Submission date : 2009-01-02
Last edit : 2009-06-14
simplyfrigid ( F P C D )
"Cleanliness is next to godliness and God is love"
[Cleanliness is next to godliness, God is love]
- I think that 'and' takes away from the beauty and purity of this stanza.
"To cleanse the lowly earth and the sins of us all"
[To cleanse the lowly earth, the sins of us all]
- Once again, I think and takes away from the line. It still makes sense this way, so why not have it flow better, sound better, and look better? (:
"Are the storms that deliver of a major element of life"
- This doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you meant 'deliverer of' But then you would have to rearrange the line to fit that TINY change and it wouldn't work out. I'd suggest removing 'of' after deliver to give you 'deliver a major element of life'
"There can be no life on earth without order and cleanliness
There can be no life in heaven without the order of godliness"
- These lines are well written, I enjoy them. A suggestion though would be to change the second line. It's only if you feel the need. I'd like it either way to be honest. But, it came to mind so I must write it down. Remember though, EITHER WAY the lines are amazingly written.
Second line change: "Nor any life in heaven without the order of godliness."
- Another thing. I'm not sure of, I may be wrong. But should godliness be capitalized? Considering that you're referring to God which means Godliness, correct? I might be wrong, just a suggestion type thing.
I've always been a Christian, a strong believer in God. Following his word and going to church has been my struggle though. Not so much following his word, I was raised right so that's quite easy for me to do. Certain things are hard to follow, like going to church. I don't at all anymore. That makes my house dirty, doesn't it? Maybe your poetry is my rain? It helps me realize a lot of things. Even if I already know them it brings them back to realization.
Your poetry will touch the hearts of many. I promise you that.
Randy East ( F P C D )
Another one of yours I totally dig.
Have you found this company yet.
Everybody that Ive ever met that pushes this little company just for its service or even for its business opportunity. They are all glass if half full slash overflowing type of individuals. I think I was fated to find this company. I I would feel short of happy with myself If I didnt at least let you know about it.
paste this. And God Bless