Comments : Infinite serenade

  • 12 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Now you have great metaphors, they're not overdone or outrageous. Excellent word choice, great flow and super theme.

  • 12 years ago

    by my blue eyes cry

    Another great piece of art! Great work!

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    The night serenades cataclysmic
    upon ebony lips of a tribal goddess

    ^Beautiful piece of imagery here, my favourite part of the entire poem! :)

    Life is, an accolade opera
    with soubrette ballets
    of effulgent smiles
    and clarion laughters

    ^But then again, this was absolutely amazing, so basically...
    I love the whole poem so damn much.
    It was so beautiful worded, the imagery was pure magic, You are just so talented.
    Loved it!

    Love
    Tara
    xx

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    The title is really eye-catching and the poem itself kept pulling me in more and more. I liked your choice of words though I wasn't familiar with everything, which I just looked up then. Your descriptive words definately paint a vivid image.

  • 12 years ago

    by Pink Butterfly

    Bravo!!! This is superb... A well done piece indeed. God bless you!

  • 12 years ago

    by Jess

    Beautiful Poem!(:
    I Enjoyed Reading It:)
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    You write with such decription and power! faultless

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Life is, an infinite summer
    A spread of wheat and hay
    over saffron meadows

    -I don't know what you meant, here, actually. 'an infinite Summer' refers to happiness? warmth? shelter? or sweat and hard work? Perhaps you meant to talk about nature at summer, how it is just calm and free of all those ups and downs, but if you meant to say that then I'm not agreeing because life isn't calm at all, well I see that is good because lots of meanings just popped up in my head =]

    -However, I loved the second line
    'a spread of wheat and hay' is sooo mature, you seem to really know what life is all about, yes it is a spread of wheat and hay.

    'My mother nature'

    ^

    I wouldn't say it as it is now, 'Mother Nature' without the 'my' and with capitalized first letters would flow much better.

    'gazes with tarsier eyes
    as she brushes her hands
    with chromatic spectrum
    over besotted horizons'

    The first line is so true, I could perfectly imagine it, great metaphor, but the use of 'she' wasn't appropriate, nature doesn't brush 'HER' hands, maybe with her hands? It would sound right. I'd make the second line: 'brushing with its hands'
    I don't know, just my thought, anyway.
    'chromatic spectrum' < hmmm, I may...may know what you wanted to say here, maybe colorfulness? contrast? I love your thoughts, they aren't really new, yet you could bring it up in an original way, I'd never get to imagine that contrast in life could be likened to spectrum. Still I guess 'chromatic' isn't really needed and just a filler, as long as you have 'spectrum' :)

    'besotted horizons' is just as creative as I never could anticipate! I seriously feel in love with this simile. I don't have now time to read the whole poem, I'm sorry, I promise I'll be back soon to read it all.
    Be pending. ;)

  • 12 years ago

    by Exostosis

    @The Poetess

    By infinite summer I simply meant a never ending summer. Nothing too complex.

    My mother nature was written to relate to the nature. "My" is use to deepen the relation the author has with the nature.

    Chromatic spectrum - The breaking up of white light into a spectrum of seven colors. And by brushing I meant, mother nature spreads the spectrum of colors across the horizon with her hands or paints the horizon with a spectrum of colors, it depends upon how the user interprets the data.

    And take your time =)

  • 12 years ago

    by Exostosis

    I believe semantics is subjective, plus gender reference differs with language. Her hands is fine I guess. No offense.

  • 12 years ago

    by Exostosis

    I will consider your suggestion ^^,

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    I'm grateful you explained to me what you meant in the first two lines. :)

    In my language, we say 'her' for nature, yet in English, we cannot, you can make a debate about that in the forums, in the poetry questions section, if you want, I am sure, it should be 'it' ;) Yet it is all your poem and you decide, I just felt this piece is impressive and should be paid attention to, so that I'm here to suggest.

    'Mother Nature'

    ^saying 'mother' would suffice deepening the relation between the author and nature, in my opinion, without the 'my', it just sounds like a filler only to me.

    Summer has lots of meanings, what exactly did you mean by it? =/ if you meant endless happiness, then I guess that's wrong, because life isn't all about endless happiness or endless warmth or endless calmness or whatever, but if it was from the prespective of an optimistic person, it makes more sense, I don't know.

    Nice poem, will come up with the rest soon.

  • 12 years ago

    by Exostosis

    By summer, I simply meant the season of summer, you know long days and short nights. The weather, the mood, etc. Everything related to summer.

    Each to his own. Every reader interprets the data according to his/her own experiences and thought patterns. Thus, summer can mean whatever you want for it to mean.

    You are free to make suggestions =)

    Explaining the entire poem will only give you a perspective of my thinking. You may not relate to the poem in the same way as me or others.

  • 12 years ago

    by yogi73

    Great word choice. very descriptive

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    So much has already been said about this piece, I can say nothing more than I love it and you have done a magnificent job. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Aubrey

    This so pretty....I love how you view the world....and how you described it was beautifully written....great poem:)