by Nevi

The hazy smoke
that smells of
curling skyward
from the
tip of my match

(21 Syllables, written for The Marathon of Great Clubs)


Submission date : 2011-10-11

Visits : 379
Votes : 2
Rating : 5.0

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Latest comments

Melpomene ( F P C D ) at 2011-10-12


This is another one of yours I was impressed with when I read it for the marathon. Typically it can be hard to say what you need to say when writing within a limit such as a syllable count (hence why my creativity doesn't generally go anywhere past free verse lol!) but with this piece of writing here I felt it was natural, I would of never have guessed that this was written to a guideline.

Of course here the concept intrigued me, my favorite scent is that of burnt matches and so it was almost as the I could smell it in the atmosphere. The idea you came up with was simple but clever, I'd have never of thought to write a poem on the smoke coming from the tip of a match and yet you managed to get all the important elements in here, you used the senses, "Hazy smoke" with a description of sigh, "The smell of phorsphorescence" for scent and you made it come alive.

This was another great piece from you. Great work.

Touch of Bitters ( F P C D ) at 2011-10-12

Creative, imaginative, and brilliant. Your words allowed the reader to see the smoke and so real you could swear you smelled sulfur from the match. Excellent