Praised comments by NyellMoonlight

Mutual Death (25)
by Nema

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-12

This is certainly a poem, and, in my opinion, a great one. I love free verse, and you managed to get the best of it here. You created good flow, and the meaning of your words is filled with deep emotions and it's truly heartfelt.
I like how this seems simple, yet it's so intricate and deep.

I have just one small critique- maybe you can replace the word 'die' in the second stanza with the one with similar meaning [for example- perish] because the repetition of that word in the next stanza ruined the flow a bit, and I think that its place in the last stanza is more effective.

Other than that, this is utterly amazing. Excellently written.

Satin Sheets to Lie On (10)
by Luanne

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-11

First off, I really like the atmosphere that you crated throughout the poem. It's captivating in a way, and it trapped my attention from the first stanza. I wish this piece was longer because it is really enjoyable and greatly written, yet this length only made the expressed emotions and descriptions more powerful. The poem is beautiful and heartfelt, with mixed emotions which are being complimented with amaizng vividness of every stanza.

Scent, Chanel No.5
faux perhaps, just like her Gucci
knock-off version of a lady
illusion Queen - she is
^^^
Breathtaking introduction. To me, every word seems perfectly placed. I love how descriptive and intense this stanza is, it pulled me deeply into the poem.

I really like the second stanza, too, it's fantastic continuation of the first one, and it's truly effective. The capitalized letters for LIES added interesting twist to the flow. The only thing that I have to critique here [make a suggestion] is the ending of the stanza. Maybe it would be more effective for the sake of the flow if it is written like this-

She was there, before me,
today ...

About the last stanza- The first line was, in my personal opinion, weaker than the rest of the stanza, because the rest of it had some flavor that matched the rest of the poem, and the first line was different somehow.

Overall, I really enjoyed in this write. Those two things that I pointed out as the flaws are minor to the poetical beauty of the whole poem.

Prevailing Winds (9)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-10

I like how you intertwined emotions with nature elements here, you created captivating atmosphere. Whole piece is vivid, and I could clearly imagine every stanza. Although sad in a way, this piece contains an amount of true beauty and elegance.

- How ironic the barren field in Winter
Prevailing winds scattering bluebirds-
^^
Powerful beginning for the poem, it made me feel the coldness of winter excellently portrayed in just two lines, which contrasted the next line where you mentioned summer atmosphere, and that made those two lines stand out even more.

- I dream of myriad adventures
You in the 4th of July corn, hide and seek
Hot, sunburned, no hint of blue tomorrow-
^^^
I love these lines, too, they're beautiful and descriptive, filled with inspirational positivity.
I like how you separated notions with commas instead of using fillers [hot AND sunburned, for example] which made the flow truly effective.

One Sweet Morn...(Triple Lanturne) (30)
by Genuine Lavender

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-10

Soso,
this is amazing, so effective from the beginning to the end. I never tried writing this form, but it seems to me like you managed to use it to create such a superb poem with great rhythm and fantastic choice of words. I like how short yet meaningful it is, you captured so much beauty and poetic atmosphere in just a few lines. Some descriptions are utterly astonishing, like "blood born jasmine", "shy dewdrops"...
Vivid and truly beautiful write. I enjoyed every line.

Yesterday's Shadow (5)
by Luanne

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-09

I like this piece a lot, it has serene flow and it's contains such captivating elegance in every stanza. Your choice of words is great, and I like the topic that you picked, I think that you delivered the message of the poem in a really good way.

- O' heart that spirals endlessly
upon promised wings, broken
emotional tide, rise and fall
truth buried in words unspoken-
^^^
My favorite stanza. This is absolutely amazing opening, flawless and wonderfully written. It immediately caught my attention and made me want to read more.

The rhymes throughout the poem, although not so original, created fantastic flow.

- a path of genuine colors
that links your heart, to mine -
^^^
Beautiful lines.

Overall, this is enjoyable read.

Lily Maid of Astelot (6)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-23

Such creative write, sad, heartfelt and enchanting at the same time. You created astonishing atmosphere which perfectly matches the topic of the poem. I like your choice of words throughout the piece, so beautiful and intricate.
The repetition added great effect to the flow and storyline within the poem. Overall, I wish it was longer, because you pulled me in deeply from the first stanza, and I could clearly imagine every line as it unfolded.

- Come troubadours! Come balladeers!
Entice wood thrush, robin, wren
Play sweet notes of requiems
As funeral dirges begin-
^^^
My favorite stanza. It's truly powerful, and to me, the poem culminates here, with the most emotional and effective part of it.

I like how the piece offered sensations for all senses- flowers in the first and the last stanza, birds in the second one, vividness of the imagery...

Great write.

Forget the Risk and Take the Fall. (6)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-05

Lovely. Your words never fail to amaze me.
Metaphors are truly great through the whole piece. Connection of emotions and nature worked so well in every stanza, and created such magnificent atmosphere. The repetition of 'like' at the beginnings of the first three stanzas made the flow serene and steady, so the fourth stanza which broke the concept turned out so effective. Nature elements are surely a superb way to highlight the intensity of expressed emotions. Also, your descriptions are beautiful, portrayed with memorable vividness. Whole poem holds some elegance and a whole spectrum of sensations and colors.
I like the repetition of "I fell for you", it added to great effect the flow and meaning of the piece but I expected the ending, so I don't find it powerful as the rest of the piece. I don't want you to get me wrong, you ended it well [the ending lines reflect emotions portrayed throughout the piece] but it lacks surprise effect that I prefer when it comes to endings.
Overall, I think that you did great job with this poem. I like this new writing style of yours, it's complex and really refreshing. Kudos for that :)

Consuming Darkness (19)
by Hardly Matters Now

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-28

First off, I really like your choice of words throughout the poem. Also, your descriptions are quite powerful in each stanza. Every line paints such a vivid picture, and I could clearly imagine it unfolding in front of my eyes. Overall, truly powerful.

Whole piece flows greatly despite the longer lines. I have just one suggestion for the flow-
in the line "While I gaze through a diminutive and vaporous window" maybe you can remove 'and'. I think that it flows better like this-
"While I gaze through a diminutive, vaporous window"

The second stanza is my favorite one because it's truly effective, but the repetition of the word 'trees' within the stanza bothered me. Maybe you can replace it in one place with 'branches'- "Branches dancing to the rhythm..."

- As if all the sinister creatures of a mysterious world
Collaborate to betray our credulous human eyes-
^^^
I love these lines, they sound so mysterious, and they contain such captivating, dark sensations. It would be more effective if those lines were the closure of the piece. In my opinion, the last stanza could be:

- And for a short moment I wasn't deceived by mendacity
But the darkness promptly blinded me of my vision
As if all the sinister creatures of a mysterious world
Collaborate to betray our credulous human eyes-


Overall, I really enjoyed in this write. It holds such amazing atmosphere and descriptions.
Greatly written.

Don't Pursue; It Will Find You. (16)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-23

I've read this piece when you posted it and I was completely mesmerized by your words, but I haven't had time to leave detailed comment until now.

This is definitely my new favorite from you. It's so effective, with those short lines and interesting layout.

First off, your choice of words from the beginning to the end is truly powerful. The pictures that you painted in every stanza are amazingly vivid.
Also, this whole write is so deep. Profound in so many ways. I like the message. It's simply captivating and memorable.
Those lines with internal rhymes between the stanzas added extra effect to the whole piece. Use of the title as the ending was clever, it's great conclusion for the whole poem. Your metaphors throughout the piece amazed me, too.

I can't highlight my favorite stanza because I love every one of them. Whole piece is flawless to me, as I already said, certainly one of your best works.

Honestly, I'm in awe.
Excellently written.

Inferno (21)
by Genuine Lavender

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-17

Wow, Soso, I am honestly amazed. Fantastic piece, it seems flawless.

I like the imagery that you portrayed from the beginning to the end, it endlessly vivid and powerful. I could clearly imagine the whole scene unfolding. Your descriptions brought superb atmosphere mixed with intensity of the described scene.
I can't highlight favorite parts, I truly love every line of this. It's so effective.
This piece is certainly one of my favs. from you.

Excellently written.
Keep up :)

The 1972 quarter (4)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-15

Wow, John, this is utterly amazing. I haven't read anything as heartfelt as this in a while. Whole piece is deeply touching, and the emotions are brilliantly expressed from the beginning to the end.

- My favorite color is an inappropriate emotion.-
^^^
Powerful opening line. I just had to continue reading after this. It's so original and seemingly simply said, yet truly deep.

- a koi-faced lamb
wandering among sheep,
an unholy anomaly,
my immortal curse-
alienation.-
^^^
I can relate to this part in so many ways. Excellently written. I like your choice of words- you managed to say so much with just few lines which is impressive.

-
born on a coin toss
of an abortion crib,
with a lip dangling cigarette.
draw hard-
exhale-
injected genes are the enemy,
clouded life experience
the nemesis.
shadowed-
by mirrored imaged
memories.-
^^^
My favorite part. This is memorable indeed, endlessly effective. I read the poem three times and this stanza stuck deeply into my thoughts. It's the most powerful part of the piece.

Also, the ending is great, excellently connected to the previous stanza.
Overall, I enjoyed this from the first to the last line.

Keep up :)

Revolving Doors (4)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-14

First off, I am completely open minded for this. I have several pieces written this way, but I haven't posted them here yet.

First Stanza- The beginning (first line of the poem) is brilliant. After those words, I just had to continue reading. It's like telling a retrospective story, and it's also so powerful as a metaphor.
The first stanza is my favorite one. I love every line. The wording seems simple but it created such effective atmosphere. I like the hint of narration, too. Whole first stanza seems so mysterious, and I couldn't wait to see how it continues.

Second Stanza- "touched me lips"-- did you mean "touch my lips".
I think that you should put a semi colon after "I told him once", because it becomes so powerful with longer pause there when it's read out loud.
Overall, this is great continuation of the piece. At first, I thought that the repetition could be done better, but when I read it twice I realized it shouldn't be changed, it's effective as it is. I like the imagery here, too. I like how you developed the story from the first stanza.

Third Stanza- I find this interesting. Whole poem sounds like some nightmarish dream to me, and this part fits that interpretation, too.
I don't like the repetition of 'door' in the first line, because you have the word "doors" again as the ending of the stanza. Other than that, it's quite powerful.

Fourth Stanza- I like this. I don't know why, but it made me smile. I certainly didn't expect it to end this way, but the surprise factor is a good thing lol I like how you connected it to previous stanza with rhymes.

Overall, I like this. It is different as you said, but definitely in a good way.

Call Me Medusa If You Must (6)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-14

I read this piece when you posted it, and now I finally back on it.

First off, the title itself is so intriguing. I love mythology, so it pulled me in right away.
Whole idea and the metaphors that you uses are, in my opinion, brilliant. Whole piece is filled with well described resentment towards someone, it seems serene in some dark way and so dramatic at the same time. The piece definitely has a world of its own, the atmosphere of every stanza is dark, but alluring in a way. I like the hints of sarcasm throughout the poem.

I fell in love with the first stanza a moment I read it. It's surely an amazing beginning. It holds so much meaning, and it's penned greatly, but the third stanza and the ending lines are my favorite, so powerful and memorable.

- I'll admit my appeal to
Hades, is no more then
subtle illusion. Though as
Aphrodite beckoned, of
course you'd answer her call-
^^^
Flawless. I like the meaning behind this, whole metaphor, the words you used, reference to the Greek mythology, whole atmosphere.

I can find beauty and elegance within 'dark' poetry, and this piece definitely has it, not in the message itself, but in the way it's delivered to the readers.

Another superb poem by you, Mel.

Gluttonous (6)
by L e n o r e

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-13

I missed reading your poetry, but I haven't had much time lately. This is another amazing piece written by you.

First off, your metaphors here are simply impressive. I love the concept of this write from the beginning to the end, along with interesting atmosphere that you created. Expressed emotions are intense, yet not so directly exposed which suits my taste for poetry. You are always able to leave me staring at the computer screen in awe, and this was the case with this poem, too.

- If I reach out, I could peel off your fingers
wrapped around my glass heart. Try to brush
away your embossed fingerprints.-
^^^
Interesting and powerful opening. I admire uniqueness of these lines, they caught my attention and made me want to see how the poem will develop.

- Your incandescent irises remove the barricades inside
until like a derelict pond, the surface no longer reflects.-
^^^
Breathtaking... so vivid. I love those lines, and i can deeply relate to them. Emotions expressed here simply crawl beneath the reader's skin.

- Never was one to narrate my own story.
Always so pleased to listen to yours because only
your voice can fill the crater you made.-
^^^
This is seemingly simpler than the rest of the poem, yet it's so deep and heartfelt, somewhat magnetic. Elegantly said, with a whole spectrum of feelings excellently expressed. This is my favorite part of the poem.

- And every time your song starts, I try singing along with you
but I never know the words.-
^^^
Equally sad and beautiful, touching in so many ways. I believe there are so many people that can relate to this. Wonderful, great metaphor.

- Yet, I leave the meadow every time you call
because you need me under your starlight eyes.
Only to feed me your thorn pricks memories.-
^^^
Creative closure, it sums up the poem, especially within the last line.

