More Than A Friend

by Dawn aka Dominique   Apr 13, 2008


I have to admit

I wasn't feeling you at first
But, my feelings for you have yet to disperse

You're a good friend in my heart
I can't help but hope that rumors never do us part

No one understands me the way you do
How you knew I always wanted to be your baby boo

I love looking into your big brown eyes
Rushing through my body, are fluttering butterflies

You hit me up everyday, just to talk for a while
And every little thing you say always makes me smile

You make me so jolly with your precious charm
God knows how I wish to be the chick on your arm

A cute name you call upon to me, Dawn
I can't help but miss it when your away or gone
you light up my world
Just know Dawn's is always the girl

Who brings out your best and always makes you shine
But now I'm so glad to finally say your mine

0


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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by bRiNgMeToLiFe

    Good job :)
    Your lucky to find somebody like that:)
    keep it up

  • 15 years ago

    by Strange and Beautiful

    Super awesome poem!!!!!!!! Love it!!!!!
    Well writen I totally love your poems thanks again for telling me about this website!!!
    =)

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Beautiful write...

    No one understands me the way you do
    How you knew I always wanted to be your baby boo
    ^^ so cute...

    "I love looking into your big brown eyes
    Rushing through my body, are fluttering butterflies
    You hit me up everyday, just to talk for a while
    And every little thing you say always makes me smile"
    ^^ very sweet... very well described... ya i could relate to that...

    "A cute name you call upon to me, Dawn
    I can't help but miss it when your away or gone"
    ^^their is so much innocence in your poems... i really like it...

  • 15 years ago

    by Purple

    Awww, this is so sweet.

    I think you show good potential for your age. A little mores structure, like braking up poems into more stanzas would probably make your poems more appealing and organized at least at first glance.

    Your writing doesn't seem forced, which is most certainly a great thing. You use some good attention grabbing words, either because they're tougher words like "disperse", or because they evoke an emotion or feeling, like 'in my heart', 'fluttering butterflys'.

    Generally I like how you say things. :) Although, there are certain parts where 'youth dialect' or whatever show up which bugs me because I don't put 'slang phrases' in my own poems very often, but that's only my own preference. If you like it in yours, go ahead and put it there, after all, you should be writing for yourself not me. :)

    Thank you for the comments. You did seem to put effort into your comments and I definently appreciate that. :D The main reason I bothered reading one of your poems (actually I believe I read more then one) is because you seemed to put thought into them when you left me comments. ;) if you'd left a one liner without any detail, I probably wouldn't have bothered.

    I hope your skill only continues to grow. :)

    Mostly because of the way the poem is displayed (one long stanza) I'm rating this poem a 3/5. If it was broken up and was more appealing at first glance, it'd be a 4/5. :) I save 5/5 for the "best" I see.

    Good luck with your growing talent, and good luck with any relationships (romantic or otherwise) you develop or are currently in. ;)

  • 15 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    'your' in the last line should be you're

    First off, I don't want to offend you, everything that I write is just my opinion.
    The beginning haven't pulled me into this piece and it lacks emotions for this type of poem. I think that you should use more metaphors and figures of speech within poetry. This is just not the type of poetry that I prefer. It sounds sincere, like it's written straight from the heart but that's all I've got from the poem. Personally, I think that true beauty of poetry shines through more complicated metaphors, when the reader can think about the meaning and interpret the poem on his/her own way. This seem too simple for my taste. Also, rhymes are basic, truly overused and unoriginal which threw me off on some places.
    Sorry, you and me obviously love different types of poetry.