Praised comments by Blissful

Vexation. (16)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by Blissful ( F C D ) at 2009-10-10

Great title! Really captured my attention.

"of life without meaning.
Severely damaging
eternal being,"
^I really enjoyed the eternal rhyme here. It was quite subtle and added a nice touch to the first stanza as a whole because it kept me interested to keep reading.

"to reverse sanity and afflict me
with psychosis for eternity."
^Great job with the rhyme here as well. I can see you trying new things and that its really good to see because you're growing as a poet with each poem.

"earthquake shaking thoughts
torrential tears develop a
raging monsoon."
^there seems to be a comma missing here...like this just runs out and left me out of breath. I liked your choice of words and as a whole the image you created was quite powerful but it just needs a little cleaning up technically.

"Hours are shredded"
^ I like that...never seen it said like that before.

"in silence and curiosity
of a solution. I'm quickly
falling from this extreme
height of vexation. "
^ I liked how you ended it with the subtle rhyme again...nice touch to tie the poem in together at the end!

I could really relate with your words here Temps...the emotion you evoked with your poem was quite outstanding and it hit home with me. I'm sure many have felt in that position once or twice in their life as well which makes it an even better read because many can find comfort in your words. It might have of been short, but it packed a punch and I sure did enjoy reading it.

Well done!
*5/5*

At War. (9)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-07-14

The title was neutral for me. Didn't hate it but didn't love it.

"I tend to wrestle
with my emotions"
^Great way to open. Caught my eye and made me want to read more.

"sometimes they
tangle themselves"
^I didn't like both "sometimes" and "themselves" here together. They threw off the flow for me.

"into a cluster; so
I have to pry them"
^Loved "cluster" and "pry" But I didn't like the word "so" Youre a better poet then that.

"they gang up on
me,"
^Too cliche.

"forming a vicious
army of confusion-"
^Loved that. Very unique.

"that a bullet of such
extreme power is
just enough to force
them to succumb"
^Didn't like it at all. Seemed too forced. Read over it a few times and you can change it.

"The aftermath is
bittersweet--relief
so soothing; yet--
there's still that
ounce of regret"
^Love it,

"for I have nothing
to feel; I'm rather
numb; emotions
are splattered with
colorless blood..."
^You're repeating yourself here. In my opinion it would sound better without the first two lines.

"Leaving me
wonder--why did
I ever go to war?
At least I was
victorious...right?"
^Loved that you ended with a question. Keeps the reading wondering in the end.

I like to see you trying new things Temps. Its great to see a poet grow and test the waters. This one was good but make some of the changes and it will be great.

Entangled (3)
by The Bird and the Worm

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-07-11

I loved the title! Really captured my attention.

"I feel like time is working against me,"
^What a great opening! It was like BOOM here it is and you just got right into it. I like that. I've felt like that too so I know where you're coming from.

"So I am left to contemplate thoughts,
That loiter around, in absolute proximity."
^I loved your word choice..."proximity" "loiter" You don't see that a lot in poetry so its refreshing seeing something new. I know how that feels. When you have so many thoughts in your mind and time doesnt seem to be moving as fast as youd like it and all youre left to do is sit and think which always leads to getting lost in thought. Not always healthy but I've been guilty of that as well.

"After I have examined the crucial concepts"
^Loved the alliteration.

"My heart hesitates towards the strictures,"
^More alliteration! :]

"But I must cut these vicious vines,
For they obliterate my actual affections,"
^Beautifully said! "Vicious vines" was so unique! But thats what it feels like sometimes, being entangled in vines without a knife to cut through.

"I want to know again that sensation,"
^Doesn't really flow well for me. Perhaps "I want to know that sensation again."

"That tickles my veins, such shivers of bliss."
^This was so cute! Made me smile. :]

What a wonderful ending! I loved how you closed it with optimism. No matter how many times we lose ourselves in thought and become tangled, there is always a way out even if its not visible at first. After the ending of a love all you're left to do is store away the memories but not look back. You look to the future with your head held high in search of a new better love. Its never fun remembering the past and how it once was but just remember it will be better in the future.

Well done! I really enjoyed this because it was easy to relate.

*5/5*

A Journey Into Your Life (5)
by Italian Stallion

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-07-11

The title really caught my eye. When you can't stop thinking about someone, you wish to know everything about them, whats on their mind and in their heart. I already know I'll enjoy this one.

"Everytime I daydream, I dream of you."
^The simplicity here was just beautiful! A great way to start of your poem because I could tell that this would come straight from the heart.

"...derived from blissful moments in a resolute journey."
^I love how you worded this. "derived" "resolute" Great word choice!

"through littered roads with broken hearts,"
^I like the contrast from light to dark here. How sometimes the journey isn't always rainbows and butterflies but you have to go through the bad to get to the good

"It's a exploration in the lines of fire in which I'm willing to partake."
^Not all are brave enough to pick of the pieces of a broken heart, I admire your courage.

"You're the coffee that I drink"
Coffee! Reminds me I need to get some. :]

"strong, bold, and sweet. I can taste the sweet tenderness amdist my lips,"
^You mean"amidst" The repetition of sweet kinda threw me off.

"I can smell the floral fragrance emitted"
^Loved the alliteration.

What a wonderful ending! I liked how you tied it in with the beginning. Very heartfelt poem Joe and one I really did enjoy. It was like an escape from reality into a heart filled with love. Beautifully expressed prose.

Well done!

*5/5*

Waterfall. (7)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-07-04

Your title remind me of the song "don't go chasing waterfalls la la la.." Haha okay moving on.

"Emotions overflow like rapid
waterfalls, as a light
pound in my head
shakes
tears
free."
^I didn't like your opening stanza. The flow was all over the place and it took me a while to get through it. Here my suggestions.

"Emotions overflow like rapid"
^I think it would be better "Emotions overflow AS rapid"

"pound in my head"
^"pounding" would sound better in my opinion but I could see you shortened it so it follows the style. It was a bit rocky for me though.

"Makeup invades my eyes
within seconds
sharp stinging
like needles
puncture
deep."
^Brilliant. I liked your use of the word "invade" cause it shows that the makeup is entering a place its not wanted. "Puncture" was good too.

"Oblivious...that's me.
To this random
occurence of
sorrow.
I wonder..."
^You don't need the "that's me" It adds nothing to the poem. Just oblivious alone sounds better but again I see you're trying to be consistent with the form. It seemed forced in the first line of this stanza.

"occurence"
^Its actually spelled..."occurrence"

"Why at this very moment
did everything
just suddenly...
hit me
hard?"
^You don't need the "..." Powerful question though.

I think the ended could have been a little more powerful but ending it with a simple question was effective. There is a lot of potential in this poem and I like to see you experimenting with new styles and forms. It shows you want to grow as a poet and not always be stuck on the same type of poem. That's good. I could tell this came straight from your heart because it was packed with emotion but there was just something missing to take it to the level of "amazingness" but maybe that's just me.

Imagination Hurts (16)
by Colm

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-06-30

Colm! First of all I love the title. It really captured my attention.

You opened up the stanza with beautiful imagery and I felt as if I was there because your descriptions were s vivid. Great use of punctuation as well.

"The water-lilies gentle waltz holds her gaze,"
^I loved this! So beautiful. Great alliteration with "water-lilies" and "Waltz" Gives it a nice poetic touch.

"The birdsong enticing her lips into smile."
^Wonderful line but I think it would sound better with an "a" before "smile." Sounds nicer when read out loud.

"Until recognition agonizingly erases her figure,"
^This line sounded to heavy and took me a while to get out when I was reading it out loud. "Recognition" followed by "agonizingly" is two big words meshed together and just bring down the poem for me. Maybe try replacing one of them.

"Untidy slopes of dull grasses,"
^I think just "grass" sounds better.

"Mind-wanderings override normal vision
Until recognition agonizingly erases her figure,
Like a ghost fading onto the wind...
Leaving behind an empty old bench,
A stagnant pond green with algae,
Untidy slopes of dull grasses,
And a lacerated heart..."
^Amazing imagery here and besides the one line I mentioned above, the word chose was flawless.

I liked the repetition in the final stanza. It really brought everything to a powerful end. The was immense meaning behind your words and I read the poem a couple of times to truly grasp it all. I really enjoyed reading this Colm and with some minor tweaks here and there it will be flawless.

Well done!

Swallow Your Heart. (30)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-06-28

So the title really caught my eye and I couldn't help but want to read it. Great job on picking a title that makes people want to read your poem.

"next to mine, harmonizing
with each flutter..."
^Wow Temps that was a wonderful description. Great choice of words in "harmonizing" It sounded so serene and musical...beautiful! "Flutter" was great as well although its used a lil too much, you made it work with your unique phrasing in the beginning stanza. Right from the beginning I was hooked.

"To explore your emotions
absorbing each one
then analyze them
with my own..."
^Isn't that what we all want to do when we fall for someone? Analyze their emotions to see if they feel as strong for you as you do for them. I wish it was as easy as you expressed it here. Very unique idea Temps I'm truly loving this poem.

"Dim nights could be spent
together, your love
complimenting mine,
our hearts cuddling..."
^Loved it! "Your love complimenting mine" It reminds of the post I made in the chat thread of love not completing you but actually complimenting you. Well said. "Hearts cuddling" How cute is that! I could just imagine it. :]

"You could be my candle
light on those nights"
^I didn't like this. It was as if you were repeating what you said in the previous stanza and just kinda brought the poem down for me.

"my sunrise
in the morning...

...the ray of my world."
^Now this was amazing! So beautiful.

The overall concept of this poem was so unique great job girl! I could just feel the emotion and could tell this came straight from your heart. I commend you for taking a risk with your poetry and it really paid off in this one. You should be really proud...this is one of my faves by you! I loved the short stanza followed by the one liners...very well formed! We all wish we could swallow the heart of the one we love to truly know what they are feeling because sometimes words doesn't do it justice. Very well said hun! :]

I am nominating this one because it truly deserves it.

Well done!

*5/5*

Your Picture (17)
by Ingrid de K

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-06-20

"the Peonies looked ready to be picked."
^Loved the alliteration here with "Peonies" and "picked" Right off the bat a very nice touch.

"I saw a tear land on the pink petals."
^What I loved about this line was how you saw the tear instead of feeling it. Sometimes when horrible events happen in our lives and we cry so much we can't feel the tears anymore because its like routine so when they fall down our face we can't feel it anymore, kinda like we're numb. Thats the image this line painted in my mind.

"soft salty showers,"
^Loved the "sss" sound throughout this line. Very consistent. Great use of imagery as well.

"originating from the green wells"
^Beautiful description!

"that hovered over my favorite flowers."
^Loved your use of the word "hovered"

"I knew you were gone,
or rather,
I realized you had never really been there for me
At all."
^Wow. This was heartbreakingly beautiful. Someone might be by your side but it can feel like you're actually alone. They might be there physically but are they there emotionally? Spiritually? Thats what we need in our lives. Very thought provoking line you had here got my head spinning...I love it because thats what good poetry should do.

I loved the ending! Perfect way to bring your poem to a close. Although it was short in length, it was packed with meaning and emotion without it feeling heavy.

I could tell this came straight from the heart because I could feel what you were expressing. Thats what I look for when I read a poem. If it affects me in an emotional manner, then its quite an effective poem. This one made me feel the pain, see the tears, and then at the end with the smile and the conclusion you came to it seemed like I was making that journey with you because I was captivated with your words. This has to be one of the best pieces I have read in a while truly one that will stick with me long after reading the poem. You should be proud of this one.

Well done!

*5/5*

Losing My Balance. [Song] (6)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-06-20

OOO Temps a song! How exciting and new. :]

First of all I loved the title. Great choice.

"but I think I'm ready to take this flight.
Board the flight of love once more"
^I'm not so sure of using "flight" here twice. I know in songs repetition is sometimes key but it really doesn't work for me here.

"sail without a worry above the many shores...
so will you be there to catch me?"
^Loved the "ssss" sound throughout these lines. Quite effective.

"so what do you say... should we restart?"
^Hmm "restart?" Sounds like when a computer is being slow and you have to restart it to get it working again. That could be where you were going with this maybe I dont know.

"to rekindle our love once lead askew"
^This is a beautiful line Temps! One of the best you've written but I dont think it fits in with the rest on of your song. The vocab you chose to use is a bit simple which works in your case but this line stuck out to me because the words were a bit more advanced and didnt really mesh well with the rest. Maybe I'm being a bit picky I dont know but thats what stood out to me when I read the chorus. Otherwise your chorus was beautiful and something I am sure many can relate with. You touch the emotional part which was great.

I loved your overall message in the poem. Very uplifting. No matter how many times you fall on the way you to love, you just gotta get back up, dust yourself off and go in a different direction. Just because we get burned by loves flames doesnt mean we should give up on love all together. It gets hard because you're scared of being hurt again but if you don't take the risk, you might miss out on something beautiful. Life is nothing without taking chances because it might end up good you just never know until you try. Great message Temps.

Well done!

A Lost Romanticizing (2)
by Italian Stallion

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-06-20

I really need to get back to commenting because I am missing out on some amazing poetry. I loved the title on this one...it caught my eye and lured me in.

"Hardened steel fallen,"
^Great opening line Joe. The subtle rhyme here was quite effective in keeping my attention and had me curious how the rest of the poem would play out.

"(Unleashing all hell he did,
to get back home, he missed.)"
^That broke my heart. A friend of mine has a husband in Iraq and I know the hell she lives everyday not knowing if everything with him is okay and if he ever is going to come back. Its the same with the soldiers as you have described here. Overall its a hard ordeal and the way you have intertwined love here was great.

"Hushed words, signals made
communicating with others,
a truce being made."
^Hmm didn't like the repetition of "made" here.

"Vivid images stained his mind"
^I LOVED THIS. It was filled with so much imagery and truly painted the picture in my mind. Loved your use of the word "stained" because it shows that the images will be with them forever for its hard to get rid of a stain, as much as you try a piece of it will still be there. Great description Joe, it fit in nicely with what you were saying.

Loved the ending because it tied in the poem nicely. The format here was perfect for me with its short lines. It made it easier to read and was parallel with the overall message behind the poem. Great choice of words throughout this piece to get the meaning across. You tied in the lyric Temps provided nicely without affecting the flow and thats hard to do so I applaud you. :]

Good luck in the contest! I'm surprised this poem doesn't have more comments...it sure deserves some.

Well done!
*5/5*

Visible Flaws. (11)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-17

Woot new poem from you!

The title was a bit bland and didnt really catch my eye but after reading the poem I can see where you got it from.

"Oh, how they seem so crystal clear,
through eyes that have experienced
[a lifetime of ups and downs]"
^I don't see the point of the brackets here because it doesnt really put a significant emphasis on anything...jus continues the sentence you had before it.

"Crystal clear"
^ a bit cliche but I can see where you were going to.

"Hope sprinkles in vast amounts,
yets slides through her fingers..."
^Dang girl I loved that! Has to be one of the best lines you have written. I could feel the pain you were expressing of having hope in your view but not being able to grab hold of it and watching as it slips away. Thats truly heartbreaking and you expressed it nicely. Great job! I loved this.

"leaving the soul yearning for positivity."
^After that amazing line...this disappointed me. "leaving the soul yearning" is a bit cliche for me as well and youre at that stage in poetry that you could have said the same thing but varying your word choice. I didnt like "positivity" at all. The word just didn't fit...maybe try optimism"

"...while negativity rings in her ears,"
^I didn't like "negativity" either. Try replacing it with another word.

"and departs from her lips,
more flaws appear. "
^I loved the "departs from her lips" and I think the poem would be complete if you stopped it right there. The "more flaws appear" didnt do anything for me so I dont think you need it. Just my opinion.

