I'm Not Strong

by Kakera   Sep 17, 2014


2014-09-17

With words of hope and peace
she promised me benevolent empires,
a place of a constant sense of belonging
that won't crumble like dust and sand when stamped on:
Sanctuaries with walls reaching the sky,
and somewhere for me to finally get some rest.

O words are but a hollow refuge.
I've abandoned all my magic already, after all.
My magic couldn't save me from myself,
nor could it aid me in controlling my strength,
and the pulsating hearts I held in fragile hands
always seem to get crushed as a result.

I'm constantly shackled to Bad Faith;
wishing the demons away while remaining passive.
Some people call me strong, and I can't stomach it.
I want to vomit every time I hear them say it.

Because I'm not strong.
If I was, I wouldn't be here,
stuck inside these five walls.
I wouldn't be too afraid of living
to even give it a proper try.

So instead I...

I capture the fleeting moments of clarity
whenever my insanity plays off-beat,
and I try to sculpt the noise into symphonies.
If Beethoven could write music even while deaf,
why can't I?

Because I'm not strong.
I wouldn't be here if I were.
I wouldn't run away from the ones I love.
I wouldn't let the dread consume me.

If I were truly strong, I would have the power
to stay there with them - to bleed in their place.

If I really was strong, and if I truly were an artist,
the magic I'd create would have painted the future
with the blood that my veins insist on pushing forward,
in hopes of adding some colour to this cold and uncaring world.

Because Love is usually symbolized by Red, after all.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Kakera had me in tears this week. This poem was intoxicating and sad. I was drowning and drunk in sadness with this poem!

    Fear of merging into life.. fear of letting go mixed with insecurities is my brief synopsis of this piece. It's one I related to completely... truly touching!

  • 9 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Kakera you've outdone yourself once again, such beautiful prose,I love the line"if I were truly strong I would have the power to stay there with them-to bleed in their place"so beautiful, the entire poem rings with the tune of one such as the lion in the wizard of Oz, believing oneself to be a coward, but actually being the bravest when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it all, because if you think about it,a coward wouldn't even think of bleeding in someone elses place! :-) magnificent piece :-)

  • 9 years ago

    by LittleMsPink

    This is so strong...

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    I can nominate ;-p love this!!

    • 9 years ago

      by Kakera

      Thankfully!!! Truthfully, I couldn't be happier with that. I've had such a bad writer's block lately, and this piece I'm very happy with. It gives me the same feeling that I got when I wrote Insect, or A Spotlight and Window Casing, or even A Final Confession. This is hopefully my comeback out of the block, and this is a poem that I really, really want as many people as possible to see.

      Thank you so much for both reading and nominating it, Andrea!!! <3 <3 <3

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Holy MOLY!