great...all about the deception...awesome comparison with the fake gucci!
"Slippery as the sheets
she LIES on
Reminder ?
A taunt ?
She was there, before me
today ..."
^ I like the LIES insertion...
"Grace, Dignity, Love
engraved upon satin sheets
Reminder !
Statement !
that I was there ...long before she"
^ great ending...so the lover's bedroom in this one was used by the cheat to bed his mistress and his wife? Interesting take on the subject...nice one Luanne!
Poet of Misfortune #1 (9)
by Illuminati RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2009-03-13
Oh Alfred...I love your romantic verses about the soul of a poet...the angst of unrequited love is felt in every line...
"Yet, my love cannot be heard
From these faithful verses
For it is unutterable by
A Mortal Poet"
^Exactly! So hard to capture the feelings in words...beautifully stated!
"For there is nothing I mold
Can resemble you"
^ and how the poet tries...without success to capture his love in words and pictures....I love this line!
"Still I etch these whispering soul-tears
Into the empty pages of my life
For your existence has lit up my darkness
And I have become a bleeding pen
In Love's hand
Writing, night after night,
When you are a sleep
So when dawn welcomes your beauty
I can lay these verses at your feet
To let your eyes read about The One
You keep turning away from "
^the sadness and frustration of the poet bleeds from this verse...I love the way you've portrayed writing as a bleeding pen and the persistance of the writer ...
Nice job! Take care, Debbie
Kiss Me Goodbye (Rondeau) (6)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-06-08
Your new rondeau is nice......just a few suggestions...
in line one ..."from" is mispelled
"My longing of you has never waned "
^ would read better as "My longing for you has never waned"
"Erotic glimmer sparkling delight "
^ I feel that a comma should be inserted after glimmer....or make glimmer possessive as "glimmer's"
"That transcended into grievious plight "
^ The word "that" is unecessary in my opinion
"For two did Heaven never ordain "
^ This line doesn't quite work....maybe rephrase it....
Nice job on this very difficult form....enjoyed the imagery and emotions!
Softly the Rain Falls (Rondeau) (24)
by Rachel RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-06-05
Beautiful verses of nature's renewal Rachel! You've done an excellent job on the Rondeau form!
"Softly, the rain falls, nature's tears
Nurturing life as it appears
A soothing, calming, welcome sound
As pitter patters meet the ground
The melody delights my ears"
^my favorite stanza...captures the beauty in listening to a soft rainfall! Well done!
Death Hangs Over This House (11)
by Anna Stephens
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-24
Beautifully penned and hauntingly sad in it's spot on truths! I love the metaphors and word choices! Perfect!
"Family heirlooms on the mantel.
Yard sale tags all pre-attached.
Vultures make their daily circle.
Life and death seem here mismatched."
^ Sad but true...I've seen it so many times....what value to posessions when the void that's left cannot be filled with money or things....love the imagery of the vultures!
"No time left to reconsider.
Amends not made will never be.
Deeds by now have been recorded
And posted to eternity."
^Love this afterlife implication...and the need to appreciate the living....like my grandmother always said "Give me my flowers while I'm living!"
Nicely written Anna. Hope all goes well for your family....thoughts are with you....take care, Debbie
If Teardrops Never Fell (Monchielle) (18)
by Rachel RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-21
Rachel you have done a great job on the monchielle form!
"If teardrops never fell
I'd take my place instead
In the arms of sorrow
To drown in my regret
Wishing for tomorrow"
^ This verse stands out among the others as something special...it conveys such deep and heartfelt emotions....love the "arms of sorrow" insertion...and the wistful wishing last line where hope for tomorrow is hinted at...
"If teardrops never fell
I'd never speak my peace
My heart could never mourn
Or say a sad goodbye
If tears were never born "
^ nicely sums up the feelings of the whole piece...if sadness were not a part of us...would we then be able to feel the intense emotions of love and happiness?
Well done!
Winds Of Change (22)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-21
First Cindy...congrats on placing in the conyest! You know I told you when you read it to me that it was a winner!
I love how the winds of change blow through each verse with the perfect flow of the circle of life....
"Winds of change blow once more
Motherhood she embraced
Filling a heart with unknown love
Finding herself in one small face"
^So precious that love of a mother for a child....this is so perfectly worded....that unknown love that sweeps in so unexpectedly to a young mother's heart....