I know you're hurting hun and it seems like every time you look into the mirror, all you see is the flaws but that solely stands on your shoulders. You choose what you see. Once you get your bright attitude back then all this pessimism will just float away like a dream. If you sit and stare picking at everything you dont like, all youre gonna do is bring yourself more down and you dont need that. You need yourself to see all the good and brighten up your mood. At this point youre your own worst enemy when you should be your best friend.

I'm happy to see you writing again. :]

Paper Wings (6)
by LifesALovePoem

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-17

Krista! I loved the title!

"Wind blowing my hair, clouds around me,
making the biggest decision of my life."
^I liked the imagery you used here. It was as if I was there witnessing this with you. Because you used "life" in the previous two lines, I think this line would sound better as "making my biggest decision."

"Hope soaring above the highest mountains"
^Aww I loved that! When hope is strong, it does feel like its flying huh? Well said. :]

"Lifting my fragile paper wings to begin flight,
leaping from my personal solid, safe place."
^I loved the first line but for the second one I think it would sound better if you replaced "safe place" with "sanctuary" or "haven"

"Soaring among white clouds; blue skies --
finally free from the weight of my life. "
^I dont like how you used "soaring" here again maybe try "flying"

I loved the meaning behind this poem Krista because it something many can relate with. Taking that step into a better place in your life is a hard one because you dont know which direction to take and which is the right one. You just gotta believe with all your heart and have hope, the rest will be peachy. :]

United by Immortality. [Collab] (8)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-08

I loved the title!

"Headstones aged lined in rows"
^Right off this line seemed a bit off for me...the flow was kinda awkward. Maybe "Aged headstones lined in rows" would sound better? Just my opinion.

"Probing their history in strange curiosity
Each epitaph paints glorified falsities"
^I loved the word choice here! "probing" "epitaph" Great job! It really set the scene and made the poem pop for me.

" freshly crowned with scarlet roses"
^I loved the image "scarlet" created here.

"I reach yours, freshly crowned with scarlet roses;
As you lie in peace, we are embraced in memories,"
^The only thing that was a bit weird for me was out of nowhere you start talking about a "you" then a "we" It kinda caught me off guard because I didnt know who "you" and "We" were but then again it could have been done on purpose to add an air of mystery to the piece.

" we are embraced in memories,
Reminiscing significant moments shared,"
^You're basically saying the same thing. I understand the fact seeing their gravestone brings back memories but repeating it twice with different words throw off the poem for me.

"As i gently sprinkle petals of love"
^Forgot to make the "I" capital. I loved the "petals of love" Beautiful imagery...I could imagine it all clearly in my mind.

All in all these was a great piece and you both should be proud! It was kind of easy for me to pick out which stanza was done by whom but thats because I know Temps's writing style haha. The scene was quite a sad one and brought back memories for me so you could say this really hit home with me. I loved the ending because it said so much in such little words which was a great way to end this piece. You both should be proud.

Well done!
*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

UpDown (11)
by StandStill

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-08

The title caught my eye because it reminded me of a song we learned about in my music class called "Up and Down" which I really liked so I was lured in to read your poem haha.

"comealittlecloser"
I loved how you smushed the words together because it gives a visual meaning to the words on top of literal meaning as well. very creativea and quite effective.

"seven.....thousand........miles..........away......"
^And on contrast I loved how you split this up to represent the distance expressed in your words.

"I could whisper all of my
insecurities
and scrutinies
if only
you would hear me. "
^This just broke my heart because I know where you are coming from. Sometimes we have so much inside of us that we wish to get out but only if someone is actually hearing us not just listening.

Visually this poem was just great! I love when people take risks in their writing, its quite appealing to the eye and refreshing to see something new. I loved the emotion you expressed and the bit of childlike tone in your voice. It shows no matter how strong a person is, love always makes them weak. You spoke from the heart which makes it easier for people to relate with your words...I know I did. Well written!

*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

Once (4)
by Inside the Liar

commented by BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-08

I'm just going to jump right into it Skye. But first of all I loved the title. I think it fit it quite nicely.

"The type of tales"
^Loved the alliteration.

"That made your head spin.
He drew you in"
^I loved the rhyme cause it was subtle.

"His hands were the masters"
^You don't need the "the"

"That dwelled atop the baby grand in the corner"
^Loved your use of the word "dwelled"

"[Ma'am? I don't mean to interrupt,
But all I wanted to know was whether
Or not you could identify the body.]"
^OMG SKYE! WHAT A TRANSITION. I loved it. It came out of nowhere but was really effective. Now I can see where the poem is going and honestly it just breaks my heart...

"We grew up in the same house.
Shared the same parents.
Slept in the same room.
A dream now, it seems like."
^You dont need the "like"

Skye the ending was so amazing! What a story you told! Wow I was captivated from beginning to end. You should honestly be really proud of this piece. You took me on a jorney with your words and although it was sad, there was beauty behind your words. I loved the tone in which you wrote in...the style you chose was also quite effective in getting your message across.

All in all this is a piece you should be proud of!

I think I have one more vote left and if I do...then its yours!

Well done!

*5/5*

Fair Trade (9)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-29

Gah the topic of this poem just breaks my heart Danny. This message should be spread so people know of whats going on. Or worse...they know but just close their eyes to it. Shameful.

"On your dying day; you
could ask for anaesthetic
to numb the pain whilst
your loved ones hold your
hand and tell you it's going
to be alright."
^It could be the fact that having my grandpa pass away is still so fresh in my mind but this stanza alone brought tears to my eyes. No joke. I was while he was dying and giving his "last words" to everyone while struggling with death. His screams still ring in my mind and thats when they decided to hook him to the IV that will make his death pain fear. My body chills jus thinking about it but its excatly how you described it. Surrounded by his loved ones while he drifts away to the unknown. This stanza really hit home with me and my commentary might be off on the message of the poem but thats where your first stanza took me.

"Hoping to hell
for heaven."
^Clever play on words.

"whilst many more trembled-
packed in barbed cages.
Family."
I liked how family stood alone in this. Loved the use of the word "whilst" sounds so pretty when read out loud although the poem isnt meant to be taken as pretty. "trembled" was good as well.

"that
was torn from shivering
bones to be stitched and
sewn to throw over unknown
shoulders."
^That brought chills up and down my spine Danny. Gah I dont even want to think about it because its so inhumane. :[

"you
saw profit in it's wheezing
carcass."
^everything about this line was flawless. The truth here was so immense. "Wheezing carcass"--Amaazing word choice! I loved how it sounded when I read it out loud.

"Perhaps thought
the world wouldn't miss
another. Every creature
has a mother."
^I Loved the rhyme here--it was so subtle but worked wonders.

The fact that you said every creature has a mother even you was great because we are creatures as well. Just because our intellligence is a little greater or we have advanced speech doesnt mean that a creature thats lower than us should be dealt with in such a way. The fact that you ended your poem like that was great because it makes the reader imaginne everything that happens to those creatures is only view as horrible but what if it happened to them...made me think of Hitler and Nazi times but yeah thats another story.

Anyway Danny this was a brave topic to write about and I commend you. I loved the form and everything about it was flawless.

Well done!

*5/5*

Sweet Summer Surprise. (10)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-29

I see lately you've avidly been trying to incorporate alliteration in your poetry. :]

'Growling thunder obstructs silence"
^I loved "obstructs" but wasn't too happy with "growling"

"skipping across forest green grass."
^I liked how you said "forest green grass" instead of just green grass. I also liked the image you created with the word "skipping"

"Cotton clouds filled with rain burst"
^"Cotton clouds" is so overused although it makes for nice imagery. I think the sentence will flow better if it was worded as "cotton clouds heavy with rain begin to burst" or something like that because the way you have it now doesnt really make sense.

"heavy drops charge to the ground"
^I think it would sound better if you replaced "heavy" with something else but thats only if you take my suggestion about the line before it. I really liked the imagery you created with "charged"

"parched flowers open their wings"
^Cute. :]

"Friendly storm flees quietly"
^"Friendly storm" hmmm I'm not sure about it but it can work.

Wonderful nature poem describing the beginning of summer. With some minor tweaks here and there this piece will be flawless. The flow needs some working with and like Kiko said about...there were lines were adding an "a" or something like that would make it a stronger line. Overall I loved the imagery and the feeling I got from this...it was quite refreshing to read as a whole and I'm glad I did.

Well done!

Bliss. ;]

The Last Time I Saw Thee (11)
by Kiko

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-28

Wow Kiko...this was amazing. Truly took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes.

The repitition of your first stanza was quite effective in my opinion of getting your message across effectively. You were so consistent with your flow and choice of words that it made this poem so much easier to read in one swift motion instead of stopping on words that didnt fit nicely with the other. The poem as a whole was crafted flawlessly and flowed as one perfectly.

"to what once was
...but would never be again."
^That scares of lot of people. You said so much in such simpliest of words. People are scared to love, be it a significant other, a friend, or a family member, because the thought of losing them and them no longer being in your life is heartbreaking even to think about. You expressed that nicely with these two lines. I could feel the pain which is highly important in poetry...making the reader feel your emotion.

"For the gentle
winds of change
that brought
two hearts together,
would soon erupt
into a violent tempest
...ripping us apart."
^What stood out to me the most here was your flawless flow. Your choice of words was perfect in setting the scene and having me lost in your thoughts. "Winds of change" "violent tempest" I LOVED IT! Great phrases and quite powerful in your overall message.

I loved your repitition of the title. It wasnt overdone but actually a nice touch to the poem emphasizing the significance.

"on your blood-spattered,
white horse"
^What imagery! The beauty of the white horse tainted by the tragic scene on top...so heartbreaking!

"seductive stallion"
^Great alliteration and choice of words! Wonderfully said.

"until all your pain had vanished,
until the world around you had vanished
...until you had vanished."
^Love...love...LOVED it! Great play on words and repitition. You truly know when to repeat a word and have it be so effective. It takes great skill to do that and not sound too repititive.

"And we laid you to rest
on a chilly, April morn,
blanketing your coffin
with sweet lilacs
...and bitter tears."
^This scene broke my heart. "Sweet lilacs" and "bitter tears" What contrast between the two yet worked so beautifully in setting the scene.

"succulent scene"
^Great use of alliteration once again.

I commend you on taking a notion overused in poetry...of life without a certain person...and taking me on this heartbreaking jounrey with you. The emotion behind your words was immense and had quite an impact on me. I was left wanting more in the end. You should be proud of this piece because it has to be in my opinion the best youve written. Perfect in every way both techinically and emotionally. Great ending...nothing was overdone and everything had it place.

Well done!
You got my vote for this week. :]

*5/5*
Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

In Hiding (18)
by Cara

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-20

Wow Cara your first stanza was FLAWLESS. What an amazing way to open your poem because it kept me interested and made me curious what turns this poem would take. It was filled with power, emotion, and imagery. Just perfect.

"Your eyes bore into the depths of my being,"
^It feels like that somethimes...doesnt it? When a person looks into your eyes it seems they know every secret, every worry, and every fear. Sometimes you wish for them not to know the truth and you attempt to cover it up with a mask but it never words. I have always believed the eyes were the pathway to look into someones soul. To truly see what they are feeling. What an amazing line to begin your poem with.

"I'm curious to know, what you are seeing"
^I loved the rhyme with "seeing" and "being" It was subtle and worked with your poem. Sometimes people see us differently then we see ourselves...

"If you stumble into who I am along the way,
be sure to introduce me."
^I loved how you used the word "stumble" To me it implies that their true intention wasnt to see who you are but if they do run into it then please reveal it. "Be sure to introduce me" Sounds to simple but held so much meaning, I loved it. We grow through life not knowing who we truly are and wish someone would provide us with the answers to our infinite questions. The way I see it is we have to leave life to truly see who we are. We have to go through the hardships, cry with the sad, smile with the happy, basically live and work through everything that it thrown at us and then I'm sure along the way we find who we truly are.

"You ask that I let the real me reveal herself to you"
^After that amazing stanza, this line sounded a bit wordy to me. I liked the meaning behind it and where you were going with it but maybe taking out some words will help make it flow better.

"The thought of being in this world without a shield
Is like a soldier going to war without armor"
^Great similie my dear. Perect way to describe a person living life with nobody to depend on as a sanctuary.

I feel like this poem was unfinished for me. I think you could do so much with it. I loved how you started it, it was so perfect and the meaning throughout it all was very profound. I think you should add some more to it but dont force it, let it come to you and it will turn into a masterpiece. I loved how the format of it was different than the norm because it made it that much more interesting to read. Let me know if you do add more to it because I'm curious.

I really did enjoy this though Cara. You should be proud. :]

Well done!

*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

Orbit (8)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-18

I loved how the title fit in with the poem. It was a great word to choose and basically summed up the piece for me. This was just filled with metaphors which excited me becaue I like to dig deeper into the meaning behind it all.

"reminiscent of the none existent camp-fire"
^Loved the internal rhyme in "reminiscent" and "existent" becaue it added a nice poetic touch to the overall poem. Very subtle but quite an impact.

"I always
wondered if I'd earned tomorrow, as
I hadn't spent 'today'."
^This has to be my favorite part of the piece. What a profound thought! Just sends endless ideas fluttering in my mind. I always believe we should live in the present because you never know what can happen in the future. If we spend our lives hoping for a tomorrow while ignoring the today, then that is a ife wasted. Catch everything thrown at you in life, be it good or bad, and find the meaning in it. Was it there to teach you something? Whatever it was, it makes you who you are today. I might be getting off topic from what your poem was intended to get across but that line just evoked so much emotion in me because its so true. Do we really earn tomorrow if dont live today? It can be anazlyed from many different angles. Loved it.

"Yet
sunrise reeks of optimism"
^WOW. What an image. Your choice of the word "reek" reveals to me that the optimism maybe isnt welcome? Because when something reeks, its usually not pleasant. I'm not sure but thats what I got from it. Very nice play on words Danny.

"when the evening swallows the sun
light"
^Another great use of metaphor to create a scene. I loved everything about it. Its such a clever way on saying the sun set or it's night time.

I loved where you took me with this piece Danny and the more I read it, the more deeper I dove in it. You truly brought up some profound thoughs that I am sure many of us have had about life. Your ending was just flawless way to end this masterpiece. I loved the format you used because it was so different and so you. The flow was right on along with your word choice and amazing imagery. This has to be one of my faves from you.

Well done!
*5/5*

Remembrance (4)
by Italian Stallion

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-17

Joe! You have taken my breath away with this! I'm glad you enjoyed my challenge. :]

"A love once sought
died amdist thy eyes"
^Right from the beginning to broke my heart. I know what it feels like to desire a love, want it with your whole heart, dream of nothing else but being with them and then watching it all die in front of your eyes. Thats the lowest I've ever felt and it still pains me to think about it. That line just hit home with me. I can sense the emotion already.

"Emotions running wild
with each and every

..........thought,"
^I loved your repititon here. It truly gets your point across to the reader that although the love has died, they are still in your thoughts and it still brings you pain thinking about it. Packed with emotion my dear.

"....forever.....always
...You'll always remain
......deep Within my
...........HEART."
^I loved the caps lock on "heart" and your use of "..." It added a nice touch to your piece and made it more enjoyable to read. Very effective in getting your message across.

"If-
just
....my dreams
came
.............alive!"
^I LOVED this. The desperate tone was so obvious in your words thay you'd give anything just to have that dream come true. But what I will tell you is never give up and always have faith. If you dream then you can have the will to work hard and have that dream come true. Sometimes fate doesnt work our way but in the end know thats how it was supposed to be and everything happens for a reason. We may want something but in the end it may not be good for us.

