Rain
by sonya Nov 23, 2014
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It cools my skin, more than the morning air. I feel the love and I whip my hair. I swear, I smell it before it comes, it comes beating down on me and we run. We hold our hands and never let go. I guess you were right when you said "I told you so." I forgave myself in that very moment, and I hope it lasts after the sunset. I focus on not what I lost, but what I gained. All these dreams came from the rain. I feel the love and I whip my hair. I smell it before it comes... I swear. |
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9 years ago
Beautiful, and this read more like prose to me. I like how you include the vague "you", it seems like a dear friend who is encouraging you to let go of what is hurting you, or mistakes you have made. I like the line "I hope it lasts after the sunset", kind of a more ominous feel, that after dark you will lose your faith in yourself again or the ability to forgive yourself.
"We hold our hands" I think sounded a bit awkward? Maybe re-word? Or simply say, "holding hands". Also don't be afraid to show the reader more about the rain, give more insight into where you are standing, what dreams you have. This is a good start though and shows how much the rain helps you reflect. I feel similar in that the rain can give us more perspective, can refresh us in profound ways.
Keep writing and welcome to PnQ, by the way!
