The image of a child pressing their hand to a chain link fence was SO vivid I felt like I was watching a film. I like the way you're almost laughing at the naivety of yourself as a child. I like the way you rhyme the first and second lines of the stanza but not the third and fourth, makes it different. My favourite lines were the last two:
"Yet there are times where things almost made sense
As I stare at the sky through the links in the fence"
Wow, amazing write as always from an amazing poet. The flow and choice of words was excellent. The structure and the Imagery was outstanding. I loved this piece of poetry from you Darien, you never dissapoint.
However, I felt this could of been strong and more entense shall I say, if you added Puncuation within this poem.
Overall a great write from a great writter. Keep it up.
As a kid I always had these dreams where I could fly
I remember I use to waste my time looking at the sky
Back then I thought I was free to go wherever I wanted
I never realize there was an iron fence holding me back
Fantastic opening stanza .... a trip down memory lane for me to times when you felt so free .... and the world was a huge playground .... our playground!
Every now and then I'd think back to what I had
Searching for those times when things weren't so bad
Yet there are times where things almost made sense
As I stare at the sky through the links in the fence
Wow amazing ending ... I interpreted this in two ways
#1 As growing older and feeling life has passed by so quickly and as life got so busy we become trapped in a routine ... the hustle and bustle of life like a rope around our neck.
making us feel confined
#2 I interpreted it upon a second read as perhaps ... someone in jail, looking back through time realizing that life wasn't so bad back then, missing the things they once had ... now only able to look at the world through links in the fence.
I love poems that make one's brain work hard ... as this one did!
I loved the creativity in this piece and I not only got the pleasure to see imagery once but ....twice.
Wonderful read Darien, thanks for sharing!
Lu (lol) ... glad you remembered me
Such a sad write. Seems as though sometimes that the fence is always what holds us back, looking through. But there is bound to be a gate somewhere and it may just lead to something better. This write stirred so many emotions from my schoolyears. Always second best, never in the mix of things and left behind. I refuse to let my past haunt me and will come out the winner in the game of life, because I will play fair and will stay true to myself. Very powerful write and thought provoking.
OMG!! I love it, babe. I think the poem suits all dreams that we all have had as childern. Though I still hold on to some of those dreams, sometimes we do lose the desire once we have people that say we cant go higher