John Peterson ( F P C D )
at 2009-10-30
Really liked this one..sounds like someone i know!!
Sylvia A ( F P C D )
at 2009-10-31
You indeed stripped away the baggage we carry and your naked feelings came through with these words. I had a sense of peace and quiet as I read this. Most of us have built walls to block out these types of feelings. Well done, Nik.
Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D )
at 2009-10-31
'autumn covered leaves.'
`I dont think 'covered' is needed.. I dont see your purpose for using it. How can leaves be covered in autumn? Thats the way it is written here, but if you were to say autumn leaves without covered, the adjective autumn would be used more effectively and would make more sense...just my thoughts.
'like the water feels the breeze.'
`You used 'felt' above so maybe try something like 'caresses the breeze' - although thats cliche, thats better in my opinion - again, just suggesting.
'Now that years have
bent to the ways of time'
`I really liked the usage of bent here, it was truly original and interesting.
I think we've all been in this state before. Rather lonely and useless...yet in time we will break from this loneliness...we just have to be patient.
[ Praised by : Lady Nik ]
Em ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-02
I love how you portrayed to people that no matter howt hard they try they will never get inside your emotionas. Some powerful words, very emotional and well written. 5/5, Em
Karl Wild ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-07
The imagery is very strong in this piece especially in the first few lines it really sets the tone for this. Kind of sad in way to feel like their is absolutely no hope to achieve anything great than what you already have. Great job as always 5/5
Mysterious Charmer ( F C )
at 2009-11-08
Powerful words Shanik...truly powerful. You have really outdone yourself with this piece, amazing work once again.
Take care,
Mysterious Charmer
Kiko ( F C )
at 2009-11-09
I think you have one of the most refreshing and unique writing styles on this site. This piece is just wonderful. Great job!
suicidal dream ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-11
Your still a good writer. i super miss you my fav line
Brick and asphalt and hollowed glue
spoke alot. it showed alot of protection. great poem.
Bad Habits Die Hard ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-14
I love reading your poems because thereso different from the traditional style as others are.
I love it. FAvorites.
5/5
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