Overall, I deeply enjoyed in every line and I wish this was longer.

Keep writing, you have great talent and amazing writing skills.

These Eyes Echo Twilights (7)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-13

Amazed, amazed, amazed...
I need few moments to catch my breath... right now I'm simply speechless...
What a poem, Mel, remarkable in so many different ways. I don't like to repeat myself, but I each poem of yours is a gem, and I have to say again how much I admire your creative ideas for the poems. This one could be my new favorite from you, it makes me want to read it over and over again just to find all the fantastic details of elegant dark atmosphere that you created.
Everything is portrayed excellently, and I really can't be helpful nor critical right now, just amazed.
I'm honored you wrote this with the title I thought of :)
There is no point in analyzing each stanza separately, because every line is equally... I can't find the word strong enough to describe it, actually.
Overall, I'm in love with this poem. Love it, love it :)

Keep writing!

Song Of Yearning (Prose) (20)
by Genuine Lavender

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-13

First off, I love this piece, it's astonishing from the beginning to the end. The atmosphere that you created impressed me, and I really like your choice of words.

I have just one suggestion. In the first line, "leaning on edge", It would be better like this, with an article- "leaning on the edge".
Other than that^^^ this write was flawless to me. I can't express how deeply I enjoyed every line, and I wish it was longer.

You created another masterpiece. Again, your usage of descriptions inspires me. I can't pick my favorite part of the poem, because there are so many simply wonderful lines. I'm in awe in front of such beauty, truly.

The piece flows greatly despite of its unusual format, and every part of it is equally beautiful, gentle and elegant in so many different ways.

I really lack the words to describe everything I'm feeling right now.

Keep writing, you have wonderful talent :)

Trench Warefare Of Artillery Hearts (8)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-03

Mel, I missed your poetry so much :)
I love the whole metaphor, it's brilliant, so refreshing. This is definitely one of the best poems I've read in a while. The imagery that you portrayed absolutely amazed me, it's so vivid, and this poem holds a world of its own. Also, I like the choice of words throughout the piece, it's effective and it made the poem truly unique.

I can relate to the topic in a way, it made this piece closer to me, simply heartfelt. Your emotional descriptions are overwhelming, creative and every stanza made me really think about it. I feel like I could re-read this piece so many times and don't get enough of its astonishing atmosphere.

The beginning pulled me in, especially these lines within the first stanza-
"Though he'll catch me;
is it really worth falling
into the gas chambers of war"
^^^
endlessly original. greatly written.

- The western front of his heart
is like a match within the night.-
^^^
I love these lines, they're so vivid.

The second stanza is my favorite one, it holds the most powerful atmosphere.
Also, the ending lines round up whole piece excellently.

I really wish I could give you some constructive criticism, but I personally think that this poem doesn't need it. It's flawless to me.

Keep writing, I hope you'll post more of your newer work soon :)

Melted Alphabets (22)
by Genuine Lavender

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-02

I have to say that this is absolutely breathtaking. -remarkable- is the first word that came to my mind while I was reading this. You have true talent for writing poems and I really liked every piece of yours I've read so far, but this could be my favorite one because of its elegance and endless beauty that shines through every line, from the beginning to the end. It's hard to be critical in front of the magic of this piece, because it took me to completely different, poetical world and made me feel little pieces of emotions that you excellently portrayed, and that is, to me, the highest level one poem can reach.
Overall, this is one of those rare, inspirational gems. It goes straight to my favorites list.

Amazingly written, Soso :) Keep up!

Color me Happy. (28)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-15

I'll need a moment to catch my breath...
Wow... This is my new favorite from you, definitely.
All in all, I can't find anything to critique here. From the beginning to the end, the write is technically flawless.
The vocab used throughout the poem is magnificent. I really can't express how much I enjoyed in every word, every elegantly portrayed picture. I love the fact that every line of the piece holds so vivid and beautiful imagery.
This is one of those poems that I could read over and over again, and every time find something new between the lines. The emotions are brilliantly expressed, on such poetical and original way.
You used a lot of adjectives on right places to make whole atmosphere of the poem simply heartfelt and unforgettable.

- Optimism- A word once grasping infinite faith
Now merely a vacant utterance blankly ignored-
^^^
I love how you said this. Many people can relate to those lines, yet you made it sound so refreshing and unique.

- Wrapping alluring hues of turquoise around bleak heart
Infusing melodic luster in crevices muted by insipid hope
Entwining tints of dazzling passion with clearly sewn ardor-
^^^
These are my favorite lines. I love your choice of words here, and the intensity of expressed emotions is overwhelming. Greatly written.

Also, the ending is excellent, especially the last line of the poem. I really wish it was longer, I deeply enjoyed in every stanza.

Keep up!

Beheading of Gravel Toes (10)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-09

First off, the title is really eye-catching. Kudos for that.

- Innocent feet fumble along piled gravel,
wincing at the roughness of a lonely earth--
outweighing the beauty of this child.-
^^^
All in all, this is nicely written, but I personally missed some more powerful expression to represent the poem itself, since this is the first stanza that should pull the reader deeply into the poem. I like it, but it didn't really catch my attention. I don't want to offend you, this is just my opinion.

- Nevermore begins to strap itself with love,
tightly winding through these gravel paths--
bedeviled by the Big Foot's spoor.-
^^^
Very unique and creative, I love the way you wrote this stanza, it is great continuation of the beginning and together with the first stanza it seems more powerful and compact. I don't like the repetition of the word "Gravel' here, but other than that it's greatly worded.

- Extortion of a plastered heart, grabbing
with wobbler syndrome patent.
Invited were the soft cradle-songs--
tumbrels hidden in disguise.-
^^^
Again, so creative. I like the within this stanza, they can be deciphered in so many ways. This part is utterly amazing. Your choice of words is powerful and whole stanza is truly effective.

- Have a guillotine--
or two.-
^^^
Mind-blowing. It impressive- you said so much within just two short lines.

- under jurisdiction rule:
to love is to slaughter logic so--
unto this martyr, my lips give dignity;
send forward thy execution-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza from the poem, every line is remarkable and absolutely flawless, excellently written. Those four lines left me speechless. I' haven't read piece as original as this one for a while.

- for you...
skies cease to breathe
--rescue for dear clumsy toes,
as gravity stops falling.-
^^^
Majestic ending that simply left me in awe.

Overall, my conclusion is that the poem gets better and better with every stanza, and the whole atmosphere culminates with the guillotine part. This is different from the poems that I've read from you, but it's so refreshing. I think that you did great job.
Well deserved 5/5 from me.

The Eyes Rarely Lie (5)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-07

Just for the record -lol- I have read every one of your latest pieces, and I am really sorry that I haven't had enough time to leave detailed comments.

I'll start with two small critiques-
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that "then" in the fourth stanza should be "than". Also, in that stanza, a comma instead of a full stop in the second line would create better rhythm.

Other than that ^^ this piece is absolutely flawless. You expressed emotions on such creative way. Every stanza holds great, deep meanings. This is different than you usual writes, but it's still mind-blowing.

- Beneath the particals I
restricted sight. Visions of
destruction plagued Jupiter.-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza from the poem, it's so unique and creative.

Every metaphor and description within the poem are excellent. Also, I really like the ending, it's so dark and powerful, it fantastically highlighted the intensity of those feelings.
The repetition was also interesting addition, it added extra effect to the poem.

Keep up!

His Palm Became My Dictionary (22)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-07

Congratulations on the win, really well deserved.
I've read this poem when you posted it and it truly impressed me, but I only had time for "Amazing job" one-liner so I figured it's better not to comment at all.
I'll be detailed now :)

- His palm became my dictionary
emended by pastel lines
held together by comparison
contrasted by conclusion.-
^^^
Fantastic beginning. The first line is so creative, it caught my attention and I really wanted to read more. I love the rest of the stanza, too, it's powerful and it represents great introduction for the rest of the piece.

- He once asked me to differentiate
love; though chalk petals touched
my tongue. Never considering index
I defined lust. -
^^^^
My favorite part of the poem. This stanza took my breath away. It's brilliant, amazingly worded, and the whole metaphor left me in awe. I love how the last line's shorter than the rest, it created interesting rhythm. I can relate to this stanza, too, which made it even more effective for me.

- I spell-checked my words studiously,
curious to why he had turned away.
Only to realize fraud becomes obsession
when you lie yourself to sleep.-
^^^^
Superb continuation of the previous stanza. I especially like the first line, the metaphor within is truly original. Greatly written.

- I was once asked to define love:
but realized it was too late. -
^^^^
At first I thought that the poem ending's to sudden, because I really wanted it to be longer, but when I re-read it, I realized it ends perfectly. You managed to put so many emotions in these two lines which is amazing.

Overall, I love this piece, it's already stored in my favorites.
Keep up :)

Velvet Whispers of a Tempted Heart. (15)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-04

This poem is, as all of your pieces are, technically flawless. I mean, there are no grammar/ spelling mistakes to be fixed, and it flows perfectly.

I like the rhyme scheme through the whole piece. Some rhymes are truly refreshing and not so ordinary which is great.

Also, the emotions that you portrayed here deeply touched me. I like your love poetry a lot because it always leave me in awe, it is filled with deep feeling, truly heartfelt, and this piece is not an exception. Beautifully written.

Overall, I really enjoyed in this poem from the beginning to the end. The wording and flow, combined with vividly expressed emotions created flawless piece of poetry.

Keep up :)

A Lost Friend (4)
by a broken smile with a broken heart its a poets life

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-03

I'll start with two critiques:

A suggestion about the last stanza- I think that you need comma in the fourth line, because it flows better that way when it's being read out loud. Like this- "I'm trying to save him, he says"-. A comma in that place makes reader to take a short brake and it's more effective.

The second critique- The line "I offer him a true friend" threw me off a bit. I don't want to offend you, this is just my opinion. Maybe you can edit it, and replace the word "friend" with "friendship" or something like that.

Except those ^^ minor things, I really liked this piece of poetry. The most amazing thing about the poem are the emotions that you put in every single line, whole poem is filled with an amount of heartbreaking feelings. I like how simple it sounds, but it holds true power and you managed to convey the message on a really good way.

All in all, this is truly nicely written.

Four Angels (16)
by Cindy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-09-03

I am honestly impressed with this piece of poetry. Whole poem is deeply touching and truly greatly written. Your descriptions made the whole scene unfold in front of me, amazingly vivid.

Also, you created fantastic rhythm and flow from the beginning to the end.

- Eerie silence heavy in the air
Searching through rubble wiping tears
Four sweet Angels sit at God's knees
Eternity now without fear-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza from the poem, it is so powerful.

This piece is memorable, excellent in every way.

Keep up!

Tempting Skin. (11)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-04

A poem with short lines from you, I can't believe this lol

Whole piece is amazing, so captivating and elegant. The flow that you created from the beginning to the end is perfect, although you can maybe change one "my" in the first stanza, the second line would sound better like this:
"Radiant smile hypnotizes heart", because you already stated in the first line that the poem is in first person. Other than that, I can't find anything to critique here. Whole atmosphere of this piece is lovable, beautiful in so many ways. I didn't expected twist in the third stanza, it added tones of sadness to the beauty of the piece which created effective contrast. I like those two lines written separately from the stanzas, they hold essence of the beginning and the ending of the poem.

Overall, this is another mesmerizing poem from you. I love to read your love poetry, it always feels like it's written straight from the heart and it holds whole spectrum of emotions; this poem is not an exception.

Greatly done.
Keep up!

Beneath The Stars We Breathe Selfishly (5)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-04

I've read this piece when you submitted it, but I haven't hat enough time to comment it. I read it for the third time now and it simply gets better and better every time.

This is shorter than your other pieces, yet you managed to express emotions excellently. This poem is so deep and it can be interpreted in many ways which is great, because although it sounds like it's personal, written straight from the heart, many people can relate to it in different ways. I interpret this piece [although you probably hadn't that in mind when you wrote it lol] like- a girl cheated on someone she loves, and now she fights regrets.
- I'd trim the strings of violins;
if I thought it would stop sorrow. -
^^
In my interpretation, those lines speak about her feelings after the things she did; she remembers the sound of violins from the night of her deception.

- The world is a bitter place when;
stars have forsaken the sky.-
^^^
Here, the second line can mean- when she forgot about the strenght of her love.

- Lilac impressions accumulate,
Whispering scents of famish.-
^^
The first line holds a memory, again, so the scent of lilacs entwines with sound of violins; the second line speaks of the memory of the lust she felt.

- Inner light forgive me,
I danced with the devil.-
^^
Those lines speak of the intensity of her regrets.

The ending lines, in my interpretation, hold another memory- she, selfishly, wanted to forget about the man she loves for one night.

I probably misunderstood the poem, but I had to try to decipher it lol

Overall, I love everything about this piece, especially all those descriptive details that made this poem so sad and beautiful at the same time. You portrayed breathtaking imagery, too.

That Sweet Taste Upon My Lips (6)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-04

Wow...

I'm speechless in a way. Your latest pieces are simply brilliant, but I haven't had time to leave detailed comments on them when I read them. This poem is fantastic in so many ways.
First off, I love the atmosphere that you created: this is eerie, dark and seductive in the same time, it's haunting and memorable. Your choice of words here is perfect, every stanza holds amazing descriptions that brought me to completely different world.

