Praised comments by Melpomene

Chasing Paper Rainbows (15)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-10-18

I am actually speechless with this piece Lu, I am amazed about how beautiful you wrote this. I must say, in my eyes your poetry just improves and improves. What an elegant and beautiful piece. Although i'm speechless i'm going to attempt to leave you a comment on this poem anyway.

I loved how you created this structure, it's different from you and honestly you did it really well. The opening line was wonderful, it really draws the reader in because of the tone you used and the emotion behind it.

Lu, I havn't written in a long time now and you made me want to write, this poem was inspiring to me because of how amazing it was.

I adored this:
"when your tongue -
caught fire
and burnt my soul."

The darkness of these three lines was interesting. You made me create imagery into my mind,to paint a picture with your words.

The first stanza is definitly a favorite, you opened the poems up perfectly, it was some what relaxing with the tone. However I also found the third stanza to be clever. The contrast between the sun and pain is a beautiful context. I also like the thought of paper rainbows. It's unique.

You ended the poem nicely everthing fitted together. I liked the irony in the last few lines. Love and hate contrasted together.

Overall Lu, I loved this. One of the most amazing poems I have read in a long time. Well done. -Mel

Self Placatory (3)
by L e n o r e

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-10-15

Cass,
I havn't been able to get much reading in, and shamefully commenting aswell but I have to tell you how much I adore this piece. Usually it fustrates me to all ends when "I" is not capitalized but while reading this poem I forgot all about it. I adored the messy structure of the poem, it added to the fact that the person in this poem, wether yourself or not mind is all over the place. Confusion. Very effective.

"that is why i
always stumble again
back through
the streetlights and ribbony nights
back to my bed
stroke your blank name
upon the blank canvas of my heart
and let the soundless dreams
wash them away"

This is my favorite stanza, all the rest were great but I believe you went the extra mile in this stanza because the emotion was beautifully raw to me. You honestly hit an emotional heart string for me in this staza, the whole poem as a matter of fact and that is hard as I don't get very emotional while reading. You know what it was though, the tone, I felt so relaxed while reading this piece. It's like you swept me off into a dream state picturing this in my mind.

The only part that didn't fit a little bit in m opinion was
"that you would anytime now
knock"

I think it needs to be changed around a bit. Such as "Knock anytime now" or something to help it flow better. But hey it's your poem, I would never insist on changing anything in your writing only help you to grow.

Well done Cass, this is a favorite poem by you. Loved it.
-Mel

Rise (16)
by L e n o r e

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-23

Cass,


This is the third time i've read this piece and I want to say well done. I voted for this poem in the weekly contest as it was just amazing. I havn't been able to comment much lately as I've been overly busy so i'm sorry it has taken me awhile to get to your poem. Congrats on the win also.

First of all I want to say that I found your imagery superb. It was so beautiful to me and when you entwined it with the vivid discription it made me want to melt. Usually I can be a touch critique when it comes to a life poem but for some reason I fell deeply into this.

"the black language of my sentiments"

I loved this line. I read somewhere above someone saying to change the word black. Usually I would agree with them but not this time as I feel as though it fits perfectly here. when I read that line I feel this dark mystery, this chalky charcoal feeling. I know I seem strange by saying that and I am usually quite strange when it comes to commenting on poetry but I hope you understand what I mean. I just feel as though the word black because of its darkness behind it and the way it is said slots in nicely within that line.

"Crush the mosaic of grievances"

I also adored this line as it reminded me of charcoal hearts for some strange reason. Maybe because i'm fond of writing about charcoal hearts in my poetry and how easily they deterioate.

Overall I enjoyed reading this piece. Everything about it was spot on in my opinion. You hit the nail on the head. Well done on writing a magnificant poem.

-Mel

The Wonder That Was You (8)
by L e n o r e

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-25

Cassidy,

I've read quite a few of your older pieces, although from what i'm seeing with your new ones I believe I am enjoying them more. Your writing has gotten stronger, and i'm actually quite disapointed that I havn't read anything of yours in quite awhile. I'll try my best today to catch up on your poems while I'm free.

You know, I really enjoyed this piece although I have one piece of critism which isn't major but I thought i'd share it with you in order to state my opinion. My only critism is that from the second line I was aware of what this poem was about, not that that is a bad thing, I just feel as though if you didn't mention the headstone straight away it would of held more mystery and grasped attention a little more.

One thing I will admit though, you definitly had the emotion in this poem and I believe that is due to your excellent choice in wording. I'm fond of your word choice as it really allow the audience to feel with you while creating such an interesting image into the mind.

"and I feel like

a widow weaving yarns of despair
as she sits there in her labyrinth"

For some reason those lines were true beauty to me, infact they were touching and heartfelt. The sorrow which I felt while reading it was incredible. I liked the metaphor "weaving yarns of despair" Interesting and clever.

"seeing starlight on a starless night"

I'm also very fond of this line, It was quite imagitive. Proberly my favorite line within the whole poem. While it seems impossible to be starlight on a starless night my imagination is with you on that, possibly you were intending for it to be starlight coming from something/someone else who is a star in your eyes. I get the feeling this relate to a possible relative in a way just because you mention being a child so a family member could be your shining star.

Overall Cassidy this was an excellent piece in my opinion. I definitly enjoyed the read.
Well done. -Mel

Cathartic Bliss. (5)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-16

Bliss, it's been awhile since i've headed over to your pages, and i'm sorry about that but life definitly does take up alot of times these days. I just want to make one comment to you, I actually adored this piece while reading it, you know why? because of the style. I see you have learnt alot since I last read some of your pieces and I'm impressed that this piece wasn't a love poem. You wrote something different here, I liked it alot.

"With life's paintbrush
I sketch a distant love story
On a blank canvas
Each stroke infusing it with
Unspoken desires and
Unfulfilled fantasies"

You know, I loved this stanza, although as a practicing artist, one thing didn't fit into this piece. You wrote paintbrush in the first line, but yet in the second you wrote sketch, therefor when you sum it up your saying that the paintbrush sketched, and that doesn't go together to well to me. Sketched is too much of a harsh word for a paint brush in my opinion, and a paintbrush doesn't actaully sketch. A paintbrush is smoothe and glides with ease. The only thing that I think needs to be changed in that stanza is the word sketched.

"Cyclone...
Unpredictable yet fascinating
Like the urge to whisper my secrets
And gaze as it sways with the breeze"

I'm really fond of this stanza. The tone you wrote it in was quite elegant in my opinion. I also found how you used something dangerous and yet you describe it as fascinating, reminds me of me, i'm fascinated by the slight dangers that lurk. I loved that though, it worked well. The whole stanza worked well and in fact it was quite the beautiful opening.

"cathartic" -I love this word by the way. Well done with using some different that we as readers don't see in poetry every day.

I felt the last stanza wasn't as strong as it could of been though for some reason. I can't really put my finger on it. Perhaps because the stanzas before were alot stronger then the last one. I only really enjoyed the one word "cathartic" I felt that was the only strong point, I'm not really into the word bliss, I like it as your name but I feel as though it is too over used in poetry. That's just my personal opinion though.

Overall an enjoyable piece. It was good to come to your page and see something fresh and different. Well done for trying new things. -Mel

Believe (Etheree) (12)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-13

Luanne,

I've told you before how much I adore ethree's and this one didn't disapoint me what so ever. I loved how you combined a poem that has alot of inspirational truths and wisdom into a style such as this one.

"along forked paths"

You know when I read the line above, to me it reminded me of Robert Frosts poem "A road not taken" simply because you talk about divided passages you can travel within life and I liked that meaning. It is an effective one. Although as I read on I realized that the topic you are writing about is much more wider. You expand by making it somewhat of a religous piece by mentioning heaven because if you have a belief of heaven you obviously have a belief of religon.

I loved the fact you mentioned temptation, we in life are always tempted by certain things that try and drag us in the wrong direction, this piece to me could also symbolise Heaven and Hell. Two seperate paths altough we must choose to travel one. Good or bad. I liked the the use of juxtaposition, very clever.

The syllable count seems to be spot on to me and I must mention I liked your choice in words. Simple yet so effective. They really grasped my attention as they held such wisdom and beauty.

"death need not be feared but understood"

By far my favorite line as I actually thing that myself. So many people fear death, and it is common, but it shouldn't be. As something beautiful awaits you in the future.

I loved this ethree very much Lu.
Well done.
-Mel

Warrior Watchcat (10)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-26

Luanne,

First of all I want to say thanks for having a go at this challange. I know that you didn't know much about mythology and i'm glad you had a try. By reading this piece I can tell that you really have learnt about Bes and i'm sure you are teaching people along the way. This was a truely fantastic read and spot on about Bes. Well done.


"God of war, lion-like and ferocious
standing boldly to slay-
beasts that roam with forked-tongue."

I loved how you started this piece with the description of Bes. You started by initally introducing Bes as the God of War and then went on to describe his features. I loved how you represent Bes as a lion, that was wonderful in my opinion. Indeed the way he was described is exactly like a lion with a tongue that was forked like a snake. Well done of portraying some interesting imagery here. I adored it.

"Woe shall come upon evil spirits
by the sword that pierces darkness ..."

Here, I love how you portray how Bes is a God who defends good here and slays evil. You make your reader aware of what Bes is God of. I believe you are teaching within every line of this piece.

"He shall -
Protect unborn souls
from nefarious smog that lingers
deep and ugly. Guarding the fertility
bed for those weak in fruitfulness."

Here you portray Bes and his protection to mother and children. I like how you reinforce his connection to what his beliefs are. You make the audience understand Bes, and you made me see him on a whole new level. Again I love the word choice, you wrote a piece to me that could be in a mythology book describing Bes.

"Gentle lion-
To man of pure air.
Destructive roar-
To man of wickedness."

The lines above then show a beautiful side of Bes, how he also protects, but not only that. You show Bes as a lion yet again to show his beauty which lay gently within his hearts. Lions are seen as vicious but they are only that way in order to protect themselves, and family and to survive. You show not only that they have a lovely side, and are one of the most beautiful creatures in the world, but you show this about bes too.


"Let not the eye be blinded by shock!
Beneath the tunic, shield and sword. ,
beats the heart-
of a Warrior Watchcat."


I loved this stanza, expecially the first line because Bes was not the most beautiful God created in my eye and when I look at him I think how could he possibly of been a God. In my opinion he doesn't have the beauty the Greek Gods have ect but deep down he has a beautiful heart. He is a protector of children and rids the world of evil. The whole last line was a beautiful stanza to him. It shows appreciation. Not to mention your word choice was actually elegant in itself. You made Bes seem like such a wonderful person. I believe you have portrayed him perfectly.

Overall this was such a fantastic read. I loved everything from your description to your metaphors. Excellent write and an amazing read. Well done. -Mel

Smoke Rings in the Dark (19)
by Norhan

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-26

Norhan,

Where to start with this piece. I absolutely adored it. I just want to say congrats on the win, this was definitly deserving. You know i've come to adore your poetry, also the other piece that you wrote that won was a favorite of mine. You have been writing so elegantly and this piece is definitly an example of this. I thought that the way you wrote each line was filled with so much innocence and to me that made this piece breath taking. You know I loved the imagery you created here. For some reason I literally could see smoke floating across a redish pink background. It was pretty stunning and also for some reason created a very steamy feel over the atmosphere.


"- like
smoke rings-"

I adored that. Just the way you have written it is so elegant. The format of this piece added to the elegance. I felt as though this poem could be read in a whisper and it would still created such a sexy and elegant feeling. Again, the imagery like I said above though foggy smoke rings I could picture of such a warm background. Floating over the water or something along those lines. Breath taking.

"touching the fringes of
the invisible,
and painting their way into
the ebony of
the night"

Those lines to me are also wonderful. They give a sense of loss but at the same time they drag you in if you know what I mean. Imagery was so beautiful yet again I see these smoke rings painted into my mind over and over with two people held underneath them in a long embrace. In love. Nicely written.


"-a memory caught in
glass-"

To me this was really clever. I think you let your imagination run wild in this poem. To me it was simple and yet so complex the feelings you allowed me to portray through each line you wrote. I picture here a crystal ball filled with smokey memories. I don't know what made you think of that line but it was amazing. Love your cleverness here. It was definitly shown.

I believe you worked brilliantly with this title. Definitly interesting. You picked a good one.

"clinging to a cord
which have been
worn thin"

I actually thought the alliteration within these lines was great. It reminded me of a piece of silk that is slowly fraying but still coiled like a snake. I liked the meaning within these lines. How you have been apart for so long the pain has been so bad that it has frayed your hope but yet you hold on to the last strand in hopes oh his return. Well that's how I just imagine it anyway.

I also loved this line.

"-a mummified falcon-"

I know in Egypt the falcon is a symbol for rising sun, it is also a symbol for many other things in different cultures. If it is the Egyptian meaning I think it works well into the poem. It's beautiful and created a sense of hope in my opinion.

Overal Nor this was an excellent piece. You write so well in english and create amazing poems. Well done. -Mel

Shadows of Eternity (4)
by Mer Divinity

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-23

Bri,

I've read a most of your pieces now, and I honestly really liked this piece. You know you wrote about the feelings of eternity and yet to me this was so much more. You not only told a story within your work you made me relive it through your words. It was interesting.

The only thing that was rocky in this piece was the flow, I found it to be jumpy in some places I think that is due to the way you write. You write so sophisticated that the flow loses focus. It's a good thing to focus on your word choice and make a piece sound elegant but if the flow begins to slide it can loose it's beauty. Believe me I can relate to this, that is the most trouble I have in my poetry. My flow slides due to my word choice.

You know when I read some parts of this poem it reminded me of a song, expecially the parts which consisted of "Come back to me". It reminded me of such a strong yearning that one feels when they lose themselves. I found that people would be able to relate to this because it holds many different reasons behind eternity aswell as the feelings of loss. Although this piece is obviously pointing into the direction of life after death I get other feelings from it. You have used metaphors in order to construct this well.

"There's something in the shadows of eternity,
Staring at me with such ebony eyes,
And it won't go away, so we need light -"

My favorite lines were the first few, they really drew in my attention. I liked them very much.

Overall a lovely read. Well done. -Mel

Larva (5)
by DarkSpirit

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-06

Nix, congrats on the win. Doesn't it feel good to come back on the site and write a new poem and get a win. It was definitly well deserved.

I'd also like to say thank you for the comment you left upon my poem. It was really good to see you back again i've missed your writing. It has always been a favorite of mine and I hope you still know that.

You know the meaning of this piece was definitly complemented by the metaphors you created. You've always been wonderful with the creativity which allows people to enter into your mind. The meaning within this poem was definitly one of the best I have read by you, although not the best piece as I'm still caught up in the love poem you wrote. It is my favorite.

"Life is the island,
and death is the ocean."

These lines above really caught my interest. I like the fact that I felt as though you were surrounded by sea and the whole safe haven you have is the island you are on, although you feel confined here and long to be somewhere else but the ocean which is death is in your way and wont let you have your freedom. Quite clever in my opinion.

Honestly though I really canno't pick a favorite part of this, although I did adore the second and third stanza more then the first, I'm not really sure why I just felt as though they held so much beauty.

"Human art is to transform
emotion
into the corpse.

Godlike art is to transform
a corpse
into the emotion. "

I adored the lines above aswell. That really captured my attention. The meaning behind it was absolutely beautiful and I felt as though it grasped onto my heart aswell as my mind.

Overall Nix, this was an excellent piece of poetry. I loved it. Again, congrats on the win.

-Mel

A Touch Of Magic (2)
by Italian Stallion

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-06

Joe,

First of all i'd like to say thank you for commenting on my piece, I do appreciate it muchly. Although i'm sure the first line of my haiku has 5 syllables. None the less thanks for the piece, and if infact you are right then thanks for noticing my mistake.

Now onto the poem.

This piece had quite a postitive effect. I felt as though when I was reading this you were quite cheerful and bubbly whilst writing this. The wording seemed to just bounce off one and other in order to create a unique effect.

I liked the retorical questions you used throughout this piece. It was interesting. The whole poem was original in my opinion, you used music as a portal and it really worked. While reading this I felt as though this could be read to children as quite a beautiful poem. Due to the uprising feeling it gives you while reading.

"
How cheerful - to be - Music!
How divine - like a Rose -"

I actually really liked the lines above, expecially the second one although I feel as though they complemented each other quite beautifully together. You entwined beauty with music in this piece and created a wonderful piece.

