An Apple a Day Will Keep the Doctor Away

“Your body is to be starved and abused, made into the perfect mold.”

==> I love this line, its so true. It's like “As long as you're perfect, who cares what damage you're doing, or how much you're hurting”. It's a sad and scary truth.

“When family and friends get suspicious, lying will come with ease.
Words will slip right off your tongue, words you designed to please.”

==> I think you've captured this subject so amazingly. I'm anorexic, and I can see myself reflected in this poem so accurately and greatly written.

“The show that you perform everyday, and, sweetie, you're the star”

“Don't you even think about giving up, darling, you've made it so far.”

“Just a little bite, a minuscule parcel, when your body starts to sway.”

“So, sweetie, just remember, an apple a day will keep the doctor away.”

==> I think that this really and truly reflects the 'voice' of the eating disorder,

I love how you have included this in the poem, and in such a gripping way. Truly amazing writing; the flow was absolutely perfect, the wording arrangement and the vocabulary was outstanding.

More importantly, the accuracy in, and the meaning behind, this poem is something that is so rare in a poem of this type.

Perfect- I have no suggestions, and if I were you, I wouldn't change a single word of it. Truly amazing, i'm in total and utter awe of you, and your talent, so well done :)

5/5

I thought the flow was excellent. I really enjoyed reading this. My boyfriend actually suffered from bulimia for a while (I wrote a poem about it - It's Tearing Us Apart -lol-). He's much better now. This piece was well written and alot more people should read it. It's going on my faves list.

5+ from me!!
xoxox - Kail

You can never be too skinny, or at least that's what you've been told.
Your body is to be starved and abused, made into the perfect mold.

- you can never be too skinny thats really strong words with a lot of power between them. i kinda sat up bolt straight once i read the first too lines. knew this was gonna be a long on to right on. rhyme scheme AABB is a simple one to write on. its good but can be toyed with and worked on after time :]

Hide in your oversized sweaters, so no one can see your hard work.
Avoid the kitchen at all costs, where disgusting fat and calories lurk
.
- theres feeling in the first line of that, liked the context of that line, where disgusting fat and calories lurk, i think you tried a little to hard on this part but again the meaning behind it is good.

'When family and friends get suspicious, lying will come with ease.
Words will slip right off your tongue, words you designed to please.'

- i've never had a eating disorder but i've lied and been addict to other things which i had to lie to my parents about, its true, you get better with lieing until it just comes out- you kinda start to believe it yourself after a while too. its something i can relate to.

'Everything is perfect, or at least that's what you put in your show'
- again that ties in with what i said above and the lieing.

'The show that you perform everyday, and, sweetie, you're the star
Don't you even think about giving up, darling, you've made it so far.'
- i like that its like a quote that once you read you no it will stick in your head because its that kind of pharse you don't forget. i like the imagery of life being the show.

'Just a little bite, a minuscule parcel, when your body starts to sway'
-that brings the true horrors to your poem crashing down around the reader. and you get filled with saddness.

'These thought out rules will help you succeed, if you choose to obey.
So, sweetie, just remember, an apple a day will keep the doctor away.'
-i like the ending pharse, its kiddies pharse but youve tied it in with such a serious subject. i like the way you done that.

i kinda just scanned over it again, and thought maybe i've picked the concept up wrong bt i don't think i have :S

anyway its quite a long comment sorry :[

good poem

Not too bad, Cayce. You're right, the flow wasn't great, but when it comes from the heart, it almost doesn't matter.
I liked the thought behind the poem, because honesly, I understand.
However, to say, I didn't <feel> the emotion behind it; I didn't feel the fear and so on.

However, it was a good poem in the sense that it came from the heart. When it comes from the heart, one can never be too picky. :].

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

Oh my I loved this! You took a topic many attempt to write about but miss it's meaning and you took in to another world where I could feel everything this young girl felt. The language you used was flawless and fit everything flawlessly. I thought the flow was great except for in the third stanza where you repeated "show" twice. That made me stumble while I was reading but I quickly picked up momentum from there because everything after that was just flawless.

I could tell this was well thought out and you worked hard for each detail and the final piece is just amazing. I cannot stop ravinng about it because it truly blew me away. I can't pick a fave part because it all just went together flawlessly.

Well done *5/5*