A very powerful ending Joe. I could just feel the emotion you were expressing with your words. The scene was so clear in my mind and you left me wanting that dream to come true just as much as you want it to. Very effective in getting your emotions across to the reader because this was deep and full of meaning. You said so much in so little words that I was just blown away. This has to be one of the best I have read by you and I'm not just saying that because it was born from my challenge. :] It was truly a masterpiece.

Well done!
*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

Wilting Nature. (9)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-13

What a twist on a nature poem. I gotta admit though I didnt really like the title. It fell short to this wonderful poem. Titles are really important because its what catches the readers eye first and helps in deciding if they want to read the poem or not.

"Flowers frown, wilting"
^right off the bat I loved the imagery. I've never thought flowers as frowning but the way you presented it in the poem made me see what you were expressing. I loved everything about this line. Great opening because you had my attention and made me want to read more.

"Tender leaves schrivled,
now fragile, stiff."
^Hmm I'm iffy about this one. It was sort of a let down from the wonderful line previous to it. I liked what you had to say with the leaves breaking but I think you over described it. Also "tender" didnt really seem to fit for me, I've never seen it as a description for leaves but thats just my opinion.

"hail falls from light green skies,
like shards of glass."
^ Great simile.

"Beautiful rainbows,
painted with vibrant hues
fade to depressing colors."
^I loved "painted with vibrant hues" What a wonderful line...great imagery! However I didnt like the word "depressing" Outplayed and overused. Maybe try replacing it with something else.

"Lustrous sun smiling,"
^Love it! First flowers frowning now the sun is smiling. Great imagery once again!

"shaping into a face of pessimism"
^Loved the meaning behind this but I think it would sound better as "shaping into THE face of pessimism."

I think the ending was a bit weak compared to what was previous to it but overall Temps I really did enjoy this piece. It was on a subject I havent read in a while and it kept me interested throughout. The meaning behind it was so immense and powerful that it can be interpreted in many ways...which is good! This is a piece to be proud of hun because I know it came straight from you heart and reflected what you were feeling.

Well done!
*5/5*
:]

No Special Someone (15)
by Kiko

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-13

I really liked the title because although it was simple...it held a lot of meaning.

"for to stroll arm-in-arm"
^This doesnt really make sense. You can either have it as "for strolling arm-in-arm" or "to stroll arm-in-arm"

"No tender sweet nothings
sung into my ears."
^Beautiful yet so heartbreaking!

I loved how consistent you kept the flow of this piece because nothing seemed out of place or forced. Technically it was a great write and the emotion behind it is what made it stand out to me. I'm sure many can relate with the fact of not having that special someone to be all romantic with and seeing it all around them makes them want it more. But what I beieve is that its better to be without a someone then be with someone thats not right for you. Yeah it gets lonely but when it happens it will be worth all the wait.

"Will love bloom again...?
Only time can tell. "
^I loved the ending! The question makes the reader think about the poem long after they finish reading it. I liked how you had a bit of hope and optimism here which was great contrast to the loneliness in the previous stanzas. You made a flawless transition and had me wanting more. I really do wish this was longer becausse I enjoyed it so much.

Your rhyme was great because it didnt seem forced and flowed nicely.
Overall I really did enjoy this piece.
I hope to see more from you.

*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

Satan's Reward (11)
by Cindy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-04-09

The title really caught my eye so I was eager to read the piece. :]

What an amazing first stanza! It caught me right from the beginning and had me captivated with your words.

"Suffering screams of the mind"
^Great use or alliteration. The "s" sound sounds evil in a way like a snake which fit in nicely with what you were getting across. I dont know if you did it on purpose or not but either way it worked.

"Afflicted, distorted, disfigured"
^I LOVED this sounded! So horrific and wretched. I could feel what you were saying but just the sound of the words alone without even looking at its meaning. Great play on words...very poetic. Loved your word choice.

I loved how you continued the "s" sound throughout your poem. It was a very consistent move and truly made the meaning behind the poem more effective in its message. A very poetic move indeed and one that made the poem as a whole stand out ot me.

"
Violent seizures, rabid tongue
Charred, scorched, rot, decay
Molten lava, fiery death
Reward for Satan's play"
^Great ending! Loved how you put the title in at the end. Nice way to close such an amazing piece.

Your flow was so flawless throughout the whole piece which made for an easy and fluid read. Loved your rhyme scheme because it didnt seem forced but just read naturally. I liked how it was different from the normal reads you see everyday because I felt as if it took me to another place, away form my reality.

Well done!
I really am glad I read this.
*5/5*

Bliss. [Beyond a Poet's Mind.]

An Old Diary. (7)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-30

I'm just going to jump right into it!

"concealed tightly by decaying lock."
^I think it would flow better if there was an "a" after by.."by a decaying lock"

"Stale memories buried beneath cover"
^Hmmm "stale memories"...thats a different one...I dont know if it makes such sense for I have never heard of memories being "stale" but I guess you could make it work.

"spine sewn loose, struggling to stay intact."
^Loved the alliteration! I see you using it a lot in your poetry. :]

"Gentle fingertips glide cautiously"
^I think this was a bit wordy and didnt flow as well as the rest. Maybe just "fingers" would sound better.

"across aged pages,"
^Loved the internal rhyme..very clever.

"Ebony globs of ink splattered throughout"
^LOVED "ebony" but didnt like "globs"...at all. Please use a better word. I did liike the imagery you presented with "splatter.

Great use of descriptions here to present an old diary. I liked your use of words and imagery. I liked your ending...it was a great way to finish the poem. I would have hope you took me to another place with this, it was just descirption whereas I was waiting for emotion but I guess thats not where you wanted to go with it which is fine. Good luck in the contest! I think ima do the diary one too. :]

Hope Rising. (7)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-28

I loved the title so I was eager to read this. :]

"Gloomy skies drip liquid tears"
^hmm "gloomy" has been so overused in poetry lately. I liked the word "drip" but didnt like "liquid" Of course tears are liquid and wet or else they wouldnt be tears. Maybe you can say something like "crystal tears"

"Shielding sun's luminous glamor,
with their murky faces of gray."
^I loved the imagery you presented here with the contrast from light to dark. Great use of words to create this scene.

"as the light mist kisses their leaves"
^I liked "kiss" here. Great use of scenic imagery.

"Clouds collide as light peaks through"
^I didnt like "light" here because you used it once before already although I loved the "clouds collide"

"Gorgeous grasses stand with pride"
^I didnt like "gorgeous grasses" Its not a good word to describe grass and I didnt like grass in the first place. Seemed out of place from the beautiful descriptions you had before and it all flowed nicely until grass. I think you should edit that line especially cause it leads into the conclusion and you want to end it strongly.

Great use of imagery here Temps. Its what stood out ot me the most. I'm not sure why its in the life cateogry because on the surface its describing nature but then looking deeper into it, its meaning is truly powerful and you did a good job getting it across.

Poetry, Perhaps (6)
by Colm

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-27

"And when to my feet scree starts to spill"
^I'm not sure if scree is a word...

"My position I begin to recatogorise."
^It's "re-categorize"

"They change, erode, metamorphise."
^I dont think "metamorphise" is a word...I see you trying to make it one to fit your rhyne scheme but I'm not sure it makes sense.

"Where beauty and purpose reside and teach"
^I didnt like your use of the word "and" here twice. Maybe try something like "where beauty and purpose reside, teach.

"They remain painstakingly beyond my reach."
^I dont think you used the word "painstakingly" correctly with your message. What I think youre trying to say is that its really beyond your reach and its painful to retain. Try replacing it with "sadly" or "dreadfully" Just my suggestions.

"Carved by the pen with musical wrath"
^I LOVED that! The imagery you created with your words was flawless and the line as a whole was unique and something I had never seen before. Well written!

I hope you dont take my suggestions as harsh. I do really see a lot of promise in this poem and with some minor tweaks it will be so much better. I enjoyed where you were going with it but maybe rhyming kind of held you back and you tried too hard to look for words that rhymed even if they didnt fit in the poem. Pieces like this that hold so much meaning sound better without rhyme because they flow so much more flawlessly. Just my thoughts.

Dancing Dreams. (5)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-24

Loved the title Temps! Really captured my attention and made me curious to read the piece.

First off looking at it I loved the three lined stanzas. People usually go for 4 lines stanzas but in my mind thats getting played out and the fact youre stepping out of the box, taking chances, and trying new things with you word is really impressive.

"Dreams dance across resting mind,"
^Loved the alliteration in "dreams" and "dance" It tied in the title right at the beginning and lured me in.

"Unable to interpret this reoccurence"
^Loved your choice of words in "interpret" and "reoccurence" You didnt settle with words used all the time and brought it up a knotch. Made the piece very sophisticated.

"of such illusions that bloom with color"
^I loved your choice of words in here with "illusions" and "bloom" I think color was a bit too simple for this stanza.

"everything becomes a blur before"
^"becomes" "blur" "before" Yay more alliteration! It makes the piece sound so much more poetic and makes it stand out!

"repetitiveness or a refreshing smile,
a better undertanding, or perhaps less?"
^More alliteration! I'm guessing you did it on purpose and if you didnt, it came out wonderfully on accident. I adored your use of the word "perhaps" and how you ended the poem in a question left me as the reader wondering along with you and curious to see how the piece would end. Sometimes before we dream we wonder if we will see something recurring or will it be something new and you described that nicely here.

"What if it's screaming, trying to capture my
attention, am I just oblivious to its meaning?"
^Loved how you ended it with a question because it leaves the reader wondering about your poem long after they finish reading it. Loved your use of the word "Screaming" It was very effective in describing how maybe the dream is trying to get something very important across to you. Very well written ending.

I really enjoyed this poem Temps. You are truly growing as a poet in front of my eyes while taking risks with your writing. I loved the meaning behind this poem because we all wonder what our dreams are trying to tell us but sometimes its better to just leave it as a mystery. I find it better not to analyze it especially if it was a good dream because then I lose the feeling of amazing it left me with.

Well done!
I really enjoyed this piece.
*5/5* :]

Almost Alone Again (13)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-24

Right off the bat I LOVED your alliteration in the title and then seeing that line repeated in the first line of the stanza was really effective in capturing my attention and making me curious to see how the poem would play out. I was very anxious to read this piece.

"Almost alone again
dreams manifest pretend,
condense to liquid "
^What wonderful rhyming right off the beginning! "Again" "pretend" "condense" OH MY haha my brain is having a blast with this already and I havent even jumped into the meat of it yet.

"when reality prickles my
pale skin"
^LOVED your use of the word "prickles" I almost felt what you were saying and it was very effective in setting the mood of this piece. Waking up after an interesting dream that you cannot decode always leaves is with the feel that reality is intruding and we wish to understand what our dreams were telling us and what importance they have in our everyday life. You descrived that flawlessly here.

"and her face is residue"
^I Loved how you described this person face lingering as a residue in your mind or even in your sheets. Sometimes we dream of people or things but after we wake up we forget about them and go on with life. But sometimes there are dreams that stay in our minds for days like a "residue" What a great choice of words!

"How to confess
that 'her' is you...
I want to give my
thoughts their due.
I rue the day I dreamt
of you."
^What simple rhyming yet so effective! Wanting to tell this person they were the on in your dream and they linger in your mind. You dont know what to do with those thoughts anymore so you wish you never dreamt of her. Loved your use of the word "rue" It was different and very effective in getting your messsage across.

"I'm aware that her
touch will purge my
mind"
^Wow. I am in awe of the imagery you presented with this line. Great use of words with "purge" I love that word becaus its very efffective to show how you wish to get rid of something and her touch will do just that.

"will rid the rain
clouds from the sky"
^Hmm I've iffiy about this. It was a bit too played out for me....overused in peoples poetry. Maybe that was your intention? I'm not sure.

"which beckons me to lie
betwixt her porcelain
thighs."
^Now that was amazing! "Porcelain thighs" shows how fragile she really is...I am in love with your descriptions here.

"How a portent can be
etched in constellations,
with careful observations,
devoid of explanation."
^I loved how you didnt rhyme throughout your whole piece but where you did it was very effective. Great use of imagery here as well.

What an amazing ending Danny! You truly blew me away with this piece and I'm sure it felt great to write it and release some of those thoughts and emotions you were going through. I dont want to go on and on but I really enjoyed this piece and was glad I read it.

Very well done!
*5/5*
Another Danny masterpiece.

Eliciting A Ghost (3)
by Novalyn Grace RR

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-24

Loved the title! It really captured my attention and made me curious to see how the poem would play out.

"Sunlight punctures the still silent air"
^Right off from the beginning with your first line, you have wowed me girl! "sunlight" "still" "silent" What an amazing use of alliteration to give this poem a unique "pop" and make it stand out. I loved your use of the word "puncture" because in my mind I could see the sunlight breaking through and beckoning eyes to wake. It reveals that the sunlight wasnt welcome...great use of imagery!

Your first stanza as a whole blew me away Nova! What a great way to start a poem...very descriptive in setting in the scene and it was as if I was there witnessing it all with my own eyes. Your use of words were different from the norm yet easy for everyone to understand which was amazing. I am in awe of how you opened this piece.

"and oh, what passion we sheathed,
dancing together beneath these sheets."
^Loved it! I loved how you described it as "dancing" haha I know how youre a dancer so my brain made the correleation. You described and said so much these two lines that I can go on about them. It was amazing.

"you may be gone, but our bed is still warm"
^I loved the ending because it was simple compared to the rest of the poem. You said what you had to say and got it across flawlessly without having to add any glitter or sparkle. It hit home and was like BAM in my mind. The transition from your descriptions of the sunlight making its way around the room and then remembering the night you two spent together...the last line was the perfect ending in my opinion. Flawless.

Wonderful poem Nova!
Blew me away. :]
*5/5*

7 (13)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-13

I love the title! But I dont know why it would look better spelled out as in "Seven" That could just be me I dont know haha its good either way.

"Tongues of lust caressed each other,"
^HOT! Loved the way you worded this. "Tongues "lust" and "caressed" were wonderful word choice and why I enjoyed it the most was the "ssss" sound throughout that line. It gave it a sound of sin. I dont know if you did that on purpose but it was quite effective in my opinion.

"In a house wet with mistake."
^You said so much in this short sentence. Great choice of words in "wet" and "mistake" Wet shows that sex has taken place but is soon regretted after the deed is done. Reminds me of your other poem as well.

"It was greed that wrestled
with fate in a stranger's bed"
^"wrestled with fate" What a great choice of words to create that phrase! I loved the imagery because it felt as if I was there witnessing the soon with my own two eyes. Again the notion of getting in bed with a stranger is brought up...be it lust, or buckling under the pressure to be acceted...this is an everyday occurence that you crafted into a flawless line of poetry.

"For it was sloth that
allowed him to sneak out
at night, and take his ring
from his finger"
^Married man cheats on wife with young girl. I have seen it one too many times. You set the scene perfectly.

"shame
was his cologne."
^I loved how you worded that! You are always so unique with what you write.

I adored your usage of the seven deadly sins throughout this poem and you did it flawlessly! It all seemed to flow naturally for you and resulted into a masterpiece. I dont want to go on an on cause you can already tell I really enjoyed this piece.

You should be proud of it!

Well done.
*5/5* :]

Glad I read it.

Alive Again (3)
by Shinobi

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-12

Loved the title! It really captured my attention.

"Under the pressure of this powerful dark stream"
^Great use of allilteration here. I dont know if you did it on purpose but the [p] power and pressure was perfect in creating the mood. The [p] sound itself sounds full of power so it added a nice touch you the message you wanted to get across.

"Finally, when all hope was gone forever
A glimpse of hope burned inside infinite shade"
^Using the word 'hope' here twice didnt really do anything for me. I'm not sure if you repeated it on purpose but I think it would sound better if you said it just once.

