Comments : Lonely and Perfect

  • 9 years ago

    by Lu

    Lonely are wolves without a pack
    That only rely on strength and pride.
    Lonely are children without homes,
    They sit in darkness and hide.
    ^^^
    Wow great opening stanza Darien. So true, lonely are the children without homes. Sad truth!

    I've burned down way too many bridges,
    Erased paths that I should have followed.
    All I wanted was to be her one and only,
    The one she would love with all her heart.
    ^^^
    Touching stanza. Lonely is the heart that is lost!

    You have penned quite a piece filled with emotional sadness and I can feel the longing for happiness drizzling from your words.
    Well done sweets!
    Luanne

  • 9 years ago

    by Syn

    Great poem man. You got my vote.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Lonely are the men that use women,
    For cheap demeaning sex.
    Lonely are the women with no morals,
    That sell themselves as objects.

    This stanza hits so close to home....
    It's awful to realize that all you are is an object, a replacable object. I was one, without knowing it and when I found out I was devastated.
    I find it remarkable that a person your age has these thoughts. A lot of young men find it very normal to see women as sextoys.
    The poem has a deep meaning and you show great talent and a good character too!

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Never heard the song but the poem is excellent xxx

  • 9 years ago

    by Elapsed

    I haven't heard the song but this was so touching and quiet close to home for this reader.

    "Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming,
    Then suddenly, I realize how alone I am.
    I can't explain why things went wrong,
    Fate seems to have another plan for me.

    I've burned down way too many bridges,
    Erased paths that I should have followed.
    All I wanted was to be her one and only,
    The one she would love with all her heart."

    Both these stanzas are so easy to relate with. The was you have expressed them was so poetic. Really enjoyed the read and hope that all works out for you. It's funny how often what we want, we just cant have!

  • 9 years ago

    by Natalie

    Aw Darien! This was so sad. I hope you don't really feel this way. Being lonely isn't a great feeling.

    But once again, You amaze me. Great poem!

    Keep smiling, princess!

  • 9 years ago

    by Veamm

    Excellent!

    It was great piece, This topic is awesome..I wish I could do stuffs like this..your worlds and simple but the message is great! Great write...

    I like chiodos too, but I'm not a total fanatic of the band..but they rocks!

    Keep writing
    Veamm!

  • 9 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    I like this a lot. The topic is great and you portrayed the message excellently. The ending is especially captivating, so many emotions embedded in single line...
    Very deep poem, it contains some very profound thoughts from the beginning to the end. I like your choice of words and the atmosphere that you created. I am deeply touched by the beauty of this poem.

    - I've burned down way too many bridges,
    Erased paths that I should have followed.
    All I wanted was to be her one and only,
    The one she would love with all her heart.-
    ^^
    Fantastic stanza, every line is greatly written.

    Keep up!
    5/5 from me

  • Well i love it but the flow was a little off. it went from rhyming to not. but even though the flow was a little messed up it was a great poem and i loved it. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Cayce

    Lonely are wolves without a pack
    That only rely on strength and pride.
    Lonely are children without homes,
    They sit in darkness and hide.

    ^^ Wow. I love wolves so I'm glad you put wolves in this first stanza. It's so sad though, because really without their pack they are lonely. The second half of this stanza. It was heartbreaking. I just got this overwhelming picture of hundreds of homeless children trying to keep warm at night.

    Lonely are the men that use women,
    For cheap demeaning sex.
    Lonely are the women with no morals,
    That sell themselves as objects.

    ^^ This stanza just makes me mad. I hate guys who use women like that, and what I hate even more is that the women [let] them. :\

    Lonely, don't ask me about lonely.

    ^^ I really like how this line is out all by itself. It gives the impression that you, yourself are more lonely than any of the people/animals that you just mentioned. I mean even the line is lonely.. it's all by itself. [I'm probably overthinking that, but oh well. >.>]

    Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming,
    Then suddenly, I realize how alone I am.
    I can't explain why things went wrong,
    Fate seems to have another plan for me.

