Praised comments by DarkSpirit

Unpredictable Tomorrow (12)
by Luanne

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2009-04-07

Whole piece is beautiful. I admire message within your words, its meaningful. Message itself became so powerful, because you at the same time managed to compare, and express, true weight of pain and positivity.
All in all, I was impressed by creativity and beauty of this poem. I also like the fact that you kept same rhythm through entire poem, instead of forcing your rhymes. Subject seems very difficult for writing, so that gives poem even more power.

-Sadness, the world within our mind -
^Its probably my mistake, but I don't see why in this line you wrote mind instead of -minds-

Another interesting thing about this one, is that you have described your message within each stanza, and yet they are excellently connected into one picture. Also, you portrayed both side of emotions. I want to say that I am impressed that you've managed to describe anguish and hope, equally, and that gave whole picture a lot of intensity.

Overall I enjoyed in this poem.

Unsanctified (3)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2009-04-01

Opening lines are fantastic because you said so much with few words. I like how you used -your wine- because you remarkably described that person.
And rest of the stanza continues in fascinating demonic tone.
I like whole picture, it posses rich imagination but also deep emotional impressions.

Second stanza has very interesting wording, I didn't know all words, so I learned some new ones :)
Anyway, I think that sudden change of atmosphere, on the end of stanza (last two lines) is very effective.

Third stanza is powerful, poetically violent.
I like it, though I don't understand what you said with this:
-releasing
the winged -
It is probably me, but I don't get it.

And last stanza left the deepest impression on me. I think that you used fantastic comparison
with queen and bees. It is really unique, and it just amazed me. You expressed such powerful emotion, simply, yet so creatively.

I didn't read your poetry for some time, but this one was so exciting to read. I missed your poems, and this one shows why.
I think that you managed to create the brilliance of this piece, because you wrote it for yourself. I think, it looks like it has very deep story behind it, so I guess that it was easier for you to express emotions through this one.

Questions With No Answers. (17)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-10-29

-The distinct image of your glowing face,
flashes quickly within my mind furthermore.
Thoughts rush over me full of happiness,
some of sorrow, others with agitation.
Impossible to erase, stitched into my heart-
remaining within my deserted soul for eternity.-

^Quite beautiful stanza, your description is very remarkable and that is a really interesting way to start a poem. I think that you built foundations of this piece here with great emotional power. Though I have few personal suggestions, though I want to say that I do not want to tell that you've made mistakes, I want to give you my personal opinion on few things within this stanza.
First of all you have -within my mind- and two lines after that-into my heart- I think that -my- is unnecessary second time because it is perfectly clear that you are writing about your emotions so maybe it would fit better if you write -into the heart or within the mind-.
I like the last line a lot, but except -for eternity- and think that -eternally- would fit better with the rest of that line. And you used -within- two times, and I think that in second line it wouldn't be less effective, or anything, if you exchange it for in or across, or something similar.

-Questions float around my cluttered mind,
searching for well needed answers to cleanse the air.
Asking only makes everything worse, so instead-
I'll just seal my lips and not let a single question escape,
yet I'm still desperate for truthful answers that make sense.-

^I admire idea of this stanza, and you portrayed picture of chaos within the mind on remarkable, vivid way. I really enjoyed in this part, though I have again some suggestions:
-in second line you wrote -to cleanse the air- but if you wanted to express that questions are omnipresent and that they appear and pollute you, maybe is better for that metaphor to have oxygen instead of air.
-Next two lines make fascinating and powerful picture, though if you care for avoiding repetition you could put -words- instead of -questions- in the fourth line.
-I don't like something about last line. I like what you tried to express but in my opinion it is worse than rest of the stanza. I don't like part-that make sense- and I suggest you to find way to put that shorter, in one word adjective if that is possible.

-This complicated love continues to spark questions,
tears stream down rosy cheeks speaking my feelings.
Knees continue to become weak, ready to collapse,
awaiting the strength to lift me up and give me hope. -

^This stanza is too simple for my taste, but I really like the strength of your emotions.
-speaking my feelings- I would personally write -reflecting my emotions- cause that picture in the same time speaks that you feel anguish and that tears reflect your source of pain, or in other words that you are crying when you try to face the source of your emotions.
in the third line instead of -becoming weak- I suggest you to put-becoming weaker- because you already described that you are feeling week.
In the last line you just said -and give me hope-. I think that you didn't give yourself a chance to express intensity of that hope. Maybe you should compare that hope with something, or put it through the metaphor which will make emotional contrast with the rest of the stanza.

-Scattered words forced into my mind struggle to connect,
to form a question, that will result in a definite answer.
When I'll find the answer is a complete mystery,
til that day, I'm left with these questions unanswered. -

^I like first two lines. No offense but I absolutely dislike third line cause you said in it same thing that you are saying through whole poem within your emotions. And I don't like repetition of -question- in the last line. I would write that on this way:
-I am left with these unanswered cruxes
till that unknown day, when I will find the answer.-

All in all this is truly good poem. Ending didn't impress me but I really like what you did with the rest of this poem and idea is very creative.

Secrets Tattooed Upon Your Tongue (3)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-10-26

First of all title truly captured my attention, it is clever and creative.

-The forgone
dampens my bones,
suspended before owl eyes.
Choosing to mock me
with affection,
never mine.-

I like the beginning of this piece because it is powerful. Last three lines amazed me because you have written them with some direct emotion and you put them in right length, they portray so interesting and intense picture. I like owl eyes, very refreshing and metaphorically clever.

-I, of course crumble
for venom loves these veins.
Keeping secrets tattooed
upon tongue
cautiously away. -

I like how you shaped this part, and it is very exciting because reader can't predict on which way this poem will develop.

-for venom loves these veins-
^pure beauty here. All I can say for this is wow, superb line.

-I, of course crumble-

In first line you should maybe put a comma after of course. I like your idea with this line very much, but if you put that comma I think that it will even more sound like that it expects that you crumble.

-Have you ever felt
a heart beat?
in truth it never brakes.
The pit where butterflies roam
becomes a haven for
insecurity.-

^I absolutely admire your writing and here is a perfect example of your poetic power. Wow! Beautiful stanza, it fascinated me.

-I have,
of course
witnessed the past,
present and the future.
Yet bounded is what I am
inside the pages of you. -

^Another incredible part. First three lines become more effective when you read the last one.
-Yet bounded is what I am
inside the pages of you.-
^this is written on nearly flawless way. I can't explain how much I like the way on which you have written this.

-Left right,
up down.
Down up,
right left.
Slow, fast
fast slow.
You, I.
I and you. -

^Totally original stanza. I like the rhythm which you created, very interesting. Intense lines, I like their indirect message.

-And I of course crumble,
but in truth I never brake.
for it's just a metaphor
in my mind to keep me safe. -

^This is probably my favorite part. Wow! Majestic stanza. Your conclusion fascinated me. I honestly love this poem, it is one of my favorites from you. I missed your poetry.
Anyway I can find better word for this ending than priceless, same goes for the whole poem.

I enjoyed in this one a lot and I am really glad that I read it.

What Lies Within The Truth. (Quatern) (5)
by Novalyn Grace RR

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-06-24

I will be, of course, honest in this comment.

-We find what lies within the truth,
On tattered paper; scripted words.
While vowels tend to hold their youth,
Tired consonants go oft unheard.-

^I am not sure do I like this start. I suppose that is really hard to write with eight syllables per line but I think that your rhyming quite ruined atmosphere here. It isn't bad, very creative stanza, though maybe it would be better and more vivid if you create more free substance. I think I like it, it is good part but not breathtakingly amazing.
Also, I am unsure, and sorry if I am wrong but
I think that second line has seven syllables.

-Between the lines of new and old,
We find what lies within the truth.
Their secret thoughts: ours to unfold,
Mine eyes unstopping, begin sleuth.-

^I wouldn't say -mine eyes- here, but your choice.
Anyway you continued poem excellently. You managed to greatly repeat that line and your rhymes are very unique.

-As pages bend: scent of vermouth,
Between the picket-fence like lines,
We find what lies within the truth.
And slow, I crack it's weary spine.-

^Wow! Here you utterly fascinated me. My favorite stanza, it posses so much power and you managed to show might and beauty of the Quatern in it. And comparing with this one first stanza seems little weak.
Anyway I applaud to you for this lines.

-These pages act as old soul's shroud.
Word's loving touch on skin does soothe.
And only in linguistic crowd,
We find what lies within the truth.-

^Imagery is really superb here, very vivid and remarkable part.
I think that you ended this on a very good way. Original I must say.

Overall your rhyming is brilliant. Whole piece actually impressed me. You did fantastic job and this form isn't simple. Very interesting and refreshing subject too.
I have one suggestion though, and that is just my opinion but maybe whole piece would be even better if you switch places of some lines, and follow abba rhyme. So it would be:

We find what lies within the truth,
On tattered paper; scripted words.
Tired consonants go oft unheard,
While vowels tend to hold their youth.

Between the lines of new and old,
We find what lies within the truth.
Mine eyes unstopping, begin sleuth;
Their secret thoughts: ours to unfold.

Between the picket-fence like lines,
as pages bend: scent of vermouth,
we find what lies within the truth.
And slow, I crack it's weary spine.

Word's loving touch on skin does soothe.
These pages act as old soul's shroud.
And only in linguistic crowd,
We find what lies within the truth.


Just a suggestion though but I like it on this way.

One more thing about third stanza in last line:
-we find what lies within the truth.
And slow, I crack it's weary spine.-

^I think that it would be more powerful like this:
we find what lies within the truth,
and slowly, crack its weary spine.

I enjoyed in this one.

Intermission (2)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-06-24

-Intoxicating whispers
roll softly off the lips.
Such sweet reminders
of eternal bliss.
Devotion leaks from the creases
of a soul.
This was meant to happen.-

^I read this and it amazed me, but last line absolutely threw me off. I just didn't expected it. I think, you opened this poem brilliantly and on very creative way started to describe emotions, I just think that line doesn't fit.
Though when you read whole poem and see repetition of it I still don't like it, each time that line left negative impression on me, but that is just my opinion.

- A melody of words
beat to the rhythm of a heart.
Never press stop;
always set to repeat.
Flushed with red,
cheeks light up brighter than neon.
This was meant to happen.-

^Very vivid stanza. I like your choice of combinations of words and the way on which you express yourself, it is simply beautiful.

-Tears crash to the ground
as if an earthquake has struck.
Bliss turns into broken.
Repeat turns into delete.
Dreams have become shattered nightmares.
This wasn't meant to happen.-

^Picture of first two lines blown my mind, so refreshing idea and very remarkable imagery.
I don't like using word -bliss- twice and second line wasn't that effective.
Third and forth line are also absolutely fascinating, I must applaud you for writing them.
And than when I started to read last line I thought that repetition will get so much more sense now.
but you wrote -wasn't- I really don't see why. Because if you go with thought -this was meant to happen- through whole poem and write that as a last line that shows great impression of something which is beautiful but it leads to destruction, so that gives even deeper meaning if you compare it with life, but maybe that is just my impression.

Anyway I didn't like couple of things here but others took my breath away, so bravo for writing this, I will put it into my favorites and nominate it, it deserves both.

Per Diem. (8)
by Novalyn Grace RR

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-06-22

First of all I want to say something which I think about each stanza. Your rhyming is spectacular. It amazed me, truly, very very refreshing choice of rhymes, and it doesn't seem forced at all.

-The sun sighs his accomplishments; soft light folding over trees,
The mane of earth: green pastures dance, gently swaying in the breeze.
Today stretching out it's tired limbs, as time still presses slowly on.
Tomorrow itself turning and kicking, lively in the womb of dawn. -

^This stanza is simply beautiful. It's quite stunning what you are able to do with so little words. I must say that you impressed me with this description, it is really vivid. You captured my attention.

-The crickets chirp their melody, caressing nature in to sleep,
The awning now bejeweled with stories, enigmatic, wide and deep.
The house of marrow lifts her head, to illuminate the world around,
Dear Moon your eyes are skilled, to bring light uplifting and profound.-

^I don't like last line too much because I think that you cloud say same thing on little different way, with less words maybe.
Anyway creative part. I truly enjoyed in atmosphere which you created, it is remarkable and somehow enigmatic.

-Through the small hours I dream; makeshift worlds and seasons pristine,
Now wipe the sleep from weary eyes, and comb through hair of my Routine,
Opportunity then lifts me up out of bed, to the sound of sweet birdsong,
Morning sifts it's fingers through my day, in this my faith it does prolong.-

^Well this is deep and impressionable. I honestly can say that I love every word, you simply wrote this on brilliant way. Every picture which you created with your words is very detailed, imagery is in every line incredible and intertwined with your expressed emotions, simply beautiful.

-Continuous cycle of rejuvenation, carrying in its tiny palms: my future,
Giving selflessly a chance to me; a pure white thread to stitch the suture. The steady inhales and exhales: night to day; why to how; now to then,
There --- in between the ins and outs, I find proclivity to begin again.-

^And ending simply took my breath away. I can absolutely honestly say that this is best nature poem I read in my whole life. It goes into my favorites and I will nominate it for contest thing.
Wow! I must say that I don't have any negative critique for this piece, I will surely read more of your work, this was most enjoyable read.

Apetalous (10)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-06-21

-Your destruction;
lies upon my heart.-

^Very elegant start, you greatly left a clue of great sorrow and honestly you captured my attention with just few words.

-Apetalous you have become,
though roses once bloomed.
Entwined with vines you fell;
into thorns of scarlet haw.-

^Interesting part. I like it a lot. Atmosphere is very detailed and I like your idea, very refreshing. You expressed a lot through these lines.

-Your eyes became my dismay,
Burying my soul within anguish.
Petals burnt to ember; as
you lied yourself to burn.-

^This is truly vividly written. Well done Mel you used your talent amazingly and intertwined sadness and beauty in this stanza. I really enjoy in each of your words.

-Who are you? I've asked, yet
I'm sure you've never known.
Alike a butterfly you'll perish,
Upon a bed of powdered snow.-

^Another great stanza. I really like your use of punctuation in the whole poem, it gave effective tone to the rhythm. This is another creative part. I absolutely love the way you expressed whole atmosphere, it is simply beautiful.

-Your destruction;
lies upon my heart.-

^First I thought that you need more powerful conclusion on the end, something bitter and emotional. Than when I read this another time I saw that this repetition actually gave truly interesting twist to the whole piece. I like the ending, very nicely done.

Overall I must say I enjoyed a lot in the whole poem. You described all sorrow on very real and unique way. I like your metaphors too. You all in all amazed me once again Mel.

Butterfly [With Identity Crisis] (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-06-19

I really like title of this one, if I understood meaning correctly(which I doubt) it has great connection with it.

-Abysmal elegy whispers nuclear poetry,
artificial within enliven cosmic volcano,
vivid as the stars which sung malediction.-

^Great stanza, I must say, first of all, this really impressed me. You somehow easily created beautiful atmosphere, I also like structure of whole opening stanza, somehow all words greatly go together and you put strong emotions in each line.
My interpretation of this stanza would be that you got great inspiration from some deep sorrow, and words that you wrote from that inspiration are very real and they reflect the source of that sorrow but in the same time they are different from some big passion which again you felt, but that is just my interpretation, also because volcano and stars are different forms of fire I would say that your passion and sorrow have same foundations but that they developed on absolutely different sides (I got that because volcano is on the earth and stars are up)

-Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
planting arcane whispers into iridescent heart.-

^First time I read this I didn't like repetition of -whisper- but than I saw its function which is excellent.
I really like this stanza, it is so creative and, well not just remarkable and vivid, it is truly memorable, great description, I like your ability to intertwine emotions with pictures.
I would say that meaning of this is that sorrow is omnipresent and that substance of inspiration which you found in it starts to transform some inner serenity which you had before.

