Comments : The faceless many

  • 9 years ago

    by shivali

    This is a very nice poem.
    moreover it has a nice meaning..
    a very nice work.........

    keep going!! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by shivali

    This is a very nice poem.
    moreover it has a nice meaning..
    a very nice work.........

    keep going!! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by eehcuhhhz

    She[']s wrapped in the arms of immoral society

    My tongue was rolling quite nicely
    Until I hit your ending stanza.

    Everything had a aabb rhyme in it.
    The end, though,
    It was abab.

    Threw me off a little bit.

    Beauty and ugliness are all the same
    in their shared vision everything is plain

    I am in love with that line.
    Although I don't know what it means.
    It's just.. the flow.
    The way it rolled.
    Those two lines, at least to me, are flawless.

    You should watch your symbol count, though.

    The very first stanza.
    13, 11, 14,15

    They're all pretty different.

    It'd be better if they were closer together.

    Other than that
    Wonderful writing.

  • 9 years ago

    by Dawn aka Dominique

    This poems flows really really well

    And the emotion and feeling behind it is really strong

    GREAT WORK! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Dustin S

    Amazing! A 5.0 no doubt!

  • 9 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Wonderful write...

    'Shes wrapped in the arms of immoral society
    taking her will is their first priority
    molestation touches and corrupts her priceless pure soul
    as the faceless many stand ready to invade and control.'

    ^^ excellent starting... the way you have described how anti social acts corrupt a pure soul is beautiful... well written..

    'Strings upon strings are tied amongst them all
    each a puppet master constricted by their own knots
    tripping over one another like dominoes they fall,
    its sad because its their own self written plot. '

    ^^ beautiful ending..

    keep writing.. :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Nix

    First of all I like the title.

    -Shes wrapped in the arms of immoral society
    taking her will is their first priority
    molestation touches and corrupts her priceless pure soul
    as the faceless many stand ready to invade and control.-

    ^This is truly great stanza, it is filled with greatly expressed emotions and I must say your rhymes are original.

    -Another victim falls to the army of drones
    a soulless being without a home
    so they march simultaneously on the same void-less road
    each stuck in their endless hopeless rows.-

    ^You quite impressed me here, you managed to create vivid imagery and you described so much with little words. Also, I enjoyed in the atmosphere of this stanza, good choice of words.

    -Beauty and ugliness are all the same
    in their shared vision everything is plain
    a simple outline of life is their only embrace
    falling short of meaning is their only place.-

    ^I think that you little disturbed rhythm and flow of the poem because of rhymes here, but anyway nice stanza, you still expressed on a good way core of your message.

    -Strings upon strings are tied amongst them all
    each a puppet master constricted by their own knots
    tripping over one another like dominoes they fall,
    its sad because its their own self written plot. -

    ^Wow! This is my favorite stanza, it is so remarkable and message is absolutely true. Great way to end this poem, you left great impression on me, very interesting stanza.

    I must say this is my favorite of yours, amazing poem!

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This is excellent work. I love the word choice in this poem. It was very good! Umm. I honestly don't see a thing wrong with this poem. It went really fast for me because of the rhyming, so I liked that. :] it flowed nicely! 5/5

    thank you for the comment!

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is an amazing poem I found myself spellbound by the content flow, and perfect wording. Very deep and thought provoking
    I really like your style

  • 9 years ago

    by Prasad B

    I agree with misstake above...

    Nicely written fren...

    Keep sharing ur thoughts n mtatz d message tat reaches readers like us where we learn a lot..... we get a moral tru each single poem, & with it each minute thought... Tat can make sumones day, tat can lend a smile or tears... tat can spread light... of knowledge... sumthing worthwhile for mankind....

    Best wishz... Karan

  • 9 years ago

    by Nelle

    This is really good. I've never read anything like this before. It was amazing. I loved your use of vocabulary, and your description of every little word. Great job.

  • 9 years ago

    by pookiengurgi

    Very well-written. Flow was rough, but the story was exceptionally interesting. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Jessicca Wiemken

    Wow i really loved this poem its great
    its way better than mine
    5/5 keep writing
    jess

  • 9 years ago

    by Janalicious14

    Wow, another great poem!
    I like it and I will rate it 5 for yah!!

  • 9 years ago

    by XxxBeenThereRockedThatxxX

    A bit of rhyme....but it was the title that got my attention..great write it was very descriptive!!

  • 9 years ago

    by tears in heaven

    Thar waz soo beautiful and also true

  • 9 years ago

    by Dustin Walters

    Kudos. it was good.

    a few things could be tweaked but its a definate 4/5. :) could read/comment one of mine?

  • 9 years ago

    by Dustin Walters

    Kudos. it was good.

    a few things could be tweaked but its a definate 4/5. :) could read/comment one of mine?

  • 9 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Capitalize your title ! Rawr !

    Shes wrapped in the arms of immoral society
    taking her will is their first priority
    `Oh . My . GOSH . I love love love love love your opening lines! Gorgeous! I can't even begin to explain how those words are so freaking true and so freaking well worded. Wow.

    molestation touches and corrupts her priceless pure soul
    as the faceless many stand ready to invade and control.
    `Watch your syllabication again! Because considering this is just the second half of that stanza, it was a huge transition between shorter soudning lines to a looooong one. It breaks the flow instantly, but I do enjoy these lines too.

    Another victim falls to the army of drones
    a soulless being without a home
    `Ooh, use of "drones" is absolutely brilliant, and extremely effective.

    so they march simultaneously on the same void-less road
    each stuck in their endless hopeless rows.
    `I think you should reword that first line and change it up -- it's dull compared to the rest of the piece, and too long.

    Beauty and ugliness are all the same
    in their shared vision everything is plain
    a simple outline of life is their only embrace
    falling short of meaning is their only place.
    `The first "their" I didn't quite fancy, and then you use it two more times after that -- but it doesn't quite stick out. I think the second rhyme kind of broke the piece a little, but I still liked this stanza and the message it portrayed.

    tripping over one another like dominoes[,] they fall,

    I love the last stanza -- just not the last line in the stanza. "plot" ... It's a nice word choice, but it feels kind of weird ... like you were forced to use that word just to rhyme.

    I like this piece a lot, though. It has so many lines that I absolutely adore -- and I think you did a good job. Just some tweaks and again, it'll be amazing ;)
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 9 years ago

    by Vera

    I think it describes the reallity we r living in perfectly.
    I really love it!