Dying in your Dreams...

by KeyxMashingxParody   Apr 20, 2007


Feeling the pressure coming over your cold flesh,
Picking at your soul and burning your every thought,
You cry a thousand tears.
No one can hear you...
Dying in your dreams.

Twisting and turning your thoughts begin to fade rapidly,
And your heart beats so quick you have to catch your breath,
You scream a deep note.
No one can see you...
Dying in your dreams.

Lying in insanity, while spirits soak your clothes in ash,
Slowly waking your mind from it's eternity in jail,
As you breath a quick breath.
No one can feel you...
Dying in your dreams.

Screaming in your thoughts and living in your dreams,
You run towards a light to have it disappear instantly,
You stare with no regret.
No one can touch you...
Dying in your dreams.

The nightmare suffocates you as you gasp for breath,
Feeling each heart beat with pain and heart ache,
You panic with no remorse.
No one can help you...
Dying in your dreams.

You slowly fade like the light you once saw there,
In that place so faint in your deep thoughts,
You leave with no return.
You awake from slumber...
You've survived your dreams...See you tonight....

-Liz-

(I really haven't done an eary, creepy poem, I thought this one would be good to post. ^-^ enjoy)
~muahs to all~

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Rose not your average

    This was a creep poem but i really liked it! i could like see it in my mind it has a great flow! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by CEE CEE

    WOW I LOVE IT IT IS SCARY AS HELL BUT I LOVE IT I MEAN THE WHOLE TIME I WAS READIN IT I WAS PICTURING ME DYIN IN MY DREAM TRYIN TO BREATH AND WOW IT WAS SO REAL SO I LOVE IT KEEP IT UP

  • 17 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    Hey,
    i really liked this poem, i thought it was dark and quite creepy. I really liked the repition youve used , especially in the secound to last line of each stana while you changes one word;
    "No one can [WORD] you...
    Dying in your dreams."

    ^ I loved that, it really helps the poem seem even more creepy and dark. The flow of the poem was great. I loved the begining of the poem, it had a great flow and your vocabulary usage was quite dark and yet very discriptive. The very last stanza... well i dont know it just doesnt seem right. i mean you have seemed to of lost all of your darkness you had in the poem. Maybe if you turned it into a question or soemthing.
    "You survived these dreams...
    But will you survive tonight?"

    Or soemthing like that? i odnt know it just seems to of lost its creepiness, and i knwo your trying to bringe it back with "See you tonight...." but it just doesnt seem to work for me. I dont know... But stilla good read! Keep writing! xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Startle Me

    You're right.
    It is a poem to post.
    Although...
    The flow is weak.
    It would be better
    If you space it out a bit more.
    For example:
    Feeling the pressure coming over your cold flesh,
    Picking at your soul and burning your every thought,
    You should have it as
    Feeling the pressure
    coming over your cold flesh,
    Picking at your soul
    and burning your every thought,
    It's not just a different.
    It's where your readers pause.

  • 17 years ago

    by Vanessa

    One of the best poems I have ever read. It left me sppechless for like a whole minute. You did a fantasic job.10/10

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