Comments : The Black and The White
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9 years ago
by Maple Tree
You are very talented Maged and I am happy to see this piece has been nominated!
Truly a unique and elegant poem!!-
9 years ago
by moon face
Well I thank you sincerely Maple Tree.
Might I ask what did you mean by nominated?
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9 years ago
by Kakera
Amazing poem indeed! Not really much to say other than that! Love it!
Nominated means that it has been nominated for the weekly contest. There's a tab on the right that says "contest nominations", click it, and you'll find it over there. Every week, three poems, by judges votes, end up on the front page until the next contest is over. Happy to see it among the nominations as well!-
9 years ago
by moon face
Well thank you as well Kakera, I'm glad this piece has found a place among the other masterpieces on this site. : )
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9 years ago
by Meena Krish
An interesting read with eye catching visuals..well penned and Congrats on the win :)
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9 years ago
by moon face
Thank you. : ) Glad many people liked it.
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9 years ago
Judging comment:
I am not familiar with your works, but I am glad I came across this one. The atmosphere seems idealized, picturesque to me, as if it challenges the ordinary world, what we claim to know and appreciate. I like how it's up to the reader to imagine who this "he" is. Is this a reference to Adam and Eve perhaps? It reminded me of the creation story, and the first two humans born with original sin, tempting each other. And you are the detached narrator, the simple observer? I adore how you added dialogue in this, yet it didn't muddle the poem or break the flow, it actually seemed elegantly placed in the poem. The opening, in my opinion, suggested the birth of the world, where there is Heaven, then Earth, a place of worldly things, temptations, love, lust, etc. This character then dances with the devil or someone tempted by the devil, to try what she could not do before perhaps, and he wishes to take her from the perfect, immaculate garden not created by man, to one they can create. It also illustrates to me our humanity... how we sin, how we can linger, watch the world around us as it makes mistakes and seemingly self-destructs. A more abstract piece but I enjoyed this and how there is some vagueness that prompts the reader to reflect.... the ending especially, makes me imagine that these two characters are waiting for when the world will be revealed as "black and white", "good or bad", that it may be easier to see where their fate rests or what they can choose. Intriguing write with a beautiful flow! (7)-
9 years ago
by moon face
I think this is the most thorough comment I have ever received on any of my pieces. I am so glad you have given thoughts on this. Although, I'm inclined to tell you that this is an abstract piece, and I am but a mere narrator. What you just said is actually a reflection of what you see or believe. Every one I know has a different perspective and has a different scope of vision. Although there are some allusions which I had hoped would present the same image or meaning to anyone who reads this piece.
- then along he came
a thousand sparkling crimson scales
"he" refers to the devil as he entered the Garden of Eden disguised as the serpent "a thousand sparkling crimson scales"
-"Let us undust this Garden
and water our own seed of sin."
"Garden" the G is capitalized because I'm referring not just to any garden, but to the Garden of Eden.
-"Let us linger here longer a moment
until colours dry
and all that is left, is the black and the white."
At the end, only the two colours black and white remain and survive all others. It is because the ending of anything is polarized, it is sharp without any loose ends, heaven or hell, life or death, good or evil, etc.
I'd really like to communicate with you on a regular basis and exchange reviews and ideas.
Again, I'm really thankful you have taken the time.
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