Comments - I still live

Maple Tree ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-05

Ok Luce..... please hand me a tissue! You have written a beautiful piece about your precious heart!!! Oh how creative and touching this poem is!!!!!!

Your ending stanza---- wonderful!! i do that too... allot... love this poem!!

Miss Happiness ( F C D ) at 2012-04-05

Wow this poem is AMAZING:)
I do that too...I felt this poem speaks to me... It made me think of allot of things...I love this poem.:)

Lioness ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-06

What I think is awesome and a message that came through to me in this poem is the fact that you want to live, the fact that you check for your heartbeat before you sleep as confirmation that you are still alive. I think this is a wonderful poem Luce. I love it! It flows well and was an awesome read.

x

Lebanese Phoenix ( F C D ) at 2012-04-06

Honestly speaking, the content is no doubt so brilliant, so original and so inspirational, but I felt in the beginning the flow was off, a bit. Hope you revise it because it was awesome.

Every night
when I go to bed
I have to place
the palm of my hand
between my chest

^ Every night
in bed
I have to place
my palm
against my chest

----

And I listen
to my heart beat
as my eye lids
slowly close
to fall asleep

^ I listen to the beats
as my lids slowly close
while falling asleep

And I pay attention
to the melody
that each beat
of my heart makes

^ And I pay attention
to the melody they sing


You might think
is a habit.

^ You might think
it's a habit.

----------------------- I hope you consider those little blemishes because as I said the content struck my core, but the structure was shaking.

<3

[ Praised by L | Approved by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather ]

Xanthe ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-06

This is a brilliant piece. Absolutely amazing and inspirational, but i agree, some unnecessary words made the flow a bit off..
Still love this, though and the imagery was definitely beautiful and vivid 5/5 :)

-X

Lebanese Phoenix ( F C D ) at 2012-04-06

I know you are cursing me now :p but in the 6th stanza, if you are intending to repeat the 1st stanza, then change the 6th to be exactly like the 1st.

Okay, now I'm out of here :p

~ Peace

Paul Gondwe ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-06

I have always been amazed by your style of writing, its really intriging. Being an ashmatic, i can really relate to this. Great work.

Fly Away ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-07

Wow, i have to say this was an amazing peice . It's awesome, and I love it too, maybe we should all do this, and be grateful. . . at the end of the day. .


Awesome and meaninful poem :)

Maple Tree ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-08

Psssssssst....Luce... i'm back to this beautiful piece, and im gonna nominate it...because I like this poem ALOT :-)

Mr Rhee ( F P C ) at 2012-04-28

I like this write, so much. The title caught my attention first, then your feelings. I started to wonder just how many times I've taken inventory of my day and said, "I survived another day."
I think this poem is perfect.

Darren Connor ( F C D ) at 2012-06-23

Is this somebody who is ill or abuses their body thankful they lived through another day.
I only ask that because of this part;
And I listen
to the lyrics
that my heart
wishes to scream

But I ignored most
of them.

You also mention habit, again I could be reading too much into this.
This could just be a stressed person, or somebody with faith who appreciates the miracle of being alive.
Regards
Darren

ps, no nits!!!

[ Praised by L | Approved by Sherry Lynn ]

Baby Rainbow ( F P C D ) at 2012-08-10

Wow, this is really good. It shows how empty and non existant one can sometimes feel, that they wonder if they are truly alive.

I adored the way you wrote about the heart beats and the melody, very unique and powerful.

Blissful ( F C D ) at 2012-09-03

Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves that our heartbeat is one of the greatest gifts we have and while it is still present, we have to take advantage of it. Our heart has so much to say even though we don't take it into account most of the time which is unfortunate. We shush it and deem it foolish although it is wise. I liked how you structured this poem because it created a nice pace when read aloud. Great way of tying in the title into the last line because that was the essence of the poem. Nicely done.

[ Praised by L | Approved by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather ]

Love Fallacy ( F P C D ) at 2012-10-29

Very deep poem. I like the part where you said "And I pay attention
to the melody they sing". I like the comparison to your heart beat and its melody.


Write your comment

If you'd like to comment/rate this poem or you want to publish your own poetry at "Poems & Quotes", sign-up here!