Comments : Bitter Lust Blows

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  • 9 years ago

    by Krathia

    Wow... I am "breathtaken". Beautiful and forlorn, and just so sad... The title fits the poem perfectly, which is very rare.

    "Stanza" 1: Reminded me of fallen angels and rivers of lava and grey rainbows in the mist.

    Stanza 2: This is very much like a song, especially after the 1st stanza. It is also very dark ("sadistic delectation" and "mutilated screams"), but ends with a touch of sadness and resignation. "Trimmed" is also an interesting werb to use.

    Stanza 3:
    "On the other, lyrical side"
    Just the word 'lyrical' tells the reader that it'll get better, perhaps sweeter and brighter. And it did get better, but the sadness is also deeper.
    "the lawns are watered with sympathy,
    ornamented with warm jewels-
    This garden's burned down."
    The way you can weave words together is simple awe-inspiring. You are really talented; few people can write things like "watered with sympathy" or even "warm jewels". And the closing line was bittersweet, like the taste of dark chocolate that lingers.

    Stanza 4: "Embed dazzling cadence into moon's crystals"
    I must have died there. Best. Line. Ever. No more to be said.

    Last stanza: A different vision this time, but you might want to change the last word. It looks a bit too harsh to be placed after 'sweet'.

    This poem was truly a work of art, excellent job and you're really good at writing. Keep it up!

  • 9 years ago

    by LitxUpxWithxLife

    I love the poem. Your diction is impecible, and it flowed very nicely. My favorite part was the first and last few lines. The whole poem gave me this image of a street with a regular burbanite row of homes and on the other half a ripped apart warzone. Great Imagery. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by sweet escape

    I liked it but it just seemed odd to me.
    1) the short then long then short again stanzas through me off a little.
    2) the part in [[ ]] , i didnt know if it was part of the poem or not and broke the rythem for me

    but it was great in meaning and in emotion.
    so i give it a 4/5
    great work.

  • 9 years ago

    by Nix

    Wow!!! I am impressed, I truly don't want to tell you about each stanza separately in this piece cause it all made one absolutely majestic picture in my mind.
    You created effective rhythm with broken lines and expressed emotions through whole poem on so interesting and refreshing way.
    I honestly enjoyed, so captivating and remarkable atmosphere. I must also say that your innovate style of writing impressed me. You started the poem with so powerful description and I also admire the way you ended it, that added even more effective tone to the core of this one. I like your metaphors and some lines posses simplicity but they are written with such power that I can't describe. Also you did great job with punctuation
    for example:
    -This garden's burned down.-
    ^This lines is so amazing.

    Overall you once again honestly left me in awe, I could easily picture whole poem, you wrote it on so creative way with a lot of passion.
    Bravo!

  • 9 years ago

    by Blissful

    I loved that you tried something different with this one .. and it worked! I applaud you. The word choice here as always amazing and what truly caught my eye and completed the poem for me was your title. It was just flawless and a poem in itself. Loved it all. The flow was just great and I could tell you put a lot into this one and it showed. Well done *5/5*

  • 9 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I've read this poem before also. And I fell inlove with it deeply. I'm so glad I get to read it again. You started this poem impressively. You really caught my attention within such few words. I loved you word choice yet again, and I feel like i'm repeating myself with each comment I give you. Simply because i'm running our of nice things to say about your poetry.

    The first stanza, Yep. I'm inlove. I adored the first stanza. I don't think I've ever fell for words as hard I just did whilst reading that. Oh my. It was stunning. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Brilliant. You have me all jumpy now.

    Meet my sadistic delectation
    as it melts down the lips
    sealed with mutilated screams-
    I trimmed my landscape longings.

    "Melts down the lips" Wow. To die for. How do you think of these things. Honestly. I wish I had the same ability as you to do so. Your such a creative person. You write some of my favorite metaphors in poetry.

    On the other, lyrical side
    the lawns are watered with sympathy,
    ornamented with warm jewels-
    This garden's burned down.

    I loved this stanza. The imagery of two opposite sides. I found that to be interesting and powerful. Again you can paint well. Paint imagery into my mind that is.

    Embed dazzling cadence into moon's crystals
    -- oh, now and then, I had surreal contacts-
    Conspiracies beat with striking preoccupations.

    Loved it. What more can I say there. Your vocab overly strong and gorgeous.

    Overprotected
    oh,
    I tasted
    hellfire-
    [too sweet
    to be objective].

    Oh how I loved that ending. The repetition with the first and last stanza worked so well. I liked how you changed a word though to create a different effective. Overall another favorite of mine from you. Loved it ~Mel

  • 9 years ago

    by Cayce

    Overprotected
    oh,
    I tasted
    hellfire-
    [too inspiring
    to be real].

    ^^ That was just... wow. I loved the structure of it. I don't know it just makes it even more appealing. The words though.. I mean that was just amazing. I don't know what exactly it means, but it's definitely something that will stick in my head and make me think about it. I'll be racking my brain to figure out what it means.

    Meet my sadistic delectation
    as it melts down the lips
    sealed with mutilated screams-
    I trimmed my landscape longings.

    ^^ Scary. o.o That really really makes me think you're psycho. LMAO. jk jk. Anyways, it was worded so brillantly, the first part makes me want to taste it [whatever it is.. o.o] even though I don't know what it is, your words make it sound so good. I also like how I don't know what it is, because it lets me interpret this how I want to. :]

    On the other, lyrical side
    the lawns are watered with sympathy,
    ornamented with warm jewels-
    This garden's burned down.

    ^^ The second line makes me thing the lawns are being watered by your tears.. I guess it was because of the "sympathy" thing. Anyways, the last line was so vivid. I literally pictured a burned garded. Amazing.

    Embed dazzling cadence into moon's crystals
    -- oh, now and then, I had surreal contacts-
    Conspiracies beat with striking preoccupations.

    ^^ You're stanzas never seems to lack in descripting words. I loved how you mentioned the moon. I don't know why, but the moon always gives me a hint of mystery and beauty. It was perfect for this poem.

    Overprotected
    oh,
    I tasted
    hellfire-
    [too sweet
    to be objective].

    ^^ I liked how you repeated this, but altered it just a little. I think I actually liked it better the second time I read it. This is definitely my favorite stanza in the poem. It's words, structure are just so compelling. I still can get the words out of my mind.

    Another amazing poem from you!

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 9 years ago

    by Natalie

    Nicely done. Loved the opening and ending. Very effective.

    You used great vocab. Which always gives the poem that extra effect.

    There's not much bad things I can say about this piece.. It was very deep. Just keep up the great work, look forward to reading more in the near future!

  • 9 years ago

    by Lover Boii

    I really liked it, the rhyme scheme was great.