Comments : Heartbreak Ridge (Extended sonnet)

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Gel/Michael this is a wonderful piece.

    1/ Here I see a devastated woman trying to run away from her troubled but no matter how far she runs she cannot escape the clawing of the dark monsters in her head so she just goes to a place she can be alone and cry with no judgment.

    2/ Through her tear filled eyes she met a handsome fellow and though she had probably been hurt in some way his kind gesture melted her icy heart because he was a good, honest man.. Now, where can I find one of those lol (joking)

    3/ Here we have a turn in fate (and when I thought it was going so well too lol) because she takes a wrong turning to find his grave, now does that mean this gentleman was just a dream, or is he really a lost soul still trying to reach home but still helping those in need??
    A white gravestone makes me feel he is a veteran.. I don't know, just overthinking lol

    4/ Wow, so now I'm wondering if she was the maid he was fighting for because of the beginning stanza or was he fighting for another when he died then came across this other lady? I am guessing he is a ghost just trying to comfort he . It shows he wasn't a veteran as I thought though

    5/ I imagine this woman running, screaming and then when she reached the place she was going to getting on her knees and again screaming how could this be... Then looking upto the skies and the skies calling her name, telling her what to do to be truly happy and free and that's to jump to her death to be with her love.

    Couplet/ This is a beautiful though sad ending because she took jumped from this place they had probably no doubt been many times taking the leap of faith and love to be with her love in the skies above even if it meant she had made the ultimate sacrifice by dying.

    Wow, perfect.
    Em

    Will receive my nomination tomorrow

    • 7 years ago

      by Mr. Darcy

      Thank you, Em, for this lovely full comment. I think this must have taken you longer to write than this poem itself! lol

  • 7 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Edited:typo error

    Hi Em,

    thanks for this wonderful comment. .. I love your way of commenting a piece , you really have a talent on digging. .lol Your attention to details is quite remarkable. ..Thanks. .. And to Sir Michael nice working with you. .. no pressure ...

    Gel

    • 7 years ago

      by Mr. Darcy

      I just love your imagination, it made writing with you a breeze. Thank you.

      BTW - you may want to loo at your comment here too Em (aka - email!)

  • 7 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Gel / mr darcy,
    What a wonderful piece.. the flow is fantastic :) well done.

    I can not give any hugher praise than a 5 and a nomination..

    • 7 years ago

      by Mr. Darcy

      Thank you, Deeply. I'll share 2.5 with Gel - right down the middle.

  • 7 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Naomi,

    Thank you for the comment and havin' time redin' this.
    Basically, when I write, I go straight to the point and it lessens the thrill...
    Sir Michael added a flavour and acumen to this one, he polished it and made my imagination clearer for the readers.
    Tadaaahhh ....A sonnet for all of you.

    Again Thanks

    Gel

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Gel, Michael, this is fantastic.
    Nobody knows more than Michael and I how difficult sonnets are to write - let alone when collaborating! You really have done fantastically well, especially considering (I believe) this is Gel's first attempt.

    All the best,

    Ben

  • 7 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Dear Mr. Pickard,

    As I read your comment I nodded along and a devilish smile painted on my lips...hehe hehe

    Credit to sir Michael...yknow? with the help of a PRO, nothing is impossible...and if you're jealous, we can collaborate too hahaha kidding..

    Thanks
    Gel

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    No, Gel, I'd love to sometime.

  • 7 years ago

    by Brenda

    Gel and Michael, Wow! Super nice collaboration and a sonnet to boot-you two rocked it out! Well done-BTW, loved the story line-

  • 7 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Brenda,

    Thank you very much and I'm glad you love it...

    hugs..

    Gel

  • 7 years ago

    by Augustus Black

    Hello, Sir.

    I think this story holds great attention and beauty on many levels, because you have portrayed the faith of love in a very graceful way. I like reading this one, specially I like that appealing ending. This job shows how well you have a control over the words and sentences. Love can do anything to anyone, anywhere.

    Excellent Sonnet from both the talented writer.

    Best of luck to both of you for the contest.