Comments : Violence

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    A wonderful, enthralling piece by you.

    Sans the souls
    Bodies have scattered all around.
    It's raining of blood everywhere as
    The violence has crossed all margins
    Streets and roads have turned red.
    ^^
    Imagery here is amazing especially as you paint a dark picture so well and unfortunately this is happening far to often with bombings everywhere.

    Babies are crying in the wombs
    And so as the Mothers; whilst
    laying helplessly on the lanes
    Nobody is for nursing and care.
    ^^
    Babies crying in the womb I feel because they don't want to come out and enter into the horrible world we are creating recently, the mums dying because they fear for their children's life and the future they will have. I think when you say 'and so as mothers' you mean to say are mothers.

    People are running for their live.
    Shooting and bombing are echoing
    throughout the seven seas.
    And the mighty black smoke
    has eaten the sun's light.
    ^^
    A lot of this is happening nowadays. People fearing for their lives because of bombings and shootings. The image of the smoke eating the suns light is again amazing because that's where it's going to end up. In complete darkness with death all around.

    I'm crying alone in the dark
    Trembling with extreme dread
    Wondering which era is this!
    ^^
    A truly deep ending of sadness and fear from someone I feel could have been through this and yes, I often wonder what era we are in and when it'll all end.

    Great write, Em

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hi Augastus,

    I like this piece; there is depth and darkness that is appealing.

    There are some grammatical changes required and I'm happy to help if you would like.

    Either way, a nice piece.

    Take care,

    Michael