Title : The Imperfections
Written By : Fridus Blueheaven
Freckles in your skin and pimples in your face
Maybe both are things that made you embarrassed
That you care too much when people come to gaze
Seems you're looking for another runaway place
Dark skin along your body, is that bothered you a lot?
And then you want all things that beautiful people got
You've tried so hard to make people say that you're hot
Trying to be anything else, everything that you're not
Curly hair and seems it would be too hard to arrange
You're not satisfied at all and then you've barely changed
Keep trying with the color, blue, green, yellow or orange
Being another one and see that everything turns to strange
It's the chubby cheek and the fatness over whole your body
Take another step and you're not grateful with your destiny
Keep trying to be anyone else that you never supposed to be
But everything is not fine, well maybe someday you'll see
And look at the mirror, there is yourself you should be proud of
Those imperfections are the little things you should try to love
When you see another one, well then you'll never had enough
You should show the way you are and believe that you're tough
I liked the poem, I liked the message, and mostly liked your word choice. At some points the wording bugged me like:
"Dark skin along your body, is that bothered you a lot?"
seems to me that the "is" should be a "has", but grammar rules are often ignored in poetry and although it makes me stop for a second and look, it only distracts me from the poem slightly...
I particularly liked the first line. I love the freckles on my own shoulders, so that line seemed more personal to me, and then I have had a small problem with pimples for years.
I've made a point not to stare at myself in the mirror very much. Stop vanity, and bad self esteem.
I love your message, and you conveyed it beautifully, although at points it may not be the smoothest read. I give you a 4/5 for a great, but not "perfect" poem... But that is my own opinion, and really your opinion of the poem should probably matter above all else.
"Freckles in your skin and pimples in your face"
Dayum boy, First line of the first stanza and you had me smilingg.
The complete first stanza really sucked me in, The flow was a little raw but in no way forced.
And I'd take raw over forced any day. But I found that in some parts it gets stiff to read, like in
"Maybe both are things that made you embarrassed"
by rearranging the words a little you can create a consistant flow.
I'm not sure if this poem is you talking about a lover, or if the subject is staring into the mirror. But I like that, It creates mystery. And also lets the reader choose, I chose it as looking in the mirror, for I see my imperfections. While another person may see it as loving their partners imperfections. I really liked this about the poem.
The message you get across is one we all need to learn, So I think your poem deserves 5/5.
I Enjoyed reading it, But maybe you could work on the flow. Because at times it feels a bit stiff.
Just friendly critic, Because I honestly liked this poem.
Thanks for sharing. (: