Comments : Consequences (syntuit)

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Larry,

    another insightful syntuit. Dogs in your back yard could be taken two ways; literally and metaphorically. Dogs that roam free do have a tendency to foul anywhere and everywhere. Stepping in their mess is unpleasant and despite some saying it's 'lucky' somehow, luck is not the feeling that's usually felt.

    Here in Britain it's against the law to allow your dog to foul, and yet it still continues. The other day a local resident trying to make a point sprayed all the offending mess blue. He then place a notice up letting walkers know exactly how many times he'd sprayed. The count was over 100 on a relative short stretch of coastal path! I guess shaming people into doing the right thing may work, but there are always a few who just don't care. Going slightly off topic, what annoys me is, groups of people going to a beautiful park for a picnic, enjoying themselves and then just leaving their litter strewn everywhere! Surely they went there because it's beautiful, not because it's renowned for its wonderful litter displays!

    .........

    The metaphoric meaning of the poem could be a deeper one? It could refer to a darker section of human culture: terrorism perhaps? Terrorists live in many of our towns, streets; they could even live next door! Your message is important, 'you watch where you step' in other words, we all have to be vigilant and notice anything not quite right. If in doubt report it!

    Larry, I know this form is yours, but I do have just one small suggestion, in the last line the word 'you' is used twice. If you used this suggestion, I feel it may improve the overall flow:

    It's east to tell
    that you've dogs in your back yard:
    watch out where you step

    Or my favourite as an alternative based on my noted experience above:

    No need for directions (syntuit)

    It's easy to tell
    that you've dogs in your back yard;
    follow the blue trail

    Thank you Larry for posting this little gem. It shows that with this type of form there's more than meets the eye.

    Take care out there.

    Michael

    • 7 years ago

      by Larry Chamberlin

      On yet another divergent track, I grew up city-rural: on the edge of a city but surrounded by farmland.
      I cannot tell you how many pick-up baseball games we played in cow fields where the bases were dried cow paddies. Sliding into base took on a whole new meaning if the paddies were not as dried as expected.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Larry,

    I have dogs and - despite always reminding myself to clear as they go - their mess has a habit of accumulating in the garden. Unfortunately, I have repeatedly felt that dreadful squishy feeling underfoot that seems to travel from your shoes and up your leg!
    However, I am not one of those who leaves it in the park and cares not a whit about a child slide tackling their friend in a game of football and coming up smeared in muck...

    SL