Well done, an enjoyable read.
-Mel

Spring Bubbles (Etheree) (7)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-05

Luanne,

I'm a fan of Etheree and when I read this piece you reminded me that I have a love for them. I got tired of reading them because the ones i've been reading lately always seem to have an off balance flow but not this one. Thank you for showing me the joy of reading an Etheree once again.

The imagery you used was so lovely. You created some unique pictures into my mind. Alot of nature poems focus on the same things. Flowers for example and you seem to read about colours and how they sit so still ect. Not you, you created something totally different and I truely adored this. I felt like I was a child following the leaves as they entered into a field watching such beauty. You really intrigued me here.

"serene winds blow kisses
of passion on timid leaves"

These were by far my favorite lines of your poem. Wonderfully written with so much passion for nature.

Overall this was a lovely poem. Well done. -Mel

Birds Eye View (12)
by Side Effects

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-30

You mentioned in your post not to point out gramical errors within the poem and I respect that. I'll focus more on the emotion instead and how it made me feel with honest constructive critism as I noticed gramical errors have already been pointed out to you anyways.

I'm not usually a fan of rhyme poetry simply because I feel as though it doesn't always allow us to show our true emotions as we are too busy trying to figure out a rhyme even when it's natural it can sound forced. Although I did like your rhyme scheme because not alot of people do create one in this format. So well done for trying some different.

The meaning behind this poem was optimistic, I did like how you placed a leson to learn within it. Maybe it will help people who read this. Aswell as helping you.

The only thing that I really want to comment on is your word choice and how you word things. I was taught that in order to create emotions you should not only put your heart and soul into a piece of poetry but work out how to word things accordingly. For example you used the word pain. I believe you could of found many more powerful words in order to create more feeling. Yes, you did create feeling and i'm sure alot of people have felt it while reading this but me I struggle to feel emotion while reading someone elses poetry and few people on this site are able to touch my heart.

The structure was good, the rhyme was fine, even though like I said above it's not my thing. The emotion was ok but in my opinion I believe it could be a little stronger. But eachs own opinion right? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the meaning and I want to say well done for the effort and heart you did put into this poem, I can tell it would mean alot to you and your heart, it just didn't reach mine.

Overall a nice read.
-Mel

Fuck You Too Whore (1)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-25

Lol, Jen, Where to start darl. I wasn't in the mood to read a love poem, most of yours seem to be that way and i'm really glad that you and Andy are going really well. It puts a smile to my face. I laughed when I seen this title amongst all the love poems. It was interesting and really caught my attention. I'm guessing I know exactly who this is about? Like i've told you before, you don't need people like that in your life. You do have me after all. =] Now onto the poem itself.

I'm not really fond of the words "slag" and "user" ect being used in poetry. It's just not my thing, but i'm guessing that's because I don't use them in life myself. But I know you and they go with your style of poetry so it did fit in well. I liked the sarcasm you used, you generally pull that off nicely but I wanted more! I see this was more anger then anything and i'm glad you let off some steam within this.

The only thing that I would change within this poem is the use of punctuation. That would help the flow a little better, but I also know that when you are venting most people tend not to worry about punctuation and they are letting it all out. Also I wouldn't have capitalized words throughout it but that's just my opinion.

Loved the long lines, I know it was something both you and I adored, I havn't written long lined poetry in ages so you've inspired me to do so once again. I also liked the use of every day language you wrote this as though you were talking directly to these people so it was easy to understand.

Overall I enjoyed reading a piece from you. It's been too long since i've left a comment on your pieces but I do read whenever I get the chance. Well done. Keep writing. -Mel

Love loss shametrain (acrostic) (3)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-02

John,
ah. It's been awhile since i've commented on your pieces. First of all I want to say i'm sorry. Life has gotten a hold on me and wont let go. Secondly I want to tell you that I have been reading whenever I get the chance and this piece here was definitly a favorite by you. I have to stop telling you which is my favorite, because I tend to do it each time I read a new piece by you, but again, I always find another to add to my list. Your poetry amazes me.

It's interesting to see a poetry style by you, you don't write them often but to me with this it shows that when you do, you write them with so much emotion. I'll definitly be hoping to see more acrostics written by you. This grasped onto my attention and really made me think aswell as fill with emotion. That's what I love most about your work. The emotion you portray within each line.

I get some much from this poem. To me the meaning changes. You have the basic of someone dying and you living without her like the acrostic says but to me this goes deeper then just death for some reason. I believe it's the emotion you portray. Somehow I feel as though death is a metaphor for how you feel without her. Like you've pushed her away because she has asked you to or something similar. Sorry if I'm completely off track with this one but to me that's how it seems to be. Either way any interpratation I get of this piece they all make sense to me and are all wonderfully written.

John, this was definitly an amazing read. I'm not going to pick a favorite line from this as they are all my favorites. Each is emersed with such emotion that I don't feel the need to pick apart a line when they all go beautifully together.

Well done.
-Mel

Revelation (4)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-27

It's been far too long since i've dropped by this page, simply because life has grabbed hold of me and had me in a spin. But, i'm here now and I just want to say thank you for the comments you have left upon my poetry while i've been about pondering. It means alot to me.

Well, I was suprised to see this in the explict section, and when I first started reading this piece I wasn't sure how it fitted here. As I read futher on I see why, but to me this still doesn't seem explict. More like beauty in my opinion.

Society's in coma,
so why don't we write
our own guides to extinction?

I loved the lines above, to me the flow seemed just a tiny touch off compared to the rest of the poem but that didn't effect the strong and capturing meaning those lines left within my mind. It is true by what's going on in society/ the world we are doing a fine job at extincting ourselves seeing as wwe are stuck in a coma completely unaware of how to undo what we are doing this world.

I liked your use of alliteration throughout this poem, you used it quite a few times and it was really effective expecially in the words bellow.

"the blood won't boil
before the baleful tongues"

The 'b' sounding words were quite harsh sounding in my opinion and it really related to the meaning and wording you used within those lines.

Your choice of words as always were vivid. You created a great sense of imagery through them which really helped to portray your point to the audience. I feel as though you have captured many of my thoughts to do with society and I have many interpretations of this piece.

To me when you say society is in a coma could also be that people have no personality, that when you have a conversation with them to you they are brain dead because they talk about the most ridiculous things.

"Butterflies, at least, have personalities."

The line above lines what I said above that together nicely. I adored that line and found the simplicity within it beautiful.

Overall this was a wonderful poem. Well done.
-Mel

Your Stories, My Alibis (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-27

Again, where to start on this piece. I adored it. I can tell you thank much. I find your short poems to be remarkable as you don't need alot of lines to get your point across to the audience, you do this simply with the emotion you etched into the words and this definitly created that within my heart. I believe if you made this piece any longer it just wouldn't have the same feeling as it does, the ending created some kind of line which hooked all of the lines together although it had quite huge impact on me.

I loved the use of dynamite in the first line, it's a common word amongst people but rarely do I see it within poetry, and yes your words are definitly made out of dynamite. They create an explosive feeling over the readers throughts. I feel as though this poem somehow relates to a broken relationship. Deciete maybe even?. You talk about the beginning of a fairytale and yet somehow the fairytale seems to of been turned bad by someone wickid in your opinion, as they are portrayed with ice lips. You mention the word lust so that it also why I believe this poem touches on the topic of betrayal.

Honestly, Nyell. I cannot pick a favorite part of this poem as all the lines really connect together to create this piece. Pulling one out and saying it's my favorite may collapse this beautiful piece in my opinion. Overall I definitly loved this one and i'm glad i've headed over to your page today as i've missed your amazing works of art.

-Mel

Egoism (Double Diamante) (15)
by Genuine Lavender

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-12

I'm must star off by saying that I adore this style of poetry. Diamantes are by far one of the most beautiful and elegant styles if written properly and believe me you have pulled this one off quite elegantly in my opinion.

You chose a personality trait to work with and it's different. I've read quite a few Diamantes where they just don't cut it, simply because the topics been over used but this one here hasn't. This is the first i've read on this topic and I adored it. To write a double Diamante is interesting. I really liked the format of it, it was neat and complex.

The word choice were perfect. Expecially in the first half . They were strong and held so much emotion within the lines. I found them to really grasp onto my attention. Overall this was such an ebjoyable read. I'm glad I took the time to stop by and check out one of your latest pieces. Well done.

-Mel

By the way, thank you muchly for the comment on my piece, it's much appreciated.

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic (5)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-08

I've seen the title of this poem a few times before on a few other poets profiles, I like it, although to me when you create your own titles they are more creative in my opinion. None the less hope all goes well in the contest you entered with this piece.

I liked the length, it was short and yet it said so much, again the mix of wording intrigues me like always. I liked the emotion within this poem, in a way I find myself relating to this, only at certain times though and for some reason this piece really played with my heart strings and brought out some emotion which has been hidden for awhile. Thank you.

"Addictive, the sound of cyan voice;
almost mythical, the way you
portray the sentences with monsters;"

I adored the lines above, I felt as though the metaphor within this was interesting. Like I said before I can relate to this simply because to me beautiful people have different sides to them, a side where they dance in the shadows with the monsters.

"Life must go on,
but you're not
my hero anymore. "

I loved the simplicity of the three lines above, they were elegant and so emotional. I've been writing simple lately, just because my emotions seem to be on over drive and I really like how you have been using a simple effect not only to draw in your usual audience but also readers who might not understand the complex wording of which your vocab is strung to.

Overall this was a beautiful piece. Well done. -Mel

Lower the Flame of Demons (4)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-06

I love when you write with short and long lines within your poetry I feel as though it gives off a really lasting effect. Even though i'm more a fan of your short lines I feel as though ever line portays a meaning which completes your poems nicely.

"Nyctophobic,
yet, my dearest"

I loved the above lines. The word "Nyctophobic" I've always adored. Something about the sound of it seems dark and yet peaceful to me. I liked the use of simplistic wording but also adding some complicated words to most.

"Nyctophobic,
yet, always in my heart. "

I love the twist here, it's really quite beautiful. To me this piece could almost be a metaphor for a loved one being darkness. So therefor you are afraid of them, wether it is just in an emotional way but they will always hold a special place with you. I like the ideas behind this piece, you've made me think.

You created such a dark feeling over the atmosphere with this piece. I adored it and as you know I'm always a fan of the dark writing. Well done. This was an enjoyable read like always. You never disapoint. By the way, you worked wonders with this title.
-Mel

Florescence (3)
by Melissa

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-06

I adored this piece. I don't seem to see many nature poems lately which don't rely on all the description. It's good to see you adding not only to beautiful and tranquil feeling to my mind, but also the emotion. Because emotion to me lights a heart on fire and forms the most creative poetry.

As I said above I adored this piece, the wording was just so elegant like always. I found that I felt as if I was traveling with you in a peaceful dream. Quite gorgeous might I add.

"Lately I've grown quite fond of Mother Nature,
I feed her bananas
and stardust from my dreams"

I liked the lines above, Hardly ever do I hear the word bananas in poetry and even though it's a common word it's unused in my opinion. I like the fact you don't write with cliche wording. Definitly captures my attention.

"I've been plucking weeds
among other needless things
that suppress such harmony
with contrary refrains"

The stanza above was my favorite, I really can't explain why, I just felt it held a softer tone to it as I read it which really allowed my body to become calm. Lovely.

Overall this was a wonderful piece. Well done. -Mel

Shadows like Statues (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-26

This piece is quite interesting. I liked the meaning behind it, it was simple and yet you made it seem like it was a complex one. I like decoding your poetry and when I do it gives me a sense of accomplishment because it's like i'm getting to know you through your words.

"Honestly,
I've never
kissed you in my dreams."

I truely adored the ending lines, it seems to me to be filled with such sweet sorrow and at the same time bitterness. It holds longing and yet also strikes me as anger, almost as if you don't want the kiss. It seems like it could be sarcasm, as if to say I would never kiss you, not even in my dreams. I liked the fact that this piece can be interpreted in different ways. Really makes me think.

"Nothing's good enough for your crucifixion"

I also loved this line. For some reason it really stood out to me.

Overall this was an excellent poem which was amazing to read. Well done. Definitly a 5/5 from me.
-Mel

Don't Pursue; It Will Find You. (16)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-18

Bliss,
First off I just want to say well done on trying something completely different to your usual style. I actually adored this piece quite muchly due to the fact it was different and that you tried something different. I've been saying it to you for awhile now that I think you'd do quite well writing like this and here you go you have it. Loved it.

The only thing that I didn't like was the rhyme, I felt they were really common but that might just be because i'm not a fan of rhyme anymore. Other then that this piece was flawless. I like the fact that you kept with your favorite theme of love but yet entwined it with a deeper meaning aswell as placing it in life.

"In need of clarity glasses
To counter the crippling blindness
Evoked by a hint of hope for devotion"

I adored these lines and found them to be quite amazing. The meaning behind them is deep and I like the fact that it seems as though you thought about it a little before writing but at the same time it comes out smooth. Those two lines held some powerful emotion. Well done with them.

Overall this was definitly an enjoyable piece by you. Well done. 5/5 -Mel

Inferno (21)
by Genuine Lavender

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-17

This piece to me seemed quite different to your usual style. Different yes, but still amazing in my opinion. It was a great poem which I enjoyed reading from start until finish. I liked the tranquil yet dark feeling you portrayed over the atmosphere. For some reason I felt really calm while reading this. The description was so vivid that I pictured so many beautiful images within my mind.

"sensations,
-melt bones-
interpreted in docile temper.

Oozing..."

I loved the lines above. So fantastic. What an excellent poem to wake up in the morning and read. Truely breath taking. Keep up the great work. -Mel

Decode (5)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-14

I was actually thinking about writing one of these for the contest, although i'm not sure if I have the patience. I believe anyone who writes a poem like this is very clever and clever you definitly are. To me each word here was well placed. The simple and the complex they all entwined together to create a poem which is filled with a strong message behind it.

"Dust
Evolves"

I honestly really love those two lines. Simple wording, yes. but you explained so much in two basic words. Really expressive words. This was an absolutely wonderfully written life poem and I'm not sure that I can say much more to you then that.

Overall I enjoyed reading this cleverly thoughtout pieces. Well done. -Mel

Umbel Of The Night (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-08

I'm quite intrigued by this piece. As always the imagery was quite fantastic and vivid. Some interesting pictures were painted into my mind. Your vocabulary as strong as always, this is your style that i'm used to. Even though the poem was short it created a punch and one line really grasped onto my attention.

"deserts within the digital heart."

I have a few feelings on this line, not sure if they would be right, but then again this piece can be interpreted in a few different ways in my opinion. Digital to me always reminds me of something new. New technology. I feel as though you were expressing a heart which isn't an old heart. Like in comparrison to yours. It's hard to explain but i'm sure you will be able to figure out my thoughts by now. At the same time I also feel that you are portraying your heart loving someone new but it's still holding onto the old person being the desert.

"if there is a bright side of suffering
I'd like to dance with it"

Now the lines above, they were definitly elegant. I felt so much compassion while reading them. Even though this poem is sad, it held love within those lines. Like you were still trying to hold on even though gravity is pushing you away.

Even though with this piece I may not of hit the exact meaning, I thought it was lovely. It kept me thinking and packed a punch like I said above. Sorry for the all over the place comment, I have a cold at the moment and it's making my head all fuzzy. lol. None the less the poem was great. Well done. -Mel

Wide Awake Road (8)
by Lonely Rider

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-08

I must say, this piece was quite elegantly written and the word choice created a traquil feeling over me while reading. I've read a few of your pieces before and quite like your style, but this poem was definitly eye catching and caught my attention.

This piece in a way reminded me of Robery Frosts poem "A Road Not Taken" Simply because it shows paths within like and how once you open one door, it leads to the next and so on. This poem really interpreted paths within life in my eyes and I was really intrigued by the word choice you created to fit in with the poem. It doesn't seem forced what so ever, more like it was flowing off you tongue.

"Tentative silhouettes
prancing alongside,
blurring mist of deceit
blindfolding sight."

-Like I said above your words were quite elegant and created a feeling of warmth in the first two lines. Although when you got to the third and fourth lines I felt a chill due to your word choice such as "mist" ect. I like how you did that with a subtle change in words. It was quite clever in my opinion.

To me this piece can be interpreted in many different ways, I already talked about roads and paths within life but at the same time this piece could also be interpreted as a sad love poem. I feel like it could be seen as a heart being shatter and a person trying to find another path away from deciete. Interesting.

Overall this was a lovely poem which I really enjoyed. Definitly worth the read. -Mel

Son Of The Underworld (8)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-06

Oh my, I just fell in love. But at the same time i'm annoyed at myself that I havn't read this piece yet. Usually I read each poem of yours as you post and this one I missed. Where have I been.

You know out of all your pieces i've been reading lately this was definitly the most gorgeous. Something about it, I cannot explain but my heart felt a flutter like I was falling inlove with something so unique and amazing. I don't know what to say to you Nyell but you have honestly blown me away with this piece. It was elegant and dark all rolled into one amazing poem.

"So, you said, those notes shouldn't haunt me-
yet, you were a coyote, fanciful vulture of the mind;
my melancholic endeavors melt crumbling heartbeats."

I loved this stanza, the simplicity of the first line entwined with such strong vocabulary is honestly amazing. The emotion portrayed here is flawless and your style is forever changing.

People above have obviously stated how fantastic this stanza is:

So, I'm yours,
-you said-
look into my eyes
and you'll find music,
allured
I did,
I did
found
gallows.

but I must be a recording and tell you again that those lines held such emotion. The elegance of your tongue was beautiful. I don't know what it is about you but you always make me find beauty within a dark and sad poem. I know I may seem sadistic for it but it's absoloutely gorgeous the way you portray the emotion.

This was definitly a favorite from you. Well done. -Mel

Bellicose (4)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-05

Short, Sweet and elegant are three words I can use to describe this piece. I must of read this piece atleast six times but havn't really had the time to sit down and comment. Here I am now though and I guess it's better late then never right?

This was such a short piece, I'm not going to sit here and tell you which lines that I adored because honestly I loved them all. I'll try and pick out one or two but all of them were wonderful. The
held elegance for such a poem withered with saddness. You expressed yourself really deeply by etching your heart into each word you wrote and I found the emotion to be so unique as it would filled with darkness at the same time. A really breath taking piece from you here. I can't explain how much I liked it.

"sewed with seaweed."

I found the slight use of alliteration here to really roll off the tongue. I felt as though using the "s" alliteration really gave this piece something more. It created a dark effect while allowing the reader to understand an emotion. Well done with that. Two great words worked into one great poem.


"...tip toeing..."

I loved the effect you portrayed here. The sense of slow silence by using the (...) really made it seem as if in silence you tip toed. I thought that was quite clever.

Overall this was a wonderful piece which I enjoyed. Well done. -Mel

Because I Love You (5)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-05

I've never been good at writing loves poems so I have the respect for anyone who can actually write one. To me they are the most difficult piece to write simply because the emotion is so rare and raw when loving someone. You on the othe hand have impressed me muchly. This is because you don't just write a piece that says, "I love you forever" You scrap that, thats much too cliche for your writing. You write with words that actually speak emotion and you let them fill your heart. Hardly when you write a love poem do you speak directly to the person you may be writing it to, you only do this on the slight towards the end like you have done here:

"Romance:
You're blissful
descant."

Even though this poem is portrayed like you are talking about romance being your love, and how much you adore it. I get the feeling from this that you are using romance for a metaphor for someone. Either way it works brilliantly and lets you create such emotion that can only be felt within a true lovers heart. Again I adored this piece and thought it was really well wrote out. Well done. -Mel

Last Living Souls (4)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-21

Nyell,

Something about the poem, really grabbed hold of my heart. Expecially the first two lines and I believe it's because of the mix of simplicity aswell as creativity. You're words again have created such emotion which is rarely heard of in poetry these days. I do adore your work and I always will. You have stunned me yet again.

The meaning behind this was quite deep, I felt as though I was watching titanic, two souls on an abandoned ship. The only two souls left in the world. A strange annalyse I know but I couldn't help but picture this in my mind. It was absoloutely beautiful. I feel like this poem portrayed two opposite people, two souls, ment for each other. After all opposites are ment to attract.

"Last living souls- you and me;
your sable lips are lethal...
... my lust's enthralling."

These lines were alluring. They felt some what seducing yet at the same time they portrayed passion. I really did like the darkness behind this poem. It was bitter sweet and really etched some wonderful imagery into mind. Well done.

-Mel

Finding my way without you (6)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-10

John,

this piece was absolutely beautiful. I've always known the emotions you put within you're pieces truely relate to you're heart, and again this was another image of how beautifully emotional your heart can be. This poem broke my heart, and I believe this was the most heartfelt piece I've read by you in such a long time. I'm so glad you are posting you're poems here, if I didn't I wouldn't of gotten to know you through you're pieces.

You always write poetry that is unique, it shows how you're mind is unique within itself. I know you write to release you're emotions and for that I'm amazed. You're a person that feels so many different things all at once and each individual can relate to atleast one. I honestly can't pick a line that I love most, but one that stood out to me was definitly the first two lines.:

"Just tell her i went a wander walkin',
she'll know what that means."

I don't know what it was but they definitly drew me in. This was by far an amazingly written poem. I adored it. Well done.
-Mel

Beneath the Beautiful Sky of Today (12)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-09

Luanne,

It's been quite awhile since I've commented on one of your wonderful pieces, and let me say this, it didn't disapoint. I've never been a fan of rhyme because I feel as though people just can't get the flow right when they rhyme, but you have definitly created such an elegant flow which rolled right off my tongue creating a smoothe effect. The imagery was beautiful, love entwined with nature is the essence of all beauty and I do think you made this poem seem so elegant.

The meaning behind this piece was definitly interesting, and I agree a hundred percent with what you posted about it down the bottom. The past some how nearly always seems to linger over the present, but we can only hope it removes itself from becoming our future.

I loved this lines:

And the footprints march on and on -
beneath the beautiful sky of TODAY

What an amazing way to end such a wonderful poem. Well done. -Mel

Total Eclipse (6)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-03

Nyell,

You're style to me seems like it has some what changed, don't get me wrong I love it, it just seems quite different to how you used to write. I also noticed this on a piece I read before this one and I must say I adore it. The thing i've noticed that has changed is you're use of wording. You have some simple words entwined with complex and it is really interesting. So first off I really want to say well done with that.

Now where do I start. I loved the meaning behind this poem, I feel as though i've related to it in the past and it's really deep and breath taking. My favorite stanzas were the three in the middle, Usually you're ending or beginning really stands out to me but for some reason this time the middle was so elegant and beautiful it captured my heart in more ways then one.

"To say you're sorry,
you deliver withered bouquets of sentiments."

The above was so beautiful, the first line simple and as it went on it started to create such heartfelt emotion. My heart really felt as though it had to grasp on to every word you were writing.

"Your heart got caught in a spider web I weaved,
and all you were looking for was metaphorical canyon,
a crate, where the words hit my sanguinary being."

Again, the above. Outstanding. I expecially loved the first line. It was so simple and yet the emotion and meaning was such a hard thing to describe and yet I think you did that perfectly. To mix a sense of love with a sense of saddness is something hard to explain, just the way love alone is. I honestly think you did so well with this stanza.

"To say you love me,
you ring my bells and run away."

Hardly ever have I seen you use the word "and" in you're poetry. Maybe you have before and it just didn't stand out in a complex atmosphere but here you did and I have no problem with it. Sometimes the word "and" really creates a rocky flow but not here because the emotion over wrote the word.

This is a flawless piece by you. I've missed reading you're work but hope to catch up shortly.

-Mel

Arteries Equal Sources of Inspiration (4)
by DarkSpirit

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-10

Nix,
Although I nominated this for the weekly contest I didn't get the chance to actually leave a comment, so here I am now. Hopefully late is better then never.

The meaning behind this piece is quite clear to the audience. As I was reading I picked up on the meaning straight away but was still dragged in by the depth of the meaning. It really caught my attention due to the truth I believe was wandering within each line. The first line really was interesting. It held something that alot of poetry doesn't, a real begining.

"Veins are inkpots,
writers do not write, they bleed across the papers"

The lines above were of course my favorites. I really can't explain this but whilst I was reading the piece I felt a calm sensation wash over my atmosphere. It was as though you painted a tranquil enviroment even though the words you used weren't necessarily calm they were some what dark which to me represents the emotions a writer does feel.

What more can I possibly say about this piece, rather then I adored it and found it to be really interesting. I don't know why but the title wasn't that interesting for me but something made me read this poem and i'm glad of that. Well done. Another amazing write from you.

~Mel

Velvet Whispers of a Tempted Heart. (15)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-09

Ok, Bliss. Where to start from. Look, I did enjoy this piece, but you know me with the whole love poem thing. I can't write them, and sometimes I really can't get into them. That's just my mind though... I love your vocabulary and I really think that you pull it off nicely, though at the same time I feel as though you put alot of your effort into vocabulary and then not as much into the flow ect. I think you can do so much more, and you know that I do think of you as a great writer, I'd just love to see your style experiment a little bit more. Hun, I'm not telling you to change, Damn I wouldn't change my poetry style if it was like this. It's good but I feel as though you are strict on yourself when you write. I'd love to see you be more free. And I know you can do it. You know you can too. I also know you seem to be going through a rought patch at the moment, I can see it in your poetry...

But on the other hand you've used such an amazing mixture of words together, I really enjoyed alot of them and found them to spark so much emotion from them. You're rhyme scheme. It's great you experimented with an [aaa] scheme. It's different. Not as easy as it looks and it can throw the flow off a bit but you did it really well and I did think it was great. So many people loved this poem and it's great, I'm sorry if I sounded like a wench above, please don't take too much of it personally it's just hard for me to get into a love poem, and I believe a love poem should hold more emotion then it does stunning words.

Instill in piercing eyes fervent infatuation yet to transpire

I did enjoy the line above alot. It seemed like you held emotion and your vocab nicely together.

Overall this is a great piece by you. Not the best in my opinion because I know you can do better. I've seen it. But still it was a nice read.

Well done.
-Mel.

Without (14)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-08

Thank you for the comment on my piece of poetry and also congrats are in order for you too. This was a wonderful piece which I have the pleasure of reading.

I adored the message within this piece, though it was simple it was definitly effective and created a sense of alone over the atmosphere. This poem had alot of emotion entwined with it and the use of memories in the first stanza really let the reader know what you were writing about.

Now feels like never
and close seems so far away
Moments tick as hours
foregone memories stay

The first stanza above was my favorite. The flow of it just rolled off my tongue and stuck in my mind. It was a stanza that really plants itself into your heart.

I found this piece to be lovely and again congrats on your win. You deserve it.
-Mel

Like The Last Petal On A Rose, I'll Die (9)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-08

Sweetie, I'm glad you used this title. I felt as though it fitted you at the moment perfectly, though it is a shame. I've been reading your latest pieces but no time to really comment and I must say that when you are really sad you write so beautifully. This was another one of those magical beauty and the beast pieces which kinda broke my heart for you. I can't keep saying sorry, I wish I could help...

I loved the use of the brackets. If you read them lines all together it sounds like another little poem inside itself.. really quite beautiful your use of words. I loved the contrast. You used so many beautiful words but in a agonizing way. It really was unique.

I really don't know what to say to you barbie, except that I loved this piece to all ends and you wrote it gorgeously through all the pain. Well done.

-Mel

Beheading of Gravel Toes (10)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-08

It's been awhile, But i'm here now and this piece was actually quite interesting when you decode the metaphors and symbolism portrayed within each line. Basically i'm just going to start deconding it here and if i'm wrong then this is just my view on the piece, I guess each reader has a thought of their own.

"Innocent feet fumble along piled gravel,"

Pretty basic, Interesting imagery. Not hard to decode. Obviously someones walking across a ground of gravel.


"wincing at the roughness of a lonely earth--"

Again, simple yet effective, the gravel which the person is walking across hurts their feet. It's as though this person is walking their last mile in life before death.

"outweighing the beauty of this child."

It seems as though the child is judge for no reason what so ever. That the child is beautiful but whoever is there watching doesn't see that. It doesn't matter to them.

"Nevermore begins to strap itself with love,"

This line seemed to fumble for me. Nevermore = Never again. I liked the word strap so its like you are kind of saying that never again is entwined with love. Interesting just doesn't seem to make too much sense to me just yet. Maybe as I decode futher it will.

"tightly winding through these gravel paths--"

Again really simple if you look past the imagery. It's quite like the first line.

"bedeviled by the Big Foot's spoor"

Debeviled could mean many things as far as I know. So it could possibly mean that the child is tormented by Big Foots's tracks. So maybe the child is related to big Foot. It's child possibly. For in the first line like I explained above that the child isn't seen for it's beauty. It is judge for no reason. Maybe because it is big foots child, or in someone has contact with big foot.

This piece to me seems like one giant metaphor for something within your life. As I read futher on You've wrote

"Have a guillotine--
or two."

So death is of course the punishment here.

"to love is to slaughter logic so--"

I adored that line. It was beautiful with so much remorse.

"under jurisdiction rule:
to love is to slaughter logic so--
unto this martyr, my lips give dignity;
send forward thy execution"

This stanza to me seems as though you are the one punishing someone as it is you who sends forward the execution.

The end stanza was quite simple as beautiful yet brang forward many questions. I have many thoughts on this piece. It seems like a symbolic piece and if it wasn't it would simply be to me that a child was sentenced to death for being related to the notorious big foot. Despite the childs beauty..

In a metaphorical way this seems to me to be a piece where you've punished someone for your own reasons yet seem to regret it. Possibly a lover, or someone close to you. It could also be a metaphor for a childs death... Maybe as in abortion. That the child was punished and executed [aborted] because of bigfoot [A man] in a metaphorical way. Bigfoot could be a metaphor for a male, as bigfoot was a notorious creature who was well known in America and the child could be his spawn who was sentenced to death simply because he was the child of bigfllt.

Basically I liked this piece, and if it's the way I interpreted it. It was really amazing. If it wasn't it was still a lovely read which I did enjoy decoding in my own way. Sorry if I seemed all over the place in my writing but I had so many thoughts which I wanted to express. Over all a great read. Well done.

-Mel

A Deadly Disease. (5)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-08

This was a lovely piece and i'm thankful you wrote it. My family suffers with breast cancer on my fathers side, so there could be a chance that I get it. Hopefully I don't but I'm still glad you wrote this as my nan had breast cancer. Thankfully she is still alive but she lost her sisters to it.

This poem was quite like a speech but it was beautiful as it showed the audience that cancer is out there and it can happen to anyone and that it does happen to very many people around the world. I liked how you seemed to of used factual information it really portrayed truth and reality and hit my heart like an arrow. So much emotion was within this poem.

I really did enjoy this piece and again thankyou for writing it. It means alot to many people in ways which you couldn't even imagine. This shows you have a lovely heart and would help the world if you could.

Well done. -Mel

Locked in Time (8)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-07

Where to start with this piece. I liked the length, I havn't seen a poem of yours written in this length for quite some time and it's interesting that you started writing a piece which had this much to it as it really complemented the poem nicely.

I truely adored the meaning behind this piece, it was so vulnerable yet beautiful at the same time. The whole demonic feel was actually really elegant in it's own way. I found it to be quite a unique metaphor and i'm not sure if you were using a demon as a metaphor for a male or if you really were speaking in terms of demons but either way it had such a, how can I put it..Gorgeous yet intense feeling between you and this male. I love the evil effect you've portrayed within a love poem, it became much more then just simple love. More of a attraction between two which sparked a flame whilst reading.

I only felt the flow was a little off in the first stanza between :

through a membrane of liquid light;
distance between your hell
and my infernal dreams
decays with hurricanes,

It was proberly the way I read it though, It just didn't seem to roll of my tongue the way the rest of this poem did. I wouldn't change it though as it has such a magical effect over the atmosphere with your word choice. I've always loved your vocab and this is another piece where you showed everyone that it really is you when you speak, not like how you had in your profile awhile ago "show off" ect.

Again the attraction was really vulnerable and warming yet at the same time had an intense feel which I was attracted to myself. This was an amazing read. -Mel

Gary. [Acrostic] (7)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-01

Bliss,

This is really quite interesting. Sad but interesting none the less. When I seen that this was an acrostic with an actual name in the love section I was expecting a loving adoring poem, but I didn't get that and i'm sorry about whatever is going on with you because I honestly could tell this was a real poem straight from the heart.