"Winds of change blow once more
Life left shattered all alone
True love taken away too soon
Names engraved upon a stone"
^ and as the winds of change blow....so the circle of life closes to completion...such a sad verse....the imagery is heartbreaking.....
"Winds of change blow once more
For each death a new life starts
Hers has come full circle
New memories filling hearts"
^ and the circle completes to only begin again!
One of your best! Nicely done! Debbie
Heaven's Rainbow [Double Lento] (9)
by Luanne
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-18
Well done on the Lento challenge! ...and a double to boot! This is a beautiful poem of Spring and all the images we associate with that beautiful season of rebirth...showers, new blossoms and a brief respite from Winter!
"Blooms slumber till morning dawn
Perfume scent casts a spell
Womb frozen in time reborn
Tomb of darkness bids farewell"
^love the Winter metaphors!!!
Great job! Taker care, Debbie
Summer's Longing (6)
by SnoWryTeR xiaoDan
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-18
Even though it's not technically a monchielle...it is very beautiful nonetheless! Love the imagery and wording!
The nature references are perfect!
"Summers longing a tender sigh
Never once whispered thine goodbye
As colored leaves begin their fall
And autumn breeze chills waiting heart
Grieving fool bides for next summers call"
^this is my favorite of the verses....how we long for summer to stay...and in a blink it seems the seasons are changing without notice...love the "grieving fool" insertion...
Take care, Debbie
The Way It Seems (22)
by billy rob
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-18
Wow! Awesome and beautiful tribute to a special someone that seems can only be written by a heart in love! Soft and soothing...beautifully romantic and brilliantly penned!
"I pinch my arm in dreams for I fear this is not true,
loving simple men like me ladies do not do.
My eyes will open up, so afraid it was a dream,
so I pray each morning it is the way it seems."
^I've felt just this way after being blessed with my true love! An amazing tribute to a special someone and a love poem of the utmost perfection! 5/5
Carried On A Breeze ( Lento ) (16)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-17
You did an amazing job writing this Lento. The emotions carried in this piece are very moving. I can feel the longing for your love between the lines! You aced this form! The rhyming is great and the flow perfect! Sweet and romantic....Nicely done....
Fool's Gold (8)
by Dixiedaisy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-12
Kay this is a winner for sure.....I love the story and emotions. How often we overlook that homeless person without a thought to the circunstances that brought them to that point. The rhyming and flow are good...a little off in a few places, but it doesn't detract from the great word choices and the overall feelings invoked upon reading!
"A Gideons bible holds precious mementos
Pressed 'tween pages, one single red rose
A few photographs and a "Footprints" bookmark
Some pigeon feathers that were found in the park"
Well done! 5/5
^ Love these lines! Very unique and intensely heart wrenching1
Iridescent (13)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-12
First off...love the title! Then you lead right in to the rainbow reference...beautiful! The flow and rhyming is great....only loses it a bit in the last verse....
"Cast those demons from your head,
Learn to love once more,
Not just others, but yourself,
Like you did before."
^ I really like these lines...when life deals those hard blows...and we feel like we can never get up.....draw upon that inner strength to persevere! Sometimes self love is the most difficult of all...and the person we are the most hard on is within...
All in all a very well structured read...with a nice message! Well done....5/5
Wishing You Were Here (15)
by billy rob
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-05
I can so relate to this one Rob...that ache and longing of being separated from a loved one either through death or many miles is pure agony to the heart that loves!
"For a moment I could smell your scent,
like your head was on my chest.
If only God would give back one day
I would let Him have the rest."
^ just one more day...how we wish for just that! reminds me of the Diamond Rio song One More Day...so beautiful
"You will always live inside me,
but how I miss you so.
I know the mountain you wait on,
I will be there before you go."
^ and still we hope for reunion...either here in this life or in the next....love will live on and on forever....
Love's What We Became (Song) (47)
by Italian Stallion
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-04
I can picture this as a slow romantic song with an acoustic guitar....
Where have you gone, I really miss you.
Wish you were here with me.
Soft gentle smiles never left me,
Words can't describe this feeling.
^the angst bleeds through in this verse....how a love can linger when the lover is absent
"Dreams I once dreamt of an angel,
Beautiful as one' can name.
Her soft tender voice whispered,
"Love's what we became."
^what a sweet dream...to see the one absent from your heart.... I like the flow and feel of this verse
"Here in the dark I sit and ponder,
Why do I still adore you?
Somehow I can't find an answer,
Still it's you I still love true. "
^ There is no rhyme or reason to love...why we choose to be captivated by a certain person....however I think the sorld still used 2 times in this verse doesn't quite fit...
All in all Joe, a very heartfelt spill...full of the longing and wishful dreams that romance is made of...as a song I believe it will be beautiful....take care....Debbie
Sleeping Child (7)
by Paralyzed
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-01
So very beautiful...that wonderous pure love of mother for child....when the act of watching breath, chest rising and falling, the faintest sighs....are the most overwhelming, all consuming, life altering events imaginable.
"The sweetest breath I've ever felt,
Whispers on my cheek,
The faint perfume of life in bloom,
Begs me not to speak."
^ perfectly phrased and descriptive.....love the "life in bloom" insertion. The greatest love I'd ever known....that I felt for each of my sweet babies in my arms....
I really enjoyed this ...one of the most simple, profound, emotive pieces I've come across in a while....very nicely written
Numbers**Disturbing (13)
by billy rob
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-01
Wow! Love this one! Very dark and sinister and so accurate in its portrayal of the sick and twisted mind of the serial killer....the rhyme and flow impeccable as always....and the imagery is amazing...
"He held a knife against her throat while he pulled her to the ground,
then told her to do whatever he said and not to make a sound.
When she began to cry and plead he looked at her and smiled,
he would kill the woman slow to pleasure himself awhile."
^ This verse is perfect and as the title says disturbing....great lead into the rest of the verses....hooks the reader with the emotion!
As always Rob, superb! 5/5 Debbie
The Edge Of Heaven (16)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-29
Beautifully sad lament Cindy....perfectly constructed to flow with imagery and emotion...
"The bricks of the house she escaped
Glinting like red blood in the sun
Like hers that had drained from her heart
The day she decided to run"
^You've put so much of yourself and your heart into these lines....I like how you've compared the bricks to the blood/heart.....walled in and constricted...the heart fails to thrive!
"Looking down upon the remnants
Blood soaked bricks begin to fade
Bright light enfolds her in warmth
Her dues on earth have been paid"
^When weary dayshave passed and the path leads to Heaven....what we all yearn for....well said!
Great entry for the challenge!
Being I (4)
by ddavidd
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-26
Oh i like this one.....very interesting imagery and word choices....
"And satisfaction,
Satisfaction is to live for!
To die for!
To embrace the consequences of
being I.....!!!!! "
^ Perfect! Some people have no thoughts of right or wrong...they are of the mind "if it feels good do it"...you've captured that in a very subtle way in this piece....interesting....
Butterfly 3 (3)
by ddavidd
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-26
I like this whole yin/yang feel....
can't fly because he can't walk...yet he can fly because he can't walk....
What makes us all special is our uniqueness...not being like everyone else...even though we may desire to be just that! Great job!
Twisted Dreams (8)
by Poetess
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-21
Great write Liz! Love the dark story line....as if we were in that twisted mind....rhyme and flow perfect.....love it!
"He could feel her tiny body
under his white and sweaty sheets.
To the scent of her Barbie perfume
he held his pillow sound asleep."
^ You've added such great imagery...unique and spot on! A winner for sure!!!
All the best, Debbie
Not Being What They Seem (15)
by billy rob
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-21
~Bravo~~clapping~ Wow Rob! Love this!
You have touched on so many things in this piece......and the ending?...well absolutely perfect!
"I woke up to look around my room
To find who was hiding there.
Then ashamed I bowed my head,
For God is everywhere."
^If only all those powers that be would realize this! You've aced this one.....5/5...another winner for sure! Take care, Debbie
Black Ink (13)
by Luanne
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-21
So much in this one Luanne....all the emotions and feelings of the poet/poetess when they try to release pent up feelings....I've sometimes wondered...why can't I seem to capture happiness, light and love in my words.....
"Words held captive, begging for release
as a naked canvas pleads for color.
Perhaps grassy hills and sunny skies,
will purge the ache in my heart.
Though ...
nothing brings relief, not even vibrant colors.
Slashes of sarcastic black, laugh at me now"
^love the imagery here.....trying for vibrancy...yet the soul only able to release the darkness....
"A new day ...
Pen in hand, ink pounds at the cage,
where pain and heartache dwell.
Wishing for the comfort of yellow ducks
and calm glistening waters to soothe
the insanity I feel overcoming me."
^ perfect....love the yellow ducks/calm glistening waters insertion.....what we all crave....yet some find find so elusive.....yet there is still an element of hope in this....
"Praying for the intoxication of serenity,
to rid my mind of ache.
Free my veins of this cold torture that
cascades sorely, with each beat.
~Sighs~
Maybe tomorrow, color will come."
^again I feel the hope for tomorrow...though today may be bleak....hope again speaks in this verse....
"Perhaps the darkness that looms upon my canvas
will suddenly transform into something, beautiful.
Or ...
Perhaps I will remain a poet caught in a web of
darkness, tears and solitude.
And ...
Perhaps the rain will never allow me to create
imagery of beautiful sunsets within a lover's arms.
And I will remain a caged poet,
peering out through the bars of my mind.
Scrawling on the walls with black ink ..."
^awesome ending....beautiful metaphors.....though hopeful in parts I feel there is deep anguish in the ending lines....a tortured heart that longs for love and happiness...like so many poets....caged...
Great job! A winner for sure! 5/5
Evil Breeds (12)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-13
"Light thought to be found
Struggled to reach for years
Extinguished in minutes
Bringing back lost fears"
^We have to look beyond our fears to find what is real......beauty lies within the heart and soul and can't be extinguished by even the sharpest of tongues! I know how you feel....we love you! Great job on expressing you angst in verse!
Granddad (20)
by Deana
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-12
Beautiful Deana.....I believe it captures a perfect snapshot of old/ vs young.....excellent imagery....I can picture the old country homestead and the grandpa...reminds me of WV....lol
"Granddad, you old sleepy head!
Get up, we need to play today
A smile touched his lips, a side glance to heaven.
Maybe just a day or two more Lord."
^beautiful ending. Love the inspiration in this piece....great job!
Death OF Dreams (18)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-09
So sad Cindy....knowing how much you miss John everyminute of everyday...
The poem is very powerful and moving. I particularly like the imagery of this one...the smoke filled room, spinning, the hardened oak...great!
"Mind spinning out of control
Emptiness now all I feel
A shell of what use to be
Life has lost all it's appeal
Sitting in this smoke filled room
All alone with thoughts of you
Walls are closing in on me
Everything has come unglued"
^ love these two verses in particular...to me it captures the complete emptiness and loneliness left after losing someone so very precious.
Love, Debbie
Threshold to Happiness (6)
by Luanne
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-08
^This one is so beautiful...perfect wedding day poem....I believe it captures those feelings held by those in love on that special day about to embark on a new journey together.
"My twin soul, I join my life with you today
wipe clean the canvas of past tribulations
paint our new life with colors of beauty
share in unison our greatest expectations"
^ I love this verse....two becoming one...forgetting all that has been and looking for a bright new future together! Great job Luanne...thanks for the entry!
Unreachable Dreams (Collab With Cindy) (5)
by End Of Eternity
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-08
Wow...you two never cease to amaze me...once again you've effortlessly written as if it were one...you can tell how close you are by these verses....
"Years have passed being alone
Love simply never came my way
Tired of breathing without you
Praying you'll come with me to stay
Wrap me in your arms of love
Let our hearts now beat as one
Melting into passions kiss
Warmed by golden rays of sun"
^ So beautifully written....love the image of the golden sun warming the heart....
"Scared you will turn me away
Seems my heart will beat alone
My desires are all in vain
Watching my dreams turn to stone"
^This is the sad turn to love.....when doubts and fears come alive and harden the heart....well done you two!!!!
Unreachable Dreams (Collab End Of Eternity) (16)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-08
Wow...you two never cease to amaze me...once again you've effortlessly written as if it were one...you can tell how close you are by these verses....
"Years have passed being alone
Love simply never came my way
Tired of breathing without you
Praying you'll come with me to stay
Wrap me in your arms of love
Let our hearts now beat as one
Melting into passions kiss
Warmed by golden rays of sun"
^ So beautifully written....love the image of the golden sun warming the heart....
