Wow! This is so touching mix of brilliant vivid imagery and fantastically expressed emotions, very deep and creative, you left me stunned with some parts.
Your choice of words is impressionable because it is so unique and it helped you to create this refreshing, captivating atmosphere. I think that you did absolutely beautiful job with this piece and I can say that I enjoyed a lot!
I LOVE this. Absolutely love it. Not only is it filled with emotion, but it's done in such a wonderous and beautiful way. Your wording is so great and the imagery here is also great.
o'er dearest Abigail
of sweet scent
oh my heart's to fail."
^Right from that very beginning I get that sense of caring you have for her. It also shows your confusion in the situation that you're trying to figure out. Your prediction of your heart failing, almost like a foreshadow to this poem. You remember her as sweet as she ever was- whites and lavender's. Beautiful. Such beautiful imagery in the first stanza.
"By violet candlelight,
my eyes dancing 'pon rain
so quite like tears,"
^Here we're getting to the sadness. Violet candlelight is a great metaphor and provides wonderful imagery for the reader. We're starting to see the pain and vunerability you feel when seeing her in pain. I do love how that's not just simply said but interpreted though your words.
"she floats 'pon feathered winds
and oceans of black misery."
^Now we're getting her side. We're seeing her suffering and pain. "ocean of black misery" i think is probably my favourite line in this whole poem.
aid my delusion;
of sorrow'd man?
and the sword sheathed by his heart,
oh sweet Abigail
I taste thou whisper -
^That stanza for me was a bit confusing. But I like that. I like the mystery. I am thinking you're talking about yourself when you say sorrow'd man but then again I could be wrong. The fact that you taste her whisper. Not voice, whisper. That makes it beautiful but sorrowful all at once. I love the line.
dried leaves and skeletons,
of my yesterday.
And I touch
a memory as cold as ice now, ever."
^You're wondering through your past in your mind and remembering her, only now she's a cold memory. Gone and yet haunting you to this day. This is a nice reference to your past that connect to this situation.
Oh ever white, Abigail
to wipe hot tears away
would'st I only see
ever Abigail again
by the winter's breath?"
^And you're wondering, wondering if she'll ever be there again. By the wnert's breath is perfect. Suggesting that's the only place she can be found..she only lived in the winter, the cold winter. This stanza is oh so beautiful. Your longing for her.
the taste of loneliness,
more so, ever painful
as a shard of heartache (thou insist, thy wrist!)"
^These are simple words..but the way you put it I guess gets to me. By now I am really hurt, there's such deep sorrow in these words. They are so good. I feel I could have writen them myself and that hurts a lot.
"Oh I pondered,
in lilac gardens
the golden meadows!
ever with Abigail,
ever dreaming. "
^This offers a more hopeful ending. There is still pain evident there. But the dreaming with her is so peaceful for the soul and romantic. I love this ending because it shows your love.
This whole poem has really touched me. Whether it is true or not does not matter, the poem takes me on a juorney of a beaautiful love story. I LOVE it. Every line seems to fit so perfectly. Your choice of words and language is wonderful. Keep up the good work. I have enjoyed this greatly. =]
This is absolutely amazing!
Every stanza holds so much beauty and your descriptions are flawless and vivid as always.
I am impressed with each line. Your talent simply shines through every superb stanza.
I admire your choice of words in the whole piece. I usually dislike mentioning names in poetry but here it looks perfect.
I can't choose my favorite part because each individual stanza is so deep and astonishing.
Omg how beautiful this poem is....my friend Hellon showed us your verse at the club and she is so right! I am voting for this poem( If I can, lol, I am not sure whether I already used up my three votes) You deserve to win with this beauty!