Conversations and Realizations

So pathetic
So sad
So alone
Yet bound to be so forever

I wake up screaming
Wishing i could keep on dreaming.
Even the worst nightmares don't compare
To the destruction i could cause
And could never bear

"Kill me now!"
I scream to myself
"When were you alive?"
The voice in my mind responds

"You spent your time chasing impossibilities
Hoping for some miracle and love.
Never shall you find them now.
You've wasted your time and your life
And now must face the punishment.
One worse than death."

"But what have i done?...
Never mind...
I know..."

"Then keep your heart beating.
Yet hope not for it to stop paining.
Your sins are unforgivable
and your intentions also so.
Give up now and soften the blow
For when you realize it
I can sit idly and watch.
You will be forever alone"