"All happened so fast, but time was crucial"
^It would sound better with a 'it' in front of the 'all happened...'

"Soul and body aspired to a phase of decay"
^ What wonderful use of words! I loved how this sounded when I read it out loud.

"Kissing me softly, lifting my spirit higher high"
^The ending here with 'higher high' doesnt really make sense to me and kinda threw the flow off but after reading it again it didnt really stick out to me like the first time I read it.

This was a beautiful love poem! The best kind of love is one that saves us from the ashes we have been decaying in and just makes us feel alive once again which is why I loved your title. Its only two words but said so much and held an immense amount of meaning. I'm sure the person you wrote this for truly adored it.

I'm glad I read it.
Well done!
*5/5* :]

Take A Chance (1)
by Inside the Liar

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-04

I loved how you just jumped right into it. Right from the beginning it was apparent this was straight from you heart.

"Even when both of us
Me and you
Tell me that it would be better if I stopped"
^I think it would sounded better if it was "think" rather than "tell me"

"It's no one's fault
It's just the way things are
That's why I persist"
^Been there, felt that. You seem captured by something in this person and theres a hint of hope thats things can be more than they are so you continue. I love that! Go after what you want girl. Life is too short to think 'what if?" or live life with regrets. Its better knowing than being uncertain.

"I don't feel anything from you
I don't even know what it is about you
But I know I want you"\
^The depth here...WOW Skye! You were so honest! Sometimes we dont know why we want to be with a certain person...we just cant put our finger on the reason but we know we want them. I know what youre talking about. Well said. It was simple yet said so much.

"Because I'm running out of words
And I'm running high on desperation"
^AHHH I LOVED THAT! Having all these emotions inside but not being able to tell the person can try someone crazy...I know it did to me and the way you said "running high on desperation" was so unique! Ive never heard it put like that before. I applaud you!

"You're a puzzle like none I've ever seen
I can feel the urge to break you apart
To put you back together again
To make you into something
That I know I can understand"
^WOW. Skye...youre blowing me away with your words! I loved everything about this stanza...the imagery...emotion...your use of words. So much rawness is apparent in everything you said. I could totally relate.

After that stanza I loved the transition from wanting to break this person apart and put to them together in a way you understand but then not wanting to change them because you love everything about that. That was so beautiful! I dont even have the words to express the emotion evoked in me when I read it. You wrote it so nicely without any break in flow or rhythm.

Whoever this was written for should read this. Its difficult for people to be so honest with how they feel and expose themselves to be vulnerble. Youve opened the door for someone to come and make themselves known knowing the risk of heartbreak but taking the chance. I love that! Take that chance girl because if you live your life in fear, you will never experiance any beauty.

I really hope this person opens up to you and things work out. This has to be one of the most honest poems I have ever read and I loved that. The more I read it...the more I loved it. It was simple in wording but immensly powerful in meaning.

Well done Skye.
Has to be my fave by you.
*5/5* for sure :]

Sensual She (2)
by Cyber Saiyan

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-03-01

Great title! It caught my attention and made me curious to read the piece.

"Early morning ray of light kiss the springtime dew"
^I think it would sound better as "early morning a ray of light kisses the springtime dew" It just flows better in my opinion.

"Waking to the cozy warmth of my arms still caressing you."
^What a beautiful image. I could really feel the warmth from your words which you spoke of.

"Stories from the past are secretly told as your blood runs through your veins
Deciphering the meaning of the tale your soul quietly explains."
^I loved that! When we love someone you wish to tell them about our whole life, our deepest secrets, fears, and dreams. You expressed that wonderfully.

"Bridging a path between our spirits allowing our souls to progressively explore."
^This was so beautiful! It was worded so flawlessly and just flowed off my tongue when I read it out loud. The truth behind your words hit me with an immense amount power. Well written!

"Actions and feelings shared here and now are truly are what dreams are made of. "
^Too many "are's" here. It would flow better as "actions and feelings shared here and now are truly what dreams are made of."

This was such a beautiful love poem! I was blown away by the genuine emotion behind your words and how you truly feel so much for this perosn. I adored how it was sensual yet not raunchy and expressed the true bond between lovers. Sex not just for pleasure but a whole out of this world experiance filled with love, beauty, and commited.

You expresseed yourself wonderfully here and I am glad I read it.

Well done!
*5/5* :]

My Dream Come True Is Only You (9)
by Zeenat

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-22

I LOVED the title. It really captured my attention and made me anxious to read the piece.

"A love so deep inside me, that it tickles and thrills my core."
^Aww that was so cute! It does feel like that huh...it just turns your insides all around but its the best feeling. "tickles" "thrills" what a great choice of words! I loved the alliteration in it becaue it sounded so poetic.

"Your gentle voice plays in my mind with lyrics that felt so true."
^Thats so true! When youre falling for someone...its as if their voice is scripted in your mind and always replays things he said which make you smile like crazy! I know that feeling oh too well. :]

"Bumblebees hum in my stomach, every time I hear your name,"
^Loved it! Bumblebees and butterflies like to invade our tummies when we like someone and make themselves known each time we think about them or hear their name. The best feeling every. <3

"I want to spend the rest of my life staring into your alluring eyes"
^I think it would sound better as "Wanting to spend the rest...." rather than "I want to spend the rest..." It just flows better in my opinion.

"You have walked right out of my dreams into my melancholy heart"
^Isn't that what we all want? The guy of our dreams to make themselves known and shine light into our darkest crevices. You worded that so nicely here.

"Mind wanting to let go yet deep inside I have been wishing to restart."
^This sounded weird to me and I had to read it a few times because it was so rocky and threw off the flow for me. Maybe you can tru re-wording it?

I loved the ending! A beautiful end to a wonderful piece full of love. The emotions felt so real and true. All throughout I was thinking about the one I love and smiling because of your cute descriptions.

Great collab you two. :]
Well done!
*5/5*

Love's Deadly Poison. (4)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-21

Very good title. Eye-catching and interesting.

"Face planted in hands, cupping tears that fall.
A mini lake forms in the palms of my hands. "
^I dont like the repitition of "my hands" here.

"no saccharine words flow from his lips no more."
^"no more" LOL come on Temps you know better than that. "Anymore"

"Emotions twisted, impossible to know how to feel"
^I liked how you said that. Sometimes when we are hurt so badly...our heart feels numb to any emotion and we feel as if we can never feel love again but that isnt true. You might feel tainted now and lost hope in love but someone will enter your life that restores all your faith in this beautiful emotion. Just wait and it will be worth it. Trust me.

"There's just no hope that remains for us anymore,"
^You're basically repeating the same thing you said in the first line of the second stanza.

I liked the ending. When you love someone with all your heart, all you want for them is to be happy even if it isnt with you. Your prince will come Temps. Hes just lost and wont stop to ask for directions or a map.

Well done although I know you coulda done better.

Voyage Becomes You (Prose) (9)
by Mr Darcy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-20

The title was amazing here. It captured my attention and made me curious what direction the poem would take. The overall flow of this piece was flawlessl. Its difficult to make something flow so easily in prose but you have did it.

It was as if this was sculpted with the finest of tools to produce such a masterpiece. Everything fit in with each other nicely and it all played like a song in my head...a beautiful melody. Your use of imagery here just blew me away! The whole scene was painted in my mind with shades of imagination.

"Ancient cosmic particles travelling through a universe of space"
^"Traveling" not "travelling"

"a premonition spawned from the seeds of virgin vapours."
^What flawless alliteration with "virgin" and "vapor". It sounded so beautiful and poetic when I read it out loud andi t all just flowed nicely off my tongue.

"velvet darkness "
^I loved the image this phrase painted in my mind...stunning.

", sparkling like spray of scattered sequins on sleepy baize. "
^Another great use of alliteration! I loved how it all fit in together nicely with the image you were creating.

Your word choice here just blew me away. Nothing was over the top difficult to understand yet it wasnt simple as well...It was just perfect. The can be a million messages behind this work of art and I might interpret it differently but because it was in the friendship section...I assumed it was about two people going through life or you could say the universe together. I could be totally off but nonetheless I really enjoyed it. :]

Well done!
*5/5*

Definition: Unsure (12)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-15

I loved the title! It really drew me in and had me wanting to read more.

"the currents are strong,
my arms feel so weak,
yet I'm rowing along,"
^I loved your rhyme here! The message behing your words were powerful and well put. Some believe that you need someone by your side to go on in this world but that isnt true. You can be just as strong on your own. "Rowing a two man boat alone" was so cleverly put Danny it sent my mind on a tailspin searching for the meaning behind your words. The fact that even though the currents are strong youre still rowing shows that youre not being stuck in a rut but going through it to see whats on the other side. I hope that made sense...Basically always move forward and keep your head up.

"yet for once, I wish there was,
an outstretched hand,
or a smiling face,
beckoning me to a warmer place."
^There is! You just dont know it yet. The drive that should make you want to go on is the hope of who you'll run into that captures your heart completelly and make you fly without wings. Yeah okay I am getting a bit cliche here but its true. Always have hope that bigger and bettter things await you...just believe. Now I sound like a Disney movie lolll.

"And if she wants the world,
she'll have the universe unfurled before her,"
^Awww your words reveal that you have sooo much love to give and there is someone out there waiting for you to give it to her. Wait that sounded wrong...you know what I mean. :]

"So teach me.
Make me feel."
^I loved the repitition of "make me feel" It truly makes me as the reader realize that you seem sort of numb or something of that nature because it feels as if you cant feel anymore and you need that person to spark some life into you and make you feel human cause all you feel is empty. :/ Been there felt that but came to the realization that only YOU can find the emotion within yourself....no one else can.

What a flawless ending Danny! It tied everything in together nicely and the last night was perfect in how you worded it. Its like a cry out for help hoping someone can hear you. Its as if you know the way to get there just need a reason to.

I hope writing this poem helped ease your confusion. Thats why I love writing because sometimes things dont make sense in our heads but when we put them in words then everything just falls into place. I loved his piece Danny. Each one of your new works just amazes me on different levels and I am always blown away.

Well done!
*5/5* :]

This also deserves a nomination.

Remnants Of A Swan Song (5)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-11

Wow Danny. I need a couple of seconds to collect my thoughts. That was amazing!

"I gave you my shirt to crease,
I crossed my arms around your waist."
^I loved you choice of words here. "crossed" was beautiful and used flawlessly in describing this scene. The imaged that was painted in my mind was a fragile girl sheltered by the love of her life and his warmth. Most girls dream of that one person that wipes away each tear, melts away each worry, and is just there for them always and those two lines were so simple yet said so much to me.

"I wished their vile stares away,
I took you by your shaky hand.
And I'd spent my last pound.
...So we slept in that shelter?"
^This paints a scene of two people that will undergo any hardship just to be together. "Shaky hand" was used so flawlessly here Danny. It held so much power and meaning. A hand should be held esp. when it's shaky so the fear escapes their body and they know that everything is going to be okay. I loved how you ended it with a question. It had me as the reader questioning what you were saying and diving deeper into your words trying to find some hidden meaning.

"When we went away, and walked the moonlit sands,
we got sand between our toes,"
^I'm not sure if I like the repitition of "sands" here. It could just be me being picky. I'm not sure if you did that intentionally but it's not that big a deal lol.

"and we made love in the hotelroom"
^I think hotel room is two words unless you made it one word on purpose.

"you snored softly in the silence."
^This made me giggle! I loved it lol. It was so cute! When youre in love with someone, even their snoring sounds like a melody and something so sweet. Beautifully said yet so subtle...flawless.

"you left that ring I gave you on the sheets.
...I kept the receipt."
^This broke my heart. :[ You held so much power in your words without saying too much. A ring symbolizes the love a person feels for another and when that love is dessert, you feel as the whole word is crashing around you. The fact that you said you kept the recepit made me so sad because it showed that you knew it wouldnt last and might have to return it. I could be interpreting it too literally but thats what I got from it.

Wow Danny what an ending! It's the worst thing to pour your heart out to someone and love them with everything you got only to be left alone in the end without their love in return. That can break even the strongest of hearts and you worded it so simply yet had the hugest impact on me. Flawless ending Danny. You blew me away.

I adored this piece from beginning to end. The title really drew me in and the poem sure didn't disapoint. I always expect masterpieces from you but you always seem to surprise me with someone new and amazing in your writing. You never cease to take risks as a poet and I admire that greatly.

Well done on this one Danny.
I'm glad I read it.
*5/5* :]

Icicles Formed by Tears. (6)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-03

"The sun that once shined your fervent love,
melting away all my tears in an instant, is gone"
^kind of doesnt make sense in my opinion. "the sun once shining with your fervent love, melting away all my tears in an instant, is now gone." I think that flows better but it could also just be me.

"Now no warmth beams down upon me, "
^you're kinda saying the same thing here. Of course if the sun is not shining then there is no warmth...youre just repeating the same thing.

"instead these tears are frozen together,
forming icicles to lie upon my cheeks."
^ I like the imagery here.

"Bitter cold pinching my skin with pain"
^I love the alliteration with "pinch" and "pain" very poetic.

"an unbearable amount of discomfort."
^you don't need that line. Of course if something is pincing your skin, it brings you discomfort.

"Lost in love with this heart, forlorn,"
^"forlorn heart" sounds better.

"that may never resurface ever again. "
^I dont like this line. "never resurface never again" sounds like filler words that you dont need. You could say the same thing with less words.

The last stanza needs some work. It doesn't flow properly and theres commas where you dont need them and no commas where you do need it. It just ongoing with no organization. Read it over a few times and youll know what to fix. I like the overall meaning behind it but could be written better.

This isnt one of your best. I know you can revise this to be flawless. I'm only being hard on you cause I know what you're capable of. I won't rate it because I dont want to lower your rating.

Noise (6)
by Valedico

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-02-01

Loved how simple the title is!
It made me curious how this poem would come together.

"titanic towering trees"
^I LOVED the alliteration here. It just flowed so flawlessly when I read it out loud and sounmded so poetic. Well written!

"spewing grey smog into a cloudless skyline. "
^The imagery in your first stanza was AMAZING and this line stood out to me immensly. I loved your use of the word "spewing" becaue I liked the image it painted in my mind.

"Harmonies of tranquil rivers or the roar of a magnificent sea,"
^The contrast between these beautiful scenes of nature were flawless! I loved how you went to one extreme from another with such ease and grace....from tranquility to the roaring waves. It was as if I could ear and feel what you were saying.

"Foamed froth forming"
^Again wonderful alliteration and so poetic...it almost sounds like a song when read out loud...so beautiful.

"Outside is occupied with sidewalk trash talking fist flailing delinquents, filling the air with scowls and stadium crescendos of public houses as another man kicks a ball into a net."
^I LOVED the imagery here. It was so detailed it was as if I was seeing it all with my own eyes but you kept a sense of mystery as well which had me wonderinf where this would take me.

"away from the manmade musicians, all humming the same tones, same drones, every day, every night. Noise. "
^What an amazing end! Wow Danny. I am truly in awe. I loved the message tied together at the end. It seems as man is a machine, a robot that wakes up to do the same thing everyday without thinking twice of what hes doing to the enviornemnt around him.

Well done Danny. Has to be one of the best I have read from you. Deserves a nomination no doubt.
*5/5* :]

Kiss Away the Distance, Tonight. (5)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-01-28

First of all Temps, I lovee the title! Very unique and caught my eye.

"Lips thirsty for your sensual embrace,
furnish this tender soul with romance.
Trace each crevice smoothly, delicately"
^I LOVED how you started it. It was filled with imagery and made me interested in what else you had to say. I loved your word choice here and how you said "lips thirsty for your sensual embrace" what a beautiful line! I could imagine it all so clearly in my mind. "Furnish this tender soul" Another flawless phrase that says so much.