I liked you're rhyme scheme of [aaaa] it was really effective in a four line poem. Your word choice as always is strong and descriptive and paints alot of emotion within the readers eyes and heart.

This is different from your usual style, yes it is a love poem but it doesn't seem as, how can I put it. Bubbly as you usually are when it comes to your love poetry. I like the style but I can tell that something is different with it due to your personal life.

Basically it was a lovely read, apart from the meaning behind it which was agonizing...
Well done.

By the way. I can't believe you deleted so many of your poems. It's a shame.

-Mel

Show Me The Light. (9)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-19

Temps,

This is really quite a different poem from you, it has your style written all over it but for some reason your word choice in some parts of this piece really hit me and i'm not sure exactly why. Your poetry has improved alot and I really enjoyed reading this piece.

Most people say that reading about teen love ect is cliche, and i'll admit we do read alot of cliche love poems and heart brake on this site don't we? but this piece was far from one and i'm really happy about that. For some reason you strayed away from it and created a piece which could be portrayed as not being a love poem at all. Your heart could of been broken by someone else that was a male which you loved but not in that way if you get what I mean. I'm sure many people can relate to this piece one way or another and I definitly did.

Wake me up from this never-ending dream-
of the excruciating pain of heartbreak.
Wash away all the poisonous thoughts of him-
before they end up killing me inside.

I liked some of the word choice you used here. poisonous, excruciating ect it created such a dark feeling over the atmosphere. Like your mind state was in a gloomy place.
Some words I wasn't some keen on like killing ect but that's just personal opinion. I thought maybe you could use some different word choice in some sections but everyone writes differently and I understand how hard it can be to put words together and make it flow nicely whilst having emotion.

I did like the emotions which you created within this poem, they were dark, deep and powerful. Definitly true feelings. I felt as though this was a real poem I was reading straight from the heart and even if it wasn't you made it believable.

Well done a good read.

~Mel

Last Goodnight Kiss (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-04

Nyell,

I'm really quite sorry that I havn't been able to comment on your latest work. I've read them but I havn't had the time. I only am usually on P&Q for a little amount of time due to school ect. Though here I am now ready to comment.

Oh, wow. You really impressed me with this piece. I found it to be quite beautiful in an emotionally intense way. A last goodnight kiss. For some reason that really grasped my heart. I can only imagine never having a goodnight kiss from Zach. You have created a lonely feeling within my soul and I applaud you for that.

-Neither prophets nor ghouls will preserve, ostensibly,
these abysmal dimensions of defiant nuances;
Arrant rebellion is my soporific memento,
a topaz sanctum
of sensuality and grace;-

I loved the contrasted you portrayed within the first line. Prophets and Ghouls. Quite interesting. Seeing as a Ghoul resides in burial grounds. I'm starting to think that this piece is about a goodnight kiss you might never get again because of death or something you might have done to a person, maybe to do with deciete? That may not be your interpretation but so far that's what i'm getting. Also "these abysmal dimensions of defiant nuances" Nuances is a french word i'm quite sure. For something like shades? i'm not entirely sure. But I like that line because to me it talks about opposing forces that you can't fight. Like death.

-last kiss burns modesty,
like my own whispered ambrosia
betwixt laced heartbeats
crawling...-

Ahh I adored these lines. They were so beautiful and caressed my heart. I am really speechless here. You have touched my soul.

-midnight.

Ultramarine penumbras watercolor
sweet sensations locked inside.-

and again the way you ended this piece of poetry was breath taking. I am truely amazed by the talent you have put into this piece. It was endless. Thank you for sharing.

& also thankyou for the comments you left on my poems they are always so inspirational.

~Mel

Breathing Requires Oxygen (9)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-08

"Breathing Requires Oxygen; Love is Just a Bonus That I Can't Seem to Live Without"

`Lets start with the title shall we. When I first read the title "Breathing Requires Oxygen" I thought how interesting. Yet at the same time I felt as though something was missing from it because it seems too straight forward for how you write. I was glad to see when I opened up this piece that the title was expanded and I must say I like it alot.


It seems that my surroundings have been enthralled by you:
I find that everything I pass forms into another memory,
that decides that it's a necessity to smother me.
(but trust me, love, you're doing quite a fine job alone.)

`The above stanza lets see. I loved the deep and rare emotions you portrayed within this piece. They were definitly a gem and you did make them flow throughout this entire poem. As you proberly know alot of poetry I read I don't feel the emotion, generally because of the lack of emotive words and actually heart put into each line. But darling you did a fine job. Well done.

`The only thing I can say against the stanza above is I feel as though too many "that"s were placed within it. The word "that" was in three of the four lines and used twice in one line. I feel as though you could maybe make it sound a little better by using different words. For example:

`It seems that my surroundings have been enthralled by you

Could become:

`It seems as though my surroundings have become enthralled by you

`or something along them lines anyway. I'm not say change it. Because I know each person writes from their heart. It's just my opinion but who am I anyway right? All I suggest mainly is removing the second "that"
in one of the lines to make it run smoother. Then again it might reuin your syllable count. I'm not sure.

These leaves flow clear of me, as I scream again for us;
the summer's warmth is slowly passing by too fast,
and I can't hold onto the avid skies that have flown away.
(I'm sorry, dear, but one lonely grip just isn't strong enough.)

`I loved the first three lines. I found the imagery to be quite warming. It felt like a beautiful autum/spring day. Lots of oranges and browns in my view but at the same time I could picture a grey sky. Excellent word choice here. If not elegant. The last line.. I don't know. I'm not so sure about it. For some reason to me you start stanzas better then you ended them in this poem. Still they are lovely just not my personal taste you know?

The angel's tears have tumbled, blanketing our streets in white,
and though they cleanse the earth's impurities for a moment,
my voice has found it hard to enjoy the beauty of our laughter;
(or what remains of the acerbic smiles that still slumber anyway.)

`Ok, This stanza to me was really beautiful. The ending line much better then the last two stanzas. I found it to show coldness instead of warmth. Even though angels are beautiful creatures, the imagery you portrayed was full of cooler colours such as blue and white [which are still stunning] I felt alot of emotion pour from here. Breath taking. Expecially the contrast between the two stanzas.

And as lovely blooms begin to color the insipid greens with splendor,
my eyes begin to itch, but not with the urgency of ineffective tears:
It is simply the unsightly images that taint my vision--
(the hallucinations that cloud my sight at lack of oxygen.)

`Ahh, I loved this. Apart from the fact you used "begin" twice in one stanza, but at times I do that too and prefer not to change it. It's quite clear by now what this poem is about and I like the fact that you only let the reader know a little bit by each stanza. It's a clever way to keep readers interested.

Is it merely coincidence that these horrific dreams,
started at the day our charming hearts saw ruin?

`A nice ending. I love the fact you ended this poem with a question. It always leaves the reader wondering and is definitly intriguing.

Overall a lovely penned poem which portrayed such heart ache.

~Mel

Midnight Misery (8)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-25

First of all I'd like to say thanks for the wonderful comment you left upon on of my pieces earlier this week. It was lovely.

This piece was really quite powerful. I actually enjoyed it and it's good to see that you're breaking that block you seemed to have going for awhile. I'm really glad that it's disapearing because you're starting to write some beautiful work, yet again. I read a few of yours piece but havn't had the time to comment so here goes.

Add that line, it was quite brilliant in my opinion. I think it fits perfectly to the ending. Insomnia does have a way with playing with words.

Again I know this has already been said to you but I have to agree the only thing that I wasn't so keen on within this poem was the fact you used quite alot of "I", "Me'" and "You" It just seemed a little too forced in areas when you were directing the poem towards someone. I believe that if you say it once or twice the reader will understand who it is being directed at, then again not all that read poetry can simply understand something so simple can they?

You used quite a contrast of words which is great to see. It helped along the emotion which seemed so rare and powerful. I felt this was written from the bottom of your heart and definitly etched into my soul...

A few lines stood out to be quite alot. Definitly the line you should add to the poem and also the one which Nyell said above. Something about these two lines grasped onto my mind. I adored them.

The only two lines which I really didn't like for some reason are:

I'm so lost without you;
words won't even come out right

The first one because it reminded me of Delta Goodrems song. Sorry if that sounds bias. & the second one I just didn't feel as though it fitted together.

Overall though this is beautiful. Really breath taking.

~Mel

The Never Ending Love Song. (20)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-18

Ahh here we go again, another love poem =]
I could tell this was written about something special. Quite lovely to tell you the truth. Alot of passion was etched into your words. Well done hun. My critiques are basic and not a big deal but let me tell you what I think about a few things within this piece.

First of all, I feel as though this was a story yet again. I know you write this way and it is your style but to me you tell things too straight out forward. It's written exactly how it happened. I'd love to see some hidden meanings within your poetry. I know you can do it.

Secondly this was a poem full of passion and elegance which I loved deeply. You manage to do that really well and I admire that within your work. But this line:

"I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning; it's just you and me,"

I felt as though it was kind of slang, even though it wasn't. If you get what I mean. I don't know how to explain it but your words within this piece were so beautiful but the word "tripping" and "you got my head" just didn't fit. I know it's from a song a lovely one at that but I don't know. I didn't like it all too much within your poem.

I loved the long lines. They were definitly flowing nicely. And the scene you captured was quite stunning. I'm happy that you are so happy and can share this with other people. Love is a unique and special thing. You created such warmth over the atmosphere. You took a simple date and turned it into a magical evening filled with some amazing words.

Well done Bliss. A nice poem overall.

~Mel

You're my Mr. Wonderful. (19)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-15

You and your love poems lol.

You remind me of how I used to write within this poem, I actually like it. Ohh don't be shocked. I know you know i'm a tough critic when it comes to love poems. You actually remind me of someone else on this site who I was good friends with. I know you know him as you're in his club.

You had some lovely words within this poem which really added something extra. Words such as ignite, rupture and passion. A good choice I must say. I liked a few lines within this poem muchly though one which stood out to me was definitly:

"Why pollute my precious body with unnecessary drugs"

It created a nice and calm sense over the atmosphere. Definitly interesting.

Only a few things I wasn't keen on within this poem and believe me it's my own personal opinion. Nothing which reuins your poem. Things such as "Oh boy" I just didn't like the sound of that I feel the nice smoothe flow you created was unbalanced. Never the less it didn't destory your poem.

I've told you before I love long lines in poems so it's great to see that you're still working with them. I'd love to see you write with short lines too as I really thing you would pull it off nicely. You have the flow, the word choice, The rhythm. The only one thing that I think you could work on is hidden meanings. You write your poems straight forward, which is really good, alot of people love to see that, but me I like to have to look deeper and I really think you'd be able to do that. =] You have what it takes.

Overall hun this was a nice poem by you. I definitly did enjoy it and I look forward to reading more in the near future. Keep it up. 5/5 ~Mel

Vicious Cycles (3)
by Italian Stallion

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-14

I really enjoyed this poem Joe. The meaning behind this piece was outstanding, The way you portrayed survival in the wild all under such a natural sense was stunning. The way I read this piece what that it was a metaphor for todays society. It seemed as though you were describing how different "classes" so to say through life are treated. The more powerful the class [Eagles] the higher up they are. The less powerful [Sawns] the lower they are. It's almost like being tormented. That's just my interpretation anyway.

The rhyme and flow of this piece was superb, Not once did it lose it's flow or go off track, I admire that within this poem. The rhyme didn't seem forced, it all came together quite nicely. Your word choice vivid and truely outstanding. I liked the fact that the simplicity created a nice effect over the atmoshpere.

I liked the fact that within each stanza you revealed a little something more about the topic. The first stanza held a nature feel, whilst the second was about animals in a predator world and the third revealed survival. As I came along reading I had an idea what this poem was about yet you never made it obvious til the ending stanza. That was a great effect.

Cycles evolve round vicious games,
Food chain develops extending regular flames.
Survival amongst death, food amongst starvation,
Here lies animals creation, no negotiation.

The stanza above was facinating. It truely caught my interesting. I liked the inner rhyme within the last line. It held such a rhythm.

Overall this was a wonderful piece was expressed a truthful and meaningful topic.
Well done. ~Mel

Mechanical Eulogy (13)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-14

Nyell,

This was quite the interesting piece to tell you the truth. A deeper meaning was portrayed within each line which really had me thinking. I was a little slow on interpreting this today maybe it's because i'm sick, or maybe it's just because it was really complex and interesting.

I was really impressed with a few of the metaphors you portrayed here. You know how much I have adored your metaphors but again you have made me intrigued.

I loved the first line, It reminded me of something I tried to express within my latest poem, The deeper meaning of it was definitly something truthful. Theres no reason repeating something over and over again.

Even though this was a life poem I liked the fact you showed some real darkness within it. As you know i'm quite the fan of darkness. You definitly added a nice touch to this. I loved the topic. It was great. Definitly something i've thought about a few times.

how many dragons you have slain

That line was a favorite throughout it. I found the metaphor to be wonderful.

Overall definitly a great read by you as always. Keep on writing so I can keep on reading. ~Mel

Temples of Some Other Gods (7)
by DarkSpirit

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-14

Now this poem Nix. Is quite another favorite from you. What can I say. You have impressed me yet again with such a magnificant and wonderful poem. The use of questions within this poem was really effective. They seemed quite rhetotical to me which was interesting to see. Rhetorical questions always catch my interest while sparking alot of thoughts into my mind.

"dreams are keyholes"

That line was absoloutely stunning. I can't express how much I adored it. The truth and meaning behind it was amazing. I believe that dreams are suposed to be our answer to alot of questions and problems in life. Only they fade away in the end. They were only temporary.

Lately i've been enjoying your work alot more due to the fact you've been popping alot of deep and meaningful questions into my mind. I've always thought about things such as this but they scare me to an extent.

I wish I could pick out a favorite part of this piece but I just can't. All of it was fantastic and stunning. You know how to make me think and keep me interested. From start til finish I enjoyed this poem. Definitly worth the read and i'm glad I decided to stop by your page.

Keep on writing so I can keep on reading. ~Mel

Seraph (14)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-12

Nyell,

I've noticed i've missed out on commenting on a few of your pieces, though I want you to know i've read them all. I've just been quite busy. Glad I could get to your page now and find this superb piece.

What an interesting title. You always have a way of portraying something I like best which is mystical and unique creatures or beings. I find that truely intriguing about your work.

Snowflakes caress tired thoughts
whispered through silver microphone.

I love these two lines. Straight away caught my attention and dragged me into this poem. The imagery which was created by just two lines was fabulous. I expecially like the use of snow flakes, caress, silver whispered and microphone together. They created some lovely images.

Crystallize all tears that flow
from emerald lakes down on salty lips;
recolor the soul, till it melts down
under the layers of brand new paint.

I liked this stanza, it held some great metophoric meanings within it. To tell you the truth it was great though I felt it was too simple for you, i'm used to your complex and amazing words. You pulled the elegant and simplistic feeling off though which was warming and heartfelt.

Your lungs are made of glass
like fragile products forged with moonlight.

Ahh wow. So beautiful. So delicate. I liked the fact you were directing this at someone here. It was loving yet sad mixed together to caress my heart. The emotions were definitly deep here. You had your words etched into my heart. Beautiful.

Hopelessly dive into the illusion,
cleanse the aura with screams,
brake away through silence, once again
let the sun set behind the eyelashes.

I liked the contrast you used here. Sunset and screams definitly two words which contrasted. The imagery changed quite dramtically here which is always interesting. Luckily I have a vivid mind or I might have seen this as a bad contrast, I felt it wasn't the best but it was still lovely in it's own unique way.

Can you feel the snowflakes
caressing tired thoughts,
singing vast madness
to liquid paramours?

I liked the loving yet sad feeling you expressed here also, the music feel was stunning even though music wasn't actually mentioned I still felt that expressed.

You were like a dream

Honestly, I felt like this poem ended too suddenly. I'm not sure if it was because of the fact I was enjoying it so much or the fact I felt like a little something was left out. Again I liked how you ended it, I found the last line to hold such a strong impact on the reader, it was just sudden for me. Still it was quite beautiful and memirizing once I grasped onto it.

