Comments : Life's Golden Dream

  • 9 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    First of all, thank you Cassie for joining my challenge!

    Golden summer sun that lights the skies
    with never ending hues,
    will cast no shadow over all loves dreams.
    ^^
    Beautiful description of the setting - truly does this image justice! I love the way you have incorporated the place of dreams - it takes the reader into an inner journey with you.

    Breezes fingers rustling through the leaves
    of life's green trees
    in soft caress, will soothe away dark schemes.
    ^^
    I love the usage of metaphors here as well as the personification of the tree it builds character and I love this last line of soothing away the darkness - so powerful!

    Within this worlds cocoon we'll rest in hope
    for never ending peace
    and quiet, for our lonely aching hearts.
    ^^
    I love the word cocoon here - truly is an impactful statement and an interesting way to view the world - such saddness is covered in this stanza - with aching hearts and this lack of piece I like this sense of waiting as it is a great deeper story behind the artwork.

    And raise our eyes at last to really see
    the wonder that surrounds
    us, green and golden in it's work's of art.
    ^^
    Here is the essence of hope I love the choice of words you have composed here as well as the descriptions of the colours!

    A dream.
    A fantasy.
    ^^
    I like this technique of short lines - short, sweet and succinct - power underlines the words!

    A wish is all this is, yet when we hope
    with heart and soul
    who knows which Gods will listen and comply.
    A hope.
    A reverie.
    A longing felt so deep within our souls
    that if we do not
    listen, we will fade away and slowly die.
    ^^
    Great way to express the tree's inner thoughts and fears - reading this many times I have come to sympathise with the tree and the emotions leaking out of fears and un ending hopes - the essence of waiting for something, a change, peace, growth and the continuity of life - such deep thoughts brought to this piece so smoothly and naturally!

    Golden summer sun that lights the skies
    with never ending hues.
    ^^
    Like this technique of repeating the first line of the poem - allows the reader to reflect and the ideas are highlighted here!

    You shine for all until the breaking of the world.
    ^^
    Amazing line! favourite part in the whole piece!

    Help us bloom in love and wonder, ever here
    beneath your sweet caress,
    we stand with boughs outstretched, our leaves unfurled
    ^^
    Amazing finish!

    5/5