"Kiss away the distance between us,
let it evaporate, to bring us closer,"
^Wow Temps! Beautiful! I loved how different this was from your other poems, it felt like you took some chances and they paid off. Flawless word choice once again.

"let's feel the reality behind our dreams,"
^Okay wow. Has to be one of the best lines I have everrr heard. Girl this was amazing! It has so much meaning behind it that it can be interpreted in soo many ways. We all wish that the dreams we have can be turned into reality by the person we love and you worded that flawless here. I am in awe. Go Temps!

"Thoughts of you will continue to flow,
vivid love through these eyes will show,"
^I liked the rhyme here but it throws off the flow if randomly in he middle you rhyme but not anywhere else in the poem. It would have made more sense if you rhymed at the end if you didn't want to do it throughout the whole piece. It just seemed random to me and didn't fit although I love how you worded it.

"Happiness to see eachother will result"
^there is a space between each other

"Eagerly awaiting your adorable face,"
^I don’' like "adorable" it doesn't seem to fit.

Perfect ending, I loved how you tied in the title and added a bit of repetition. I like this style from you Temps because it's different than what you usually do with the long lines. This was perfect and flowed flawlessly. I like to see that you're taking risks because it shows you want to grow as a poet and that's what everybody should strive for. I'm glad I read this hun, has to be one of the best you've written. Keep taking chances!

Well done!
*5/5* :]

Anticlimactic (6)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-01-19

The sadness in this piece was so alive in your flawless choice of words. What a touching and heart breaking write! I could tell this was scripted from your heart because everything sounded so honest and true. I loved the form you wrote in, it was different than what you usually see which made it that much more interesting to read. It all flowed so flawlessly and I read it a couple of more times to truly grasp its meaning.

"You held my life
in you're palm
and yet you lost yours."
^This was written so beautifully! Such meaning behind such a simple phrase. I loved your choice of words here....crafted flawlessly. What irony in your words...I applaud you!

I truly enjoyed this write Mel. I hope everything is okay though. :/ The sadness is felt so real to me and I hope its not something you're experiancing.

Well done.
*5/5* :]

A True Poet. (3)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2009-01-16

"spilling imangination onto the vacant piece of"
^"imagination."

"Each word engraved into the paper with originality,"
^You dont need the phrase "into the paper" it only makes it sound wordy and doesnt do much for the poem in itself."

"overflowing emotions vividly portrayed with ease."
^Flawlessly written here hun, such a beautiful display of imagery.

"immersing a blank piece of paper with words of their own"
^Well said here hun. Each poet is unique and their pieces reflect a piece of their heart and soul so when you said "words of their own" that was a perfect phrase to describe this.

I think you could have gone farther with this poem because it seems unfinished to me and that you had so much more to say. It ended awkwardly leaving me asking "thats it?" Hmm I'm not sure how I feel about this piece...I do agree with its message but it seemed to me that the title didnt really make sense with what you were saying. What is a "true poet" really? I'm not sure there is such a thing...anyone that can express themselves through words is a poet in my eyes and there is no right or wrong in it.

I liked that this was different than what you usually write but like I said I was left wanting more which is a good thing. Haha.

I will give it a *5/5* for stepping out of the box.

Walking Through a Graveyard. (4)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-12-29

"I follow a narrow strip of lightness showing me the way."
^I dont think "lightness" made sense here. Just "light" sounds better.

"hoping not to disturb the dead as they enjoy their peacefulness"
^I didnt like "peacefulness" Try "tranquility"

"A tall dark shadow appears in front of me as gasp for air, yet I choke,"
^WOW. Loved it!

"sending shock waves through the silence and peacefulness."
^Still dont like "peacefulness" Just try "peace"

"I see nothing but pitch black, I hear nothing but pure silence."
^I loved the repitition here...very effective. :]

Wow Temps this was so different for you and you did so well with it! The descritptions were haunting and eerie and I felt as if I was experiancing this with you. I liked how you didnt say what was it that caused her fear and left it as a mystery for the reader to come up with their own idea of what happened. You left it to the imagination...well done! You didnt use a lot of complex words here which sometimes overwhelm the poem. The flow was great and your choice of words complimented everything.

Well done!
I really enjoyed it.
Good luck in the contest. :]
*5/5*

You're My Hero. [Acrostic] (4)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-12-20

I saw this poem had a low rating so I wanted to read and she what others might have not liked. I'm going to be honest...

"Ultimately you are the one I proudly call my hero."
"My hero, you're the one who holds the key to my heart"
"Here and forever, you'll always be my hero."
"Our love will only continue to blossom with you, my hero, by my side."

^Do you see a pattern here? Too many "my hero" After a while people get the point this love in your life means a lot to you. Instead of keep saying "my hero" Why not write about the things he does or says that makes him your hero...it lacked emotion although it was evident you love this person. I feel like you ran out of things to say and was just forcing it along which was why so many phrases were repeated.

"My hero, you're the one who holds the key to my heart
You're the one who lifts me off the ground when I'm too weak to stand"

^I didnt like the "you are the one" repitition here...it just seemed like you ran out of things to say.

"Essentially that's what you are, what you'll always be."
^I did not like that line...it didnt do anything for me. You're basically saying the same thing, Yes hes your hero and yes he means a lot to you but WHY. I know why because you and I are close but your readers might not get the emotion you were trying to get across.

I know you can do SOOO much better than this because I know the type of potential you possess. Maybe your forced this a little just to write something sweet for TJ and I'm sure he loved it because it was so genuine but from a poetic stand point you can improve this a lot.

I'm not going to vote because I think it deserves a 4 and dont want to lower your rating.

I know you have it in you to shine as a poet this was just not one of your better pieces.

Sorry...I'm only being honest because I know you can do better.

The "Story" Has No Significance. (17)
by Composed Catastrophe

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-12-20

Wow I love how different this was! You truly touched on a lot of things many girls and boys experience in this game of love. This is the type of poem that makes a reader truly think and look for the message behind the poets words. I adored each and every line of this because it was so easy for me to relate. I wished this would have been longer because I liked what you had to say about the subject. I felt like there was so much more you coulda added but then again that could just be me addicted to the meaning of this poem and wanting more.

I loved stanza #1. I think every girl has fallen head over heels for a boy before and you described that emotionally with simple vocab and rhyme but packed it with an immense amount of feeling. Oh boy #2 the player. Its sad to say a girl has run into this type of girl once maybe twice in their lives and they always end up leaving us heartbroken. I recently had an experienced with this type of guy who calls when its convenient and just has you hanging on his every word mesmerized by his charm. Feeding you lies that his love for you is forever and making us believe in a false dream. Well got news for you Mr. Player, theyre only making us stronger and more aware of how guys get girls under their spells.

I really did enjoy this, you spoke the truth. You go girl!

I’m glad I read it.
Well done!
*5/5* :]

I'm Here Without You Baby. (5)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-12-06

"As time passes the steps to reach one another dissapates,
but the love they bestow evolves into a secure, eternal love."
^Flawless use of the word "bestow" and "dissapates" It didnt overpower the poem but just meshed with the flow you had going.

"A lovely fairytale once a delusion will become reality in an instant,"
^Aww! I love how you worded this...nice use of "delusion" is was perfect and fit in with what you were saying.

"Honey coated words will escape"
^I loved how you said "honey coated" instead of sweet. It was a perfect use of expanding on vocabulary and making your writing stand out. Very unique and I applaud you! :]

Very beautiful love poem you have here my Tempsy. I'm sure he'll love it. Love is worth the wait no matter what. If its true and genuine then no matter the distance or the wait you two will find a way to make it work, I have my faith in you two. :] I wished this was longer because I felt there was more you could have said and it felt that you ended it too soon but other then that the emotion was powerful and the meaning behind your words was beautiful.

Well done my dear.
*5/5* :]

The Contrast of Colors Symbolizes Our Love. (12)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-12-06

"If you look closely, his name is etched with pure love, forever it will stay."
^This line was worded so perfectly! I could just feel the love oozing from your use of language...amazing.

"The sunlight's rays beam down and reflect from a beating heart ,
infusing tainted shades of yellow into the mix of vibrant colors."
^BEAUTIFUL! The phrase "reflect from a beating heart" was unique! Dang girl I'm so proud of you! Your poetry is truly growing.

"Murky skies symbolizing our past mixes"
^I loved this line! Perfect way to describe the hardships you two faced in the past.

"the contrast of colors makes me realize how things can change with time."
^That's so true! Time heals wounds and changes things into positive rays of light but only if you let it.

This has to be one of my faves by you my dear! I'm not sure why I didn't comment on it earlier. You are truly growing as a poet right before my eyes and I'm so proud of you! Youre taking chances as a poet and they are paying off in your writing. Read this poem and one you wrote maybe a year ago and the change is evident. The imagery here blew me away! Your use of symbolism and was also quite effective in getting your message across.

This was just a beautiful depiction of love. <3
Well done!
*5/5* :]

To Be Loved By You. (10)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-11-27

What a wonderful title! Although it was simple, it said a lot. :]

1st Stanza.
The beginning two lines here were so beautiful! They just lured me in and had me curious to how the whole poem would play out. Although the lines were long, it didnt affect the flow one bit and was all put together nicely. The emotions you expressed were so true and from the heart.

"dwindled love blossomed beautifully"
^Ahh I love how you worded this! What a beautiful use of the word "dwindled" It didnt overpower the line at all and blended in nicely.

"as tints of pink and red began to replace the black in our lives,"
^How bout instead of pink and rose you used cherry and scarlet? Just a suggestion. And for "replaced the black in our lives" You could say "infused color in our lives" Either way I did enjoy the meaning behind this line.

2nd Stanza.
Awww what a love filled stanza! The confusion you felt while trying to figure out your feelings was expressed so nicely here and I could truly understand what you wanted to say. Your choice of words here were flawless and there isnt a thing I would change.

"A smile crept over my face as dry lips opened, uttering the word "yes.""
^Oh my this was worded so flawlessly! Each word here just fit nicely and I could imagine it perfectly in my mind. Well said and so unique!

3rd Stanza.
Awww now thats love! I can express the happiness I feel to see you feel so much joy and love with this special someone ;] and the way you two are towards each other is very inspiring for those who still havent found their "one" I know you two will make it because you both are genunine people and had hearts of gold.

I'm so the maid of honor at the wedding. :]

Well done my Tempsy. I'm sure he'll love this beautiful love poem.
*5/5*

If I had any more votes for this week...I would nominate it.

Could it be? (2)
by ilu

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-11-22

I loved the questions you asked here because they are ones I have found myself asking too and didn't really get the answers for. When we love someone and wish to give them all of me, it breaks our heart when they dont feel the same but I always say that if it doesnt work out with someone then that means your "one and only" is still out there. You just have to be patient until he enters your life.

Well done.
This was a beautiful piece.
*5/5*

Our Story (Pt 1) (10)
by Beautiful Forever

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-11-01

First of all the flow here was just flawless which made for an interesting and enjoyable read.

1st Stanza.
I loved how you just jumped into what you had to say which made this stanza more powerful and made me eager to see how the poem would play out. I could already feel the emotions you expressed and you choice of words here got your messge across flawlessly.

"But my brain was confusing receptions"
^This was so unique and worded nicely. I just loved how it rolled off my tongue when I read it out loud. Well said.

2nd Stanza.
I loved the deeper meaning you expressed here because it wasnt obvious on the surface but actually made me think which was great! The flow was flawless without anything seemin forced or out of place. Your use of emotion here was great and I could tell it came straight from your heart.

"I pushed without seeing that we'd break,"
^Wow...although this was simple in wording, it was immense in emotion. Oh boy could I relate with this and you worded it so beautifully yet full of heartache. Sometimes things happen beyond our control but when we can correct our mistakes the one we've hurt forgives us, then we know its meant to be.

3rd Stanza.
This was so sad! Again what emotion you evoke with your words...it just blows me away! Sometimes we can't see things that are right in front of our eyes and that slowly can bring us to our demise. Sometimes after the deed is done is when we notice what we did and ask ourself "what just happened?"

"Blind to the truth I've eventually lost,"
^Loved the way you worded this!

4th Stanza.
This was my fave stanza! Wow just blew me away with utter brilliance! Everything was worded so nicely and you got what you wanted to say across with ease and beautiful poetic phrases. The flow here was flawless as was your choice of words. I applaud you! :]

"Your tears screamed my name with regret,"
^I lovvveedd this!! It was so unique and I've never seen it said that way before. This line made the poem flawless for me. Well done! :]

5th Stanza:
I loved that you ended with a question because it left me the reader wondering what happens and how this love story ends. Perfect ending stanza bringing it to a nice close yet leaving me wanting more. Flawlessly written.

"Running frantically toward your signs,"
^Beautifull written.

Loved this poem! It was a joy to read.

Well done.
*5/5* :]

You Filled That Crater In My Heart. (8)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-30

Yaay a love poem! Cute title. :]

1st Stanza.
If you cant get someone out of your heart, then they are supposed to be there. You expressed that beautifully here hun. I love the words you used because they didnt overpower the poem and didnt fill forced. It was a great opening stanza and it captured my attention.

"They never once vanished from my soul, I held them firmly."
^Your use of "vanished" here was great! It fit what you wanted to say perfectly. Very well written.

2nd Stanza.
I loved how you expressed your true feelings here and how when that person was missing from your life, it felt as if everything was wrong and nothing made sense. Now thats love. It feels as if without that love, you cannot survive and you described this nicely.

"causing the level of missing you to reach a high extreme"
^I loved how this was worded and flowed off my tongue with such ease. Well done!

3rd Stanza.
My fave stanza! You desribed a broken heart so wonderfully that I could just feel the utter pain you were expressing. Great use of imagry and diction. You got what you wanted to say across flawlessly.

"Lying on that frigid floor with a shattered heart oozing with blood"
^Flawless!

4th Stanza.
Hmm I'm not sure about this one. I do think you repeated yourself a but too much with the word "crater" and "depression" It felt a bit rushed and I do think you could have ended it better to truly put a smile on my face. I'm happy for you because I know the story personally but this stanza wouldnt make me happy, just be like oh okay theyre together in the end. You guys went through so much to be where you are now, make me feel that without knowing the whole story.

Although this isnt one of your best, its still a wonderful poem. You got what you wanted to say across nicely and overall it was a great love poem.

*5/5* :]

A Cool Autumn Day. (9)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-20

Hmmm...Okay first of all I love how the atmosphere while reading this was so relaxing to me and you know how I needed that now so it was good. The second paragraph was the best in my opinion because it painted this flawless scene in my mind and I was just left wanting more. It was as if I was there experiancing it so great descriptions.

I do think that your want to expand on your vocabulary got in the way here. It doesnt flow well when you just throw in a "big" word to make it sound better. It felt like you were trying to hard to with your vocabulary and the piece itself would sound better simple and I think you made it too complex. I love that youre branching out and trying new words, just dont try to hard, let it come to you.

"Leaves of green, auburn, and crimson fall from bounteous trees above,"
^Crmison doesnt make sense here because when I hear the word "crimson" describing something, I think of something dark and or like blood dripping or something like that. It didnt feet in with the scene you were creating because the connotation contradicted what you were trying to express. You could use ruby or something that sounded sweeter, crimson doesnt sound sweet.

Overall I liked the descriptions and it was a good read. It took me away from my reality which is why I give it a *5/5*

Yesterday Is Dead (7)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-18

Wow! This was such a masterpiece! I loved the title because it captured my attention and although it was simple, it was packed with power and meaning.

