Bubbles of the Esoteric

Brittney,

This is a good poem. It is well structured, and has a clear direction. Here are some comments:

1) Perhaps I misunderstand the intended cadence, but it seems the first stanza would flow better without "my" and "on".

2) Why a question mark on line 3 instead of line 4?

3) The first stanza is excellent. It hooks the reader and conjures the image that carries the rest of the poem.

4) I think you'd be better off to keep the rhyme scheme going. "weaker" / "anchor" doesn't work, and "body" / "sea" abandons the rhyme completely. Sometimes, abandoning the rhyme can draw attention to a line and magnify its contrast, but your last line needs reinforcement, not contrast.

5) I don't understand why you named the poem "Bubbles of the Esoteric". The way I read the poem, the bubbles represent the narrator's identity, independence, or vitality. If, through the title, you are implying that such things are esoteric, that changes the meaning of the poem.

-TC

Wow great poem and really great floww,i loved it.5/5= )

Wow, this poem is amazing! I love how you wrote about this, very unique and you made it so well!

"As the waves thrust me under
My attempt to live grows weaker.
It's difficult to stay at the surface,
When love has become my anchor."

Flawless stanza there, it is so perfect and I just love it! Really descriptive and I am left speechless at the end of your poem, I wish there was more! You are a fantastic writer and never give that up, nice job!