Comments : Driving me Insane

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    I thought it was that unique. There are poems all on here about suicide and cutting. I've even written them. I think if you're going to write about that you have to make it really different, so your poem will stand out more.

    Okay here is some constructive criticism.

    Cuts on my wrists cant take any more
    ^^There should be a comma between wrists and can't <--- cant needs to be can't.

    Too much pain too many tears
    ^^A comma needs to be placed between pain and too.

    I'm screaming for help but your not listening
    ^^There needs to be a comma before but, and your should be you're.

    I'm starting to feel so shut out
    ^^I think you could have use a better word than so. Try using more descriptive words.

    I cant live with you but cant live without
    ^^That was an awkward line. Don't focus so much on the rhymes; focus more on the emotion and what you REALLY want to say. Also, cant needs to be can't.

    Everything is just so surreal
    ^^Again, use a better word than so. I think I would even like "too" better. Try it out.

    Livings driving me insane
    ^^Livings should be living's.

    Hope this helped!

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 16 years ago

    by El

    Thanks!
    Ill make the changes and think of a new line for "I cant live with you...."

  • 16 years ago

    by El

    All comments are good. I dont mind the critisms. Thanks

  • 16 years ago

    by candice

    You write really well and your so young too. really creative rhyming

  • 16 years ago

    by NicoleBaby101

    Wow it was great. keep up the writing

  • 15 years ago

    by YourThe ReasonIDiedTonight

    That was so amazing...keep up the great work. this poem was so excellent

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Mister 47

    For me , i say , pay no attention to the critics for this poem , i can feel the pain , and the hurt,. and you writen it , with all heart and feelings , and i can reach those feelings,
    in your words,

  • 15 years ago

    by Faye

    I know how you feel.
    Good visual.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Aish

    Woah!!! this poem is quite confronting but it is very very strong and full of feeling.
    Very well done!!!

  • 15 years ago

    by Not Enough

    =( That's sad,
    but really well written
    I love it, it's great
    5/5