-
-Cacodemonic I am,
Lips tainted of glory
Declining;
Dracula once fell,
into limbs of invite.-
^^^
Breathtaking beginning, it pulled me deeply into the poem. I couldn't wait to read more. This is so powerful and unique. I have just one suggestion. You could write the first line like this:
Cacodemonic I am-
I think that it needs intenser pause, so the comma just slowed the flow.

- Venturing from darkness
was his weakness, for
the scent of blood in her
eyes.
Illuminated
misconception;
staked thine heart.-
^^^
I don't understand why you used semi colon before the last line, it would maybe be better with comma. Other than that, this is another flawless stanza. It holds deeper dark atmosphere than the first one, and the imagery left me speechless.

- Cacodemonic I am,
The Queen of bats.
Blood upon these hands;
create a scent of desperation.
Glory to my taste buds
I abstracted Dracula from
his throne. -
^^^
The repetition of the line from the beginning is truly effective here. I love two ending lines here, they're so unexpected and mysterious.
Again, I don't think that the semi colon is needed at the end of the third line, it detaches beginning of the stanza from the rest of it.
This is my favorite part from the poem.

- A modern lamia;
Seducing Dracula to death. -
^^^
The ending left me speechless. It is powerful, and I think that that is remarkable closure to this poem. Greatly done.

Overall, I think that you did excellent job with this piece. It's surely going to my favorites.

Keep up!

Dream Catcher (7)
by L e n o r e

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-26

Wow...
I'm speechless, I haven't read a poem like this one for so long...
First off, this is impressive. Every stanza left me in awe. I love the atmosphere that you created from the beginning to the end, and your choice of words is simply precious and mind-blowing. This wasn't confusing for me at all, I find your metaphors endlessly beautiful and brilliant. I can relate to this poem in a way which made this read even more powerful to me.
The repetition left great impression on me, you created fantastic flow/rhythm through the whole poem. This piece is so deep and original, it holds an amount of emotions that I could actually feel while I was reading every line, which was amazing.

I read this twice and tried to find favorite stanza/lines to highlight in the comment, but every stanza is equally perfect, with mixed poetical beauty and heartbreaking feelings.
Excellently written piece. It's certainly going to my favorites.

Haiku #34 (1)
by PygmyPuff

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-11

I like this piece a lot, it is deep and meaningful, and the fact that you managed to express your emotions greatly within such short poem impressed me. This poem is truly excellently written, it is different from anything I've read before and it tells whole story in just three lines which is, honestly, utterly brilliant. You always had an ability to amaze me with your poetry and this is one of those pieces that simply leave me in awe. Overall, this is endlessly profound and memorable. I can relate to the poem which made whole read even more powerful to me.
Greatly done,
keep up!

Midnight Misery (8)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-25

First off, you should add that line as the ending, I think that it is really effective and it represents great conclusion to this poem.

"[Memory lane's better than living without us anyway.]"
^^^
This line refuses to leave my thoughts, it is so powerful and memorable. I love it and I can deeply relate to it.
Whole poem sounds like it's written straight from the heart and I could truly feel your words in every single stanza. I like the flow of the whole poem, too, and the atmosphere that you created excellently portrayed emotions.

I have just one critique: there are too many "I", "you", "me" in the poem which ruined the rhythm on some places, but I guess that that's minor, because you have great choice of words from the beginning to the end and I think that this is one of those pieces that can touch the reader deeply, at least it truly touched me.
Keep up!

The Never Ending Love Song. (20)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-15

Just one critique (this may sound senseless to you lol)- the word "giddy" threw me off a bit. There is not a particular reason, I just personally dislike that word. O.k. Ignore this lol

The title is eye-catching. You created lovely atmosphere within this poem, painted so vivid pictures with words from the beginning to the end. I enjoyed this piece very much, it made me smile and truly touched me. You used more punctuation that you usually do, which created great rhythm in the poem.

- "I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning; it's just you and me,"
Eagerly lingers the reality with words beautiful of the never ending love song. -
^^^
These are my favorite lines of the poem. Amazingly written, intense and memorable. This is excellent ending to this piece and it holds a spectrum of overwhelming emotions. I love it.

Overall, greatly written piece.

Pause; A zoom in behind her face (6)
by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-07

This is so intense from the beginning to the end, one of the most powerful poems I've read in a while. I really can't fully describe how I feel right now- the emotions that you excellently expressed through each stanza are breathtaking and truly overwhelming. I like the way you wrote this- every line is so effective, with great choice of words and memorable atmosphere, haunting in a way. Also, the imagery unraveled with every word in the piece, creating so vivid images in my mind. The rhyme scheme and flow also seem flawless to me. I love your newer pieces, they're so original and heartfelt and this one is not an exception. I would maybe rearrange the structure of the poem a bit to create more captivating rhythm because some lines are quite longer than the others, but that's minor critique compared to this amazing piece.
Greatly done, Alex.

Writing (10)
by H E Losey

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-06

I remember that I've already read this piece once and I loved it, I just haven't had time to leave comment then.
First off, I admire the fact that you managed to say so much within just three stanzas. This poem is vivid and deep, truly memorable. I like every stanza, they are powerful and seemingly simple yet really powerful. I have only one suggestion: maybe you can add some more punctuation signs to create more powerful flow? I liked the way it flows and its captivating rhythm but some more punctuation would highlight the message even better.
Overall, this is enjoyable read. Greatly done.

No, She's Not Alright (23)
by Fading Away

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-25

The topic is cliche but you wrote this piece nicely. I like the flow that you created from the beginning to the end, it is natural. Some rhymes are typical, a bit overused so that bothered me on some places. All in all, I think that many people can relate to this piece. You managed to express emotions very well through the piece.

- Hiding among the shadows,
her cries echo into the night.
The tears trickle silently but,
Do you now still think she's alright?-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza, it holds many touching feelings and it represents effective ending for this piece.

Overall, nicely done. Personally, I prefer more metaphorical poetry but this is truly enjoyable read.

Keep up!

Simplicity Of I Miss You (2)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-22

I like this piece a lot. It filled with heartbreaking sadness yet it is equally beautiful and elegant. The flow that you created is flawless. It's impressive that you managed to say so much within just three stanzas, you expressed emotions excellently and I could feel every line. The imagery of the whole piece is very vivid and memorable.

- Roses bloom though not quite in heart,
Rain holds chill to my dampened bones,
I'll sing our melody to early morning,
Yet stop to stare at illuminated skies.-
^^^
This stanza posses deep sadness wrapped in lovely images. Great beginning, it really pulled me into the piece. Whole stanza sounds like it holds pure emotions, written straight from the heart which makes it truly heartfelt.

- Birds will whistle to scents of glory,
Moulding sadness upon tiresome eyes.
Of course I'll pray to my dearly love,
Yet cold whispers turn orange to Grey.-
^^^
I like "scents of glory" description a lot. Breathtaking stanza which I could clearly picture as it unraveled. The last line amazed me, it is simply said yet so effective and emotional.

- Distant winds magnify hurricane storm
of the memory's which make rivers run.
Spring time once held a seasonal beauty,
Yet without you winter has now become. -
^^^^
My favorite stanza. Great ending to this piece. "Memory's" should be "memories".

Overall, this is enjoyable read, another poetical gem from you.

Keep up!

Spice Labour (2)
by FTS Miles

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-22

Short yet truly amazing piece. I like the whole atmosphere that you created from the beginning to the end, it is beautiful. Very elegant piece, with natural flow. I admire the fact that you managed to say so much within such short poem. Whole metaphor is fantastic and original, I've never read anything like this before. I love reading your poems because every one of them holds a little world of its own within and I feel like I'm stepping through enchanting vividness every time, and this poem is not an exception.
I have to highlight this description: "alchemy of spice"- brilliantly said.

Little Black Dress (acrostic) (7)
by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-16

I don't understand one thing- you described the girl's hair as "strawberry blond", how does that color look like? I would say "strawberry red" because that somehow makes more sense to me but maybe I just misunderstood your description.

All in all, I truly enjoyed in this piece. I like the imagery that you created, it is very vivid and I could clearly imagine every line as the poem unfolded, you did really great job with descriptions from the beginning to the end. Also, whole poem holds very captivating atmosphere which is memorable. I think that you did good job with rhymes, too because the flow of the whole piece is natural and really nice.

Overall, fantastic poem, 5/5 from me.

Lifeline (6)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-13

I just love your newest pieces lol so inspiring, so beautifully metaphorical.

I know that rhyming poetry isn't exactly your style but it worked well here. Your rhymes are interesting and they don't seem forced at all which is, of course, great. I like internal rhymes, like "scream for dream" or "steel deal" (good one), they're very effective and with them, the flow became exciting. But, I personally dislike AABB rhyme scheme which bothered me here on some places, but well, it still was quite unique.
On to the imagery- remarkable and astonishing, portrayed with artistic, darkened descriptions. It's hard to chose favorite stanza cause there is too many great ones here. I like the twist within the last stanza, it's brilliant, like a ray of light within endless darkness.
This poem holds element of dark, love and poetry about life which is perfect combination.
Excellently done, Nix.

Made For Each Other (11)
by Karan

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-12

I deeply enjoyed in this piece, it is truly beautiful and greatly written from the beginning to the end.

I have just two critics: You should change every '&' with 'and', it would look nicer and in the last line "that be forever" is not used with correct tense. It should be "that'll be forever".

Overall, this is enjoyable read, a poetic gem filled with heartfelt emotions that flow through every stanza. I like the flow and rhythm that you created through the whole poem.

The first and the second stanza are my favorite, they pulled me deeply into this poem and every word there seem perfectly picked.

Great job :)
Keep up,
5/5 from me

I dream (21)
by Baby Rainbow

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-11

You should capitalize I through the poem.

This piece holds tones of overwhelming sadness that deeply touched me. Simplicity of whole poem highlighted sorrowful, heartfelt emotions that you portrayed. Nicely done.

Temples of Some Other Gods (7)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-10

Wow, wow...

I read this twice and I still can't fully grasp remarkable brilliance of this poem. Every stanza holds so powerful imagery and deep thoughts.

First Stanza: Excellently written opening stanza. Every line is simply impressive, but this:

- you are cursed, you are the devil?
Come to dance with
modern psychology;-
^
breathtaking, utterly remarkable. This piece is certainly one of my new favorites from you.
I like the choice of words and descriptions here a lot.

After the first stanza I didn't think that this could get any better but you managed to leave me in awe. I'm in I-wish-I-wrote-this state of mind :) Second stanza is overwhelmingly fantastic. Your creativity always impresses me.

You conveyed meaningful message in the third stanza and I love the simplicity of it, it broke the rhythm of the poem on interesting way.

I like how you connected the ending line with the beginning, it is very effective.

Overall, 5/5 from me. Excellently done!

Awaiting Clouds within Heavenly Visions (5)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-10

You truly know how to capture the reader's mind within web of images and profound meanings... this poem is utterly amazing.

First Stanza: This is great opening, very intriguing, made me wonder where this will go. Still, this stanza seem less effective than the rest of the poem. This stanza reminds me on your older work. I like 'beautiful madness description', so powerful.

Second Stanza: "emotional cores"... love it :) lol. Truly amazing continuation of the poem, filled with vivid descriptions. I like your choice of words here, it's creative.

Third Stanza: My favorite one. This part of the poem left me in awe. Superbly written, truly refreshing and original. The imagery is stunning and every word seem perfectly picked.

Fourth Stanza: wow, again. Every line holds amazingly deep meanings and the imagery is fantastic. The first line posses different tone than the rest of the stanza but that just amplified greatness of this stanza.

Overall, mind-blowing, deep poem.

Keep up!

Liquid Diamonds (5)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-09

Honestly, this is not one of my favorite pieces from you but I still like it a lot.

- Tasteful,
they are.
Though I'll admit;
they're not you.-
^^^
Interesting beginning. It confused me at first but when I re-read the poem it made more sense. Rhythm of this stanza is very effective with these broken lines.

- Liquid diamonds caress taste buds,
Poisoning venom to veins of blood,
"Diamonds are a girls best friend"
She whispered....
Mixed with cocaine based addiction.-
^^^
You had the word 'tasteful' in the first stanza, then 'taste buds' here so the repetition of the similar words threw me off a bit. Also, you don't need 'a' in the third line. It should be -"Diamonds are girl's best friend".-
I like the last line of this stanza a lot, it is powerful and it holds the meaning that sums up this stanza greatly.

- Glamorous visions compliment her mind,
Spotlights dance light upon sweet face,
Mesmerized by the mirrors of fine glory,
"Completed"..... or so she thought.
Though not me, not I. Not without you.-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza of the poem. I love the imagery that you created, you portrayed every line with creative adjectives and whole stanza is truly detailed. Your choice of words here is remarkable. I like the last line a lot, it holds fantastic meaning.

- Formication lost within your touch,
Licking salty wounds caressing eyes,
"Diamonds aren't a girls best friend"
I'll whisper....
After all they don't compare to you. -
^^^
Great choice of words and superb message. I think that you don't need 'a' in the third line but other than that I really like how you ended this poem. I like how you connected this stanza to the second one, it's very powerful.