Overall I found this to be another amazing poem written by you. It was a pleasure to read. This was an almost perfect poem for me. You really pulled it off. Thankyou for sharing. ~Mel

Function of Evolution (2)
by DarkSpirit

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-07

Wow, Nix. Just wow. I don't know what to say to you about this piece. Again you have left me fully speechless where my words are all jumbled and mixed up.. I always try and manage up a nice comment for you when you do this, Yet they always seem quite out of place. I'll try again just to show you how wonderful and stunned I am by this poem.

I liked the fact you used the butterfly as a symbolic thing throughout this poem, death, birth and beauty all relate to the butterfly in their own way and the fact that you used different words to portray different meanings throughout this poem really impressed me. I like how this poem can be interpreted in different ways depending on how you look at it and who the person is.

This poems imagery at times was capturing. You just took my breathe away with each line. The repetition worked well for me I found it to be quite effective and had a nice flow to it yet at the same time it rocked, though not in a bad way. Death and life was portrayed within this poem in quite a unique way, the word bomb really made me thoughts run vividly. I like the fact that you make me think when reading a poem instead of writing it straight out forward.

Another complex and wonderful poem by you which I enjoyed reading. I wish I could pick a favorite part but I just can't as they are all equally wonderful. ~Mel

Sometimes I Can't Make It Alone. (8)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-30

The only thing that I didn't like throughout this poem is that the "I's are not capitalized. That says alot huh. lol.

Usually i'm not a fan of "I" being used so much throughout a piece of poetry, yet you pulled it off nicely. I've read quite a few of your poems so i'm getting used to the style.

With your work i've noticed you are quite the neat guy, your poetry always comes together by each line. I like it. It's effective and helps the flow along nicely.

"kick over the plants and buy commercial porn."

Though this piece is filled with bitter sweet anger and a touch of pain the humour you portrayed here is to die for. You really made me smile with the line above.

"and i just want to love you and never forget."

The twist with the ending line was great. I really never saw that coming.

I'm not a fan of love poetry because generally they can be quite cliche and whilst reading them I really do feel as though i'm reading the same thing over and over again. After all who can really explain true love or heart break in words. I know I can't. Though with this piece you created something unique and different. I like that about your work. Always have.

Well done on writing another poem which has really caught my interest and stuck into my mind. You've created a gem here filled with bitter sweet emotions.

~Mel

Extinguish the Flames of Hate (5)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

This was very creative.

I like the ideas your club seems to have. Quite artistic. Though of course it is, It has you and many other talented poets within it.

How you pulled this off I'll never know. Adding such strong and difficult words within each stanza is very interesting. I like the idea and i'm amazed at how you made it look so simple.

Again, I enjoyed reading this piece from you. Very thought out and a nice meaning was portrayed within it.

~Mel

I Know Now (12)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

Luanne,

This, This was absoloutely beautiful. I can express how much I have adored this piece of poetry. You touch my heart endlessly with your work and this was yet another time you whisked emotion into my soul.

The ending lines of each stanza really grasped onto my heart portraying so much saddness. You really know how to create beauty, wether it be a love poem, or a sad poem. Either way they are gorgeous.

Thankyou for sharing a piece I can relate too. At times random thoughts run through my mind, Though I can never express them how I want to you can.

An enchanting poem.


~Mel

Digital Ghost (30)
by Sher

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

Sher, This piece was absolutely beautiful. I really don't know what to say to you..

I'm speechless. Quite shocked.

You definitly played with my emotions throughout this piece. You grasped onto my heart and made it bleed for you.

Your a beautiful lady, I know you've been through alot. You deserve the world.

I'm sorry for the pain you have gone through in your life, though atleast it helps you to create such heart wrenching and gorgeous poetry.

Thankyou for sharing this piece.

~Mel

Singing With Your Silence (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

I thought I left you a nice comment on this before, Obviously not. Atleast you know i've read it more then once now.

Number fourteen. How very interesting. Why the number fourteen. Is it something special to you? Does it represent something? I loved the thoughts you made run through my mind from something so simple. Definitly intriguing. I loved that. The mystery behind this piece definitly caught my attention. I liked how in the end you didn't give it away though. You still left the reader wondering what it means to you. Truely clever.

Metaphorically this piece is stunning, Of course I adore them. How couldn't I. You create some metaphors which leave me saying to myself, Why didn't I think of that. Lovely work.

The flow was beautiful to me as always. Though to some people it seems as though they found the flow to be off, I didn't. I guess i'm so used to your work these days I know the rhythm of it and how it all comes together.

The meaning and concept of this poem was at the most powerful point. Very enjoyable to see you put so much into this piece. Overall a gorgeous piece as always. I'm glad I found your work a very long time ago.

~Mel

Stalker Traffic (4)
by PMurphy

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

I'm not a fan of funny poetry, Though I respect all, It's just not my thing.

Your grammer here needs to be fixed up a little bit. I suggest you capitalize your "I's" It makes poems seem alot neater and gives off better ratings with most people on this site. The structure of this piece was a little untidy to me though that has nothing to do with the meaning behind the poem itself, again it will make it look better if you made this look a bit neater.

This was more of a story to me then a poem, I liked it, but like I said before funny poems are not really my thing, I noticed you had a few of them so I thought i'd check them out.

The ending of this piece I liked, It made me smile just that little bit.

Overall a good poem just a bit choppy to me.

~Mel

Beyond Theory (18)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

First off I'd just like to say well done for trying something different & well done for pulling it off.

This piece is honestly beautiful. I write mainly non-rhyming poetry and I prefer it alot more then poetry with a rhyme. You created a gem here. You really did.

The length of this poem I adored, I found it to fit right in here. Your word choice simple yet complex entwined in one. I liked that. The flow was nice, You created a smoothe flow which rolled off the tongue. Usually writers who begin to write non-rhyme poetry have a problem with perfecting the flow, I believe this was quite close.

Like the tasteless said above, The only thing for me was that this piece didn't have a specific meaning behind it. I searched this poem deeply I just couldn't find it.

Overall this was such a stunning and touching poem. I'd love to see you write more non-rhyming poetry.

Well done. ~Mel

From the inside looking out (13)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

I liked this piece alot, Just not as much as the one I read before this as I can't take my mind off that one. Though the descriptions were good in some areas though I really think you could have created some more vivid pictures. Due to me reading the piece before this I know you can create more creative metaphors. The word "knives" I didn't like. I feel as though it was quite cliche and you could of used a more powerful tool here. Though this topic could be classed as cliche I believe it is not due to the fact that you whisked such darkness over the atmosphere.

Your rhyme was quite good though in some places I found them to be cliche and over used, I think you could rhyme better words together though I do know at times it's hard to fit words together that is why I much prefer a non-rhyming poem.

The way you ended this piece was quite good, I liked the fact that you portrayed a deeper meaning within this poem. Overall a nicely written poem which held my interest from start to finish. Good work. ~Mel

Depression Game (25)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-22

First up: Your "I"s need to be capitalized. It throws me off to read poetry when proper gramer and punctuation are not used.

I liked the fact that this piece didn't rhyme. It's good to see people writing poetry that doesn't rhyme. A lot of people think that because it's poetry it has to have a rhyme. I think not.

I see you've written a free verse poem. I like the fact that you have done this without a structure. It's not as neat as structured poems, though it's a piece of poetry which doesn't deserve to be judged by it's look.

This poem had a touch of cliche to it. I feel as though i've read it many times before but from different writers. I think that you could try and create something new. Something different. Something unique. I know it's hard when everythings been written about atleast once before but try adding a twist. Or different words for that matter.

Your vocab was simple, still effective but I would of liked to see some strong word choice been added into this mix. Your words still managed to portray alot of deep emotion though I think it could of been more powerful by better words.

let my spirit rise from its grave,
to sing its sweet sacred song.

I liked the two lines above. The use of alliteration gave them a smoothe effect.

The flow, Now in places I felt like it was off and in others it felt quite beautiful. Not forced what so ever. I feel as though the flow was only off a touch in places because of the longer lines which held more syllables, as where the shorter lines had less syllables. Try match them up a little bit to create a smoother flow. That usally works for me.

The imagery within some places was great, others it lacked. I liked some of your description, other places I didn't. Like I said before through stronger words. More powerful poetry is created. I believe that, that would of been the case with the imagery.

The meaning behind this was a good one because it showed many people who have read this what depression can do to someone. It also helped people who have depression showing them they are not alone and others feel their pain also.

Overall this was a good piece but not great. It wasn't a favorite from you. I've read a few of your pieces before and I just feel this didn't grasp my attention like the rest did.

Still the meaning behind it good and the emotion was nicely etched in.

Good work. ~Mel

You Go To My Head (23)
by Blissful

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-22

I liked this love poem alot more then your other ones I have read. As you know only very few love poems touch my heart. The emotion was within this piece. It just need to be brought to the surface and it didn't happen for me. Though for mainly everyone else i'm sure it did. I think you know what I'm like by now.

The imagery was still quite beautiful. As was your word choice. You created stunning effects into my mind while grasping onto my mind. I like the face that you can do that with a love poem. You ended this nicely so well done on that.

You managed to hold my attention throughout the entire thing. Your a good write as i've told you that many times before.

Keep writing. Hopefully one day I will be able to feel the deep emotions you place into this poem like everybody else seems to feel.

Overall a good piece.
Well done. ~Mel

It's Stuck Inside of Me (8)
by White Chocolate Dynamite

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-22

First of all. I like that you've tried a different style. Sonnets are beautiful, and even more beautiful to write so well done on this.

I know Italian Sonnets are broken down in structure and look lovely though i'm not sure on an english sonnet. If it can be broken down into different structured stanzas I think that would make this poem a little neater. Either way it doesn't really matter.

You've used quite a few filler words here which made the poem seem a touch rushed to me. Your emotions were their though they were only on the surface I couldn't feel the full extent of this poem.

Your rhymes seemed a bit rushed to me, in love poems I know it is hard to find rhymes that will always fit together nicely, also in sonnets it's not easy either because the rhyme scheme is always set. You can't just flow with it.

I feel as though this poem could of had alot more power behind it if you used metaphors and more imagery.

You had this poem on the surface with a little bit more work I think it could become quite the stunning piece. You've got what it takes you just have to practice like we all do.

~Mel

Love Horoscope (8)
by Luanne

commented by Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-22

Luanne,
You know I got so excited when I opened this page up and saw what was ahead. Only you could write something so creative and so beautiful entwined in one. The joy this brang me was unbelievable truely. You have made my day with this stunning piece of poetry.

My sign:
---*--*--* SAGITTARIUS --*--*---*
You hurry so quickly getting hurt each time
slow down your pace, walk don't run
love's adventures shouldn't be planned out
but rather spontaneous, memorable and fun

My boyfriend was just saying to me the other day that I plan everything instead of letting things just come to me. I guess you read my stars. How interesting.

I'd love to see you write different horoscopes for different things. Not only love. It would be fun for me to read.

Overall this is excellent. Truely beautiful in a magical way. Thankyou for sharing and creating the biggest smile upon my face at the moment.


~Mel

Confinement (11)
by Jaymes Haze

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

This was a beautiful poem. I liked it alot. The emotion portrayed within this piece was heart wrenching. The message portrayed within this poem is deep and powerful, it really caught my attention. Quite beautiful to tell you the truth.

My mother did the same with my growing up, though not as bad. I wasn't aloud to go play outside because i'd get dirty and then i'd get introuble.. I never went to kids houses because my mother was too scared to let me go.

Overall a beautiful poem. 5/5 ~Mel

Ramblings (3)
by Jaymes Haze

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-21

What makes you wake up?
When in your dreams you can be what you want

I really adored the lines above. It's so truthful. I can relate to it. I found the emotion you portrayed in such two lines to be beautiful.

Again the flow was off, I feel it's because of your rhyme. It's just too simple for my liking though you proberly think my poetrys too complex for your liking. Just personal opinions I supose.

The repetition was gbood but not great I feel like you repeat yourself way too much. And in the same place. Maybe if you broke it apart.

Overall a good poem. ~mel

Eat Your Heart Out (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

Lately, I have no idea why. But I'm falling even deeper into your work. I've always loved it. Enjoyed it and appreciated it. But the past few weeks you're poetry has definitly been touching my heart deeper then before.

You know i'm kind of odd in that way, I find dark and sad poems pure beauty and this was yet another one which has mezmirized me in all ways. Your an inspiration of mine truely. Like a muse.

I liked the use of alliteration, it created such a smoothe and calm flow. The description oh how amazing. Your gorgeous pictures are etched into my memorys.

This was powerful, strong and written in so much depth. I found it to be passionate and elegant in its own horrid way.

Lucidly mystical, exotic ecstasy twists
spreading velvet tinsels with every breath

Those lines were of the most elegance I have seen.

Thankyou for sharing another mystical piece of poetry. You know how to create enchanting work.

~Mel

Remember The Enigma within Chimera's Eyes (15)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

Your intelligence shined through here. It's good to see someone who can write withg strong vocabulary instead of the basic word choice used everyday. I found this breath taking.

Thunderstorms lick cryptic forests
spreading tongues of toxic malediction;
I'm dreaming of nocturnal wanderers,
phantoms, warriors of suicidal charisma

I adored that stanza. How amazing. How unique. Nyell... Wow. Your words, your flow, you just shake my attention onto your poetry. It's hard for people to actually hold my attention within a poem but your one of them.

Your imagination ran wild over this poem which is great to see. I love seeing your creative side come out and play. It's always so captivating.

I'm starting to feel like I can't have a favorite poem of yours. They are all wonderful. For some reason I feel as though you've improved.. You've always been able to write beautifully but for some reason you've gone a step futher and honestly I didn't think it could be done.

Your a wonderful writer. Keep it up.
~Mel

Burning Wings, Red Eye Kisses (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

This was stunningly beautiful. Your elegance portrayed throughout this poem touched my heart. Now i'm in shock. I have no idea how you can write such gorgeous love poems. Me. I can't. I absolutely suck at them, but you. You can write them. Wether it be sad love poems or loving love poems. You pull them all off.

I liked the reptition within this piece. It was definitly something which added elegance to it. Your word choice was simpler then usually which was different to see but very enjoyable.

I felt the emotion throughout this. It was loving yet at the same time agonizing. I liked the mix you portrayed within this poem. Definitly emotion packed.

Overall a beautiful and touching piece which painted perfect imagery into my mind. What a wonderful write even though it didn't have a fairytale ending.

~mel

The Spring Time of Her Voodoo (13)
by DarkSpirit

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

Nix, I've truely fell in love with this piece of poetry. I don't know wether to be stunned or shocked. This piece was the most beautiful love poem i've read in such a long time. Thank you for touching my heart deeply. I appreciate it.

I'm still quite shocked that you wrote a love poem. I knew you could write them but this is a very rare occasion. The elegance and pure beauty written into this poem was breath taking. I've never found a love poem which can make me cry, you almost did that. That is amazing.

Once I had a secret,
had a secret and impaled
ring on unwilling silence,
obligating myself to eternity
with static mystery of mine...

Those lines were touching they left me wondering about this secret which you have so fondly talked about. I liked the supsense you painted into this love poem. Stunning.

Once I, like a scorpion,
wrapped around her provocative elbow.
Twice. Three times.
Eight times I disguised
my laced wounds with coal,
nine times.
No, eight times,
eight or zero?
Or it was eight hundred times?

As soon as I read the stanza above that it where I started falling in love with this poem. The saddness portray within these words was capturing. Really grasped my heart. I can't explain how much I adore this piece but I am so glad i've read it.

Once, I told a lie,
twice,
when I said
that I erstwhile spoke the truth;
were that
under the summer birches
when this from shadows and glue
forged friend
got that secret,
and left birch,
and cause of its fragrance
all leafs,
nature,
and his nose
which dismissed, unsatisfied with escape.

How lovely. How magical. I felt so much emotion from this stanza. Just wow. I'm still in shock. Still stunned. This is definitly a favorite from you. I must say. Your ability to write love poems is amazing. I only wish you wrote them more.


I tried to stay
just a shoulder in a haze
which danced around her weak eyes,
your eyes,
did I accosted to herself?
Once,
twice.
I accosted to her each time,
and when I hated stars
and when I kissed stars;

You just drenched my soul in so much emotion. Wow. I don't know what to say. I really don't. I'm becoming lost for words.

