Comments

Cindy ( F P C D ) at 2009-11-05

What a wonderful place you have painted with your words :)
Good job!
Take care
Cindy

Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) at 2009-11-06

This is a masterpiece and I am going to nominate it for the weekly contest

Rainbow Dancing ( F P C D ) at 2009-11-06

It is truly a masterpiece. Your talents just blow my mind. You are the master of words. Excellent

Ray Smallshaw ( F P C D ) at 2009-11-11

A dream or heaven Eh!
I really enjoyed this fresh breath of an air if you will pardon the pun, it took me on your incredible journey as usual yet another piece of your great poetry, with an easy meter and well balanced flow, glad you didn't make to dream like as it would have lost it for me. I would of preferred the Black stallion I use to ride in my youth called Trampus, perhaps one day I will write a story about him I still have several of his bite scars ha! ha! See you got me thinking an excellent poem 5/5 and a vote for this weeks competition. Ray S

Musicality ( F P C D ) at 2009-11-12

This is a magnificent poem. I adored it's execution. In all reality, there are only a few minor things- I'll point out- but ultimately everything is up to you.



The light from the sun is red in my closed eyes.(remove the is)


I look down from the mountain,
And see as far the clear skies allow.(remove the and)
All is patches of green, and brown,
And waters run dark and blue.(remove the and)

I look back upon my path behind me.
I didn't realize how long my journey was.
The cuts on my hands, and bruises on my legs,
Bring me a great relief to finally get to this place.(remove a)

I hear the winds move and dance around me,
And the clouds across the valley wait.
Earth sounds are so far away from me,
And all I hear is the sky, and my own heart.(remove the and it's an extra, and redundant in this line)


No water, no rest, and no relief from the aches,(remove the)

And it barely comes to light in my mind.(remove or replace and)




And nights will be warm, peaceful, sleeps.(remove and)


And my heart will never stop.(remove and)


-good work,

Music

Mr Rhee ( F P C ) at 2009-11-12

Understood about the "ands." I've considered a few changes. I was wondering if anyone else felt the same. I think I'll keep a few of those other items in though. Still, thank you for confirming my thoughts. Greatly appreciated.

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