Overall, 5/5 from me.

You Go To My Head. (4)
by Stephy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-09

I like this piece a lot, it is descriptive, very refreshing and original. I think that you expressed your emotions excellently through this piece.

Your choice of words is great from the beginning to the end and you portrayed truly creative imagery. Also, the whole piece posses very captivating atmosphere.

I like how you incorporated the title into the poem, it's effective as the ending of the piece.

- Your face dares to hold the most beautiful lines of confusion and your hand allows itself to be colored a dark color of distress.-'
^^^
I fell in love with this. Brilliant, truly excellently written.

Overall, 5/5 from me.

Dark Side of The Sun (2)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-09

- Shadows dripping, calling night,
The sun fades from the sky,
Insanity comes creeping in,
To strangle your reply.-
^^^
Very effective beginning which pulled me straight into the poem. I like your choice of words but I personally dislike the word 'creeping' and it threw me off a bit; still, you portrayed powerful imagery that brings the reader to completely different world.

- Blood is flowing down the walls,
You're drowning in the sea,
Crimson waves of deep regret,
Have swallowed all you'll be.-
^^^
I don't like the second line of this stanza, it somehow doesn't follow the rhythm of the rest of the poem, or at least it sound differently to me. The rest of the stanza is flawless, truly greatly written. You created eerie, truly memorable atmosphere.

- Drink the horror of this life,
Kill your mortal fears,
The past has left a string of ghosts,
Ringing in your ears.-
^^^
I like this a lot, it's very deep and haunting in a way. Truly vivid stanza, with remarkable dark imagery and atmosphere. I've never read a poem like this, you excellently mixed elements of dark poetry with profound poem about life.

- Demons hunt your burning soul,
Douse the bitter flame,
Let the night bring inspiration,
Replace this dirty shame.-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza, it is outstanding! Every single line paints so complex, dark yet alluringly artistic picture. This is breathtaking closure to this piece.

Digital Ghost (9)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-09

I think that this is the fourth time that I'm reading this piece and again, it's just wow!

First off, your choice of words is mind-blowing. Also, I love the whole concept of this piece along with interesting format and rhythm.

Just one critic: I think that the line-
"while we are trying to not hear,"
should be:
"while we are trying not to hear"

Other than that^^ this poem seem flawless to me, so powerful and brilliant.

This is probably one of my favorite pieces from you, I fell in love with each stanza and I deeply admire the way that you conveyed your message from the beginning to the end. Whole poem is really deep and meaningful, there are so many meanings behind every line.

I tried, but I can't decide which stanza is my favorite one. Whole poem stunned me and I really can't express how much I like it.

This is enjoyable, profound write that truly made me think of the world that we're living in.

The Spring Time of Her Voodoo (13)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-09

Overall, this is amazing piece. I think that this is the first love poem that you submitted to the site and honestly, I love it.

First off, this title fits the piece perfectly. I like the topic although I have to admit that I had to read the poem several times to fully grasp the meaning. Your metaphors are superb as always.

The repetition of 'once' 'twice' (and so on) is effective on some places but it threw me off on the others. I don't think that you should change anything about it, it just didn't fit the rhythm that I had in my head for this piece sometimes.

I like the choice of words from the beginning to the end, along with breathtaking atmosphere in every stanza.

The repetition of "once I had a secret" at the end is brilliant, it highlights some cycle of emotions.

All in all, excellently done.

Sporadic (8)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-08

Very powerful write. Whole poem sounds personal, like it's written straight from the heart yet I think that a lot of people can relate to this.

Overall, I liked this poem, just the stanza
"The song of life;
I lack harmony."
doesn't make sense to me because I don't see the connection between those lines. Maybe it would sound better like this:

- In the song of life,
I lack harmony.-

or

- The song of life
lacks harmony-

Other than that, whole poem has good rhythm and deep meaning.

- Sitting like a glacier;
fate is the Titanic.-
^^^
My favorite part from the poem. So effective and truly amazing lines, so true sometimes.

I like the ending lines a lot, they brought whole new spectrum of emotions and impressions to me and I really wish that this poem was longer.

Greatly written.

Mechanical Metropolis (1)
by Indian Comma Bean

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-08

I love this from the beginning to the end. The message is excellently conveyed and truly meaningful. I agree with this poem.
The atmosphere within whole piece is very vivid and effective. Also, your creativity shines through every stanza of this poem.

- Sitting here with the same pen,
Writing words I've seen to many times.
Sitting back observing the same
old day with a different name.-
^^^
excellent beginning, it pulled me straight into this piece. Amazing stanza with so powerful message. I can deeply relate to this feeling.

- The world we live in a mechanical metropolis,
Systematically we walk to the machine.
Scan our eyes so we're not late,
Adjust the tie for the cameras.-
^^^
My favorite stanza. I like your descriptions, they made the poem more effective. The choice of words here is fantastic. Details in this stanza are remarkable.

The ending is also great, it summed up this poem excellently.

Keep writing!

You Have the Sweetest Sadness in Your Eyes (19)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-07

You have one typo in the first line- 'girls' should be 'girl'.

All in all, this is great read. Your choice of words is good as always and the expressed emotions are overwhelming, so sincere and touching. This poem holds deep sadness described in such beautiful, truly poetic way. Your descriptions created remarkable atmosphere from the beginning to the end.

The second stanza is my favorite one- it is excellently written, very vivid, with stunning imagery and deeply touching feelings. I love every line of it and every word seem perfectly picked.

Description "weak strength" at the beginning of the last stanza threw me off a bit because those words seem too contradict, but that is the only thing that I didn't like about this piece.

I like small dialog at the end of the poem, it's very effective closure.

5/5

Dark Side of the Sun (23)
by Cayce

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-06

This is truly powerful dark piece, filled with amazing descriptions. I admire originality of this poem and your superb choice of words in every stanza. Also, the rhythm and flow are flawless from the beginning to the end.

"Let it be a haven for things left unsaid."
^^^
repetition of this line left great impression on me. This sounds elegant and serene and it holds deep emotions and message.

- Phantom whispers creep along walls,
Thoughts too disturbed to please ears.
Twilight always seems to hide these-
Cryptic, camouflaged fears.-
^^^
I love this stanza, it pulled me straight into the poem. It's perfectly worded, but the word " creep" threw me off a bit. I just personally dislike that word. Maybe the word 'crawl' would fit this stanza better. Anyway, this is excellent beginning with remarkable dark atmosphere.

- Silence screams secluded secrets.
Choking on stardust that gleams.
Lips sewed together, never to speak,
But ears still hear those screams.-
^^^
"Silence Screams"- how powerful. Amazing stanza, haunting, with eerie atmosphere. Great continuation of the poem, very descriptive. The third line is mind-blowing, it holds effective image and overwhelming helplessness which I could really feel while I was reading this.

- Lethal words carried up to the moon,
The harsh sunlight will never be won.
Darkness wraps me up in it's arms.
Hope lies on the dark side of the sun-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza... it's simply flawless and every word seem perfectly picked. Also, I love the word 'lethal' lol Overall, I like how you added the title in the poem, it is effective as the ending line. The imagery within this stanza is superbly vivid.

All in all, greatly done!
5/5 from me

Your Beauty Steals My Sense of Fear Away (4)
by Jenn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-03

This is truly beautiful from the beginning to the end.
You managed to created great rhythm and flow through the whole poem, rhymes are really good and the repetition of the first line through the poem is very effective.
I like your choice of words and descriptions a lot. The imagery that you portrayed brought me to completely different world, it's so beautiful and vivid. Also, I think that you managed to express your emotions excellently, this poem is deeply touching.

My favorite stanza is;

- When lived so long, is all you see in grey?
Though, colors broke my own dismaying lock
Your beauty steals my sense of fear away-
^^^
Amazing....

All in all, greatly done.

5/5 from me

Envious Eyes (6)
by PMurphy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-02

- The pool of summons
as those who beckon,
swirls and oceans,
fogs awaken.-
^^^
Excellent and truly effective, admirable beginning. This pulled me straight into the piece and made me wonder how's going to continue. I love this stanza, it contains truly powerful and vivid imagery.

- In the clear,
but only for a second
i see these eyes
Envious and they beckon-
^^^
Two critics for this stanza: You should capitalize 'I' and maybe change the word 'beckon' because you already used it in the first stanza so that repetition threw me a bit. Other than that, this is good continuation of the poem.

- These eyes are green jade
creating this feeling
they pierce into my skin
leaving me weakened.-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza. The imagery that you created is priceless, so vivid and amazing.

- I see them as if they are god
bright as day as could be,
for these eyes
continue to pierce right through me.-
^^^
Nice rhyme and rhythm here along with intriguing imagery. "I see them as if they are god'-- excellently said, so powerful.

- Even though they wish for help
and reckon i will be their
even though they wilt like kelp
it beckons to stick up my hair.-
^^^
Critics: 'I' should be capitalized & the last line threw me off a bit because it somehow didn't match with the image and feeling that I got from the rest of this stanza. Other than that, greatly written, good choice of words.

- For this moment i shall reflect
these envious eyes that show true
its because this minute i must reject,
for your eyes continue to tarnish you. -
^^^
Critics: I should be capitalized and its should be "it's"
Great last stanza, it sums up whole poem excellently. Fantastic ending.

Overall, this is enjoyable read, truly refreshing poem.

A Quest for Wandering (4)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-05-02

This poem has some truly deep lines, portrayed with remarkable originality. This is not one of my favorites from you but I still like it.

First Stanza: First off, one critic: In the first stanza, you shouldn't put comma after the word 'will'. It should be:
- hoping that fingers will upline, stumble-.
I like your choice of words here and the descriptions are effective. I especially like the two last lines of this stanza, they're original and greatly written.

Second Stanza: This is my favorite part of the poem. Every line is truly deep and unique and you painted very vivid images in my mind. Powerful stanza, with good flow and creative thoughts within.

Third Stanza: I think that it would maybe be more powerful If you didn't answered to two questions at the beginning of the stanza but left the reader wonder. It would maybe be more effective and mysterious like that.
All in all, this is good ending. It reminds me on your poem "Silver Story"- because of the description at the end with balcony and goddess.

Breathless Endeavor of Emotions (8)
by Miss Kay

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-30

I like the flow of this piece. Overall, this is truly passionate and intense, greatly written poem. I think that you expressed your emotions fantastically.

- You are the poison that fills my veins
The one who will steal my last breath
In this speeding car, switching lanes
To get to you, like an addict to meth-
^^^
Very effective beginning. Nice rhymes and captivating start for the piece. The intensity of your emotions is truly highlighted by your creative descriptions.

- To hold you and breathe you in
For a night of bad decisions and desire
More lustful than I have ever been
I'm a ticking bomb, begging you to cut the wrong wire-
^^^
I like this stanza a lot, it is really powerful. Every line contains overwhelming feelings that even the reader can absorb in a way. This is my favorite stanza of the poem, I love every line.

- Listen to the ticking, the sound of my heart
It slows and speeds at the feel of your hands
As you caress my lips the world falls apart
With every breath of your scent my heart expands-
^^^
Another great stanza; I especially like the third line that reveals powerful culmination of your feelings. Impressive.

- Hold me closer, I will feel your pulse
To show how alive we are as your heart quickens
Close your eyes, learn to decide on impulse
As the blood in your body thickens-
^^^
There's one thing that bothered me here: You repeated the line with quickening of heart- you had something very similar in the third stanza. Maybe that line should be revised a bit. Anyway, this is good ending to this piece but I really wish it was longer because it is very enjoyable read.

Just one more suggestion: You should add some punctuation signs through the poem to create more powerful rhythm.

Overall, this was truly amazing and refreshing.

5/5 from me

Silver Carriages, Bloody Enigmas (6)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-30

- As tongue touches larva of daylight
wax becomes more pleasant,
making flumes
to our dark time bomb.-
^^^
Excellent and truly powerful beginning. Your descriptions and metaphors are astonishing within the whole stanza, especially 'larva of daylight'- truly unique. This pulled me in and made me want to read more without revealing whole point of the piece.

- Scarlet and emerald curtains
are lacerated regardless
of position of shadows and clouds,
so, moving pictures on the wall exalted spirit;-
^^^
I don't like the first line of this stanza because it seem like unneeded description and I didn't quite understood its function. I think that you should put comma behind 'are lacerated'. Other than that, I really like this stanza, especially the imagery that you painted in my mind with it.

- beyond time,
fugaciously bewitched in freefall,
assaying each pulse
of fantasy's puzzle; pieces are words.-
^^^
Interesting and original. I like the metaphor with fantasy puzzle and I'm glad that you put the line 'pieces are words' there as a small explanation for the rest of the stanza.

- We are going ahead, across this mosaic,
never looking back,
because dance of supreme connoisseurs of fire
upon penultimate, colorful combustion
is priceless and declivous. -
^^^
I like this in poetic sense but don't understand the meaning behind every line. I don't get who are the 'supreme connoisseurs of fire'- artists or poets maybe? If so, I would say 'priceless yet delusive'.
I don't like the word 'declivous' in the last line, maybe you can use a synonym for it and replace 'and' with yet', but probably I just don't get the point lol

Overall, great piece!