"Scared you will turn me away
Seems my heart will beat alone
My desires are all in vain
Watching my dreams turn to stone"
^This is the sad turn to love.....when doubts and fears come alive and harden the heart....well done you two!!!!
The Carousel (13)
by Luanne
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-07
Very powerful and moving...love the carousel metaphor....
From the beginning to the end it captures and holds rapt the reader with intense emotions. I love the visuals of that small child on the carousel...that suddenly turns as the dark events alter and shadow the beauty of the ride....
"Just as the carousel, her life will keep turning
around and around in circles, memories churning
gripping shadows follow, on through the years
she marries, has children, and they too see the tears"
^Awesome ending......the pain endless and passed on in the tears to another generation....
Doesn't Matter (34)
by Rachel RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-03-15
I know what's behind this one....and you are absolutely in your thinking.....probably all down to Karma if you will....and there is no "fair" in life...
Well done as always...very thoughtful and intense....
"Tomorrow is never promised
Take each day to love and share
Even if you do your best
Doesn't matter, life's unfair "
^ So true....live in the moment.....for no one is promised tomorrow....Love you Rachel!
The eyes, confined (9)
by EoB
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-03-08
Love the flow and rhyming of this one....what I really love about your poetry....it begs to be read aloud!
"How content they would surrender,
where the daylight wars with night,
on a vast enflamed horizon,
to the rich and fiery light."
^ Beautiful metaphor......brilliant insertions: "daylight wars with night", and "enflamed horizon"
Enjoyed this one very much! Take care, Debbie
Our Love Will Have No End (28)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-03-08
Cindy....love the title...and it is so true...it will never end....and somewhere John is watching over you with that same beautiful love that two shared for so long.
"Standing outside the church
Remembering us saying I do
We were young and full of dreams
Promised forever me and you"
^and that is just what you have....a forever love....beautiful remembrance poem for this special day....Love you sis! Debbie
Delicate Hearts (18)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2008-02-14
So beautiful Cindy....just as your love for John is....a perfect Valentine! ....notice I said is...for it still lives...in every beautiful word you write and every memory you share, you honor that beautiful love you two shared!
I love the repetition of the first stanza as the ending verse....so romantic.....glad you were able to remember happier days this Valentine's day....something you'll always have...those beautiful memories....Love, Debbie
Upon Natures Path (14)
by Dixiedaisy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-28
What a brathtaking nature masterpiece!!!! This is beauty beyond words Kay!!!!
I love the imagery and word choices....
'The leaves of gold from autumn's tint
Had dyed their tresses lovely mint"
^ perfectly captures the fading Winter as the new fresh leaves emerge.....
"Velvet blades caught acorn tears
Solitary comfort through barren years"
^so.....beautiful...this couplet is amazing!
"Furry friends have come and gone
Spent seedlings they have feasted on"
^what a lovely way of wording this....I'm so in awe of this poem....
"Pinched myself to wake from sleep
To realize truth of masterpiece
For beauty of true nature lies
Not in your dreams, but in your eyes"
^...and in my eyes this is by far your best......awesome....beautiful perfect....a perfect 5/5 on any site!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!
Take care, Debbie
Last Good Time In Town (11)
by Dixiedaisy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
This takes me back to my high school days...good times with friends....reckless nights out, football games, wine and laughter....you've captured it so perfectly!
"Looking back now at how things used to be
Treasuring each friendship and every memory
Those were the good times, I've realized that now
Each and every night was the last good time in town"
Love where you took the title for the contest...so glad you entered. the rhyming is flawless the flow impeccable...and the images are ones I'm sure everyone can relate to....brings back fond memories!
Take care, Debbie
Living Without Your Love (15)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
Wow Cindy....you have written another very powerful poem of loss and longing....I believe many can relate whether through loss of a loved one because of death. or just separation....I know I can...
"Nothingness wraps around me
Blanketing my soul
Needing you to hold me
My life has become so cold"
^ love this verse....so sad and hauntingly beautiful...
