Autumn Breeze
at 2009-11-04
Wow...absolutely beautiful. You seem to have the knack of transporting the reader to the very scene you portray within your poetry, this one was no exception! I believe this is front page material and I would hope it will be nominated. Simply outstanding.
(I did have to google titmouse so, not only did I enjoy this verse, I also learned from it too)
Ingrid ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-05
Oh, how beautiful Kiko.....
All your work is sweet perfection. The only remark I could make is that you post so little, ha ha ha.
I cannot single out one stanza or line...all words you chose are so full of meaning and so well put together.
You are a true poet at heart, and should continue on this path..it is really you.
Outstanding work, my friend!
God bless,
5/5 Ingrid
kelleyana ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-06
A very well written rondeau. It's a long time i have not red your poems, but as usual they are simple the best. Very well done, 5/5, kel.
Jessa ( F C D )
at 2009-11-07
Simply beautiful. Outstanding choice of words, with a wonderful rhythm. I am in awe.
Genuine Lavender ( F C D )
at 2009-11-07
What can I say?
You are a very professional poet, Kiko, one we should learn from to say the truth...
The piece is so fantastic, description and word choice are so artistic and neat.
~"It don't look good," the captain frowned-- ~... You told a little story that summed the whole piece with this line alone...Smart intervention.
Very enjoyable read.
Thanks for sharing, best wishes and take care.
Autumn Breeze
at 2009-11-07
I have been watching for this addition to the original and notice you have changed things around from the first post. Suddenly the titmouse has been eliminated which I found a little sad for, as you know, I had done a little research into this small, but very interesting bird. However, I think I can overlook this (haha) because the second part took the reader to a different, but equally significant, location where the elements can be just as harsh.
Ingrid ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-08
Only you are able to craft such a beautiful double Rondeau, Kiko!
Now it is even more beautiful than it was..what a delight to read something crafted with so much love and devotion as this:)
God bless,
Ingrid
Rainbow Dancing ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-08
Your work has always impressed me. "I know big deal" lol but anyway. I find this one to be beyond your normal talents. It's brilliant, full of imagery with a flow that is easy and smooth.
Excellent
Melody
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-09
This is such a beautiful piece. I was drawn in and captivated as I read it.
Excellent job!
Take Care
Cindy
Lady Nik ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-09
Before the snow blots out the sky,
Chrysanthemums shall wilt and die.
*My favorite part. I loved reading this piece. The imagery is truly breataking and so beautiful. One of the best poems I've read in a long time. I love the way your words flow. A flawlessly crafted piece here. I loved reading this. Keep it up sweetie. Nik :) *
Rachel RTVW ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-15
^November gales are drawing nigh,
As autumn heaves a gusty sigh.^
Good way to grab the reader's attention with the imagery. I like the word choice and the rhyming is not forced or cliche. Excellent!
^A whirlwind sprays the fallow ground
With rotting leaves, all creased and browned,
Whilst angry clouds go scudding by.^
Continuity with the form, flow, word choice and rhyming.
^Take wing, yon bluebird, time to fly
Away to sun-drenched fields of rye.
For soon, the storms shall make their round--
November Gales.^
Great job! I love the word choice and imagery!
^Before the snow blots out the sky,
Chrysanthemums shall wilt and die.
A field mouse scurries 'neath the mound
Of nuts and seeds, ol' gray squirrel found.
The crow maintains a watchful eye--
November Gales.^
Again with the great imagery and word choice!
^November gales are drawing nigh,
Through pelting rain, the sailors cry.
To distant shores, this freighter's bound,
But scrapes a shoal and runs aground.
The crashing surf leaves no one dry.^
I could keep repeating myself because you have this consistently clever word choice and the rhyming is natural sounding and isn't forced.
^Should she go down, all hands will die,
To heaven, some, whilst others fry.
"It don't look good," the captain frowned--
November Gales^
Good story telling and picture painting imagery!
^In sandy tombs, the shipwrecks lie,
Now left to rot, as time creeps by.
The doomed craft makes a wailing sound,
Awaking all those dead and drowned,
And sails into the tempest's eye--
November Gales^
Well this is contest winning material for sure! The entire piece, you adhered to the rules of the form, had an excellent, articulate word choice, the piece was not cliche, it told a story with picture painting imagery and was well worth the time it took to read and the nomination. You should be VERY proud of yourself, this is EXCELLENT!
**************************************
The Rondeau is a French form of 15 lines in 3 stanzas: quintet, quatrain and sestet. 13 of the lines are of 8 syllables, and 2 of the lines are a refrain of 4 syllables. The rhyme scheme is aabba aabR aabbaR. For added difficulty, use the first half of the first line for the repeating refrain.
Written for a challenge: "Write me a rondeau, s'il vous plait."
[ Praised by : Kiko ]
Rachel RTVW ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-15
I forgot to add that I like how you added a description of the form at the end so those who aren't familiar with the form and want to give it a go can see what rules they have to adhere to.
Great job!
Ingrid de K ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-16
This is my third comment to this poem, lol.
Congrats my friend, it truly is a beauty and well deserving of a win:)
God bless,
Ingrid
Luna Blue ( F C D )
at 2009-11-16
Congrats on the win, this poem was very impressive. The way you managed to write such a beautiful poem while still perfectionizing the form. I mostly get bored while reading nature poems, but this one actually kept me awake, lol.
Well done,
Luna
GrammaConcept ( F P C )
at 2009-11-16
What a story!!
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