-Monochrome nocturne embraces my butterfly,
tattooing ambiguity across the silver bones,
vivid as the dragons of scarlet glass.-

^I must say this is mind blowing, wow, fascinating write, it is simply so unique and you put your talent in this stanza, I think rest of this poem is fantastic too but these lines absolutely left me speechless.
-ambiguity- is a new word for me, though I think that you used it excellently here.
I thought that this means that your soul is captured into something which lost its true core,
like that you are trapped in some emotions which changed their previous substances into emptiness.
I also thought that you want to say that some doubt crawled into your being and that it makes you fragile but real in some way.

-Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
planting arcane whispers into wildfire wings.-

^I really like this repetition and effect which you left because you put -wildfire wings-, that makes very powerful atmosphere if you compare it with second stanza.
I would say that you something in you on a way transformed and that you aren't sure are you happy or unhappy with new thing you have.
To me emotions which you described seemed like you got something which you wanted but that can't go away easily (fire is strong for some time but it will eventually stop with burning)

- Illustrated madness sculptures alien anatomy;
"I drank your monotony and fragrant damnation",
erotic epiphany crucifies aura of daydreams.-

^You amazed me here, very, very powerful stanza, it is actually brilliant, so creative and every line somehow posses same intensive energy. I really enjoyed in your words here.
I don't want to offend you but I personally (though I am sure that I understood poem on completely wrong way) can't find here other meaning than that emotions which you expressed through whole piece, and that feeling on the end shaped in some form of absolute madness, like some new sensations simply crucified monotony.

-Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
planting arcane whispers into lyrical soul-

^I like the ending, it is great that you made fantastic circle with repetition, no between beginning and ending but you just sum up the whole poem.

I think that this is one of your best pieces, each part of this poem fascinated me, well done! It was honestly big pleasure to read this one.

Lost in This Verse (12)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-29

-These eager words will never escape my lips,
Just as my heart will never avoid your feet.
(Touch me with your damaged words;
I'm not telling you to fix me.)-

^Very interesting part, is is quite original and from the first line I could feel a lot of emotions in the whole stanza. It honestly captivated my attention.

-Dance these lines across my lips,
(Your presence clots the air I'm breathing.)
In this verse I've surrendered poise,
For these stars will never blush again.-

^Word -dance- in the first line made that picture truly unique. Rest of the stanza is also very refreshing, your description is I must say vivid and remarkable, great choice of combinations of words.

-[[Swear to me...]]-

^This could ruin the whole atmosphere, but it didn't at all, you made excellent rhythm with this, some kind of great pause and tone slowed down excellently, all in all impressionable for line short as this.

-You'll seize these fading images,
For the faintest trace infects my chalk-drawn eyes.
Fuse them with these upset tears,
(They're dampening my ragged cries.)-

^Whole part posses incredible mix of beauty and sadness, I like the fact that you continued to build atmosphere on the same way as in the first two stanzas, anyway I like this a lot.
Though I have one little critique, I think that you used too much of -these-, you have that in each stanza and on some places it was truly unnecessary to use this word.

-Scrape these wounds with salted claws,
I swear to you, your name is the one I'll scream.
Just promise me, you'll trap these shattered stars,
(Now will you make me beautiful?)-

^First of all you amazed me! Wow! Ending is absolutely impressing, whole stanza, you greatly inwrought emotions into this vivid picture.
You again have to -these-
I think that you should edit this and separate ending line of the stanza of
-©20080528 Mindy Huang-
Because like this this seems as the fifth line.
Anyway so powerful ending!

I congrats you on writing this poem, I will put it into my favorites, brilliant work all in all!

Try, Fail, and Pretend You Don't Feel Their Disappointment (1)
by martynrose

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-26

-A song smeared with the rigid ache of a stagnancy,
blinded by the blissful damage in a euphoric oddity.
Buried in plethora of thoughts that writhe in savage innocence,
we calm ourselves to our mistakes in a rueful opulence.-

^Amazingly written, first of all your choice of words is fantastic and the way that you expressed emotions is just brilliant. Utterly unique opening stanza.

-Nights of enamoured lies etched in our beating minds,
confused by the verity that slipped in the static times.
Words that has lost all traces of salvaged meaning,
you fervently instigate the abode of my ardent pleading.-

^Wow! This is so refreshing write. I like the atmosphere which you created, it is truly remarkable and each description is fascinating.
I think that you have little mistake in third line, it should be -have- instead of -has-

-With the final silence that sleeps within our hearts,
we bade a farewell oath to this love that slowly departs.
A plague that solidify the impeding of a treasured smile,
I stand in blistered forlorn and let the tears fall for a while-

^You expressed so strong emotions through this part and that fascinated me, very original and impressionable way to write. I get impression from this stanza that you talk about love and negative sides which it can bring.

-After some time of wasted breaths in fatigue admiration,
we turned away from this unspoken desolation.
Bewail this sodomised sorrow and rage assembled,
to try, fail and pretend you don't feel their disappoinment.-

^You took my breath away with this ending, honestly it is so brilliant and your final thought made whole piece compact.
In last line, in word -disappointment- you forgot -t- between n and m.

Overall I am so glad that I read this, this is one of the best poems I read in a while.

Movie of Our Life (9)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-26

First of all I think that this is great title for this poem, I must say that I expected something different so you quite impressed me with the subject and great connection between it and the title.

-Nuclear insignias embrace midday gloom
with a glint of heinous silhouettes
which march through the mundane hemorrhage
dank,
with macabre awareness
rather akin to nefarious wraths.-

^Fantastic opening stanza, your message is priceless, and you described it on impressionable way. Also your choice of words is complex, I truly think that this is impressive stanza.

-Postapocalyptic,
the dawn of obscurity
travels
incognito.-

^This part fascinated me, except I don't understand why it travels incognito, but other than that each word left me speechless.

-An incubus to this world,
celestial parasol,
melts histrionic alibis.-

^In first reading this amazed me but it confused me in same time, when I figured deeper meaning it became even more remarkable. You overall amazed me with this ending stanza.

All in all I admire this poem, truly, it is impressive and you expressed so much with little words, just brilliant write.

Spellcaster (27)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-26

-Heart's ambiguity is my uncanny antidote
hidden within enchanting, aquatic eyes;
Poignant elegy shatters tessellated carapace
... who brought all these mirrors here?
Elusiveness fluxes cryptograms,
bleeding paper sins.-

^I must say -Wow-
From first word this became utterly impressive. You also said so much within the words and imagery is intertwined with emotions on fantastic way. Simply genius write.

-... who brought all these mirrors here?-

^This line contains great message but it little threw me off if you look into the flow because you captured my full attention with description:
-Poignant elegy shatters tessellated carapace-
and this line came like some sudden flash, but maybe that was intentional, if it was that you wrote it excellently.
Anyway nearly everything about first stanza is fascinating and truly unique.

-Stairways lead to galleries of ancestors,
parchments and candelabrums of tragedy;
Succumbing to witchcrafts and welkins
I walk towards shackles, muttering
ghoulish words that outlined occult talismans.-

^You took me breath away here, with every line.
The whole image is amazing, very vivid and remarkable I must say. I enjoyed in whole stanza, and ending line impressed me.

This poem goes into my favorites, it is simply authentic and truly beautiful. Bravo for writing it.

Star Babies (6)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-26

-Particles of Nox,
reside upon reserved iniquity,
Banished from textured shores,
To serve as stellar light.-

^Wow Mel this is beautiful. Your choice of words is fantastic because it helped you to create this captivating atmosphere, and simply you impressed me with clear power of your words through whole stanza.

-From birth they came,
to death they begun.-

^This left me literally speechless because there is so much simplicity within this deep thought, you added so much effective tone to the rhythm of poem with this part, simple yet meaningful lines, I admire the way you said this.

-Helpless to oppose womb raiders,
They fought yet lost the fight.
kingdom orbit was destiny,
To ablaze ebony skies. -

^Fascinating ending stanza. I honestly don't know what to say, except that this is wonderful, it posses so much beauty, this poem goes into my favorites, you should be proud for writing it.

Selfish hollow's hell (4)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-26

-Lost in the suffocation of fractured memories,
staring deep into the stagnation of monotony.
guilty, the forensic evidence is more than evident...
no interaction, severing the loving hands of friendship.
behind the kindness-
of searing self-righteous eyes,
lies a secret film-
of translucent gray pillows of smoke.-

^Wow! Whole stanza is impressive, you described this on a unique way, very remarkable and you put so much emotions into each line, I really admire your writing.

-with bleeding feet,
it's so dreadful to take another step.
these god-damned shoes,
so heavy, filled with unsung self-pity.-

^Such refreshing part, I love it, very interesting idea, I don't know what to say you absolutely fascinate me each time when you write some great metaphor as this one.

-with the shaken demeanor of a lethargic ghost,
motivation past, perhaps i'll haunt you tomorrow.
i can barely lift my head to see,
that every sign reads, "no vacancy"...
hell yeah, this isolation sure is workin' for me...-

^You are the only poet who could write this, you put something so personal in your work and if I read this poem anywhere else it would be easy to tell that it is John's work, if you understand me.
Anyway pure emotions did fantastic work here, last line is somehow absolutely fascinating. Brilliant work all in all, I enjoyed in every line.

Serendipity (7)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-20

-Your words are sweet reminders
of our once chaotic resolution.
Fire deep within builds and elevates
to the very essence of my core.-

^This opening stanza is actually quite fascinating, I admire the creativity of it and I think that you described a lot of emotions. From this I got reminding on some chaotic relationship in which you found a lot of trust, that you opened yourself to that person.

-Oblivious to the captivation
those eyes set upon me.
The cadence of this feeling
will never come to be.-

^Very interesting, I like the atmosphere of whole part and first line is somehow totally impressing.

-The colours that are reflected
off a love struck soul,
decorate the surrounding walls
built to block deconstruction.-

^In first line it should be colors, instead of colours
Very remarkable image, I think that it is fantastic that you intertwined so many emotions with it, on very original way.
To me, this sounded that emotions which you feel for this person still protect you on some way.

-Completely warped
by this illusionary mental image;
this poet's heart
has simply run out of words.-

^This is a breath-taking conclusion, truly impressionable stanza, I must say you absolutely amazed me with entire poem, it is just very refreshing.

I honestly enjoy a lot, you are great writer and your work is authentic as always.

Mechanical Eulogy (13)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-14

First of all truly interesting title, it is very captivating.

-There is no point in writing around in circles
washed words, pallid moonbeams of sorrow,
yet, even the golden hearts unite once again
unlocked with the paintbrushes of ancient past.-

^ Amazing start, first two lines impressed me because they are so refreshing and you expressed sorrow on so original way. Truly remarkable stanza.

-Digital elegy begins with suffering-
how many dragons you have slain
depends on the patchwork of unborn tears
that slid softly down your spine.-

^Wow!!! This is so grotesque image. I honestly can't tell how much this fascinated me, your idea for description of emotion is amazing. -Tears that slid down the spine- that image, well personally, it led me to another image, because how actually tears get on the spine?
Whole stanza is brilliant.

-Our souls are wet, decayed under iron anguish,
so even if we're willing to sell them...
... the devil won't except damaged goods.-

^This stanza greatly supervened from the rest of the poem...
It is my favorite part, it left me speechless, each line, wow! So creative and deep, you have strong message here and the way you expressed it is impressing, this stanza is somehow perfect for my taste.

Overall you did fantastic job with this poem, I wish for another stanza, but it's shortness gave a lot of power because you said many things within this piece.
I enjoyed a lot, this is one of the best poems I read in a while, I will put it in my favorites.
It is also worth of contest nomination.

Overturn The Moon (6)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-14

Title is truly amazing, it captured my attention.

-I once started to run,
then realized I was running in circles.
Pursued by ones own tail;
is an anguish none should know.-

^This is truly fantastic stanza, I like your idea for entire poem and in third line you put very deep message in this stanza.

-Plunging deep within thoughts,
I managed to recede the chase,
though god overturned the moon;
gently shining upon light...
Becoming back to where I began
seen by what I feared most...
I started running in circles,
as it's all I've ever known.-

^Overall this part truly impressed me, I like the creativity of it and you managed to express your topic on such refreshing way.
Though I don't like last line much as the rest of this poem, because you already used word -know- and I just think that you could say this differently.

- I watched cotton owls flutter,
being careful not the stop.
A symbol of god's wisdom...
Yet the sign of devil's smirk.
I ran until I collapsed,
Laying I tried to breathe,
Was it fire I would envision,
or bright light within the fog.-

^Here your description is so vivid and remarkable. You showed your fascinating talent. Truly memorable images and you put strong emotion withing them too.
I think that you should put a comma instead of -...- in the line:
-A symbol of god's wisdom...-
because you continued with word -yet- so that should be same sentence.

-That day I learned a new trick,
Again I started to run,
yet this time not in circles but;
in the shape of tasteful hearts. -

^I like the message a lot, you quite amazed me once again, I truly love your write.
Personally I suggest you to change -that day- but that is my own impression, maybe simply -then- would fit better.
Anyway excellent way to end this piece.

I enjoyed a lot, I am glad that I read this, truly impressionable job Mel!

Ice Queen (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-10

-Diamond-patterned tongue illustrates wildfire
crawling across recombined heartbeats
doused with flourish hissing of emerald sun
which embedded witchcrafts into frigid aura.-

^First of all wow! Impressive description, truly, it is refreshing and so detailed.
I think that you lack some punctuation here, core is very powerful yet, I personally think that it would be more effective with some punctuation signs to separate thoughts.
I suggest you to put some commas.

-Cerulean eyes absorb narrative horizons.-

^This is excellent line, very clear description and it is vivid. Good choice of words too.

-Words surrender to the effigy of winged winter,
embodying malediction within nightingale's heart
as phlegmatic addictions allure silhouettes
outlined with ink of gunpowder and blood.-

^Fore some reason I dislike description -winged wither-, and here you also need commas too make it easier to follow but other than that truly impressionable stanza. Each heart posses something which impressed me, you managed to make atmosphere on very creative and intense way.

-Cerulean eyes absorb narrative horizons.-

^I like this description, it gives connection in whole poem and makes it compact, also it added a new hue to the story under words.

-Icicles, like needles, ornament cyan halo,
embracing frail petals of inner aurora;
snowy watercolors reflect sensations, as
stripped temptations mold enticing gaze. -

^First two lines left me without breath with captivating beauty within them, so vivid and memorable picture.
I don't see why you used comma in third line.
In a way ending line impressed and didn't impressed me, first I thought that you will finish with some effective line which refers on
-Cerulean eyes absorb narrative horizons.-
That would be great, I think.
On the other hand last line was quite spectacular, definitely remarkable and powerful.

I love this piece, I enjoyed in each stanza, you wrote it with a lot clever and unique thoughts.

Need (11)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-10

You made excellent connection with title, truly refreshing.

-Infectious cravings of a deep memory
prick the inside of my conscience.
Sweet reminders of a love now lost
enervate my knees,
causing a crash without end.-

^Wow! Truly fascinating stanza, your choice of words is great and you managed to create so powerful and vivid images in my mind, at the same time expressing emotions excellently.
I just don't see why you used -the- in second line.

-Oh, how the memory of you still sticks like taffy;
stuck, and tongue tied.
The longing for your touch, your voice,
makes me sick.-

^This is deeply powerful and you expressed so much, though I think that you could use something more effective than -makes me sick- that quite threw me off but other than ending this stanza posses same breath-taking and bittersweet beauty as the rest.

-Nauseating thoughts of an obsessive desire;
I am yours.
Let me bend to your will.
A slave to some, devoted to you.-

^Brilliant, truly brilliant, I found complexness within simplicity of this words.

-Tears freeze like ice upon my lips.
An addiction I wish not to overcome.
A love like yours, lost or gained,
is my only necessity to survival.-

^I personally think that you don't need -like ice- in first line, tears freeze is powerful enough.
You actually continued sentence which you started in second line so instead of full stop on the end of second line should be comma.
Other than that this is creative and captivating.

I honestly enjoyed, you wrote this brilliantly.

