Comments : Through the Links in the Fence

  • 9 years ago

    by Lemma

    The image of a child pressing their hand to a chain link fence was SO vivid I felt like I was watching a film. I like the way you're almost laughing at the naivety of yourself as a child. I like the way you rhyme the first and second lines of the stanza but not the third and fourth, makes it different. My favourite lines were the last two:

    "Yet there are times where things almost made sense
    As I stare at the sky through the links in the fence"

    I loved the title too, set the scene perfectly.

    Another 5/5

    Em xXx

  • 9 years ago

    by Kaila

    Very nice poem here
    I enjoyed the structure
    And the rhyme scheme was good too
    This poem caught my eye
    I was nver bored with it.
    I don't really have anything bad to say
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Gizmo

    Structure: good
    title : good
    imagery:excellent

    loved the poem :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Natalie

    It seemed like even before I learned to crawl
    I knew I would never have the strength to fly

    ^^^Loved those lines Darien!

    Your poetry still amazes me! Your flow is always great, and everything just sounds so natural. Keep writing buddy!

    Natalie``

  • 9 years ago

    by Live WeLL

    Wow.. this poem is amazing. The imagery is so strong and I could see the entire poem and what was happening in my head the whole time i was reading it.

    Every now and then I'd think back to what I had
    Searching for those times when things weren't so bad

    I really liked those two lines. They remind me of my poem called ,"Damn You, Time." You should check it out if you have time =)

    I really enjoyed this poem and it is really touching and emotional to the reader -- well to me at least. You did a great job. Keep it up! 5/5 from me.

  • 9 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Wow, amazing write as always from an amazing poet. The flow and choice of words was excellent. The structure and the Imagery was outstanding. I loved this piece of poetry from you Darien, you never dissapoint.

    However, I felt this could of been strong and more entense shall I say, if you added Puncuation within this poem.

    Overall a great write from a great writter. Keep it up.

    Peace, Joe

  • 9 years ago

    by Lu

    As a kid I always had these dreams where I could fly
    I remember I use to waste my time looking at the sky
    Back then I thought I was free to go wherever I wanted
    I never realize there was an iron fence holding me back
    ^^^
    Fantastic opening stanza .... a trip down memory lane for me to times when you felt so free .... and the world was a huge playground .... our playground!

    Every now and then I'd think back to what I had
    Searching for those times when things weren't so bad
    Yet there are times where things almost made sense
    As I stare at the sky through the links in the fence
    ^^^
    Wow amazing ending ... I interpreted this in two ways
    #1 As growing older and feeling life has passed by so quickly and as life got so busy we become trapped in a routine ... the hustle and bustle of life like a rope around our neck.
    making us feel confined

    #2 I interpreted it upon a second read as perhaps ... someone in jail, looking back through time realizing that life wasn't so bad back then, missing the things they once had ... now only able to look at the world through links in the fence.

    I love poems that make one's brain work hard ... as this one did!
    I loved the creativity in this piece and I not only got the pleasure to see imagery once but ....twice.
    Wonderful read Darien, thanks for sharing!
    Lu (lol) ... glad you remembered me

  • 9 years ago

    by Brandon Lee

    I liked this poem, all poems should have a strong ending like this poem did. Great job, I am adding you to my favorites.

  • 9 years ago

    by Dixiedaisy

    Such a sad write. Seems as though sometimes that the fence is always what holds us back, looking through. But there is bound to be a gate somewhere and it may just lead to something better. This write stirred so many emotions from my schoolyears. Always second best, never in the mix of things and left behind. I refuse to let my past haunt me and will come out the winner in the game of life, because I will play fair and will stay true to myself. Very powerful write and thought provoking.

  • OMG!! I love it, babe. I think the poem suits all dreams that we all have had as childern. Though I still hold on to some of those dreams, sometimes we do lose the desire once we have people that say we cant go higher

  • 9 years ago

    by Cindy

    Darien
    Congrats on the win. Very deserving. We are so glad you have joined us at RTVW.
    Take Care Cindy

  • 9 years ago

    by debbylyn

    Congrats on the win! Awesome write!

  • 9 years ago

    by Ixora

    Mm such a true poem...very strong : /

    sadly so

    *^*crow*^*

  • 9 years ago

    by sarah

    That is a very good poem. keep up the good work!

  • 9 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    A good piece of writing. I don't have a favorite stanza, I'm afraid, it was all pretty much as good as each other.

    Brad

  • 9 years ago

    by TillyMariex

    Wow...i love it =]

  • 9 years ago

    by Amber Holley

    That was great

  • 9 years ago

    by OLA OLUWASEUN

    What a funny one but the massage is there at the tail end. I love it. Common, keep desiring the dream of flying perhaps you'll grow wings and just fly one day. Ha ha...Just teasing

  • 9 years ago

    by Mister 47

    Hope , you have a wing someday , remember you can not fly alone , you need a partnet with another wing to fly :)
    i am sure you know what i mean