Wow Pete, this poem is tragic and speaks so much more than the words you use. I feel that this poem is about you pondering on the negative aspects of life and that it even expresses someone on the verge of depression.

"Less and less to live for as time goes by"

I love that you used this line as a start to your poem because it instantly drew me into the poem and gave me a deep sense of melancholy. You are also so right in what you are saying, with age and 'wisdom' dreams seem to decay.

"it's an eye for an eye"

Religious reference, nice!! It makes the reader think, "what did you do that has brought you this misery?" Attention grabbing!

"Mangled images of what society deems right
I'm a ticking time bomb with a fuse that won't light"

I love these 2 lines, they are so deep. You seem to be blaming society for enforcing on us these 'role models' whose lives we are 'supposed' to imitate. Very powerful indeed. The bomb metaphor is unique and definitely has the intended effect on the reader.

"Every distasteful taunt helps crush my soul
Only the lonely can feel the warmth of this cold"

Well Pete, these 2 lines are yet another example of why you are on my favourites list. Brilliance! Literally! I ABSOLUTELY love the idea of coldness having some sort of warmth for the broken, their 'room temperature' even because they are frozen!

I would go on to analyse the rest of your poem but I could be here all day.

I will just conclude by saying that I thought it was fantastic and that is rare for a poem dealing with feelings.

If this is writer's block for you, one wonders what excellence you could reach when not 'blocked.' lol.

All the best,
Natalie.

Well, firstly i love this poem.Imagery is so good that I can picture one who is demented and absolutely dejected.It holds a lot of truth and I for one can totally relate to it.Very well written.Mixed with a lot of emotions.And I loved the line where you twisted the saying using "no" instead of "all".Keep writing.

I really like this poem. It touched me... there's a deep sense of melancholy in to it... emotionally rich poem. Good job on this!

Wow, this poem is absolutely stunning! The fluidity was seemingly flawless, and the way you used your words is truly inspiring. I was drawn in by the first stanza, and was intrigued more and more by each line. The unique way you expressed your feelings is so strong, tragic, sincere; your words are still resonating.

Truly a great write!
I look forward to reading
more from you. =J