Sporadic (8)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-09

-I find no comfort in pleasure or pain.
What I lack in life, I cannot make up in dreams.
I have changed.
No longer who I was,
yet not what I should become.-

^I like this stanza, truly emotional and unique, actually I think that you wrote this opening stanza with such captivating power within words. I like the rhythm which you created in third line, simple but endlessly effective, you somehow put a tone down and said that as a fact and that created even stronger intensity to that thought. I also like the message between last two lines, you expressed greatly emotions of being captured between nothing.
I think that you maybe overused -I- but that is my personal opinion.

-The song of life;
I lack harmony.-

^Interesting part, I like the message, it would be maybe more powerful if you add -in- so it would be:
In the song of life
I lack harmony

-It is not enough to breathe or exist.
Destiny lies on borders I cannot cross.
The distance is immeasurable,
and I'm afraid to ask for directions.-

^Excellent lines, you described truly deep feeling here with little words, bravo!

-Sitting like a glacier;
fate is the Titanic.-

^Truly remarkable stanza, I admire the fact that it is so short and deep in the same time, also you left great possibility of double meaning between words because you actually said that fate is crashing from you and inversely. Nice metaphor.

-I've found the needs, but never the wants.
I've lived, loved, and lost, but never did I gain.
Granted desires, and the take-what-you-can-get,
but never the deserve.-

^This is my least favorite stanza, I don't like listing things when you could said them through metaphor and add even more effective tone to the atmosphere. I also think that you need different position of punctuation signs. I would personally organize it like this:

-I've found the needs, but never the wants.
^In my opinion you could put comma on the end of this line because it is practically the same thought with second one, but if that is too long sentence for your taste than leave it like this.

I've lived, loved, and lost, but never did I gain.

^-and- has function of comma so you don't need that sign in front of it. One more thing I think that you wanted to say that you never gained -granted desires- so you can't put a full stop on the end of line, actually if that was the same sentence you don't need any punctuation there.
Granted desires, and the
take-what-you-can-get,
but never the deserve.-

^I wouldn't put comma before word -and- I don't see why you used word -the- in first line.

-Existence is a void I cannot fill;
for I am nothing as well.-

^This ending is pure brilliance! Wow, you truly impressed me with the power of your emotion, fantastic write.

Overall I enjoyed a lot in this piece, it is truly incredibly written, great topic and the fact that it is written with such honesty, straight from the heart, gave even more beauty and sadness to the whole piece.

Liquid Diamonds (5)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-07

I must say first of all I think that you shouldn't capitalize letters after commas because on that way you lowered intensity of other lines where you need to use full stop.

-Tasteful,
they are.
Though I'll admit;
they're not you. -

^Amazing opening stanza, you honestly captured my attention with unusual structure.
Very refreshingly written, personally I would put punctuation signs on different order but just my personal opinion.

-Liquid diamonds caress taste buds,
Poisoning venom to veins of blood,
"Diamonds are a girls best friend"
She whispered....
Mixed with cocaine based addiction.-

^Great stanza, truly unique and very memorable. You expressed emotions on remarkable way and you have very impressionable twist in the atmosphere of whole piece.

-Glamorous visions compliment her mind,
Spotlights dance light upon sweet face,
Mesmerized by the mirrors of fine glory,
"Completed"..... or so she thought.
Though not me, not I. Not without you. -

^Very interesting, it almost seemed to me that you have two metaphors here, anyway truly original lines, I like them a lot.

-Formication lost within your touch,
Licking salty wounds caressing eyes,
"Diamonds aren't a girls best friend"
I'll whisper....
After all they don't compare to you. -

^And with this ending you left huge impression on me! Wow, I didn't expected that, truly powerful, very emotional and vivid ending.

I love this poem, it is very captivating and it simply impressed me on few ways, I think that you also built great imagery and mix that with descriptions of emotions, truly greatly created piece.

The Drugs Don't Work (3)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-07

First line truly touched me deeply, it sounds straight from the heart and it is effective.

-Burn such flammable eyes a little more,
Gasoline cans spark self destruction,
Thrashing away in powdered graveyards,
Tranced within colors you never knew.-

^Truly interesting start, you expressed a lot of emotions and left touch of sorrow in each line, truly creative choice of words.

-Aching hearts still reside within snow,
Stop freezing yourself within fake ice,
Let salty tears travel to bitter lips,
Don't be afraid to let go of old habits.-

^I like your descriptions, truly vivid and refreshing, I like the personal tone which you created.

-Deny feared trapment to bounded webs,
You'll fall and stumble yet never win,
I've always whispered to deafened ears,
Though who am I to judge a fools life. -

^Truly excellent write, I see a lot of feelings between lines, on me you left impression of some unspoken emotions which you felt.

-Bruises will heal upon tiresome skin,
Yet memory's never fade into the flesh,
Jealousy can haunt the world to pieces,
Only your pained heart knows this best. -

^Somehow you managed to change a lot rhythm of poem but it is still compact, greatly said, I love your ability to show a lot of details and you did that greatly in this stanza, very powerful.

-Trust in me when I hush I'll help you,
Crawling comes first, then you walk.
Take the last steps of becoming a man,
Returning to innocence of who you are. -

^To be honest you impressed me with this ending, very unique and deep. You put some little more complex atmosphere through the poem and than finished it with simple thought which summed all up and that was truly intense.

Bravo for writing this poem, you should be proud on your self, you also made great connection with title without using in in the poem which is always effective.

I enjoyed a lot in this poem, overall brilliant write, each stanza posses such strong emotions.

Eclipse (9)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-05

First of all I really like the title, it is somehow powerful because of it's simplicity.

-Do not question my faith-

^This is truly intense line, it holds very strong message and you opened poem on interesting way.

-the one that embedded a detonator
into your silver, weeping moon,
remembers
all those nightmares
that were translated into pure madness.-

^I am honestly fascinated by these lines, I admire your creativity and message is very memorable. I don't think that my interpretation of the meaning of this stanza is correct though, but I love each word of it.

-Promises fade between bleeding stars,
the sky's burning, shiny scars
that testify about the times when we had gods.-

^This is interesting, I like the topic. Word -shiny- somehow doesn't feet in my mind, but my personal opinion, I think that you used that adjective because you have deep meaning because that are actually positive reminders but still I think that you could find better word.

-Some notes never played
haunt phlegmatic tendencies
turning the hourglasses,
ancient remains
within this digital mechanism.-

^amazing, truly amazing stanza. I like the way you said this, you expressed your message on truly effective way.

-Now, when the history merged
with the world's eclipse,
do not question my faith. -

^And this ending stanza is simply fantastic, truly impressionable. I like how you ended the poem and you made great connection between core of whole piece, start and the title. Truly clever and powerful write.

I admire your descriptions through the whole poem. Bravo, I really enjoyed in this piece.

Rara Avis (10)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-02

Very refreshing title.

-Charred thoughts of those moments arise,
trigger nerves;
Shivering, trembling.-

^I like this opening lines, very powerful and captivating, your choice of words is original and you described intense passion on elegant and creative way.
Though after -;- shouldn't be capital letter.

-A phobic feeling crosses the mind,
left in trance;
Amorous, stunned.-

^Another stanza in which you expressed a lot, I truly like your new style of writing, in your latest work you are able to describe strong feelings with little words.
And here also first letter in last line shouldn't be capitalized.

-Filled with joy beyond comparison,
hearts of gold;
fulsome, frisson.-

I think that you could use better word than -joy- I don't like it in first sentence, but other than that I truly enjoyed in this stanza too.

-Hobson's Choice is the finale,
one gladly performed;
love, delight.-

^Honestly, in my opinion, this part wasn't fantastic as the rest of the poem, in all other stanza I could say that they posses very deep emotions and this seemed random to me, I don't like the tone of this lines, but that is only my personal impression.

-Oh, what a wonderful feeling.-

^This is great ending line, I like the rhythm which you closed with it and somehow narrative and still personal tone. Truly excellently written, simple and effective in the same time.

Overall I must congrats you on your writing, I am really glad that I read this, this is great piece.

Concrete Clouds (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-05-01

First of all I think that title is utterly amazing.

-We broke the clouds as music boxes of malevolence
while stone dreams bled pearl honey of bitter concepts;-

^I like the picture which you described a lot, though in first line little threw me off word -clouds- because I really think that title is fantastic so I didn't expected to see that word in first line.
I second line, but, maybe -bitter conceptions- could be more effective if you somehow brake it from rest of that line because you already have two vivid and remarkable descriptions in that line and third is maybe unnecessary on the same place.
Anyway I truly like the start of this poem.

-are you there?-

^Honestly I think that you couldn't write this on more intense way, wow! Superb brake of rhythm and simple but somehow mind-blowing thought. I truly admire your ability to change tone of the poem this much with so little words.

-Timeless hands froze carnal mystifications
and my wordplays
carry gloomy metaphors of wretched sorrow,-

^First line literally took my breath, truly fascinating choice of words and I can see very deep hidden meaning beside of this stanza. Also I think that you expressed so much, though you could use some better word than -gloomy- in my opinion, but I just don't like something about it, it reminds me on something which in my head makes it less serious, but that is my personal impression.

-read between the lines:
^ I truly think that this is another memorable break of rhythm, totally impressive.

Obedience dismantles winged words

-I like this, truly, very clever write, in my mind it described some exposed soul.

and distant stars-

^something is truly captivating in your short lines within this poem, like here, you said so much and left clues of so many emotions behind this description, you also managed to make it vivid.

-shine with power of amethyst dawns,
circling with fragrant delusions, embracing
tales weaved with moonlit needles. -

^Brilliant stanza. It is so interesting, I admire your writing through it, very impressionable and each word that you used is great.

-Bestial thunderstorms shape
sacrilege- my addiction- of
inflamed claws which lacerate dreams;-

^You fascinated me even more here. I don't like using of -dreams- second time, but on a way you made connection between start here. Anyway this impressed me, especially first two lines, you described some bestial passion in them.

-Detuned communication
locked frail translations;
Lanterns burned down
our concrete clouds. -

^I like your metaphors here, all in all I think that this is about exposing yourself to some person, maybe opening your soul to the paper or some person.
I like the ending, very unique stanza.

Overall I love this piece, it is very deep and atmosphere in it impressed me on many ways, truly memorable. I am very glad that I read it.

Cold case (6)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-29

You have surprisingly refreshing rhymes.
Overall this poem is impressive, truly.

- A broken heart,
a bleeding fist,
a silver blade,
against her wrist.
Tears run down to lips unkissed,
ignore her and she wont exist.
She's not the kind you'll come to miss.-

^I like this start, great opening stanza, it is very captivating and unique. You expressed emotions on amazing way and truly interesting stanza. I think that you could use stronger word than -kind- in last line.

-A wounded soul,
eyes so blind,
only seeing the pain of life.
Insane in the mind,
broken in time.
Trying to put life,
back in re-wind.-

^This stanza quite fascinated me, there is some great power within sorrow and simplicity which you described.

-A suicidal spirit,
she thought she was strong.
Now everyone moves on,
when she's over and gone.-

^This is very interesting, I don't like rhyme -strong- and -gone- in my mind that doesn't rhyme.
Other than that you once again expressed emotions on a good way, first line is truly captivating and original.

-Stainful tears run down her face,
a tainted love that cant be replaced.
Just another cold case,
of a life gone to waste.-

^This is very remarkable , maybe my favorite stanza, except second one, but anyway, you wrote it with interesting rhyme and I like your descriptions, you didn't forced rhyming or ruined atmosphere because of it which is excellent.

Bravo! I enjoyed very much in this poem.

Nescience (7)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-29

First of all very unique title. I like how you managed to make great connection between it and a poem without putting it in piece.

-Existance seems to escalate.
Appearances unfold into what can only be interpreted as guile.
Devotion is wasted into a frightful subterranean ocean.-

^existance should be existence
Anyway that is amazing stanza, you truly impress me with your work, each line is so deep and powerful. I don't have anything bad to say, truly original and refreshing lines, I admire your ability to write something beautiful as this. It is so interesting and you captured my attention, your choice of words is also fantastic and your expressed very deep message with little words. You have fascinating metaphors through whole piece though this is my favorite stanza.

-Treasured moments fall astray
as cherished becomes defend.
Though pride is immeasurable,
worthiness does not validate for destruction.-

^Wow, wow, fascinating write, it is so creative... You wrote truly impressionable stanza with so much emotions and complexness in it.

-Chaotic resonance tar minds;
When will tranquility set sail?
Corruption is all that is left.
Betrayal as the extra baggage.-

^Very effective part, I really think that your choice of words is excellent, you put so much detail in this which made it even more vivid.

-Deteriorated ambience
of a once compassion filled Mother;
Humble ceases to exist.
There is no stopping point.-

^You wrote this on such strong way, I can agree with topic if I understand it correctly, anyway you created really intense atmosphere.
ambience should be ambiance

-What shall be her conclusion?-

^I honestly think that this is utterly amazing ending, brilliant ending line, so powerful, so authentic...
This thought posses some simplicity but is very deep in same time.

Bravo! You managed to impress me with each stanza and line, this is going into my favorites, I am impressed with this poem on so many levels.

Burning Wings, Red Eye Kisses (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-29

I like title a lot, so unique and captivating title.

-The mind sinks within tide of jasmine confessions
as the thoughts embrace an idea of emerald glances
enwrapped around naked digits that murmured;-

^Very interesting lines, you truly described passion excellently, I like your choice of words, it is very descriptive, though personally I really can't tell which emotions you expressed.

-Addictive impurity consumes distant senses,
darkened past swallows whirlpools of winged promises
enticing kisses whispered around the midnight.-

^This absolutely fascinated me. I like construction and combinations of words, amazingly written lines. You on a detailed way managed to create such vivid and original imagery in my mind, absolutely beautiful.

-Ink stained fingertips are smudging across the auras
all those exquisite desires, elegant temptations
that implanted dreams into reality's glassy lace.-

^Wow! I had two read twice to understand that I read apposition, impressive write...

-Hyacinths enslave my ephemeral fallacies,
absorbing halos with mesmerizing, bloodshot eyes,
as this melody seduces frail conscience, while-

^Absolutely beautiful, this and second one are my favorite stanzas, you said this with such complexness and express core of your emotions.

-the mind sinks within tide of jasmine confessions
and the thoughts embrace an idea of emerald glances
merged with scarred yet submissive heart. -

^This sudden brake on word -while- truly threw me off, I don't understand why you didn't wrote that as one stanza instead of breaking sentence on two...
I admire the way you ended this poem, so powerful, you took my breath with that, outstanding write on the end, repetition and than great conclusion, bravo!

Overall this is fantastic poem, I enjoyed a lot in it.

Ardent Waltz (13)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-29

First of all title is great, it has excellent connection with poem.

I will tell my personal interpretations but I doubt that you thought about that things when you wrote this.

-Enchanting vocals portray heart's refrains,
stanzas sketched across ruby red canvas
with beauty of butterflies and sugar canes
enwrapped with glowing, pearly sensations.-

^First line is beautiful, it sounded to me that some person can tell exactly what you constantly feel inside. Rest of the stanza is also good, though I personally deeply dislike word -sugar canes- but all in all it seemed to me that with some fresh energy and love someone, metaphorically, paint across you, that you bond, maybe through art. Overall you put a lot of pink and red hues across this, that is fantastic because you can describe color of atmosphere without actually telling it but I personally don't like it too much.
And third line is inserted so you should or
put comas on the end of second and third line or, at least, detach third line of last line with coma on the end of it.

-Passionate kisses form fragrant addiction,
morphing hesitation into liquid lullabies
crowned with whispers of elegant fiction;
hand in hand, pupils fill with hues of fire.-

^Amazingly written, I am actually impressed with this part a lot more than I was with first stanza. It looks to me that you hesitated to enter into something but now, when you let emotions to grow you can't actually live without that. Which I figured from comparing passion with -lullaby and addiction-
nice rhyme btw.

