Comments : Internal Warfare

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This poem... Has a lot of stark feelings within it. The title captures well the poem itself.

    First: This stanza may be short but to me its very important. It sets up the poem well. It seems like with your eyes closed you cannot see what is going on, on the outside but you can see things on the inside. Standing still, too frozen to move? This line shows fear and driven to kill is great because it captures the readers attention.

    Second: This stanza is my favorite, it has so much emotion and passion. That fear is very real and grows stronger. Emotional pain is sometimes a lot worse than physical. This person aimed for your heart and pulled the trigger on your love. But it seems like you are so used to it that you don't feel the chill. Not a glimpse of shiver.

    Third: You are your own worst enemy. Which side of you will win? The side that is full of love and joy, or the side that you feel right now. The dark and sad side, that seems overwhelming. Nowadays it seems like a person is in a war with themselves. And I believe that is what you are saying here.

    Fourth: in this stanza I believe you meant change to be charge? But you are looking into a mirror trying to fight with yourself and trying to stay positive. I love the second line here because it shows real emotion and it shows the reader how much you fear.

    Ending: ugh this ending is beautiful. There is a twist you did not expect at all and you found your happiness or peace and you won the war. I loved this overall, the rhyming and choppy flow works well for me. I love the shortness of the lines and the message. Well done. 5/5

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      I appreciate your words :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Kris

    This poem says quite a bit in just a few lines. I love how at the beginning you know there is a gun and an enemy. Then you find out that the enemy is the person themselves and lack control of their own reality. The last stanza is a great way to end them poem because the person goes from being in terror to resting in peace in such a short amount of time.

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Judging Comment:

    A simple poem with simple words yet it carries a
    heavy weight of life and death. We all at some point
    or the other, undergo this war, a fight within weighing
    the consequences and doubts. What makes it even
    more scary is to face yourself in the mirror while
    this raging war is on.

    For a lot reflects from the inside leaving no mercy,
    no second thoughts but only proving the final
    result. Within this war just like any other war, there
    are doubts, there are what ifs and most of all there
    is fear.

    The coldest fear of the end. After all this inner
    debate the ending simply cuts straight to the heart.
    Ends are always a shocker!