Comments : I left my window open to night

  • 16 years ago

    by noha

    Thanks norhan ,i love it too but its writen by jenny, but she write what i want to say

  • 16 years ago

    by noha

    (Jenna)*

  • 16 years ago

    by ECILA ice

    The flow is quite difficult to comprehend because i don't know where you want to lead it.. i may suggest to divide it into stanzas. but i love the idea it's nice and the emotions were sad.

  • 16 years ago

    by Jayden

    I really enjoyed reading this poem its really well written and theres lots of emotion 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by noha

    Thanks alot

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Aww, this was such a beautiful poem. The flow was good, the word choice was decent. I really liked the concept as well. Good write!

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany C

    I like it. It is a great poem. The flow was great and i loved the word choice. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    You holding me in your arms,
    pulling me close to you as we dance,
    Hearing our own song through the rain,
    Laughing and kissing,
    Compelled to never let each other go...

    - - -
    Another good part - I think you could take out the " ... " 's though.

    Finally the vision vanishes,
    We aren't really there...
    And we never were.
    We have never held each other,
    And we have never danced beneath the pale moonlight.

    - - - -
    Last line is a bit long, try;

    Finally the vision vanishes,
    we aren't really there,
    and we never were.
    We've never held each other,
    and we've never danced between the pale moonlight.

    ^^ still a bit longer, but I put " we have " together to help a bit, and it sounds a bit better when reading it aloud.

    -

    Never felt the rain pour down and soak us...
    Together.
    Every day I see you, not where you are,
    But where I want you to be.
    I reach over and tenderly run my fingertips along the sheets
    beside me... where you should be.

    ^^ I think you could put "together" up into the first line, take out the " ... "'s and make it five lines, just souunds and looks better.

    Other than those three parts you have an amazing poem,t hey're actually great too, just a bit of tweaking. I really loved this poem, so far it's my favorite one from you. I do, maybe, suggest a few stanza breakings, it makes it more readable (when looking at it).

    And, the ending is great too. (:

  • 15 years ago

    by noha

    Ya you are right they love each other and miles away and ocean separat them but to hear his voice and to know it as well and love him before seeing each other.