-Entranced with anticipations oh, so sweet,
laced promises flow through the veins;
florescent emotions rhyme with words on repeat
completing soul's concealed puzzle.-

^This too me looks like merging with some great beauty, you wrote this on truly creative and clever way. I admire your writing through whole stanza. And you added great tone with -anticipations-
Though I suggest you to put comma in first line before word -oh- that way it makes more sense.

-Ardent gazes interlock above the candlelight,
thoughts frolic with molten temptations
embracing celestial elixir of delight,
spilling spectrum of affection within zest.-

^You greatly showed growing of your emotions through the poem, here your feelings entered in some beauty which is bigger than humans which you compare with celestial things. Maybe cause it is too rare to belong here.
Incredible stanza with each stanza I admire this piece more.
I don't like just one thing, the fact that you used word -ardent- because I hoped that -ardent waltz- is one name for your -dance- with strong emotions which you described in this poem so I dislike use of that word in piece, you maybe could put some synonym. (maybe flamed gazes)

-Enchanting vocals portray heart's refrains,
stanzas sketched across ruby red canvas
with beauty of butterflies and sugar canes
enwrapped with glowing, pearly sensations.-

In my mind I saw some upgrowth of your feelings so repetition threw me off a little.

Overall honestly this isn't one of your pieces which are my favorites but it was huge pleasure to read it, very authentic and remarkable write.

Arcane (8)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-28

-Jaded thoughts captivate.
Undefined, unconditional passion.
Lips locked, never to escape.
Hold tight, not to slip away.-

^Truly refreshing and effective opening lines. Though with the full stop on the end of the first line second line doesn't make much sense. If you wanted to tell that jaded thoughts captive passion than you can't finish sentence on the end of first line cause that is one thought and it should end in second line.
Anyway usually I really don't care about flow because I don't think that it is important part of the piece but here I could really tell that you done fantastic job with flow cause whole piece followed one, truly remarkable, rhythm.

-Something so precious, so rare,
should not be taken for granted.
Treasured by most, unknown to some;
an epic battle with a nameless outcome.-

^Incredible stanza. I admire your metaphor and this lines posses depth filled with a lot of emotions. You truly impressed me with powerful message here, greatly written.

-Hunted like prey,
will bullets consume?
Will flames burn deep within
scarring the walls that surround?-

^Another excellently written part, in my mind it bonded greatly first and second stanza and made whole poem very intense and compact.

-One cannot determine the ache handed down.
Yet most do not fathom the beauty it beholds.-

^Truly effective and beautiful. I love your choice of words here, priceless lines for this piece, this and second stanza are parts which left me without words.

-Breathe in.
Hold on.
Respect.
Trust.-

^I actually like your choice of words and I think that idea for this stanza is truly creative and that you can express a lot of feelings through this stanza. Though I think that you can make more better tone and rhythm with better allocation of punctuation signs.
Maybe it would be even more powerful if you chose two of that four lines which you want to highlight because when each line is one sentences you don't get to intense rhythm and don't see one emotions in front of the others.

-Without love, there is nothing.-

^You made it simple here. I personally don't agree with this thought but it is great way to end poem, I think, for my taste little to obliviously said but it holds amount of beauty and I like the way you slowed down tone, very powerful.

Overall I enjoyed very much in this poem, I think that your descriptions are fantastic and this one quite impressed me.
Bravo for writing this, it is very unique and it was truly pleasure to read it.

The Life Of A Child During Abortion (4)
by Wallace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-27

This is quite touching, it is interesting but it didn't impressed me too much. I don't see this piece as poetry, it is more like a story which you wrote in stanzas. The bad impression on me left the fact that you didn't actually completed any sentences, you don't have any punctuation signs which made this poem hard to read. You wrote this too clear for my taste, though you expressed emotions nicely you used same words many times and it seems that you lack ability to express your thoughts on unique way. I personally think that you could add some metaphors or make it at least little deeper.
But overall not bad piece, it is not too poetic though.

Digital Ghost (30)
by Sher

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-27

You expressed emotions on a good way. I think that you described your feelings greatly, though you could use more creative words, you still managed to portray your message on a strong way.
Repetition of first stanza didn't left too big impression on me, you on a nice way put a tone of circle which isn't over there but it personally didn't impressed me too much cause I expected some powerful thought for the ending line.
I think that this poem could have even more effective rhythm if you used some punctuation. Anyway overall I truly enjoyed in this piece. First lines didn't pulled me in this poem too much. Second stanza is fantastic. That was my favorite part of the poem, you wrote it excellently and said so much with little words, truly great stanza.
Bravo!

From the inside looking out (13)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-26

Amazing ending, ending line is so impressionable. I like your rhymes, they are really creative and you somehow manage to add a lot of effect to the rhythm of the poem with them. One few places punctuation could be better used. There is one thing which I don't like about whole poem, the fact that it is created like a link of dark descriptions, I think that idea was intense but you didn't managed to make a poem compact because of that. I want to say that I didn't see the connection between some sentences. Though mine interpretation of the meaning of this piece is that you in each stanza on different ways expressed one emotion, emotion that there is deeper, dark, truth inside of us and that people don't want to see it. Like that each thing on the world have twisted side.

Title is truly outstanding, very deep and original.

-Blackened knives and bloody clouds.
Crimson raindrops pouring down. -

^I think that you could use more powerful word from -knives- but that is just my personal opinion cause I dislike that word. Anyway brilliant description.

-Wilted roses blossom death.
A quiet killer not obsessed.-

^I like this lines a lot, I love how you put so much power in so steady but deep thought.

-Broken crosses bleeding black.
Serene memories soon attack.-

^Very nice, in my opinion you disturbed construction of this cause of rhyming but other than that you continued to blow my mind with vividness of the imagery.

-Shattered glass falls to the ground.
Insanity shall soon abound.-

^I like your using of word -shall- it gave a lot of intensity to the whole stanza, I also like the impression which I got that everything in this poem breaks.

-Broken shards liquefy.
The happy child begins to cry.-

^Truly refreshing and remarkable write, you described strong emotion with such simplicity which I admire.

- And as this life falls apart,
So does another victims heart.-

^I don't like your rhyme here because it is quite typical but other than that very nice.

-Shadows come and shadows go.
Blood will run and blood will flow.-

^Now this is incredible! You fascinated me with this lines, I pictured shadows merging with blood, and that slide as a bloody shadows, I actually think that you should make this image more real and add one stanza to make it more detail.

- Through the wounds and out the veins.
Something moves and something strains,-

^Very very powerful, to me it sounded that you talk about wounds of life, and some heal others not, than later they hunt you through reminiscences cause they are part of you, your shadows.

- To see what lies under the skin.
To see where someone's soul begins.-

^Very effective lines, I love them absolutely.

-But what you find you'll want to hide.
Because no one likes the truth inside. -

^This is my favorite stanza! Wow, no truly, WOW! Superb ending, it is absolutely incredible, you finished with very deep thought, somehow haunting.

All in all I enjoyed very much in this poem, amazingly written.

High Speed Connection (13)
by Lonely Little Dreamer

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-25

Wow! I must say that you honestly impressed me with this poem. It is so provocative and I didn't read more powerful life-society poem in a long time. Each line is filled with great descriptions and your choice of words is very creative through whole poem.

I think that title is very good for this poem, it is unique and you made very strong bond between it and the piece without even using it in a poem.

- Tick, tick, tick, goes the tapping of fingertips;
As the 3PM bomb approaches sweet climax.
Bam! Brief satisfaction.
Releasing institutionalized drones off to the world.
Single file they march, silent, they reach their goal;
Paying tribute to the time card god. -

^You absolutely pulled me in this poem with first stanza, it is so deep and it still poses some simplicity. I like how you opened this piece, it is very innovate. Simply whole stanza is amazing.

- Regrouping at HOME base,
Forming average 4.5 families.
Self-absorbed husbands,
Buying lust off the interwebs.
Hideously picture perfect plastic wives,
Forced into pill popping frenzy, a cure for loneliness;
While their children are surviving,
Life lines attached to a virtual reality world.-

^Such brilliant and intense description. You expressed your message on truly interesting way, terrifying is the fact that this lines posses so many deep truths about the world and life.

-Viral syndrome: work, sleep, repeat;
Slowly depletes our creative potential.
Humanity failing, culture now lost.-

^Simply superbly written. This is great as the rest of the poem, I absolutely agree with the excellent message which you strongly described in this lines.

-SYSTEM ERROR!
World crashing; in 3, 2, 1... -

^Here you truly stunned me, so effective ending. You made amazing connection between it and beginning of this poem, it is truly provocative and it makes you to think for a while cause it is very real.

Whole piece is also excellent in punctuation sense.

Overall big kudos to you, I enjoyed so much in this poem and I will put this into my favorite poems, it also deserves contest nomination.

Singing With Your Silence (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-25

Wow... Beautiful poem, it is so vivid and emotional. After so many poems which I red today I can say that this one is nearly perfect with punctuation, I truly think that you made very effective atmosphere on few places with excellent use of punctuation signs.
Personally title didn't captivated me too much.

-Inky lines sketched across frosty paper
testify about subconscious acts;
these quiet words are my stripped heart,
an exterior of mirrored hopes and fears.-

^I must disagree with Auzy; inky lines sounded amazing in my head and you created so powerful and vivid image in my mind with ink spreading across paper of ice, it is incredible metaphor and very remarkable description. Second and third line are also very intense and I like word-subconscious- there, it is very original. Third line posses so much beauty and deep feelings. Fourth line is maybe only thing which didn't impressed too much in this poem cause with the words:-an exterior of mirrored -
started on so powerful way so-hopes and fears- didn't really made a maximum potential of that line in my mind. But I believe that this is just my personal impression, though I would add one more description in front of-hopes and dreams-, maybe something like word duplex.

-What lies behind the door number fourteen?
Moving pictures replay foundations
enslaved by gentle fingertips,
scarring hands,
merging blood with stones.-

^You managed to fascinate me here even more, first line is so interesting and it truly made me wonder. Here you added great effect to the rhythm of the poem with strong punctuation. This is probably my favorite stanza, you have fantastic choice of words and it is brilliant in so many ways, I also admire combinations of expressions which you used; for example -merging blood with stones-

-Mute starlight is the narrator
of my sleeping tragedy,
a projector
built with torn bricks.-

^Another amazing part, truly amazing, you continued the poem with equal beauty. I am honestly stunned with the fact that in, at least in my mind, you described so many emotions through this vivid imagery.
Though maybe it would sounded even more powerful with coma replaced:
-Mute starlight is the narrator
of my sleeping tragedy,
a projector,
built with torn bricks.-
but this would sound better only if you want to put line -a projector- into background and make pause before and after it, that way powerful description of last line would be separate from third and it's message would be highlighted.
But that is, of course, just a suggestion.

-Glittery rainbow shatters thoughts,
personified with engulfing grin;
moonbeams battle burning anxiousness,
consuming ember of my sentences,
raging with the fire of icy droplets.-

^Image -glittery rainbow- threw me off a bit, cause I pictured whole poem in moonlight, but anyway this is totally fascinating stanza, you did amazing job with it, great choice of words, and added a lot effect with simplicity of the last line. Truly impressionable write.

- Singing with your silence,
oh, what a wonderful sight... -

^This is very remarkable ending, it added some compact touch to the piece and it is perfectly said, so calmly and with memorable beauty.

Overall I enjoyed so much in this poem, excellently done!

Lunar Arcanum (5)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-25

Wow! Wow, this is so beautiful, I actually found a lot of bittersweet energy within the words, it is amazingly written. Ending line took my breath away and you truly pulled me into this poem from the first word. Title is so refreshing.
This poem goes into my favorites, it posses everything which puts it into group of few pieces which I consider for something closest to poetic perfection.
Imagery is brilliant. Vivid and intertwined with truly original choice of words, you made captivating atmosphere mixing complex and simple combinations of words, merging them into one picture of beauty and sorrow.
You made such fantastic impression on me when you said that puppet on the string pulls your chains, cause you, in my mind, flawlessly described senselessness and actual small size of something to which you have to acquiesce, system of life maybe?
But i don't think that my interpretation of that stanza is correct, also, -blank wall yelling at you- is so unique, in my mind it sounded like you have to face with lack of uniqueness and that you are in front of the-person, or place- which lack actual life energy.
Opening stanza is very powerful and description which you have there is amazing.
-Have you forgotten
the colors
of baptism
within our cardboard cathedral? -
^Fantastic stanza, broken lines are so effective, and they have very deep message.

-I tried to be someone else
but I'm living through this rebellion
once again
smudging
apocryphal revelations
with bitter hollowness...

... and now,
I'm giving up on everything. -

This two stanzas are my favorite part of the poem, incredible choice of words, and I like pause between them, you did excellent job with ...
And all in all truly fascinating poem.

Beyond Theory (18)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-25

Very eye-catching title, it is interesting and I think that you truly managed to make powerful connection between it and a poem.

-Cryptic messages in flourescent lighting,
speak soft distilled whispers of hope.
A shiny gem obscured.

^Very captivating opening stanza, it pulled me in this poem. Though you don't need a coma on the end of first line, there is absolutely know punctuation need for coma there, you brake that thought little with that sign.
Other than that very descriptive stanza.

- Abstract gleams from hearts.
Pieces, not yet filled.
Delusional, though somehow sane.-

^I really admire your writing through this part, it is very effective, but I think that you have punctuation error. Maybe I am wrong but if you wanted to say that --Abstract gleams from hearts.-- are --Pieces, not yet filled--
than that should be in one sentence cause that would be apposition and you just need a coma on the end of first and second line, but if that wasn't your point than leave it like this.

-Clocks stop, time goes on.
Fear burrowed in the soul
for pondering the unkown.-

^You added so much power to the rhythm with first line and whole stanza amazed me.
unkown-should be-unknown
But you still said so much with such short lines.

-Truth beyond words
linger in the almost quiet air.
Deceit is not too far on the trail.-

^Greatly written, so remarkable expression, your choice of words is also excellent and you created truly original atmosphere.

-To sacrifice it all,
Succumb to it all.
Emerge, embrace, believe.-

^Amazingly written, this your metaphor reach it's maximum, truly beautiful lines, you impressed me here very much.

-Or perish into a void of nothing. -

I honestly think that this is brilliant ending, you ended this piece with such poetic power, I truly can't even describe how much complex beauty I found within simplicity of this ending line.

Overall you wrote so memorable poem. I enjoyed so much in it, all in all it is so creative and refreshing. I like the fact that you made whole piece ample with use of unique and detail descriptions.
Excellently written.

If Coverless You Wouldn't See (10)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-24

I smile when I read this cause it is amazing in so many ways.
Wow, each line is, wow! You expressed emotions on impressionable way, very unique and filled with such passion. I am honestly impressed. Repetition is somehow in background which was so much powerful and you again managed to touch me on the ending, ending line is incredible.
This poem goes into my favorites, it is also absolutely worth of contest nomination.
Beautiful piece, title is also very interesting and I am also amazed with the fact that you can fascinate me this much with such short poem. Your words are simply priceless.

Skyscraper (13)
by Jaymes Haze

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-24

Very interesting poem, I must say I enjoyed a lot in it, you put so much detail and emotions in words and created truly remarkable atmosphere. I also must congrats you cause you somehow managed to mix vivid imagery with pure feelings and create truly deep core of this piece. This is very unique, it isn't typical and cliche love poem, you put real and deep emotions into it and I like the ending, very powerfully written.
Bravo.

I watched the sunrise today (1)
by Gizmo

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-24

Can I say something totally honest in this comment and expect that you will not offend? I will be honest and this is just my personal opinion if I don't like something that doesn't have to mean that it is bad in everyones eyes, tastes are different so sorry if I sound harsh in this comment.

