Comments : The Broken Streetlight and Their Balloon

  • 10 years ago

    by Sigoney Holder

    Wow. Cleverly written.

  • 10 years ago

    by Narph

    Judging Comment:

    This poet is unburdened by complicated language, it's a breath of fresh air. It's almost written like a story, the details ("down the sides of our cardboard box home and into the empty turtle shells of our pets we couldn't afford to feed,") serving to express who the characters are, their morals, their expectations. They find joy in the simplest things, even the things that don't exist, such as their imaginary jobs, their imaginary marker, etc. Reading this piece just makes me happy. Clever ideas, such as having a book as a roof so you can "read each other to sleep every night" are probably a hint at what this poet can do.
    The last stanza is by far my favorite, it shows how free these characters are, how happy they are with having nothing but each other and their imagination. My only suggestion on this poem is to fix the few run-on lines with some line breaks, but otherwise, great job!

    • 10 years ago

      by Smaccams

      Thank you for your comment! - they're only rare for me.

      I had written this towards a loved one, expressing myself quickly and cleanly as the words came out from my pen. I am delighted to see how you understand the meaning of the two people enjoying the simplest things in life, even if they're not there! This piece could have easily confused someone, I felt, due to it's rather cheesy sentences.

      Then again, I guess I shall change the run-on lines - they too actually annoyed me while writing and reading out the poem at first. So it's great to have some assurance to change it, as I wasn't so sure. Thanks once again!