Beautifully written, great rhyme and flow....Love, Debbie
Promises Of Tomorrow (16)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
Cindy...what a beautiful dedication to a beautiful friend....the love courses through your beautiful verses like a softly flowing river....the reader is carried along flawlessly through your beautiful rhyming and flow! Excellent in every way! Love, Debbie
Breaking Loose (2)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
This is perfect in every way...from the flow, and rhyming to the content and message...
I love the way the title ties into the ending line with such perfection....even though it's a sad poem it ends on that vision of better things ahead! love it!
"I thought I'd give it time to change,
But years have now passed by,
Still nothing found within your plan,
That screams out, you and I."
^ this sounds just like what I went through in the not too distant past....I'm sure this poem is one many can relate to on a very personal level....nicely done! Take care, Debbie
The Taste Of Ink (3)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
I love poetry about writing and the emotions that are poured into every line....these few lines convey the essence of a poet's soul....how every word put to page is from the depths of the heart and full of pure emotion....
For a freee verse...the flow is excellent and the message clear....love the ending!
"I am the pen,
My fire and passion,
The ink. "
^Awesome spill dear poetess! Take care, Debbie
Picture In A Frame (4)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
A reminder that althought the past is behind us...sometimes it does return to remind us of that which was lost and the lessons taught to make us who we have become today....
"Yet here I sit remembering,
That love so long ago,
One picture caused your memory,
To blanket me like snow."
^funny how those pictures serve as reminders good or bad of what once was....good to look and then move on....
Nicely written...flawless in rhyme and flow....a joy to read! Take care, Debbie
Hearts That Bleed (3)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
I love the message and rhythm and flow of this piece....it rolls along with perfection from beginning to end.
"A heart still beats,
When love does end,
You think it won't,
But it will mend."
^Trying to move on is so hard....but time does heal....beautiful phrasing...
"Though we bleed,
It proves we live,
And if we try,
We can forgive."
^Reminds me of that phrase...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...
Well thought out and to the point...a joy to read! Take care, Debbie
The Writer (1)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
Just love this one....like I said before the pieces about the art of poetry writing speak to me....you've captured it so beautifully in this amazing poem....
"Pieces of my soul,
Scattered on this sheet,
Moments where I faltered,
I felt incomplete.
Sometimes I wrote in happiness,
But pain, it flowed with ease,
No depths I could not reach,
When writing on my knees."
^so beautifully written....describes how the poet uses the depths of despair to pour forth on the page a beautiful creation....
This poem has everything to make it an outstanding read by any standards.. perfect rhyming, flow, message....just beautiful!
Take care, Debbie
Take Me Away (Trijan Refrain) (13)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-23
Beautifully written rendition of this very dificult form....love the message of hope carried throughout the lines.....
"My love please come take me away
Where pain no longer lives
Where colors are bright no longer gray
Our love we can relive
Waiting for you to come for me
Together the sun we can see
Waiting for you
Waiting for you
Praying for you my final plea"
^beautiful....and sad....yet the whole piece has a hopeful quality that makes me imagine heaven.....Well done! Love, Debbie
Blue. (11)
by BlueDreams
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
First of all.....perfect title....for the sadness runs throughout....
Nice rhyme scheme.....beautifully written. Though the flow becomes a little off in the concluding verses, I feel the emotional content is enough to carry the reader from beginning to end. Take care, Debbie
Abide in him and obey.. (7)
by paulsingh2005
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
Glad you're back writing Paul. you've written another beautiful poem of faith and love. I'm always sure when reading one of your poems about your love of God that it will be a spiritually uplifting experience for the reader.
"He is a god of of mercy, of love, and of all
that shall endure,
and, an everlasting life in heaven with him
we've been all assured."
^ I really like this verse....it's message of hope is very inspiring!
Well done my friend! Take care, Debbie
Dreamed There Was No War (9)
by Poetess
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
Liz this a very beautiful tribute to soldiers everywhere. If only the dream of "no war" were a reality. You've done a nice job on the title...and where you've taken verses.
From beginning to end this write captures the reader....tugs on the hearts of those who have loved ones that are or have been soldiers.....I absolutely love the last verse!
"This is for the fallen soldier,
who cried on the cold, hard floor.
Tonight he was a child again,
and he dreamed there was no war."
^haunting....well done!
Thanks for the contest entry....you've done a great job! Take care, Debbie
I believe this would make beautiful lyrics to a song....the words flow along so well....