Dark Phoenix [Shriek of a Muse] (5)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

Very powerful poem. The atmosphere that you created is truly captivating from the beginning to the end. This posses some truly pessimistic sensations, especially in the first and the repeated, last line of the poem that highlights some temporariness within the cycle. I like your choice of words through the whole poem, too. Parts between the hyphens are quite effective and they seem random although I can see their function. The first stanza holds truly powerful imagery which evolves through the poem in an amount of very impressive and vivid images. "extravagant elusiveness of assembled shadows" is quite brilliantly said. The use of alliteration in that line also impressed me. Also, the 'beautiful madness'- amazing choice of words. I am probably wrong with my interpretation of this piece, but this is what I got from it-- The foundation of life is death=temporariness, and in between the life flows and the people should use their imagination and abilities to make it better. I am confused with 'gemstones that shed blood' metaphor... are the gemstones=people?

Overall, excellently written.

The Ruins (9)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

Wow... I've always wanted to visit Stonehenge... Your poem is amazingly vivid, with such remarkable descriptions. I could imagine every stanza unfolding in front of me and reading this piece is definitely fantastic experience.
Your choice of words and flow are great as always in your poems.

- Walk among the ruins
Crest of barrrows swell
Silent ancient sentries stare
Faint echoes thrill the dell-
^^^
You have a spelling error here, in the word 'barrow', you wrote it 'barrrow". Other than that, this is great intro to this piece, it pulled me straight into the poem.

- Sarsen shadows lengthen
Summer Solstice gleams
Lichen dappled minions
Druid's lingering dreams-
^^^
Your choice of words here is fantastic. The imagery is breathtaking... this stanza also posses mystical atmosphere and great beauty.

- Alignments marking passage
Seasons through the mist
Bluestones rift with magic
From Merlin's dark abyss-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza. It has flawless flow and stunning, so vivid imagery. "Bluestones rift with magic"...wow... I fell in love with that line.

- Walk among the ruins
Cool lintel's horseshoe door
Staid circles mark eternity
Mystery o'er the moor-
^^^
The repetition of the first line from the beginning is truly effective. This is great ending, but I didn't wanted it to end so fast...

Overall, another amazing piece from you. This is refreshing and original, truly captivating write.

What We Have (7)
by Dawn aka Dominique

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-29

'graanted' in the second stanza should be granted.

Overall, I liked this poem more than the other one I've read from you.

I'll start with the critic: I think that you should revise the whole poem and add punctuation signs on some places that would make the flow better and more effective. Also, I didn't like the repetition of the 'Never take it for granted' because it didn't fit the flow of the whole piece. I think (don't want to offend you, personal opinion only) that repetitive lines should be more powerful and this was quite simple.

I like the fact that many people can relate to this piece yet it don't sound forced at all- it is sincere and personal, filled with emotions expressed in a really good way. Your descriptions are interesting and this piece brought the smile to my face. Whole poem holds great beauty and positivity.

Arcane (8)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-28

First off, the title is excellent, so captivating, it truly caught my attention.

I fell in love with this poem lol... The whole message is portrayed beautifully and your choice of words is excellent through the whole piece. The atmosphere that you created is what impressed me the most- it is so serene and stunningly beautiful. This is very elegant piece.

The first stanza is great opening for the whole poem. It caught my attention and pulled me straight into the poem. I have one suggestion: You maybe should, for the sake of the flow, rearrange punctuation in the third line and replace full stop with comma. It sounds better to me:

- Lips locked, never to escape,
hold tight, not to slip away.-
^^^
The pause between lines is shorter this way and it gives completely different tone to those lines. This is only my opinion.

Second Stanza is amazing, so powerful. I don't have anything to critique here, it seem flawless to me.

The third stanza is my favorite one. I like your choice of words along with brilliant descriptions.

The rest of the poem holds deep message of the piece and I truly loved it. You managed to make the ending more effective then the beginning and I haven't thought that it is possible lol

Overall, greatly done.
5/5 from me

Anathemas Of Golden Shore (7)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-27

First off, the title is very captivating. You made great contrast within it and it caught my attention.

I like the whole concept and meaning behind this piece. It seem that you spend so much time thinking about the best way to say something cause your metaphors are always very original and amazing and this poem is not an exception.

First Stanza: The first line would sound better without comma before 'and' for the sake of the flow. I like the contrast made with claustrophobia/ agoraphobia and your choice of words is stunning.

Second Stanza: I love the imagery here. Whole stanza is very mystical and it still don't reveal whole meaning of the piece. The atmosphere in every line is priceless.

Third Stanza: The use of tenses confused me a bit cause you used past and present simultaneously and it was little hard to follow the storyline. Other than that, I loved this part, too, especially the way you worded it.

Fourth Stanza: I like the message here, especially in the ending lines of this part. Personally, I dislike religious poems but using religion here like a sort of metaphor worked really well.

Fifth Stanza: The message of the whole piece reveal itself here in truly powerful way. You stepped out from the descriptions and mystification and served the whole point within one stanza. I am not sure is it good or not. I got the feeling that this stanza sums the whole poem and explains it so the message became too clear. I don't thing that you should change something because all in all, this is excellently written piece in every part.

Keep up!
5/5 from me

Beyond Theory (18)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-26

First off, I'll start with two suggestions:
I think that this line:
- Clocks stop, time goes on.-
would sound better (for the sake of flow) like this:
noth-Clocks stop, time goes on...-
and after this line: "Emerge, embrace, believe." should be a comma, not a full stop.

Overall, this is truly powerful. I like your descriptions and eerie atmosphere that you created. Your choice of words is great through the whole poem and this is one of the most original poems that I've read in a dark category in a while, it's truly very refreshing.
My favorite stanza is:

- Abstract gleaming from hearts
are pieces, not yet filled.
Delusional, though somehow sane.-
^^
Very effective.

I also liked the ending a lot, it is a great conclusion to the whole poem.

Great job,
5/5 from me

If Coverless You Wouldn't See (10)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-24

I love this piece... The message that you conveyed is priceless. This is truly original love poem, it's so creative and different from all those cliche pieces that I've read lately in the love section.
First off, your descriptions are mind-blowing. I like the elements of nature poetry within both stanzas because you painted endlessly vivid and captivating images within my mind. This poem holds breathtaking beauty.

- Falling in lust with stunning cover,
Not tattered spine of hollowed book.-
^^^
This is brilliant. You managed to say so much within just two lines. Amazingly written.

... and the ending lines:

- For I fell in love with tattered spine,
Not the hollow front cover of his book.-
^^^
These left me speechless. Truly effective ending that highlights the message of the whole poem excellently. I haven't expected it to end this way so this surprised me and truly impressed me.

- Autumn leaves dance upon night fall,
Whilst butterfly's prance within heart,
Winter holds beauty unlike any other,
As snow flakes glide gently to ground,-
^^^
I love the imagery here. Whole stanza is so elegant and mesmerizing.

Overall, this is truly remarkable write.
I like the title, too, it is unique and it caught my attention.

Keep up!

Still born (3)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-23

This poem left me in awe but I was too tired last night to post detailed comment.

First off, whole piece is amazing, filled with such creative descriptions. Your dark poetry has always been huge inspiration for me because you are always able to portray so original images and express emotions within your poems excellently.

- The crusade of corpses comes crawling,
inching closer, to where my body stains the ground,
a scalded scorched earth surrounds,
the silhouette of what was once me.-
^^^
Very powerful. I like your choice of words and the eerie, dark imagery pulled me straight into this poem. Fantastically written. The details in the whole poem are outstanding and in this stanza the imagery revealed whole new world to me.

- and yet not one spirit will shed a tear for this heathen.-
^^^
I can deeply relate to this. Amazingly powerful line. I like the fact that you wrote it separately from the first stanza so that made it even more effective. Kudos :)

- a heart so full of love, a burning desire-
that torches everything in it's wake.
six feet deep is where my faith chooses to sleep,
with two unforgiving eyes, blind, refusing to see,
...the obvious.-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza. I like the structure and natural, free flow of the words. Also, descriptions are flawless once again and I could really feel everything that you expressed. Amazing!

I like the wordplay and unobtrusive rhyme in the last stanza. The emotions in every line of the last stanza are simply overwhelming, I truly can't express how deeply every line held my attention.

This is truly a brilliant poem, one of my new favorites from you.

Keep writing!

Between Mother Earth And Father Sky (6)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-23

Wow, Debbylyn...

I am in awe, truly speechless. I can't find right words to express what I felt when I was reading this piece. The message that you conveyed is so meaningful. I've never read a poem like this one in the nature section and this is truly original and effective in so many ways. I wish it was longer because I enjoyed in every brilliant line.
I like the details and descriptions in each stanza, I think that you did great job with them. Also, the choice of words is excellent and every word seem perfectly picked. I read this poem twice but I can't find anything to critique here. I love your writing style and this poem brings out the truth about this world excellently, it is so deep.
Overall, amazingly done.
Keep up!

Muse-ic To My Ears (10)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-22

*your in the last line should be you're

Wow, Mel...
Impressive. I can't find better word to express what I feel about this poem. I simply loved every stanza. I see that you changed writing style a bit and that worked greatly for me. The topic is so inspiring and I like the fact that this piece can be interpreted on many different ways.

- Well,
darkness never;
felt so inspiring.-
^^
Fantastic beginning. This pulled me straight into this piece and made me want to read more. Also, I can deeply relate to these lines because I felt like that many times when it comes to writing.

- Sympathy to your lips of wax,
Caution dazzles within eyes,
Muttering metaphors to twilight,
Tasting a hollow imagination.-
^^^
Wow... breathtaking. The imagery portrayed within this stanza is dark and artistic, so vivid. I love it. Every line is small work of art.

- Absorbing creativity to glitter,
Drifting tranced to beating door,
Inadequate to depart once again,
Oh contemptible translucent muse. -
^^^
Beautifully written. The topic evolves within this stanza and every word seem perfectly picked.

- Blaze attire to particles of dust,
Clip cypress crown to never vanish,
Chant inspiration to rushing ears,
Grounded mutilated upon my shoulder.-
^^^
So vivid. Another amazing stanza. Your descriptions are truly powerful and mind-blowing here.

The repetition at the end is effective and the added line summed up whole poem excellently.
This poem is certainly going to my favs.

Overall, this is an amazing read, and it seem flawless to me from the first to the last line. There are so many emotions and remarkable descriptions within every stanza and I feel like this poem posses a world of its own that simply captivated me.

Keep writing, you obviously have so much deep poetic beauty to share.

Sea of Cinder (1)
by Indian Comma Bean

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

Wow...
The repetition of the first stanza at the end with the twist in the last line is truly effective. I haven't expected that kind of ending but it truly left me in awe. I like the whole message of this poem and I think that you truly portrayed the imagery in every stanza greatly. I like the details through the whole poem. You pulled me in right from the first line and kept my attention with captivating imagery and very profound stanzas. The only thing I don't like about the poem is that you repeated the word "my" too many times so that ruined the flow a bit.
Overall, this is another great poem from you.
My favorite stanza is the first one, it is really captivating.

Keep up!

Near The Absolute Madness We Peer (3)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

I've never read a rhyming poem from you before and I think that you did great job with this one. Fantastically written from the beginning to the end, very descriptive. I don't understand every metaphor but I love the details in each line. Every stanza is so vivid and the whole poem holds some darkened beauty.
I like your choice of words and the rhymes are very original and refreshing. Also, you managed to create truly flawless flow.

- Bloodshot adieu is anguish's nest;
scarlet mazes are liquid, through them slayer transforms
and triple-headed visions sever, framed with sorrowful quest,
becoming butlers of guilt, opening every door to welcome lethally performs.-
^^^

Absolutely mind- blowing stanza that left me in awe. I really can't express how much I enjoyed in every line. Endlessly original.

I have just one more word for this poem: Spectacular!

5.5 from me

Broken Dreams (5)
by jacob

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

This is absolutely amazing. Your choice of words is simply superb, truly stunning and I think that you portrayed the whole message of this poem excellently. You shouldn't change anything here, whole poem is brilliant. I am in awe, you truly have a way with words and your vocab is amazing.
You painted pictures within words in each line which is truly remarkable and I admire the depths of this poem.
I read this piece twice and tried to find favorite lines to highlight in the comment but this is so original and powerful from the beginning to the end.
Excellently done,5/5 from me.
Keep writing, I'll surely check out more of your work as soon as I have time.

Evil Breeds (12)
by Cindy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-20

This is excellently written. You managed to say so much and to convey the message greatly in just four short stanzas which is truly impressive. I like your choice of words is every stanza and the flow which is truly flawless. This is an enjoyable read, remarkable dark piece portrayed with haunting atmosphere.
My favorite stanza is;

- Darkness surrounds mind
Happiness flew away
Words spit serpents tongue
Changed it all in a day-
^^^
Very powerful opening stanza, it pulled me straight into this piece.

All in all, very effective from the beginning to the end.

Keep writing!

Let Me Be Your Wings & Baby You Can Fly. (9)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-19

"As a shut my eyes and leisurely begin to drift"
^^
The opening line confused me a bit. Should it be " As I shut my eyes..."?

