This sounds unfinished to me. I think you could add more onto it, tell a little bit more about the story.
It also sounds a lot like you are trying to force the rhymes. Don't do that unless it is absolutely neccessary.
Still get a 5/5

Love it!
5/5

Wow. . .Thats amazing:O

Your an amazing writer. :)

I like....well done :-)
I only wish i had the courage you had.....

Nicely writen good job 5/5

Very interesting.. love it :) 5/5

I really like this poem. Its flows really well and your choice of words are just great. The rhymes make it perfect and help enhance on the flow, really great work.

Wow that was very deep. i liked 5/5

Wow, this is amazing. It is deep and to me it does feel complete not to contridict anyone. I love it, nice job