Awesome the way you've followed a soldier from childhood....to the troublesome after effects that linger long after the soldier has left the war.
No More Cloudy Days (27)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
Cindy this so hauntingly beautiful I can feel the sadness and longing breathe through your lines. Although this is a sad poem....I know you have intended to end it on that ray of hope that you carry in your heart for John.
Very spiritual...
I love what you have done with the title for the contest and the rhyme and flow are impeccable.
"Light replaces longing
To set my soul at ease
Our reunited love
Is carried on a breeze"
^my favorite verse!....I can picture spirits soaring off to Heaven....just beautiful. Thanks for entering the contest....awesome job! Love, Debbie
It's Your World Now (4)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
Oh My do I love this poem! It has a beautiful lyrical quality that captures the reader and holds them to the end. Beautiful word usage and imagery along with impeccable flow and rhyme scheme makes this an excellent read.
"My world is somewhere out there,
So I must say goodbye,
A kiss upon your tender lips,
A tear falls from my eye."
^hauntingly sad....
"I thought I'd take you with me,
But you don't want to leave,
And now I question everything,
I ever did believe."
^this I feel speaks to everyone who has been in a relationship where over the years they drift apart.....
Awesome write....thanks for your beautiful entries in the contest....love where you took the titles! Take care, Debbie
Long Road Out Of Eden (3)
by Beautiful Chaos
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
Although a little short, I think you've created a fantastic little verse with the title.....great rhyme and flow and interesting content.
I love the whole Eve/serpent imagery and the ending lines are awesome.....
"Drink of sweet reason,
Please come to see,
The sins of your mother,
Belong not to thee. "
^love the way you've wrapped this up and thrown in a little Old English too....deep and powerful......nice job! Take care, Debbie
^
Angels (21)
by Ingrid de K
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-13
Very beautiful dedication Ingrid......it brings to mind a picture we had in our bedroom as kids.... of a guardian angel watching over two children....
If one has the fortune to find their soulmate in life they are indeed fortunate.
"Their search has come to an end
finally someone who understands
to attend to their comfort and needs
and cure their hearts that bleed"
^very uplifting ending....nice job! Take care, Debbie
Killing me softly (8)
by Bob Shank
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-12
This whole piece is rift with sadness and loss....beautifully written with amazing imagery. Something so disturbing about it.....leaves one with a great emptiness.....
"rose petaled hands caress my infant cheeks
soothing echoes from memory speak
of whispered lullabys about the moon
while fragmented winds carried thy tune"
^oh how this verse makes me cry for all the children who have had and lost the love of a parent......really depresses me....my grandfather was orphaned at age 11 and shuttled from family to family....I found out after he died and I cry inside for that little boy that he was....makes me want to have him back and give him a hug.
"yet the air is stale
and the stench is costly
my soul erodes
killing me softly"
^you do write some powerful stuff Bob!.......you never fail to make me think, make me cry, or make me throw up my hands in the air in disbelief!....what good poetry is all about! Love it! Take care, Debbie
Only If I Could Rewind (17)
by End Of Eternity
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-12
This a beautifully sad write from you Nitin. I love all the feelings these words invoke. From the breathtaking opening with childhood, roses and pictures of a warm beach:
"Feeling roses for the first time
Like a child lying on sand
Feeling love for the first time
With the touch of your hand"
^ this is touching....brings back childhood memories of a first love, innocence and heart's soaring to heights of new emotions.
You take the reader on a journey through love, betrayal and loss in a few well crafted verses that are impeccably rhymed .
Awesome write my friend....so good to see a solo effort....Bravo! Take care, Debbie
Faith (5)
by ben thompson
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-12
Ben this is a beautiful poem of faith and encouragement. I am so glad to see something out of your usual dark genre.
I like the rhyme scheme and word choices that follow along to end with a ray of hope.
"It's trying to teach your tiny children
To always do whats right
Even while outside
Futures dark as night"
^ Hard to choose a favorite verse....but being a parent this particular one really got to me.....it's so hard to teach morals and values when all around there are temptations and immorality.
I enjoy all your poems....never know to what to expect! Keep writing! Love, Debbie
Unforgettable Serendib (3)
by Lithium
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-12
Your words to a very talented writer mean so much to those of us who enjoyed reading Serendib's beautiful nature poems....no one else gave such beauty to things around us in the world everyday. He even made snakes seem somehow beautiful!
