Comments : Earth's Intelligence

  • 7 years ago

    by ether

    Wow this is a brilliant write. What really caught me was the beautiful imagery created with:
    "The birds are
    going to follow the sun carrying
    the moon on their wings. "
    As certain birds navigate the earth via the magnetic field (governed by gravity) which also interacts most closely with the moon (the closest object to us in space) - I found this specific line genius.

    There is only one tiny suggestion I have for improvement:
    "Do not open this dirt file of
    the suspended time. It reverberates"
    the second line of this could be
    "suspended time; it reverberates"
    taking out the filler word will decrease the syllable count of this line and help it read better, and a full stop in that particular position is not quite necessary, a semicolon keeps the ideas joined and flowing a bit more than it does.
    But that's such a minor detail, which isn't going to take away from me nominating this for the weekly contest. 5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Judging Comment:

    The beauty in this piece is that the topic is something both elegant and completely unrelated to all the drama and unrest going on in the world lately. The descriptions are both fun and wheel spinning, and yet off the wall without being totally off the rail - which was an interesting way to complete such a piece - but it worked 100% of the way through. Which is something I truly admire about this author this week, they tried something both unrealistic and beautiful yet al the while the author stuck it out and tried to make that work. Which this week was a success