This is dark, so terrifying! all i can say is wow so good, goosebumps!

This sent shivers down my spine. The duality of the poem reflects the duality of the speaker beautifully. Although a dark piece about someone in a very dark place there is a sort of innocent naivety about the speaker that makes it even more chilling. To be so out of control of your own mind and body that you have no idea what you have done or wheere you are must be terrifying and very confusing.

Separating the stanzas into two days also contributes to the confused perspective leaving the reader feeling almost lost within the speakers mind.

Another superb piece. :)

I have to say, I've found myself completely in love with your writing! I don't know why I haven't seen it before? I'm so glad that you participated in these past two weekly writing prompts! You definitely have a new fan! ;)

From the first stanza, you allow the reader to know that this person has many different identities within his own mind, he is confused and disoriented as to which one is truly himself. He is in a counseling room, feeling suffocated by the fact that he is trapped inside with all of these different emotions, but as to why he is still in the dark.

Your poem made me do a little research about the difference between Multiple Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia. I thought they were the same mental disorder with different names but they are not. Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that you are born with and experiences hallucinations and delusions, such as hearing voices. MPS is a mental disorder usually induced by something traumatic that happened during their life, most commonly during childhood, like physical/sexual abuse. They develop different personalities as a way of coping with the traumatic event. It was very interesting to read the differences between the two, so thanks for including your note at the bottom indicating this was inspired by MPS, as I would have just assumed Schizophrenia. I learned something new today. :)

Back to your poem...

I love how you used the different days back and forth, showing us what is happening in the present, how he is being evaluated at a psych ward/jail and he is confused and ultimately hates himself for what they are saying he has done, yet he can't truly remember that he did do it... and then the scenes of them together, in love, right before it happened. It absolutely breaks my heart to think about it.

Wednesday 4:17am August 2012:

You truly set a horrific scene here. He is back to 'himself' and he doesn't know where he is or what he has done. The room is dark, his hands are moist, the air feels heavy... and he realizes that he is standing in a pool of blood. He immediately is disgusted with himself, uncertain of anything.

Tuesday 7:10 pm August 2012:

The day before the tragedy. The love you portrayed is so beautiful. Ultimately, she makes him a better man. He knows that he can endure whatever is thrown is way as long as she is by his side. She makes him want to focus more on their future instead of his past. He feels like he can overcome it all, that one day he can even learn to love himself.

Wednesday 5:30am August 2012:

Back to the present. He is in chains in an interrogation room being questioned over and over again, but he still remains confused as he cannot remember committing the crime of killing the love his life. The policemen show him the evidence of his fingerprints at the scene and positively convict him of being guilty.

The last thing he remembers is embracing his lover in his arms and then it jumps to her laying lifeless inside of a body bag. There is still a huge black hole of how she got there.

Tuesday 8:39pm August 2012:

This stanza tore me apart because of the aftermath of what happened, right after he proposed to her. Ugh, my heart.

They sat down to a romantic candle-light dinner for the evening. He reminisces on how she was the only person who accepted him while the rest of the world shunned him for his disorder. She loved him unconditionally as he did her, so he knelt down on one knee, expecting to possibly recite a small speech, claiming his undying love for her and asking her to be his wife...but before he could say a word, she blurted out yes due to the excitement.

Wednesday 6:00am August 2012:

They take him to the morgue so that he can see her body, see what he has done. Her body is covered in bruises and airbrushed with blood. (Love the use of airbrushed here) The ring he gave her the night before still gleams on her finger, but her eyes no more show happiness but fear is frozen upon her face, forever. He can't deal with the amount of pain that he knows he caused her and now himself, tears begin to overcome him as well as black spots, he passes out from shock.

Friday 7:25 am November 2012:

It's a couple days after the tragedy, he awakens and is unsure of where he is, all he knows is that he is not home. He calls out for his love but she does not answer. He notices that he is surrounded by bars and handcuffs strap his wrists. A nurse walks in to provide him with his medication and he asks her if he can see his love, Vanessa. She slowly shakes her head, saying that Vanessa is gone, buried in a cemetery in Michigan.

He is unsure how to feel. People keep telling him that his life is made up of many different identities but he is still unable to find which one is the original, which one is truly him.

Great job! I truly enjoyed this tragically heartbreaking piece. I nominated it for the weekly contest, hope it wins. :)

Dynamic in every sense of the word. This poem is true to life in an intensely Stygian manner!

You brought to life this poem in such an authentic way, it's eerie; so sinister and hair-raising but at the same time bereaved in what seems to be a heartbreaking tail of murder and confusion.

Reading this I could genuinely believe that this happened, as if I was watching a movie or a fact based show about a murder and mistaken identities.

I've been reading your poetry for quite awhile now and this has got to be the most disturbing, dark, chill to the bone, strike terror in the readers eyes poem I've ever read by you.

It's like this came to you by some sort of ghostly entity telling you a story beyond the grave. I'm not sure how you came up with such a telling tail but you really have struck a chord with my soul. I have not many words for this piece but I will try to elaborate on it rather then rambling on about how vividly realistic it seems.

I truly loved the metaphor "as questions unanswered,
paper Mache, layers of stories untold."
It really grasped me, basically to me it's saying that this person, this man has many identities (obviously).
But he is uncertain of who he is which identity is truly himself and as he lives and grows older more of the paper mache that falls off; his true self is revealed to the ones around him, even if he can't seem to grasp what truly lies within him.

The use of regression, backtracking upon the previous day helps the reader get a deeper sense of the emotions this guy is feeling. How he doesn't understand what happened and why he is confused upon the end results of his personality disorder. I enjoyed how you went from past to present because it helped me envision the story of the poetry in a sense that was more clear in understanding what extreme identity disorders can possibly consist of.

The battle within him to find himself is really telling throughout this entire poem. The love/hate relationship he is trying to balance is beautifully written; no way is it vague, you give so much detailed emotion within your words and stanzas it helps the reader really see the war ranging within his mind, body, and soul.

Repeating the first stanza toward the end ensured the lapse of judgement and fright that this man feels. He is scared to death and is unclear about what lies within him. As the people around him know there is a monster lying within him he is in the unknown trying to find himself and try to understand why all of this is happening. Perhaps an underlining issue transpired when he was a child which caused him to have these extreme spills of unknown identities.

I also loved how you used a real cemetery, truly gave this poem a sense of realism.. Is this real? Maybe I don't want to know honestly, but you have outdone yourself here. I think you should win the contest and channel your inner dark-side more often.

5/5

Love your piece.It is unique!

Holy frag, where have you been on this site?

Judging Comment:

What a read this had been for me. A dark thriller
where emotions are bundled and picked apart
by everyone and everything around the person. Its
like seeing, feeling and experiencing these events
from inside out.

A psychological read that made me feel like I
was watching a movie. I also liked how the author
used day, time and month and separated the
events. Breaking up the story yet building it up to
the climax. I must say this has been the longest
poem I've read and was so very well written.

Heart rendering write...excellent!

How very brave. No matter the "condition" as if under interrogation lights of old, you stripped down to the place others of us refuse to accept, refuse to go, or refuse to talk about. Such bravery to type in each word and so clearly paint a picture to haunt our dreams. I could feel the sterile, impersonal, and cold surroundings throughout as a backdrop to your human condition. Life.