"Your poetry touched my heart more than once,
You brought me up when I felt down,
Your simple words filled me with joy,
When I was lost it was your words I found,"
^ This says it all....Serendib will be missed here on P&Q and you have written a very touching rememberance friendship poem....well done! Take care, Debbie
Shadows Of Lost Memories (10)
by billy rob
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-12
What a sad and heartwrenching tale. You are able to take the reader on a journey into a wide range of emotions with your words.
Everyone has a story....and we must learn to tolerate and not judge on appearances only....we all have our cross to bear.
"Last night he almost saw their faces,
as he heard them call his name.
Then came dawn's light, taking them away,
playing over the same cruel game."
^What sad lines.......the whole piece moved me .....you've created another wonderful poem with great flow and rhyming that I'm sure will give many pause to think. Take care, Debbie
Clear as day (6)
by Bob Shank
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-12
Bob this one of my favorites by you by far! Nice tight rhyme scheme, impecable flow and just the right placement of Old English to give it that flair that I love! Wonderfully dark and tragic!
"yet loneliness fills a desires plate
tis the companion of Poe's fate
lips sparkled of potent ale
lovely neck a shade too pale"
^This verse is my favorite....I know how you love Poe and you managed to insert him in effortlessly...
your word choices and couplets are well thought our and powerful....
"empty bottles of friendship lied
drunken souls hang head to side"
^great! Outstanding effort...flawless! Take care, Debbie
Replaced (17)
by Alvaro
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-10
Bravo! This an awesome write from you. I love the way you've incorporated writers block into the piece and the power of love and friendship upon the inner aspects of the soul...
"A shrug, a shove, rolling past my soul
A whisper of truth, of a pen at ease
Unlawful death for darken dreams
She was my awakening
The little hum that sung in my solitude
Rupture these walls with our secrets"
Beautiful ending lines......hope that little hum becomes a powerful serenade!
Cold And Gray Is The Stone (19)
by Cindy
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-11-08
Cindy this is beautiful....the repetition of the first line in each stanza gives it a haunting melodic quality. All the sadness and emotion emanates from each line.
Cold and gray is the stone
That sits upon the hill
Waiting for lovers to reunite
As destinies fulfilled
^ perfect ending....with a hint of hope without being morose. Bravo! Love, Debbie
When you are in need of Love (7)
by Illuminati RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-07-15
This is so beautiful....full of awesome lyrical verse....so many great lines.....soooo breathtaking to read and imagine....
When the wind of loneliness
Brushes upon your tender existence
And the city lights like ice-river
Running through a slaughter of Violets
To wax those brilliant eyes blind
With ebony tides of sadness,
^beautiful....sad.....romantic
Absolutely glorious ending.....
Love will share itself with us
And we will feel the warmth of our tears
As we lock our hands together
Lips to lips,
Lover to beloved,
Tasting the silver dust of tomorrow....
^~sigh~....perfection itself......you stand alone among love poets on this site!
Beginning of the end... 1st part (7)
by Illuminati RTVW
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-09
Beautifully sad...hauntingly romantic....a joy to read, with awesome metaphors.
"Cracks on the wall have grown too long
letting me watch the twilight crawling through
to become a reminder of your smile "
^ I find these lines so sad...sleepless nights...lingering visions of a lover's smile...
"And as your brilliance lingers on the lips of Dullness
in the ocean of crystallized drips of emptiness
my voice forging with numbness."
^No words to describe...I picture one so despondent over loss that even the poet's pen is at a loss to capture the depths of despair felt in the soul...the word form falls short.
The ending lines are perfect....that which we all seek...a love to fill in our missing pieces...
"the lost pieces
of Love's incomplete puzzle"
Brilliant and so filled with longing....loved it! All the best, Debbie 5/5
A Pain Deep Within (12)
by Italian Stallion
commented by
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-27
Joe, This is so true....we look around to see so much suffering and realize our problems pale in comparison to others. I liked how you started the first verse with your pain and moved through the poem to the last verse where you stated:
Everyday I see someone worse off
I feel ripped apart inside myself
All my complaints about life
Seem to just vanish compared to these individuals
Nicely done! Debbie
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