Whats The Meaning Of Life?

I get up.
Do my daily routine.
Go to school.
Get pointed and laughed at.
Get bullied, physical, and verbal.
I skip classes so I don't need to see them.
I cry in the bathrooms.
I think of my crush and how he will never love me.
I think of how I was kicked off the cheer team.
What's the meaning of life?
I think of my life with Anorexia.
I get home.
My brothers MAKE me eat.
I cut.
Do drugs.
Drink.
I need a friend to help me through things.
A friend who will worry when they don't see me at school.
A friend who knows what is going to happen to our friendship in 5 years.
But no one exists like that in this messed up world.
What's the meaning of life?
I get ready for bed.
I stay up all night sitting on my bed writing, reading, drawing.
I play with my lizard, 2 dogs, and cat.
I think of how he cheated on me, 3 times.
Think of how it will get better.
But when something like this happens?
I can't forget it.
I want to die.
I want to live.
I want to survive another day.
But how can I do that?
When I can hardly survive tonight?
What's the meaning of life?
I smile so they won't see.
I laugh because they laugh.
Because I want to fit in.
I can't be myself when people judge.
When there are so many titles out there.
I cry myself to sleep every night.
Thinking.
Then I wake up.
And it starts again.
What's the meaning of life?