I don't like the fact that you opened this poem with line which is nearly identical as a title. That left pretty negative impression on me. Second and third line of first stanza are interesting and you started to express emotions on nice way. I don't like the ending of first stanza cause you don't need words -here- and -this- at the same place.
Second stanza has few punctuation errors, for example that stanza should start with capital letter which is foundation of any kind of punctuation, i should be -I- and when you used full stop in last line you had to capitalize first letter after it. Also if you tried to make whole poem rhymes, -strong- doesn't rhyme with -gone-
I really don't want to offend you but I personally dislike whole stanza and I cannot understand that someone who writes poetry don't know that new sentence should start with capital letter.

-your gone now, i'm alone and i'm scared i will forget,
that once upon a time, i fell in love with you b4, we even met,
just look after me Angel, watch over my step, i'll stay true.
cause no matter whare i am, i no i wil always be with you-

In my opinion this stanza was poor. You absolutely threw me off with it.
first line:
-your gone now, i'm alone and i'm scared i will forget-
should be
you're gone now, I'm alone an scared; I will forget, and you already used word -gone- you could be little more creative.
second line:
-that once upon a time, i fell in love with you b4, we even met,-

^Sorry for saying this but this line doesn't make any sense to me cause how can you fall in love with someone who you don't know? It seems that you wrote that only cause it rhymes with forget and forced rhyming is absolutely unnecessary and it just ruined the flow.
Why, I simply cannot understand why you used slang? It simply isn't poetic at all, and is is really hard to write -before- Also -once upon the time- doesn't have any function there.
Rest of the stanza is completely wrongly written in punctuation sense, also last line doesn't make any sense cause word -no- isn't word -know- and construction of that sentence isn't correct.
All in all me and you clearly don't see poetry at the same way.

Dark Side of the Sun (23)
by Cayce

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-24

Wow! Amazingly written, honestly, this is so refreshing and remarkable poem. I enjoyed in each line, it is very unique and you wrote it with much power. You also managed to greatly create very vivid imagery, I like the ending line, very effective write.
And lines:
-Let it be a haven for things left unsaid.-
helped you to create even more impressionable rhythm and make whole poem compact.
Rhyming is very intense and creative. I am so glad that I read this cause it truly posses incredible energy, you are very talented and you put so much details in this piece which made it even better.
Excellent job.

Puppet Strings (14)
by Nicole the Fairy

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-23

First of all I must say:
-Each word in this comment is my personal opinion and if I say something negative I don't want to offend you
-Title didn't impressed me too much cause I think that it could be little more complex
-Rhyming is quite amazing in each stanza, very unique, I always think that person simply shouldn't write rhyming piece if rhymes are typical and predictable, well your were great, actually, you made truly captivating rhythm with them.
-I don't see why you capitalized each first letter in every line. That on some places ruined a flow for me cause it doesn't go right with the punctuation.

-Just let me go
From this world please.
I beg you to cut from me
These painful puppet strings.-

^Very interesting opening stanza, I like it's intensity and the fact that you wrote it straight to the message was very original. Anyway, here you started to built very creative metaphor, I like the tone of whole stanza, truly refreshing and remarkable.

-I'm unable to do
My heart's desire.
Living in isolation
By my string supplier.-

^I think that you could use better expression from -to do- but anyway, you amazed me with beauty of this stanza, very impressionable write. I don't like only one thing, the fact that you used word -string- second time instead of using a synonym.

-Up, then down, then left and right;
Harmful commands are made.
I try to move and jump
But every time pushed to be laid.-

^Very powerful atmosphere, you wrote this on excellent way, imagery is fantastic and truly vivid and you continued to built that effective tone.

-Your scissors are too blunt
No freedom for me today.
Remember that life attached to puppet strings
Is not as easy as they say.-

^Here piece reached it's maximum, bravo! Superbly written stanza, though I think that you shouldn't write -puppet strings- again, but still,very nice, first two lines really impressed me.

Overall I enjoyed so much in this poem and I am really glad that I read it, well done

Muse-ic To My Ears (10)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-22

Title is brilliant, so creative and eye-catching.
First of all I must tell you that you on incredible way intertwined emotions with pictures in each part of this piece.


-Well,
darkness never;
felt so inspiring.-

^I was honestly captivated with this start, it is so powerful, you mixed emotion and image in so effective lines, you truly grabbed my attention.

-Sympathy to your lips of wax,
Caution dazzles within eyes,
Muttering metaphors to twilight,
Tasting a hollow imagination.-

^Now, how beautiful those lines are? I was literally without words when I read them, I must read them once more just to take one more look on their brilliant essence. So deep and your word choice is great. Pure poetic beauty, very unique and so vivid description, Mel you took my breath with this mesmerizing stanza.

- Absorbing creativity to glitter,
Drifting tranced to beating door,
Inadequate to depart once again,
Oh contemptible translucent muse. -

^I like your detail writing here, you managed to portray very clearly this complex lines, you created excellent rhythm too.

-Blaze attire to particles of dust,
Clip cypress crown to never vanish,
Chant inspiration to rushing ears,
Grounded mutilated upon my shoulder.-

^Simply fantastic, I have my own interpretation of deep meaning of this stanza, you amazed me with originality of words and with extreme way on which you combined them...

-Oh
how,
darkness never;
felt so inspiring
-Muse your not going anywhere. -

^Wow, wow, you honestly left me with this ending, such powerful repetition and and simply wow, fascinating ending stanza, my favorite one.

Overall you stunned me with this piece, I am so glad that I read it, and you actually inspired me a lot, your words truly remember me sometimes why I love writing and poetry so much, and this was that type of your breath-taking work.

Beauty Has No Eyes; It's Nothing But A Smile (10)
by Britt

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-22

Great title, very eye-catching and you made great bond between it and a poem.

-Breathe me in and exhale me out all at once
its that simple sense of satisfaction you crave
and it's sad how holding my gaze isn't enough for you
there always has to be something more, nothing less
you can speak more clearly with your eyes than your tongue
but only I'm able to tell you that through my blank stare-

^I am honestly amazed with this stanza, so remarkable opening lines, you already said so much and expressed a lot of emotions through few detail descriptions which is also truly effective. And you absolutely grabbed my attention.

-your lips paint bruises on that empty canvas of my soul
begging to whisper away those selfish tears on your skin
and the truth is I'd rather turn around than be upside down
but you insist on speaking sideways so no one can understand
maybe thats the reason we've become so locked up recently
you're falling forward in circles while I'm trying to balance-

^Amazingly written, so creative and emotional. This posses so much uniqueness which most of love poetry lacks, it isn't cliche at all, very descriptive and with last lines you described so much on impressionable way.

- last night was the impossible night i so easily fell for you
I've never fallen apart as quickly as your simple smile
and that soft purple hue you've brought into this world,
thats a new kind of beautiful, and you only shrug at creativity
it's heartbreaking that you underestimate your own qualities
but I'm here to force the quiet out, I'm here to warn you-

^Overall this stanza holds so beautiful hues, I never could write something effective about positive emotions and happiness but you did that fantastically here, with great beauty in each word.
Except I don't like first line, that is only line in whole poem that I personally didn't find impressive but I don't like two things about it:
1. i should be I
2. You used word night twice which for me broke construction of whole sentence.

-breathe me in and exhale me out all at once
its that simple sense of satisfaction you crave
your lips paint bruises on that empty canvas of my soul
begging to whisper away those selfish tears on your skin
last night was the impossible night I so easily fell for you
I've never fallen apart as quickly as your simple smile -

^Now I must say WOW! I admire incredible idea of this ending, it made whole piece so compact and it is simply flawless. Truly brilliant stanza, the repetition is outstanding, such refreshing write. You honestly stunned me with this end, and it is impressive how beautiful emotions you put in last lines.

All in all, this piece is going into my favorites, it is amazing poem and I enjoyed very much in it.

Mother Ocean (4)
by Penumbra

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-20

WOW!!! Amazingly written, you honestly left me in awe, I lost my breath while I was reading this, each line is filled with priceless beauty... I admire your specific ability to create something unique and refreshing as this, I will put this into my favorite poems, I really think that this is one of the best nature poems I ever read... Wow, I am absolutely fascinated with your wording and vivid imagery which you created in every stanza.
You have one small copy-paste error in third stanza, and overall I will gladly read more of your poetry, ending also impressed me. You somehow managed to express full energy and beauty of nature, I must thank you for sharing this poem cause it was such pleasure to read it.

Sunrise Til Sunset (11)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-17

Wow! You truly know to write different styles of poetry and here you showed your great ability to write touching love poem. I am honestly amazed with this piece, you expressed each emotion with such freedom within words. Your love poetry is one of the most original love poetry I ever read, it is so descriptive and refreshing, you really know how to express deep feelings without using some cliche. I enjoyed a lot in this one, ending line is so effective and you created intense atmosphere through whole poem. I am mesmerized with few lines, you said so much with three stanzas and your choice of words is excellent too. I can't pick one favorite stanza because I love every part of this poem equally.
Overall bravo!

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall (11)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-17

Wow! Wow, I even don't know what to say, this is endlessly powerful, and poem gets even more remarkable with each stanza. I admire uniqueness of this one and the way you wrote it is impressive.

-Bubbles of tranquil love caress the temples of passions veins,
Mystifying blood cells while relaxing upon forbidden arteries,
Particles of the nights skies mesmerize within echoing sound,
Capturing your embrace while I slumber in our secluded serenity.-

^ Fantastic start you pulled me right into this piece with captivating and complex description. I think that -Particles of the nights skies- should be -Particles of the night's skies-
Here you started to built truly impressionable atmosphere.

-Kiss my lips drenched in wine for I'm now falling even harder,
"Don't catch me" I'll whisper, for I like where I'm reaching,
I'm like a shooting star dancing, upon the image of your eyes,
This lullaby so pure shall spark these infinite burning flames.-

^I honestly thought that first stanza will be my favorite one but this part is even more fascinating, so vividly and originally written, every line is simply beautifully dark.

-"Mirror, Mirror on the wall" they'll hush to such purples cheeks,
As I'll reply with a tone which wisps Scarlett curtains away,
"He's the fairest of them all" No, it is not you, nor is it I,
For he is the King of darkness and I, I am his faithful Queen.-

^Just wow! Amazingly written, this is my favorite stanza, ending lines left me without words, you somehow embedded so deep thoughts in whole stanza, I don't understand what you try to say with whole poem, but I have my own interpretation of meaning of this poem and I must say you, once again, absolutely impressed me.

Bitter Lust Blows (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-16

Wow!!! I am impressed, I truly don't want to tell you about each stanza separately in this piece cause it all made one absolutely majestic picture in my mind.
You created effective rhythm with broken lines and expressed emotions through whole poem on so interesting and refreshing way.
I honestly enjoyed, so captivating and remarkable atmosphere. I must also say that your innovate style of writing impressed me. You started the poem with so powerful description and I also admire the way you ended it, that added even more effective tone to the core of this one. I like your metaphors and some lines posses simplicity but they are written with such power that I can't describe. Also you did great job with punctuation
for example:
-This garden's burned down.-
^This lines is so amazing.

Overall you once again honestly left me in awe, I could easily picture whole poem, you wrote it on so creative way with a lot of passion.
Bravo!

Pitter Patter (21)
by Sher

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-13

Beautiful poem, wow, you said so much with just three stanzas... I honestly think that core of this piece is priceless, title is also very captivating and your writing is creative in each line ,you kept my attention through whole poem. You expressed emotions excellently and what impressed me most of all is the fact that you managed to touch me so much with such simple but remarkable writing. Message of this piece is also great and you used so original topic.
Bravo, overall I honestly admire your ability to write something which is this moving and beautiful, excellently done.

Thousand Burned Down Yesterdays (11)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-10

Title is simply majestic, I must say that i don't think that you have that in mind but in my mind you created some picture of mental walking and along with images I could see your emotions and impressions changing.

-I've tasted poison of bitter, liquid lust,
let it consume strangling senses-
drunk avidly from it's fervent well,
walked the plank of imagined ship.-

^Brilliant start, so remarkable and vivid description, every word is on the right place, truly creative and refreshing write.

-Reaching out to touch morphing silence,
I've burned down whispering thoughts,
hoped, then died, than hoped again
before the construction's walls crumbled.-

^Third line absolutely impressed me, wow, whole stanza is incredible and I admire the way that you built it's construction, it is free but it posses touch of elegant beauty, overall truly powerful.

-Winter dreams absorb former emotions
embodying circular hesitation
within hues of melting innerness;
sanity mirror sapphire longings.-

Overall another effective stanza, it has great atmosphere, it is little more tangled and complex than first two. I think that last line has amazing substance and depth but I also think that you broke the compact rhythm of the piece in it.

-Icebound heartbeats lacerate sensations,
slaying weaved, servile simplicity.
I've tasted deceitful feelings, allowed them
to entwine with tangled memories. -

First line is priceless, you truly truly amazed me with it, still I, and this is totally personal opinion, don't like tone of ending line, I think that it would be better if you wrote -allowing them- or -and allowed them-, for the sake of flow, but other than that amazingly written.
Bravo! I enjoyed very much.

Remember The Enigma within Chimera's Eyes (15)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-10

I like the title a lot, it is truly creative and it captured my attention.

-Steel tears spilled before the devil's gates
tinge the oxygen to flatter the extravagance,
tarnishing purified iron pedestals with zephyr,
dusty, glassy wind of fallen guardians.-

^Wow, wow! I am absolutely fascinated from first word, I truly think that you created wonderful picture, so unique and simply you put so much details which impressed me a lot.

--Stanzas break, sketching fluttering words
bloody swords of umber revelations-
acrid ardency moistens arcane desires
stuttering to reveal my carnal sentiments.--

^WOW, wow, amazingly written, so beautiful and dark, last two lines, they are simply... breathtaking indeed, I love it, so descriptive and impressionable. You left a big impression with this stanza with me too, I think that whole idea for it is fantastic and every word helped you too create brilliant picture.
Still I think that you have one little error, I think that -bloody swords- are actually apposition for -words- so you should put comma on the end of first line.

-Thunderstorms lick cryptic forests
spreading tongues of toxic malediction;
I'm dreaming of nocturnal wanderers,
phantoms, warriors of suicidal charisma.-

Wow, wow, wow, I simply and honestly couldn't believe that this poem could get any better, but I think that this part impressed me even more than first two stanzas. I think that it is flawless.

-Onyx irises conceal sanguinary beauty,
enslaving the spirits within ivory cage.
Scarlet birds wear hues of anathema
gathering to worship horned deities.-

Truly interesting and endlessly powerful... I like the effect you created with word-anathema- simple but so strong, you truly captivated me even more with this lines and this piece didn't lost any of it's unbelievably great atmosphere. Every word is picked on extremely wonderful way.

-Steel tears spilled before the devil's gates
tinge the oxygen to flatter the extravagance,
tarnishing purified iron pedestals with zephyr,
dusty, glassy wind of fallen guardians.-

I hoped and still didn't expected that you really make a repetition on the ending but you did absolutely great thing with that.

Now overall this masterpiece can be compared with minimal number of poems, your words, wow, I even don't know what to say, you truly truly kept whole my attention and this goes into my favorites, genius poem.

Metaphor Your Heart In A Poets Pain (2)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-06

Wow! Wow, you wrote this so fantastically, simply wonderful piece. I just want to say that your unique ideas impress me and I honestly think that you truly write one of the most brilliant poetry which I ever had pleasure to read.
This poem is so creative and it has refreshing atmosphere, you captured me with each line, I am deeply thankful for sharing this cause it was absolutely enjoyable read.
What you can do with three stanzas... that is mind-blowing!

A Broken Perfection (10)
by Lonely Romeo

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-04

First of all I want to say that everything in this comment is just my personal, absolutely honest opinion.

A Broken Perfection

Very interesting title, it is eye catching but I like the way you connected entire piece deeply with it's title and you never mentioned that words inside of poem.

-The sun hath set
upon the nigh'
the shades drawn down
the darkness cries-

^Very captivating start, you opened this poem remarkably and originally with a lot of directness which is in my opinion great cause you captured my attention quickly.
Now, I don't like construction between third and fourth line, I like what you said but I think that you should bound them somehow. One more thing left negative impression on me, the fact that third and fourth line start with -the-
Also you need to make some pause between second and third line, you need some punctuation sign there like comma or ; cause you started to talk about different topic.
I suggest you to use word -while- instead of -the darkness cries-
-while darkness cries- sound better to me and it supervene on third line.

-My lips reach quick
launch forth for more
the bottle raised,
the taste adored-

^ You need comma on the end of first line and on the end of second one, cause the second line is inset between third and first one.
Maybe it would sound more effective on this way:

My lips reach quick
--launch forth for more--
the bottle raised,
the taste adored

I like rhythm that you created, it is very captivating. I don't know do you do that for purpose, and if you like to write that way than you should, but for me, I don't like the fact that all lines are equal size, but if you didn't forced that than is great.
One more thing, again, last two lines start with -the- and I dislike repeating words when that isn't necessary for the poem, so you could maybe start last line with -and-.

-Images leave,
abandoned hope
releasing grasp;
burns from the rope.-

^This is truly powerful stanza, it was maybe my favorite one, I like their substance and you created original, refreshing atmosphere in them, imagery is also vivid. I like your metaphor with -burning rope- cause you said that on very creative way.
Other than that, I really don't understand your using of punctuation here:
I am not sure what makes one ensemble if you wanted to say that -images leave abandoned hope- and releasing grasp burns from the rope-
than that should look like this:
-Images leave
abandoned hope;
releasing grasp
burns from the rope.-

but if you wanted to say that-abandoned hope releasing grasp and burns from the rope- than it would be like this:
-Images leave;
abandoned hope
releasing grasp and
burns from the rope-

but if you wanted to say that -images leave and abandoned hope firstly releasing grasp and than separately burns from the rope- than your punctuation is correct except I would personally in this case use full stop on the end of first line cause that is more effective pause from comma.

-My lips reach quick
launch forth for more
the bottle raised,
thoughts abhorred-

^Excellent stanza, I like your repetition of first two lines cause you added great tone to the whole piece and made it truly compact with that lines cause stanza between now looks like your impressions between drams.

-The noose now hung
without a care,
solitude stings
the bottle there.-

^First three lines are amazing, I truly like the way your descriptions trough each line but I think that you should replace word-bottle- in last line, cause you already used it and you truly can find better word. Clearly whole piece is about alcohol, at least I think that is, so you could simply use something like:
...
-solitude stings
the alcohol there.


-My lips reach quick
launch forth for more
the bottle raised
the pain ignored-

^I think that your repetition of this lines made the flow of this poem truly fantastic, I like it, totally, I can see it's function and you tied together every stanza with this one.

I also think that you should end the poem with this stanza, first three lines repeat and fourth changes with time which means that alcohol, if you really talk about it, affects on you like this:
- the taste adored -
- thoughts abhorred -
- the pain ignored -
So I think that it would be so powerful if you end whole piece with saying trough last line what all that caused, something like your final impression.

-My body limp
amongst the air,
a broken mirror
in which I stare.-

^This is fantastic stanza, I really like it's imagery and it is very refreshing just, cause of rhymes you here damaged the substance. You rhymed -stare- with -air- but you just wrote -a broken mirror in which is stare- you didn't said what with that mirror, it's like you swallowed meaning of that lines and that is for me forced rhyming which I personally hate. Also word -broken- is unnecessary cause you have verb -broke- in next stanza and you should put here something like -shattered- or -smashed-

-A perfect piece
broke into two,
the bottle dry,
Now bids adieu.-

You started this on amazing way, you totally impressed me with impressionable tone of first two lines, you said it with such simplicity but also great inner power, truly great using of word-broke-
Rest of stanza is also truly excellent, in fact maybe you should really keep your ending cause it is totally unique and effectively said.

Overall I enjoyed a lot, it is unusual and interesting poem, it was big pleasure to read this. I think that you on few places need some punctuation improvements and to change few words but all in all greatly written. Very powerful piece! Bravo.

Love Cannot Live in my Damaged Heart (23)
by Cayce

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-04

First of all I was insecure about title, it is interesting title but I never read any your poem before so I had animus that this will be some cliche sad/love piece, but you made great connection between title and poem and you mentioned title in last line which was all in all totally effective.

-Only the screen could tell this splintered tale,
Of passion sprinkled with lust, intoxicating -
Daze blurred my thoughts of alcoholic lips
Love, warmth, security, needing, advocating.-

^First line captured my attention, very original and refreshing opening stanza. I honestly think that you created so original rhythm with so little words and you expressed a lot of emotions in one single stanza which is also impressive. First three lines made amazing picture in my mind, fourth little in my head ruined that cause, in my opinion, you could express all that feelings with metaphors instead of list your emotions, I truly can't see how fourth line bonds with rest of stanza.

-Rivers of sparkling water charge down ivory,
Drowning in my own sea of scornful shame.
Clawing at the eyes that saw too much -
Ridicule, hidden errors. I'm the one to blame.-

^This is absolutely excellently written, filled with amount of emotions which you described on creative and remarkable way. I like each line, truly impressionable. I think that your writing here posses pure power.

-Choking on the guilt, shoved down my throat.
Twisted, regretful heart almost splitting apart.
Praying for stitches and tape, understanding.
Aware love cannot live in my damaged heart.-

^Ending is great! Every description helped you to form this captivating picture. I think that you wanted to express many things within this poem and it looks like it is written straight from the heart, I think that it could be even longer cause you kept my attention with each line and I enjoyed a lot.
Overall bravo, I admire your style of writing, it is very detail and unique.

When Words Kill (15)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-04

I like the title of the poem, and you constructed great connection between it and piece and you didn't even mentioned it, which is excellent.

-Whispered sweetness decipher deceptions
within a dream, pallid, in soft, scarlet tones-
lullabies lacerate destined sensations
outlined with zest of vivid, dancing shadows.-

^First line truly captured me, overwhelming refreshing energy of this stanza impressed me. I like each remarkable description, there are so vivid and complex, I also admire your choice of words, still, I personally don't like the fact that I don't see bond between first and second two lines, I don't mind that you have two amazing descriptions, I just think that you should write them in separate stanzas.

-These notes are smeared with lilac's scent
unraveled between eager fingertips,
embedded into emerald, molten pupils
of the wordy demigods, coral demonic angels.-

^Amazing stanza, truly amazing, I had to reread it cause I didn't recognize apposition and than whole stanza didn't make much sense, but when I read it carefully I was truly amazed with depth and beauty of your expression.

-Letters weave intricate, engulfing creations
tailoring moons hanged over dirty windows,
mutilating mirrored silence with hands of steel
designed to merge with cryptic metaphors.-

^I like the ending, it is actually fascinating that you are able to write something effective, creative and complicate as this from your mind. You created truly powerful poem and I enjoyed in it.

-

Seduction of the Midnight Opera (9)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-03

First of all I think that you did fantastic job with this piece and title matches text of the poem perfectly and you didn't mentioned at all in piece which is excellent.

-Nocturnal whispers reveal secrets
plunged in liquor of moonlit alchemy;
startling sensations lacerate sighs
of branches colored like diamond dew.-

^First line is simply superb. I absolutely love start of this poem and first two lines truly took my breath away. Great way to start this piece, very remarkable and captivating choice of words and you already built the foundation for rhythm of this one. I also enjoyed in description which you painted in rest of this stanza, but I just personally, can't see connection between first and second two lines.

-Angels sneak through icebound towers,
succumbing to artificial obscurity
sprinkled over forlorn, ragged senses
reborn within blossoming thunderstorms.-

^Wow! Impressionable lines, first line truly captured every piece of my attention and you embed whole picture in my mind. Totally unique choice of expressions and this refreshing images impressed me a lot.

-Legacy of enchantment embed into sights
smeared across the rubies of ardent pupils,
metaphorically bloodthirsty, craving
for hesitating hands to heal the thoughts.-

^Powerful! Every line is pure brilliance, I had to reread this stanza cause it is absolutely breath-taking and every line impressed me so much that I just had to read it again. Wow!


-Sinful ebony caresses intricate fantasies
framing fragrance of glassy flowers,
tempting ghoulish pleasures within
created to crawl through wax fields.-

^I think that you used simply perfect adjectives here, everything fits and whole stanza is, I don't know, simply something with such deep beauty and authentic thoughts.


-Frigidity entwines with arcane desires
crucified inside of silent crusades;
plunged in liquor of moonlit alchemy
nocturnal whispers reveal secrets. -

I admire this stanza too, I think that you ended this poem on extremely fascinating way, cause whole piece is simply secrets between nocturnal whispers(at least I think that) and you showed that greatly.
Overall you amazed me! I honestly admire your style of writing and I would gladly read this few more times, and I will, stunning piece!

Red Seconds Dripping (I've Lost Control) (10)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-03

Title is... spectacular!

-Reproduced by something spectacular,
words metamorphose into horned beasts
driveling yellow mucus, devouring corpses
of bleeding poetry tied to a bonfire.-

^First line is amazing! So quick and direct start of this piece, you grabbed my complete attention. Second and third line are also so effective, they have sick imagery but so vivid and remarkable and (I like the word mucus) last line of this stanza is majestic! That last line stunned me, you could write just this one stanza and I would still be impressed by this piece, it is incredible!

-Nocturnal killer has a face shaded with yearnings,
black wings sewed to match moistened streets,
his daggers pierce surface of my flourish dreams,
tangling wars across once perfect cerulean dome.-

^Great, great part, very interesting and it is very clear and unique image.

-Sighs overwhelm dirty mind,
oh, the sighs
overwhelm
my dreaming mind.-

^Powerful! Truly remarkable stanza, you added very compact tone to the rhythm and atmosphere is here also fascinating, that is kind of atmosphere which capture you in the core of the piece and leave you in total awe.


-Electrocuted butterflies reborn as tinsels
performing to entertain laced damsels,
elegant girls with black, porcelain faces
that ride their porcelain horses on carousel.-

^This was maybe my favorite stanza! Simply WOW! Each word amazed me, wow, this posses indescribable beauty.

-I had some ancient feelings within chest
before I kissed wooden door of decaying kingdoms;
Oh, and demonic ballerina and her marionette are awake-
reproduced by something spectacular. -

^I really can't decide is this even more fantastic from fourth stanza. First two lines are for my taste perfect, breathtakingly written with such passion and wild power of words. So creative ending, and third line, wow...

Bravo! Overall another brilliant job.

Tinted Wings (7)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-01

Wow! Mel, this is extraordinary piece, it is priceless, you truly impressed me with nearly each line.
I must say that I usually dislike rhymes cause when they are forced they just ruin whole flow but your rhyming here is absolutely wonderful, you have very unique rhyming and that helped you to create interesting and captivating rhythm.
I was captured by your words from first line, every stanza posses same incredible quality, and they make very compact and vivid picture.
You truly have amazing descriptions!

-Whilst thorn jealousy has become so obtained,
Your a moth burning within the scentless flame,-

^I just think that here should be you're and not your

Great choice of words, very unusual and creative subject. I enjoyed a lot! Ending is also excellent and very effective.
Your writing is remarkable and you again left me in awe.

Daggers Speak Louder Then Words (2)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-28

I really don't prefer your sarcastic style so this one didn't impressed much as your others, it still absolutely deserves top grades but I personally don't like tone of whole piece. Overall I appreciate originality of this poem, your words are always refreshing and enjoyable to read.

-Puncture intoxicating "pricks" of a rose thorns internal organs,
Oh I do believe that was a metaphor soaked in bitter sarcasm,
You say "Daggers speak louder then words" Oh what a cliche.
Did you honestly think I'd be fooled by the rubbish you now talk,
Shh, or I'll slit that hissing tongue for speaking your snake lies,
You know I'm an arsenic writer, A dagger just couldn't beat this-

^Start of the poem is captivating and you kept my attention absolutely with whole poem. But except first three lines I somehow don't like this stanza too much.

-I'll paint our world in charcoal as it has become quite a fascination,
Though I must spray it with a fixative or surely it shall blow away.
An artificial glue to keep, Our "London bridge" from falling down.
Oh look it's highly flammable, Lets see how good of an arsenic I'll be,
Playing with burning fire has always been an interesting game to you.
Baby lets switch roles as I become the ice and you the loving flame.-

I already said you, something makes me to dislike rhythm and tone of every sarcastic piece that I ever read, I guess that I don't like sarcasm in poetry.

Overall you wrote amazing piece for breaking a writer's block, keep writing!

Eat Your Heart Out (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-28

-Lucidly mystical, exotic ecstasy twists
spreading velvet tinsels with every breath
pulling me near the whirlpools of ashy gray
- eyes emit perfection of glassy thunders.-

^You have absolutely amazing descriptions here, every line is so refreshing, truly mystical, and last line of this stanza totally impressed me! Greatly written, very creative and vivid write.

-Frantic smile holds emblems of illusions
caressing rollercoaster's serpentine lines-
This night wakes sanguinary tendencies
embracing me with eroding, drunken tentacles.-

^This was maybe my favorite stanza in whole piece, every word of every line is brilliant! I can nor describe you how much I enjoyed in it, simply wow! Bravo, it is just perfectly said, your choice of words is also mind-blowing, you created haunting rhythm. Truly mesmerizing stanza!


-Visions shatter spotlight desires, flashing
as I lick teardrops of toxic champagne
from your naked soul, exposing taboos.
Seven-inch nails brake, bleeding across the floor.-

^This is something really unique and truly special, the is no poet who would wrote this like you, you have your own, authentic talent for writing breathtaking things, this stanza is perfect example. Wow! I can't see every part of meaning but combinations of words are fascinating.

-Diamond pupils absorb cigarette smoke
chaining pearly wings to sweet subversion.
Silhouettes pull silky strings of submission
sealing these lips with ardent screams. -

Simply outstanding! First two lines didn't impressed me much as the rest of the poem but second two are astonishing.

-Tangled thoughts wound breakable visions
releasing overwhelming zest of sighs;
Pulsating havoc suppress morality, as I
eat your heart out, swallowing sensations. -

Very good ending, you put the title into the poem on a excellent way, and ending line is powerful! First two lines are also very good, usually I hate when someone use same words more than once, but you did fantastic job with using -visions- again cause you added very compact tone.

Overall picture of entire piece is amazing! Maybe some people would say that it is confusing but when you read it with full attention, it is abstract, but it absolutely makes sense to me and I saw very grotesque, beautiful, passionate picture, and every stanza speaks about same topic, every vision follows previous one.

I absolutely enjoyed, so thanks for sharing, brilliant piece.

Sour howl (7)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-27

---These tears just don't taste right.
a closet of blue-chromed clothes hangers,
unable to decide which one to hang this frail head on.---

WOW! This opening lines already left me in awe, you amazed we with the fact that you truly and already expressed so much, so this is one outstanding start.
Whole first stanza is superb! Wow, wow, wow, it is simply and absolutely fascinating, I so enjoyed in it, every line is filled with some sorrow and such vividness.

-and tonight, these tears just don't taste the same.-

^I think that this line between contains
mind-blowing power, it is so calm and so deep, and it truly touched me, you said that with such simplicity but it sounds divine, still, simply perfect choice of words and you added a great tone to the rhythm.

-couldn't draw the curtains quickly enough,
the light ate holes through the cloth.
dashing frantically towards the corner,
to find solace in the shadows.
just to be safe for the moment-
to escape and hide for now-
with no motivation left to fight-
can't stand upright without a spine--

Start of this stanza did not impressed me much as the rest of the poem(it is excellent but in my head you changed atmosphere little and I didn't like that cause I was still captivated with picture of first stanza) but it's ending took my breath away. Wow! You wrote that incredible last line, which is totally effective, so easily.

-and today, the tears just didn't taste quite right -

And this ending... Wow! truly fantastic, I can not describe you how much I admire your ability to write something with this sorrowful tone, and it is very easy to see that this piece came straight from your heart and soul.

Amazing one!