Other than that ^^ I this poem is greatly written. There are so many emotions flowing through every stanza and the whole poem sounds so personal, like it's written straight from the heart which added great power to every line. The whole piece is deeply touching and I think that you expressed your feelings excellently. Your descriptions are remarkable as always and the flow flawless along with great choice of words in every stanza. The ending left me in awe. You ended this poem fantastically and I really wanted to read more.
All in all, this is another one truly great piece from you.

Sunrise Til Sunset (11)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-18

Wow...
This poem holds indescribable beauty. I am speechless in a way.
You ability to portray emotions on such superb way is impressive. I could actually feel everything that you described through amazing pictures painted with words. Whole atmosphere of this piece brought me to another world and made me smile. Every line of the poem is equally captivating and touching. Your detailed imagery added intensity to the every expressed emotion.

My favorite stanza is:

- The atmosphere becomes calm and you whisper into my ear,
I'm lost within the voices of sweet nothings you have said,
Winter, Autumn, Summer, Spring shall this love forever go on,
For Aphrodite has spread her wings and sparkled light on us.-
^^^
Deeply touching and truly outstanding stanza. The ending with the Greek goddess is absolutely brilliant. I also like the fact that this write has elements of nature poem.

Keep up!
5/5

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall (11)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-18

I'll start with the critics because I only have one: I noticed one typo in the third stanza- should the word 'dcarlett' be scarlet...?

Overall, this poem is breathtaking. The imagery that you portrayed is endlessly vivid and I could clearly imagine every greatly written line. I like your choice of words, too. Whole poem is truly compact but I wished it was longer cause it was getting better and better through every line.
The atmosphere that you created is dark yet very captivating.

My favorite stanza is:

- Kiss my lips drenched in wine for I'm now falling even harder,
"Don't catch me" I'll whisper, for I like where I'm reaching,
I'm like a shooting star dancing, upon the image of your eyes,
This lullaby so pure shall spark these infinite burning flames.-
^^^
Beautifully dark. Every word seem perfectly picked and the imagery blew my mind. Your descriptions here are remarkable.

I like the ending line, too because it makes fantastic conclusion and summary of the whole poem.
All in all, amazingly done.
5/5 from me

Sunset Song (5)
by Krathia

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-17

Wow... I am honestly in awe and speechless in a way... I feel like I can't find the words to express everything that I felt while I wad reading this brilliant poem.
I don't read poems about nature usually but the title captured my attention and this piece pulled me in from the first line. The beauty that you portrayed within every stanza is indescribable.

- Above the horizon hover sun-stained clouds
Like the combustion of childhood dreams
Beneath indigo skies the fireball shrouds
And mocks the lingering gold sunbeams-
^^^
Wonderful and flawless beginning, so captivating and filled with captivating images. The flow and rhymes are excellent along with breathtaking atmosphere within every line.

- Heaven-lit Gateways of the West so amber
Brilliant with majesty glory-deep
Onwards, O Stunning One, to stardom and splendor
By cloud-reined carriage and gentle sleep-
^^^
After reading the first stanza I thought that this poem just can't get any better but I was wrong. This is amazing, endlessly remarkable. The descriptions, flow and details within this stanza are priceless. I really can't express how deeply I enjoyed in every perfectly picked word.

- Calm twilight, so tranquil, like quiet embers
Subsisting within their last dying glow
Serenity, with grandeur gone, nightfall remembers
Childhood memories pale stars bestow-
^^^
Brilliant and divine in a way. Your talent shines through each line. I love the repetition of the childhood memories because that made great connection between the first and the third stanza.

Overall, I love your writing style and this is true poetic gem. This poem is certainly going to my favorites.

Keep writing! 5/5 from me (but I would rate it higher if I could lol)

Far Away, Miles Apart (Collab) (6)
by Sher

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-14

This piece posses remarkable, captivating beauty in every stanza which is simply breathtaking.
The flow seem flawless through the whole piece and that adds great effect to the expressed emotions that form lovely and very vivid pictures within the reader's thoughts.
Simplicity of this poem created interesting atmosphere. The whole poem holds tones of deep, heartfelt sadness which made it even more powerful for me.
You two did a great job on this piece, it is impressive that two writers can portray such compact piece that is able to touch the reader deeply.
I can't find anything to critique here, whole poem seem truly flawless.

Perfect Harmony (Collab) (10)
by Sher

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-14

Oh, wow...

This is truly breathtaking, I really can't express how much I enjoyed in every line. This is one of the most beautiful love poem I've read in a while, filled with endless beauty some outstanding greatness.

I like the imagery that you two portrayed: Everything seem simply said yet perfectly picked words in every stanza form amazing, vivid images that flooded my mind.

The whole atmosphere of this poem is captivating and each stanza touched me and almost brought tears to my eyes.

Excellently written from the beginning to the end.

Pitter Patter (21)
by Sher

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-12

Very touching piece, filled with excellently expressed heartfelt feelings. I like the atmosphere that you created a lot, it is deeply captivating. This poem is equally beautiful and sad, portrayed with wonderful elegance.
The flow of the whole poem seem flawless, and I think that you did a good job with rhymes.
I like the topic of the piece, too.
Greatly done, Sherry :)
My favorite stanza is:

- Pitter patters of little feet
no longer run beneath
little ones now grown older
home nowadays seems so much colder-
^^^
Greatly written opening stanza, it pulled me straight into this piece.

Keep up!

Lingering in Silence (24)
by Krathia

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-10

This piece is deeply touching, it holds equal amounts of beauty and heartfelt sadness. Overall, I enjoyed very much.

You created really good and effective repetition with "I still" at the beginning of every stanza. That added original and serene flow to the whole piece.

This poem is truly elegant, beautifully written. I like your choice of words in every stanza a lot.

- I still hear
in the mists of slumber
whispered lullabies
from a childhood
I no longer remember-
^^
Great opening stanza, it pulled me straight into this piece. Whole description here is fantastic. I like "whispered lullabies" line, so simple yet very emotional.

- I still taste
the saccharine melodies
that played so sweetly
in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came -
^^
Saccharine memories- amazingly original and creative. Every line of this stanza is excellently worded, it sounds so personal, like it came straight from the heart. This is my favorite part of the poem.

- I still recall
the lyrics to our songs
and even now, I wonder
why you didn't take your guitar
with you when you left-
^^
The ending of this stanza truly touched me, it holds deep sadness which is truly greatly expressed. I also like the flow of this stanza a lot.

- I still feel
these memories plucking at
my heartstrings and I
still hear the notes
lingering in silence -
^^^
"memories plucking at heartstrings"- very effective. Great ending and conclusion to this piece.

All in all, I think that you did excellent job with this poem.
Keep up!
5/5 from me

Viral Starburst (5)
by Krathia

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-10

First off, the title really caught my attention. It is effective and unqiue.

You put a lot of emotions in this piece and I could actually feel everything that you expressed which was absolutely amazing.

I like the metaphors in this poem, along with your superb choice of words. You are really talented writer and your skills simply shine through this poem. The atmosphere that you created through the whole poem is overwhelming, but in a good way- it pulls the reader so deep in the poem.

The thing that impressed me the most about this poem is the imagery that you created in both stanzas. Every line floods the mind with so vivid pictures. Your descriptions are breathtaking, very original and creative.

The only thing I didn't like is flow on some places, for example, the stanza break "already stiffening; our veins" threw me off a bit but that is only my personal opinion.

I had to highlight the ending line "Let us eclipse"- three words, but they left great impression on me. Endlessly brilliant ending line.

Great write!
5/5 from me

I Am the One Who Mutilated the Sky (5)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

Wow...
Amazing... I truly can't express how effective this piece is. Ever word seem perfectly picked for me and every line makes perfect sense. Great write, so powerful. There are some truly profound lines within this poem, some parts that are really mind- blowing.

- Misanthropy is my mother,
tutoress, mistake and a habit;-
^^^
wow... this leaves me in awe, completely stunned. You said so much within just two lines which is impressive. Great opening for this piece, it captured my attention and I really wanted to read more.

- ice queen,
my hunter and muse of holocaust,
swallowed me whole-
^^^
Breathtaking description. "Muse of holocaust'... wow... Amazingly said, so original. Another powerful and excellently worded part of the poem.

I don't like "because of that" in the second stanza, it somehow threw me off. The rest of that stanza is greatly written, very effective. I personally don't see the connection between the description with the bullets and the first two lines but the stanza is still fantastic.

- Bestial slaughter transformed into blame,
maybe -somewhere-
I didn't die regretting,-
^^^
Simply brilliant, especially the second and the third line of this part. The rhythm and flow here are very unique.

I think that the repetition in the last stanza is very clever and effective. You did a great job with it.
The line "in which I am the best mathematic;" is not as effective as the rest of that stanza (That is of course only my opinion) but I really have no idea how would I make it sound better.

- Misanthropy is hereditable
illness, a disease...-
^^
Mind- blowing ending and excellent conclusion for this poem.

All in all, fantastically done.
Keep writing!

Rise Against The Roadside (27)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

Truly powerful from the beginning to the end. Your choice of words is superb in each stanza and the flow that you created is simply flawless.

- 'Til the tint of silver faded light
I clasp a thin melody only known
Embedded upon night's gravel road-
^^
Very effective description that created vivid image in my thoughts. This is truly a great opening for the piece. it is excellently worded and it pulled me straight into the poem.

- Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road-
^^^
This is my favorite part of the piece, it is so original and refreshing. I like the atmosphere that you created here along with fantastic, vivid imagery. Amazing lines.

- And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms-
^^^
Simply breathtaking, very beautiful.

Overall, this is greatly written piece, very creative and enjoyable read.

The Decoys' Muse [Lyrics] (8)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-08

I love this from the first to the last line. I usually don't like lyrics when I just read them but this one is actually truly amazing. Very original and powerful. I can relate to this in a way which makes it even more effective for me. You truly have a good vocab and a way with words.
I appreciate uniqueness of this write, it is very refreshing.
My favorite part is:

- Time rewinds. The picture begins to slow
Like a movie screen forcing over me
Hands tied down. Words then bind my soul.
Like a roughhousing beating down on me-
^^^
Truly effective.

- Love is just a decoy, you've been its' muse-
^^^
Outstanding line.

Keep up!

Baptized in a Pool of Blood (4)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

First off, you created remarkable flow from the beginning to the end that added truly captivating rhythm to the whole piece. The only place where the flow is desturbed is
"engendering earthquakes within
cupola of newfound thrust;"
^^
Stanza break after the 'within' somehow threw me off.

Overall, this poem is somehow mesmerizing. It doesn't remind on your other pieces and except that flaw that I saw in the second stanza it really seem perfect to me.
I like the choice of words from the beginning to the end a lot along with flawless, remarkable imagery that you portrayed. Very deep piece, too, it seem like it can be interpreted on so many ways. There are some truly profound lines in each stanza. I like the ending, too, it is effective and it rounds up the whole poem excellently.
My favorite stanza is:

- His spine is an arrow
and past cohere against the neck,
like a prick of injection-
pull the chain;
this metal is just another drop of ink
in narration of pain and screams
which is tattooed on his skin.-
^^^
This seem brilliant to me, so amazing. The stanza brake with -pull the chain- is endlessly powerful.

All in all, excellently done.
Keep writing :)
5/5 from me

Disabled Words within Inquisition (3)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-07

Wow...
The imagery here is astonishing, truly stunning in so many ways. This poem holds intricate metaphors and an amount of deep meanings. I think that my interpretation of this piece is not similar to what you had in mind lol

- Words are lacerated;
they drip,
from,
an
apex;
fluxing from the scarlet gun
over the sky overgrown with hyacinths,
welkin is indexed by red characters
of my personal trading- ancient reflections of obsession-
^^^
Wow...
There are so many things I really like about this part yet I'm somehow speechless to express what I felt when I read it. The construction of the whole stanza is amazing, very effective and it flows flawlessly. I like "fluxing from a scarlet gun"... what an image... Your choice of words here is truly superb.

- Across the amiss downfalls of epic worlds,
to the pages sketched with misanthropy,
peep in the jars of unformed freedom,
within beginnings of poems woven inexpertly,
until now...-
^^^
So, so powerful. Descriptions and details here are fantastic, so original and creative. Your poetry is truly a big inspiration for me cause you always come up with something as unique as this excellently worded stanza.
Overall, I deeply enjoyed in this poem.
Keep writing!
5/5

Take My Hand (9)
by Rex Hunter

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-06

'Your' in the second stanza should be 'you're'.

Overall, I love this piece. I like the symbols and metaphors along with very effective imagery that you portrayed. Your descriptions are simply amazing, every line pulled me deeper into darkness weaved with excellently told story. This is very creative and powerful write, filled with such remarkable lines.

- The fields of thunder are once more calling,
the stars of a twisted heaven once more falling
And in this night it is that I take your hand,
your love, your life and all that you are-
^^^
Fantastic beginning, it pulled me straight into this poem and took me to completely different world. Very stunning image, too.

- He answered saying: Love will be the death of heaven
you will see the light of hell, six stars fighting seven
you will see the night as we had planned
And walk the beach we now see from far-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza. It holds endlessly brilliant descriptions and denouement of the poem. Every word seem perfectly picked and the flow is simply flawless.

