Comments : Cliche Crush

  • 16 years ago

    by Live WeLL

    This poem is beautifully written.. I really enjoyed reading it..

    The only thing off about the first stanza was that it doesn't have the same rhyme scheme like the rest of the poem. You tried to rhyme movie with seen and it just doesn't work as well..

    but other than that.. the poem is great and everyone can relate to it,, because as it says, it's a cliche crush - everyone has experienced it lol..

    very nice job! Keep it up and thanks for the comment =) 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Hey great poem...
    I cud relate it to myself... the feelings are beautifully penned..

    great work..

  • Aw, this poem.....wow, there's no words that can described how great it is. It left me absolutely speechless. The wording in it was just perfect and the emotion in this was so powerful. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this poem, and the first stanza was just right. Keep it up! 5/5

    .;CiNdY:.

  • 16 years ago

    by JSydney

    Beautiful... nothing more that i can say than that... =]

  • 16 years ago

    by noha

    Ya in the first stanza was kind off.
    but this happend and it still good,keep it up

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Oh my this was just so beautiful! It was as if you were writing about my cliche love story because everything you wrote was sooo true! The way you described everything in your first stanza was flawless and I could really feel what you were saying. The flow was just perfect and nothing seemed forced.

    "He can make her smile, the way no one else can.
    He doesn't even know it, and he may never understand. "
    ^You don't even know how true that is! He makes you feel all these emotions inside yet he is oblivious to everything...ugh stupid boys haha.

    I loved the last stanza because it tied in everything together perfectly and how there was a bit of hope in it ... that made me smile. The last line was flawless and I love how you used the title in it ... great job! Well done dear ... I truly enjoyed reading this. *5/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by HillaryNicole

    I use 2 feel like dat everytimne i saw my crush...da emotions n dis r great!

  • 16 years ago

    by Kitten

    I didnt see anything wrong with the frst stanza or any other part of the poem it was very well written i liked it

  • 16 years ago

    by StonedGooberz

    The first stanza was great and when you got ozzy playing in the background its makes for a sweet piece nice job 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Dark Secrets

    I like this poem it's very beautiful
    I think you should change the stanzas order to make it feel less "off" like this:
    She's head over heels, so cliche, like a movie.
    Butterflies in her stomach, whenever he is seen.
    His smile makes her flutter, and explode up inside.
    Yet he is ignorant of her existence, and she feels so denied.

    In the essence of his presence, her heart beats so fast.
    Pounding against her chest, as he slowly walks past.
    He makes her feel emotions, that she's never felt before.
    Her emotions run wild, and he's the one they do this for.

    Confusions taken over, for she's never felt so deep.
    Yet it all feels so right, that she's taken this leap.
    He can make her smile, the way no one else can.
    He doesn't even know it, and he may never understand.

    Her gloomy outlook of life has subsided to content.
    She's actually smiling and happy - to an extent.
    Her eyes glimmer and glisten, at the sight of his refinement.
    Simply not knowing him, to her, is complete torment.

    She anticipates the days, of the moment they shall meet.
    -What she'll say and how they'll greet.
    Her eager emotions concealed, of her feelings so lush.
    As she steadily keep quiet, of her secret cliche crush.

  • 16 years ago

    by RB

    Flawless piece, amazing. this was absolutely beautifully written and so well expressed. great job! i just loved these lines...

    "His smile makes her flutter, and explode up inside.
    Yet he is ignorant of her existence, and she feels so denied."

    amazing!! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    I really enjoyed reading this poem. "A teenage love story" would be a good title for it ;) haha. Seriously, the flow was a little shaky but still easily readable. The word choice was GREAT and kept my attention. And the concept is really good... 5/5

    P.S.
    The first stanza was amazing -- not off.

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Most times love hurts and this poem reflects that. The flow is great

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    I really enjoyed it because it is perfectly my mood right now if you could have replaced all the hims with tanner then i wuld have thought that i had written this I loved it and the first stanza wasnt off to me. nice work

  • 15 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    Hey, you know, the first time i read the first stanza, it seemed off, but then i got into the flow of the poem and after reading your little comment at the end i went back to the first stanza and re-read it and sounded just find. i have to say i'm in love with your imagery-creating-volcabulary. you poems seemed flawless, and an ideal perfect picture of a girls feelings and emotions when she's fallen...
    truely a great write.
    keep it up. hope to read more from you soon.
    i'll add you to my favourites to keep track of future work. thanks.
    take care x

  • 15 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    Hey, i just wrote a super great comment for this and it disappeared :o! well i'm going to end it in short, i enjoyed the first stanza after i re-read if, it went with the flow. and i totally love the way your really cool volcabulary forms natural imagery =]
    keep writing. your added to favz so i can keep track of your poems.
    thanks.
    take care x

  • 15 years ago

    by sexyCheckers

    "She's head over heels, so cliche, like a movie.
    Butterflies in her stomach, whenever he is seen.
    "

    I agree with you, but its not the first stanza, just the first 2 lines ^^^ apart from that the rest of the poem is great!
    you use great vocabulary, and i enjoy reading your work because i HOPE it will expand my knowledge of words too; i use alot of the same words in my poems lol

    great poem luv,
    xxxxxx

    5/5 for sure. (: