Comments : Unprotected and Unaware

  • 9 years ago

    by XxBAYBiiGiRLxX

    Wow that was so powerful!!
    well written 5/5!
    xox

  • 9 years ago

    by thesuffocationinsafety

    Ok I soo got chills! Well written; very good. Keep on writing! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Unamed

    Aw!!..i absolutly love it!!!!
    it was totaly fab!

    "A man standing in eyes range.
    She felt safe, and she felt protected next to this man.
    He said he would protect her,
    He said she would be safe.
    And she believed him.
    Protected and aware she lay to rest,
    Never to be harmed again.
    She closed her eyes
    And they were never to be opened again"
    ^^that was my favorite part!!!
    totaly loved it!

    great job!!!!

    Aly

  • 9 years ago

    by Jessica

    I think this is fantastc ,
    I'm going to read some more of your stuff, if its anything like this , I'm sure it will be awesome.
    I really enjoyed this , keep it up : )

    Jessicalee.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sara

    OMG! this was soo great! so much feeling in the poem. "Protected and Aware" that is just amazing

  • 9 years ago

    by Lesego

    I love the way you wrote this poem, its as if I can visually see what you wrote about. excellent work im adding it to my favourite list

  • Thats creepy im never trusting any person again !!!!

  • Wow this was powerful and deep. I LOVED IT.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sourav

    The poem is good... Constructed very nicely. It has a good flow that makes it interesting. Good one... End is very good.

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Thats really good well done keep writing xxx

  • 9 years ago

    by BitterXSweetness

    Huh. Interesting. I like the way that u wrote everything. I thought that was neat and clear. Like it was 2 the point. It was good. The only thing that I would suggest would be 2 work on ur flow. If u worked on ur flow a little more than it would be really really great. But since it lacks that I would give it a 4/5. Which is still good.

    .:Rach:.

  • 9 years ago

    by Kaitlyn Gilbertson

    The poem was good, powerful the first time read but once you start to analyze it you realize you could take it a but farther. The flow is there but it could be more, and then all the information in the story could be put it leaves you hanging.

    =Kaitlyn.

  • 9 years ago

    by Lauren

    This is a very beutifully written poem.

  • 9 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    As requested, I will comment on your piece of write.

    "Not again." She said to herself.
    ^Straight away you plunge the reader into the heart of the tale. On edge and in fear!

    She knew this feeling, she felt it once before.
    ^The focal, a lone female, fragile and vulnerable, as the reader, I want to know more and so I read on..

    She never wanted things to go this far.
    ^A suggestion of guilt maybe, did she, could she have prevented this?

    She knew that it was wrong.
    ^Why, I ask myself, if she knew it was wrong, why do it? Well, we all do things we know we should not; we can’t help ourselves, its human nature!

    She tried to run, she tried to hide.
    ^The tempo increases. She has to flee and I have to read on!!

    But she could never escape.
    ^No! Why, she has to be able to! Run, run away, before you are caught, but by what?

    Unprotected and unaware she went to sleep.
    ^Confused, she has escaped, but how and from who? She is alone, she thinks she is safe, but she is not, always fragile and always vulnerable to? I, the reader am kept guessing! Is this her lover, or a family member? I have to read on, I must read on!!

    Once she woke up, she searched for a safe place.
    ^Awake now our lady; our fearful lady does what instinct tells her – find safety! I want her to find safety too; I want her to defeat and be triumphant!… Go girl!!

    "Self-preservation is in order." She said.
    ^Eat or be eaten! It is only natural to want to survive. This really draws an attachment to this damsel!

    Running away from her past,
    ^Why is she running and what from? More questions lead to greater intrigue!!

    Hiding from the present.
    ^A statement that I can understand! Who would want to remain in a present that filled a person with fear!…. Get out of there!!

    Scared of the future,
    ^A future of terror?

    Unprotected and unaware she went to sleep.
    ^Confused again! Have we leapt a day, or maybe a lot more? Maybe this is a serial abusive relationship, one where she is emotionally trapped. Trapped by love and fear!

    She woke up again, and she found something.
    ^This is so gripping and these unanswered questions keep the reader wanting more, albeit through gaps in fingers!

    A very faint silhouette in the distance.
    ^Through these fingers there is an image. Is it familiar? Is it going to harm our damsel? The pending drama is unfolding..

    She went toward it, still frightened but sure.
    ^No, I scream, do not walk that way; you will be hurt for sure!

    A man standing in eyes range.
    ^At last our aggressor makes an entrance and right before his knowing victim.

    She felt safe, and she felt protected next to this man.
    ^Writing ‘felt’ as apposed to ‘feel’ makes it clear that at their relationship’s beginning, they were happy. He was that protection she always wanted, no needed!

    He said he would protect her,
    ^She believed him too, such a strong capable character. She knew she was fragile, she was attracted to his strength, he was her protector and she loved him!

    He said she would be safe.
    ^Men like this, like her father were destined to be the eternal knight in shining armour! She was a princess, begging to be saved from her tower. It was her destiny too, to live happily ever after with her prince.

    And she believed him.
    ^She loved him with ever fragment of her heart and that is what trapped her to the beast!

    Protected and aware she lay to rest,
    ^One battle too far, our beautiful princess lays motionless, almost serenely!

    Never to be harmed again.
    ^This is so sad, our damsel had taken on too many one sided fights. As I read, I am feeling a loss for her, a yearning for this not to be the end, surely this can not be the end!?

    She closed her eyes
    ^I imagine her last thoughts are of lost love! I now, just want her to keep her eyes closed, for I know that if she lives, she will carry on this battle of love!

    And they were never to be opened again.
    ^This has been an exhausting journey for the damsel and the reader. So many questions left the reader wanting more and so they read on, and I did!

    My conclusion is that this write is about a couple who, ironically needed one another. So much that it lead to their destruction. I believe the aggressor would not have been able to live without his princess either, he would have been tormented and this would lead to his extinction!

    A thoroughly good write, which possessed ample suspension and imagery to entertain any reader on this site, or any others out there!

    Well done is an understatement, but it is written now! Lol

    Michael

  • 9 years ago

    by BeMusEd

    Not again." She said to herself.
    She knew this feeling, she felt it once before.
    She never wanted things to go this far.
    She knew that it was wrong.
    She tried to run, she tried to hide.
    But she could never escape.
    Unprotected and unaware she went to sleep.

    ---This is my favorite part of this poem, I can relate the message bec. this is how I totally I at this moment..

    Keep it up..