The parts within the brackets are also very effective. All in all, this is original poem and truly enjoyable read.

Keep writing!

Tinted Wings (7)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-06

Amazing poem from the first to the last line.
Your choice of words is remarkable, so creative and inspiring. Whole atmosphere that you created through each excellently written stanza captured me deeply. Your descriptions are breathtaking, so vivid and original.
I think that you did great job with rhymes which made the flow of the whole poem simply flawless. You used original rhymes which is fantastic. I like the way you portrayed emotions within the poem, too, because every line is truly heartfelt. This piece is an amazing poetic gem.
My favorite stanza is:

- Suck the flutter from tinted wings of glory,
Unraveling your charms within bitter bites,
Tampering the venom to poison her butterfly,
Only you would take away beauty's own rights.-
^^^
So descriptive... wow!

I haven't read your poetry for a while and I really missed beauty and perfection of your verses.
Keep writing!
5/5 from me

Beauty Has No Eyes; It's Nothing But A Smile (10)
by Britt

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-05

Wow, a new piece from you! First off, I really enjoyed in this poem from the beginning to the end. You know that I'm a big fan of your writing
style and I am really glad that I can be the first one to comment on this amazing piece lol
You portrayed amount of emotions within each stanza greatly. The imagery is so vivid and the atmosphere of the whole piece simply captivating in so many ways.

The repetitions in the last stanza are truly effective and that added great impact to the flow of the whole piece.

The only thing I don't like is lack of the punctuation through the poem and that I isn't capitalized on some places. I can easily be bothered by those little things lol

Overall, I love this. The topic, message and portrayed heartfelt emotions brought me to completely different world.

- your lips paint bruises on that empty canvas of my soul
begging to whisper away those selfish tears on your skin-
^^
I just had to highlight those lines. There are many great parts of through the poem, but those two... wow! Simply breathtaking.

Keep writing, I love your poetry!

Falling Into Your Arms ... Again. (33)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-05

Wow...
This is truly beautiful. I am amazed with every single line. This is definitely my new favorite from you. The whole piece is simply breathtaking, it took me to completely different world filled with amount of moving, deep emotions. I admire your ability to impress the reader with remarkably portrayed emotions within your pieces and I am honestly impressed. This is so touching and heartfelt, a poetic gem filled with such captivating inner beauty.
I read this twice and tried to pick favorite lines but every stanza is so creative.
The flow is really good too except on some places in the second stanza but that is really insignificant compared to the sweet atmosphere of this piece.
Excellently written.
5/5 from me

Insomnia (16)
by firexdancer

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-03

I like this piece a lot. The atmosphere that you created is very captivating and your vivid descriptions held my attention from the first to the last line.
I really like your writing style- you have good vocab and you are able to portray such mind-blowing imagery and this poem is not an exception.
The flow is fantastic despite free structure.
I can relate to this poem in so many ways which make it more powerful for me.
Some of my favorite lines from this piece are:

- As I lie awake, I dreamlessly dream about dreaming.-
^^
Good wordplay here. Very effective.

- With every imaginary ticking of my digital clock, words flow throughout my head.
A poem of all the things I've always wanted to say to someone, but never did. Never will.-
^^^
Amazingly written part, very heartfelt and every word here seem perfectly picked.

- Waiting desperately for the rush of adrenaline from the licking flames to kick in,-
^^
I like the imagery here a lot.

Overall, greatly done!
5/5 from me

My Ghost (7)
by Beautiful Forever

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-01

I really like this piece. The topic that you wrote about is original and the whole poem's truly unique. The flow that you created is great, except in the second stanza, where you repeated the word "cold" in the first and in the second line which desturbed it. You can maybe change the second one with the word "frigid".
Overall, I like the imagery a lot. Your descriptions are very vivid and I could clearly imagine every stanza unfolding in front of me.
Your choice of words is very good, too along with fantastic atmosphere that keeps the reader attached to this piece from the first to the last line.
My favorite stanza is:

- A beautiful florescent/transparent white,
Elegant, yet improper in its ways,
Brilliantly glowing as it moves at night,
Leaving all of it's admirers in a daze,-
^^
Very effective description and great opening stanza.
I like the ending, too, it rounds up the whole poem nicely. You should maybe remove the comma from the last line, I think that it would sound more effective without that pause in the middle of it.
All in all, greatly done.
5/5 from me

Take this to your grave and I'll take it to mine (2)
by martynrose

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-01

Wow...
I have to say that I am impressed, you truly left me in awe with this superb poem. Every stanza is excellently written, filled with remarkable descriptions that really amazed me. Brilliant poem, you managed to express your emotions in a original and outstanding way. I truly can't find anything to critique here, this piece is simply breathtaking from the first to the last line. The thing I like the most about your poems is your fantastic vocab, your choice of words is truly astonishing and stunning and this poem is not an exception. The imagery that you portrayed is also great along with unique metaphors.
My favorite stanza is:

- Castigate these ample tears invoking ardent sorrows,
that stalk my footsteps and linger endlessly in shadows.
Replacing flagrant longing with scar-stained eulogy,
we are lost in the lovelorn of our arcane purgatory.-
^^^
Brilliant in every way.
I love the ending, too, it rounds up the whole poem excellently.
This piece is going to my favs.
Keep up!
5/5 from me but you certainly deserve more!

Lonely and Perfect (33)
by Darien

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-04-01

I like this a lot. The topic is great and you portrayed the message excellently. The ending is especially captivating, so many emotions embedded in single line...
Very deep poem, it contains some very profound thoughts from the beginning to the end. I like your choice of words and the atmosphere that you created. I am deeply touched by the beauty of this poem.

- I've burned down way too many bridges,
Erased paths that I should have followed.
All I wanted was to be her one and only,
The one she would love with all her heart.-
^^
Fantastic stanza, every line is greatly written.

Keep up!
5/5 from me

A Sinner's Perfect Plea (2)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-31

Wow...
I simply love this. I've read this poem twice and I deeply enjoyed in every stanza. This is so deep from the first to the last line, filled with excellently portrayed emotions. I can even relate to the feelings that you expressed in a way. I like the structure of this poem, it is simple yet you created interesting rhythm and flawless flow with it. I also like your choice of words through the whole poem a lot. Very powerful and greatly done!
Keep up :)

You Love Me [Not] (20)
by EvanescentMoon

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

Wow...
This is absolutely amazing from the first to the last line. You created interesting rhythm with brackets, too. I like your choice of words, it is superb.
This poem is filled with greatly expressed emotions and I could really feel what you described. You truly managed to amaze me with each individual stanza.
My favorite lines are:

- East and nightfall will unite,
Mist of my haggard heart
-Now says, inhale the exuberance;
Of your sweetest DEATH [never to reunite].-
^^^
So powerful and very vivid.

Overall, you did excellent job with this poem. It's one of the best sad poems I've read in a while.
Keep up!
--5/5--

Creativity That Leads To Catastrophe (9)
by Britt

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

I've read this piece before (it was for my latest contest if I remember correctly) and I have to say that it leaves me in awe every time.
The atmosphere is remarkable, created with little details that made the imagery and expressed emotions so vivid and heartfelt.
I like your choice of words through the whole poem and the fact that this posses some irresistible originality. I can relate to this in a way, too.
The first stanza is my favorite one, it contains such effective pictures.
The inly thing that threw me off a bit was that you used the word "decide" two times in the third stanza, in the second and the third line. I personally dislike unnecessary repetitions of words within poems.
Overall, greatly done.

Wonderland (2)
by Lethmelodis

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-20

Wow...
And again, I am speechless. I feel like I'm not able to give to this poem all kudos that it deserves. I had to turn off the music and give my full attention to this piece and I can honestly say that I am impressed.
First off, it's remarkable that this poem didn't lost my attention in any part despite the fact that is really long. It feels like this is summary of your work, amazing combination of love poetry, mystical and fantasy poetry and medley of so many excellently expressed emotions. I have to agree with what you wrote on the beginning- this can be interpreted on so many ways which makes it even more powerful and absolutely brilliant. For example, whole piece sounds very personal yet I felt like I can deeply relate to some parts in the way I interpreted them.
There are too many mind-blowing stanzas here, but I have to highlight some of them:

- I unzip and take a piss in the river Styx,
Climb down off my cross and build a bridge,
Drop the thoughts of being forgotten,
Turn my will into a hit list.-
^^(This is from "Hallowed" if I remember correctly which is one of my absolute favorites from you. I always thought this stanza's so effective)

- Vexed by the blood on these hands,
Wicked ways drawing to a strange living,
So ghastly this drape of false serenity,
So ghastly the personae of the mind unforgiving-
^^^
Just wow...

- Distortion fills my glass,
As I start to crash,
I can't hear my own cries,
Is what dementia feels like?-
^^
Very, very powerful.

There are more remarkable stanzas and I feel like I could copy/paste at least one half of the poem lol
And the ending- pure brilliance. It opens so many new questions and it rounds up whole poem fantastically.
I could babble more but overall, I think that you did astonishing job with this piece.
I'll surely read it once again as soon as I have time.
Keep writing!

A Distant Whisper in the Wind. (25)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-20

First off, I want to start with the only thing I will critique here: I think (my personal opinion only) that there is a lack of punctuation on some places in the poem which makes it little hard to see where the next sentence begins.
Overall, this is filled with overwhelming beauty. You are a great writer and have good vocab so the messages within your pieces are always excellently portrayed and this one is not an exception. Whole poem simply amazed me, especially the superb atmosphere intertwined with emotions. This is one of those pieces that posses the whole world within, and I could only get lost between feelings and magnificent lines.
Your love poetry don't contain clishe phrases which makes it so original and beautiful.
I can't pick favorite lines because every stanza contains flawlessness.
5/5

Keep up & Happy Birthday :)

Fake smiles with crocodile tears (10)
by Sher

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-20

First off, I like the repetition of "Fake smiles with crocodile tears" line. It really gave extra effect to the great flow of the whole poem.
You expressed your emotions excellently and I can relate to this piece in a way. The feelings that this holds are priceless, portrayed with sincerity and truly good choice of words.
Whole poem holds superb atmosphere, greatly created from the beginning to the end.
My favorite stanza is:

- Fake smiles with crocodile tears
A step away from murder
How dare anyone touch you
The pain cuts to deep to bare -
^^
Very effective and filled with emotions.

The only thing I don't like about the poem is similarity in the second and the third stanza, with lines:
- Unable to fathom what really happened- and
- Cannot even say what has happened-
because you repeated the word "happened" and that threw me off a bit. (That's just my personal opinion).
Overall, greatly done.
Keep up.

Radiate my Forlorn Soul (21)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-19

I love your work (I hate to repeat myself but your poems always leave me in awe).
Another one amazing piece from you. I can relate to this poem and it truly touched me. You expressed your emotions excellently, with superb choice of words. Every line of this piece is priceless- filled with deep feelings along with good imagery.
My favorite stanza is:

- Grab my trembling hands and gently lead me to safety, my dear.
For I cannot carry on without you; my heart is screaming, silence it.
Ease the burden of reality and answer all the wishes in my dreams,
For I think you are the sole person that can radiate my forlorn soul.-
^^^
Everything about these lines is simply flawless: described emotions, great flow and remarkable atmosphere.

Fantastically done.
--5/5--
Keep writing!

Even If You Don't, Pretend To Love Me For A Second (9)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-17

Wow...
I am honestly impressed. Every line of this piece holds so many excellently expressed emotions.

- Pages of insecurities watercolor roads of chalked hearts,
Distancing our love between broken color of determination,-
^^^
I love the imagery that you created here. Great metaphor and very deep, emotional beginning pulled me straightly into this amazing piece.
I like "painted hour"- truly greatly said.

- Grasp my hands in manipulation for daggers reach star hearts,
Dreams of silhouettes shall now entwine with a rose of thorns,-
^^^
My compliments for the choice of words and imagery here. Original and breathtaking, so vivid. Your descriptions are flawless.

-Pebbles portrayed an outcome as wax gently leaves the flame,
Flower beds hold no beauty for porcelain lies aggravate my sleep.-
^^^
Magnificent and remarkable, again. I especially like "flower beds" and "porcelain lies"- you portrayed fantastic pictures in my mind.

The only thing I don't like here is the word "wicked" in the last stanza. That's just me, of course but that single words somehow threw me off in that line.
The flow of the whole piece is great, too.

- Tempting me with deceit as you play these games of pretend.-
^^
Powerful and effective ending.
I wish this poem was longer cause I could get lost in every single line.
Keep up, I enjoyed, as always.

-5/5-

Raven's Lullaby (6)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-13

Wow...
I have to admit that I'm completely impressed with this piece. I love your writing style and truly enjoy in your amazing poetry and this outstanding piece is definitely not an exception. So powerful, truly remarkable. I like the flow, every line flows excellently and you did superb job with rhymes.

-
Eventide by candle dwells, shadow visions born in Hell
Into madness soul's descent, wrung from sorrow purged lament
Parchment volumes rift with lore, heart bleeds for my lost Lenore
Sways of pendulum, ticking clock, beats of lonely sounds- tick-tock-
^^^

I love these lines. So vivid, deeply captivating.

Keep writing!

