Envious Love

by cassie hughes   Aug 31, 2014


Envy burns with flames of green,
licking around the coal black pupil
of my rivals eyes.
I smile
Mine.
I mouth the word so she alone can see
and watch as longing leeches all the
colour from her face.
I turn,
and claim the lips she wishes hers alone.
The prick of thorns
upon my neck,
vibrant in their lively, aching touch
wakes dormant fears.
Mine.
I shake my head.
Not hers to take, however young
and lithe she seems.
No washed out greying corpse am I.
Not yet.
I still have life to spare,
tho' green buds
will no longer shoot within this frame.
Not all is black and white,
nor does the verdant
colour always signify
the best life has to give.
I smile.
My love is strong and true
and pity flows for she who
coverts all I here hold close.
Mine.
The emerald of her eyes begins to fade
as in her heart
she understands at last
the truth.

Written for a weekly challenge, prompt but not sure if I met it -
'Imagine that you woke up one morning completely color blind, only able to see in black and white. However, you had the option to choose ONE color to add to your vision. What color would it be and why?'

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    Firstly I would like to say Cassie, I love it! and I believe you met it with flying colours!

    Envy burns with flames of green,
    licking around the coal black pupil
    of my rivals eyes.
    I smile
    Mine.
    ^^
    I love the way you opened up your poem you immediately captured the reader in the colour you have chosen! I love the description of your first two lines - Envy burns with flames of green,
    licking around the coal black pupil - so vivid in your descriptions, I agree with Hannah I can see it so clearly.
    I also believe that your use of I smile and mine are so impactful - draws the reader into your creative world!

    I mouth the word so she alone can see
    and watch as longing leeches all the
    colour from her face.
    ^^
    Wow I love the word choice of leeches - such an amazing and appropriate metaphor to use here!

    I turn,
    and claim the lips she wishes hers alone.
    The prick of thorns
    upon my neck,
    vibrant in their lively, aching touch
    wakes dormant fears.
    Mine.
    ^^
    Wow I really feel the torment of envy here! So deeply embedded and powerful. I like how you repeated the word mine! It displays your characters inner thoughts and feelings making this poem so much more stronger!

    I shake my head.
    Not hers to take, however young
    and lithe she seems.
    No washed out greying corpse am I.
    Not yet.
    I still have life to spare,
    tho' green buds
    will no longer shoot within this frame.
    Not all is black and white,
    nor does the verdant
    colour always signify
    the best life has to give.
    I smile.
    ^^
    You have truly illustrated the outline of your character here, their strength seeps into your excellent word choice. I love it Cassie!

    My love is strong and true
    and pity flows for she who
    coverts all I here hold close.
    Mine.
    The emerald of her eyes begins to fade
    as in her heart
    she understands at last
    the truth
    ^^
    A very captivating finish, so breath taking, I read this poem so many times and still it held the same effect! I like the use of - the emerald of her eyes begin to fade - as she understands the truth - so heart breaking and beautifully penned!

    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I really like your play on 'green with envy'. I can truly see her eyes burning with envy as she watches the two of you together, wishing that she was the one with your mate. You smile and mouth "mine" to her, claiming your territory. You kiss them right in front of her just to make her even more envious. I like the usage of 'prick of thorns upon my neck', it really brings out the idea that she is shooting daggers at you with her eyes. She may be young and slender but that doesn't mean she can take what is yours. You smile knowing that the love you share is true and soon after, you notice that the envy she once held within her eyes is fading, she understands that what's yours is yours.

    I really like the repetition of 'mine' throughout, it really shows how when we are in relationships, we do get a little possessive, especially when someone comes along and is
    trying to take what is ours. Sometimes you just got to stand up and claim your territory! lol

    Nice job, Cassie.

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