I tried to stay just a shoulder,
never lips,
nor eyes,
I tried to banish anguish from your pupils,
but never to be the one for who you will anguish,
I tried to stay only a friend,
never a lover,
but once, I had a secret...

The ending was pure perfection.

This was a divine piece. Truely. This will be going on my favorite poems and i'm going to be nominating it for the weekly contest. You deserve it.

Thankyou for sharing this.

~Mel

Lunar Arcanum (5)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

I started leaving you a comment the other day on this piece. Though I didn't get the chance to post it. So here goes.

Your creativity just poured into this piece. The metaphors and word choice you placed together left me stunned. At times I wonder how you think of these things. Your thoughts definitly are different and unique. That's what I love about your poetry.

The first stanza I adored. The emotion which was portrayed there took my breath away. I really can't explain how much I love this poem. It is both amazing and flawless.

Do not hum her deepest secrets between blazing cressets,
let the purple moons do that instead-

Those lines. Simply. Wow. They are two of the most beautiful lines I have seen you write. You definitly showed me how much talent you have with this poem.

Each line is filled with so much depth and so much power. You really have drawn me in with this poem and I must add it to my favorite poems list.

... and now,
I'm giving up on everything.

I can relate to these last two lines. You should know why. They were intense and really played with my emotions. Beautiful.

This poem truely was one of a kind. The darkness and saddness you portrayed over the atmosphere was brilliant. I love your work and always have. Thankyou for sharing them with me.

To show you how much I love this poem i'm going to nominate it for the weekly contest.

~Mel

Deserts Spilled Over Burned Soul (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

The imagery you create always captures me.
Wether it be darkened picture you create into my mind, or beautiful warm images. Either way you know how to catch my attention and this piece did that again.

The message you portrayed again within each line really touches my heart. I love how many people can interpret it their own way, You leave the reader wondering. You really do. And that's an amazing thing to posess.

Again the creativity and metaphors were beautifully placed within this poem. I love you vocabulary. It was strong and powerful. as always. Nyell. I never want you to give up writing. I will always read your poems. Even if I don't write myself.

little girl within is tired of listening-
heart-shaped obstacles direct mute yearnings;
steel metaphors wrap around the body
forcing the spirit to block oxygen in lungs

The stanza above is definitly my favorite. I found it to be unique and beautiful in a sad and emotional way. You packed so much emotion into this piece that it grasped onto my heart and wouldn't let go.

Overall another excellt write by you.
You always capture my attention.
Even if it is early in the morning lol.

~Mel

Bitter Lust Blows (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

I've read this poem before also. And I fell inlove with it deeply. I'm so glad I get to read it again. You started this poem impressively. You really caught my attention within such few words. I loved you word choice yet again, and I feel like i'm repeating myself with each comment I give you. Simply because i'm running our of nice things to say about your poetry.

The first stanza, Yep. I'm inlove. I adored the first stanza. I don't think I've ever fell for words as hard I just did whilst reading that. Oh my. It was stunning. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Brilliant. You have me all jumpy now.

Meet my sadistic delectation
as it melts down the lips
sealed with mutilated screams-
I trimmed my landscape longings.

"Melts down the lips" Wow. To die for. How do you think of these things. Honestly. I wish I had the same ability as you to do so. Your such a creative person. You write some of my favorite metaphors in poetry.

On the other, lyrical side
the lawns are watered with sympathy,
ornamented with warm jewels-
This garden's burned down.

I loved this stanza. The imagery of two opposite sides. I found that to be interesting and powerful. Again you can paint well. Paint imagery into my mind that is.

Embed dazzling cadence into moon's crystals
-- oh, now and then, I had surreal contacts-
Conspiracies beat with striking preoccupations.

Loved it. What more can I say there. Your vocab overly strong and gorgeous.

Overprotected
oh,
I tasted
hellfire-
[too sweet
to be objective].

Oh how I loved that ending. The repetition with the first and last stanza worked so well. I liked how you changed a word though to create a different effective. Overall another favorite of mine from you. Loved it ~Mel

Artistically Broken (8)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

Your detail of this poem is definitly unique. You pay so much attention to your work, you take pride in it. I can see all this by the way you write. Your wonderful with spelling, puctuation ect which really shows how much the writer appareciates their work.

The nature effect which was portrayed here was a beautiful idea. I know you do write nature poems but not as many but it's beautiful to see you having a combination here. It gave an almost calm feeling to the atmosphere.

The sorrow placed within each line really touched my emotions. Mixing nature and sorrow together had an amazing effect over me. I liked the fact that it was a sad poem though you used calm words not really bitter, harsh and agonizing words.

This piece stunned me Nyell. I know why I have you on my favorite authors as you definitly are my favorite. Both you and nix anyways =)

~Mel

In Mommy's Arms (For Laci and Conner Peterson) Repost (7)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-17

Now this, This I liked alot better. You have good description which I think fits nicely into your poetry. I've read a few of your pieces before and I do believe that is what I liked about most of them.

The story behind this was beautifully sad. I think you portrayed emotion nicely here. The flow was good and I only felt like it stumbled a little bit towards the end. Nothing to reuin this wonderful piece of course. Your ended fitted nicely into this as it was written in depth. And you say you can't write endings too well? I found it to be wonderful. So far this is a favorite from you. I enjoyed it deep and look forward to reading more of your poems. Well done. A lovely yet sad and heart wrenching piece. ~Mel

Not Good Enough For Truth Or Cliche (7)
by Tammie

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-15

I've read this piece before and I really thought I had commented it. Sorry.

Now, I found this piece to be alot different from you hun. Mainly with the structure. Though I did like it and found it to be quite unique and interesting. I adore seeing different structured poems some of my favorite writers on this site create different ones and it seems as though you've mastered that sd you kept the flow smoothe and on course.

I must say I adored your word choice throughout this. Really vivid which made the images stand out in my mind. Not only did just place vivid words in here and there you actually used them throughout

sentences. "Laced fingertips are the nicest shade of blue this time of night" -Beautiful

That line truely caught my attention and kept my thoughts wondering into a place like this. A stunning line.

"Yet I was the one promising I'd paint them a safe shade of red."

Another beauty of a line you portrayed here. Definitly a gem. I liked how you were writing the piece here. Your poetry always amazes me how you can talk to someone within them. I've seen many people try and do that but they never pull it off. So well done.

"Just so you could dare to weave another intricate lie"

The emotion portrayed within this was heart wrenching yet oh so gorgeous. I can't explain how I felt in a way which will make sense but hopefully you will understand me, after all complex minds think alike. The emotion was deep and touched my heart though I found it to be beautiful as it mezmirized my thoughts completely. All I was focused on was this piece. Not the things which surround me.

You ended this pieces nicely. I found my interest to keep from start until finish and my thoughts and images just flowed from my mind afterwards. I had to take a brake before I began commenting and just sit because of the beauty you have etched into my heart.

This definitly deserves a 5/5 from me. Loved it. Keep up the great work.

~Mel

Perfection Is Only An Adjective (3)
by Tammie

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-14

I'm quite sure perfect is an adjective.

I actually really like this poem, for some reason it seems to have played with my emotions deeply which it what I like to feel when i'm reading a good poem.

I'm wearing your tears on my cheeks tonight,
For we both know that's just not your style.

Above: Them two lines I adored. The emotion portrayed was touching. I can relate to those lines in many ways and I truely believe you started this poem off strongly because of the depth of emotion which was portrayed here.

I told you not to dress for the occasion,
Yet you wore that heart on your sleeve anyway,
So I lied and told you it matched your tie just lovely,
But honey, heartbreak never compliments big heads.

I really liked this stanza, the way you express bitterness and resentment is wonderful, truely. The heart on sleeve thing to me is a little cliche but you did pull it off within this poem as it suited the whole metaphoric dress sense. So well done with that.

The way you ended this piece was really beautiful in its own way. I think that you know how to hit the heart with an impact within the opening and ending lines.

I'm torn between wether or not you should add more. I feel like it went so well though maybe one more stanza before the end would also create a lovely flow. If you do choose to write more please let m know hun, I'd love to read it.

Well done with this. Overall quite an interesting and intriguing pieces.

~Mel

Evanescence of the Sun (bloodthirsty revolution) (5)
by DarkSpirit

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-13

A rating of 4.0 hmm I really don't like that. It shall have to change.

I truely found this piece to be stunning. This style is a little different from you, yet still holds all your poetic qualitys. Whilst reading this piece I felt relaxed and calm, almost as if I was drifting off into a daze. A beautiful one might I add. I liked the complexness of this poem. To me it was complex because the meaning behind it could be portrayed in many different ways. Depending on the persons point of view. I liked the kind of twist you portrayed towards the end.

His name was...
whispered only in the moments

These lines really stand out to me the most. The dramatic pause effect whispered to me because of how you sepeated the lines. You started this piece well.

And later he came back,
dragging his serpentine tail
from the maze of garbled recollection,
splintered in three parts,

I found those four lines to be really beautiful in a darkened sort of way. They held so much meaning and emotion to me. Quite effective.

Your vocab and word choice had still amazed me and I believe it will keep on doing that every time I read one of your wonderful poems. You put effort, heart and soul into them and that's what I really enjoy seeing. Well done. Definitly a 5 out of 5 from me. You deserve it. ~Mel

Pitter Patter (21)
by Sher

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-13

Sherry,
This piece was absolutely beautiful. Really a heart wrenching and warming piece at the same time. You've portrayed such beautiful saddness into this poem with the fact that your children have grown up now and are moving on in life, yet at the same time your thoughts are going back into the past where innocence once was, and that, that really warms my heart. Whilst reading this, it reminded me of being a young child again and still having my siblings living at home. I definitly could relate to this piece in my own little way. Your word choice was stunning and created a nice effect. This poem definitly moved me, Short and simple yet it still played deeply with my heart strings. I admire you for writing this piece and i'll definitly be showing it to my mother who i'm sure can relate to this. Thankyou for warming my heart with this gem of a poem. Take care and keep on writing so I can keep on reading. ~Mel

Falling Into Your Arms ... Again. (33)
by Blissful

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-10

First off. I liked the title but I didn't. I feel like it was good but it wasn't an attention grabber for me. Still it was quite good darling. I'm just difficult with titles as you proberly already know.

"Once burned; twice shy" echoes the lyrics in her mind
Appealing grin spreads across her lips as she reminisces
Vacant significance behind such sympathetic expression
Young girl stung by passionate love by an innocent heart
Since that entrancing moment thoughts remain occupied
Eyes pierced in her memory; passion engraved in her heart

Above: The first line I feel like i've heard the quoted words before i'm just not sure where exactly. I do like that effect you have portrayed there by using lyrics. The quoted words really held a good meaning. It was truthful how your telling your readers that once you've had a bad situations you generally shy away from things. I adored that. The second line I liked alot, the word grin I feel didn't fit in all that well just because the way you were speaking about her made her seem some what sexy but grin to me isn't a sexy word if you know what I mean. Then again that's just my personal opinion and i'm sure to alot of people they see different views. So again nice line. The third line I adored your word choice really vivid and effective well done. Fourth line. I liked the lovey effect you potrayed though I found the word young and innocent heart to be a little cliche in a love poem, but darling as you know it takes alot for me to feel the emotions of love poems and you do, do a good job at make my heart jump at times. fith line, again wonderful yor description is elegant and just what should be in a love poem. Sixth line Another beautiful gem. At times you really do touch my heart.

Friend's wise words softly linger ... "If you can't get him
Out of your head ... maybe he's meant to be there"
Four erratically blissful years filled with sweet daydreams
Falling for his charming words and masculine physique
His image established a dwelling in her desiring heart
Not a soul comes even close to the happiness he instills

Above: The first and second line I do like. Quite a heart wrenching effect you spilt upon me here. The use of the word "linger" was gorgeous. The third line I liked to an extent, the word choice lovely I just didn't feel as much emotion from it. Fourth line. I didn't like because you portrayed a cliche and typical man. Something I don't like. But then again most women do fall for these types. I just think that I would be nicer to see a non-typical guy without the whole physical apperance. Maybe a shy sexy type. Fifth line was kind of the same as the fourth. Word choice good but again it seemed like he was a typical male and her a typical female. Last line of this stanza I adored darling. Really beautiful because you created a gorgeous expression of him in a unique way.

"He makes me melt like a popsicle on the 4th of July,"
Resonates the line from a childhood beloved movie
The utter infatuation he triggers with a simple smile
Blows even cynical pessimists away with sheer surprise
Innocent love flourished softly in her affectionate heart
Clasping frantically to blissful emotions; she will not set free

Above: First line. I loved. That was quite an amazing line you have etched into you word. I found it to be a heart gripper. Well done. Second line. Nicely written, I liked how you portrayed many girls dreams of havig a fairytale love. Third line, I liked the word trigger used within it. A deep and powerful word which really got your meaning across to the reader. Fourth line. Ah I adored your word choice here, definitly full of emotion. Well done. Fifth and sixth line. I did line the way you ended that stanza because it showed how this girl you are talking about goes back to this boy over and over again no matter what. Either because she's too deeply inlove or mezmirized by him.

"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about,"
Dream boy, can you blame my heart for falling into your arms again?

Above. Now wow. I loved the ending. It was perfect in it's own way. You ended it nicely and portrayed so much emotion within two very elegant and simple lines. Well done.

Overally this was quite a beautiful poem I must say. I've told you before that it's hard for love poems to really grip onto my heart because most of them I find to be cliche. This piece did touch me at times so thankyou for that. You have talent hun. You can write. Hopefully you know that. Well done. An enjoyable read which does deserve a 5/5 in my eyes.

~Mel

Teenage Depression (The Reality) (8)
by Luanne

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-09

Luanne,

Again. Simply beautiful. At times your pieces leave me so mezmirized I don't know where to start when I go to comment. The harsh reality you have portrayed within this poem is devastating. The things teenages have to go through is quite saddening. When I read this poem it opened my eyes upto this. I adore your work Luanne. The way you bring the difficulties of everyday struggles to life really stuns me. You have a good heart and a thoughtful mind. Keep writing pieces like this, as your teaching people a good lesson. Everything about this piece played with my heart strings. You have a way with words. They are elegant, truthful and gorgeous. Thankyou for sharing this.

The links at the bottom were also nice touch. Truely thoughtful.

A great piece like always.

~Mel

Best Ex-Friend (3)
by Tammie

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

I kind of like the title for this poem. It's good but not outstanding. I'm inbetween with it. It gets straight to the point yet it's so simple for you. I really am not so sure about it.

This piece, I really felt. The emotion portrayed was deep Tammie. I know where your coming from and I understood every bit of your bitterness and emotional turn. Your saddness just flowed over me like a thousand harps playing a sorrowing melody. I've always adored the emotion you place into your poems though, even if it has the ability to completely play with my heart.

You always found it so easy to give up and throw away,
I used to be envious of the first until I realised how wrong it is.
You treasure things so much that in the end you hate them,
I never could understand that part of you, I wonder if you do.

Above: The first line was simple and effective. It got straight to the point showing the reader your bitter and angry side with just enough regret and saddness. The second line I loved. I found the sense of relization and honesty to be outstanding. Quite interesting. The 3rd line was definitly my favorite because I know where your coming from. It's a problem I can have myself which isn't the nicest. The ending line of this stanza created question. I liked how you adressed the person you were writing to with a retorical question. That's a beautiful thing in your poetry.

The only page of this whole chapter that was worth reading,
Or gave me the slightest hint of satisfaction was the end,
Where you said what you wanted and much more
Just to shatter anything left of this hourglass I cherish.

Above: The first and second line of this poem were definitly capturing. I must say my attention did not fall what so ever from them lines it was as though I was drenched in too much emotion. I liked the word choice and truth portrayed. Nice work there. The 3rd line simple, basic, straight to the point and lovely. We see here the build up of what is coming next.
The last line of this stanza was a gem because it was not only simple it was heartfelt. All could relate to that line one way or another.

I can't keep up with which day of the week you want me,
Or which you want to remind me how much of a failure I am.
And yet you'd think I'm talking about such a terrible person,
Funny thing is; it was you all along and you had no idea.

Above: Now this was my favorite stanza was has blown me away. Simply because of the twist you added within the last line. I could picture a girl spilling her heart out to a guy about someone who has been really playing with her emotions, yet the guys to blind to see that who she really is talking about is him. It holds a cliche sense but it's not cliche if your understand me because of the way you created this. You too away the touch of cliche which was added and just worked with what you do nicely. Good poetry.

