Try, Fail, and Pretend You Don't Feel Their Disappointment

by mier   May 20, 2008


A song smeared with the rigid ache of a stagnancy,
blinded by the blissful damage in a euphoric oddity.
Buried in plethora of thoughts that writhe in savage innocence,
we calm ourselves to our mistakes in a rueful opulence.

Nights of enamored lies etched in our beating minds,
confused by the verity that slipped in the static times.
Words that have lost all traces of salvaged meaning,
you fervently instigate the abode of my ardent pleading.

With the final silence that sleeps within our hearts,
we bade a farewell oath to this love that slowly departs.
A plague that solidify the impeding of a treasured smile,
I stand in blistered forlorn and let the tears fall for a while.

After some time of wasted breaths in fatigue admiration,
we turned away from this unspoken desolation.
Bewail this sodomised sorrow and rage assembled,
to try, fail and pretend you don't feel their disappointment.

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  • 15 years ago

    by Nix

    -A song smeared with the rigid ache of a stagnancy,
    blinded by the blissful damage in a euphoric oddity.
    Buried in plethora of thoughts that writhe in savage innocence,
    we calm ourselves to our mistakes in a rueful opulence.-

    ^Amazingly written, first of all your choice of words is fantastic and the way that you expressed emotions is just brilliant. Utterly unique opening stanza.

    -Nights of enamoured lies etched in our beating minds,
    confused by the verity that slipped in the static times.
    Words that has lost all traces of salvaged meaning,
    you fervently instigate the abode of my ardent pleading.-

    ^Wow! This is so refreshing write. I like the atmosphere which you created, it is truly remarkable and each description is fascinating.
    I think that you have little mistake in third line, it should be -have- instead of -has-

    -With the final silence that sleeps within our hearts,
    we bade a farewell oath to this love that slowly departs.
    A plague that solidify the impeding of a treasured smile,
    I stand in blistered forlorn and let the tears fall for a while-

    ^You expressed so strong emotions through this part and that fascinated me, very original and impressionable way to write. I get impression from this stanza that you talk about love and negative sides which it can bring.

    -After some time of wasted breaths in fatigue admiration,
    we turned away from this unspoken desolation.
    Bewail this sodomised sorrow and rage assembled,
    to try, fail and pretend you don't feel their disappoinment.-

    ^You took my breath away with this ending, honestly it is so brilliant and your final thought made whole piece compact.
    In last line, in word -disappointment- you forgot -t- between n and m.

    Overall I am so glad that I read this, this is one of the best poems I read in a while.