You Love Me [Not] (20)
by EvanescentMoon

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-26

Amazingly done! Bravo! You honestly impressed me with this one, I admire it's uniqueness and the fact that you are able to describe so many emotions inside one poem is absolutely impressionable. My personal opinion is that some brackets are needless but some of them added a effective tone to the whole atmosphere. I enjoyed very much in this piece, and I can say that you wrote it straight from the heart(it's not hollow at all.) Your choice and combinations of words are also creative. Opening stanza is very captivating and whole poem contains, totally compact rhythm and vivid images. I don't have any negative critique , you did fantastic job.

Lingering in Silence (24)
by Krathia

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-26

--I still hear
in the mists of slumber
whispered lullabies
from a childhood
I no longer remember--

^Very remarkable opening stanza, you already painted a totally vivid picture inside my mind and truly kept my attention with every line, captivating and absolutely unique start. Greatly written.

--I still taste
the saccharine melodies
that played so sweetly
in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came --

This stanza is filled with amount of creatively expressed, strong emotion, you continued this poem in same compact style. Bravo, bravo!

--I still recall
the lyrics to our songs
and even now, I wonder
why you didn't take your guitar
with you when you left--

^Last two lines are so deep and you written entire stanza wonderfully, very impressionable descriptions and you described your thoughts on a fantastic way.

--I still feel
these memories plucking at
my heartstrings and I
still hear the notes
lingering in silence --

Powerful ending, wow! You added a very impressive tone to the rhythm of whole piece, and I honestly can say that this poem impressed me. I like whole metaphor and overall I must say that I enjoyed so much, so thanks for sharing, this is excellently written. I think that it would be even more effective if you started this poem with line--lingering in silence -- and ended it on a same way, cause that would even more better describe overwhelming and never-ending cycles of strong emotions in which you are captured(I think the point is that you can't forget that -song-), but that is just my personal opinion.

Well done! Great job!

Tasting Rainy Whispers (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-14

First of all, I must say that I admire freedom of your words and originality which every stanza posses. On the end of this piece I was absolutely stunned, you amazed me with dark captivating atmosphere which you created.

-I want you to tap-dance across my wounds
while the rain slowly pours down the window pane,
spilling lonesome illusions over carved streets.
Trust heals crimson devastation, lizard's tongue unravels-
there's some stellar sound, a fairytale story outside.-

^Wow, that is truly fascinating opening stanza, every line is so compact and it is cleverly written. I honestly have so vivid picture in my mind and your words made it. Tone of this stanza impressed me the most, it is somehow calm and it absorbed my attention.

-Come closer, I want to gaze within your mind.-

^Very, very effective line, it contains so much depth in it and again it is very simply said. Wow, wow, structure of this line really gave a power to amazingly picked words that you used.


-I'm simply senseless due to extreme senselessness
to the point where senselessness doesn't make
any sense anymore; senseless numbers swallow sense.-

^My favorite stanza, chaos inside of it is pure brilliance and the way you wrote it is just simply mind-blowing.

-Push me towards the ground and hold me near-
even the frigidity rhymes over outlined digits;
Fallacies follow my zealot sanctuary
and the sky... oh, the sky is scarlet again-

^Very refreshing and interesting imagery, the (...) in last line slowed down the rhythm excellently, and that pause was very intense. I like whole part, it is incredible.

-I lovethewayyouplay- senselessness speaks silently.-

^I personally don't see the point of -lovethewayyouplay- written as a one word, and that didn't left to big impression on me, it is interesting but this isn't my favorite line cause that -lovethewayyouplay- somehow threw me off.

-Plunge the fingers in my somberness
cause I love to taste tint of darkness
sketched across your cyan aura.-

^ You described here some elegant, darkened tone. I don't know what to say, this stanza posses equal breath-taking beauty like the rest of the poem.

-Under the moon, rain whispers secrets. -

^ To be honest I expected more powerful ending cause this line was too calm for my taste . Interesting but not one of your best endings cause you usually leave me speechless with your endings.

Overall I enjoyed so much and I am truly tankful to you for sharing this piece, it is so beautiful and it really stunned me. Keep up with your amazing, amazing ideas.

Even If You Don't, Pretend To Love Me For A Second (9)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-13

Mel, this poem is absolutely beautiful! Wow... You left me speechless with unique structure of your thoughts and atmosphere that you created posses paralyzing touch which left me stunned and breathless!
I must thank you thousand times for sharing this masterpiece cause I enjoyed in it so much. Totally creative work filled with remarkable, vivid images.

-Pages of insecurities watercolor roads of chalked hearts,
Distancing our love between broken color of determination,
Embroidered firefly's prance become lost within painted hour,
Though if you dare to stumble rain drops are all you shall see.-

^ This opening stanza is simply captivating, very cleverly written. I can't say that I understand complete meaning of your words but complexness of this lines added them even more beauty.


-Grasp my hands in manipulation for daggers reach star hearts,
Dreams of silhouettes shall now entwine with a rose of thorns,
Pebbles portrayed an outcome as wax gently leaves the flame,
Flower beds hold no beauty for porcelain lies aggravate my sleep.-

^Wow, you made so mind-blowing picture in this part of the poem. Your choice of words is very refreshing and it creates so interesting rhythm. Combination -rose of thorns- especially fascinated me! You amazed me with your expressions.

-Moonlight across floor boards taunts me with its angelic glow,
Whispering your words into the winds of a higher known calling,
A scent of wicked perfume travels carelessly through light breeze,
Tempting me with deceit as you play these games of pretend. -

^You made this words so alive and ending posses so much power. Whole poem has
impressionable tone which reached it's maximum here. Simply beautiful and absorbing(absorbing cause it absolutely absorbed my attention) stanza.

Overall I deeply, deeply, deeply, love your poetry and admire your priceless talent!

Alone With My Shadow (24)
by Andrea Sunny

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-03-01

Wow, wow...
This is absolutely beautiful with atmosphere of mixed sorrow and beauty. I am totally impressed, you simply know how to create so touching tone in your pieces and this one also posses that. I like repetition of the word-alone- it made powerful rhythm and ending is flawless.
Bravo! You should be proud on your self. First line grabbed my attention and whole poem is so interesting, truly captivating piece. You expressed your emotions on so overwhelming way, wow!

That's What You Get (2)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-28

Wow, effective ending!
I truly enjoyed in every line, you created so captivating rhythm in entire piece and few lines are totally amazing!
Bravo, excellent piece, it has good original wording and truly vivid imagery. You also expressed emotions greatly.

Forget About Religion... Amen (3)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-25

First of all I didn't have this in my mind with this title, I think, I expected a poem in which religion is
introduced on a negative way but I also thought that this piece will contain more irony, but that was just my interpretation of the title.

Anyway I agree with the message and I truly admire your ability to write a provoking poem like this one. Very intense write. Ending is simply brilliant and tone of whole piece made me laugh cause it is truly remarkable.
I enjoyed in this, first two lines grabbed my attention and this is very interesting poem. Second stanza continued with truly effective rhythm. Third stanza wasn't great as the rest of the poem, in my opinion, but that depends of reader's personal taste.
All in all well done!

Suffocated Spirit (9)
by Sher

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-25

First of all great title, it is grabbed my attention.

You expressed emotions on a fantastic way in whole first stanza, bravo, I enjoyed in it very much, you pulled me right in this piece. Very elegantly written, with the touch of sadness.

I don't like second line of second stanza cause, this is just my opinion, somehow it threw me off the rhythm of entire piece, but anyway every description is vivid.

Third stanza wasn't my favorite, it didn't impressed me too much cause I think that it would be more effective with stronger wording.

And last stanza is truly amazing, every line is filled with such power, superbly done!

Eyes of Molten Beauty (1)
by Beautiful Chaos

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-24

-Her gaze could light a fire,
Though rain falls from the sky,
Mesmerizing from first glance,
Such comfort as you die.-
^This was a nice start, first line didn't catch my attention too much but in the second and third line you started to build a truly interesting and intense rhythm but somehow (this is just my opinion) fourth line totally threw me off. It doesn't feet with the rest of that stanza.

I think that this poem would be even much better without rhymes cause your rhyming seems forced and it ruined the flow for me but I don't want to offend you, I actually and honestly enjoyed in this poem.
You have good choice of words and you mixed vivid imagery with excellently expressed emotions and I truly like that.

Infernal Sacrilege (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-24

Wow! I am speechless... Wow, there are excellent poems that make you to truly enjoy in them and there are poems like this one, poems that posses ability to blow reader's mind and leave them stunned in awe.
This piece has amount of extraordinary darkness between each word, simply impressing!

-Lust colors nights plunged in blackened blood
as misanthropy sketches wandering carnival,
soaking paintbrushes with passionate imagination-
devil's marks drew open wounds over daydreams.-
First line honestly pulled me right into this(but I had to think a little before I realized that -colors- is a verb, haha) anyway this stanza contains a complex descriptions and second line still echoes in my mind cause I truly can't forget it's brilliance.
You painted so vivid picture with so little words and every expression is flawless.

Rhythm of second stanza has so much power and it is totally impressionable... Whole thing with whispers made amazing, truly amazing tone which took my breath.

I like the atmosphere in third stanza, it is overwhelming and truly authentic. Whole poem posses some dark passion which, in my opinion, reached it's maximum in that four lines.

Last stanza left me with jealous thoughts, on a great way, I honestly think that every line is so brilliant and I enjoyed so much in every word.
-Shadows dance swirling and spinning, mutating
into heart- eating beasts crowned with liquid anticipation
inside of this kingdom locked for mortal strokes,
sealed with bloody kisses and crimson sacraments. -
Wow, just wow, every combination of words is so amazing. First line has so intense rhythm and vivid description, second and third line are simply flawlessly beautiful and ending line is also very effective.

I must put this in to my favorites, wow, wow...

Stoke The Fire, Douse The Flame [Collab With Jenni] (6)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-05

O.k, so this is truly sarcastic, to be honest this isn't my favorite poem of yours but that is just my opinion.
Both of you are great writers but I personally don't like some parts of the poem, your writing styles match in this piece amazingly but I still somehow don't like a few stanzas.
Before I start with each stanza I want to say that when I don't like some line that doesn't means that that line isn't written greatly, that is just my personal opinion and taste.
-If you say my eyes are beautiful, I may have to rip you to shreds,
A mis-fortunate gesture of kindness caught up in a whirlpool of lies.
Distinguish the fire in your pants, my stomach may just turn to acid,
Polluting thoughts in honey I'm a bee prepared to sting at your pupils.-
^This lines are fascinating, incredible opening stanza, it pulled me right in to this piece and every word is chosen on a fantastic way. Very creative too, I admire this beginning.

-Yet you're blissfully unaware of the utter contempt I feel,
Every single time you place those disgusting puppy dog eyes on me,
Still content on living in your ridiculous whimsical fairyland,
Where every thing's made with a dash of sunshine and the grass is always green. -
I don't like this stanza, sarcasm seems somehow forced to me here and I think that some combinations of words could be more effective.

-I'd prefer to be lit on fire then feel these fake flames burning within
"You're a disease" I whisper. While you burn my insides to dust,
My stomach is sick with your thought as embers crisp within my mouth,
Torch me again darling, just for your thrills of, what? "lustful" events -
I don't like this stanza too, I don't know how to explain that I don't like concept of whole part.

-
Funny how we used to be so close; thinking we were perfect together,
Only for our relationship to go crash bang and burn in such a short time,
Whispering those words again though you don't have a clue what they mean,
but no; I wont fall for them this time; I'm not as stupid as you look. -
Another stanza that I dislike, it again seems forced to me, last line is brilliant though, it is so ironic and it made me smile.

-How much more did you think I'd take? Before the buildings fell to the ground,
Oh and by buildings, I'm actually only talking about things which keep me alive,
A drip of gasoline to my heart strings for you to play them like a harmony,
Though do listen carefully as you will see it's you who drowns in song-
This stanza impressed me, it is so remarkable and it posses a mind-blowing tone, superbly done, it is so unique and truly beautiful.

-Can you hear the sorrowful notes playing; they're slowly getting louder,
Come a little closer this way darling; it's not like you to be so shy,
Let me stand and watch; silently reveling in your defeat, tick tock;
Did you notice the melody's almost at an end? -
I don't like first two lines too much but I admire last two, this is interesting and very captivating.

-I'll only repeat myself once more so hunnie get it through your head,
"Distinguish the fire in your pants, Your a disease which makes me ill"
You know that loving flame which you lit, ment to burnt within my soul?
Well guess what sweetie! I'm now drenching it with rain. -
I don't like this stanza too much, it posses atmosphere in which I didn't enjoy too much.

-
What an idiot you were to think I'd continue standing for your lies,
Didn't you hear the proverb a person will only take so much,
Let this torrential rain splatter and cleanse me thoroughly,
Look baby; the fire's been consumed; it's finally distinguished.-
I like some things about the ending but I don't like first line of this stanza, ending line is great, very nice.


All in all I appreciate originality of this poem, it is good just not one of my favorite ones.
This sarcastic style is not my favorite thing.

Stoke The Fire, Douse The Flame [Collab With Mel] (7)
by xLilMissFrostyx

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-05

O.k, so this is truly sarcastic, to be honest this isn't my favorite poem of yours but that is just my opinion.
Both of you are great writers but I personally don't like some parts of the poem, your writing styles match in this piece amazingly but I still somehow don't like a few stanzas.
Before I start with each stanza I want to say that when I don't like some line that doesn't means that that line isn't written greatly, that is just my personal opinion and taste.
-If you say my eyes are beautiful, I may have to rip you to shreds,
A mis-fortunate gesture of kindness caught up in a whirlpool of lies.
Distinguish the fire in your pants, my stomach may just turn to acid,
Polluting thoughts in honey I'm a bee prepared to sting at your pupils.-
^This lines are fascinating, incredible opening stanza, it pulled me right in to this piece and every word is chosen on a fantastic way. Very creative too, I admire this beginning.

-Yet you're blissfully unaware of the utter contempt I feel,
Every single time you place those disgusting puppy dog eyes on me,
Still content on living in your ridiculous whimsical fairyland,
Where every thing's made with a dash of sunshine and the grass is always green. -
I don't like this stanza, sarcasm seems somehow forced to me here and I think that some combinations of words could be more effective.

-I'd prefer to be lit on fire then feel these fake flames burning within
"You're a disease" I whisper. While you burn my insides to dust,
My stomach is sick with your thought as embers crisp within my mouth,
Torch me again darling, just for your thrills of, what? "lustful" events -
I don't like this stanza too, I don't know how to explain that I don't like concept of whole part.

-
Funny how we used to be so close; thinking we were perfect together,
Only for our relationship to go crash bang and burn in such a short time,
Whispering those words again though you don't have a clue what they mean,
but no; I wont fall for them this time; I'm not as stupid as you look. -
Another stanza that I dislike, it again seems forced to me, last line is brilliant though, it is so ironic and it made me smile.

-How much more did you think I'd take? Before the buildings fell to the ground,
Oh and by buildings, I'm actually only talking about things which keep me alive,
A drip of gasoline to my heart strings for you to play them like a harmony,
Though do listen carefully as you will see it's you who drowns in song-
This stanza impressed me, it is so remarkable and it posses a mind-blowing tone, superbly done, it is so unique and truly beautiful.

-Can you hear the sorrowful notes playing; they're slowly getting louder,
Come a little closer this way darling; it's not like you to be so shy,
Let me stand and watch; silently reveling in your defeat, tick tock;
Did you notice the melody's almost at an end? -
I don't like first two lines too much but I admire last two, this is interesting and very captivating.

-I'll only repeat myself once more so hunnie get it through your head,
"Distinguish the fire in your pants, Your a disease which makes me ill"
You know that loving flame which you lit, ment to burnt within my soul?
Well guess what sweetie! I'm now drenching it with rain. -
I don't like this stanza too much, it posses atmosphere in which I didn't enjoy too much.

-
What an idiot you were to think I'd continue standing for your lies,
Didn't you hear the proverb a person will only take so much,
Let this torrential rain splatter and cleanse me thoroughly,
Look baby; the fire's been consumed; it's finally distinguished.-
I like some things about the ending but I don't like first line of this stanza, ending line is great, very nice.


All in all I appreciate originality of this poem, it is good just not one of my favorite ones.
This sarcastic style is not my favorite thing.

They Have No Reflection (6)
by PygmyPuff

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-02-03

WOW! Wow, this is, you literally left me speechless , bravo, this poem posses pure brilliance!
It is really beautiful and so sad in same time, well done, I really can't describe how much you impressed me.
The ending stanza is my favorite one, the ending is so effective and simply fascinating.
Whole piece is very deep and tone that you created in every line is touching.
You should be proud on your self.

Creativity leads to catastrophe. (1)
by martynrose

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-30

Wow... You left me speechless!

-Take this paintbrush, paint serpentine swirls of tragic monody.
Skipping stones of the imagination in our oddity.
Belated smiles twitched savagely with twisted impatience,
to commence the dreaded perfidy in stilted remissions.-
This opening stanza pulled me right in to this magnificent piece, it posses so captivating rhythm and you wrote it with such passion. Beautiful lines, you created breath-taking atmosphere in them with powerful wording and great pain. Well done!

- The art of the breath in your mind driven to create,
this painting of mutilated fear which we illuminate.
Words that we blatantly waste upon each other's ego,
spelt the tone of defeat without a reason to follow.-
Again your vocab is simply flawless and you expressed emotions in this part of the poem on fascinating way!

-
A mind of a thausand souls trapped in a delirium,
writhing and begging to be released from a static odium.
Unlock this eyes that seeks refuge in cowardice,
to amend the wisdom of sanity in solitary lies.-
This stanza is also brilliant, it totally impressed me! You made mind-blowing tone with your creative writing and rhyming is so refreshing and unique like in the rest of this piece. I am not sure but maybe -thausand- should be -thousand-

-Indulge in this self-induced moment of abberation,
stealing frozen glimpse of winter-stained demolition.
Wander and deplore into self-contained injury,
these fantasy whined for their presence to be an enemy.-
I don't know a meaning of one word in this stanza but anyway amazing lines, your talent always put me in awe and you really showed it here.

-A pen that writes of a world seen by abstract eyes,
replaced by a mind that follows in the breath of colored lies.
Minority thoughts estranged from a change of memory,
so nothing can amend this when creativity leads to catastrophe. -
So intense ending, well done, it is effective and whole stanza is incredible. It has endlessly remarkable atmosphere.

All in all this is one of my favorite poems of yours and I enjoyed so much in this piece, so thank you for sharing this fantastic work. You blow my mind-in absolutely positive sense.
Keep writing your outstanding poetry!

Seasons (6)
by Patience

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-30

Beautiful poem, every description is so vivid and I honestly say that I am fascinated with this brilliant imagery.
I like the free rhythm of this piece, lines are somehow broken(which left me speechless, cause it is so effective) and they made a very captivating, powerful atmosphere.
Well done, I admire this poem, fantastic work!

Betrayal (3)
by Rex Hunter

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-24

-Spanish City beautiful and quiet,
a little girl played in the green grass
I was lost in the beauty of the sunset
free of all the sorrow that once was-
Great stanza, very vivid and imaginative, also you expressed a lot emotions in just fourth lines, I like the beginning of this excellently written poem cause it is very captivating and it pulled me right in to the piece, and atmosphere that you created here kept my attention.

-I ran away from all my sorrow
I stepped on the gas pedal of my car
didn't look back at the dying town
at the betrayal that left only a scar-
I like rhyme here, very original and interesting. The only thing I don't like in this stanza is that you used word -sorrow- again, that left truly bad impression on me, I think that you should put some synonym there cause you had same word in last line of first stanza and with it's repetition you made a whole stanza less remarkable and unique. Other than that this stanza is totally brilliant, it posses fascinating poetic beauty! Bravo.

-You betrayed me, left me for death
down on the ground, eyes full of dust
With a scar in the back of my head
and in my mouth the taste of rust-
Now again, that is just my opinion but I don't like at all when someone use same words more times in their poems, and now you had -scar- again. All in all very compact stanza with good choice of words(except scar) and very good rhyming.

-
I ran away from all my sorrow
I stepped on the gas pedal of my car
came to this new town of promises
thought about the betrayal I left so far-
Repetition of first two lines is amazing and you created so effective rhythm with it, I admire your writing in this part of the poem.

-Spanish City, burning to the ground
the girl does not longer play, once again I run
she sits next to me as I step on the gas pedal
Again I flee from the betrayal in the dying sun-
First line is mind-blowing! And whole stanza took my breath-away! Wow, still I have one suggestion. Maybe you should put some other word for adjective for sun in last line, cause you already had a word dying, but if you did this with purpose than leave it like this. Anyway incredible ending!

All in all I am in awe with this poem, this is just my personal opinion and I don't want to offend you, I just think that this outstanding poem would sound even better if you change a few words which you are necessarily used two times.
But overall you should be proud on your self for writing something like this, it is fantastic.

Drowning Eyes (6)
by Andrea Sunny

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-24

-
Walking the plank
standing alone, smiling
fresh roses mesh with timber
fire ignites a helpless tear-
^Amazing word choice, so descriptive stanza with emotions that you expressed on fantastic way. You created truly unique tone in this lines, very effective.

-cold water awaits these lungs
eager to filter black walls
coating fear with destiny
sinking to the bottom-
I love this random rhythm, it makes entire piece so compact and this stanza is simply beautiful!

-oceanic lover embraces me
salted with kisses
melted in seaweed
warmth consumes death-
This intense part of the poem is written with such passion and I admire your ability to write something captivating as this.

-oil stained hands caress
smothering dark illusions
tenderly, soothing pain
burring the eyes of the lost-
I like your combinations of words in this stanza, they are amazing, ending is simply brilliant, very emotional lines.

All in all you did incredible job on this poem, it hold a flawless poetic beauty and I enjoyed in every line.

I'd Walk On Broken Glass To Be With You (11)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-23

Wow, intertwined passion and beauty of this piece impressed me. Every line is filled with so honest, touching emotions and I must say I think that you are one of the poets on this site that use most unqiue rhymes. Your rhyming is not typical, it is very refreshing and it always help you to build fantastic rhythm of the poem so you did great job with rhymes. Whole piece is breath-taking and emotions that you expressed in it are moving and overwhelming. Bravo, amazing poem.

Toxic Melody (7)
by Melpomene

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-23

-Drift throughout the atmosphere toxic melody will arise,
As firefly's flicker entwined with blue beaded butterfly's,
Stars shall crumble to dust as wind blows through air,
Casting a light rain over meadows swaying in distance.-
^Wording in this stanza is so amazing and you took my breath with this amazing combination of words, emotions are so overwhelming and this stanza is truly great.

-"Kiss me" She whispers grasping his hand within hers,
As practicals of what once was float from starless night,
Rose petals travel within breeze, jewels of his affection,
As silhouettes of a lullaby deteriorate through the mist.-
Wow! This are truly moving lines, very powerful and imagery here is vivid and it still dance trough my mind, beautifully written.

-Droplets evaporate as sunrise forms before glowing eyes,
"Morning comes round too quick" He hushes to her ear,
Rainbows become faded within the view of cloudless sky,
As toxic melody wisps a scent of Daisy's over grass fields -
Ah, I am speechless again, this touched me deeply! Just wow...

Whole poem has truly captivating and remarkable rhythm, I absolutely admire your ability to express strong emotions on amazing way! Bravo.
You should never stop writing, this poem shows your HUGE talent.

Canyon of faded illusions (6)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-23

I can't believe that I didn't comment on this fascinating piece of poetry before, wow!!!

-Jump over the moon, dig out bloody axe
self- destruct, inner voice, cryptic tone;
illusions entwine with silver stone,
fireplaces and purple candle- wax.-
I'm not sure where did you get idea for this remarkable, totally creative rhyming but it impressed me and helped you to create this mesmerizing atmosphere and captivating unique rhythm. Actually the thing that fascinates me most about this poem is it's rhythm, it is so interesting and it absolutely occupied my attention. Well done. Choice of words is flawless and you painted so vivid picture in my mind leaving a clues of strong emotions.

- Focus on farewells and bitter disdain,
bury all crusades of destructive hesitation,
mourn over clouds, while angels entertain
the devil begins his sombre transformation.-
I love the fact that you don't rhyme always but when you do that your rhymes are always so refreshing, that is great! Whole stanza is amazing, very descriptive and it is written with same breath-taking passion which first part of the poem posses.

-Canyons are fading between midnight tunes
self- destruct, pale limelight dragoon
dig out bloody axe, jump over the moon
brindle the stars over dreadful lagoon. -
Repetition that you used here is really mind-blowing, wow! I don't know what to say this lines can so easily leave reader speechless and I am in awe.

All in all this poem is incredible, just wow!

The Shooting Star That's Never Seen (13)
by IdTakeABulletForYou

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-01-22

I will be totally honest in this comment. I just want to tell that this is just my personal opinion and I don't want to offend you with anything.

-The Shooting Star That's Never Seen-
^Nice title, very captivating and it is the good opening for this poem.

-Trying hard to not just be
the shooting star no one can see;
I'm trying hard to be someone
and not just drown alone.-
^This stanza did not grabbed my attention at all, rhyming in it isn't original and it seems somehow forced, I think that some powerful, unique metaphor would me much better for first lines of this piece. Just this fourth lines were predictable and not interesting too me.

-I want to make a footprint in the sand upon the earth;
Although I try it's always wiped away with the high-rising surf.-
^Excellent lines, this is the part of the poem when I start to like it, superb choice of words and you said this on very creative way which is great cause you expressed your self on truly moving way.

-I'm trying hard to turn into
a star that makes wishes come true;
I'm trying hard to glisten; shimmer
--All I ever do is flicker...-
^I don't like repetition of-I'm trying hard-, it left a negative impression on me simply cause I think that it is too simple and I personally don't like your the way that you express that but in the same time it was touching but it could be even better if it is more effective.

-For one million years I have waited to shine
but I can't foresee light in my life anytime;
I'm just wasting in space wasting space in spaceless-ness
as everyone flies with shooting stars of brilliance.-
^Rhyme shine - anytime totally throw me off, I don't like typical rhymes, I think if you want to rhyme than be original but other than that this stanza is excellent.

-Do I lack the fire?
Do I lack a flame?
Without wick am I just set to rot my life away?-
Super lines, very nice part that in my head made this piece very compact.

-Hopelessly existing in this gravity-less hell
while every hour upon hour my cold heart becomes a shell;
Dreams of shooting far across the pristine-lit night sky
become a distant memory of times where hope was still alive-
Wow! This part is absolutely brilliant, mind-blowing image is mixed with emotions that are expressed in fantastic way and I admire your writing in this stanza. Bravo.

-
Perfect timing and position high upon the clear night sky,
hoping at least one person will see as I fly by.
Only once I get to shoot, and then that's it for me...-
^Greatly written except I don't like-and then that's it for me- cause I think that it could sound more interesting with different shape of that sentence.

-I guess that I will always be the shooting star that's never seen.-
^Perfect ending, it posses breath-taking beauty and amount of emotions and sadness, wow!

Now all in all I must say that I enjoyed in this poem, you wrote it with such passion and beauty, it touched me deeply. I just think that it could be even better with some improvements but overall I must congrats you on writing this poem, and the fact that you wrote this piece with such honesty and managed to describe hard feelings is impressing.
Keep writing, well done.

Laments and Impressions (14)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-12-22

Mind-blowing! Breath-taking masterpiece! WOW!

Every word of this poem puts me in awe! I am mesmerized with your astounding writing skills. Well done! You should be absolutely proud on your poetry and this piece deserves much more than 5/5.

-Walking down the streets on Monday night
gets me high on emotional impressions,
in this town of dying dreamers and zealots.-

^Every word of last line is just craved in my mind, with such power. I love this stanza! It is so vivid and every word is perfectly picked. So deep and intense, it made me say, wow...

-I get curious glances from complete strangers
cause the beats that follow my footsteps are
too loud; no one understands pure magic
that I carry around lulled in the left pocket,
still waiting to meet the eyes of persona
who'll recognize rhythms that blaze within me.-

^Beautiful, I am without words, just beautiful...

-Coldness wraps around trees and lampposts
pursuing cheap luminaries that slowly blink;
town church's dressed up like caricature of casino
captured within decorative misinterpretation.
I'm warming up my frozen intellect, trying not to
disgust from artificial sweetener that replaced Christmas.-

^Message that you told here is so good and you told it on incredible way. This amazing lines are mixture of very strong, excellently expressed, emotions and effective, clear imagery. All in all totally impressing...

WOW!

Eye in the sky (2)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-11-10

WOW!!! This is absolutely genius piece, you should be so proud on your self, I am honestly totally impressed and you left me without words. I will put it in my favorite poems because I really love every line. Wow, wow, every part is so complex and I really enjoyed in it. Descriptions mixed with emotions and you created amazing atmosphere, this is one of the best love poems that I ever read, and one of my favorite pieces of yours. It deserves so much more than 5/5

Lost love (10)
by bahamianpoet

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-11-10

I think that you should change last line, I think that is just not fit because this poem is excellent and that line leaves bad impression, it through me off. Anyway I don't prefer love poetry but this piece is very original and you wrote it on interesting way. Second stanza is amazing! All in all great poem except last line which I don't like.

Pearly shades (2)
by johnny lives in caves

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-11-10

-something is sickly wrong, who's dream is this?
my room has never smelled this sweet and good.
painted orchids and lilys, cover blood tipped walls-

^Wow!!! This stanza is totally amazing, every word in it creates so powerful picture, I absolutely love it.
This is truly great poem, topic is very unusual and I honestly enjoyed reading whole piece. I don't know what to say to you but well done! This poem holds some special beauty. You again left me without words with your outstanding and unique writing.

I Hate You (25)
by Pete

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-10-21

I don't like rhyming in this one too much, and I personally don't like word-hate- and I also think that you leaved bad impression with repetition of that word. All in all it isn't bad poem, that is just my opinion but honestly I didn't enjoy in this one too much. I think that you could wrote it with some metaphors and create more powerful atmosphere.

Motionless fantasies (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-10-17

Beautiful poem, you said so much with so little words. I love the atmosphere in it and imagery is truly excellent. I love when you do that, you mix pictures and emotions and that makes incredible rhythm. I like your choice of words in this piece, and honestly it is very impressing.
Well done! This piece is so powerful and it deserves top grades.

Butterfly Kisses (143)
by Gem

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-10-15

Wow, quite impressing piece, it has fantastic topic and you created truly excellent atmosphere in it. Rhythm is really beautiful in whole poem and it has great message. Good imagery is mixed with superbly described emotions, really deep. Rhyming is also totally unique and refreshing. Well done! I really can't chose favorite stanza, I like them all.

Fearful Hunger (3)
by firexdancer

commented by DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2007-09-01

Wow, I think WOW. Simply amazing and truly breathtaking poem. It is simple but you still expressed emotions on the fantastic way. So deep, touching and honest piece, I like your poetry because every your poem is deep and emotional and you always create beautiful atmosphere. I am impressed, well done!

-when i fall, i'm no longer able to fly-
^This line is, I don't know maybe outstanding is the right word. It is so sad and I can feel your emotions like they are mine own.

-this swirling of color, confusing my thoughts
sinking farther into this death
causing my own pain doesn't help tolerate it
this guilt with every breath-
This stanza is absolutely superb. I just love it.

-more dark than light even in my dreams
worrying that she would take him
how on earth could i not realize
his love for me went deeper than skin-
When I read it... Just wow, really impressing you wrote it ... This stanza shows that you have majestic talent.
And last stanza has excellent message, you created great atmosphere with just few words!
And in whole poem wording is wonderful. Fantastic poem, I like it so much. This poem is my favorite piece from you except maybe your poem called:-Painful dreaming- I have that poem in my favorites list and it is also amazing but this one really deserves more than 5/5

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