Now What I Hold Are the Memories We Forgot About

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Apr 1, 2008


I realize that the poem has no capitalization. I'm usually a stickler about things like that, but for some odd reason, writing it correctly takes a certain something away from the poem. Hope that's okay.
----------------------

Now what I hold are the memories we barely made

you know, i miss you like a bad habit,
but you're not supposed to like addictions.
i'll display your name in every way except on my heart
and tomorrow i'll remind you of the better days.
it's like you've already forgotten my name, a few days later
and maybe you have and those words aren't for me -
but these words are for you.

they say it's hard to say "i'm sorry"
and i'll tell you now it's even harder to write it out, when you're a poet.
this could be a waste of time, telling you something you already know
but i like it this way, trying to fix the past.
Okay, so maybe this is more cliche than love when i read it twice over,
(so it's a good thing we're not in love, because we'd be drowning in cliche)
but the hours are rushing by and i don't want them to go on without you.

lost causes are for failed attempts, and i've never been a failure.
my father always smacked me once and told me to do better,
and i'm starting to think you're the best thing that's out there.
forgive me if you've heard these words before,
i know i've thought them so much, you could probably read them on my forehead.
i'm starting to realize, with each new line what i'd be like without you.
and let me tell you, dates aren't fun if you're not breathing.
i know lost causes are for failed attempts, and i've never been a failure.
my father would just smack me once and told me to do better,
and i'm starting to think you're the best thing that's out there.

and i really hope this isn't a lost cause; i was told i could always fix my mistakes.

1


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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelEyez89

    Know lost causes are for failed attempts, and i've never been a failure.

    and i really hope this isn't a lost cause; i was told i could always fix my mistakes.

    these two lines.... wow. you have an amazing talent. i am so jealous and in awe.thank you for actually putting proper deep poetry up. Keep up the good work. 93839289283/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Gizmo

    That was full emotion, the more i read your poems, the more i think to myself, structured poems aren't always the right thing.

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Hey! Sorry it took me so long.. I feel ashamed that I couldn't get to you sooner,

    about the poem:

    I really like Your title, Its very interesting and caught my attention and while I read the poem, I kept the title in mind and was drawn and held in by the words. great job

    you know, i miss you like a bad habit,
    but you're not supposed to like addictions.
    ^ I'd have to say these are my FAVORITE lines They make a great introduction and the message behind them is amazing. Well said.

    i'll display your name in every way except on my heart
    ^ I didn't really like this line for some reason.. maybe its because: "in every way except on" it kinda sounds funny

    and tomorrow i'll remind you of the better days.
    it's like you've already forgotten my name, a few days later
    ^ I really liked this until you repeated days, i think you should change it to where you only say it once

    and maybe you have and those words aren't for me -
    but these words are for you.
    ^'and maybe you have and' this is a run-on from the last line and it kinda confuses it with the next line..

    they say it's hard to say "i'm sorry"
    ^"they say ..to say" .. its another repeat

    and i'll tell you now it's even harder to write it out, when you're a poet.
    ^ this i think.. is kinda weak.. maybe revise it?

    this could be a waste of time, telling you something you already know
    but i like it this way, trying to fix the past.
    ^ I reeeeeally like these lines, you've impressed me with the way you put things.

    lost causes are for failed attempts, and i've never been a failure.
    ^I found a lot of emotion behind these
    my father always smacked me once and told me to do better,
    ^not too sure if I like this line..

    forgive me if you've heard these words before,
    i know i've thought them so much, you could probably read them on my forehead.
    ^this kinda made me laugh a little(maybe its not the intention you meant to protray but it did) I like them

    i know lost causes are for failed attempts, and i've never been a failure.
    my father would just smack me once and told me to do better,
    and i'm starting to think you're the best thing that's out there.
    ^ A repeat to make it stronger, great job

    and i really hope this isn't a lost cause; i was told i could always fix my mistakes.
    ^ and with a beautiful ending. GREAT JOB

    I really enjoyed reading this.. and i know you said in the beginning about the capitalization and it adding to the poem.. I found that it actually took it away, I got stuck on some parts because those 'i' s were bugging at me..

    But overall I enjoyed reading it, Thank you for the opportunity.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Prophecies In Kodak

    Rest of the stanza -- It made me smile . Like I said your emotions are bouncing back and forth but you do it so beautifully . It ' s like your in love with this person , but you don ' t want to admit it because of that whole " I ' m better without you " type of feeling you are giving off . I don ' t know , it is just a great stanza :]

    xD
    Not being a smart ass. Promise!
    I just always re read comments on poems that are about me.

  • 15 years ago

    by ABake

    I choose to do this one , because I loved the title . And I liked that you put the word " now " in front of it , it adds some sort of emotion . Not sure what though . [ Again , I Comment As I Read ; Leave Room For Change ]

    I love the opening line . It holds emotion and a lot of meaning for what the piece holds . It really captures your attention . [ One thing that bothered me , was the part about capitalization I think you should of put at the end . Just my opinion though ]
    Great way to open the piece ..

    Oh boyy . I love the first two lines of this stanza . I love them . Aghgjosigvs . Lol . I like the way your emotions are portrayed throughout this stanza . They alter so quickly but the transitions are so smooth . I hope that makes sense to you ; Sorry if it doesn ' t . You can always ask me what I meant :] I loved the last two lines . You summed it up great and made it easily to move to the next stanza .

    I like the open to this stanza . Such a classic line and then you make it complex with writing it . Then the whole poet idea , I loved it . But I think between the writing it and being a poet there shouldn ' t have been a comma more of a --->

    and i'll tell you now it's even harder to write it out; when you're a poet or even a - could of went there . Well , it works either way you read it . I am just a punctuation junky . Lol .

    Rest of the stanza -- It made me smile . Like I said your emotions are bouncing back and forth but you do it so beautifully . It ' s like your in love with this person , but you don ' t want to admit it because of that whole " I ' m better without you " type of feeling you are giving off . I don ' t know , it is just a great stanza :]

    One thing I did notice , is that the capitalization thing really helps . I don ' t quite understand how , but it does . Now I am regretting that I said you should not of put it at the top . Grr . Lol .

    Oh I like the first line of this one -- The emotions are real . But you become repetitive . and I know you probably did that on purpose , but I just don ' t like it all that well . And one mistake , when you repeat the line about your dad you should say would tell not told me to do better . I think I see where your going with this stanza though ; I liked it .

    And the line to sum up the piece . Amazing . So overall , another great poem from you . I truly enjoyed it . 5 . 5

    Amber .