And now my prints running circles when the days stand still,
Just to lay here and remember those cold words I read
You never think they'd come from the unexpected, but when they do;
You suddenly realise that they hurt, but they don't matter.

Hmm. I'm torn. I like the first, second and third line but i'm not so sure on the last of this stanza. I mean it's good Tammie, you know I adore all of your work it's just I'm not so sure how to explain it. I guess I thought you'd be able to re-word that alot better. The use of they and they too close together damage the flow a touch to me. I think that's what it is that I'm not so keen on there.Hopefully you understand. Though if im talking absolute rubbish ignore me =P

Overall a sweetly bitter sad poem with a touch of regret which I adored. Keep writing hun. You know I love your work and whenever I get the chance I will read it. ~Mel

When Words Kill (15)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

You know your titles have always caught my interest and this, This dear is another one which did just that. I adored it. It's been awhile since i've got to comment on any of your works but here I am ready to read.

You know, what I've always loved about your work is your word usage. My family and friends always say to me I come up with the most unique things yet when I look at your poetry mine seems to be simple and lacking something. This piece was another one which captured me with your brillant imagery, interesting flow, and alluring atmosphere.

Whispered sweetness decipher deceptions
within a dream, pallid, in soft, scarlet tones-
lullabies lacerate destined sensations
outlined with zest of vivid, dancing shadows.

Above:

The first line I loved the alliteration used. It rolled straight off my tounge and into a smoothe flow whilst still mangaging to create an image of beauty. The second line I adored because you used such artist like words and as you know art is a passion of mine. The third line well this is gorgeous again because of the alliteration yet the feelings you portrayed here and breath taking.
The fourth line added a contrast, instead of using brighter words you went for shadows which has the darkened gloom feel which you have made come alive.

These notes are smeared with lilac's scent
unraveled between eager fingertips,
embedded into emerald, molten pupils
of the wordy demigods, coral demonic angels.

Above:

The first line is definitly my favoite piece of the poem. I havn't read anything quite like that in awhile. It is something alluring and capturing which really worked well with the imagery you were creating. Well done. The second and third line were interesting and definitly intriguing. The human figure being brought into poetry is a favorite thing of mine expecially when it has been distorted. Such a magical image. The last line of this stanza left me hanging. I just couldn't wait to read more.

Letters weave intricate, engulfing creations
tailoring moons hung over dirty windows,
mutilating mirrored silence with hands of steel
designed to merge with cryptic metaphors.

Above:

This stanza was simply beautiful. The first line the flow seemed to be a bit stiff to me but that's only because of the pause in the line. Second line wow, Tailoring moon? that's definitly different. Love it. Third line Again I liked the darkened evil contrast still mixed with beauty. Quite astonishing to tell you the truth. & the last line was an ending to the poem nicely

So overall a magical poem which I enjoyed reading alot. Keep on writing. Don't be discouraged by anything what so ever. You have the talent to go far.

5/5. ~Mel

Offering Plates Full of Hate (4)
by DarkSpirit

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

I truely liked this piece Nix. & you know why? It's because of how unique and different this poem is. Your unusal thoughts always seem to grasp on to my thoughts and attention whilst playing with my emotions. I applaud you for that.

Polymerization of two souls saturated with blood
is a bond of explosive emotions
framed with string of thoughts
which formed a spiral of instincts (or a whirlpool?)

Above: The first line of this was definitly an attention grabber, the darkness you etch into these pieces is brilliant. At times I really don't know how you do it to tell you the truth. You still always seem to leave my thoughts speechless with your poetry. The second and third line I adore. I love how you wrote that line with such a vulnrable sound to it. Emotionally impacted. The last line of this stanza I thought was clever. Your question at the end brang up many thoughts into my mind. Many "What ifs" ect. I found that part to really make me want to keep on reading.

This is adhesion above the translucent reflections
of something which people used to be,
but it leads to genesis of gushing architects
left on shape-shifting foundations of their future.

Above: The first and second line were nicely written together. They came into a flow which was smoothe and held together by such vivid words. Well done. The third and fourth line were amazing because of the contrast you used within this stanza. It gave this quite a unique twist in my mind.

Offering plates full of love,
while aromas deceive the mind,
making that lying thoughts like -forever-
float through unprepared skull
-- bringing unstable felicity in eyes --

Above: I do believe this is my favorite stanza. So much deep emotion was portrayed within this, it's unbelieveable at times to think that words can do this to me but they do. Expecially from those 5 lines above. Worded neatly and perfectly to come together to create raw emotions. Loved it.

Constructers dreamt their visions
which mutually didn't concurred in one ;
offering plates full of incertitude
while one lungs can't respire without the sound of other breaths.

Above The first and second line. Magnificant. Definitly something that caught my eye. I loved the metaphors you've put through this stanza. Really intriguing. The last lines of this stanza were to the utmost beauty because of the saddness and darkness you etched into my soul.

Two golden pieces of jigsaw aren't in the same size
so whole picture is discomposing while longings for north and south
splinter the heart in half
-they will took one and that is the only "forever"-
offering plates full of hate.

Above: You know this stanza I adore alot. When I read it for the second time I realized this has to be my favorite stanza simply because of the truth and honest you hide behind every line of your poems. Expecially this stanza. It was remarkably beautiful.

This whole poem definitly deserves to be read over and over again. From start until finish you have mezmirized me through words. Well done. ~Mel

The Carousel (13)
by Luanne

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

Luanne,

This poem was beautiful sad. You really played with my emotions throughout this piece. I cannot explain how touched I am through your words. One thing I must say about your poetry is you seem to teach me. I sad that about your last poem I read of yours but the truth is you do it over and over again through your beautiful words. You expressed how a childs life would change through something like this and I honour you for doing so. Even though I don't know you, through your poetry it feels like I do and you my dear have a beautiful heart. Thankyou for sharing this heart braking piece which has brought tears to my soul.

Two stanza which I adored were these below.

Burnt youth, death penetrates the heart
bud broken before the flower could start
life stands still, zestfulness gone
tears tumble, as the carousel prances on ....


Just as the carousel, her life will keep turning
around and around in circles, memories churning
gripping shadows follow, on through the years
she marries, has children, and they too see the tears

Both touched my heart in many ways. This poem is a gorgeous Gem and I'm going to be nominating it fo the weekly contest. Well done on writing this. ~Mel

Rising From the Ashes (4)
by Luanne

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-30

Luanne, First of all I would like to thank you for the lovely comment you left me. I appreciate it muchly. Sorry that it has taken me this long to return it to you.

This piece of poetry here is simply beautiful. Your words have left me mezmirized as they are so heartfelt, emotional and touching. Your started the poem in a hurt and sad state yet ended it with such beauty. I loved the contrast you portrayed and I'm also happy that things have ended, or should I say started over again nicely for you.

Happiness never seems to fit me well
[frown] dangling on the edge of a smile
aspirant dreams on a burning rope
clinging to the hopes that someday
love will be a "combined" feeling not just "I"

[we] used in casual conversations
"incerity" just letters, meaning nothing
not a word, without adding the "s"
like love without the "l", meaningless
notice me please, I'm gathering dust

I adored the stanzas above, because the emotions were so rare, so raw and filled with so much agony.

Yet.. I enjoyed these two so much more.

No longer dreaming, the impossible dream
flutters flow through veins, in harmony
No longer the usual I love you said more out of habit
but now with truth, sincerity and meaning
Something we almost lost ... forever

Happiness fits me well
[frown] dangling on the edge of extinct
aspirant dreams do come true
feeling and believing that today
love is a "combined" feeling not just "I" ... anymore

The elegance you portrayed over the atmosphere was divine. From your flow, to your word choice. This piece had everything an amazing poem should be.

I can't express the feeling this poem have given me. I feel hope from this peice. It's almost as though you have taught me not to give up and that things can work out in the end no matter how difficult and tough the situation may be. I'd like to thank you for that as I do appreciate it. Thankyou for sharing this piece. It's gorgeous.

Well done. ~Mel

Even If You Don't, Pretend To Love Me For A Second (9)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-23

Barbie, I thought it was about time to drop into your page seeing as I havn't been here in a while.. First up I noticed we both have this title written into a poem. [Yours much better of course]

This, Now this piece was quite the emotional one from you. Start til finish you portrayed so much sorrow within your words and still you created a sweet feeling. I adored the agony and pain you filled this poem with,
It was beautifully sad.

Painfully trying to swallow my own self loathing
As pride collapses agonizingly down around me
Seeing pity in your eyes, the tears begin to well
Shouldn't, but can't help throwing myself at your feet

You started this piece strongly like you always seem to do with poetry. I've noticed that about your work, your start of the poem holds so much strength and power. The stanza above I liked expecially these two lines:

Seeing pity in your eyes, the tears begin to well
Shouldn't, but can't help throwing myself at your feet

I honestly don't know how you express so much emotion.. You've put your heart and soul into them two lines and it really paid off because whilst reading them I could feel my heart drop with sorrow.


For even though you've finally moved on in your life
I'm still clinging desperately to our cherished memories
Hoping against hope that you will find it in your heart
To let down the barriers and finally start to forgive me

The stanza above, Again! Emotional! Your word choice throughout this poem has been quite simple and very effective, whilst your flow has carried on nice and smoothly. I'm trying to find my favorite stanza but honestly I really can't. They are all equally impressive to me.

How could I have ever treated you the way that I did
Had the best thing in the world, was to selfish to realize
Oh if only I could turn back time, erase all my mistakes
I'd do it in a heartbeat just for one more minute with you

I like how this has been role reversed. Usually I read poems about how a girl or guy has been hurt, but rarely do I find a poem where a the girl or guy has hurt someone else. Well done on that interesting contrast.

This heart is breaking into more shattered pieces each day
Darling don't you find it to be a little more than ironic
Remember how I used to hate all that small town drama
Isn't it funny how I'm now one big ball of tired cliche

Hang on, I think here it is. My favorite stanza. Your bitterness within this was amazing. As was your touch of sarcasm. I knew you had to have some sarcasm throughout this piece. If you didn't it just wouldn't be you. I love the last three lines of that stanza. They are to die for.

Don't know what else I can possibly say to rectify this
One thing wanted more than anything in this whole world
To finally be back inside your secure and loving embrace
Baby...For all old times sake, pretend to love me for a second

You ended this perfectly. Really. You pulled this piece off nicely. I also saw you won in the contest. So well done. Really well deserved.

Overall this was a stunning and heart wrenching poem. You put so much soul and heart into it. It became gorgeous even though it was filled with agony. Definitly eserving of a 5/5 in my eyes. ~Mel

[Btw. Smurfie Does Miss Ya]

Phantom Gazes (6)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-23

I've read quite a bit of your work before, and as you know to me this isn't your best. I just feel it was too blunt and lacked emotion. Your word choice was excellent. I liked that, yet your rhyme I wasn't so keen on.

Forgive these pathetic, lonesome words that lack formality,
Though I must admit, I am not to blame for my lack of ability.
Just before you used to gaze at me, with an affably thoughtful stare;
Now your eyes threaten my sanity as they strip my body bare.

These lines were amazing. I liked them deeply to tell you the truth. You started this was so much strength and power yet as the poem continued after stanza one I felt like it started to crumble. I loved the word choice and the rhyme here. It was definitly built with so much bitterness and yet so much anger and sorrow was portrayed.


(A single thought cannot form when he looks at her that way;
Like every girl she'd ever met, she gave her love away.)

These two lines, They jusgt didn't do it for me.. Your rhyme was too similar for my liking and too simple for your work. I found this line to be quite cliche with a lack of emotion. I wont say much more because I know you already don't like this piece. I just think from me reading your previous works you can do alot better.

Your back is all I see these days (he never looks at her),
Six months passed by and nothing changed (except his love for her).
So at this point all hope is lost and souls have been unbarred,
(He likes her not; she likes him so; he doesn't like her)

I don't know with the above. I like it, but I don't like it. Too cliche I think. The first too line had a touch of emotion which was sweetly sad yet the rhyme of her and her through me off. Even if you didn't intend for it to rhyme it still did.

So at this point all hope is lost and souls have been unbarred,

I loved that line in it. Really interesting and intriguing. I found that line to stand out of the poem and hold power. Again an amazing line you've created.

(He likes her not; she likes him so; he doesn't like her)

That line again, It held a touch of emotion yet it just didnt full on grasp my interest. I don't know why. I'm sure for many other people it would of but for me, I just don't know.

Though they both know: The truth begs to differ.

I absloutely loved the ending. An amazing and strong ending which had alot of emotion portrayed within so few words. It was truthful with bitterness yet seemed to elegant. A beautiful contrast I must say.

Overall this poem was good but not great. Still I did enjoy reading it. Well done. ~Mel

Faint Ruminations (15)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-23

Now this, this is alot better then the last piece of yours I read to tell you the truth. I adored this one alot. It was beautifully sad with so much emotion flowing through each line.

Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair.

I loved the first line. Really really deep. I just wasn't as keen on the rhyme but I still found it to be effective with alot of power. The word choice of this was excellent and really deep. I adored the first line more then the secon but both were great.

Into the world of seldom emotion, she falls,
Passionate kisses sucking away her soul;
She remains walking.

Now this is great. Really fantastic. I'm starting to see way more of how i'm used to you writing in this poem compared to your last. Your word choice so vivid and strong creating beautiful emotion. I liked the dark and eerie effect you portrayed over the atmosphere also. This is quite a love poem with a twist. You portrayed the confused feeling of love and also the departed feeling. Quite interesting.

(So I guess we're done, right?
"Yeah, we're done.")

I liked that. That was effective. It reminds me of childhood love. Where it doesn't really matter if you brake up or whatever but deep down it does matter because you always remember it. That's just my interpertation. I may be wrong but if it is that was I do think that's sweet and beautiful yet so sorrowful.

Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes.

I think I fell inlove with this piece. It's definitly going to be going on my favorites. The imagery you created here was vivid and stunning. I could picture butterfly wings falling from the sky and surrounding her in her sadness. Really effective and really gorgeous. That stanza was breath taking. You've created a beautiful yet agonizing piece. I love the contrast.

(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)

Good rhyme, good emotion and excellent choice of words. I like how you use brackets to make an almost drifting of voice when you read it. It's interesting and effective.

Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes.

The ending was gorgeous. I know i'm using the words beautiful and gorgeous alot but I just can't find another word to describe how stunned I am by this work. It touched my heart in more ways then one. I definitly think this is heart braking and worth the read. I'm glad I read both of your poems today. Well done with this. It is definitly deserving of a 5/5 in my eyes. ~Mel

Don't Forget To Remember Me (6)
by Tammie

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-22

Darling, Why have I not read this poem. I've read your latest but not this. I don't know why not but I am so glad that I decided to pop in to the page seeing as I havn't been here to comment in such a long time.

First off sweetie, I'd like to say well done with the sarcasm in the first stanza of this poem. It was bitter, Resentful and down right stinging. It really wrenched at my anger an boiled a feeling from deep down within. Loved it expecially this line below:

Star struck? You ask. No, fame never did appeal to me,

You mention the word appeal in that line, well tht damn line appealed to me. I loved it. The bitterness. It makes me teeth clench together. Yes, I'm odd. I know. But that line was amazing. Well done with it. You portrayed so much within so few words.

This blue ink runs violet when a rain of sorts drop,

Beautiful imagery within that line, I adored it. I could picture a raindrop or tear so to say with it's violet and blue colours hitting the ground with a spalsh.

Black blood runs cold in this rainbow of coloured clashes,

Loved the alliteration of that line. Really roles off the tongue. The imagery was also quite contrasted. You had a beautiful rainbow yet in my mind I could picture it covered in red and black blood to give a dark and eerie effect.

And between the words and the colours and the days,
There are too many in-betweens to define the dots from the dashes.

Ok, Yep. You hit me again with two very interesting lines. Expecially the last one. How can I describe how I feel about this poem? really. I can't it's too hard. I want to.. So i'll try.. You deserve it. I loved the use of dots and dashes. That's something a little different to what i'm used to hearing within poetry so it's good to see you've come up with something a little unique. The emotion from that was quite strong and the confusion which you portrayed was deep.

Don't forget to remember me when something better comes along,

That line is sweetly sad. So touching filled with sorrow and resentment. An adoring line.

