Comments : My Shadow

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello,

    there is a sweet sadness which is accentuated by the refrain. I have seen refrains over used and they can be distracting - I know I have written them. You however have balanced them with clear descriptive language of unreachable love: a shadow that is always close, yet remains always out of reach. What a tease eh?

    Well done on this write. I liked it a lot.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 8 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I could so relate to this poem, and I think it was captured quite vividly how real a dream can seem when first awakening and how sad it can leave you when you come back to reality, especially if it has been about a lost loved one.

    Lovely layout and flow to this poem, I enjoyed the read, and I really like your collision of shadows and dreams.

  • 8 years ago

    by triston

    Your poetry is wonderful every word tugs at my very soul you my angel have a gift

    • 8 years ago

      by Rosamay

      Thank you, my love! <3

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Hi this is powerful and full of emotion

    My mind wanders,
    with his name on
    my heart.
    ^^
    I can imagine and even feel this mans name tattooed on your heart. The memories and the heartache he has caused.

    His beautiful voice
    clouds my thoughts,
    making me dance with
    the rhythm of my heart.
    ^^
    I can hear and feel the rhythm of your heart here but feel it's with,sadness.

    I scream out his name,
    only he doesn't hear
    from the distance that
    separates us.
    ^^
    The screaming of his name and the distance again brings with it sadness as you are trying to reach someone that you cannot.

    I desire his warmth,
    and his love.
    ^^
    We all have that desire of someone that we can't have and it hurts.

    I am in love with
    with a shadow that
    can easily disappear.
    ^^
    This is powerful as it seems like it's not a person anymore you are yearning but a thing with saying 'a shadow'..

    In my dreams
    I see him.
    ^^
    This brings me great sadness you are dreaming.

    I see his smile,
    and I can hear his
    sweet voice.
    ^^
    Why, why, why? When you cannot have it!!! :(

    I awake with tears,
    knowing it was only a
    dream.
    ^^
    I think this is very relatable. I bet many people have woken with tears because they have dreamt something so lovely to find it was only a dream.

    A dream that felt so real,
    and a dream that held my desires
    that I wish would become my reality.
    ^^
    As above.. What did I just say harsh reality and all that? It can really suck amd you put it out there big style :)

    I am in love with a shadow
    that I cannot see,
    a shadow that can easily disappear.
    ^^
    Yes, one that so easily disappears because life is so unfair!!

    He is my only love,
    and my only desire.

    My shadow...
    In my dreams.

    You write great.

    Em