Diary Of A Sound Junkie

A blaring alarm wakes me, my head hasnt quite finished spinning but I know that it must be morning because I can see a ray of light piercing through a small hole in the blankets I carefully secured over each window. Every inch of my body screams with a slight soreness from the day before. But that doesnt matter, for the hunger has already grown so strong I can barely concentrate long enough to look around.

I stumble across the room for the fix my body is already anticipating with such growing intensity that my stomach is already in knots so tight that each step brings more nausea than the one before. Not that it matters though because despite how much my body protests each step my brain knows the reward thats only a few paces away now as I breathlessly make my way across my room.

My mind- still groggy and fuzzy from the eight hours I spent in a self-medicated coma. This body hasnt been able to get to sleep on its own in years, I never let the shaking frame I call my own go long enough without the intense stimulation I crave for this decaying shell to relax enough to drift asunder into the abyss of my subconscious that could only vaguely resemble what others have described to be their dreams. How lucky they are to dream.

Relief is so close- in my hand now. Im only moments away from pushing off, this dark and musty room wont surround me for much longer.

I prepare my body for the rush thats already so close every millisecond feels like a week.

Eyes closed, my hands are shaking so much I almost drop everything on the floor but I catch it all just in time.

I quickly shove an ear-bud in each ear, everything is soundless now- like im in the vacuum of outer space. . . . Only one step away from being catapult into the realm of gods and heroes. Isles of euphoria and pleasure that everyone is aware of, yet most are so caught up in their own lives that they never take the time to experience fully, or in some cases even take notice of at all.

I take one last fleeting breath, holding it as I jump off into the state of non-being I have been addicted to for so long. . . . 3. . . . 2. . . . 1. . . I push play.

Its been four seconds- but already I feel that familiar release. Each beat pushes into my skull with rapid succession, every sound pulsing with a ferocity not found easily these days in music, sounds like these are only found underground. I release my breath in order to fully absorb as much of this auditory stimulation as my mortal appendages can handle. How can sensations this amazing actually exist?!

Am I standing or lying unconscious on the floor? I cant even tell anymore, my vision is long gone. Chased off by vivid hallucinations of Martian landscapes and celestial noise reverberating through time and space. Every neurological sensor in my brain is firing with excitement so great that i must be causing irreparable damage to each tiny hair being bombarded in my ears by electrophonic sonic booms quickly imprinting upon my brain. Not that I can rationalize living long enough for it to matter anyway.

Nowhere is Everywhere and non-relevance is teaching me everything there is to know, can this be real?! Every twist and turn my deprogrammed delirium commands of me plunges me into paradoxal confusion so spontaneously illogical that i have learned not to question but to simply explore.

What approaches in the near distance? The spirit of fragmented fractals, handsome Ganymede rides on the swiftest of wings, bearing the perpetual chalice of pugnacious perplexities. Ready to explore the god-molecule entrapped within the oldest ripple of anti-matter, creatively unhinging the splintered fabrics of non-reality.

Every atom within my body swirls and vibrates with a fortified fury so epically gargantuan that I can tell my body temperature is increasing more and more wherever I must have left my biological encasing. How long have I left it discarded, abandoned, and disseminated? An hour? Two maybe? A week? Your guess is as good as mine.

Although, wherever it is I hope it is enjoying this hallucinogenic sabbatical at least a fraction as much as my mind. The earth beneath me grumbles, or is it above? Does it matter? No more than the last time I consumed food I decide as I skip down milky way galaxies and betwixt chameleon stars, being led by angelic super dwarfs to the councils of deathless gods long since forgotten. Each one bearing names rendered unpronounceable, in quantities innumerable and vastly irrelevant as the hands of every clock tick themselves into the company of oceanic obelisks comparable to the great Cthulhu himself.

I gaze out to suddenly see the complexity of every star and nebulae drain of color, snuffed out by a terrible catalyst invisible and deadly before the world comes flooding back around me. The music suddenly ceases as the last ray of light fades from the world beyond my secured windows and doors. The iPod I have still clutched between my fingers must have died, leaving me lethally disentwined. Left with only the fleeting sound of someone who isnt me within my brain- a solemn voice disembodied and menacing, saying: Welcome weary traveler, to the deepest depths of insanity. While a familiar pain pierces through my stomach, accompanied by the last beat of my heart. Releasing the music from within the song of my soul, lost- forever.