This was different then what I usually read from you and I could just deeply feel the emotions you expressed with your flawless choice of words. I write each line slowly, savoring each wonderful phrase you put together, it was all just amazing. I loved the flow you created because the rhymin didnt feel forced and just read naturally and flowed nicely off my tongue when read out loud with no awkward stops. I applaud you on this work of art. :]

"clinging to the words you'd never say,"
^Wow that line just hit me. This one related with me so nicely and what I took from it was probably different from what you mean. When reality wasnt what I wanted it to be, I would dream of how things should be and hoped he would say things he never did. So I clung to the words he never said in reality but always said in my dreams.

"pathetic hemorrhage of wordplays"
^ I loved your use of "hemorrhage " here. It just worked so well with what you had to say and fit in nicely within the stanza. The tone of this line was so apparent in your word choice and your message was just clear.

Many people wish to spice up their poems by throwing in a "big" word here and there but they never work the word to flow with the piece but you my dear have just an amazing talent to word you poems while pieceing them to flow flawlessly.

Well done. I really enjoyed this. :]
*5/5*

Son Of The Underworld (8)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-18

Loved the title!

Wow. Seems I've been saying that a lot lately when reading your work but oh my this just blew me away. I loved the repitition in the beginning and end because it just tied it all together and made the message quite effective. The imagery here was just amazing and each scene was clear in my mind. There was such an immense power behind your words that I had to catch my breath a few times while reading this. Full of meaning and strength.

"So, I'm yours,
-you said-
look into my eyes
and you'll find music,
allured
I did,
I did
found
gallows."
^Oh my this was amazing....I could relate this with a guy I knew. His eyes was so enticing and just had me captivated but the deeper I looked, the more scared I became because I was just fooling myself to believe he was what I expected. Not sure if that was what you meant by it but thats what I took.

Well said my dear. Great read.
*5/5*

Tripped and Fell in Love. (9)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-16

Woooot! Sorry for the late comment...but congrats on the win! You deserved it.

Your rhyming here was FLAWLESS hun. Nothing seemed forced and it all just flowed so naturally. You should write rhyming poems more often. I would have to say this is one of your best! You expressed yourself so nicely and you didnt let the rhyming restict your emotions ... I applaud you! :]

"To fall in love and feel the same in return was my goal,
not knowing what would happen falling with heart and soul."
^We all fall in love not knowing what awaits us, heartbreak, or true happiness. But sometimes you dont know what waits for you until you take that one step and lose yourself in that blissful emotion. You expressed that wonderfully here dear.

The beginning stanza was so strong and opened the poem so beautifully, I was hooked!

"Next to our broken hearts that have yet to mend,
a day will soon come that we will love each other again. "
^Awwwww I love optimistic endings. Theres always hope in love and you expressed that nicely.

Well done Temps! This one was truly a joy to read. :]
*5/5*

The Last Song We'll Ever Sing (5)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-16

Loved the title! It really caught my eye and had me wanting to read more. :]

The imagery you painted with your words were just flawless and I could imagine everything so clearly. You had a way of luring me into your world and searching for the hidden meanings behind your words and I loved that! It held depth and power which made it so much more interesting to read. The flow was just so natural without anything seeming forced or out of place. Your word choice was captivating as usual and made for a beautiful read.

"playing melodies that died on salty lips."
^This was so beautiful! Your play with words here painted a bittersweet imahe. Melodies always remind me of something soft and appealing but then you transitioned to death and salty which proved there was much more you meant besides what was on the surface. Well done! :]

I loved the repitition in the end because it just brought everything to a nice close and go your message across effectively. Another flawless piece from you my dear.

Well done! :]
*5/5*

Locked in Time (8)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-16

Loved the title! It was simple yet held so much meaning. :]

Wow. What word choice...just blew me away! I loved the way this was styled because it had flawless flow and kept my interest from beginning to end. I could just feel what you were writing. When a poem instills emotion in a reader then that truly is an effective poem. I had chills are some points and then there was also a time where I smile. Reading this was like an adventure to me, I didn't know what was going to come next and I liked not being able to predict it because you kept me on my toes and interested.

"I'd take a sip of your empathy
if you just let me come closer,"
^What a beautiful way to start your poem! It just lured me in and captured my attention making me rid my mind of other thoughts and just concentrate on your words. Beautiful.

"crimson dewdrops crawl down the pages
filled with flourish apathy."
^I just loved how this sounded when I read it out loud. Each word just fit flawlessly with the next making for a great flow and beautiful read.

Well done my dear. Another masterpiece pended by such a talent.
*5/5*

His Palm Became My Dictionary (22)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-08

First of all congrats on the win! I was waiting until Monday to nominated it because I had nominated 3 poems already last week and then I saw you won and I was so happy! Wooot!! :] Well desereved.

This was quite a unique piece...it just left me breathless! This has to be one of the best I have read in a while and Ive been reading a lot of poems lately. I loved the metaphorical speech because it truly provokes thought and made me want to know what you truly were feeling when you wrote this. I'm not going to ramble on but I am going to say, this has to be one of the best you've written and that says a lot because everything you write is a masterpiece.

"He once asked me to differentiate
love; though chalk petals touched
my tongue. Never considering index
I defined lust. "
^love Loved LOVED this stanza. :] It just spoke to me, hmm yeah that sounded corny but it did! Each word was used flawlessly to get across your meaning.

I was so happy to see you won! :]
Well done.
*5/5*

You're Beautiful. (Gravity) [Ternazelle] (5)
by Stephy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-04

I loved the title. Even though it was a simple phrase, I knew you would take it to a whole new level and I wasn't dissapointed. :]

1st Stanza.
I could imagine each scene here so flawlessly in my mind. I liked your use of the word "bounce." It was fun and just caught my attention and made me interested n the poem and what was to come next.

"You're full of drug-induced mania, inflating all of my love for you."
^Many poem use the "You're my drug, and I'm addicted" phrase a little too much in their poetry making it somewhat cliche but YOU took it to levels that left me breathless! Your use of the word 'inflate' and 'mania' were flawless in creating this scene. I applaud you. :]

2nd Stanza.
I enjoyed the uniqueness here. It was so refreshing to read something new and exciting. Your use of words here were very effective in unmasking your message. "That laughter drew" Beautiful line and I don't think I've seen it anywhere else...great job. :]

"I've fallen with some difficulty, being defeated by love's gravity"
^I know the feeling of falling for someone oh too well and the way you described it as being defeated by gravity was a new twist on a classic phrase.

3rd Stanza.
I enjoyed the simplicity here. You just made it work without any fancy things. I could feel the emotion and put myself in your shoes making what you said come alive for me.

"I'm still hypnotized by your face."
^Been there felt that. Where you just stand in a trance like state because you cannot believe the beautiful image before you. Well said.

4th Stanza.
I could relate with this stanza immensly. We've all been lost without a trace searching for that one love to radiate our darkened heart and make us believe again. And when we do find it, its the most magical feeling in the world.

"For so long, this world was shifting and I couldn't find my place,"
^I could feel what you were saying, maybe cause I've been there before but also because you expressed it so flawlessly.

5th Stanza.
I loved the senusal and romantic feeling I got from this stanza. I imagined myself in my loves arms melting and it just put a smile on my face. You have a way of drawing the reader in and having them imagine clearly what you say...great job!

"Your touch sends fire through my body"
^I just had fire sent through my body just thinking about it. Well said. :]

7th Stanza.
Enjoyed the last stanza. It brought everything to a nice close tying it all together flawlessly. It flowed beautifully and left me wanting more. Your use of the word "forsaken" here was quite effective and made the stanza flawless for me.

I really enjoyed the style you choose to write in. The poem all together was a great read.

Well done.
*5/5*

Hope is a wasted emotion (6)
by ether

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-04

The title just caught my eye and I was curious as to what would be the hidden message behind your words.

1st Stanza.
I enjoyed the opening scene you created. It gave me a place to imagine myself as I continued to read. Sunsets are a beautiful masterpiece that is so special when its shared with someone you love and you expressed these want flawlessly.

" watch as the day submits to the night"
^A very unique way of saying watch the sunset. I enjoyed this line, very refreshing to see something new.

2nd Stanza.
I didnt really enjoy your repitition of the word "believe" here. Maybe it was used on purpose to get across a point but it didnt appeal to me. The power behind your words here was just great. I read the stanza a few times to fully understand the meaning behind your words. Now thats what shows how great a poem is. It has the reader wondering and re-reading to fully understand.

"first stars push through, alone."
^Again another unique of saying something simple. The image this painted in my mind was nice and I really enjoyed this line.

3rd Stanza.
I liked what you had to say. You had me interested and agreeing with your message. You got what you wanted to say across with few words and no need for fancy tricks which worked for you.

I do think the flow here was rocky and maybed some expanded vocabulary could have been used but I enjoyed the message. Sometimes poetry isnt about dazzling the eye but getting across something and you did that here.

Well done.
*5/5*

Words That Leave Your Mouth Have Only Negative Connotations (9)
by ether

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-04

Oh boy could I relate. Sometimes we can't help who we fall for. You try to so hard to hate them because you know theyre no good for you but everytime you hear their name or smell their scent, your whole body quivers and you yearn to be with them. I could feel each emotion you expressed because it deeply related with what I've been through. You use of syntax was flawless and you revealed your true feelings through both short lines and long lines without disrupting the flow. I feel like I know you on a personal level because I could tell this poem came straight from the heart. Very well said.

"Or maybe it's because I'm a sucker for trainwrecks."
^Loved it! It basically summed up the whole poem for me and made it complete.

That last three lines blew me away leaving me breathless. I got the sense of a tired girl who cant understand why shes fallen for him but wishes she didnt. Sometimes you shouldnt analyzing things because whats meant to be always has a way of coming back and working out.

Well done.
I really enjoyed this read.
*5/5*

With unbroken wings (8)
by Ingrid de K

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-10-03

Very inspirational read. I know Nana and what she's going through so this poem took on a personal meaning for me. Your use of imagery here was just flawlessly luring me into your world and making me imagine each scene. The meaning behind your words were powerful and truly beautiful to read.

I just loved the title. It fit the poem and its meaning perfectly.

Well done.
*5/5*

Gone in a Blink of an Eye. (7)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-09-06

Hmm for a title I think "Gone in a Blink of an Eye" or "Loved Today, Confused Tommorrow" I don't know, something along those lines. I could tell this came straight from your heart because the emotions were so real and you expressed them beautifully.

1st Stanza.
I loved the idea behind your words here. It was something many could related with. The notion of having your heart broken yet finding the person that just glues back the pieces of a shattered heart but because youre so eager to feel your heart whole again, you take that leap and it comes too fast. I do think it was a bit wordy and could flow better but you meaning was so powerful it really didnt matter. The beginning line didnt really capture my attention because its such an overused phrase but as I continued reading, it was great.

"took that leap of faith; said those three magical words"
^Loved it. Flawless. Wouldnt change a thing. This line is what made the stanza stand out to me even though I know you could have written it better. This line was so unique, truly captrued my attention.

2nd Stanza.
Okay the thing that stood out to me here is your overuse of the word "they" It made it kinda boring even though the other words such as "spilled from his lips" and "passionate words" were flawless. This could use of revisision and take our some "theys" to make it flow better.

"Falling harder than ever before; they fell in love quickly,"
^"Falling" ... "fell" I didnt like them both in the same sentence cause its basically saying the same thing. I think you should change one of them to make it flow better.

3rd Stanza.
This was too simple in my opinion. I know you could write soo much better and if you spent some time reading over this and expanding your vocabulary, it would sound so much better and stand out from the rest. I know you have it in you because this stanza was just good but you can make it great.

"Simple desires that they both wished to become reality-"
^Great opening to the stanza. This was the only sentence in the stanza that stood out to me while the others were a bit simple. Nonetheless I enjoyed it.

4th Stanza.
I loved how you ended this. The last two lines were filled with hope yet a hint of sadness. Not knowing what the future olds causes one to become confused because when you want something so badly and dont know if it will happen, makes someone frustrated and depressed. You exrpessed yourself nicely here and made it relatable to anyone.

I enjoyed the story behind your words although I know you can make this better. I loved it though.

Well done.
*5/5*

Temptation is Impossible to Resist. (9)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-31

Love the title! Really caught my eye.

1st Stanza.
Amazing way to start your poem hun! Really captures the attention of the reader and makes them want to read more. Your use of imagery here was flawless and your experimentation with new words just made this stanza shine.

"butterflies tickle her with hope; making her heart smile."
^I love how that made me feel. You took something many overuse in their poetry and you made it your own. Well done!

2nd Stanza.
Hmm okay too many his and hers here kinda got me confused. I had to read the stanza a couple of times to truly understand what youre trying to say and get the message you wanted to convey. This stanza needs a little bit of editing although it is really good. After the first stanza, which blew me away, this one really was just okay.

"Holding his hand potently, that lacks the safety he desires,"
^Okay I'm lost. She holds his hand that lacks the safety SHE desires or am I just understanding this wrong? Sorry I didnt get it...

3rd Stanza.
AHHHHH! WOW this just describes everything I went for in four lines. Wanting to declare your undying love for this person but scared of how they might react and if they truly love you too. You expressed this notion nicely my dear...flawless stanza. I could not find one thing wrong with it. Its hard to make stanzas flow with such long lines but this ones flow was flawless. I applaud you!

4th Stanza.
Love the ending! Soooo romantic!<3 Just making me smile like a person in love! You know that dopey smile that spreads across your face lol. Perfect way to end this wonderful piece hun. It was just flawless in expressing the desire these two have for each other and how they cannot pull away from one another. The title truly worked with the final stanza.

Loved this hun! I will nominated it. :]
Just read over the second stanza cause its kinda confusing.

Well done.
*5/5*

A Confused Heart Struggles To Write. (5)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-28

I loved the title! It really captured my attention and made me want to read the poem. Great job!

1st Stanza.
I loved this opening. It lured me in and made me curious how this poem was going to unfold. The imagery was right on and your choice of words brought everything to life.

"mind confused; no words come pouring out"
^I think the word "come" here is out of place and this sentence would flow better without it. It made the sentence shaky.

2nd Stanza.
I could relate with this stanza 100% So much emotion was just seeping through your words and I could truly feel what you were expressing. The pain felt real and I could tell this came straight from your heart.

"Attempt to write feelings results in failure"
^Hmmm this sentence doesnt flow well for me. I think it would sound better if it was "Attempting to write these feelings results in failure"

3rd Stanza:
Hmmm I dont know how I feel about this stanza. It was kind of like a weak closing and just repeating the same thing over and over. I did like the concept behind your words though. It was very unique, refreshing, and interesting to read so I applaud you on that. :]

Well done.
I really did enjoy it.
I could tell it came straight from the heart.
*5/5*

Show Me What Love is Like. (8)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-28

Great title! Caught my attention. :]

1st Stanza.
I loved your first line. It had so much hope in it from the beginning that I knew I was going to enjoy this piece. I loved the imagery painted in my mind with words like "oozing" and "fading" The way you expressed the light at the end of a dark time was flawless because when he go through hard times sometimes the light is masked and we cannot see it therefore we lose hope but you dont lose hope which is great. :]

"the sad thoughts that once overpowered my decisions-
are quickly fading away; optimism is becoming visible"
^I loved the truth and power behind you words. Eeverything felt so real.

2nd Stanza.
"It seems not too long ago I was hurting so much-"
^I dont like the use of "so much" here. It feels out of place next to your advanced vocabulary. It kind of dumbds down the poem and you dont wanna do that after such a powerful first stanza.

"I'm ready to love again, and give love another chance."
^The second love would sound better as it.

3rd Stanza.
I loved this stanza! Has to be the best in the poem and which made me love this piece so much! Lips desiring for his kiss, soul yearning for his love, oh boy how I can relate with that so easily. It all felt so real for me and made it that much more fun to read.

"Give me your love; I'll give you the same in return."
^I love the blunltness here. Sometimes its just that simple, you want to give your love to someone that will give you theres. So true....

4th Stanza.
I loved this ending! So much power behind your words that I was just left blown away. You could have not ended this better, it just completed the poem flawlessly. Show me what love is like! Beautiful.

"Desperately awaiting that day that I fall for you-
everything to fall into place, and be the way I expected."
^I dont like your use of fall here twice. Kinda weakens the opening.

Well done.
I loved it!
*5/5*

The Sky Is Falling (4)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-21

Tee hee. The title reminded me of Chicken Little which made me giggle. Okay sorry I have my lil fun, on to the poem! :]

1st Stanza.
I noticed how you writing was different here then it usually is. The style you used stood out to me and made me interested. Your descriptive words here blew me away and just flawlessly painted an imagine clearly in my mind. I just adored the last line...wow.

"now that's over; blindfolded, disorientated,"
^I don't know why this line stuck out to me. You choice of words were just so powerful and jumped off the screen and piereced into my mind.

2nd Stanza.
I read this two maybe three times. It was so amazing, left me speechless and blow me away. I loved the repitition, it just worked with your message and what you want to get across to the readers. It all just fit together flawlessly.

3rd Stanza.
Loved the ending! The repitition here was also flawless like before. You just closed this magnificent poem nicely and left me wanting more. I might have not comprehended the message completely but I know I will not forget this piece, its one of those that linger with the reader long after they finish rading. Flawless.

"untold fireworks of sentiments burn frozen bridges."
^I loved how this flowed off my tongue, it was beautiful.

Well done.
*5/5*

Sorrow Glistens in Darkened Eyes (8)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-07

The first things that stood out to me here was your flow was FLAWLESS!

1st Stanza.
"Streets of fallen stars" This was an amazing way to start the piece because it captured my attention and I could see what you were expressing me wanting me to read more and see where it would take me. The meaning here blow me away and the imagery you described was easy for me to imagine.

"wrists begin to bleed and hearts begin to fill with tar"
^Wow. Just love how you worded this.

2nd Stanza.
"A friend will decide to leave and a lover settles for another heart to capture"
^This truly touched my heart. WOW. Its so true! I've felt both, a betrayal by a close friend whom I trusted with everything and the person I loved not returning the favor. The truth here just blew me away and you worded it so beautifully.

3rd Stanza.
I loved your use of the word "monster" here. It created the image of something that destroys without caring about who or what it hurts in the way. Perfect way to express yourself with this one word making this stanza flawless and beautiful.

"Whispering truths that affection will soon prove false."
^This sounded so good when I read it out loud and it was refreshing to see because it was so different from what I usually read on here.

4th Stanza.
I loved the glimmer of hope at the end. It shows that something can be deeply corrupted but still can be reinvented into something more beautiful then it was before. I hope I anazlyed your meaning right but thats what I took from it.

Well done. You truly took this title and made it your own with your unique twist. I enjoyed this meaningful poem from beginning to end.

*5/5*

Floods of Tattoo Dreams (8)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-03

Ooh this title just captured my attention and I had to read it!

1st Stanza.
I just adored the first line here because it just lured me in with its flawless imagery and beauty behind words. I could the your heart damaged by this love you want to work but it seems to be one-sided. The part about hesitation touched my heart because I could relate with it immensly. LOVED your use of imagery here, it had me anxious to read more.

Though, given the circumstances of our drought,
I'm not surprised that you remain without tears.
^I loved how this flowed off my tongue. It seemed so effortless and held such power and meaning.

2nd Stanza.
Hmm this stanza I have mixed feelings about. Your choice of words were superb but it felt like you forced them in there. It didnt really flow you know? After reading the stanza a couple of times with pauses I do understand the full meaning behind it but after reading it once I was left.."huh" Maybe thats just me but I dont this stanza was iffy for me although your imagery was flawless.

3rd Stanza.
AHHH AMAZINGGG.

"But hey, you can always choke on your jagged words some more,
before swallowing becomes too hard because your lies
poked too many holes as they traveled down your throat."
^The image of this in my mind was flawlesssss. You described this so beautifully I was left ine awe! WOW. Noting left to say but I'm speechless.

4th Stanza.
The metaphorical writing here blew me away! Beautifully said my dear. Phrases like "life jacket" and "hollow socket" held such meaning. Loved it all from beginning to end.

The ending was perfect. Tied everything in flawless.

Well done my dear.
*5/5*

We Weren't Meant to Be. (10)
by Courageous Dreamer

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-01

1st. Stanza.
It seemed like you were saying the same thing in every sentence just with different words and the the synonoms you used seemed forced. It was kind of a weak opening so I know you can work on it and make it stronger. Just read over it and tap into your heart and I know you can do it.

2nd Stanza.
I loved the emotion here and the insight on how you think of him. Kinda like remembering how you felt and how its not like that anymore. You used "maybe" a little too much it threw off the flow for me.

3rd. Stanza
This whole stanza seemed awkward to me. Like I know what you were tyring to say but it didnt come out write and was worded weirdly.

"Those butterflies you gave me, no longer endure."
^That needs to be revised, I understand the meaning behind it but the way you worded it didnt make sense.

4th Stanza.
I like this stanza. Overall it was good and there would be nothing I would change to it,

5th Stanza.
The meaning and emotion behind this was great but I think you should reword it. Again the organization of the words didnt make sense. It was all over the place and didnt really flow.

6th Stanza
I loved this stanza. Perfect. Leave as is.

7th Stanza,
AMAZING ENDING. DO NOT CHANGE THIS. Very strong way to end it. Now if you open this strongly it would be amazing.

I was honest so I hope you dont take any offense to what I said. I say it because I know you can do better.

Breathing Requires Oxygen (9)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-07-08

I swear to you the title can be a poem itself. Wonderful.

1st Stanza.
that decides that it's a necessity to smother me.
^I didn't like your used of that twice here. It threw off the flow for me.
This stanza was so easy for me to relate with because when you part ways with a loved one, they are visibile in everyting you do and all that you see reminds you of them. You described this beautifully and had me curious to read more.

2nd Stanza.
Oh boy. Sometimes one heart is left fighting alone for a love they believe in and thats when you have to come to terms that its time to let go. Wow did I learn that the bad way and yeah it hurts but you tell yourself that the love you deserve is out there so why waste your love on someone that wont return the beauty. Blew me away with your words here.

" I scream again for us"
^I screamed too but my cries were left unheard. I could relate wholeheartedly with this line.

3rd Stanza.
I loved your words choice and flow in this stanza because it was different from the others and refreshing to read. The imagery was painted flawlessly and I could imagine it all clearly. Well done.

"or what remains of the acerbic smiles that still slumber anyway"
^Beautiful use of the word "acerbic" Flawless.

4th Stanza.
My fave stanza! It truly tied everything together nicely and prepared me as the reader for the climax. Your word choice here also blew me away and I loved that you tried different things with your style...it paid off.

"my eyes begin to itch, but not with the urgency of ineffective tears"
^They way you described this made MY eyes itch because it felt so real. Wow...

Last two lines:
Each word in these two lines was used perfectly to describe what you wanted to say throughout the whole poem. Perfect way to end this wonderful piece and bring it to a close leaving me wanted more of your words.

You work always finds a way to captivate me and I am eager to read new poems written by you.

Well done on this amazing piece.
*5/5*

I'll Break Yours If You Break Mine (1)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-29

Okay first off I loved the title. It captured my attention which is good :]

1st Stanza:
The flow here was flawless. Your rhymes came so naturally and didn't seem to be forced on fit. I loved the beginning two lines because they were so different and had me questioning how this poem would turn out.

"Simple stutters escape my ashen lips,
As I burn our lost good-byes."

^These last two lines of this stanza were heartbreaking and your described it so effortlessly. Your descripion and details was amazing in creating this scene "Simple stutters" and "ashen lips" were beautifil in expressing how you feel and I loved how it sounded when I read it out loud.

Second Stanza:
Wow that first line is so powerful and I could just feel what you were saying. Now that he is gone you no longer feel the inspiration to write again. Perfect transtition sentence from first stanza to second stanza. I loved how different this was from the first stanza because its filled with his haunting images and how you just can't let go. He's everywhere to you and you just can't break free. Been there felt that...

"I dent your heart but you break mine;
All that's left is apologies."
^Perfect ending. I loved the dent and break different because it was just described so beautifully.

I would not change one thing about this...everything was just perfect. Well done *5/5*

I'll Speak These Words and Whisper With My Eyes (2)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-24

I adored the title. It really captured my attention and had me wanting to read more.

1st Stanza.
Your opening line was captivating. I loved the use of the word "drench" because it was so powerful and fit in perfectly with what you were saying. I could feel longing you still possess for this person because you expressed it so beautifully making it easy to relate.

"But holding on just suffocates me more than letting go"
^Oh my I could just relate with this so nicely. I loved the use of the word "suffocate" because it gives me an image of not being able to survive holding on to a love that has soon departed. Beautifully heartbreaking.

2nd Stanza.
Powerful last two lines in this stanza. Very deep and full of meaning. I know the feeling of searching for a love with a hint of hope but can't find it in the distance.

"If only for a moment, I'd take the risk to love you."
^ Love is a like a risk huh? You never know what you're in store for but with some faith and a strong hold on reality you take the leap hoping for the best. Nice way of desribing it as a risk.

3rd Stanza.
You described the notion of letting you and how hard it really is beautifully here. Sometimes a love is so strong within your soul that the thought of life without them is horrific and saddening. You just have to remind yourself if this love has left you and you're the only one trying to hold on then it's not worth it. Forget what you want and think about what you deserve.

Well done on this piece. I could really feel the emotion which made it so much more real for me. *5/5*

Fractured Twilight Librettos (18)
by BrokenREALiTy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-23

Oh wow I am utterly blown away by this poem. Truly gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes because you expressed the emotions so beatifully. I swear to you this brought chills up and down my spine wanting me to read this again and again. I didn't even mind the length because I was truly captivated by your first line. The way you described the simple phone call blew me away in sheer awe. Your imagery was flawless and the words you used just hit me like 'boom'. This has to be by far the best poem I have read from you and that is saying a lot because I love everything you write. Wow I don't know why this poem got me so emotional but I guess I could relate in a weird way. You described each scene flawlessly and I am just going to stop rambling on.

Amazing poem you have here and I am going to nominate it for the weekly contest.

Well done *5/5*

Catching The Butterfly (6)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-22

Yay a love poem! :]

1st Stanza.
Beautiful opening stanza. It captivated me wanting to read more. Your word choice was exquisite and the rhythm you created throughout just flowed flawlessly and was effective in getting your message across. The way you described the sunset as antique was unique and painted a beautiful image in my mind.

2nd Stanza.
I liked how this stanza was different from the one before because it created a different rhythm and imagery. Your expression of beauty was flawless in the words you used truly conveying the emotions you felt.

"stellar dance upon lips,"
^ I loved how that sounded when I read it out loud while it just naturally flowed off my tongue.

3rd Stanza.
Aww beautiful way to end this flawess piece. I liked how this stanza was like the first because it contrasted nicely with your second stanza. I loved the imagery and the expression of your emotions. The last line just blew me away because it might be simple but I could tell it help an immense amount of meaning.

"darkness holds beauty of its own."
^Beautiful and unique line. It stood out to me the most even though each line was flawless.

Nicely written my dear.
Another wonderful love poem by you.
Please write more!
*5/5*
:]

A Love That's Void of Emotion (5)
by dollwithafrown

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-22

Any title that captures my attention like this one did deserves to be read. It was unique and a poem in itself. Now on to the poem.

1st Stanza.
Wow that first line was very unexpected. I thought it was going to be something cliche like "He looked me in the eyes and I melted" or something like that but "venom" wow that just caught me off guard ...and I liked it :]

2nd Stanza.
This stanza was different. It was as if you were telling a story where I could imagine the scene clearly in my mind. Your choice of words were nice here and refreshing to read.

3rd Stanza.
I loved this stanza! Has to be my fave so far. I liked the first two lines because it described your emotions nicely with the analogy. When you mentioned your desire to find a faith light that was beautitful because if you can find a light behind the darkest soul then that truly defys amazing and pureness.

4th Stanza.
"Should I tempt fate and really see if we survive"
^I just loved this line because it shined from the rest. I believe in taking risk and going for what you want and this line reminded me of that. Don't be scared of the consequences just do it or else you will live your life with a heart drowning in regret.

5th Stanza.
WOW. This ending was unexpected. I thank you for shocking me throughout this poem because I rarely see that on this site. Most of the poems I read are predictable and I can tell how they end but this one oh my it just blew me away.

Well done, I really am glad I read this.
*5/5*

I'll Let You Catch Me (8)
by Britt

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-18

New poem! You know I just had to read this one. I was hoping for something new by you and a love poem, okay I'm excited.

The title just captured my eye Britt and I was so curious to see how the poem played out.

"You've got this way about you that makes me small
But beautiful enough to fit into your warm hands
^Uhm can you say BEAUTIFUL!? Okay I just did lol. That was just flawless in how you worded each line. Such meaning and power seeped through my computer screen. Loved it.

"Your sweet charm embraces the cold in my eyes"
^Wow. Blew me away. I thought the two lines before that were amazing but oh my Britt you have left me in awe of this piece and I am shocked no one has commented it.

"The idea of fateful bliss weakens my soul
And maybe you're the reason I played those songs
I now know what it's like to feel that spark
Stealing photographed memories in your eyes"
^I couldn't find a fave line in this stanza because I loved the whole thing! Listening to love songs and thinking of the sweet memories are all signs of a new love. Beautifull expressed my dear.

"The overwhelming touch creates havoc in my heart"
^I loved your use of the word "havoc" here. It was really powerful and impacted the poem nicely.

"Surprising moments overloading on silent paper
And the pens gliding easily with sharpened words
Peaceful uniting bringing my heart at ease
While I continue to be lost in the pools of desire"
^The images you expressed with your use of words here was fllawless and I was left captivated. Amazinnggg!

The ending was soooo beautiful, I loved it! Don't be afraid to fall my dear Britt for you never know what happiness in love awaits you in his warm embrace. He better be nice to your heart lol. I could clearly see your emotions for this person are strong and it was obvious in your words.

Well done my dear.
*5/5*

Butterfly [With Identity Crisis] (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-06-16

Oh wow this was just amazing my dear. Your choice of words utterly blew me away leaving me speechless. The title was captivating making me curious to read on and be in awe of the poems beauty. You take poetry to such a different level that I feel as if I am entering another world while reading your work allowing me to escape my reality. The ending was just a flawless way to end and complete your poem because it left me breathless and wanting more of you sweet language and flawless flow.

Well done on this one.
Another wonderful write from you.
*5/5* as always.
:]

Questions I Can Never Ask (8)
by Dawn aka Dominique

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-25

Why can't you just make that thought like a fish and swim?
^That line just made me giggle hehehe

The poem as a whole was one I could relate with which made it easier for me to read. Great descriptions of emotions my dear. Well done.

Muse-ic To My Ears (10)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-22

Oh my you never cease to amaze me with the images you created with your words.

Well,
darkness never;
felt so inspiring.
^ I loved how this just captured my attention from the beginning and had me wanting to read more. One would not think there is inspiration in darkness but it seems as if youve found it.

Sympathy to your lips of wax,
Caution dazzles within eyes,
Muttering metaphors to twilight,
Tasting a hollow imagination.
^The way you placed your words in this stanza blew me away because it was unique and filled with imagery. I also loved how this stanza made me feel as if surreal.

