Comments : When You're Down

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hi there,

    Just stumbled upon this...

    When you're down
    and you want to get high
    just take a good look up in the sky
    ^
    Nice structure, beat and rhyme too.

    what you will see
    are the stars above
    and all you need
    is to know your love
    ^
    I like the imagery - a dark sky full of stars with hidden meaning.

    who you will find
    and see so clear
    are friends in mind
    you want to hold near
    ^
    The meaning is spelled out here - dear friends and loved ones. Again, nice rhyme.

    every friend you have
    owns a star
    and you can see them
    no matter how far
    ^
    Yes, this speaks of hope and being able to remember people by looking at their star.

    so when ever you need them
    just look up high
    call their name
    and see them fly
    ^
    Shooting stars. What a lovely image - it is like they are sending out a message.

    when you're down
    and you want to get high
    just take a good look
    ^
    A finishing thought - don't miss me, I am up there if you just want to look.

    Good work, nice rhyme and energy throughout. More than this though, it has a purpose to lift a person's emotions and give hope. Poetry, in my mind should do this and cause an emotional spark in someone. This one did - thank you.

    Michael

    • 8 years ago

      by jakobe wolf

      Thank you very much! I just submitted this poem, however, I wrote it about five years ago. I was about 13 at the time. thank you for the Praise!

      Jakobe Wolf