Because we both know it always does and
I'm the only one worried,

I liked that. It went on well with your poem. Had a nice sound to it filled with so much emotion. A sorrowing feeling you portrayed over the atmosphere.

For old times sake lets do this dance before your blood runs dry,

That line. Fantastic, Tammie. Emotional yet again with so much portrayed.

And I'm left here yet again alone, to write another page wearied.

Hmm. Not so sure about the ending. I like it, but I don't think it's as strong as most of your other poems endings. It's too simple for you. The rest of the poem was filled with so much emotion, so much strength, deepness, style and sarcasm. This just seemed to stray away.

Overall I do like this poem. Alot. Your ending did not reuin it at all, It just didn't do it for me when I know your work. The flow was quite nice, the structure well done and the meaning and thoughts behind it, interesting. Well done sweets. 5/5. From me. ~Mel

I Climb, I Slip, I Fall Reaching For Your Hands (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-15

Nyell, First up I would like to ask you where have all your poems gone? I know you had more upon your page but they seem to have all disapeared and I have no idea why as they were all wonderful.

Now back to this poem. I adored this one. I think this is a new favorite of yours for me. I know I do say that alot but I always seem to find another piece of yours which impresses me more then the last I have read. Your talent mezmirizes me and only few on this site have been able to do so. Your words are lovely.

You can read my secrets between the lines,
through the letters infected with frigidity-
simple distortions complicate blurred days,
counting reasons for bleeding scattered goodbyes.

Your word choice, some what simple for you within the first line, I loved it though I found the first line to be sweetly elegant which drew me in straight away into your poem. This whole stanza held elegance and purity but so much sadness was portrayed within these lines. I could feel the emotion pour over me as I read it. That makes a good poem, when someone can do that to me through only one stanza. Truely amazing.

Staring at the white-winged, radiant doorway
I face chimerical rejection; fingers entwine with darkness-
these masks of sorrow forever I'll keep.
Starry saviors cannot justify those latent dreams.

Mysterious, this was so mysterious. I loved the dark and eerie feeling you created over the atmosphere as you talked of dreams and masks of sorrow. This had a great impact over me, I can't express it but the heartfelt reaction I had was simply to die for.

Absorbing vibrations of some broken inspiration
wounds the spirit with javelins of flames-
this crisis extends its silver tentacles
moistening thoughts with violet, toxic rain.

Another beautiful stanza. The last line was definitly a favorite. Quite an amazing line for it held so much description and imagery. The pictures you painted into my mind were stunning and your word choice helped that along nicely. I feel as though i'm looking at a story book which has such a mysterious and unique ending.

You can daze me with intricate fallacies
cause I let my soul to be seduced,
swallowing forlorn promises once again
within this world framed with oblivion.

I'm not so keen on the word 'cause' though I really don't feel as though it damaged your poem. It is just my own personal opinion which are usually not too interesting anyway. Another beautitful stanza to me wrapped in emotion and a different yet successful ending from you.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece. You kept my interest from start until finish like you always do in your poems while creating a sense of eerie mystery and darkened thoughts. The emotion gorgeous. The whole poem heartfelt and touching. Thankyou for sharing a wonderfully written poem. Definitly deserving of a 5/5 from me. ~Mel

Some Fervent Promises and Violet Rituals (12)
by DarkSpirit

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-14

Nix. This piece absolutely amazed me. How can I explain the depth and beauty of your word choice. Your elegance of your flow. Or the meaning of your words. I simply cannot do so. Though I shall still attempt to tell you my stunned thoughts and opinions upon this masterpiece.

I'm not able to
measure these visions completely,
under the clouds and smeared sun
of undefined skies.

First up I want to say, Congradulations. Congradulations for catching my attention with the first stanza. Four perfect lines written together to grasp onto my mind and hold it within your words. This stanza held so many mind blowing thoughts. Just your tone. It portayed so much tranquility over the atmosphere. Wow. Just.... Stunning. Breath taking. Magical.

This is my body
and that's the only thing I'm sure about;
no, the words don't lead to oblivion.
Oblivion, actually, leads to oblivion
of the oblivion of forgotten oblivion
which I've forgotten,
till the point that I'll forget to forget
which fell apart in front of one word,
and the word was- obscurity-
she caped so tightly in it
so the darkness swallowed her,
becoming a word.


This. Now this I loved the complexness of your repetition of words. Its almost like a puzzle you must work out in your mind. You created this just how I like it. Something that I have to figure it out and not just understand it simply. I had to take alot of time and care on these lines.

so the darkness swallowed her

That line I truely love. I don't know if I've heard it somewhere before but it sounds familiar. Or maybe it's just your magnificant line staying trapped in my mind. Making me think I've heard it before but really you've etched something so beautifully dark and intriguing into my mind.Superb.


Inflamed obscurity eats the apathy-
dream a dream within a dream
where you are going to dream
the moon that made you sleep.

I think I really loved this stanza most. It's hard to pick which one I adore most but this something about its sorrowing tone and heartbreak really latched onto my heart bringing upon a saddened melody of loss. The last line.....Gorgeous!

I guess that I'm trying to say
that everyone treasured awry values,
losing mind, losing blood, losing passion,
losing, endlessly...

Loved it. You ended this piece amazingly. What more can I say to you Nix. Then your talent never seems to fail. Your a poet and should be proud because the emotion you express through words and truely fabulous. Truely adoring. And Truely one of a kind. You have shared with me another touching and lovely piece which holds so much truth and honesty within each line. Well done. You deserve 5/5. I only wish I could rate it higher.

~Mel

Aiming For Perfection (3)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-21

Jenni, This was such a beautifully sad piece. Honestly. You have no idea how much it touched my heart in so many different ways. Your word choice to me is always torn between simple plus elegant and deep plus vivid, it amazes me. You tend to always give so much emotion within your poems and this one did just that again. It pulled my heart strings, it really did. You wrote this for a contest huh, Well barbie. I hope you win it 'cos this is fantastic. I'm sure many people can relate to this and that's what I love most about your poems. You don't just write for you, you write for others. Even if you don't know it. Well done hun. A breath taking poem. ~Mel

Love is like a Butterfly (20)
by Blissful

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-17

I like the title of this piece, It caught my attention. Reminds me of a title from one of my poems. Only a different word instead of "Butterfly". Love poetry is hard for me to be impressed with, only very few can capture my heart while reading one and this got quite close. I liked the meaning portrayed behind it. It was interesting and truthful. The emotion portrayed to me wasn't as deep as it could of been but that's just my personal opinion when it comes to love poems, as I told you it's quite hard to capture my heart with one.

"Butterflies explode in tight tummies
Signifying intense and true passions"

Two lines of this poem which I can relate to are the ones above, They were beautiful to me. You created an elegant feel over the atmosphere.

Overall this poem was nicely written.
I give you a 5/5 from me. ~Mel

The Bitter Uprising (1)
by Sole

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-17

I truely enjoyed this poem. The emotion portrayed behind each word was heart braking. You took me to a place filled with so much pain, so much agony. Your word choice was really descriptive and vivid, I like that alot. Instead of basic simple words you stepped out of every day vocabulary to create such an intense poem. The flow to me was in in some places caused by changes of rhyme scheme maybe. I know this piece is written for a contest so good luck with that. A deep and meaningful piece of poetry drenched in painful emotion. I loved it and enjoyed each line. Well done. ~Mel

Nature's Body (8)
by Bean

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-13

This is beautiful Bean, Honestly. It touched me deeply. It's a nature piece which is mixed thoughts and feelings. A metaphorical piece which held much more then meets the I. I understand exactly what you were saying throughout this piece, expecially the ending. Sometimes things get so tough, that too many thoughts run through our mind, We think we wont be able to handle it and our head will just explode, in this case fall off. This is my interpertation of this piece anyways. Was touching and heartfelt, at the moment it really sparked a fire within my emotions. Short, sweet and truely delicate. This is a diamond written by you. A pleasure to read sweets. Can't wait to read more.

5/5 of course. ~Mel

There's a Mountain Between Us (15)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-10

I adored this piece. Your word choice always seems to hook me in from the very begin. It's as if you know exactly what would grasp mine, and other peoples attention and you stick to it while creating beautiful, breath taking and facinating poetry. The atmosphere you create holds such gorgeous descriptions and tone. Again I can't express how much I love your word choice, If anyone was going to paint vivid pictures into my mind it would be you. Well done. Another stunning piece of poetry by you. 5/5 though I wish I could give you more, way more for your effort, time and talent you put in to this. ~Mel

Slipping Into Frightful Dreams (9)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-12-17

I really enjoyed the title of this poem, Britt picked a nice one and I think you created such a wonderful piece from it. Like always you work well with titles given to you, I don't think i've ever seen you not create something stunning from a poem title someone has given you.

This poems imagery, took me away. Honestly your way of painting vivid imagery into my mind is breath taking. I could go on about every word and how powerful and grasping they are but i'd most likely bore you to death and we really wouldn't want that because then you couldn't keep writing these amazing poems of yours.

My bruised heart waits to be tucked in painful lullabies
as I lay my head down on pillow made of glass.


I loved them line, The emotion was simply sad with a touch of sympathy. I really felt emotion well up inside of me when I was reading them almost as if it was me who was in that position.

I definitly can relate to this poem. Dreaming into such nightmares has happened to me for years so it was As if i had wrote this myself if you know what I mean.

(headless mermaids recolor my precious, bloody roses);

Now that, that line is unique. So deep and eerie. Headless mermaids? wow a nightmare and a half though filled with so much imagery.

Curtains of the soul decay under cascading dilemmas
shimmering on the horizon of ragged hopes.

Again, wow amazing vocab you posess. I don't know how you do it. Each time I read one of your pieces I am left it awe from your knowledge in vocab.

Venoms pour down the lips in this engulfing vacuum
gliding down silky butterfly's wings illustrated with fears
...contagious hands reach to touch my frail awareness
(on the edge of fantasies, slipping into frightful dreams).

Favorite stanza. Definitly the last. Just stunning and capturing. I feel like I always say the same things to you when I leave you a comment and it's annoying me but what more can I say then I love your work. That's pretty much all you need to know from me. Your an amazing writer, with so much talent presented through each glamorous poem you create.

Well done. ~Mel

Sh-Sh-Sh-Shiver... I Want This To Plaster Your Screen. (7)
by Prophecies In Kodak

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-12-16

How could I resist reading this poem which such an interesting and intriguing title? "Sh-Sh-Sh-Shiver... I Want This To Plaster Your Screen." May I ask politely how the hell did you come up with that? It latched on to my attention the second I entered your page.

I've read alot of your poems which you have posted, though I must say.. this is quite different from you. The structure I mean to say. I'm not used to the change but I do like it. It's different but it's grasping all rolled into one amazing piece of poetry.

Your sarcasm within each of your poems tends to blow me away. Just when I think it can't
get any better here you go again writing a poem which holds such sweet bitter and such tasteful sarcasm. For example the ending. Correct me if i'm wrong but
"oh-so...nice.
(writers block)
shock..."
Held sarcasm which could set a field of daisys on fire.

When I first started reading this, I was thinking where is this going, I love that you start it, keep it going, and only just at the end do you reveal what this poem is stating. You could get so many different interpratations and impressions from this poem because of the way you let the reader slip into their own view then snap them back with the ending lines which explain all.

Your word choice, I've always liked. Powerful, Expressive, Deep, And Divine. The imagery you portray in my mind from the vividness of your description is unique.

I got so much from this poem, It's quite difficult to explain. I can't find the words which is a shame.

we are the vaccine
i enter the vein with different means

The above lines I loved. Really mind capturing.

Locking knees under blossoming trees

I also enjoyed the lines which you had an inner rhyme within, like the above. It made the poem flow really smoothly and gave an almost chant like effect in some places.

Overall I loved this piece, hopefully you understood what I was trying to say above, i'mquite tired lol. How can I rate this lower then a 5? I just couldn't. ~Mel

Endlessly, She Said. (6)
by Tammie

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-12-16

Excuse me miss, could you pass the sugar?
Your bitter words leave a terrible aftertaste.

I must say I adored them lines. So bitter sweet which is the effect I know you were going for. This whole piece held so much sarcasm within each line giving a unique effect over the atmosphere. The flow great, you pulled it off nicely to give a smoothe effect. I like the meaning portrayed behind this because so many people can relate to this in their own way, or have their own interpratation of this. Such an amazing piece. Really good to read a piece by you again which was so enjoyable. Glad I took the time. Well done. ~Mel

An Eternal Bond Unable To Be Broken (10)
by Britt

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-21

Amazing Britt, Simply amazing. The warmth and sadness I felt coming from this poem were unbelievable.. I liked the way you contrasted emotions, you wrote for someone special to help them, yet you also portrayed how sad and hard life is for them at the moment. Each line was breath taking and i'll tell you why, because you wrote it from the heart. This is one of the most heartfelt poems I have honestly ever read by you. It hit my heart and captured my soul. The person you wrote this for i'm sure will love this poem.


[So we'll string along some more lingering thoughts beyond your head, Because we all know your possibilities are shadowing themselves]

I loved that alot, stringing along lingering thoughts? how unique and original.



[Bring your heart into focus so there are no more battles with the brain
We all need a little enthusiasm to pull us along this distracting path]

This was really honest, I liked that about these two lines. The honesty you put into this poem was straight forward. Understanding yet so helpful.


[Prepare yourself from what has yet to come, harsh realities just began]

Another truely honest piece which said so much.


This whole poem was beautiful. It scks that I havn't commented many of your poems in awhile. I have missed them. Definitly a 5/5 from me. ~Mel

Of Chaos And Eternal Night (7)
by Britt

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-07

This piece was simply amazing. What more can I really say. It captured my emotions and held onto them with a tight grip letting what you were portraying pour over me.

Your word choice really vivid, I love how you write and always have. When I first joined this poetry site you were one of the first peoples poems I started reading and really getting into =]

What a great thing to read first thing in the morning.

~Mel

Don`t Tell Me You Love Me (18)
by Timothy r

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-06

The repetition of that certain like really created something beautiful within my heart. This poem held alot of emotions which tempered with my feelings while reading it. The title was great I loved it because even from that I could feel the sadness. A gorgeous poem. ~Mel

Promises of a Dark Tongued Dancer (5)
by Timothy r

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-06

This was a really deep piece, erotic and interesting from start to finish. I loved the meaning portrayed behind it, It had me captured from start to finish and I didn't bore at all. A poweful and naughty little piece. Well done =]

Birds Cry, and I Fly (5)
by Andrea Sunny

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-03

The title really caught my attention I loved it expecially it's own little rhyme it had within it. This piece had such gorgeous imagery which really swept me away. The topic interesting as always with your poems and your word choice so powerful. Overal such a great piece. ~Mel

Queen of the damned (24)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-10-26

Yet again, such an amazingly written piece by you. the atmosphere you created was so very dark deep and eerie. I love your word choice as always they manage to take my breath away. You pick words that are not used in everyday speech which is what makes your words so great. Loved each line. You know i'm such a big fan of your work. Keep on writing so I can keep on reading. ~Mel

Straw Angel (29)
by Willow

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-10-18

Truely a beautiful piece. You wrote this with so much elegance. Imagery was gorgeous. From such a simple title which I must say was unique you wrote a poem which captured my heart. Well done with this piece of work. I enjoyed reading it from start to finish. ~Mel

Duct Taped Mind (7)
by Spirit

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-10-17

Ok, The title definitly caught my eye. An interesting topic you had chosen for this poem. Control. A big thing which effects people in everyday life and you expressed it so well. I felt as though you feel you've been controlled before because of the way you described it, it seemed to be so real. The poem was amazing definitly such an enjoyable read. Keep up the great work. ~Mel

Kissing You In The Rain (24)
by Darien

commented by SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-26

I found this poem quite enjoyable to read. the story that was portrayed throughout the poem was interesting not one part bored me. It wasn't cliche at all which is great because I'm getting sick of reading the same poems over and over, or so it feels i am. The imagery was vivid your description was really beautiful. I found this to be really sweet. The structure was fooling at first when i saw how the lines were set out (longer in some places and shorter in others) i thought that the flow would become off because you might of lost the syllable count. but i was wrong the flow was amazing and this whole poem was definitly beautiful. Guess that teaches me "Never to judge a book by its cover" Well done with this definitly a 5/5 from me. ~mel

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