    ^^ Ahh, where'd your rhyme scheme go? o.o It just disapeared. Oh well, really I don't think it makes that much difference, because your words over power the rhymes.

    I've burned down way too many bridges,
    Erased paths that I should have followed.
    All I wanted was to be her one and only,
    The one she would love with all her heart.

    ^^ I didn't even know this was talking about a girl until this stanza. I mean wow, that's a hard thing to do. Most people, when they write lost love poems, say it up front where you know what they're talking about. I like how you didn't do that.

    And I wish, I wish I were perfect... for her

    ^^ Great last line. So many people can relate to that. They want to be perfect for the ones they love, but really.. it's the flaws that make us beautiful, so I wouldn't want to be perfect.

    Amazing job!

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 9 years ago

    by Nikki

    I liked it
    good job!!!
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The formatting and rhyme scheme is original and very well thought out. The theme is is one I can relate to. over all I found this poem to be excellent

  • 9 years ago

    by KJ

    OMG. Very beautiful write. I loved your voice throughout the attire. But what I really loved is the fact that you used a terrific flow. Also, the emotion was wonderful. The stanza I liked most was:

    "Lonely are the men that use women,
    For cheap demeaning sex.
    Lonely are the women with no morals,
    That sell themselves as objects"
    ^^absolutely 100% true.

    You started this poem off catching my attention, and ended it making me want to read more =)
    Overall perfectly and beautifully written
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Sarah

    Very well.

    Lonely are the men that use women,
    For cheap demeaning sex.
    Lonely are the women with no morals,
    That sell themselves as objects.

    This is so true, you put it through such short words which tells a huge (true) meaning of life.

    Great Job! The rhyme was flawless, yet so beautiful. 5/5

    Best wishes,

    Sarah xx

  • 9 years ago

    by Kaila

    Wow

    Let's just start off by saying that was an amazing poem!

    The flow was good and the meaning well was really really close to home and I loved how relatable it was

    My favorite line was:
    And I wish, I wish I were perfect... for her
    ^^That is exactly how I feel for this guy in my class

    You made me tear up a little the only part that was a little shaky for me was this line:

    Lonely are the men that use women,
    For cheap demeaning sex.

    it was a little off for me
    but nice poem
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Normal is the Watchword

    I don't even know anything about what inspired this, but I'm going to comment on this poem pretending I do so don't mind lol.

    I like how you kinda give the feelings of loneliness and how you describe it, mainly because I love wolves and I always see pictures of a lone wolf standing alone over looking a cliffe or in the snow. So that is what your first stanza image brought. I didn't care much for the darkness in the fourth line though. I just don't know why.

    The second stanza, this gave a more darker and definatly lonely feel to it, powerful and intense.

    I didn't care for your third stanza sorry : (

    Your fourth one tied it all well, so beautiful and sad. And how you tied it all off with your final line wow. I love the ... kinda like so much said but yet so much unsaid and that we as readers are missing a piece of the picture that only you or the narrator knows about.

  • 9 years ago

    by Cindy

    Darien
    What a wonderful piece you have penned. Very thought provking poem.

    Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming,
    Then suddenly, I realize how alone I am.
    I can't explain why things went wrong,
    Fate seems to have another plan for me.

    I really was touched by this stanza. Seems like fate just steps in and changes our life's direction. This is a very intense piece. The flow is a little off. The poem is great.
    Take care Cindy

  • 9 years ago

    by Jacqui Armstrong

    Loved it =)
    flow was amazing, the whole thing drew me in and urged me to carry on reading rite untill the last word.

    the repitition on the words "i wish" at the end added extra impact and a feeling almost of desperation!

    well done 5/5

    Love
    Jacs
    xxxx

  • 9 years ago

    by Nikki

    Good job =)

  • 9 years ago

    by Robert

    Very well done I loved the description in the poem and the message was great the flow was flawless all around a great job!!! Plot121