Absorbing creativity to glitter,
Drifting tranced to beating door,
Inadequate to depart once again,
Oh contemptible translucent muse.
^Another beautiful stanza where your words just shined like the sun after a cloudy day. Very refreshing.

Blaze attire to particles of dust,
Clip cypress crown to never vanish,
Chant inspiration to rushing ears,
Grounded mutilated upon my shoulder.
^Wow I love how dark and haunting it was .. eery yet beautiful sending chills up and down my back. Maybe my fave stanza so far.

AMAZING ENDING. It tied everything in together so nicely and was a great way to complete your piece. Nice write as always my dear *5/5*

Sunrise Til Sunset (11)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-22

Ahh its so beautiful for me read such an amazing love poem by you because its usually dark. Oh my hun I just adored this piece and I have no idea where to begin ...

1st Stanza:
Beautiful opening eye. I could imagine everything so nicely in this stanza which delighted my eyes and spread a smile upon my lips.

"Unlike my favorite flower our love shall always bloom,"
^Loved this line. So unique and filled with such endless beauty that it blew me away.

2nd Stanza:
I didn't like your use of the word "arteries" I feel as if you created such a blissful atmosphore and that word sounded harsh when I read it out loud. Aside from that this was my fave stanza because you described everything so flawlessly. The imagery here blew me away.

3rd Stanza:
Your last line ... oh my it just left me in awe. You always know how to end poems with a bang and leave me wanting more and this was no exception. The wording was just amazing and the flow you created .. flawless.

Amazing piece my dear.
*5/5*

Pitter Patter (21)
by Sher

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-12

That was a beautidul way of describing children growing up and moving on to bigger and better things. I loved how you tied the beginning and ending with the title .. it was quite effective in getting your message across. The flow was flawless and as a whole the poem was a nice read. Well done *5/5*

Tinted Wings (7)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-10

Okay the title was just eye-catching and lured me in to read the poem which was great.

1st stanza:
I loved your beginning line .. the word "suck" was just used so amazingly that I would never think to use it in that way. Flawless. This stanza was just perfect in capturing me attention and making me eager to read more.

"Tampering the venom to poison her butterfly,"
^This line was written so flawlessly and naturally that I loved how it rolled off my tongue when I read it out loud. Each word fit nicely with the next and I was hooked to read more.

2nd Stanza:
"Sting" I LOVED that word. It just sounded so harsh when I read it aloud but thats what made it amazing because it fit the whole poem. Your word choice in this stanza was so meaninful and it seems you thoughfully picked each word which showed.

"Drowning eyes within your thundered embrace,"
^Loved this line! "drowing eyes" .. I could imagine that image so clearly in my mind so also "thundered embrace" .. I've never seen that phrase used before so I applaud you in trying something new and refreshing .. you pulled it off.

3rd Stanza:
I just adored you beginning line .. it was so attention grabbing and to the point without playing any games .. if that makes sense lol. Nonetheless I loved it. The imagery here was flawless and fit nicely with the mood

4th stanza:
Favorite stanza by far! Your beginning and last line were just flawlessly constructed and written beautifully. Your play with words here just blew me away with emotion and imagery. Wow. Nicely written my dear.

I just loved how different and enjoyable it was to read this piece because it wasnt like anything I usually read on this site so I am glad I read. Well done and I hope my comment was helpful. *5/5* from me :]

Even If You Don't, Pretend To Love Me For A Second (9)
by Melpomene

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-10

Loved the title .. as usual haha now on to the poem :]

1st Stanza:
Flawless use of imagery in your opening line. It just oozes perfection and compells me to read on. "Broken color of determination" -- that phrase just caught my eye because it was worded so nicely and made sense with the overall message in your piece.

"Embroidered firefly's prance become lost within painted hour,"
^UHM WOW. This line just blew me away no joke I will attemp to find words to describe how this made me feel but I probably will fall short. Each word fit so nicely with the next that when I read it outloud .. it sounded so beautiful and even had a tune .. no joke man it was amazing.

"Though if you dare to stumble rain drops are all you shall see."
^Wow another amazing line .. it just keeps getting better! I loved the meaning and truth you held behind this line .. very powerful and a joy to see.

2nd Stanza:
"daggers reach star hearts," -- I'm running out of words to described youre poetry because it is in a class all of its own. That line just blew me away and each word was powerful and just hit me hard which I enjoyed :] The second line in this stanza was flawless and the imagery just wow .. see I'm telling you my dear I am running out of words haha so please forgive me.

3rd Stanza:
You just know how to end your amazing poems with a BANG which just leaves me wanting moree of your words .. hope that doesnt sound weird haha. Yet again I am amazed by you use of words to create such a beautiful piece oh my it is time for me to stop rambling haha.

Another wonderful piece by you my dear and I truly enjoyed reading your work today. Well done *5/5* for sure!

Rise Against The Roadside (27)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-09

I love how the message is not clear here after initially reading it and it compellled me to read it again. The mood you created with your choice of words was flawless and nicely coexisted with your message and imagery. I could really feel the emotions you wished to protray .. they were deep, full of hurt and meaning. The style was different as was the topic which was refreshing to read because sometimes I get tried of reading the same thing day in and day out .. I love reading your word because it is so different and actually takes some thinking power to figure out .. I enjoy the imagery in this piece because it was so filled with sorrow and darkness that it just lured me out of my reality and transported me into another world. Well done my dear .. another amazing piece by you. *5/5*

Death in the dark (15)
by darkness king

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-06

Your use of imagery here just blew me away and the words you used to describe each dark and haunting scene was just flawlessly amazing. I think the flow could have been better but I enjoyed the rhyme scheme. Here are some minor mistakes I found that when fixed will make this poem just incredible.

moon light shines threw the windows place
^ I think you mean "through"

make a sound your sure to die
^ I think you mean "you're"

morning sun your no where in sight
^ Again "you're"

Well done. *5/5*

Beauty Has No Eyes; It's Nothing But A Smile (10)
by Britt

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-05

Oh boy Britt this was just amazing! Your choice of word just blew me away .. wow. I loved how the message wasn't clear after reading it once and I was compelled to read it again which revealed how amazing it truly is. The title just captured my attention and I wanted to read more which I am glad I did.

"your lips paint bruises on that empty canvas of my soul
begging to whisper away those selfish tears on your skin"

^These lines were so unique so beautiful and so refreshing to read that I am still left speechless and in awe. The imagery you created here was flawless and the way you grouped these words together was something others wouldnt think of doing but you pulled off so naturally and with ease.

Beautiful piece my dear .. keep writing!

Well done *5/5*

The Decoys' Muse [Lyrics] (8)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-04-01

The title really captured my attention and made me eager to read more .. I'm glad I did. Wonderful set of lyrics you have here .. I could really feel what you were saying which was great to read.

"Love is just a decoy, you've been its' muse"
^This was so unique and different that it was refreshing to see and read. I'm not sure why it stuck out to me so much from all the wonderful phrases you had throughout your piece but it just glowed off my computer screen and completed the poem for me. Each word just held such and immense amount of meaning behind it that without one of the words .. the whole lyrics would be off. [I hope that makes sense] I understand how you wanted the lyrics read and it made sense which was just great to read. Overall a great job as always. Well done *5/5*

Dear Mom, In Heaven (25)
by LARISSA is my name but call me jade

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-22

Oh my another emotional piece that came straight from your heart.

"I know it's been a while, sense we saw each other last."
^I think you mean "since"

I could really feel the saddness in your words and it truly brought out those emotions in me and my heart was aching while reading this. The way you told you story was inspirational because it shows that you never know what could happen and life is too short so live it. Well done *5/5*

Deathled by A Seas**t Seductress - Completely redone (3)
by Alex D

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-21

First off I love the title. It really captured my attention and compelled me to read more.

I liked how you started it with the imagery and the descriptions. It put me in this setting and made everything clear while I was reading.

"You planned to take my heart, because to break my hearts what you yearn"

^I didn't like this flow of this line. Something seemed off so I'm sure after reading it a coulple of times you can revise it.

"Trapped in this over-sized aquarium, of which you plan to take control
You want to leave me crushed in the wake, reduced to abiding in a fish bowl"

^The imagery and flow here was just flawless and you trule painted a picture.

My fave stanza has to be the second. It was filled with such flawless imagery and you described everything with great ease so that everyone can understand. It was as if you were telling a story and I enjoyed following along eager to find out how it ends.

"Youre plan is complete and you plan to snatch control from me"
^Simple mistake .. I think you mean "your"

I loved the ending. The mood you created with your words was just wonderful and fit everything perfectly. This piece was refreshing to read because it isnt like anything I have read on this site before so thank you for sharing.

Well done *5/5*

Immortal Death and Daisies (12)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-20

Your poems always have flawless imagery and stunning vocabulary .. truly blows me away how you can write an excellent each time with such words and images. I loved the title because of its imagery and it caught my eye compelling me to read on.

Your words took me out of my reality and threw me into this make believe world with death and daisies hahah. The way you put words together to make then flow and create scenes was flawless here and I was just blown away.

Well done *5/5*

Chain Me to Obscurity (9)
by NyellMoonlight

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-20

Oh boy this was amazing. Your work never ceases to blow me away. I bet you're getting tired of me saying flawless imagery and vocabulary but thats what makes you poems stand out and shine over the rest. You truly do have a way with words to turn and twist them into what you want to say and in no way does it seemed forced but flows naturally.

The meaning behind this was in no way simple and was so powerful .. profound. I love how different people can interpret this in different ways and its not so black and white. Each person can see themselves in this and take something back with them after reading and its truly a gift to impact everyone not just certain people.

Well done on this my dear. I truly enjoyed myself *5/5*

Under The Radar II (8)
by FridusBlueheaven

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-19

I could really feel the power and emotion here which made it an interesting read. I could tell you this came straight from the heart because it was so strong and meaningful. There were places where things didnt make sense and words didnt fit so try reading this one over and revise it a bit more. Well done

An Apple a Day Will Keep the Doctor Away (18)
by Cayce

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-19

Oh my I loved this! You took a topic many attempt to write about but miss it's meaning and you took in to another world where I could feel everything this young girl felt. The language you used was flawless and fit everything flawlessly. I thought the flow was great except for in the third stanza where you repeated "show" twice. That made me stumble while I was reading but I quickly picked up momentum from there because everything after that was just flawless.

I could tell this was well thought out and you worked hard for each detail and the final piece is just amazing. I cannot stop ravinng about it because it truly blew me away. I can't pick a fave part because it all just went together flawlessly.

Well done *5/5*

Falling Away (9)
by Beautiful Forever

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-19

Oh my this was truly amazing! The emotions were so deep and haunting that I got chills while reading this. Your choice of words here truly blew me away and I was left in awe. The flow was flawless and the thought behind it was real. You truly brought everything to life for me and I could clearly imagine everything clearly in my mind. The final stanza was flawless and a great way to end this amazing piece. Well done .. I truly enjoyed reading this dark and heartbreaking piece. *5/5*

In-Between [The World Beneath Us] (20)
by Normal is the Watchword

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-18

Whoa those were some deep lyrics. I, no joke, got goosebumps from this. You spoke the words of your heart so flawlessly and I could imagine everything you said so clearly. The title really captured my eye so I was curious to read and boy am I glad I did.

The flow in this was flawless. I could actually imagine this being sung ... while reading this I added my own melody which made it even more interesting for me to read.

You choose each word with such thought and detail that I could feel the hurt you felt when writing this. I have learned the best way to deal with any pain is to release either verbally to a loved one or through a flawless piece such as this.

Verse three has to be my fave by far because you truly captured me with your words. "Hands are shaking. I'm too cold" I felt the coldness you described. I am not sure why this poem effected me so deeply being that I am not in a sad mood. Usually I read sad pieces when I am sad and love pieces when I am happy but in this case the emotions were so strong .. I felt them even though I wasn't before [Okay I hope that made sense]

Overall a wonderful piece my dear. Take care and keep your head up.

Well done *5/5*

The Truth Was Embedded In Our Lies. (4)
by Stephy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-12

Oh my that last line hit me like BANG. I believe it was a perfect way to end your amazingly wonderful poem. Starting off with the title ... I was hooked. It captured my attention and urged me to read more and oh boy I was not disappointed ... this poem was so heartbreakingly sad yet filled with such courage ... oh I loved it!.

I love your beginning line because it puts me in a setting I'm familar with and you descibe it all so clearly its beautiful to imagine. I loved the band-aid part where you go " I need one no two no three..." I think that was brillant and I've never seen it done before which made it even more amazing.

The beginning line to your second stanza was flawless. I loved your word choice because it fit the mood perfectly and made eveerything flow flawlesly. I loved your use of "chaotic mess" Amazing combination of words that blew me away.

Again I just loved your last line. Flawless piece of poetry my dear. A well deserved *5/5*

You're A Misconception Made With All The Right Intentions. (4)
by Stephy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-12

I loved how you began and ended your piece the same way. It was effective in getting your message across and those last phrases really stick with the reader after they finish reading. I loved the style you choose to write in because it was unique and you master this stlye perfectly. Not once was I bored throughout this piece and I was left wanting more! I loved your beginning to the second stanza. It was the line in the piece that stuck out to me the most and completed the poem for me. The flow was flawless as always and the way you incorpirated the title into the poem was perfect. Well done *5/5*

Waking Alone Tomorrow Has Got To Be Better Than This (22)
by Britt

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-08

Uhm. Wow. That ending was amazing and just blew me away. The imagery you painted with your words was just flawless and brought the whole poem to life. You word choice was wonderful and the flow was perfect. I loved the style you wrote it ... you managed to make everything connect which was interesting to read. Your metaphors were unique and it refreshing to read something. The whole piece was heartbreaking but amazing to read. Well done my dear. *5/5*

Games Of The Heart (20)
by EssenceOfLace

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-07

Loved it! Short sweet and to the point yet filled with so much power and profound emotions. The flow was flawless and nothing seemed forced which made it more of a joy to read.

"Yet you still rip at the seems,"
^I think you mean "seams"

well done *5/5*

Playful Games, Strong Heart [Collab] (11)
by Zeenat

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-03-02

So basically this was amazing! I just loved how you lured me into your world after reading just one sentence. The Language you used was jusy wonderful and truly created some flawless imagery in my mind while I was reading. I did not mind the length at all because you kept my interest from beginning to end.

"Snuck under my guard; deceiving me with false hope of "Happily ever after." "
^this was just so beautiful and so true.

"You are dead petals falling from once a beautiful creation in my mind,"
^wow that just blew me away!

Well done *5/5*

You Cause Dizziness To Come In A New Form. (6)
by Stephy

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-02-24

Ouch with the last phrase. I thought it might have a happy ending .. well I was hopeful. Okay so basically I loved this. Seriously man. I thought your work couldn't get any better but this one just blew me away. I loved how you did something different .. it was quite refreshing and interesting to read. I was left wanting more .. I didnt even mind the length.

"my mouth tends to leap at the first chance to talk to you - even if it's only to state the obvious."
^oh my how deeply I can relate with that. You took something so simple that were constantly exerpiance and you expresed it soo beautifully. I applaud you.

The truth behind this poem was profound and maybe I understood it differently but it was overall a joy. Has to be one of the best you've written.

Well done *5/5*

*& thank you sososo much for your comment on my poem ... it means a lot. I poured my heart out and I'm glad to know it made sense hahah*

take care.

Butterfly Kisses (143)
by Gem

commented by AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2007-10-15

How beautiful! I couldnt help but smile all throughout the poem. The language you used was so sweet and the imagery you created was one I yearn to escape too.

One thing that kinda rubbed me wrong
"Pixies and fairies are all flying high
Scattering pixie dust over your head"

The use of the word pixie twice kinda threw off the flow.

Well done *5/5*

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