Comments : Break Its Chains

  • 14 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Dark but with hope at the end, that goodness will endure above all. Well done.

  • 14 years ago

    by Anthony M

    Overall a good write with some good metaphors.
    The message is very clear, and the feelings conveyed well.

    Just a couple of minor critiques; evilness reads a bit awkwardly in that sentence, though I figure you wanted it to rhyme with goodness in the following stanza, and reins should be reigns. The line; 'For an insurrection is sure to arrive so soon' also reads a little awkwardly and disrupts the flow a little bit.

    Just an example of one way to write that particular sentence another way that might flow easier; 'The inevitability of an insurrection looms'

    I enjoyed your poem nonetheless and it'll be fine if you decide to keep it just the way it is :)

  • 14 years ago

    by Jad

    You did a good job with showing how evil looms but still there is beauty and it can all be overcome and done away with. Excellent job.

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This world is a evil place at times youre right, but there is some beauty if we look hard for it. I loved the hope at the end. It was a nice ending to a dark poem.