Taken From The Mind Of A Prostitute (29)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-10

Wow...
This is so powerful, excellently written from the first to the last line. I like the topic a lot, and the flow that you created in the whole poem is interesting. I've never read a poem quite like this one, it's refreshing and very effective. I like your writing style.
Your choice of words through this piece is great, and the message of the poem is meaningful.

- A kiss on the cheek, but never the lips; Sorry sweetie, personal isn't their -style-.
^^^
Nicely said.

- Cut a little deeper,
[with the needle as your {true} love]-
^^^
Very very powerful lines.

I don't think that it's unfinished, in fact you ended it on truly fantastic way.

Keep up!
5/5 from me

Chocolate By Number (17)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-10

Wow...
I actually have tears in my eyes... This is endlessly touching and I can relate to this stunning poem on so many levels.
Whole metaphor within this piece is fantastic, and I am honestly left in awe.
Brilliant piece of sad poetry, filled with so many excellently expressed emotions. I like the imagery that you portrayed, too.
This poem brings me back some memories and that made it so captivating for me.
Superbly done.

Misery Loves It's Company (9)
by Britt

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-09

I like the title a lot, it really caught my attention.

Whole poem is greatly written, filled with hidden meanings. This is not a clishe love poem which is sometimes so hard to find on this site. Very deep piece, you expressed emotions on a truly good way from the beginning to the end.
Each stanza posses some truly powerful and original lines, but the third stanza is my favorite one, it's simply mind-blowing.

I think that you could add more effective ending line, but all in all this is enjoyable, great read.

Waking Alone Tomorrow Has Got To Be Better Than This (22)
by Britt

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-08

- You cut out the destruction before you were able to fall into my arms
But you had no problem catching me and twisting my world upside down--
^^
Wow...
I just can't get those lines out of my head. Simply amazing.

Whole poem is excellently written, truly profound. I like your choice of words and the atmosphere that you created through this piece.
Very original write.
I can relate to this in a way which makes it more powerful for me.

- You were the only one to prove to me how deafening the silence can be
And all I wanted from you was a scream that you knew how to be alive-
^^^
Excellently said.

You're able to write something truly deep and priceless and this poem is not an exception.

Lifeline (35)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-08

Wow...
Wow...

This is simply amazing from the first to the last line. I am truly speechless.

Your choice of words is superb and the atmosphere that you created is breathtaking. You did great job with rhymes, too and created flawless flow in each stanza.
I can't express how deeply this poem touched me. It holds simple yet endlessly captivating beauty in every priceless line.
Amazingly done.
I can't chose my favorite part, every stanza is fantastic.
Keep writing!

Memories That Fade Like Photographs (24)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-08

Too short, too short lol... I was completely lost within this piece and I feel like I'm able to read it over and over again.
Wow...
Priceless and so beautiful from the beginning to the end. I love your writing style, and your talent simply shines through this amazing poem. Every line is breathtaking, so captivating and deep. Whole poem truly touched me. I can even relate to this in a way which made it more effective for me.
The most startling thing about this poem is superb atmosphere that you created.

Keep writing, you really have a way with words.

5/5 from me

Blackness Reigns (5)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-02-19

-His eyes are just an illusion of presence
-- in the microworld titans crawl across the sky --
satisfying the passion transmitted through
luminous fields within the brain,
there, where the blackness reigns.-
^^
I had to highlight this stanza in the comment. It made me sit before the screen and read it over and over again. Every word is perfectly picked, and the imagery left me speechless. Remarkable.
Whole poem is amazing, different from anything I've read before. I'm not sure that I understood your thoughts behind every line and that my interpretation of this piece is correct but I still admire every stanza.
The repetition of the last line in every stanza is very effective, it added very original and creative flow to the piece.
Your choice of words is superb, mind- blowing.
The ending is brilliant, whole ending stanza is great conclusion to the whole poem.
Amazingly done :)
Keep up!

Remembering this place (7)
by EDDIE GARCIA

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-02-19

This is filled with equal amounts of beauty and sadness from the beginning to the end. Every stanza is greatly written, truly deeply touching. You created flawless flow in whole poem and emotions are excellently expressed.
Enjoyable read, truly priceless.
I can't pick my favorite part, whole poem is amazing.
Keep up!

Dusty Rose (4)
by DarkSpirit

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-02-07

This is one of the most unique pieces I've read in a while. I like the whole idea for the poem and playing with symbolic meanings of flowers. This piece is different from your usual writes but that don't make it less powerful and effective. The wording is great through the whole poem and every stanza is truly deep and meaningful. I like the tone of this poem along with interesting and unusual flow that you created from the beginning to the end.
- and I raised six suns,
... haven't thought that your eyes craved for the moon.-
^^
These lines are amazingly deep and effective. They truly took my breath away.

The ending is also fantastic, great conclusion to the whole piece.
Keep writing!

Promise me a Secure Tomorrow (26)
by Blissful

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-02-06

Amazing as always. You truly have a way with words. Whole poem is greatly written. You expressed emotions in it excellently and I can relate to it in a way. Your choice of words is superb, and I like the topic that you wrote about. The ending line is very effective, it is great conclusion to the whole poem.
My favorite stanza is:

- When love leaves me abandoned and lonesome
And doubt overwhelms my once loving heart
Will your charismatic eyes quickly capture me
And shelter me from dim days and lonely nights?-
^^
So beautifully said

Greatly done :)
5/5 from me

Her Flesh is Not Her Own (1)
by FTS Miles

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-02-05

Wow...
Another one breathtakingly amazing write by you. I really don't know what to say when I read a piece as priceless as this one because I feel that my words are not good enough to express fluxes of thoughts and emotions that flow through me. Poetic gem, truly fantastic and outstanding poem, different from anything I've read before. I admire uniqueness and depths of this poem, and I truly can't find anything to critique here.
Keep writing and I'll certainly keep reading your amazing poetry.

They Have No Reflection (6)
by PygmyPuff

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-29

Wow...
This is absolutely mind- blowing and I really can't express how much I like it. Whole poem is excellently written, with amazing descriptions that created truly vivid imagery. I am deeply touched with this piece. You picked great, meaningful topic and wrote priceless sad piece.
Keep writing, you really have a way with words.

Welcome To Slumber Land (6)
by Pete

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-17

Wow...
This is so intense, filled with fantastic imagery in every stanza. You created great, dark atmosphere withing your descriptions of the nightmares. Very powerful poem.
It has great flow from the beginning to the end, and your vocab is excellent.
My favorite stanza is:

- Fallen headfirst off tall buildings
Drowned in freezing cold sea
Been mugged, shot and stabbed
Hung by the neck from a tree-
^^
So intense and eery.

Keep up!

Peaceful Winds of a Sad Smile (1)
by JaM

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-14

Your= you're in the first and the fourth stanza.
Truly powerful poem, very emotional and deeply touching. Every stanza contains intense descriptions and feelings, and whole piece is waved with tones of sorrow and pain. Greatly written, with good flow from the beginning to the end.
Truly fantastic piece.
Greatly done 5/5 from me

Shall I Compare Thee? (10)
by FTS Miles

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-13

Wow...
I am speechless in a way...
Whole metaphor is amazing, waved with fantastic, endlessly vivid descriptions and amount of emotions portrayed within every line.
I like your choice of words through the whole piece, it is really fantastic. Whole poem is creative and touching.
The ending is powerful as the conclusion and closure to the whole piece.
You did good job with rhymes, they're not to typical and clishe which created flawless flow.
Keep up the great work!

Frostbite (1)
by FTS Miles

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-13

Wow... Impressive piece. The imagery that you portrayed is breathtaking, truly flawless. The repetition of the first line at the end of the poem is very effective, it rounds up the whole piece excellently. I love the fact that you said so much within short poem.
Beautifully written.

Cold case (6)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-12

Wow...
This is very powerful and effective.
I have two suggestions:
- The I should be capitalized in some places
- You can try to write this in stanzas (I think that it would make it even more powerful)
so, it would look something like this:

A broken heart, a bleeding fist
a silver blade against my wrist.
Tears run down to lips unkissed,
ignore me and I won't exist.
I'm not the kind you'll come to miss.

A wounded soul, eyes so blind
[only seeing pain of life].
Insane in the mind broken in time,
trying to put life back in re-wind.

A suicidal spirit
[I thought I was strong],
now everyone moves on
when I'm over and gone.

Crimson tears run down my face,
a tainted love can't be replaced...
... Just another case
of a life gone to waste.
^^^
This is just my interpretation of this piece. It's your poem, you can use any format you like, but I think that this adds greater effect to the flow.

You did excellent job with rhymes. Emotions are fantastically expressed from the beginning to the end and I could really feel your pain while I was reading this. The imagery that you created is intense and vivid.
All in all, fantastically done.
5/5 from me
Keep writing!

Heretic (1)
by FTS Miles

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-10

Wow...
Brilliant dark piece, fantastically written. It is short yet very effective and deep, filled with very vivid and eery imagery. Overwhelming atmosphere rounds up the whole poem. I like the choice of words and unique content and topic.
Keep up!
5/5 from me

Your Own (3)
by ANB

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-12-22

Wow...
This is endlessly effective. Short yet so powerful. Amazing poem, it has great, unusual rhythm and it is very unique. You said so much withing four short stanzas which is truly excellent. The most powerful aspect of this piece is its simplicity and great rhymes that created interesting and flawless flow.
The ending is also very effective.
Excellently done!
5/5 from me

Safe Harbour (10)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-12-18

Wonderful love poem, filled with touching emotions. I like it from the beginning to the end, every stanza contains great descriptions.
My favorite stanza is:

-Incessant rough waters
Tossed and turbulent
Smoothed my edges
Created a perfect fit
Into the sacred hollow...
...of your heart-
^
Very deep and beautiful

Keep up!

Where Once A Beauty (Trijan Refrain) (12)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-25

Wow, wow, wow...
You did excellent job with this form. The poem deeply touched me, it is truly great and filled with so many emotions. I can relate to this piece in so many ways. Whole poem contains fantastically created imagery and atmosphere filled with the tones of deep sadness. Breathtaking piece.

The Taste Of Ink (3)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-25

Wow...
I'm honestly speechless...
I can relate to this superb piece and I truly love it from the beginning to the end. I'm impressed with your simple yet so amazing and effective descriptions. Whole idea for this poem is so original and I enjoyed in every stanza with greatly expressed emotions.
The ending is also very captivating and it rounds up the whole piece excellently.
Keep writing!

Where Were You When We Were Getting High (2)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-22

Wow...
This is truly powerful, so effective and original. Greatly written poem, filled with so many excellently expressed emotions. I can deeply relate to some parts of this poem.
Fantastic piece, from the beginning to the end.
Keep up!

Cascade (15)
by ANB

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-19

Wow, this is magical...
Absolutely breathtaking piece, with such powerful, captivating and vivid imagery. I admire your flawless and beautiful descriptions. The flow of the whole piece is flawless.
My favorite stanza is:

-Chilled waters warm the skin,
Deviant waves lull alert minds.
Talus' entice unlikely winners,
Razor rocks in place reminds.-

Greatly done!
Keep up!
5/5 from me

Suffering In Silence (18)
by Cindy

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-17

Ohhhhh, this is filled with greatly expressed sadness that really touched me. Whole poem is greatly written, and it sounds like it's written straight from the heart. You did good job with rhymes, too and the flow of the whole piece is flawless.
My favorite stanza is:

-Dreams now have turned to dust
Eyes have cried endless tears
Hopes have died a million deaths
All because your no longer near-

Overall this was enjoyable read and deeply touching piece.
Keep up!
5/5 from me

An Endless Ruse. (31)
by TinyDancer46

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-11

This is so touching, greatly written from the beginning to the end. I like the topic that you picked, and the way you wrote this piece almost brought the tears to my eyes. The flow of the whole poem is excellent and all emotions are greatly expressed.
Keep up!

It Would Be So Simple (Monchielle) (17)
by debbylyn

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-08

Ohhhh... beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful from the beginning to the end. This is one of the best love poems I've read in a while... I love every stanza, you created such captivating and enchanting atmosphere and imagery. Whole piece is very original too, filled with flawlessly described emotions.
Keep up the great work!

Start The Fire (10)
by Melpomene

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-07

I love this piece, this is one of my favorites from you. I can relate to the feelings that you described and get lost in your amazing descriptions at the same time. I love the contrast that you made between the first and the second stanza, it is truly effective and powerful.
Your poetry is always filled with amazing hues and images, and this amazing piece is not an exception.

Don`t Tell Me You Love Me (18)
by Timothy r

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-10-29

-please...don`t tell me you love me- repetition of this line is very effective and it leaves great impression.
Whole poem is greatly6 written, filled with touching and greatly expressed emotions. Flow of the whole piece is perfect, and every stanza contains beauty and sadness in the same time.
I can't pick my favorite part, I equally like each stanza.
Keep writing!

Past's Infusion (4)
by Tainted Miko

commented by NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-09-28

Very deep and excellently written, with great wording and rhythm from the beginning to the end. I like the topic that you wrote about, very creative.
My favorite stanza is:

-I have seen everything,
And know nothing at all.
Except perhaps the
Importance of
Knowing that
Courage means to
Rise again,
When you fall.-

The ending is also very deep and effective.
5/5 from me

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